Real Life Stories – Page 27

Joy Challenge #4: An Important Question

Leave a Comment / January 28, 2013 January 28, 2013

Oh, my! What a morning! I had planned out awhile ago what the 4th Joy Challenge would be, but last night when I sat down to get started on this post, I was completely blank. I walked away from the computer, deciding to try afresh in the morning.

How gracious of God to make it happen right in His timing. Since I am only writing now and it is already almost noon, it is a little late according to my plan! But, as always, He knows best.

So, anyway, last night I had trouble falling asleep (for whatever reason) and so I slept straight through until 7am. I knew there was a possibility of a school delay this morning and so I looked out my window as soon as I woke up. Sure enough, the roads were snow-covered and I assumed the kids were going to be off or at least have a delay. But just to be sure, I called my husband, who had already been out for an hour or two salting parking lots. He is almost always aware of the school closings.

“They are on a two hour delay. I heard it on the radio.”

I gratefully sighed in relief and almost lay back down in my warm bed but then decided I’d better get up and write today’s blogpost. After all, I didn’t want to be late. I was just getting started, when my daughter came downstairs and told me that one of her friends said that the school didn’t have a delay. Now I was confused. Just about that time, I received a text from a friend I was meeting for breakfast who said she couldn’t meet today because the kids did have a delay. I told my daughter to just go back to bed, since her friend obviously didn’t know what he was talking about ;)

Over the course of the next several minutes I tried to get to the bottom of what was going on. Apparently, a local radio station had broadcasted in error the delay of our school district. When I figured it out, I called school to let them know we’d be late (and why) and then told the girls to get up and get ready.

It was a crazy morning. And it could have been very stressful. However, I learned a long time ago that things like this don’t really matter. Okay, if I am honest, I don’t always remember this. But this morning I did–perhaps because of what I knew I had to write when I got home!

Years ago, I remember reading a book called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. It was an interesting secular book, but lacked one key thing. While this book gave helpful reasons why not to “sweat the small stuff”, we Christians do not have to sweat the small stuff because of some very good, eternal reasons.

1. We are saved from the penalty of our sins by Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross. This salvation is not based on my works but on God’s grace alone.

2. We know that we will have a home with God in Heaven eternally.

3. We know the final ending of the story of the world.

It’s called having an eternal perspective. When’s the last time you thought about Heaven? I mean really thought about it — not with just a passing thought, but focused on what is to come for you and your saved loved ones? It is an amazing, incredible thought. Revelation 21 gives this amazing description of Heaven. And we are going to go there! At least we are, if we have been transformed by the saving grace of Jesus Christ alone. This is what God promises us in His word (John 14:1-3).

And so we know that we have been saved from the penalty of our sin and that we are going to live with Jesus in this awesome place called Heaven after we die. Can anything be too terrible when compared with that?

I am not trying to make light of trials, but somehow so many trials and frustrations pale when compared to this hope we have within us.

Somehow getting it wrong about the school delay this morning and having to drive my kids to school in the snow (which I really hate to drive in) doesn’t really matter.

If we can just ask ourselves: DOES THIS REALLY MATTER? We could really avoid a lot of stress and conflict, which would in turn increase our joy.

However, many times we lose sight of eternal perspective and down we slide on the slippery slope of complaints and criticism and worry and fear and stress. The fruit of a short-term perspective is rarely good.

So here’s our FINAL JOY CHALLENGE: Spend some time this week thinking about Heaven. Read Revelation 21 and John 14. And then, when you are faced with small frustrations this upcoming week — a bad cold, a potty training accident, a car that breaks down — ask yourself: DOES THIS REALLY MATTER IN THE SCOPE OF ETERNITY?

January Joy Challenge #3: The Obedience Connection

4 Comments / January 21, 2013 January 21, 2013

Last night, we were awakened by a loud and incessant sound around 4am. My husband jumped up to look out the window. Our son came over from his bedroom because he had heard it, too. The three of us went racing down the stairs to figure it out. When we opened the front door, we realized that there was a vehicle horn stuck on somewhere nearby. Now my mind started racing. Someone must have had an accident. My eyes tried to focus in the darkness to look for something out of the ordinary. My ears strained for the sound of human suffering. Nothing. Meanwhile, my husband had started running towards the noise. As he got closer, he realized that it was one of our old work trucks. Somehow (who will ever know how?!?) the horn had gotten frozen in the ON position. He hit it briefly and it released itself. He came running back in and we all went back to bed. But I couldn’t go back to sleep. How had that happened? And I confess my imagination started running in all different directions. After awhile, I found myself thinking on today’s blog post. Was there a connection between the horn and joy? And if so, what was it?

I started turning it over and over in my mind and realized yes, there was a connection. A big one.

You see, most of us have warning bells that we hear in our mind when we first choose to sin. Whether we choose to do something wrong or not to do something right, God has created our conscience to warn us. And our conscience is like that horn, loud and relentless…at first.

But after awhile– after we have continually been drowning ourselves in the world and its ways–we start being able to ignore it.

A good example of this is television. If we are in the habit of watching a lot of TV that is so good at glorifying all that God hates, we grow hardened to it. Instead of choosing to turn it off when we see something which we know goes against biblical principles, we trick ourselves into believing that it’s no big deal. Instead of running away from sin, we immerse ourselves in it. Each time we make that choice, our ears grow a little deafer to the horn of our conscience.

But this is just one example in a sea of thousands. Galatians 5:19-21 gives an example of the works of the flesh:

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness,²⁰idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, ²¹envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Look at that list a moment. How many on that list have we fooled ourselves into thinking are just a part of life? Statistics show us that “Christians” (I use quotes because I have my doubts that all those surveyed are actually saved) are having affairs and living together outside of marriage at almost the same rate as non-Christians. Many churches are failing because of contention and jealousy and heresies. Homes are sad places because of outbursts of wrath. Selfish ambitions lead mothers away from homes and young people to lives of indulgence and eventually hopelessness. But, instead of boldly pronouncing these things as sin, we make excuses. We make excuses for ourselves, for our children, and for our churches.

The thing is– we hear the horn when we first move in the wrong direction. But we become so used to ignoring it, that we start to think like the world. We actually start thinking that we are doing the right thing, responding the right way, saying the right words–even when we aren’t.

What is so ironic is that if we would just stop and examine our lives for a minute, we would realize that we don’t have an ounce of joy. Not one thing on the list in Galatians brings joy. In fact, I would propose that it does just the opposite. They bring strife and tremendous grief into our lives.

And then we cry, “Why me? I don’t deserve this!”

But, wait a minute. Maybe we do.

God is an amazing, personal God. When He wrote His Word, He included many commands for us there. He did not do this because He is cruel and hateful, but instead because He loves us so much. He knows, and has always known, the turmoil and chaos that is a guaranteed part of the human life when the sinful self is allowed to rule. And so, in His great goodness, He showed us a better way to live. He has made it so clear how we can have true joy. But most of us leave our Bibles on our shelves the whole week (we may dust it off on Sunday — although that is even becoming less and less frequent in this modern church age). We don’t know what the Bible says and we don’t really want to. Instead we turn our backs to God and go our own way, always wondering why we don’t have any joy.

So what’s the challenge for this week? Here it is: Pray and ask God to help you see what sin in your life may be causing you unnecessary heartache and strife. Ask your spouse, or someone else you trust to tell you the truth, for their opinion. And then throw out your pride and get to work.

This is no easy exercise, I know. However, the rewards of this will be great.

JOHN 15:10-11 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.

But true joy, happiness, satisfaction, and all other such feelings are by-products of knowing and obeying God’s truth.

~John MacArthur

My Way, Please

Leave a Comment / January 17, 2013 January 17, 2013

Last night, I was in the toddler nursery at church. During that hour, I enjoyed playing with three adorable toddlers–something I don’t often have the opportunity to do anymore.

At one point, two of them started fighting over a toy. The little girl’s brown eyes widened with indignation as the little boy headed towards her toy. She was quite talkative, and so she let him (and me) know that this was her toy and she didn’t want him playing with it. He was a little younger, but his big eyes said it all. He was determined to have that toy, as well. My daughter (working in there with me) told them to share and then we watched what would happen. There were a few moments of tension in that room, before she finally walked away and found a different toy.

Later on, the little boy was carrying around two horses and the little girl wanted one. When I asked him to share one of them, he looked down at them and then promptly put out his hand, offering the small red horse to the girl. She gratefully accepted and his face lit up with a smile, as he handed his other horse to my daughter, as if to say, “I like sharing!”

Why am I sharing with you these nursery stories? Because these stories don’t only happen in the nursery and they are related to joy.

Don’t we often stamp our feet and argue and debate and manipulate to get our own way? To keep our own “toy”? And, how do we feel afterwards–even if we were right? Joy and peace are not two words that come to mind. But, if we can be like the little boy, and release what we are holding on to so tightly, while it seems totally contradictory, joy and peace often come.

My point is this: joy is never found in self-seeking. We think we know what we want, but when we get it, most of us aren’t satisfied and want something more. We can create a path of destruction trying to get money and power. We can knock down others as we seek to fulfill ourselves. And yet, when we get to the top, will we experience peace and joy?

I think just a little bit of human observation answers that question in a hurry. True joy is never a result of getting our own way.

The funny thing is, we continually think it is, so many of us try so hard to get that car…or that friend…or that bracket of income. We think we will be satisfied if we just can have a big house, a leaner body, or that brand of clothing. And none of it brings any joy. Oh, it might make us happy for a little while but then we will start feeling empty again.

But joy isn’t related to our circumstances. John MacArthur gives this theology of joy (saying it better than I ever could!): True spiritual joy is not related to circumstances. It is a gift from God to those who believe the gospel of Christ being produced in them by the Holy Spirit because they receive and obey the Word of God mixed with trials and keep their focus on eternal glory.

I love that! Because it so clearly shows that joy does not lie in getting our own way! It isn’t until we yield our will to God’s that we can experience true joy. What a challenge for us in a culture obsessed with personal fulfillment and purpose. How ironic that we need to give up our own definition of personal fulfillment to actually experience being fulfilled in a better way that we could have ever imagined. Isn’t God so amazing?

Don’t forget to check out my 10 day devotional on Joy. You can get it free! See the details here.

But First: A Moment of Confession

6 Comments / January 2, 2013 January 2, 2013

Happy New Year! Are you ready to begin our January Joy Challenge? Resolutions like eating right and exercising are beneficial for our physical bodies, but Paul tells us in I Timothy 4:8 that, while bodily exercise profits us a little, godliness is profitable for all things. I can only assume that joy is a part of godliness, since it is listed in Galatians 5:22 as one of the fruits of the spirit. Therefore, joy is an important part of a godly Christian life.

Is that enough to convince you to join me in the January Joy Challenge?

Tomorrow I will give some details about how this is all going to work. But for today–well, I have a confession to make.

Before we get started officially, I have to be honest. When I came up with the idea last month of having a Joy Challenge for all of us for the month of January, I hadn’t given it an extended period of thought. I was just trying to think of a way to liven up the blog a bit and do something new.

Little did I know that the past two weeks would be so difficult for me emotionally. There were a few dynamics in my life that all came together at the same time and threw me onto a bit of a roller coaster ride (but I am not offering that as an excuse–simply an explanation). Suffice it to say, I have not been even slightly joyful. My poor family. I would wake up and think: today will be different. But then I’d fall right back into the pit of sadness and irritability. While I do occasionally get moody, I don’t think that would be the first word that comes to mind when describing me, so this extended state of negative emotions is quite unusual for me.

Several times I contemplated somehow working my way out of the Joy Challenge. But I couldn’t figure out how to back out gracefully. This hung over my head for the past week or so. I mean- honestly – how can you write about joy if you aren’t even slightly joyful?

I shared this with my mom and she gave me some very wise counsel: You can–in fact, you need–to write the truth, no matter what you feel like.

A moment of epiphany. Yes, of course, she’s right.

In fact, isn’t that what I’ve been doing all along? Writing about areas in which I myself need to change and become more like Christ? If only perfect people wrote blogs, there would be no blogs.

And so, my friends, it is with a very humble heart that I start up the January Joy Challenge. I have struggled in this area and am doing it for myself as much as for you.

I hope that you will join me.

P.S. I hope to have my new mini e-book Jumpstart to Joy ready for you in the next day or two. You can find out more details here. I will give a free copy to anyone who subscribes to the blog or who likes the Growing4Life page on Facebook. However, if you are already subscribed to my blog or a fan of the Facebook page, just let me know if you would like a copy. I will be happy to oblige :)

There is room in my heart for…me.

2 Comments / December 20, 2012 December 18, 2019

We were singing the Christmas song Thou Didst Leave Thy Throne in church. I got distracted and wasn’t paying attention to what I was singing. We got to the last line of the song and, instead of the beautiful line “there is room in my heart for Thee”, I sang “there is room in my heart for me.”

What did I just sing? I caught it immediately and grew disgusted with myself. What Christian would ever make such a terrible blunder while singing a song about God?

Well, I am here to tell you — I would. I did.

I sang those words and then, as we went on to the next verse and then the next song, I contemplated about how true those words actually are so many times.

I am ashamed to say that oftentimes there is only room in my heart for myself.

I get so focused on what I want that I forget to leave room in my heart for Jesus and what He wants.

For example, some days I wake up and immediately start thinking of everything that needs to be done that day. I don’t see how I can possibly make time for a quiet time that morning and so I don’t have one. Ironically, I usually do end up having time at the end of my day for a quick game on my ipad or to watch something on TV — something I want. I have room for me.

Or I am short with a family member because there is something I want to do. I know that I would please the Lord by being kind and loving towards them, but I am too busy making room for me at the moment, thank you very much, so they’d better just get out of my way.

Or I am at the store and I see something that I ~~need~~ want and I buy it, making room for me and my desires, before ever contemplating if this is necessary or wise. Leaving no room in my heart for God and what He wants.

Or…well, you get the idea. Think of all of the times that we spend focused on ourselves–oftentimes, so much so, that we squeeze out Jesus. There’s just so much of us that there is little room for Him.

But there is a problem.

There really is only room for one on the throne of our hearts. And we have a choice to make. Is it going to be me or is it going to be Him?

There are spiritual ramifications to even the smallest choice. Will this decision put Christ on the throne of my heart or will it put me on the throne of my heart? As we grow as a Christian, the throne room in our hearts should be filled more and more with Christ and less and less with self.

I want to sing the right words: “there is room in my heart for Thee.” And then I want to follow up my words with a life that matches.

Thy didst leave thy throne and thy kingly crown
When Thou camest to earth for me
But in Bethlehem’s home there was found no room
For Thy holy nativity
O come to my heart Lord Jesus
There is room in my heart for Thee

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Facing the Fear

4 Comments / December 17, 2012 December 18, 2012

As our congregation bowed in prayer, I found myself distracted by a sudden thought: where is the closest exit? I sighed with relief as I saw a door nearby through half-closed eyes and then went on to think about what I would do if a gunman entered the church. All while we were supposed to be focused on the Lord. I am not excusing myself, but after Friday, I doubt I am the only one finding myself thinking unfamiliar thoughts about murderers and escape routes. What a world we live in.

I never dreamed last week at this time that my heart could feel so heavy for people I have never even met. That I would be writing about death and murder and fear during the holiday season. It just feels…wrong. Jesus came into the world to save us and give us eternal life and, while murder is absolutely horrific any time of the year, it seems especially tragic at Christmastime.

We grieve for families we have never met. We hear the cries for gun control from the media. We see Facebook statuses that promote returning God to our schools. Everyone has an opinion.

But there is one thing I haven’t really heard much about: FEAR.

There have been multiple stories of shootings and assaults– Friday’s was the worst, by far, but there have been others. And, if I am not careful, I can start to become controlled by fear.

When something happens like what happened last Friday, we suddenly become aware that we are not in control of our lives. We could be violently shot down at any time. Life could end for us or our loved ones instantly. We start to fear for ourselves, even more for our children. And then the fear grows as we think about what the world will be like for our children and the worry and anxiety can start overtaking us if we aren’t very careful. Or maybe I should say “I”. I may be alone here. Not really sure.

So what do we do in the face of fear?

This has happened to me in the past and there are a couple of really helpful things I do that I thought I would pass along, just in case I am not alone.

1. I thank the Lord for what I currently enjoy. There is nothing like a tragedy to remind you of the fragility of life and the wonderful gifts we have been given in our spouses, our children, our parents, our siblings, and our friends. We need to thank the Lord everyday for these blessings. Somehow — I can’t explain it — fear lessens in a thankful heart.

2. I memorize God’s Word. When I went through a very fearful time many years ago, I turned to God’s Word and found many scriptures that speak to fear. I memorized a couple of them and when I would be filled with fear, I would start saying them to myself. It was very comforting and I still go to these verses today when I am struggling with fear.

3. I am very careful about what I watch and listen to. I am one who becomes very disturbed in my spirit if I hear all of the negative stuff going on. It will give me such a heavy heart. It is very difficult for me to see that someone’s life has been destroyed and then go about my business of the day. Because of this, I rarely watch any news at all. If something especially tragic happens, I usually will hear about it from someone or see it on Facebook. But I try to be very careful about how much news I feed myself, because that feeds the fear.

4. I discipline my mind. This is so much easier said than done, although, after many years of practice, I have become much better at it. I find in my life a tiny thought will become a gigantic worry if I am not very careful. And so I try to turn my mind away from dwelling on any thoughts of fear and worry. Although, I have to be honest, I am definitely being tested in this — as is obvious by my thought life in church yesterday!

5. Dwell on the Truth. God knows all. Nothing happens without His knowledge. Yes, the world’s going to get worse but His grace is sufficient. If we are truly saved, then we truly have nothing to fear. He will take care of us and our children. He will see us through. I have read missionary biographies attesting to this fact. I have talked to people going through the worst of circumstances and yet they see God’s faithfulness clearly. We are not alone and bereft. God has not left your heart or this country.

Fear won’t disappear in an instant. It will take time. And we will think we have it beat and then it will crop up again in the face of the next tragedy or accident or disease-stricken relative. It is a battle I fight on a regular basis. But we can’t give in to it. We are called to live in love, not in fear.

PSALMS 46:1-3

God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.

Ms. Kinect isn’t always right

2 Comments / December 13, 2012 December 13, 2012

Monday’s weather was terrible. It was foggy and damp and downright ugly. It was obvious that I wasn’t going to be able to get my normal walk in so I set up the Your Shape game on XBox Kinect. My knee has been hurting, but I figured I could modify any exercises as needed. I enthusiastically did a few warm up and cardio routines and then decided to go ahead with a 13 minute toning routine.

3…2…1…begin. Arm up higher. Bend lower. The directions came from a mysterious female voice on the TV (I will call her Ms. Kinect) who could see my every move. I could also see my every move and was trying to match it to the “personal trainer” moving beside me on the screen. If you haven’t experienced seeing yourself on Kinect you are missing out. Well, not really. But the technology is pretty incredible. You can actually see yourself on the screen of your TV. Do you remember the old Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie? If you do, then you will remember Mike TV who ended up shrinking to fit into the TV. Well, that’s what you look like on XBox Kinect. It really is pretty amazing. ANYWAY…

I started doing this toning routine. But it started hurting my knee (and it was a little too hard for me because I’m a bit out of shape, but we’ll just say my knee hurt…!) so I started making up my own modified versions of some of the exercises. I started moving my arms up when the TV trainer’s were down and moving my leg forward when the TV trainer’s leg was behind him. We weren’t in sync at all.

Imagine my surprise when I heard Ms. Kinect say “Bravo!” quite enthusiastically! She went on to say things like “Good Job!” and “Way to go!” all the while praising me for following my TV trainer so impressively.

It made me laugh because I wasn’t following the trainer at all! To her credit, she did catch my errors a few times.

Oh, my. It made me think. Like usual.

Just because someone says “Bravo!” doesn’t mean it’s true. We can always find someone to say what we want them to say.

If we want to get divorced, we will be able to find someone to say “Absolutely! You deserve to be happy!”

If we want to buy an expensive car or television on credit, we will be able to find someone who says “Yes, what a great idea!”

If we want to involve ourselves in the wrong entertainment, there is always someone saying, “Yes, let’s do it! Let’s go! It will be so much fun!”

So, it would seem to me we’d better seek wise counsel, instead of listening to just anyone. Proverbs contains many verses encouraging us to seek wise and righteous counsel. So how do we know if it’s wise counsel? Here are a few tips to help us–

1. First and foremost, does the counselor’s advice match up with the Word of God? If the counsel is full of just their own opinion without any scripture to back it up, how in the world can we know if it is worthy of following?

2. Is the person counseling us striving to live a holy, righteous life? If they aren’t, then it means they are not walking with God. Notice I didn’t say “perfect life”. It is not about being perfect, but about a desire to walk with God in holiness and purity. If someone is not trying to please God with their life, they will not know how to counsel wisely, because they don’t know Him at all.

3. Let’s be extra cautious if the counselor says exactly what we want them to. There are many people-pleasers who say something just so they will make us happy and no one will be mad at them. These people are not the ones we want to go to for wise counsel. Only those who will tell us the truth are worthy counselors. Only those brave enough to be honest can be trusted.

These are three things to be on the look-out for when seeking wise counsel for any problem, large or small.

By the way, when I use the term “counsel” I am not necessarily talking about professional counselors. We are all counselors, whether it be to our own kids or our friends or our co-workers. And so, let’s not only seek to find wise counsel, but also to give wise counsel.

This world is full of people-pleasers not willing to tell the truth. It’s full of “counselors” telling others to make themselves happy, no matter the cost.

But just because they are saying it, doesn’t mean it is true. When I heard Ms. Kinect’s words, it was easy. I knew that her words were false praise. I obviously wasn’t doing the right thing. It’s not always so easy in life. But we are called to be discerning and to have a heart ready to listen to wise counsel, whether we like the advice or not. Let’s keep our focus on God’s Word and listen to those who also make it a priority in their lives. And let’s be people who are qualified to give wise counsel– walking with God and willing to tell the truth.

Proverbs 1:5 A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel.

Proverbs 12:5 The thoughts of the righteous are right, But the counsels of the wicked are deceitful.

Proverbs 15:22 Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established.

Proverbs 19:20 Listen to counsel and receive instruction, That you may be wise in your latter days.

The Quest to Find the Perfect Jeans

6 Comments / December 10, 2012 December 10, 2012

Disclaimer: This post is for women only. While men may gladly read it, I have my doubts that any of them have ever had a difficult time finding a pair of jeans that fits!

________________

I think I was on my 100th pair of jeans (okay…I may be slightly exaggerating, but it certainly felt that way!) Most of the styles I liked weren’t available in my size. If they just happened to have my size, they didn’t fit. Once again, I despaired over the extra pounds hugging my body and berated myself for my lack of discipline. I gave up and dejectedly walked out of the store. I went home discouraged.

That evening I went online and ordered three or four pairs of jeans in my size and even a couple in a size bigger–just in case. I excitedly carried the box up to my room when it arrived. I had high hopes. Surely one of these would fit!

Imagine my discouragement when not one of them fit right. They were either too small or too large or gapped at the waist or were too baggy at the crotch. I threw them all back in the box to return to the store and decided to just give up my search.

I shared my dilemma with my mom and she suggested I try Target. She told me she likes their jeans. I hadn’t thought of them before. I figured what did I have to lose?

And, so, on Friday, when I had the opportunity to get to a Target, I made one last-ditch effort to find a pair of jeans. I found seven pairs that were in my size and took them back to the dressing room. I had little success with the first five pairs and they lay in disarray around me. I sighed heavily and resigned myself to another fruitless attempt of finding a pair of jeans.

I pulled on the sixth pair of jeans and buttoned them. I did a double-take. I stared at myself in the mirror. Not only did they fit, but I actually liked how they looked on my body. I was pleasantly surprised.

I left the dressing room with one pair of jeans to buy. I still felt discouraged about how I looked, but at least I had found one pair.

I heard yesterday that only 2% of women like their bodies the way they are. That means 98% of us don’t. I confess I am definitely one of the 98%. Why is it that so many of us are unhappy?

Well, of course, weight is a big issue for many of us. But there are other things that we pick out, too. Things like big feet or big noses. Hair that is too fine or too curly. Calves that are too thick or too thin. You see, we have fallen hook, line, and sinker for the world’s definition of beautiful. And I am right there with you.

We judge ourselves by the world’s standards, or shall I say Hollywood’s standards, and come up short. Very short.

But I am not going to sit here and write that we are all beautiful, as seems to be the typical message of the day. We aren’t all beautiful. Not really.

I would suggest we need to go a different direction. I think we, instead, need to stop worrying about if we are beautiful. Oh, we should take the greatest care possible to look nice and to be healthy. Don’t get me wrong. We are Christians and want to present ourselves as such. We are also stewards of our bodies and are responsible to take good care of them.

BUT it ends there. Our obsessive concern about how we look is not from God. It just isn’t. It is a self-absorbed, me-centered thing that distracts us from being the best Christians we can be.

When I was looking at myself in the mirror trying on jeans, I never gave one thought to what people would think of Christ if I bought these. I was thinking only of myself and how I looked. I wasn’t standing there thanking God for my body, but instead, I was complaining to myself. About myself. Under my breath, of course.

As I write this, I find myself being very convicted! I am so self-centered and focused on me. There is no better time for that to surface than when I am in a dressing room trying on clothes.

Some of us are gluttons for punishment and keep trying things on, hoping that we will eventually feel good about ourselves in something. Others of us totally avoid dressing rooms if at all possible. We don’t shop for ourselves. Ever.

But no one is going to look good in everything. We’re just not. But we think we should. We are focused on a standard that isn’t possible for most of us. We want to look a certain way, but that way takes time that we don’t have or requires us to grow longer legs or to have a different type of hair and so we find ourselves with a dilemma, don’t we? We can’t look that way. But we think we should.

Perhaps it is time to start thanking the Lord for how we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and then stop thinking about ourselves at all and go about the business of our Savior.

Instead of worrying about how people think we look, let’s worry about how they think we act, and speak. Let’s worry about if they think we love them.

Sometimes I get all mixed up and distracted and focus on things that aren’t important and forget the things that are important. My quest for jeans showed that to me so clearly. I was guilty of doing just that. I have some work to do. But at least I don’t have to visit another dressing room for awhile, since I did find that one, elusive pair of jeans!

When things disappear

13 Comments / December 6, 2012 November 9, 2014

My heart sank. The perfume I had used for so many years wasn’t on the shelf –in any form. I studied the display for anything, even body wash would be better than nothing. But, no, it wasn’t there. I hesitantly approached the clerk, hoping she’d say they were simply out of stock.

Of course, that wasn’t what she said.

“I’m sorry, but they have discontinued that scent.”

Of course, they have.

I am not a real “perfume” type of gal so it had taken me a long time to find just the right scent that both my husband and I liked. I spent the next half hour trying to find another one. With no luck, whatsoever.

I went back a different day a few weeks later and tried again. I settled for one (that I ended up taking back), tried another one (which I used for awhile, but just couldn’t get used to), and finally am using one that’s just okay. But it’s not the same.

Meanwhile, on my shelf are my half-finished bottles of my favorite scent. I am afraid to use them, because I don’t want to use the last drop.

But if I don’t use them, I will never use the last drop. Instead, they will start to get that funny, strong smell and become unusable.

OKAY, so who cares?

Well, when we were hunting for the Christmas tree, my mind became a bit nostalgic. It’s just not the same as when the kids were small. Now, they are so big and none of them really care all that much. We still all go together (for which I am very grateful), but the excitement of having Christmas with little ones has disappeared.

Now we have Christmas with young adults. And I have been quietly mourning, carefully keeping the last vestiges of childhood around the house. The only plan I ever had for my life was to be a mom. I enjoy it tremendously. But my “Mom” job description has been changing quite dramatically these last few years.

The other day, I decided it is finally time to get rid of some of the toys! So, I dragged my girls down to the basement and we started sorting. Oh, the memories that came flooding back. Going through bins of dolls and barbies and trucks and games and books. The picture books especially made me sad. I loved reading to my kids. No one in my house needs me to read to them anymore.

My mind went back to the perfume. I could keep it in a bottle forever or I could use it. Those were my only two choices.

My mind came back to the toys. I could keep them all here, lonely and unused in the basement or I could give them away so they would have a new home (memories of Toy Story 3 are coming back here– no wonder I cried at that movie!) Those are my two choices.

But no matter what I choose to do, the scent I loved is never coming back on the shelves. No matter what choice I make, my little kids are gone forever. And while I may never be able to find another scent that I love as much as that first one, the young adults that have replaced my little kids are amazing! I feel so honored to be the mother of these young people who love the Lord and desire to please Him with their lives.

We haven’t finished the toys yet, but I am going to be getting rid of quite a bit. Oh, I will keep a few for the grandchildren that hopefully will be along someday. But it is time to face the fact that my “small children” days are over and clear things out of here.

Meanwhile, I am going to choose to be grateful for right NOW. I have so much for which to be thankful –not only for the special and wonderful family memories I already have but also for the memories we are making right now. I am blessed.

How do we keep love from fading?

Leave a Comment / November 29, 2012 June 26, 2013

We met the man and his family while they were going through a personal tragedy. His wife had just had a miscarriage in the last couple of days and it was a rough time. They already had a couple of young children and seemed like a very nice Christian family with whom we could enjoy a friendship. Alas, circumstances often dictate who you truly get to know in life and so we were never able to develop a relationship with them.

Fast forward a couple of years.

Eric is giving an estimate to a lady who has a lot of time to talk. She tells him about the couple across the street who are going through a nasty divorce. Words like prostitution and pornography come up. Eric tries to be polite but he is really there to give an estimate. But the more she talks, the more he starts to suspect that he may know who this couple is.

When Eric arrived home we did a little investigating. Oh, how sad. The couple getting the nasty divorce is the couple we met a few years earlier. Our hearts ached for them. What in the world had happened?

This story is not a strange one to any of us. All too frequently, a husband or wife is trapped in sexual sin, marriages break up, and life changes drastically for the entire family.

But why? How does this happen?

I do not even begin to presume I have the answer to this. But I can think of a few ways to protect ourselves from being “that” couple. Of course, you are only one half of the equation, so that is what makes it tricky, isn’t it?? But, for what it’s worth, here are a few suggestions–

1. Get to know God by faithfully reading His Word, praying, and listening to godly {doctrinally-sound} men expound His word via church and podcast. How can we even know what pleases God if we don’t know His Word? Conviction can be conveniently bypassed if we aren’t in tune with God.

2. Talk, talk, and talk some more with your spouse. No secrets. Keep communicating even when it is really hard. And, trust me, it is really hard sometimes.

3. Forgive and move on. I know it sounds so basic, but it is so critical. Forgiveness holds the key to many of our relationships, quite honestly.

4. Protect your spouse. Don’t downgrade your spouse to your co-workers or on the sidelines of the soccer field. Sure he may be a jerk or she may be lazy, but that doesn’t give us the right to talk negatively about them. If you are really struggling, pick one or two godly counselors or friends who can encourage you to make biblical choices and keep your mouth shut around everyone else.

5. Be the same person at home as you are at church. Who are we really? You have heard it said that true character is who you are when no one is around. There is a lot of truth in that. Do you make the choice to do what’s right even when no one is looking? We need to be same person no matter where we are. By the way, this is key in keeping your children’s hearts, as well. No one respects a hypocrite.

6. Don’t be too proud to ask for help. Sometimes the problems are so big, you know that your marriage will not survive without some help. Be very careful to choose a godly counselor. I heard a story many years ago of a couple who went for Christian marriage counseling and a few sessions in they were told they should get a divorce. Come again? That is not Christian marriage counseling. Just because someone says they are a Christian counselor doesn’t mean they are. Get references and mission statements before entrusting your entire life in their hands.

7. And, last but not least, have fun together! Nothing is better for Eric and I than doing something fun and outside routine together. It is a great reminder of why we fell in love in the first place. I know how tough it is to make time for this. Our schedules are so busy with soccer games and piano lessons and homework and church commitments and work functions and…the list could go on and on. However, it is critical that we make this a priority. It helps us stay connected as married couples.

These are seven tips, but I am not so naive to think that it is that simple. I know that so many struggles and problems that arise in marriages stem back to childhood issues never resolved or affairs never discussed. There are many cases of abuse and pride and addictions. Christian marriages are facing an explosion of darts from the enemy. However, I do believe that if we could put these seven tips in place in our own marriages, we’d have a new beginning on a great marriage! And we know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it is God’s will for us to love each other and stay married ’til death do us part.

As much as it is up to us personally, let’s keep our marriages strong and healthy.

This is linked up here :)