love

Bowling for Dollars

Leave a Comment / February 24, 2026

Once upon a time, in 1970-something, a young family regularly watched the game show Bowling for Dollars. The young father spent a majority of the show criticizing the bowlers who didn’t do very well. As a bowler himself, he felt very qualified to judge them.

One day, the man decided to try out for the show. After all, it looked so easy. He was a decent bowler. He would, of course, do so much better than these pathetic contestants they watched every week.

He passed the first two trials and then went on to be a participant of the taped episode.

It was at that time, that he recognized that bowling for money in front of both a live audience and a tv audience wasn’t just about bowling. It was about the pressure not to make a fool of yourself.

Which he promptly did. After he was done, his rolls had been extremely unimpressive and included several gutter balls. He came home with $7.

After that, he watched the game show with quite a different spirit. He had been there and it wasn’t as easy as it looked.

It is quite easy to judge people for things we think we understand; things we think we’d do differently.

Years and years ago, I had a friend (who I am no longer in touch with) whose husband had an affair.

In my immaturity, I quickly stated (quite unwisely, I might add), “well, I would leave him.” or some such stupid thing.

Her profound answer has stuck with me my entire life: “Well,” she said tiredly, “you really don’t know what you would do until you are in my place.”

I have never forgotten that.

We don’t know what we would do. We think we do know. But we don’t. It’s so important we stop judging people hurriedly and without knowledge and, instead, pray for them.

It’s so easy to do, isn’t it? Even if we are wise enough not to speak it, we are thinking it.

Oh, that we may recognize that we don’t know. We just don’t know what someone is going through. And in that humble recognition, may our love and grace grow for those who are going through things we can’t possibly imagine. We really don’t know how we would respond.

No, they may not be handling things the way we would. They may even be handling them sinfully (which does need to be addressed), but love needs to be our motive and love should be what drives our thoughts and speech. Not censure.

Maybe you have this down. I definitely don’t. But God continues to show me this and grow me in this area. And I’m not the same person I was. God is so faithful.

So let’s keep growing together in our knowledge of God’s Word, in discernment, in wisdom, in love, and, yes…in grace.

It’s Not One or the Other

1 Comment / February 11, 2026

I’ve had an interesting past week, which included visits to a surgery center and the hospital. As I reflect on these visits, I realize they are a great analogy as to how we are to approach the “love vs truth” dichotomy we find in Christianity today.

A nurse or doctor who is loving and kind is worthless if they won’t do the hard stuff. If they won’t give us the medicine that we need because it will make us “feel bad”, they can be as nice as can be but we will understand their complete incompetence, won’t we?

As we grow sicker and sicker—or even lose our life—their “love” will mean nothing. In fact, we will recognize that it wasn’t love at all that drove their actions, but rather a self-love that made them want to avoid our “bad feelings”.

On the other hand, a nurse who is mean and gruff who gives us the right medicine, in spite of how it will make us “feel”, is certainly not the blessing they could be. They can do everything right, but if they do it with a frown on their face and a mean spirit…well, love is important, isn’t it?

Love and truth aren’t enemies. They are the greatest of friends.

I’ve noticed a really strange dichotomy in the recent years and I really want to encourage my readers to avoid it. It seems that many Christians are drawn only towards the “love and grace” posts, podcasts, sermons, and books. While another group is drawn only towards the “truth and discernment” posts, podcast, sermons, and books.

This ought not to be. As believers, we need to highly value both. I strive very hard to be balanced here because God has clearly shown in scripture that BOTH are important. I am well aware I don’t do this perfectly but I am trying.

If we step back and really think about it, we will recognize that there is no genuine love without truth.

Truth, no matter how it’s spoken, will save your life. To confirm the salvation of someone who has no fruit and zero interest in repentance or being more like Christ is not true love. No matter how that truth is spoken, if someone who has been deceived repents and believes on the name of Jesus Christ, they will receive eternal life.

But love does change everything. It makes [some] hearers much more willing to listen and plants many more seeds than a harsh, critical word. I write “some” in brackets because, at this juncture, we find many who have no interest in hearing the truth, no matter how lovingly it is said.

We are told that people will turn from the truth in the last days (2 Timothy 4:3-4). We are told there will be many false “Jesus”s in the last days and they will deceive many (Matthew 24:5). We are told that there will be perilous times in the last days with people following their lusts and calling it godliness (2 Timothy 3:1-9). And we are told that people will be deluded in the last days because they did not love the truth (2 Thessalonians 2:10-11).

No matter how close we are to the actual return of Christ, we are most definitely seeing these things the Bible warns us of. Christianity is getting more and more confusing every day because so many things are done in the “name of Jesus”.

But is it the real Jesus? When we compare this “Jesus” to scripture, we can see most definitely it is not our beloved Savior who died for us and calls us to forsake our sin and the world and follow Him.

The Bible is true or it isn’t. Our faith is either based on the Bible or it’s based on human philosophy and opinion.

We can’t just define Jesus to be the way we want Him to be and then call ourselves a “Christian”.

Honestly, I think many of us Christians thought we would be in jail by now, being persecuted for standing up for the true, biblical Jesus.

Instead, we find ourselves being persecuted and rejected by those who either profess a different Jesus or are deceived to think all of the “Jesus”s are the same person.

So let me go back to the beginning of this post. As genuine believers, who desire to follow Christ wholeheartedly, we need to understand that there is a very concerted effort to move the world towards a one world religion (which is exactly what scripture tells us will happen! The Bible is 100% true!)

This is something that can’t be done without taking the eyes of the people off of God’s Word. And so there has been a real effort to move the hearts and minds of Christians from the Bible and to, instead, value more highly human opinions and their own personal experiences.

As we live in the midst of this crazy, confusing migration of “Christians” from Bible-believing religion to mysticism (let’s call it what it is), we must be passionate about both truth and love. We cannot—we dare not—eliminate either one in this very dangerous time.

And by doing this, God will use us to plant seeds for His Kingdom. He is still working in the midst of the “Christian” chaos and He is still using His people here on earth. We don’t want to be deceived into unbiblical thinking or a wrong focus, lest we be rendered ineffective. We don’t have to choose one or the other because, as believers, we must choose BOTH, just as Jesus shows us so perfectly in scripture.

We won’t change the world, but one day at a time, we can make a difference in the lives we touch. May we be courageous enough to speak the hard truths of scripture with love and grace. May we love others well and stand boldly in the swelling tide of apostasy.

Judgements, the Bible, and Incomplete Information

1 Comment / June 10, 2025

We all make judgments. We make judgments about what is beautiful and what isn’t. And about what is “normal” and what “isn’t normal”. We make judgments about whether someone is doing something right or something wrong; And about whether someone is doing something wise or something foolish. We all do it. And we all do this quite naturally, whether we speak our judgments aloud or not.

But there are two things that we believers really should consider before we pass judgment. Before I go on I’d like to mention that this is something God has been teaching me, oh so gradually, over the course of my lifetime and I am definitely not the same person I used to be. But I am still growing in this area. It’s so easy to write about something the Bible teaches, but learning to live it out takes a lifetime.

The FIRST thing for our consideration is this: Is my judgment based on God’s Holy Word or is it based on my opinion?

If it’s based on my opinion then does it really matter? What makes one opinion better than another?

Here’s a silly example (albeit a practical one). Let’s consider a woman’s shirt. Let’s say I notice a co-worker’s new shirt and I just don’t like it. It’s bright and loud in a color I do not care for and I find it very unappealing. Why is my opinion about that shirt better than the wearer’s opinion? And does it really matter?

Now, let’s take that same shirt and let’s say that it is cut very low and is very immodest. The Bible tells us to dress modestly (I Timothy 2:9-10). So now I am making a judgment between right and wrong which, in fact, we are supposed to do (Matthew 7, I Thess. 5:21-22, and others).

Judgments that are based on our opinions don’t always need to be said. But sometimes they do need to be shared. For example, in committee meetings or family gatherings, when a plan is being developed or a vacation planned. At that point, we speak up with the understanding that there is really no “right” or “wrong” in the situation but that our opinion is simply based on preference.

But what we do with our biblical judgments? Are we to speak each one? This is probably worth a post all its own but, for the sake of time and space here today, let’s just nutshell it in this way: True love discerns, through prayer, when speaking truth is appropriate and is willing to confront when necessary. A lot of harm has been done by parents, pastors, teachers, and others who were simply unwilling to speak biblical truth into the lives of others because they were worried about offending.

This leads to the SECOND thing which we must consider: Are we are aware that we may have incomplete information as to why someone made a choice?

This is not regarding the actual making of judgments but, rather, about our attitudes that accompany our judgments.

When we make biblical judgments, we make them based on our own life experiences. This leads many of us to give no grace, no mercy, no lee-way for other life experiences.

So, for example, someone growing up in a Christian home will naturally know the Bible better than a baby Christian who just got saved as an adult and is learning. Do we have grace for the baby Christian who is just learning?

Or another example is that perhaps someone made a decision for a very good reason but you, looking from the outside, are not privy to the reason for that decision and are judging them for doing something unwise based on your incomplete information. We don’t always know the facts and perhaps they didn’t do anything unwise at all.

Do we give people the benefit of the doubt? Or do we fall prey to having a “holier than thou” attitude?

We only have our life experience from which to form judgements. But it’s so important to recognize that our life experiences are not the gold standard. Only the Bible can and should inform all of our judgments.

And this should lead us to grace and mercy as we remember our life is not their life. And they may have challenges about which we have no idea at all. This doesn’t mean we don’t talk with them when we see sin or worldliness. It just means we have a humble, loving attitude that acknowledges we may not know everything.

So… what if a judgment is based on scripture and you find yourself concerned about someone you love? What to do?

Our natural response is to gossip or to make sarcastic, passive-aggressive remarks letting others know how we feel. The godly response is to keep quiet and go to that person personally and find out the whole story; find out why they made the choice they did and lovingly and kindly point to the scripture that shows that it is wrong.

Can you see why correct interpretation and honest hermeneutics of God’s Word are so critical to life? There are so many manmade “rules” and “laws”—rules and laws that man has created that are simply not in scripture. And there are also so many principles and commands that go completely ignored and neglected by professing Christians who love the world.

And can you see why it’s so important to be able to recognize an opinion-based judgment from a scripture-based judgement?

I have been judged for many things throughout my life. One that sticks out in my memory is being judged for drinking orange juice with my pop-tart instead of milk. Someone made me feel like a fool because of this decision.

As I reflect on that experience, which is over twenty years ago now, I find it such an unnecessary judgement. It’s a silly example but there are so many just like it that happen every day.

Judgments like this build walls instead of building unity. They create division instead of creating a loving, safe place to grow together.

Oh, that we may recognize the difference between our subjective, opinion-based judgments and objective, scripture-based judgments. May we handle any judgment in a loving, biblical manner that will support and encourage God’s family, rather than tear it down.

Self or Truth? (It can’t be both)

4 Comments / January 18, 2022

I came across this quote yesterday–

He who loses his temper in argument has begun to care more about himself, and less about the truth. (Alfred Plummer)

What an interesting thing to reflect upon in this age of strong opinions and thoughtless, angry words. There is no dearth currently of harsh judgements, often accompanied by flaring tempers.

Even if we Christians struggle with losing our tempers at home on occasion, most of us have learned (or are learning) the importance of not allowing that to happen in public. We understand the damage that does to the cause of Christ.

But the losing of one’s temper isn’t the only thing that shows one cares more about oneself than about the truth, now is it?

I believe there is another very acceptable way that Christians show their priority of self over truth. It’s lauded even. And this is a problem.

You see I think for most believers the temptation isn’t to talk too much but to talk too little. The temptation isn’t to prove the rightness of a point as much as it is to not speak up when it’s important.

And this can be confusing. After all, doesn’t the Bible teach that we are to be slow to speak (James 1:19) and that he who restrains his lips is wise (Proverbs 10:19). It sure does! So then it is important we interpret these in light of other scriptures (Mark 16:15; Philippians 1:13-14; I Thessalonians 2:4; Titus 2:1 and others) that encourage us to speak up.

You see, it isn’t so much in the speaking that we run into problems. What God knows (and what we quickly learn about ourselves) is that the sinful issues arise when we speak without thinking first or we talk before we actually listen to what the other person is saying.

It’s obvious that the Bible can’t mean to never speak up, given it’s many verses (and also the examples of godly people) encouraging us to do that very thing. But so many believers cling to those verses as if that gives them God’s permission to never speak the truth–even at the most opportune moments.

I guess each one of us struggles with this in one way or another. We all struggle with loving ourselves more than loving the truth. Whether it is exhibited by the relentless desire to prove we are right (and smarter than the other person) or it is by staying quiet so as not to draw unwanted antagonism or ridicule, both show the ugly love of self.

Only we can know why we are choosing to speak up or not to speak up. Only we can examine our hearts as to why we are responding as we are in times of opportunity.

James 3 reminds us just how dangerous the tongue is. It is an important reminder! There is so much potential to cause tremendous amounts of damage with it. But when we read the end of that chapter we begin to understand that it isn’t in the speaking but in the motives when we speak that the sin lies.

James 3:14-18 puts it like this–

But if you have bitter envy and [h]self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 18 Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Bitter envy and self-seeking in our hearts are the proof that we are using earthly, sensual, and even demonic wisdom. When we speak up with these things in our hearts and minds, no good fruit can result.

But when we use the wisdom from above, then all is changed. Speaking up becomes about our dedication to the truth. It’s about being willing to admit we were wrong when necessary, it’s about being willing to yield on issues that are not of biblical import. It is peaceable and gentle.

I like how the ESV puts it: “open to reason”. This means are willing to have a loving, thoughtful discussion. And yet we must always go back to the Word of God as our standard and guide. This is our foundation for any opinion that truly matters.

God gives each of us many opportunities to share the Gospel and to point people to His Word. The question is do we love that other person and truth more than we love self so that we willing to speak up? And, if so, can we remove our love for self and our need to be right from the conversation?

 

Do we love truth more than we love self?

It is a very important question for any sincere follower of Christ.

 

 

What is Your M.O.?

6 Comments / August 6, 2019

Frustration filled the voice of the caller. She had just had a meeting with someone and they were inflexible, unkind, and unhelpful. The real rub was that the person she had just talked to was supposedly a Christian–the kind that actually holds to what the Bible teaches.

This can often be the M.O. ( *modus operandi) of Bible-believing Christians. I am not sure how or why this is but, too often, the terms “unloving” and “harsh” apply all too well to those who call themselves believers.

On the other hand, love and kindness are often what we encounter when we meet up with Christians that care very little about doctrine. Despite their disinterest in most of the Bible, for some reason they have grabbed hold of the passages about love in the scriptures and they take them seriously.

Why is this? Why is it so hard to be passionate about truth and love?

There are probably a few reasons that make sense. A commitment to truth can yield arrogance in a prideful heart. Because of that commitment to truth, they consider themselves better than those who are not committed to truth. Another reason may be that they believe to be separated from the world means not talking to, not conversing with, having nothing to do with the world and so they respond coldly to anyone seeming to be from the world. And, of course, for most it may simply be cultural. They know no different and they have never even thought of being different. They are like their parents and their grandparents and their aunts and uncles. This is the way of the church they grew up in. The legalistic, judgemental church where you must wear the right thing, say the right thing, and do the right thing in order to be a “good Christian”.

In an age where the majority of those who call themselves Christians are ignoring all biblical commands in favor of living a worldly life, there are still a handful of us clinging to biblical truth.

But how is God going to use us if, as we cling to truth, we forget about love?

Loving others should be part of who we are. In fact, in I John 4, we read this–

 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, [d]how can he love God whom he has not seen? 21 And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.

Loving others is not simply a command. It is a test for whether or not we are a true believer!

Love is not an option but it is, rather, a natural outpouring of God’s work in our lives. If it is missing, we have serious cause for concern.

Now, of course, let me say here, there is a worldly definition for love that does not apply when we are having this discussion, right? The kind that agrees with sin, that applauds the sinner in their sin, that affirms and approves, no matter what the choice. That isn’t love. That is foolishness.

But when it comes to real love and kindness–what would people say about you?

Personally, I have come to realize that when I get in a discussion regarding something I feel passionate about, I can become rather intense as I discuss. I don’t mean to be harsh or unkind but I have finally recognized that this is how some people perceive me. I have gone back to apologize more than once and try to stay very conscious of this tendency, but I am still learning how to balance my passion for truth with heartfelt love.

It is important to consider what is our M.O. as we walk through our lives. When our family and friends think of us, do the words love and kindness come to mind?

I have written many posts about loving the truth because it is so important and because it is so terribly lacking in today’s church. But we also need to recognize the importance of love.

Let’s consider three reasons that we should–and even must–love others–

First, it is commanded and proves that we are a true believer. This could not be clearer, as demonstrated by the verses above.

Second, no one wants to listen to us talk about anything–much less God and truth–without love. If someone speaks to you in a harsh, unkind, or sarcastic way, do you even care what they are saying? They have already discredited themselves and their words considerably.

And, third, life is so much sweeter when we love. Have you thought about that? If we are all caught up in manmade rules and policing others, we lose so much joy. When we can understand that God takes each person on their own journey of spiritual growth and that we are not responsible for them, it yields so much more peace and joy in our lives. Whether it is our child, our spouse, or a friend, we must release them to God and just keep loving them and challenging them with biblical truth as we are given the opportunity. But there is no need to pound truth over their heads or to spend our lives frustrated and irritable. And there is certainly no cause for thinking that we are somehow better than they are. There, but for the grace of God, go I!

 

Oh, how important and necessary is this balance of truth and love. One without the other is like the day without the night. Both must be present in order to function best as a believer. The fact that both are present is not only an assurance of our salvation but is a demonstration to the world that we belong to Christ.

So go out and show some kindness! Love the people God has placed in your life today!

 

* modus operandi—a particular way or method of doing something, especially one that is characteristic or well-established.

 

How Do I Respond to My Enemies?

2 Comments / April 23, 2018

So often Christians find themselves at odd with other Christians. There will be two true believers who just do not agree. Whether it’s a disagreement over something as simple as a remodeling project at church or it’s a deeper issue of how a certain scripture passage should be interpreted, we will always find someone that we will disagree with about something.

What keeps two people who disagree with each other from being enemies? What brings true Christian unity?

Please keep in mind that this post is referring to unity between true believers and not to the “fake” unity that warmly embraces all perversions of the Gospel and even religions that don’t adhere to the Gospel at all to be unified under the broad term of “Christianity”. We know that this kind of unity is not biblical, according to Galatians 1:9–

As we have said before, so now I say again, if anyone preaches any other gospel to you than what you have received, let him be accursed.

But there is something that is called true, Christian unity. This unity can only exist between brothers and sisters in Christ. This kind of unity keeps us moving toward the same goals and embracing the same purpose. This unity builds bridges instead of walls. It will fill Christians with loving concern for one another instead of filling them with grudges, resentment, and jealousy.

This sounds so wonderful, doesn’t it? But it is often hard to find. Why is this?

Why does someone decide they do not like someone?

Sometimes we don’t care for someone based on a shallow, silly thing. And then there are also better reasons, based on things like biblical error or a prideful, arrogant spirit that is consistently divisive.

But we have to ask ourselves: Are any of these reasons good enough? If you were to stand before God today and tell Him your reason for not liking a certain person, would He say, “Way to go, my child. I agree with you completely.” ??

Of course we know the answer, don’t we? Because we know that God is love. We shouldn’t view anyone as an enemy, much less a brother or sister in Christ.

Romans 12:8 puts it like this–

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

We should, to the best of our ability, work at being at peace with everyone, believer and non-believer. This verse naturally brings two thoughts to my mind.

First, what if someone won’t be at unity with me?

Of course, since we know that the world will hate us (John 15:19), we know that it isn’t always possible to be at peace with those in the world. But sometimes it is a fellow Christian who refuses to forgive us. Or perhaps they just don’t like us but won’t tell us why. What then? These kinds of situations are heart-breaking and lead to feelings of helplessness as we try to navigate the back-biting, the whispering, and the cold shoulders.

I have a friend who taught me an important lesson about this very thing. Our daughters were playing soccer together and something happened to her little girl that could have started some real drama on the team. And this was her advice to her daughter, “kill them with kindness”. I heard her say that so often when her daughter would feel slighted or frustrated about something. And then, following her example, I started to say this to my kids. Yes, this is what we are called to do.

In fact, Jesus takes it even further in Matthew 5:43-44, telling us to love them, bless them, do good to them, and to pray for them!–

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.

This is a tall order, is it not? But there it is. Commanded by Jesus in the Holy Bible. Instead of gossiping, instead of returning the coldness, instead of resentment or anger, we love, we bless, we do good things, and we pray for them.

But we do this because it is right, not because it will necessarily change anything. Let’s go back to the beginning of Romans 12:18–

“if it is possible, as much as it depends on you”

We know from these words that Paul realized it isn’t always possible. It is part of living life as a sinner, alongside sinners, in a fallen world. Sometimes we just have to follow Jesus’s words and find contentment even when there is no resolution and no forgiveness. A hard thing, indeed. But, you know what? This is just another thing that God uses to grow us and to teach us that we must find our peace and joy in Him alone.

Second, we won’t be best friends with everyone.

Even among truly unified Christian brothers and sisters, there will be those who are “kindred spirits” and those who are not. And that’s okay. But so often special friendships between Christians are viewed with resentment or jealousy. As believers we should realize that we will be better friends with some than others. It is how God designed us. Remember David and Jonathan? If you read I Samuel 18, you will realize that their friendship was very special. Once in a while, God will bring these special Christian friends into our world. They are true treasures and, instead of feeling jealous, we should be glad for others if they have found a special friend.

If we are still longing for this type of friendship, then pray and ask God to bring you a friend. I remember as a young mom feeling the need for this type of friend and so, unbeknownst to me, my mom started praying. And within a year or so of her prayers, God led me to Deb. We realized we were kindred spirits as we sat in a group of women and chatted and, shortly after, became best friends. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer if you need a friend!

And then there are those fellow Christians in our lives who could never be a kindred spirit. In fact, some of them drive us a little crazy. We may feel guilty if we don’t appreciate a Christian brother or sister like we know we should. What then?

God made us all different and certain personalities may grate on us. We may find them hard to get along with or their mannerisms alone might irritate us. They may be boastful or arrogant.

But if we take a look at Philippians 2:1-2, we have to acknowledge that God doesn’t give us any caveat for difficult people–

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, 2 fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.

We are to be like-minded with all Christians–as much as it depends on us. We obviously can’t control the other person.

So how do we do this? How can we be like-minded? These verses show us–we have the same love, the same accord, the same mind as our fellow Christians. This can only be done if we are diligently studying the scriptures together, submitting our desires and wills to God, joyfully obeying the commands we find there, while increasing our knowledge of God. When people are not getting along, it often goes back to this. Biblical illiteracy once again rears its ugly head in church matters.

And, along with knowing God’s Word, we find the oil that keeps things working together smoothly in Colossians 3:14–

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I Corinthians 13:4-6 gives us a description of this love that will break down barriers and bind Christians together in perfect unity–

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And I Peter 4:8 is further confirmation of this idea that love will bring unity–

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Even when we don’t particularly appreciate a fellow Christian, we can love them. We are commanded to love them. And we should thank the Lord for them, for they are helping us to grow in patience and self-control!

Enemies are just part of life. If we are going to take any stand at all on the things that matter, we will have enemies. We cannot control how they treat us, but we can control how we treat them. And let’s intentionally work at not having needless enemies. We must back away from the stuff that doesn’t matter. Will it matter in a hundred years what color carpet is used in the church? Is a slight difference in how someone interprets the book of Revelation really a cause for division? Let’s wisely and, oh so carefully, choose our battles. Most hills we choose to stand on are just not worth dying on. We don’t always have to be right. We don’t always have to have our way. So often it just doesn’t matter.

And most of all, when we find ourselves in the midst of a heated disagreement with a fellow Christian or facing a full-blown enemy, then let’s love them. Love them, bless them, do good to them, and pray for them. If you don’t remember anything else from this post, I hope you will remember these words of Jesus.

 

How Are You Any Different?

2 Comments / March 1, 2018

A few weeks ago, there was another terrible school shooting. This one in Florida, where the lives of 17 teachers and students were snuffed out in an instant by a madman with a gun. It is hard to wrap our brains around such a thing.

But, perhaps just as hard to understand, is the story that broke a few days later. There was an armed security guard there who chose to remain outside and do nothing during all that carnage.

This guy has taken a lot of heat for this. He has been called a coward–and I am sure much worse–because of his cowardly decision. And, as a parent, I have to just say that I would struggle to forgive a man that could have possibly stopped the killer and perhaps saved my child’s life before it was too late. Such needless loss. This guy was specially trained but when the time to test what he had learned came, he failed. And he failed miserably.

A pastor shared this breaking news story with his congregation this past weekend and then turned to them and asked this question:

How are you any different?

How are we any different?? If we know people all around us are headed to hell and dying in their sins for all eternity and then we sit idly by, unwilling to put our reputations, our friendships, our jobs, or our families on the line in order to save them from eternal damnation by sharing the Gospel, then how are we any different?

In fact, we may even be worse, given the fact that–at least at this point–we are not putting our lives on the line to share the Gospel. We are so wimpy that we aren’t even willing to sacrifice our temporal pleasures.

I am speaking to myself here as much as to any of you. When someone told me this challenge their pastor gave the other day, I was stopped in my tracks. What is wrong with me??

We lose perspective so quickly, don’t we? We lose sight of the fact that–if we have been redeemed by God through Jesus Christ alone– we are not on this earth to amass wealth, to live the good life or the American dream, to see ourselves or our kids succeed, to be popular, to be nice, to be active in our communities, or even to meet the needs of the poor. These aren’t necessarily bad things, but they aren’t why we are here.

No, these things are temporal, earthly things that won’t make an eternal difference at all. One of our main purposes for life upon our entrance into God’s Kingdom is to share the Gospel and to make disciples (Matthew 28:19-20; Mark 16:15).

So why is this so hard?

Why is it so hard to share the Good News that has taken us from darkness into God’s marvelous light?

It’s hard because the unadulterated Gospel, as presented in scripture, is not popular. The concepts of hell, of judgment, of absolute truth, of an exclusive way to heaven have become anathema in a culture that is obsessed with self-gratification and false unity. And so it really is feasible that we are putting our reputations, our friendships, and a variety of other things on the line when we share the Gospel.

And that’s why we don’t do it.

So the next time you are tempted to have a critical thought about that security guard, remember your own reluctance at self-sacrifice. Remember your own hesitation at sacrificing personal convenience and comfort at the expense of someone’s eternal destiny. And then give that guy some grace.

And may this question: How are we any different? cause us to rise up and become more passionate about sharing the Good News of God’s plan of salvation with others–even if it means we have to sacrifice a little something in order to do so.

 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily,a]”>[a] and follow Me.24 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.25 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?26 For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His own glory, and in His Father’s, and of the holy angels. Luke 9:23-26

Helping Your Child Flourish

Leave a Comment / February 26, 2018

What is the single most important thing we can teach our children in order for them to flourish both spiritually and emotionally? This may even help in their worldly success…

Of course, as Christian parents we want to teach our kids to love and serve the Lord. We want them to be saved. But even salvation can’t happen without this.

Any guesses?

It is a humble and teachable heart.

I have seen an interesting and discouraging change in Christian parenting in the last number of years. The culture that worships youth and thrives on change has crept into the church. And this has turned parenting on its head. Children have become the center of the family. Children are catered to while parents work to meet every desire and whim they may have. Children get what they want. From the time they are an infant angrily screaming in their crib to the time they are hurt by a teacher or students at school to the time they are teens who want to see an ungodly movie, parents run as fast as they can to rescue and please their little tyrants. I understand how it happens. I have done it myself. It’s easier. It seems more loving at the time. It feels wrong not to give them what they want. It makes us look like we are a bad parent.

But what are we teaching our children by meeting their every demand? What are we doing to their psyche by giving them the impression that the world revolves around them?

There are many downsides to this kind of parenting, but perhaps the one that will affect them the most is the pride and self-centeredness that we are instilling in them. They believe–and rightly so because it is what they have been taught–that they are the center of the world and that what they say goes.

As Christian parents, it should be one of our greatest desires to teach our children, both by example and by actions, to be humble and teachable. To recognize that God is our focus and that we are here to honor and serve Him–even at the sacrifice of our own desires and will.

By doing this, our children flourish in so many ways. Think with me for a moment about the most humble and teachable person you know. What do you like about them? Keep in mind, we are not talking the false “doormat” type of humility here that blows towards every wind of doctrine and is afraid to speak up. We are talking about biblical humility. (See Philippians 2:5-11 and James 4:6-10 for a better understanding of biblical humility.)

Let’s  look at some of the ways that our children (and ourselves) will flourish with this kind of heart. Children and adults who are humble and teachable–

–First and foremost, will find it much easier to submit to and obey God. A humble heart is necessary for repentance and faith in Christ. A teachable heart makes the Christian life much more peaceful and joyful. It is the kind of heart that produces the most growth and spiritual maturity.

–Are kinder. They think beyond themselves and focus attention on others.

–Are easier to get along with. Whether in church or at work, humble people do not demand their own way. When something biblical is on the line and they are standing for what’s right, they speak truth with love and grace. They don’t hold grudges, forgiving others who have wronged them. Humble people are willing to learn from others and don’t think they know everything. Humility is really the only path to unity in a church body or work place.

–easier to live with. A humble heart makes it much easier for a husband to love his wife. It makes it easier for a wife to submit to her husband. It makes it easier to apologize and to express openly one’s remorse over sin and failures. It keeps parents from the “because I say so” model of parenting, and instead cultivates an atmosphere of engaging children in lively discussions, listening to their fears, anger, and frustrations, and answering their questions from a biblical perspective. It radically eliminates the hours and days (or even weeks) of angry silence that sometimes take place in homes. A teachable heart creates an atmosphere of growth and unity within the family.

–are much more prone to growth in so many ways. Where a prideful heart is akin to hard, dry soil, so a humble heart is like moist, fertile soil. Good things grow in the soil of a humble, teachable heart. They grow faster and stronger. Pride makes growth hard. It may happen but it is so much slower and the result is usually weak and small.

–willing to listen. Humble, teachable people are willing to listen to others. They recognize that the elderly, the middle-aged, and the youth all have something to teach them.Whether they are 80, 50, or 25, humble people recognize that learning is a life-long process and that they can learn so much from someone else’s experiences, gleaning wisdom that helps them in their own lives. They also recognize the importance of kindly listening to someone even if they do not agree with them.

–have a biblical view of sin in their own lives and in the lives of others. Humble people do not berate and gossip about those who are living in sin. They don’t point fingers and speak arrogantly. They recognize that it is only by the grace of God that they are not caught up in that sin themselves. They understand the wickedness of their own heart and don’t view themselves as “better than”.

If we can teach our kids to have a humble and teachable heart, we are giving them such a wonderful advantage as they head out into the world. They will be better workers and church members. They will thrive as spouses and parents. It really is like a golden ticket to peace and joy. For it is only through humility that any of us can submit to God and His sovereign hand in our lives.

This list probably gives us all something to think about, even if we don’t have children in our homes. Are we setting an example of a humble, teachable heart to all of those around us? Our grandchildren, our nieces and nephews, our Sunday school students, our neighbors and co-workers–they are all watching.

If we haven’t cultivated a humble, teachable heart in the past. If we grow defensive and struggle to apologize. If we hold grudges and find it difficult to forgive. Well, it’s not too late to change. No matter how old we are, it is never too late to change.

My guess is that all of us can grow in this area. Pray and ask the Lord to help. On a humorous note, I have asked the Lord many times to please keep me humble. And He never fails. I chalk some of my most embarrassing moments up to those prayers. But, after the horridness and acute embarrassment of the moment was over, I can honestly say that I was glad. Glad that God had reminded me that I wasn’t “all that” and that I really don’t have it all that much together, after all. Those moments keep me seeking after God and discarding my pride. So, if that’s what it takes, well, it is truly worth it. And since this is a continual process and never something I can seem to master, I expect many more embarrassing moments ahead!

Life is hard. But it is harder when we are proud and unwilling to learn. Let’s work at being humble and teachable and let’s teach our children both by example and by how we parent, to be the same. They will thank you one day.

 

What Does Your Love for Self Cause You to Do (or Not Do)?

2 Comments / January 22, 2018

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The last week or so, I have been really reflecting on how much we all do because we are concerned about our own selfish good. This has come about through a couple of conversations, through a sermon of by Pastor Dean (found here), and through our Sunday School study of Philippians. As I mulled these things over during the past few days, I recognized the two things they all pointed to: A Savior that never did anything–not even one tiny thing–out of selfishness. And, second, the weakness of believers–those that the Savior has saved–that can hardly do anything without at least a tinge of selfishness.

Selfishness gets almost all of us in one way or another, doesn’t it? Sometimes we are obvious in how we go about it–we demand our way, our rights, our desires. We are very noticeably selfish. But, for others of us, we are viewed as the nicest, most unselfish people in the world, even while we are being selfish. We agree with everyone, we don’t confront, we don’t have the hard conversations–all because we hate conflict and we don’t want to rock the boat. We will selfishly do anything to avoid even a hint of controversy.

For others of us self takes on a whole life of its own, as we grasp for praise and glory, growing comfortable in a life of boasting so that we can make sure others see how great we are. Pride grows out of self-absorption and we start to believe we know everything and, along with this, comes the insatiable desire to win every argument and always be “right”.  Even when it doesn’t matter at all.

And then for others, we like our comfort and our relationships and our churches and we just aren’t willing to sacrifice them to stand up for what’s right. Again, love of self rears its ugly head. When it comes right down to it, we’d rather have a friend go to hell and still have them as a friend, than to risk that friendship to share the Gospel.

Now, don’t get me wrong–I am not saying that we should always speak up. There is great wisdom in knowing when not to speak. I tend to be one of those that speaks up too much and I have spent a lifetime working on timing and, most often, not speaking at all and praying instead.

But sometimes we do need to speak up–especially when it concerns the Gospel and other biblical matters. Knowing how to do that gently and with love is important. I’ve mentioned this before, but one of my greatest concerns in the area of discernment is how unloving these “discerners” can be–treating it as if they are on a treasure hunt and it is some great competition. Some even seem to gloat with glee when they discover something. Pride is often rearing its ugly head in these scenarios. (Okay, that was a bit of a rabbit trail, but I just had to say it!)

Our struggles with selfishness show themselves in our homes as parents and spouses (As we fervently avoid battles, insist on being right, are lazy in nurturing and disciplining our kids, and as we lack a servant’s heart–home always tells the true tale); in our churches (as we insist on certain ways to do insignificant things and as we are unwilling to call out sin); and in our work places (as we demand our desires or stay quiet at the water cooler.) This is the nitty gritty of Christian living for all of us. If you will allow me to use a cliche: This is where the rubber meets the road.

The key is this: We always have to ask ourselves–why are we speaking up? Why are we not speaking up? Why are we doing a certain action? Or not doing a certain action? Why are we thinking what we are thinking? And then we must run it all through the grid of the Word, making sure that our own desires aren’t getting in the way of speaking, doing, and thinking what’s right.

Truthfully, I don’t know most of you at all. I don’t know how SELF worms its way into your thinking. I don’t know if you are one who demands your own way or if you are someone who sits back and says nothing to avoid conflict. I don’t know if you are someone who is always pushing your own agenda and opinions on others or if you are someone who timidly won’t say anything so as to not rock any boats.

But what I do know is that all of us–in one way or another–fight a battle with our greatest enemy of SELF. Today would be a good day for all of us to take a good look in our hearts and see how we are doing in that battle. Are we winning? Or losing?

Philippians 2:5-8 encourages us to have the mind of Christ. If we read verses 3 and 4 right before this section, we can understand that an important part of having the mind of Christ is diminishing our view of self.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.5 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, 7 but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

Do we really understand exactly what Christ did by coming to earth?? This is probably worthy of its own post, but, I will just say this: As we begin to grasp and gain a deeper understanding of exactly what Christ did so that we could be saved from eternal damnation, our battle with self takes on a new importance and we gain a deeper desire to win that battle! Our enemy of self must be beaten if we are to be like Christ and if we are going to live effectively for Christ. There is no other way. Selfish people are useless in–and even detrimental to– God’s Kingdom.

As my pastor said the other Sunday in this challenging sermon: There is only one throne in our hearts. Who is on yours?

I leave you with these wise words of John Newton, the former slave trader, who was amazingly saved by grace (and who actually went on to write our beloved hymn Amazing Grace)–

Beware of SELF! This is the worst enemy we have to deal with!
 
Self-will,
self-wisdom,
self-righteousness,
self-seeking,
self-dependence,
and self-boasting.
 
It is a large family–and I cannot count up all the branches! They are all nearly related to Satan–and they are all a sworn enemy to our peace.
 
If we lie low–then the Lord will raise us up.
But if we will be something–then His arm will surely pull us down.

That monster SELF has as many heads as a Hydra, and as many lives as a cat! It is more than twenty-five years since I hoped it was fast nailed to the Cross! But alas, it is alive–and still mixing with and spoiling everything I do!

 

And to that I say a rousing AMEN!!!

 

 

(Note: The Hydra was a serpentine mythological water monster with many heads.
For every head chopped off–the Hydra would re-grow a couple of new heads.)

 

Parenting 101

Leave a Comment / September 13, 2017

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Parenting is quite the adventure! Each stage offers its own challenges and rewards. Just when you are getting used to the stage you are in, it is replaced by the next one. Before you can blink, you have been through all of the stages and find yourself in the final stage of having adult kids. Grandchildren make this long and final stage of our parenting years extra sweet.

Several years ago I did a series on parenting. Since this was before many of you subscribed, I thought it may be time to dust it off and share it again. Some things are worth bringing back out of the archives and I believe this series is one of them.

The series addressed all the stages we go through as parents, written from my own experience as well as from the examples of Christian families that have a good track record of raising adult kids who are living for the Lord.

And so I am going to put all the links for this series below. I hope it is a blessing to you.

Parenting 101: The Basics

This post deals with some of the basics we must understand, no matter what stage we are at in our parenting years.

Parenting 101: What Does My Marriage Have To Do With It?

This shows how a healthy marriage can really give us a great jumpstart in raising healthy kids.

Parenting 101: Who’s the Boss?

This post addresses some of the challenges in raising toddlers and preschoolers.

Parenting 101: When They Grow Out of the Cute Stage

This post continues the series by offering some tips on how we can start preparing our elementary-aged children for adulthood.

Parenting 101: I Need a Reason

This post addresses the specific concerns we have when we are parenting teens.

Parenting 101: What’s My Role

Eventually our kids become adults. This post offers some thoughts on our changing role as the parent of an adult.

Parenting 101: On Being a “Great” Grandparent

This post was based solely on watching grandparents around me, as I was not even a grandparent when I wrote this. More specifically, we have been blessed to watch my parents and my husband’s parents love and support our children. Their wonderful example was the basis for this post.

 

 

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