Struggles – Page 13 – Growing 4 Life

The Thing Anger Never Accomplishes

6 Comments / June 18, 2015 June 18, 2015

Anger is just one of those things we justify, isn’t it? We can come up with so many different reasons why we should be “allowed” to be angry. Such as–

Someone said something unkind

Our spouse didn’t meet our expectations

Someone isn’t giving us something we want

Our co-worker isn’t carrying their load

Our kids are too noisy or too defiant or too annoying

The line is soooooo long

We are cut off on the highway

Our phone quit working

We spilled coffee on our laptop

The dog chewed a hole in the carpet

There are over a million reasons that we Christians will use to rationalize our angry outbursts or our seething, simmering, cold silences.

As in —pretend they aren’t sinful. Pretend they aren’t our fault. Pretend that we aren’t to blame for our anger. We convince ourselves that it is someone else’s fault. It is certainly not ours.

When we do this, we do feel better, don’t we? At least on the surface. This requires no repentance. No work on our part to change. No guilt.

The past few weeks we have been reading in Proverbs in our Bible Challenge. There is so much wisdom in this book of the Bible that I have found myself liberally highlighting many of the verses there. But the verses on anger may have been especially appropriate for me with this read-through. Let me tell you why–

Recently, I have fallen prey to this dangerous anger game. I would be irritated or frustrated and instead of taking responsibility, found it easier just to blame it on someone else. Even as I write, I find myself a little reluctant to take full responsibility for my anger. After all, she did this…or he said that…

And then my Sunday School teacher said something the other week that stopped me in my tracks. (Thank you, Morris!)–

Your anger will never accomplish anything for God’s righteous purposes.

I felt like he was speaking directly to me (and–if I’m honest– maybe to my husband, too!) We have had an interesting last few months. Interesting seems a good word, since I don’t want to complain. Most of what is happening is really good–some of what is happening is not so good, but, through it all, we are very aware that we are so blessed. But what all of these changes have led to is a whole lot of stress and intensity of feelings that is a bit outside our norm as a family.

My teacher’s words struck a chord deep within as I realized that I had been trying to use anger (it’s cold, punishing silence and the occasional unkind outbursts) to try to make things the way I want them to be. Or to fix something. Or to make someone feel guilty. Or to change someone’s mind.

There are many reasons to be angry and to act on that anger– but none of them are for God’s glory.

Anger can be a very effective tool. But there is always a way that we could do it better and more effectively. Anger is never the best way. Sure, we may be able to make our kids obey us by screaming at them, but if we train them to only respond when our voice reaches a certain pitch, then they will continue in that same pattern with their own kids. How much wiser to keep our voices low and demand obedience immediately, with consistent consequences to follow.

And let me make something very clear– I am not saying that we did this right. I am here saying we didn’t do this right. Anger has always been a struggle for us in our family. We can see the fruits of it in our kids’ lives and we are sending them off into the world to fight their own battles with this sin. We could have done such a better job in this area. Oh, we never threw plates or shouted obscenities, but we did let many angry words fly over the years and for that I have great regret.

Especially when I think of it in light of the words of my teacher.

I remember someone talking about angry words years ago and comparing them to toothpaste– once they are squeezed out of the tube, you cannot put them back in. Our kids don’t forget the mean, hateful things we say in the heat of an argument or temper tantrum. Neither do our spouses and other family members. Self-control–that fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-23–is very much in need when it comes to this sin of anger. For even if we are angry, we need to think first and confess before we act on it.

If we are human, we will have to admit that anger is as natural a feeling as being happy or sad. We humans, without exception, hate our plans being thwarted. Sure, some of us get worked up much more easily than others, but we all have our limit. We all have our threshold of when enough is enough. How that looks is different for all of us. Some of us are screamers. Some of us grow icy cold and quiet. Anger is a sin in both cases, although screamers tend to have more pieces to pick up after it’s all over. Some withhold conversation or physical touch in order to punish, others may yell and curse– or even occasionally throw something –but both reactions are sinful reactions.

There are a few sins that have become extremely accepted by the church — to the point that we rarely even discuss them anymore. I believe anger is one of them.

I have no idea today if you have fought this battle, are fighting this battle, or aren’t even convicted about this. You know where I’m at. I need prayer. These next few months promise to be so happy and exciting, but also stressful and demanding and, yes, even a little sad. I want to rise to the occasion and be a good testimony– I don’t want to flounder in my own wants and desires, demanding my own way. I want to remember that anger never accomplishes God’s righteous purposes!

I hope that you feel the same way. Here are some verses to get us started on our way to battling this sin.

Proverbs 16:32
Ephesians 4:26
Ephesians 4:31
Ephesians 6:4
Colossians 3:8
I Timothy 2:8
James 1:19
Galatians 5:16-26
Matthew 5:22

Getting a Glimpse

Leave a Comment / June 8, 2015 June 8, 2015

Let me first share this: From the time I was a young girl I never really wanted anything more than to be a mom. While my friends looked forward to going to college and having fascinating careers, I was simply biding my time until I’d {hopefully} get to fulfill my dream of being a wife and mom. The Lord did bring a wonderful guy into my life while I was at college. It wasn’t until the summer before my senior year that he would ask me to marry him. A couple of years after we were married we found out that we were having a baby. And that was the beginning of my “mom” dream.

But no one ever tells you what you will feel like when the final curtain is getting ready to close on your dream. When all the work and tears and joys and fears that involve raising kids is just about coming to a close. And, yes, I know that I will always be a mom. But what being a mom looks like to adult kids is a very different thing. It is a new role for a new stage.

Which leads me to an incident in my past that I haven’t talked much about.

When I was pregnant with my fourth child, I felt unusually ill. This was uncharacteristic for me in pregnancy but I never suspected that this meant anything was wrong. I excitedly told everyone I was pregnant very early on. After all, I had had three healthy pregnancies. I surely wouldn’t have a miscarriage now, right?

Wrong.

Around week ten, I vividly remember going to the bathroom one Sunday afternoon and spotting a dot of blood. Of course, I had heard that it is quite normal for some women to bleed a bit in the early stages of pregnancy and so I tried to comfort myself with that thought, but somewhere deep inside, I knew that it was over. I had never bled in any of my pregnancies and I just knew that this was a bad sign.

The next morning I called my doctor and they had me come in right away. When they ran the necessary tests, the doctor came into the room and told me that I had what they called a “blighted ovum”. It was a fertilized egg that had just stopped developing and no one really knows why.

I was crushed. While it was comforting to know that we have a 5th child who is in heaven right now, since we believe that life begins at conception, I would never get to meet this child on earth. I mourned the dreams and the plans that died that day. But, if I am honest, I was also disappointed that my life hadn’t gone according to my plans. I had planned to have no more than 2 1/2 years between any of my children. Now that was completely ruined.

To top it off, it took me awhile to get pregnant again. I grew a little more frustrated with each month that passed by. I hadn’t wanted this fourth one to be so far behind the other three.

But here’s what I didn’t know at the time–

I did not know that my three oldest children would get married in the span of thirteen months.

I did not know that my house would grow eerily quiet in the evenings.

I did not know that there would only be one or two at the dinner table most nights.

I did not realize the storm of emotions that would surround all that’s going on in my life right now.

And so yesterday when my youngest was sharing how hard it is to be the one left out of all of the wedding and honeymoon talk going on in our family, I had to just stop and think for a moment. I looked at her and I almost started crying. How kind of God to give me a daughter for an extra couple of years in this time of emotional upheaval in my life. Because He knew what I would be feeling. He knew that I needed her to be a few years behind the others. He knew.

And in that instant, I caught just a glimpse of how God’s ways are higher and wiser than mine. It reminded me of Isaiah 55:9–

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.

God’s ways are surely higher than mine. And, many times, we never truly understand how it all fits together. We don’t understand why He has allowed the painful events in our lives and many of our “whys” are never answered.

But–every now and again–when we review the landscape of our lives, we can catch a glimpse of the tapestry. And we stand in awe at the wisdom and mercy of our heavenly Father.

I am so thankful for my four children. I am thankful for the Christian spouses He has provided for them. I am so excited for them to begin their new lives together! But I am also thankful for my sweet baby. I am thankful that she will be around for a few more years than I planned. Most of all, I am thankful that I serve a God Whose ways are higher than my ways.

Sex is Not a Four-Letter Word

2 Comments / June 4, 2015 June 4, 2015

Disclaimer: This post is really for my fellow Christian women. Men will probably not get this post, although it may help them to understand their wives a bit if they take the time to read it.

Sex Trafficking/Slavery.

Transgender/Trans-sexual.

Sexual Abuse and Molestation.

Pornography.

Affairs.

Prostitution.

The Gay Agenda.

If we have been saved by the blood of Christ, we view the above words as sinful or evil. Some of the words are viewed as evil even by the world. This is because God’s Word (and our consciences) inform us that all of the above are sexual behaviors that lie outside of God’s perfect will for sexuality. All are warped and broken ways that man has tainted sexuality. It would appear that Satan has given some of his greatest effort to destroying sex as God designed it.

So it’s Thursday, the day that I generally write about what we are currently reading in our Bible Challenge. I almost chickened out and was seriously considering ignoring the Song of Solomon completely. It was very tempting. I don’t even really “get” that book (comparing love to clusters of henna blossoms and teeth to recently shorn sheep isn’t my style!) But there it was–this book that talks about verdant beds and breasts like towers. In the Bible. Our guide book for life has a whole book about the pure and holy beauty of physical intimacy between a husband and a wife.

Many of us are very uncomfortable even mentioning the word “sex”. Satan has corrupted and perverted it almost beyond recognition. Because of this, it has destroyed countless lives and families. If we grew up in a Christian home, this word may have been ignored completely. Many families just pretend that it doesn’t exist at all. And, even worse yet, I have heard of some women who were told by their mothers or other older women that sex is just a duty and nothing more, something to be endured.

Sex is a little tricky for Christians, isn’t it? It’s one of the only things I know of that is a sin in one set of circumstances (sex between two unmarried people ) and beautiful and glorious in a different set of circumstances (sex between two married people).

While I don’t really understand every verse of Song of Solomon, I do take away from reading this book that God considers sex between two married people to be something pure and holy and wonderful.

As women, in particular, I think we have to be careful not to mix the feelings we have about our pasts (sexual sin or abuse) with our married sex life now. This can be difficult and there is no easy way to heal from something like this. But women can heal from this. I have heard the testimonies of several women who have struggled through the guilt of their pasts. There is hope!

I also believe that we have to be so careful not to let the debauchery of prime-time TV or the perverted remarks and jokes we hear in a steady stream all around us to taint our view of sex the way God created it to be. We have become a weirdly over-sexed nation– as if that is the only thing that matters in a relationship. And most of us are either laughing and going along with the world’s perversions of sex or we are putting our heads into the sand and pretending it’s not happening.

Some of you may be reading this and thinking: What is she talking about? My view of sex is perfectly healthy.

If that’s the case, I am so happy for you.

But I believe that it’s very likely that there are many, many Christian women who have been broken or taught lies about this word and they view sex as something to be endured or even avoided.

I am certainly no sex therapist but I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty: We will never be able to fully enjoy sex with our spouse until our view of sex is a biblical one.

Sex is not a dirty word. Instead, it is something that has been destroyed and broken almost irreparably by Satan and the world. It’s time for Christians to declare the truth about sex. We need to stop being so embarrassed about something that God created as a special gift for husbands and wives. The shame only comes when we step outside God’s design. There is no shame to be found in sex between a man and his wife. Yes, it should be a private thing, but it’s not shameful.

So that’s what I learned this week! I have a feeling next week’s post may seem a little boring compared to this one– if there even is a Thursday post next week since our son’s wedding is next Saturday! Wow, that came fast!

Have a great day. Hope I didn’t make you blush. :)

The Many Faces of Pride

10 Comments / May 21, 2015 May 1, 2018

I’ve had a really rough week. You don’t need details, but suffice it to say that I came face to face with my loathsome, prideful self yet once again.

Does that ever happen to you? Or am I the only one? You think you are doing pretty well in this Christianity thing and then something happens that you didn’t see coming or someone doesn’t meet your expectations and you react. And that’s when you realize that you still have so far to go. While it can be really painful, I am so thankful for these times, for they remind me of why I need a Savior so incredibly much and they help me to grow more like Christ.

Pride is an insidious, deadly sin. It gobbles up our peace and joy so quickly. It destroys most everything in its wake. Or, at the very least, keeps any relationship from being the best it could be.

Humility is the opposite of pride. Christ was humble, even to death on a cross, and humility is what He requires of us. First and foremost, humility is necessary for us to understand our need for a Savior. But, after our initial conversion, it is also so key in staying in a right relationship with God. It is absolutely critical for healthy family relationships. Humility helps us to be a better co-worker, a better child, a better spouse, a better parent. We are happier when we are humble. We bless others when we are humble. We experience much greater peace when we are humble.

When we think of pride, we often think of the kind that David exhibited in I Chronicles 21 (and 2 Samuel 24). David took a census. This was apparently an act of pride that cost him (and the whole nation of Israel) dearly. We can’t know for sure, but according to my Bible study notes, David’s act of taking this census could have angered God for a number of reasons. Perhaps because David was trying to gratify his pride in the great strength of his army and military power. Or he was putting more trust in his forces than in his God. Maybe this was showing that he was taking credit for the many victories of Israel. Whatever his reason, we know that God was angry, as we read in the passage.

And our pride often looks like David’s in our own day-to-day living. We take credit for something; we want the glory; we draw attention to our accomplishments and awards and accolades.

But let’s just say that we don’t really struggle with this type of thing. Maybe we hate attention and would never boast about ourselves. We would never count our successes and victories and put them out there for all the world to see. Is there still the possibility that pride could still be an issue for us, if boasting and taking censuses isn’t our style?

Of course, the answer to this is a resounding YES.

So what are some ways that pride hides out in the dark corners of our minds and hearts? I have been really thinking about this topic of humility this week. Knowing that in order for my relationships to work right, I need to be humble. In searching some of my favorite authors on this topic, I came across a $2.99 Kindle book called Sermons on Humility by Charles Spurgeon. I have not finished it, but in the first few pages he shares several different ways pride exhibits itself in even the most “humble” of us. I will follow each one with a few practical, modern-day examples —

There is the pride of the heretic, who will utter false doctrines, because he thinks his own judgment to be better than the word of God, never content to sit like a child to believe what he is told, he is a disputant but not a disciple. He will insist upon it that his own reason is to be the well-spring of his own beliefs, and he will receive nothing beyond his own reach.

This is immediately what I think of when I think of the Christians who claim that homosexuality isn’t a sin, that unity is more important than truth, or that the world evolved. They have the pride of the heretic–relying on their own intellect or on the intellect of other men instead of on the Word of God. The other person that comes to mind is the one who says there are many ways to heaven or that there is no hell. They, too, are holding their own thinking in higher merit than the Word of God.

There is next the pride of the Papist, who attaches merit to his own works, and hopes to will heaven as the reward of his own doings.

While they may not brag or boast about this, many think they are good people, quietly assuming that their good deeds outweigh their bad ones and this will be what gets them into heaven. Even many, many Christians (or shall I say people who identify with the religion of Christianity) believe they are going to heaven based on their own merit. This is pride. This is the kind that keeps our eyes blinded to our need for a Savior.

Next there is the pride of the curious. The man who is not content with simplicities, but must pry into mysteries. He would if he could climb to the Eternal Throne, and read between those folded leaves and break the seven seals of the mysterious book of destiny. You know well our apostle has many things in his writings which are hard to be understood, yet he uttered them because of the Spirit, and you never meet with any attempt in the apostle’s writing as you do in the preaching of some ministers, as you do in the conversation of some professors, to reconcile predestination with free will. He was quite content to preach to men as free agents, and exhort them to repent, quite willing to speak of God as working in us to will and do of his good pleasure, while we also work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. Paul was never curious to find out where the lines of truth met, he was perfectly content to take his doctrine from his Master’s spirit, and leave the old wives fables and endless genealogies and disputings, and questionings, to those who had no better guests to entertain.

I included this whole section here because it goes so very well with my post from Monday. I agree with Spurgeon whole-heartedly– it is prideful to think we have to understand the things we can’t understand. Yes, the ungodly will call you stupid and unintellectual when you take this approach (mostly because of their own personal pride). They don’t know God the way we do if we are saved. They don’t understand that submitting to His sovereignty is an incredible blessing. That some questions can go unanswered because the ones that really matter have already been answered. They can’t get it. Their eyes can’t see.

Again, there is the pride of the persecutor; the man who is not content with his own notions, but would hunt to death another, the pride which suggests that I am infallible, and that if any man should differ from me, the stake and the rack would be the due deserts of so great a sin, against so great a person as myself.

We may not want to see someone physically harmed when they don’t agree with us, but how many broken families and split churches fall under this type of pride? Millions? Trillions? This is perhaps the most tempting one for “godly Christians”. We think we are right. We believe that our opinion is best. We believe we are infallible. But if it’s not within the pages of scripture, is it actually something worth a broken relationship?

Is any special piece of furniture or bank account worth the fracturing of a family upon a parent’s death?

Is any decision of our adult children worth the tense and strained relationship that comes when we keep insisting they are doing the wrong thing or making the wrong choice?

Is any opinion of mine worth holding on to if it’s causing stress and constant argument in my marriage?

Is my hurt pride over what I heard that someone said about me worth a broken friendship?

NO, a thousand times NO. The answer to all of these questions is NO.

And so, so many of us fall prey to this deadly sin, leaving a trail of broken hearts and strained relationships. I don’t want to do this. I want my marriage more than I want to be right. I want a right relationship with my kids more than I want to be right. I want to be a good testimony more than I want to be right.

Keep in mind I am not talking about biblical truth here. Of course, we have to stand strong and fight for the truth held within the pages of scripture. I might add here that even these biblical debates can and should only be done with great gentleness and kindness. But most of us are not arguing over biblical doctrine (a few more of us should be! We seem to not find that important, while inane, silly things get us so riled up!), instead, we are debating and arguing over issues which have no biblical mandate. No right or wrong. I am talking about the silly, stupid stuff we won’t bend on. The stuff that isn’t worth it.

Life is hard. Relationships take work. And no relationship works well without at least one party practicing humility. Joy and peace elude us without humility. Unanswerable questions haunt us without it.

And so we start with us. Today. The only place we can start. And we take our desire to be right, our yearning for glory, and our prideful thoughts about how good we are and hand them all to the Lord, asking Him to humble us and to become more like Him.

Often crying and screaming inside our heads as we endure the emotional pain of the process.

Spurgeon, Charles (2014-09-28). Twelve Sermons on Humility; Titus Books. Kindle Edition.

False Advertising

2 Comments / May 11, 2015 May 11, 2015

The sign said that EVERYTHING in the store was 50% off! I wouldn’t really call myself an avid shopper, but a sign like that in a store filled with lovely clothing in a hundred spring colors was like a personal invitation.

My mom was with me and we had a few minutes to spare. And so we started filling our arms with clothing to try on–colorful summer dresses, mostly, and a couple of cute shirts. We carried our loads to the dressing room.

As is pretty typical, I came out of the dressing room with one thing. But the one thing I found I really liked. It was the perfect addition to my summer wardrobe. I took it to the cash register and waited for several minutes since, apparently, the only person taking sales at the register was also the person who answered the phone.

Finally, she hung up the phone and rang up my purchase. She named the total and I was taken aback. I was certainly not willing to pay that amount for any shirt– no matter how cute.

I immediately asked about the signs that were placed all over the store.

Well, guess what? Some things were excluded. Like my shirt.

Of course it was.

All the new spring items were not on sale.

What?? Where in the world did it say that on the sign?

I told her I did not want the shirt, after all, and walked away. On our way out of the store, we stopped by a sign to read the fine print. It was SO SMALL that we couldn’t even read it. Seriously. It was so small that I didn’t even see it there when we looked at the signs originally. I have never seen fine print that small.

I don’t really think I will shop at that store again anytime soon. I understand that stores need to use exclusions and fine print. But to do it in such a way as this store did was to mislead and really be dishonest. At least make the fine print legible.

I suppose that what this store did regarding what they have to sell is what Satan does with what he has to sell.

False Advertising.

Promising something that you can’t deliver.

Yep, that is exactly Satan’s style.

He promises us joy and peace if we follow our hearts.

But it’s not there.

He promises us a great life if we focus on our needs and wants at the cost of everyone else.

But it doesn’t happen.

He promises us an awesome time when we drink and use drugs, stare at pornographic images, or gamble away our paychecks.

And, sure, their may be a thrill for a brief minute or two, but he doesn’t show you the sorrow and heartbreak that goes with it. You never hear the word addiction or betrayal or loser when he is trying to win you to the other side, do you?

He promises us purpose and fulfillment if we just stand up for our rights.

But it doesn’t happen.

He promises us happy, carefree kids if we never say no to them.

But this is definitely false advertising. Happy kids are kids that have boundaries.

He promises us happiness if we just have that house we want, look like a model, or if our kid is a soccer star.

But it doesn’t come. Because that’s not what makes us happy. Not permanently.

Satan beckons us all with these lies. But we never read the fine print. This fine print can be read in the history books and literature of yesteryear. It can be read in the lives of our family members and the lives of those who live in our community. If we take some time and see the outcome of ungodly decisions, it isn’t hard to see the lack of wisdom in them.

You know, Jesus says in Luke 17:33 that “Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it.”

The further along I walk down the path of life, the deeper understanding I have this verse. The truth of the matter is that, after we are saved and have come into a right relationship with God, we can only experience true peace and pure joy through daily self-sacrifice and self-denial. I am much more at peace and so much more joyful, when I am practicing the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) than when I am trying to fulfill my own selfish desires. And, yet, that battle rages within me constantly. Even though I know the truth.

Oh, some of our worldly choices may lead to temporary happiness and bliss, but it never lasts. We will never be perfectly content until we root that contentment in Jesus. And, honestly, it is impossible to stay in that place entirely until we reach heaven. We are human, after all. Even Paul had trouble with fighting his flesh (Romans 7:15-20).

So this life is a battle. But it is a battle worth fighting! Selfish choices and decisions lead to destruction. Godly, wise decisions lead to a joyful life. We are given the freedom to make a choice. Which one will you make?

I will leave you with the words of one of my favorite Psalms–

Blessed is the man^[a]
    who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
    nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
²but his delight is in the law^[b] of the Lord,
    and on his law he meditates day and night.

³He is like a tree
    planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
    and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.
⁴The wicked are not so,
    but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

⁵Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
⁶for the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

(Psalm 1)

The Win (and what to do until then)

Leave a Comment / May 7, 2015 May 7, 2015

Isn’t it interesting how schools cycle through their glory years? One year the guys’ basketball team or girls’ soccer team is undefeated and there is enthusiastic school spirit supporting them. And then a season or two later all the glory has ended. Key players or a coach moves on and the dynamics change and suddenly they aren’t the team on top anymore.

The same dynamic plagues most professional sports teams, as well. I am a Philadelphia Phillies fan–no matter if they win or lose. But right now it is bad. Let’s just say that we aren’t watching a lot of baseball this year. It’s just not near as much fun as when they were really doing well and headed to the World Series.

And we are left with one conclusion–

Winning is glorious and losing is not.

A lot of the stories of King David are tales of victory over enemies. Just yesterday, we read of how the Ammonites asked the Syrians to fight with them and after being soundly defeated, we read that the Syrians were afraid “to save the Ammonites anymore” (2 Samuel 10:19). I guess I would have been, too. David had a reputation of being victorious. But King David doesn’t win every battle. We will soon read of his battle with lust that he loses in a big way (2 Samuel 11). And let’s not forget that just a few years earlier he was fighting for his life as he was chased down by Saul. He eventually became King, but it certainly wasn’t without grief and struggle.

This is what makes life so hard. We win some and we lose some. But some battles are so much more important than others. And what are we to do when we feel like we are losing such critical battles? The battles for–

Our country

Our churches

Our freedom

The hearts of our kids

Our marriages

We are losing some of these battles pretty soundly right now. Have you read the news lately?

But we know that we win the war. That is worth repeating: We are going to win this war between good and evil.

We can’t lose sight of this. No, God does not promise us that our kids will be saved or that our spouse will stick around. He doesn’t promise that our churches will preach sound doctrine or that our country will return to its Christian roots. But what we do know– without a shadow of a doubt– is that God will reign victorious in the end. Every knee will bow to the King and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord (Isaiah 45:23; Philippians 2:10-11).

When we consider this very important truth, we naturally come to the conclusion that the only thing that really matters is whether or not those around us are going to confess Jesus Christ as Lord before it’s too late.

So often, we worry so much about the outward stuff that indicates serious problems– the bad grades, the drug and alcohol abuse, the debt and materialism, the false doctrines, the laws, the liberalism. And we try to fix things. We try to fix our kids and spouses. We try to fix our churches and our government.

But is anything truly fixed without a changed heart? A child can change behavior without ever changing his heart. A government can make laws that are more compatible with our beliefs, but will that really solve our country’s problem?

I don’t think so. Because the reason we are having such deep, heart-breaking issues– both in our families and beyond– is that people believe in a lie. They have chosen to reject the Word of God and they believe the lies of the world. They believe these lies of the devil–

–That their purpose and fulfillment is what matters (which leads to self-centered, self-absorbed individuals only out for themselves)

–That their kids’ happiness reigns supreme (which leads to spoiled brats who think the world revolves around them and want the world but are not willing to work for it)

–They believe unity is more important than biblical integrity and that loves trumps holiness (which leads to a shallow, fake religion pretending to be Christianity)

–They believe that the Bible is just partly true. That it has errors. They believe that God just got the ball rolling and then put the creation of the world into the hands of some kind of evolutionary process (placing doubt on The Bible removes the foundation for true Christianity)

–They believe that you get to heaven for doing good things. That they simply need the good to outweigh the bad (this is a insidious and very old lie — that your righteous works will win your salvation)

–They believe that God would never want them to be unhappy (this leads our faith to become me-centered rather than centered on the almighty God of the universe)

–They believe that man is basically good and that sins are simply diseases and disorders (the sinfulness of man is a key component of true Christianity and cannot be overlooked without forfeiting biblical salvation completely)

–They believe that their happiness will be found here on this earth (but Jesus said “blessed are you when you are persecuted, for your reward will be in heaven”. See Matthew 5:11-12)

I challenge you to talk to someone that calls him or herself a “Christian” but doesn’t live like it. Somewhere in their thinking is a lie (or two or three) that they are believing.

It is impossible to fight the battle for someone’s soul if they are believing lies. We have to start at the beginning. And that beginning is the Word of God. For that is where we find the truth. This means that we need to know it and study it and understand it ourselves.

And so while we wait for The Win, let’s fight the battle for the truth–God’s Truth. Let’s fight for the hearts of our kids, for our marriages and families. Let’s fight for it in our churches and in our country. Do it sweetly and kindly and gently. But let’s never, ever forget that we are in a war.

And never forget– we win!

It’s About Love

Leave a Comment / May 4, 2015 May 28, 2020

I had an interesting conversation with my kids the other day.

“Your shirt’s a little low there, Mom,” said a daughter.

I self-consciously pulled it up and mumbled, “I know. This stupid shirt…”

Upon which my son said, “no worries, Mom, no one is looking at you, anyway.”

Uhhh, thanks.

But, hey, while it was a little hard on my ego, I also realized that it’s mostly true.

So why should I worry about modesty as an older woman?

Perhaps we should first answer the question of why all women–whether young or old–should worry about modesty at all?

I think there is a really good reason that God tells us to be modest (I Timothy 2:9). Let’s look at why that might be–

When most men get a glimpse of a breast or see thighs and bottom barely covered or covered by skin-tight pants, they are sexually aroused. This is how God created them.

I don’t know why He created them like this. I just know that He did.

Not only is this the way they were created, but then we read in Matthew 5:27-29 that to lust sexually is counted the same as committing adultery. We also know from the context of the passage that both of these things are considered serious sins. So this natural tendency that men have is something they must fight every day.

And over the past 50 years or so, this battle in their minds has become almost minute-by-minute combat which they can’t escape, often even in our churches!

We also know that God tells us in His Word that we are to love others (Matthew 22:39). If I would ask you what loving someone looks like, you would probably mention doing something special for them or being nice to them. And this is a part of love, for sure. But let’s leave the status quo definition of love behind for a moment.

Couldn’t we women also show love by keeping ourselves properly covered? Dressing modestly is truly an act of genuine love, encouragement, and protection for all men who see us, especially for our Christian brothers in the Lord.

For some reason I have not quite ever been able to understand, we Christian women have just seemed to completely forgotten that God calls us to modesty and that He does so for a reason– to protect us and to protect the hearts and minds of the men around us.

Our love for God and our obedience to His Word should be an even more important reason for us to obey Him in this area. And here is what I have found out– what we wear is just the first step in demonstrating modesty. The true heart of modesty is humility and grace. Think of it like this– when we dress immodestly we draw attention to ourselves. When we dress (and act) modestly, we are much more likely to draw people’s eyes towards Jesus instead of distracting them with our outward appearance.

Perhaps it is not you who dresses immodestly but you have allowed your daughter to dress in such a way. I never cease to be amazed at what Christian parents allow their daughters to wear. Parents who I know genuinely love the Lord and have a wonderful testimony, otherwise.

Inevitably, when you have this modesty question, some woman will loftily announce that she can’t be held responsible for a man’s mind and where it goes.

Yes, that is true. He has a responsibility to turn his eyes away. But how loving and kind it is to dress in such a way that men do not have to do that when they look at us!

So back to the original question– what if no one is looking at me, anyway? What does it really matter if my shirt is too low or my skirt too short?

This is a pretty relevant question, because as women head into mid-life, they sometimes grow a little panicky in all the life changes. And in a reaction to that panic can sometimes dress in ways that are slightly more immodest or not age appropriate. And, honestly, I can understand why. This time of a life is a really strange place to land as a woman, and everything feels topsy-turvy. But we still need to dress modestly.

Let’s go to Titus 2:3-5 to find out why–

the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— ⁴that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, ⁵to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

It would seem pretty clear from these verses that we have an obligation to dress modestly for the sake of the younger women around us. We need to be the example they are to follow. That is our responsibility as we grow older. We never get to stop caring. We always need to be intentional about what we wear.

Now, I admit dressing modestly can be extremely difficult for all of us women–whatever our age–for a number of reasons–

1) We won’t fit in with those around us. A really good example of this is if you are a young woman on the beach. If you aren’t wearing a bikini, you almost stand out like a sore thumb. You don’t quite fit in with the crowd. Which is actually exactly what we are supposed to do — not look like the world– but it can be a bit uncomfortable and we have to be willing to part from the crowd. And that is never fun.

2) We can’t find modest clothes to buy. I have found this one to be especially challenging. It seems that fashion has dictated that cleavage is in and modesty is out. It is downright difficult to find a shirt that doesn’t slink its way down in the course of the day or give a full view if you bend over. And let’s be honest– most of us don’t want to live in polos or turtlenecks. But should we be sacrificing our modesty for that cute shirt? I am especially challenged as I write this, because I am ashamed to admit that I have made some exceptions for some “cute” shirts.

Is there ever a reason that we can in good conscience be immodest? Like is it okay on your wedding day? Or at a beach where no one knows you?

Answer this question: Are there men there?

If there are men there, then the answer is always no. There is, however, one glorious exception– we can be as immodest as we want with our own husbands! No modesty is necessary in the bedroom!

This has got to be one of the most confusing times there has ever been to live out our Christianity. We are told conflicting opinions about almost every topic. Modesty is no exception. But let’s stop listening to the placating excuses for why we can dress the way we want and let’s start turning our eyes to God’s Word, where we not only find the clear command that we need to be modest, but also find out why.

If you are in the habit of wearing low shirts, short skirts and shorts, tight yoga pants, or immodest swimwear, may I challenge you to do your own study of God’s Word in this area of modesty? Let’s stop following the crowd and drawing attention to ourselves and, instead, turn our focus towards pleasing God in this area of our lives.

The View

Leave a Comment / April 27, 2015 April 27, 2015

Our house sits on the top of a hill. It sits down and back from the road, so the view from the first story isn’t anything spectacular, but the view from the second story of our home is a beautiful scene of rolling farmland and small town and distant mountain. Or it used to be.

We moved here almost 15 years ago. About 5 years ago a developer bought the land to the north on both sides of our country road. We were sad because we knew what was coming. And so we waited. And waited. And nothing happened. Until this winter.

First came the “For Sale” signs in front of an empty field. It wasn’t long before the field was full of beautiful homes. Town is encroaching.

We noticed shortly after the houses started going up that one, in particular, was going to block our view quite nicely–almost as if it was situated in order to do that.

Oh, I know that it wasn’t. Although, if I am honest, we are a bit disappointed to have this large gray object front and center when our eyes look in that direction.

But that’s life.

Things change constantly.

And what is one person’s dream– like a new house in the countryside– can bring another person disappointment. Life is just full of that kind of thing, isn’t it?

As I think about this situation it reminds me so much of the Christian life.

When we first come to know the Lord, we are full of excitement and hope because we so clearly understand the freedom and future that we have in Jesus Christ. And our view is amazing!

But then things start to block our view.

Busy days.

Unmet Expectations.

Disillusionment.

Illness.

Death of someone we love.

Demands of Children.

Jobs and Careers.

Disappointment.

Demands of others.

Elderly parents.

Discouragement.

And before we know it, we have lost sight of our view because there is so much other stuff in our way.

But here is what we know–

Just because we have a large object blocking our beautiful view doesn’t mean that the view isn’t still there.

Life gets busy and we push off our quiet time. Weeks go by and we don’t spend time in the Word. And then there are the days filled with deep pain and grief, and we don’t even feel like praying. We just can’t. There are days of just getting through and days of trying really hard.

And through it all, God doesn’t move. Our view of Him and His amazing grace remains the same, no matter what is blocking it.

Somehow I find this so comforting. It’s a solid foundation in the midst of craziness. It’s a beacon of light in the hurricane. Something firm to hold on to in the midst of our personal earthquakes.

Oh, our view may change, but the original view is still there, hiding behind the busyness and the frustrations and the unthinkable. Interestingly enough, if we step way back, whatever is blocking our view grows smaller and falls into perspective.

The glorious thing about our spiritual view is that, unlike the view from my house, we have the opportunity to clear our spiritual view by getting into God’s Word, asking God for perspective and to help us turn our eyes back upon Jesus.

It’s never too late to restore our spiritual view. Never.

How amazing is that?

Vengeance is Mine

Leave a Comment / April 16, 2015 April 16, 2015

Sometimes things happen. Sometimes we can control them and sometimes we can’t. I had a car accident a few years ago which led to someone being rather upset with me. The details are not necessary, but suffice it to say my few overtures to reach out and try to fix things were rejected.

And then came the early Sunday morning a few months ago when this woman and her son knocked on our door. He had destroyed a bit of our property while driving home that morning. They stood there nervous and scared.

My human nature –for a second– wanted to treat them like they had treated me when I had the accident that had damaged some of their property. But the love of Christ quickly took over and I recognized the opportunity to try to patch and repair our relationship with this family. We very intentionally chose to extend our compassion and forgiveness to this woman and her son.

I have not heard from them since. But wasn’t it so ironic that God gave me the opportunity to show this particular family that Christians are truly different? I don’t think this was an “accident” at all and I hope that we planted some seeds of love and forgiveness and maybe even a little curiosity about the things of God.

If you are still reading through the Bible with me, we are in midst of I Samuel, hearing stories of Saul’s constant cat-and-mouse game with David.

Saul’s jealousy (I Samuel 18:8) has driven him to seek out David with the intent to kill him for much of the last few chapters.

God places in David’s hands the opportunity to kill Saul not once but twice! (I Samuel 24:4; I Samuel 26:12) And yet, David never even contemplates doing this for a second, even when his men are encouraging him to do so.

Have you ever really thought about this? My little story above was a minor, easy one in which to extend forgiveness– no one was trying to kill me and it was about some paltry “stuff”. But David was being hunted with the intent to kill him. He was forced to live on the run in caves because of this man’s jealousy. His whole life had been uprooted by this vendetta of Saul’s. How easy it would have been to simply just end it. Right there in the cave. It seems like this would have been appropriate to do in the culture he was in.

And yet, he chose not to, but instead cut off a piece of robe or took some belongings of Saul’s to prove that he had been there. He wanted to use these items as a means to a truce with Saul. But it never really worked.

In fact, in I Samuel 27:1 David acknowledges in his heart that he will eventually perish at the hand of Saul if he stays where he is and chooses to escape Israel completely, with the intention of waiting on God’s timing for the entire situation.

Isn’t this extremely hard to do sometimes? Even if we don’t execute revenge on those who have humiliated or hurt us, we sure can concoct some schemes in our minds, can’t we? We imagine those who have hurt us being shamed and humiliated in the same way we have been. We often watch and we wonder why they continue to live in peace and prosperity when their hearts seem so wicked.

And, yet, really–we should leave this completely in the hands of God, should we not? In fact, God speaks to this very thing in Romans 12, verse 17-21:

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ¹⁹Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it^[i] to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” ²⁰To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” ²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

And this is how we really shine as believers, isn’t it? We can stand for truth, we can live generously, we can extend our efforts to aid the widow and the orphan, we can live our lives with discernment, eschewing wicked entertainment and living holy lives, but we really stand out when we love our enemies. Because this is beyond natural–in fact it is supernatural because it is only really possible to love our enemies through the working of the Holy Spirit in our hearts and lives.

Hurts abound. Family strife happens. Persecution occurs. Broken relationships haunt us.

But the command in scripture is clear–

We are to love and then let God take care of the rest.

Psalm 37 is such a great chapter to read if you happen to be struggling with this right now. In closing, I’d like to just share a small portion with you–

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret—it only causes harm.

For evildoers shall be cut off;
But those who wait on the Lord,
They shall inherit the earth.

In the Storm

Leave a Comment / April 6, 2015 April 6, 2015

I thought I knew what I was going to write today. And someday soon I will probably write it. But I can’t today. Today I am just too overwhelmed by the grief and sorrow of this world.

Sometimes we can forget about it.

Sometimes.

I enjoyed a wonderful Easter with my family. I feel so blessed. But over the course of the last week or two, several really painful situations have come to my attention. Some of the suffering people I know personally and others are Christian brothers and sisters in different states or even across the world. But they all have one thing in common–they are currently tasting the heart-wrenching, bitter reality of a fallen world.

It all seems so pointless.

And yet–

There is the cross.

I know so many think we Christians are just ridiculous. We are living in a dream world, grasping for comfort where none is to be found. Putting our hope in a man who was nothing more than a prophet, at best, or mentally unstable, at worst.

But you and I know differently, don’t we? Our eyes have been opened, our blinders removed, and we know that there is genuine forgiveness and blessed hope to be found in Jesus.

In our suffering moments, we cling tenaciously to this, trying desperately to keep hold.

And, thankfully, after our walk through that dark, dark tunnel of grief, we can often see the hand of God, working in our lives and growing us to be more like Jesus.

But this thought really doesn’t bring much comfort as we take our own journey through grief– I recognize that even as I write it.

It just helps all the blackness to not seem so pointless.

All of us have black moments. But some seem to have more than others, don’t they? Take, for instance, that first wife of Samson’s (Judges 14-15). Have you ever thought about just how tragic her life was? Just because an Israelite took a fancy to her. She is not alone. Many people seem to be born for tragedy. Like our brothers and sisters in other lands who are persecuted unmercifully for the cause of Christ.

I wish I had all the answers. I wish I knew how to comfort someone who is walking through such terrible darkness. And I wish I knew how to not feel so deeply.

But I keep going back to the same thing– HOPE is found in Jesus and what He did for us at the cross. True, genuine hope is only found there. Hope for now and hope for the future. Hope in the blackness.

How do people survive in this world without it? This is why some are willing to die for their faith. Because they recognize that true hope is only found there.

I was talking with my girls the other day about the hopelessness with which some of their co-workers live their lives. They talk about divorce before even getting married, figuring that the relationship will end sooner or later. They can’t imagine how my girls could trust their boyfriend and husband to remain faithful to them. Or how it is possible to have any fun in life at all without getting drunk and escaping reality as their source of entertainment.

What they don’t realize is the great hope that lies within my girls because of Jesus Christ. Only because of Christ.

Because on that day so long ago, He hung on a tree, bearing our sins, taking our sin and shame upon His shoulders, and then rose again –victorious over death!

True joy and peace can only be found in recognizing this, repenting of our sins, and submitting to this truth.

And, so, in this broken, fallen world, we can only point people to this hope. Other than that, we are truly hopeless and travel from one broken, cursed moment to the next, with a brief respite sometimes given in between where we simply try to forget. Forget that we will soon be mired in grief once again.

I’m sorry.

I’m not trying to be so depressing. But I just feel so sad and scattered in my thoughts. Trying to sort my way through the deep grief and questions I am feeling this morning. Trying to piece it all together with the gospel. And I keep coming to the same conclusion–

Our hope isn’t here.

It’s not in this world, or the things of this world. But, instead, rests fully in Jesus Christ and His promises to us, written in His Word.

Life is hard. Sometimes really hard. But we have a Savior. We have a Hope. Let’s cling, unwaveringly, to this as we are tossed about on the sea of life. It’s the only thing we have.