mother dreams – Page 5 – Growing 4 Life

Life with Almost Grown Birdies

2 Comments / September 12, 2013 September 12, 2013

We have a nest full of almost grown birdies in our home right now, with two young adult children almost ready to fly, a college student, and a 9th grader. While we enjoy their company and are glad to have them with us for right now, one of the greatest challenges we face is determining correct boundaries for these almost full-grown birdies.

I have seen parents that have completely eliminated rules and expectations after their kids have graduated high school. Usually this has not turned out very well.

I have also seen parents who have tried to micromanage the lives of their young adults. This, too, does not often turn out well.

But how do we find the balance in this area?

I have had a couple of different friends ask me about this recently. I thought I might take a few moments to let you know what we do in our home–not that this is the “perfect” formula– but we do have a good relationship with our young adult children (most days) and I thought I would share how we have managed to do that. (And don’t stop reading here if you have young children! The peace we enjoy now is because of some things we did when they were small, which I will talk about in this post, as well).

First, we have given them the control of their personal choices and decisions that are outside our home. They are now old enough to determine where they want to go, who they want to be with, and how to spend their money. It is important for them to experience the consequences of bad choices and the blessing of good choices. If we constantly monitor and rescue, they will experience neither.

Second, we continue to have good conversations and discussions about the things that matter– morals, standards, discernment, world view, budgets, time management. Our kids often ask us for advice and, while they don’t always follow it, they will generally give consideration to what we are saying. The only reason we can do the first thing is because of the second thing.

Third, we continue to hold standards and rules for our home that they must follow if they are going to live here. Some examples of this are, as a general rule, we do not allowed R-rated movies in our home, we do not allow music that is offensive to God to be played aloud, and we do not allow them to come in at all hours of the night. We ask them to be considerate of our preferences in these areas if they choose to live with us. However, we do make exceptions on occasion and, for example, as long as we know they are coming in at 2am and it isn’t happening every day, it is fine.

Fourth, we do not punish our twenty-somethings. We believe that the relationship has moved beyond that. We do not take their cars, their phones, their TV. I do not check up on their phones or their internet use. We can do this because we trust them. With that said, we do “fine” them on occasion!

Fifth: the couple thing. Both of our twenty-somethings are dating. When they first started dating as teenagers, we would really watch over them. We would not allow them in the basement or bedrooms alone and we kept a close eye on them when they were in our home –or driveway ;). It was our way of helping to protect them from themselves. But as they have grown older, we realize that their purity is a reflection of their relationship with God and that they are now accountable to Him, and we have relaxed in this area a bit. But again, we can do this because we trust them.

Sixth, we do require some simple chores to be done. For some reason, young adults feel that they “grow out” of chores, and yet the chores still remain and, in some cases, are enlarged, as the kids become adults. It is very important (in our opinion) to expect the young adult kids to help with chores around the house. It gives them some sense of what to expect in the future (although they truly do not really have a clue!) and also helps to lighten the loads of Mom and Dad a bit. A question some of you might have is what to do about rent. At this point, we do not charge our kids rent. I am still not really sure if this is in their best interest or not, but I see them saving their money and not spending it too unwisely so we feel that this is the best option to give them the best start in their lives. If we felt that they were wasting their money we would probably have to re-visit that.

What we are doing works for us. It works for us because of some really important things we did when our kids were younger. If you have younger kids, start this now, so that your young adults will be joys instead of headaches–

1. Listen. Listen. Listen. Kids of all ages have big questions. Listen to them and then find the answers. Yes, it takes work but it is worth it. Take the time for conversations of substance.

2. Teach your kids about the Lord. Take them to church. Help them hide His Word in their hearts. Make God the priority of your family instead of sports, education, or anything else. Enjoy all of these things, but don’t sacrifice God because of them.

3. Teach them to respect you as an authority, so that when it is time for God to be their final authority they have already developed a spirit of submission and obedience.

4. Make boundaries that are driven by scripture, not by man made traditions. Explain why the boundaries are there and don’t budge if you have scripture as your basis.

5. Be a person they can relate to. It is so important to be humble and admit mistakes. It is so important to be fun and to laugh with your kids. It is so important to show your fear, your sadness, and your joy with them. Only when they realize that you are a fallible human being, just like them, will they be able to open up their hearts to you.

6. Love unconditionally. Let your kids know that there is absolutely nothing they could do that would stop you from loving them.

7. Pray. Alot. I almost always end my parenting posts with this thought. I cannot express just how important I believe this is. Pray for their spiritual welfare. God wants them to know Him. We need to pray for the hearts of our children every day.

Whew. This post covered a lot. That wasn’t my original intention. Hope I didn’t overwhelm you!

Our kids are still growing up and are still making mistakes — kind of like their parents. And as I write this, I don’t want you to think we have it all together — because we so don’t. God’s grace has covered SO much. But if we give our best efforts and make choices with a desire to please Him, we have found that He meets us half-way (or is it a quarter of the way??) and takes it from there. God is good. When we choose to honor Him with our lives and with the way we raise our families, He will guide and sustain us.

Are there some exceptions to this pattern? I know there are and it must be heart-breaking. I do not point fingers of judgment at any who have lost children to the world. Young adults make their own choices. We, as parents, can only do so much. We need to keep loving and praying. Never stop loving and never stop praying. We can pray with confidence because we know that God wants our children to be saved.

May God bless you as you raise your children to love and serve Him!

Are You Pregnant?

2 Comments / August 29, 2013 May 20, 2016

Sometimes this American culture that we find ourselves in feels just a bit surreal to me. Yes, we are in a culture where celebrities gyrate in obscene ways on our TV screens and the general population, which includes more than a few Christians, feels comfortable watching it. Yes, we are in a culture where our college kids are thrown together into co-ed dorms to romp and play for four years (of course, I know there are moral kids in co-ed dorms who do not do this but just the fact that it is allowed is just so wrong). Yes, we are in a culture where college professors hold seminars on sexual activities I wouldn’t even dare write about here. And yes, we are in a culture that praises–maybe even worships–sexual freedom and touts abortion as the answer to any unwanted consequences of that freedom. The whole thing makes me just a little sick to my stomach.

How can this be?

But it is. So what now? How do we respond to this crazy, sexually saturated culture?

Well, for starters, we have to be different. And if we are, we will definitely be noticed, and oftentimes, not even believed.

I was reminded of this, once again, when I went to the doctor with one of my daughters. The doctor came in and asked all of the proverbial questions. Do you smoke? No. Do you drink? No Do you use illicit drugs? No. Are you pregnant? No.

Are you sure? Have you been tested?

My daughter looked at her, speechless, and then looked at me. I piped up. NO, she hasn’t had sex. She can’t be pregnant.

The doctor then stated very matter-of-factly that many young girls lie about this in front of their parents, which I am sure is very true. This type of conversation was not new to me. I have had it before with doctors and I am sure I will have it again.

“No, I am not interested in Gardisil for my daughter because she is not sexually active.”

“Well, I know that is what you would like to believe, but…”

“Actually, I trust her.”

Usually after this conversation–and I’ve had this same conversation with the same doctor three times–the doctor (whom we like very much) kind of sighs and moves on to the next topic. I know that he does not have the same faith in my daughters that I have. But then, he also does not have the same faith in the one and only true God that my daughters and I have, either. Of course he is skeptical.

Now, I know how easy it is for kids to make mistakes in this area of sex and it does happen. And if it would happen to one of my kids, I would continue to love and support them, anyway. But I also know that my kids have committed to remain pure before marriage. But if you say this to any health professional they look at you like you (and your kids) have two heads and then treat you as if you just lied to them. My kids also experience this in the work world. I am sure your young people have had the same experiences if they have stood for what is right in this area. Many are the Christian boys and girls who are ridiculed because they have chosen to wait to have sex until they are married, while their peers share their “fascinating” sexual experiences with one another.

Can I just go on record saying it is possible to wait for sex until you are married? I know because I have done it. I don’t say this in a self-righteous kind of way but in a To God Be the Glory kind of way. And, yes, I stayed pure 25 years ago but there are many who follow through on this commitment in this present, treacherous age–young people who love the Lord and each other more than they love themselves.

I would also like to go on record saying that I have never, ever been sorry for waiting. I have only one body to give and I have always been very thankful that I waited to give that body to the love of my life, my husband.

Why do we treat teenagers and twenty-somethings like they have impulses they cannot control? I just don’t get it. But I digress.

I can’t help but wonder if those boys and girls who stand against the strong tide of sexual impurity aren’t admired and envied for their perseverance? Oh, it will rarely be said, but deep down inside there are many who can only wish they had waited, while they pick up the broken pieces of their hearts and lives.

The point–the whole point– is that, as believers, we are called to be holy, which in its very essence, makes us very different from those around us. And this particular topic–the biblical view of sex– goes against the flow in this current culture big-time. As believers, we should stand for godly marriage, waiting for sex until marriage, modest dress, and sexual purity in the movies we watch, the books we read, and the music we listen to.

And while we work to remain pure ourselves, we need to encourage others on towards purity and continue to love even when there are mistakes. We won’t make any difference in the world at all if we stay in our own little worlds pointing fingers at everyone. This world needs to hear that the life God calls us to as believers is about love and grace and holiness and blessing.

This culture is absolutely sex-crazy. Unless you move to a remote cabin in the woods somewhere, you can’t escape it. It is a strange land we find ourselves in. But we need to keep our eyes on the Lord and show that there is a different–a better–way to live. We need to show that not only is it possible to be sexually pure, but it is a blessing! We don’t have to be like the world. In fact, it is quite imperative that we are not like the world. And when we stand strong in this area of sexual purity, we will shine like a brilliant lighthouse in the midst of a very stormy sea.

Subtle Changes

6 Comments / August 22, 2013 August 22, 2013

Yesterday was the first day of school. It wasn’t just any first day of school around here. It was the first year that A) only one of my four children is actually going to school and B) The child in school started high school.

The funny thing is that I remember calculating the years of school when my kids were little, counting on my fingers and figuring out the year each child would graduate from high school and realizing that our baby would be in high school for four years by herself. But, at that time, this time seemed miles away, like a distant mountain far off on the horizon. But even the furthest mountain is reached by walking one step at a time.

And those steps have been walked, the days have been lived, and the time is here. I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around this–as most moms do, I guess. As I was thinking about this yesterday, I started wondering–

When did I stop keeping wet wipes in the car?

When did I stop asking for a kids’ menu?

When did I stop arranging life around naps?

When did I stop tucking my kids in bed?

As is often the case, I don’t remember the last times I did any of these things. It was just a gradual shift until one day it wasn’t a part of my life anymore.

Sometimes life changes suddenly and we feel overwhelmed and shipwrecked, but more often life changes subtly and imperceptibly–until one day you realize that you no longer have to buy diapers or get up at night. You don’t have to pack lunches or kiss boo-boos anymore. You no longer have to carpool or spend a fortune at the grocery store or wait up at night for the last child to be in for the night (Actually I am still doing all of the things in the last sentence for now and I find myself quite thankful for them as I write this post! So much is in our perspective, isn’t it??)

My youngest daughter is a little sad that she is so far behind our other three kids, who are now out of high school and pursuing their futures. But me? Well, I’m not sad at all. The funny thing is that we had actually planned to have a smaller gap between those last two, but God thought His timing was better and she ended up coming a year later than we planned. How thankful I am that God saw fit to give her to us and to wisely time it so that this time of life would be just a little easier on me.

Life is changing…always changing. Sometimes we can’t wait for the change and then it changes and we realize just how much we didn’t really want it to change. My husband assures me that I will even miss this stage after it is over. I am sure he is right. As frustrating and full of adjustments as it is, I will probably miss it when it’s gone.

I’d like to say that I have been able to appreciate every moment of motherhood but I haven’t. And, being human, I can’t. But I have enjoyed and continue to enjoy precious moments with my children full of fun and laughter and good conversations. We have had lots of good times.

Perhaps one of the keys to contentment is to enjoy the good times that we are in right now and not to take the hard times too seriously. After all, when it is all over, we mostly remember the good times, don’t we?

I don’t have any serious spiritual lesson for today. Today I am just a mother, aching just a bit over the loss of her life as she has known it and seeing much more change up ahead, trying to figure what it all will mean for my life and how to deal with it.

Of course, it is not helping that my other “baby” is headed to college next week. *sigh* While I do find great joy in watching my kids discover God’s will for their lives, it is bittersweet. How well I remember those exciting days of growing up and finding my own life but I guess I never did realize what it must have meant for my own mother.

Who knew there would be so much emotion attached to this time of life?

For the Graduating Seniors

2 Comments / June 3, 2013 May 31, 2017

One more child graduated from high school on Saturday. Three down –only one to go. Where in the world has the time gone? As I sat listening to the commencement speaker address the group of gifted kids that made up my daughter’s senior class, my mind started to wander (no reflection on the speaker–just on my easily distracted mind). What would I say if I had the opportunity to address these kids? Trust me, I am under no grand illusion that anyone will ever ask me to speak to a group of graduating seniors but it did make me wonder: What would I say to a group of kids ready to embrace life as an adult?

In some ways, it feels like just yesterday that I was the one hugging my friends, saying good-bye to favorite teachers, and smiling for the camera. But it wasn’t yesterday, it was a lifetime ago. And it is amazing what one learns in a lifetime. And so here it is in a nutshell–my commencement address to anyone who is finishing up an education, whether it be high school or college–

1. Develop a deep love for the Word of God. Let it function as your guide and help for the many tough decisions you will be facing. Make it your moral compass. Many has been the time that my husband and I have said to each other that we don’t know what we would do without the Bible. It truly is a source of comfort, strength, and guidance—like a solid rock amidst the crazy sea of life.

2. Who you marry matters–A LOT. It will make or break your life. Make a decision right now to only marry someone who not only says they are a believer, but actually lives like they are one. You will spare yourself much, much heartache in the long run. I have seen so many young people make the wrong assumption that the person they marry will eventually be saved or they will change that bad habit, but, while it does happen on occasion, it is much more likely that you will end up in a very difficult marriage. Choose wisely!

3. Make every decision with the desire to please the Lord. Whether it be the smallest thing (what movie am I going to see tonight?) or the largest (what career should I choose?), seek the Lord’s will. Rather than trying to gratify your temporal desires now, live with an eternal perspective. I’d like to say this gets easier as you get older, and while in some aspects it does, as long as we are on a fallen earth, this is difficult to do.

4. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Life has enough big stuff to work through without making the small stuff so significant. This one I have certainly learned (or shall I say continue to learn) firsthand. I have the personality that can get very easily distraught over something very trivial. It has taken many years –and still I sometimes catch myself doing it– to relinquish the worry and frustration over the stuff that just doesn’t matter in life. But I have learned that life is so much sweeter if you don’t let the small stuff get to you.

5. Feed your mind well. If you spend your nights watching mindless television shows that mock all things Christian, you will never grow as a believer. Do not accept the mindless entertainment of this culture but, instead, think deeply, and then teach that to your children. Choose a church that will help you to grow in your knowledge of biblical doctrine and in the application of God’s Word. And remember–just because something has a Christian label, doesn’t mean it is Christian. Do you remember that verse about Satan coming as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14)? There are a lot of books, music, and other media that twist the truth just enough to be completely out of whack. Know the truth, so that you can spot the lies.

6. Whatever you do, do it well. Some of you know what path you are headed on and some of you are still trying to figure it out. As you choose to go a direction, sometimes God will close doors and make it clear He wants you somewhere else. But whatever job you happen to be in right now–wherever He leads you–do your work heartily, as unto the Lord and not to men (Colossians 3:23). This world desperately needs people with a good and honest work ethic. Be that kind of worker.

7. Feelings matter but the truth matters more. Be careful not to base your life on your feelings. This is especially hard in a culture where almost everything is based on feelings. You don’t feel like going to work? Just call in sick. You love that guy who doesn’t know the Lord? Just marry him. You don’t love that girl anymore? Just get divorced. You are depressed about having a baby? Just kill it. But God calls us to live righteously even when our feelings don’t agree. Your life will end up so much better –in the here and now and for eternity– if you follow this advice: Do what is right and don’t worry about your feelings.

8. Make people a priority. Material stuff is very enjoyable. I mean who doesn’t like a cool car or a new iPhone? But keep people more important than your stuff. Don’t get so wrapped up in texting or the world online that you miss the potential relationships right in front of you.

9. And, finally, stay humble enough to learn from those who have gone before you. Learning from the elderly is not “cool” in our culture. Youth, and all things young, are what it’s all about. But you will spare yourself much heartache if you take the time to ask godly men and women questions and then listen to their answers. Sure some of us older people can be downright irritating–we know it, too–but that is because we love you so much. Give us a break and don’t write us off completely because we have learned a lot and we would love to share it (at least most of us).

I know I will never have the opportunity to share this in front of a group of graduating seniors, but this is what I would say. I don’t mean any offense to the educational gurus out there, but let’s face it, by the time you are 35 or 40, no one cares where you went to school. In fact, they don’t even really care if you went to school. But they do see how you are living your life. Live a life dedicated to Jesus Christ and by doing so, go out and make a difference for Him. Live with conviction and integrity so that you will shine like a bright light in the midst of a very dark world. After all, that is what really matters.

Peer Pressure Isn’t Just for Teenagers

1 Comment / May 13, 2013 October 12, 2019

The boy actually smiled at me. I was a lowly sophomore and he was a popular senior and he was smiling–at me! I glowed from that smile and eventually we started saying “hi” whenever we saw one another. As prom time approached, I dreamed for a little while but then realistically tossed the idea from my mind. There was no way that he would ask me. Until he did. He actually invited me to go to prom with him.

Only I wasn’t allowed to go to school dances.

While all of my friends and my parents’ friends’ kids went to prom, I was not allowed to go.

Funny thing is — I didn’t really care that much. I didn’t know the boy at all and foresaw an awkward, uncomfortable night ahead of me. I was actually glad I wasn’t allowed to go.

But my point here is: had I begged, pleaded, and screamed I still would not have been allowed to go. Even though “everybody” else was allowed to, I wasn’t.

My parents cared more about my spiritual well-being than they cared about my popularity.

I don’t know if your kids go to school dances and that’s not the point here. I feel blessed to have my kids at a Christian school where we don’t have that issue to even deal with. But many has been the time over the past ten years that we have had to be the unpopular parents because our kids weren’t allowed to go the coolest movie (rated R) or buy the latest video game (way too violent).

Our kids have been mocked, ridiculed, and told that their parents are way too strict. We have been distanced and told that we take entertainment way too seriously and that we judge others (even if we don’t say a word — I think it’s just by our standards).

Peer pressure is not just for teenagers. But if we don’t learn to withstand it as a teenager, it will grow even harder as an adult. That is why it is so important to teach our kids to stick with their convictions and to stand strong, no matter the cost–and then to set that example with our own lives.

This can only come when they understand that pleasing God is more important than pleasing self. If we can teach them (and show them by our own lives) that we are accountable to God and to use His Word to discern the best choices, then the rest will fall into place.

But sometimes we fail as parents. Big-time. In those moments, I am so very thankful for God’s faithfulness and for the privilege of prayer.

What is most important to you? That your child pleases God or that he is the star of the team? That she hold to her convictions or that she is the most popular girl in school?

There is something about us parents that drives us to want our kids to be the ones that everyone else wants to be like. And in our quest for this, we sometimes fall to peer pressure, because in our hearts we realize they won’t be popular if they don’t go to that movie, go to that dance, go to that party.

And it is true. As a kid, I wasn’t all that popular because of my parents’ rules. But all of these years later, I am deeply, deeply grateful for their protection. Because in the scope of life, it matters more that I developed a life of biblical conviction than that I was popular.

As parents, it is our responsibility to protect our kids. Even if they don’t want the protection (and some won’t, especially young teenagers). But if you stick to your guns, it gets better. By the way, be sure to tell your kids why these rules are made. Teenagers need reasons. A rule without a reason almost always leads to rebellion. Take your child to scripture and tell them why you are taking a stand.

And then, after many battles, there comes that wonderful, wonderful day when your teenager comes home and tells you about their opportunity to challenge their friends and to take a stand for discernment…the lost virtue. Those moments make all of the grief so worth it.

Oh, my kids still make choices sometimes that do not please me. But then I remember that I did the same thing as a young person as I tried to sort my way through this filthy culture. That’s where prayer takes over.

So stand strong, my friend. Don’t cave. Loving and pleasing God is so much more important than experiencing the fickle love of man.

A Letter to My Children

2 Comments / May 12, 2013 June 11, 2013

Being a mother was the only dream I had as a little girl. Oh, I know many women who aspire to be doctors, lawyers, politicians, and peace-keepers. But me–well, the only thing I ever truly wanted was to marry a godly man and have four children. Why God saw fit to make my dreams come true I will never understand, but I will always be grateful. On this Mother’s Day, I can honestly say that my children are an amazing blessing to me. All the work, the tears, the anguish, the angry words, the worry…they have all been worth it. As I have grown older as a mother, I have been challenged in my opinions and my priorities. Nothing has grown me up in Christ more than raising children. And, so it is with these thoughts that I write the following to my children —

I don’t care what grades you get or what school awards you win, as long as I know you are trying your very hardest.

I don’t care where you live, as long as I know you are serving the Lord with everything you are.

I don’t care what career you choose, as long as you are working hard and are keeping God and your family your top priorities.

I don’t care what you study or what degree you pursue, as long as studying God’s Word is always most important.

I don’t care what you watch, listen to, or read, as long as you choose with a heart that wants to please God more than wants to please self.

I don’t care what the world thinks about you, as long as God is pleased with your life.

I don’t care who loves you, but only how you love others.

I don’t care what accolades, awards, and contests you win, but only that you are a graceful loser and a humble winner.

I don’t care if you marry someone short or tall, plain or good-looking, as long as your choice loves God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength.

I don’t care if my grandchildren are child prodigies, I only care that you teach them to love Jesus with all of their being.

Life is short and the choices we make mold the next generation. I pray that you would be bold and spiritually strong and that you hunger for holiness and righteousness. I pray that God would give you a hatred for sin and that you will be prepared to face the battles and dark days that surely lie ahead. You four are such an incredible blessing to me. I am not sure you will ever truly understand…until you have your own kids. Until then, know that you can’t do anything that would keep me from loving you. And I am in your corner –maybe not always saying what you want me to, but urging you to glorify God with your life and to use your talents and life for Him.

I love you all so much.

Love, Mom

I shared this post here–

The World of Unmet Expectations

4 Comments / April 29, 2013 April 18, 2015

This weekend I had the not-so-delightful opportunity to be on both sides of the expectation equation.

On one occasion, I fell woefully short of someone’s expectations of me. The feelings that arise in that situation — frustration, irritation–come rushing over me like a waterfall. I chafe a bit under expectations that I can’t possibly meet and grow quickly frustrated before eventually tossing the whole thing to the wind and trying to forget about it. But it does cause some blocks to be built in the dividing wall of a relationship.

And, then, I was on the other side, as well. I expected someone to do something and when they didn’t do it, those familiar emotions came whirling back into my heart and head. And again some block-building takes place.

Frustration and irritation and wall-building are all routine in the World of Unmet Expectations.

This world is fraught with other dangers, especially if it is a regular occurrence–

–breakdown of communication

–grudges

–anger

–vengeance

You see, we grow to expect certain things. We expect our kids to behave in a certain way, we expect our spouses to treat us in a certain way, we expect our family, friends, leaders, and pastors to do certain things. And the funny thing is–we all have very different opinions of what those expectations are.

Much of it is built during our childhood and what we saw in our homes and churches growing up. Some of it is built from the books we read and the movies we watch. And some of it is simply human nature.

But, wherever those expectations come from, they can cause serious chaos if we don’t make careful effort to keep them as a lower priority than the actual person we are expecting something from.

Let me give an example. Let’s say that I am expecting my child to do something and they choose not to do it. If I make my expectation more important than my child, then I will place myself at the center of the offense and yell and scream and altogether handle it badly. If I make my child more important than my expectation, then I will focus on what exactly needs to be fixed (if there was actually sin involved) and handle it calmly and rationally.

Many times expectations aren’t even sin issues, but simply two people who desire to do two different things.

I am sure you have heard the joke about the newlyweds who fight over the toothpaste tube. Should they roll it or just squeeze it? Or the toilet paper roll. Should it go over or under? That is all about expectations.

And in those situations, someone has to give. That has been a hard lesson for me over the years, one I continue to have to work on. When I have an agenda that includes someone else and they have a different idea, then I have to learn to release my expectations wholly and completely–no sarcastic or hurtful remarks, no sulking, no holding grudges.

When I can do that, my family and friends desire to spend time with me. If I can’t, then I become one of those people that they would prefer not to be around–because they can never make me happy.

Think about the last time you had an argument with someone. Was it over something serious or moral or was it just an unmet expectation of relative insignificance? Was it something that was worth standing on or something that was simply opinion?

We need to keep this in mind when the next situation crops its ugly head–which will probably be today, so let’s keep our eyes open, our hearts humble, and our minds ready!

Looking Back or Looking Forward?

4 Comments / April 15, 2013 April 15, 2013

Sometimes you hear just the right sermon at just the right time.

That’s exactly what happened yesterday. The pastor didn’t know that I needed to hear his message. But God did.

You see, I’ve been spending quite a bit of time recently looking in the rear view mirror. Unexcited about what’s ahead of me and mourning what is past, I didn’t really think much of it. Just figured that it’s part of this time in my life. I certainly didn’t think that I was disappointing my heavenly Father with my longing looks back to the past.

But yesterday I realized that I need to stop looking in the rear view mirror and place my focus on what’s ahead of me. Here are a few points that really hit me as to why this is so important, straight from this sermon–

1) While some review of history is helpful (we’ve all heard the quote “those who ignore history are destined to repeat it), we need to be so very careful that this focus doesn’t turn into an obsession with regret, revenge, or remembering the “good ole’ days”.

2) Looking in the rear view mirror always leads to a focus on self–looking at my reflection, looking at what I’ve accomplished, how I’ve been hurt, what I have lost, my failures, my successes–it’s all about me. But when I look forward, that all fades and I can embrace the future and place my focus on God and others–right where it belongs.

3) Success and failure are always history. We can’t let our past successes define us. We can’t let our past failures destroy us.

4) We are told to look straight ahead in the scriptures. I am not sure why I never noticed these verses before. Notice the words in bold:

PROVERBS 4:23-27

²³Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
²⁴Put away from you a deceitful mouth,
And put perverse lips far from you.
²⁵Let your eyes look straight ahead,
And your eyelids look right before you.
²⁶Ponder the path of your feet,
And let all your ways be established.
²⁷Do not turn to the right or the left;
Remove your foot from evil.

Let your eyes look straight ahead. Not behind you nor to the right or left. But in front of you. There it is–commanded right in scriptures.

Wow. Never noticed that before.

And so it is with humility that I realize that longing for the past is not only detrimental to me, but displeases my heavenly Father. Funny how you can be so blind to some things–and then one day, God opens your eyes.

I thank Him for showing me this. And now that my eyes have been opened, I have a responsibility to change my focus. It won’t happen instantly, but, thankfully, I know I don’t need to do it alone, but can be confident that the Holy Spirit will be with me, strengthening and guiding me.

Where is your focus today? Are you stuck in the past? In regret? Or thoughts of revenge? Or perhaps dwelling on past successes or failures? Let’s take our eyes off the rear view mirror this week and instead turn our eyes straight ahead towards our Savior and others.

My Compass in Uncharted Territory

2 Comments / February 25, 2013 February 25, 2013

After a busy, busy weekend, I was completely exhausted. I decided to turn on the TV. One of my favorite shows from the 90s was on. It was almost over, but I made myself comfortable and started to watch. I laughed at the family dynamics that are so part of any household.

One of the boys, on the cusp of teenager-hood, had done something really stupid. As the credits rolled, the parents joked about how their moms had wanted them to have kids just like them and now it had happened. It was funny and everyone was laughing.

But then the Dad said, “Seriously, what are we going to do?” He was wondering how they were going to handle this boy as he grew into an adult. The Mom put her arm around Dad and said, “Well, we just be the best parents we can be.”

I was immediately struck by what was missing. There was no God there. No power higher than themselves as they struggled through this journey of raising kids. They were relying on themselves alone. It made me feel empty….for them.

Oh, I know it was just a television show. But millions of parents around the world approach parenting this same way. They have no lifeline, no Helper, no power outside themselves.

I guess before seeing that little clip on TV, I had never thought about just how precious prayer is in the raising of our kids.

I mean I mess up–all the time. I am growing every day, but I still have such a long way to go. I can’t imagine approaching raising kids without a Heavenly Father to go to for comfort, for answers, and for grace.

Anything my kids are or will be is because of His grace.

We love our kids and we work so hard to raise them right. But, inevitably, we make mistakes and run into problems outside of our control.

But God is so faithful to answer prayer. Sometimes, it is not on our timetable. Sometimes, it hurts as we go through difficult days and nights of pain watching our kids make mistakes and paying the consequences of those mistakes. But we never stop praying for them and trusting God for their spiritual growth.

Because there is a Power outside of ourselves. The world will tell you that you are the power. That you can do anything, including raising your kids. You can do it alone and without help.

Well, I am here to tell you – even if that is true (and it’s not) – I wouldn’t want to.

How thankful I am that I don’t have to. I serve a God who cares about the smallest thing. I serve a God whom I can talk to when it looks like my child is moving away from Him. I serve a God who comforts me. I serve a God who is my compass when I am utterly and totally lost. My help comes from the Lord!

Psalm 33:20 Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield.

Psalm 60:11 Give us help from trouble, For the help of man is useless.

Psalm 121:1-2 I will lift up my eyes to the hills, from whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.

January Joy Challenge #2: Finding the Balance

4 Comments / January 14, 2013 June 23, 2013

Balance is very important in the life of a Christian, but most of us have a very, very difficult time finding it. You see, somehow we have to find the balance between —

Accepting where the Lord has placed us

and yet,

Continuing to learn and grow from the trials

And between–

Accepting and resting in the grace of God to cover all of our sins

and yet,

Striving to be more pure and holy with each passing day

And between–

Accepting the way God has made us

and yet,

Never giving up on improving ourselves

This is all especially personal to me, because about this time in life (speaking only for myself, you understand), I am not always accepting with much of anything (just being honest here). My kids are almost grown up and I find myself nearing the end of the only full-time job I ever wanted. I don’t look like I want to look. I often don’t act or react like I think I should. I am frustrated that I haven’t progressed more as a Christian. And, a few years ago, I started to realize that happy endings are mostly in movies. Thankfully, there are a few in real life, but even those take a ton of work. Mostly, you just do the best you can with what you are given.

And, look, I have a great life. I know I do. I am not complaining–not a bit. But, somehow, I have to figure out how to accept who and where I am–right now– without giving in to complacency and apathy. And that’s what is so hard. And that’s where joy comes in.

You see, if I can’t accept the circumstances in which God has placed me or in who God created me to be, then discontent will reign in my heart, pushing out joy (Romans 9:20; Psalm 139:14; Philippians 4:11). But if I am too accepting of myself or of my circumstances, then there is no desire to change for the better, also pushing out joy (Philippians 3:12; I Corinthians 9:24-27; Romans 12:1-2) . And, so, somehow we have to find the balance.

So how exactly do we do this? I confess I am not totally sure. But maybe we should start with this week’s challenge:

Take some time this week to do an inventory of yourself. Think about what you don’t like about yourself or circumstances. Are they things you can change or are they outside your control?

Prayerfully, give the things you can’t control to the Lord (you know–things like the scar on your face, your husband’s horrible boss, the wayward adult child). In fact, go a step further, and thank the Lord for these things, for they have probably led you to a deeper walk with the Lord.

And then, look at the things you don’t like that you can control (things like a huge amount of debt, laziness, bad temper, extra pounds) and develop a plan to start working on them, yielding them prayerfully to the Lord.

Of course, sometimes issues get lost in the big black hole between the can control and the can’t control –things like marriages and wayward teens. Okay then, if that is the case, we do what we can do and then submit the outcome to God, praying confidently for His will to be done. After all, we know it is His will that our marriages stay together and that our teens follow hard after Him.

This challenge is a little deeper this week and a little more work, too. But, I truly believe that until we can find the balance, we will either be stuck in the land of discontent or find ourselves in the fields of laziness and apathy. May we always be striving, instead, for the life of balance, which will lead us to deeper joy.