Marriage

Niceness Doesn’t Always Equal Goodness

2 Comments / September 13, 2012

A few years ago, we had a young man stay in our home as part of a ministry team that was visiting our church. He was a kind, courteous, and handsome young man with a sense of humor to boot – just the kind of boy a mother dreams of for her daughter.  In fact, I joked around with my daughter about what a great catch he would be.

It wasn’t until a few months later that we started becoming aware of who this young man really was inside, where it counts.  We learned of his values, his entertainment choices, and his activities. And, several years later, we realized the depth of this grown-up boy’s sinful lifestyle (thank you, Facebook!)

You see, we can’t always tell a person’s true character by their niceness.  Although we do tend to do that, don’t we?  I find myself thinking that so-and-so is SO NICE, therefore they must be spiritually solid and strong.  And sometimes that would be true. But it isn’t always true.

Facebook is a wonderful tool to use to help us discern if someone loves the Lord more than anything else.  I can’t tell you the amount of times I have met someone who is incredibly nice in how they treat others, but when I see their facebook page I see ungodly pictures and language and choices on their info page and on their wall and I realize that their heart is far from God and is instead solidly entrenched in the activities of the world.

We can be as nice as nice can be, but that doesn’t make up for worldliness, or selfishness, or immodesty. Of course, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes – even on Facebook.  But we need to be discerning, especially when we are praying for spouses for our children.

As parents, let’s be careful not to make niceness a priority over spiritual health. Yes, our child’s choice should be nice – but the niceness should be an outflow of the potential mate’s choice to love and follow God with all of his/her heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30).

Choosing a spouse will be the second biggest decision our children will ever make (the first is to choose to follow or reject Jesus).  We need to be there to give wise counsel and guidance, helping them to discern if the niceness is indicative of a transformed life or simply a personality trait.

24 Years

6 Comments / August 20, 2012

24 Years ago, I sat on my parents’ porch in the early morning hours, wondering if I knew what in the world I was doing.  A few hours later I was wearing a beautiful white dress and walking down the aisle to marry the love of my life.  We were two kids in love, ready for adventure!  24 years ago, we were quite clueless as to what the word “marriage” really meant.

We are no longer clueless.

For 24 years I have looked at the same face when I have gone to sleep.  For 24 years, I have seen the same face come home at night.  We have had 24 years of rejoicing, fighting, laughing, and arguing with the same person. 24 years of changes and more changes. Changing houses, changing cars, changing employees, changing churches. For almost 22 of those years, we have had children in our home and have prayed, cried, and cheered as they grow into adulthood.  For 24 years we have run a business together, sometimes disagreeing about how to spend money, who to hire, and how many hours to work.  24 years of making tough decisions and hard choices — but always discussing them together.  For 24 years, he has tried to love me and I have tried  to submit to his loving leadership.  Both of us have failed often in our biblical roles, but we dust ourselves off and continue to try. 24 years of talking about our feelings, talking about our problems, sharing our hearts, being careful not to leave any grievances fester for too long. Some of those years have been tougher than others. We don’t always agree. Although, ironically enough, the older we get the less we argue.  For some funny reason, we are becoming more alike as we age. For 24 years we have found marvelous friendship in each other.  24 years of love and passion with just one person. 24 years of completely trusting one another in the vows made so long ago. For 24 years, we knew that neither of us was going anywhere, no matter how bad it got.  Sure, sometimes, one of us would angrily cry out “I guess I’ll just leave!” but we both knew it would never happen. Not in a million years. For 24 years we have watched each other grow older and fatter and, yet, it has not diminished our love for each other. In fact, if anything, we love each other more. We are so far from perfect and yet, somehow, we love, forgive, and grow closer.

How can this be?  It is the marvelous mystery of marriage. What a wonderful gift from our Creator!

Tomorrow, I may, once again, feel really frustrated about something my husband does or says. But for today, I feel tremendously blessed.

Trading for the Trivial

Leave a Comment / August 9, 2012

Do you remember Esau?  Yes, the guy in the Bible.  He was the older twin brother of Jacob.  One day he came in from the field weary and hungry.  His brother was in the midst of making a delicious red stew.  When Esau asked for some, Jacob saw his opportunity.  He told him that he would give him some stew in exchange for his birthright. In those days, this was a big deal.  The older son was much more privileged than the younger son and by trading his birthright for a bowl of stew, he was giving up his inheritance. You can read this story for yourself in Genesis 25.

I have always thought of Esau as very foolish!  What man in his right mind would exchange something so important for a bowl of food?  And then it hit me.  I do that almost everyday.  I am in the habit of regularly exchanging self-control and a healthy body for a bowl of ice cream or a serving of french fries.  When I think about it like this, I realize that I am not all that different than Esau.

We also do the same thing when we trade:

–our financial well-being for a car we can’t afford

–our spiritual well-being for 2 hours of ungodly entertainment

–a healthy marriage for a moment of griping and complaining about something trivial

–our children’s well-being for the temporary moment of peace that comes when we don’t discipline them

–our Christian testimony for a glass of beer or an hour at the gambling table

–our integrity for a few bucks on a tax form

–a healthy body for an hour of laziness and tv-watching

Most of us are trading what is most important for what is trivial almost every day.  We wile away our entire lives on the unimportant, never realizing the great sacrifices we are making to do so.

Quite frankly, I can’t even relate to what Esau did because it is not part of our culture.  We couldn’t trade a birthright in our culture, even if we tried.  And so this story has always remained rather an enigma to me.  And, then the other day, as I was reading it once again, it was made so clear to me.  I can see how I am just like an American style Esau.  Trading what is most important to me almost every day for something really stupid.

Some of the things I am trading aren’t even sinful in and of themselves.  A bowl of ice cream or an order of fries isn’t sinful.  Buying a new car isn’t sinful.  But it is the attitude.  It is the habit.  It is the lack of self-control.  It is the desire of self-gratification over the desire for doing what is right.

I don’t know about you, but I will never read that story in the Bible the same way again.

 

 

Lust and Love

6 Comments / July 30, 2012
In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. I Timothy 2:9-10

“If you’re an adult male, you cannot deny the power of a flash of flesh to draw your attention. A too-short skirt. A hint of cleavage. It’s really an incredible force of nature. Most women understand that a revealing outfit brings a certain amount of attraction from males, but they have no idea how much power they really have. Every man reading this is well aware of that power.” **

As I came upon this paragraph, I realized exactly why it is so important for women to dress modestly and, just as importantly, why it is so critical for Dads to share this information with their daughters.

I have given God many excuses as to why I can’t write on this particular topic – I will offend – I will be viewed as legalistic – Some of my friends and their daughters dress inappropriately – My three daughters and I are guilty of immodesty ourselves, at times.  Please, no, God, don’t ask me to write on this topic.  But He would not let me go, so here is the post I have been dreading to write for at least a year.

As usual, this summer has brought skirts and shorts that are too short, shirts that give way more than just a hint of cleavage, and bikinis that leave very little to the imagination.  I think the saddest thing of all is that there there is very little – if any- difference between Christian and non-Christian women when it comes to how we dress.  I see facebook pictures of Christian young women displaying their almost naked bodies.   We can find half-exposed breasts and long, sexy legs in church services and at weddings.  And, even more surprisingly, no one seems to be sounding the alarm that this isn’t appropriate.

I wonder if so many of us women do not truly realize what our immodest dress does to the men around us?  Do we realize that we are tempting them to lust by not properly covering ourselves?  I submit to you that this is not showing love to our fellow Christian brothers, but instead throwing temptation in their faces and just expecting them to deal with it.

And  I would like to especially challenge Fathers of teen-aged girls. You, of all people, know what goes through the mind of a male who sees an improperly clothed woman.  Why do you let your teen-aged girls go out half-dressed?  Sure, if you ask them to change they may get mad and stomp off but many years later they will thank you from the bottom of their hearts.  Parenting is tough, but we can’t give in.  We need to protect our girls, their reputations, and the hearts and minds of the young men in their company.  Many are the conversations my husband has had with our three girls – asking them to change – telling them why – never giving up on protecting them and the young men in their company.  I feel so incredibly blessed to have a husband who is honest with them about this difficult topic.

Some men will say they are not tempted by immodestly dressed women.  And maybe the culture is so inundated and flooded with sexual messages that it is true.  But I doubt it.  I would guess that they are not telling the truth.  I watch men turn their heads and pay attention.  I know the constant attention given by the men in my life to turn away, trying not to turn back for a second glance, because of where their thoughts will go.

Ladies, do we really want to be guilty of this?  Do we want to be the cause of a man’s lust because we didn’t dress modestly?  And exactly how is that showing the love of Christ to those around us?  How is this type of dress bringing glory to Jesus Christ, the one who died to save us?  God commands us to be modest and I believe that one of the main reasons for that command is to protect our dear Christian brothers and the wives (our sisters in Christ) that are married to them.

I know that a few of you will agree with me as you read this post;  a couple more may give what I have written here some thought; but my fear is that most of you will think I am off of my rocker for even bringing this up.  In all circles of my life I find little consideration is given to this subject.  No one seems to care anymore. But perhaps it would be good for all of us to humbly ask God if our attitude about how we dress is the attitude He would want us to have. Even I, as I write this, find myself thinking about a few things I need to get rid of in my closet.

You see, this isn’t about rules – Thou Shalt Not wear such and such.  This is about an attitude of submission to God and love for our fellow man.  As Christian women, we are called to express our Christian love by keeping ourselves properly covered.  As parents, we have the responsibility to teach this important principle to our girls.  Are we inciting lust or showing love by how we dress?  It is certainly something to think about.

 

** Excerpt taken from 52 Things Wives Need From Their Husbands by Jay Payleitner

Wise Words #4: He Is With You

Leave a Comment / July 11, 2012

One of the songs that has meant so much to me during some very difficult times has been this song by Mandisa, entitled “He Is With You”.  I remember being in tears by the end of hearing it the first time.  God used this song to remind me that He is always with me.  Even when I feel lonely or frightened or hopeless, I am not alone.  God is with me always.  How blessed we are to have a supernatural source of comfort and strength if we are one of His children.  May we never forget it.  I have attached a link to listen to the song on YouTube after the lyrics.  It’s a great video, so I hope you take a moment to watch it.

There’s a time to live
And a time to die
There’s a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There’s a time for war
And a time for peace
There’s a hand to hold
In the worst of these
In the worst of these

Chorus:
He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can’t even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn’t kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby’s gone
And your house is still and your heart’s a stone
Cryin’ God, what’d you do that for?
He is with you

There’s a time for yes
And a time for no
There’s a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There’s a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this

Chorus:
He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don’t know you anymore
And he is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don’t know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you

We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light

Chorus:
He is with you when your kids are grown
When there’s too much space and you feel alone
And you’re worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you’ve given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you

When nothing else is left
And you take your final breath
He is with you

Watch on YouTube:  He is With You by Mandisa

Drifting…

2 Comments / July 23, 2014

We were enjoying a day at Assateague Island.  It is a beautiful, family-oriented beach complete with wild ponies, although we didn’t see any that particular day.  We trudged through the sand, looking for a good place to set up.  We found one fairly close to the lifeguard, which made us all feel a bit safer, as the surf was in fine form that day.  It didn’t take long for the kids to grab their boogie boards and start riding waves.  I took my sand chair down to the water’s edge and set up for one of my favorite activities at the beach: people-watching.

Now, if you are a mom you have the art of  “ocean scanning” down to a science.  Scanning and counting…scanning and counting…over and over again.  There’s one…two…there’s kid three…and (sigh of relief) the fourth.  I count over and over,  making sure they are all safe several times each hour.  This started when they were small and even though two are now classified as adults officially, the “mom instinct” doesn’t quit and I am still counting to four several times each hour when we are all together.

This particular day, I got distracted in my people-watching and hadn’t “counted”  for awhile.  When I finally looked up to start scanning once again, I didn’t see anyone familiar in front of me.  My eyes strayed further down the beach and there I spotted our group, several hundred yards away from where they had started.  They had drifted, unknowingly, down the beach, away from the lifeguard.

This is such a great picture to what happens to us in life if we aren’t careful.  It may be in our marriage, where small selfish decisions become larger and more frequent until we find that we have drifted into indifference.  Or perhaps it is our listening and watching habits, where a lack of discernment finds us drifting further and further into the cesspool of what is the American entertainment industry.  Or it may be the lure of materialism, where we find ourselves buying “one more thing” and trying to convince ourselves that we will be content, only to find ourselves drifting further and further away from contentment.  Drifting is how affairs get started, how relationships break down, and often why our kids walk away from the Lord.  We think this one time…this one thing…this won’t hurt.  But the next time, it’s so much easier to rationalize once again.  And it gets easier and easier. Drifting is a dangerous business.

The only way to keep from drifting is to never let our guards down.  Ever.  We are to be a watchman for our own lives and for our children. Yes, it is exhausting.  It is hard work.  And it is time-consuming.  But if we are true believers and desire to obey God’s Word, it is required.  Too easily, we humans drift into bad habits and dangerous places.  Before we know it, we drift away from the lifeguard and the safe place He has provided for those who live in obedience and we move into dangerous territory filled with sharp rocks, giant waves, and dangerous undercurrents.   We rarely come away unscathed when we drift away from safety.

Drifting is a natural occurrence.  It is only through knowing and obeying God’s word that we can we keep from drifting.  It is only through diligent and purposeful examination of each choice we make that we can stay in the vicinity of our Lifeguard.  Perhaps we should all examine how close we are to the Lifeguard this day and if we find ourselves far down the beach, may we ask the Lord humbly and sincerely to carry us back to safety.

Hebrews 2:1 Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.

I Corinthians 16:13 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.

Java Joe’s and the Death of a Dream

2 Comments / March 19, 2017

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There is an old brick house we pass each year on the way to the beach. One year I saw that this house had become Java Joe’s, an adorable little coffee house. It looked like a great place to enjoy a cup of coffee with a friend and I wished I live closer. But then I noticed a year or two later that Java Joe’s looked deserted. I wondered why it looked closed on a weekday. It seemed so odd. And then last week, on our way to the beach, we passed it again and saw that the building is for sale. Sadly, I realized that the cute little coffee shop is no longer in existence.

My thoughts turned towards the owner who first dreamed of opening a coffee shop someday. I imagined how he must have found the proper piece of real estate to make his dream come true. He probably excitedly prepared plans to turn the old house into a coffee shop and was filled with anticipation as opening day approached. I wondered if the first few months were all he hoped or if it seemed destined for failure from the beginning? This owner had a dream and he went for it! But the dream died the day Java Joe’s closed permanently. Perhaps the owner moved on to bigger and better dreams or maybe he gave up and still bares the scars of his dead dream. I don’t really have any way of knowing.

But I guess all of us have had to say good-bye to dreams at one time or another. They are hard, hard moments. Perhaps it is a wayward child entrapped in a life of abuse. Or a failed business that we poured our heart and soul into. Maybe we have never found Mr. or Miss Right and we have had to say good-bye to our dreams of  marriage and family. For some of us, our children will never know their grandparents due to an untimely death. For others of us, we are finding it impossible to have a family at all because of infertility issues or the children we do have are handicapped in some way and their future isn’t what we longed for for our child. Perhaps we suffer with a chronic illness and have had to realize we can’t do what we had always dreamed of.  And many have said good-bye to their fairy tale dreams of the perfect marriage while they flounder in the real world of being married to a sinner. So many dream deaths. So many tears. So much sadness. If you have lived on this fallen earth then you have had to say goodbye to a dream.

How do we handle the death of our dreams–especially the ones that we hold so near and dear to our heart? Oftentimes, the disappointment and lingering ramifications are invisible to others, making it even harder to work through it all. Most of us don’t share our deepest innermost feelings with the world and so we bare the pain and grief all alone. We are filled with a desire to shout out–

I am in mourning here! Why don’t you care?!?

But the world just keeps going on, business as usual. It doesn’t care. No one cares.

That is the lie we tell ourselves.

But is it true?

Eventually, if we are believers, we understand that it’s not true. That the God of the universe loves and cares for us (Psalm 55:22; I Peter 5:7). We remember that He is Sovereign and All-Powerful. We submit to His will and we make a purposeful choice to have a good attitude, asking Jesus to shine brightly through us, even through life’s disappointments. We choose to grow stronger, instead of bitter, when we have to say farewell to a precious dream.

Is it easy? Absolutely not.

Is it instant? No way. 

But it is possible.

It is all a process of submission and leaning on the Lord for strength. We seldom remain unchanged when working through the death of a dream. The question to ask ourselves is this:

Will I become more like Christ or will I cave in to my bitter, hopeless feelings?

Paul tells us that all is loss, when compared to knowing Christ. I can’t honestly say that I feel that way all of the time but my goal is to grow to that place where I can say along with Paul:

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ (Philippians 3:8).

And so we remember, once again, that we are a tiny speck on the timeline of the universe. Smaller than a speck of dust. And we remember that God is God. He can see the whole timeline. And so we move forward, knowing that God is with us–even through the death of our dreams.

 

Choosing our path…and then living with our choice

2 Comments / February 2, 2016

The other day I was taking a walk on a beautiful day.  As I listened to my head phones, my dog was excitedly exploring from the end of her leash.   It didn’t take me long to realize that my athletic sandals were not the thing to wear on a path filled with little stones.  I would walk a few feet and a little stone would fly into my shoe, right under my heel.  I would try to walk a bit, then I would sigh and stop to remove it.  This played itself out several times over the course of my walk.  The walk wasn’t as delightful as it could have been because of the shoes I had worn on the path of my choice.   How could I have kept this from happening?  It is quite  simple : I could have chosen a) to walk a different path or b) to wear different shoes.

I think this may be something like marriage.  To begin with, some of us get on a path we really shouldn’t be on. We choose to marry a person who isn’t a Christian.   Oh, we may have thought they were a believer, but it turns out, they aren’t so sold out for Jesus, after all.  We all have the opportunity to inspect our future path.  If I marry this person, what will my life’s path look like?  Will it be smooth, with just occasionally stony areas?  Or will the whole terrain be filled with huge rocks that will feel impossible to get around?  How do we know, you ask?  Our pastor recently gave us four basic things to look for in a potential spouse.

1.  The person needs to be saved.  This isn’t just with their lips, but showing forth in their life’s choices, as well. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

2. The person needs to be spiritual. They should thirst for God’s Word and think on spiritual things.  (Proverbs 12:7)

3. The person should show biblical love.  Biblical love is selfless, kind, and forgiving.  It is not self-seeking or rude.  A good test to know if your future mate practices biblical love is to watch how they treat their parents or the waitress in a restaurant. (I Corinthians 13)

4. The person should show godly character.  Lying, cheating, anger, greediness, drinking, laziness, nagging, immodesty, immorality are all red flags showing there will be some pretty big rocks ahead of you. On the other hand, self-control, joy, kindness, and generosity signal good things ahead.  And just a note here…of course, no one is perfect.  What if you find a great guy or girl that struggles with a sin issue like anger or laziness–does that totally discount them?  Not necessarily.  But ask these questions:  Do they want to change?  Do they admit that it is sin?  Are they teachable?   And we do need to realize that there will be stones in our path ahead because of these character issues. (Titus 2:1-8 and Galatians 5:16-23)

So this is all well and good for those of you who haven’t gotten married yet.  But what about those of us who chose our path long ago?  It is too late for us to take all of this into consideration now.   We have committed to this path and the Bible tells us to stay on it (which is quite opposed to what our culture tells us, by the way).  So if we find ourselves already on a path that is a bit stony, it is time to take a look at our footwear.

Just like wearing the appropriate footwear can keep us protected on a stony path in real life, so we can be appropriately attired for our rocky marriage path.  Here are a few ways that will clothe us properly and help our marriages, no matter what kind of path we find ourselves on:

1) Dedicate some time to our inward beauty.  Many of us do not think twice to spend money on our hair, our nails, or to go to the gym.  We spend hours shopping for just the right clothing and preparing our hair. But how much time do we spend fixing up our “inside”?  Are we putting into practice what we hear the preacher say at church?  Are we reading books that help us to grow spiritually?  Are we listening to podcasts that challenge and convict us in our walk with Jesus?  (I Peter 3)

2)  Focus on our own need for change. This one is really important.  Most of us try to change our husbands.  We do this in a variety of ways, including nagging and cold shoulders.  But I ask you:  has any method to change your husband ever been effective?  In my case, the answer is no.  I have been very convicted of this, as of late.  I have to worry about me.  Are my responses and reactions godly?  Am I being the wife I should be?  Do I need to change?  If I am honest, my response to that question has to be a resounding YES, I do need to change.  I have much growing to do.  And so I continue to be challenged to work on me and pray about the areas in which I think my husband should change.  I serve a great God…I can trust Him to work in my husband’s life.  And He will!  He is faithful!  I have personally experienced this many times.  It is sad that I so easily forget! (Proverbs 21:9)

3) We need to submit to our husband’s leadership. This isn’t popular or easy to do.  But God tells us this in several different passages, so it must be important.  Each home has different challenges in this area.  Some homes have a man who willingly gives up his leadership to his wife.  But that is not God’s plan, so we need to turn that around.  Other homes are filled with fireworks, because the husband and the wife both tend to be very opinionated and vocal.  But when push comes to shove, the husband should make the final decision.  It isn’t always easy for the wife but this is the way clearly commanded in scripture.  And then there are other homes where the husband is a natural leader and the woman a born follower and she has a difficult time giving any opinion. Wherever we find ourselves in this scenario, it is very clear from scripture where we should be.  We have a responsibility, as wives, to do our part in this area. (Ephesians 5:22-32)

Marriage is tough, isn’t it?  No matter how wisely we choose our spouse, we will all have some stony areas, and even big rocks, to navigate around.  First and foremost, we need to use great wisdom in choosing our path.  My very wise husband often tells our children that their choice of spouse will either make for a wonderful life or a very difficult life.  They get to choose.

But after that is all behind us – and, for most of us, it is – we need to appropriately attire ourselves so that we are pleasing the Lord and making our marriage the very best it can be!

Facing the Music

Leave a Comment / May 31, 2012

A few months ago we were forced to get a new washer.  I actually was fine with that, as I had hated my front loader from the day we got it.  When I went shopping for a new washer I knew I wanted a top loader. I found a great washer but what they didn’t tell me in the store is that when the load is finished, I get to hear a little song. Not a buzzer or a bell, but a sweet (and rather annoying) little song.

The pleasant tune will play faithfully, not minding what I am doing–I can be in the middle of baking bread or writing or cleaning a closet. If the washer cycle is through, I will hear that song. And if I am going to have clean, fresh-smelling laundry I need to go to my washer as soon as I hear that song. Sometimes I am busy and I forget.  Sometimes I am lazy and I think I will do it later and then forget.  Or sometimes I am not home. But if I don’t “face the music”, the next time I go to my washer, I will have a musty smell coming from my washer and end up having to wash the same load all over again (have you ever done that or is it just me??)

Sounds a little bit like life, doesn’t it? Sometimes we hear an annoying little song in our relationships. They are warning signs we shouldn’t ignore, perhaps a husband who won’t talk to his wife, a wife who doesn’t like to spend time at home, a child that throws tantrums on a regular basis, a teen that hangs with the wrong friends, just to name a few. These signs signal us that there is a problem that we need to take care of.  But we are often too busy or too lazy to worry about it.  Or perhaps we have already checked out of the relationship and find ourselves indifferent (this is especially true in marriages and friendships).

Of course, oftentimes, we just aren’t sure what to do so we do nothing. I know exactly what to do when I hear the little song in my washer.  I go to the washer and I move the wet laundry from the washer to the dryer. But relationships aren’t always so cut and dried, are they?

But one thing that is for sure: that annoying song probably won’t go away on its own.  And it will probably get louder. Every divorce started with small steps in the wrong direction. Most rebellious teens showed signs years before the rebellion occurred. Most friendships showed signs of wear before a break was completely made.

Just like my washer cannot be ignored, neither can our relationships. We have a responsibility to do all we can to mend broken relationships. We need to look at ourselves – how do I need to change?  We need to do all we can personally do to fix the problem.  And all the while, we need to be committing it to prayer on a regular basis. It can be a painful, torturous process, but the reward is so worth it!

Let’s take necessary steps to do what we can to heal the problems we see in our relationships. Sure, we are only ever half of the equation.  But we are half!  Have a blessed day as you face the music in your life!

2 Thessalonians 3:13  But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good.

Are you really saved?

8 Comments / July 24, 2023

grapesrev

I have a great fear that in this day and age of “easy-believism” there is a trend to blindly consider ourselves saved and then to continue living our sinful, selfish, and worldly lives without ever changing at all.  But if our life has not been transformed or changed in any way are we even really a believer? The testimony found below would indicate that we probably are not saved if this is the case.  Spiritual growth happens at different paces and in a multitude of ways– but it always happens in the lives of those that are saved.

Last week a college friend e-mailed me to say “hello”. I hadn’t heard from him personally for some time, but my brother (a good friend of his) had shared his amazing testimony with me a few years ago. This young man had grown up in Christian family and spent all of his life attending church. He attended Christian school and even a Christian college. He was a “good” guy. He thought he was saved but then the Lord, in His amazing grace and mercy, showed Him that he was not. I asked him if I may share his story with you. He kindly said, “yes” and e-mailed me this:

I professed to be a Christian at the age of six years old. My parents had been taking me to church since I was born, and continued taking me as long as I was under their roof. My parents sacrificed to send me to the Christian schools all but three years of my elementary and high school education. I attended two years at Grace College. When I applied at Grace, I was asked if I was a Christian. I assured them I was. I went on a short term mission trip with 59 other high school age kids when I was 17. Again, one of the questions to get on this mission team was if I was a Christian. I assured them I was. I met a wonderful young woman at Grace. When I went to pick her up for the first time at her house, her father grilled me in concern for his daughter. The first question he asked me is if I was a Christian. I assured him I was. Before this young lady went out with me for the second time she asked me if I was a Christian. I assured her I was. After being married for a while she continued to ask me at various intervals if I really was a Christian. Time after time I assured her I was. There were many times during my life that I asked myself that same question: was I a Christian? I assured myself I was. After all, I grew up in the church. I walked up the aisle at church and said that I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart. I was baptized, twice. At each and every step in my life my spiritual state was questioned and I always answered the same: “Of course I am!”

I mentioned that my wife repeatedly asked me if I was a Christian after we were married. She did this because she saw things in my life that seemed contrary to what a Christian is. The biggest thing she saw in my life was apathy towards God. When I sat down in church, as soon as the singing was over I settled down for a nap. I never read the Bible on my own. She never saw me praying. Most of my actions and behavior growing up and after marriage screamed that I was unsaved. In thirty-three years of claiming to be a Christian there was absolutely no growth, no good fruit. How could this be? How could someone claiming to be a Christian for over thirty years have nothing to show for it?

I want to tell you today that the reason there was no good fruit in my life and the reason I was totally apathetic and bored with Biblical things was because I was not a Christian. The knowledge of who Jesus Christ was never made it to my heart. I knew many things about Him. I wanted Him as my Savior, to keep me out of hell. I wanted all the benefits of being a Christian. But I refused to put Jesus as the Lord of my life. I did not serve Him. I did not love Him. I loved myself. I served my sinful desires. Matthew 6:24 says, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” Matthew 7:18-23 is a passage that really wakes a person up. It says, “A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus by their fruit you will recognize them. Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord’, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophecy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me you evildoers!’

I was a bad tree because I bore no good fruit. Every aspect of my life was bad fruit. But just a few short years ago, when things were getting really bad in my life, I realized that all my fruit was bad because I was not saved. At that moment I turned my life over to Jesus, asked Him to forgive all those years I did things in His name, but in actuality was an evil doer. I asked Him to heal my broken life and help me to love Him with all my heart, mind, strength, and soul. The apathy left me immediately. From that moment on I have loved reading, hearing, and talking about my Savior.  Making Jesus my Lord meant that everything I did was with Him in mind. See, I had always believed the basics of the Bible, but we are told that even demons believe, and tremble. All those years, though I believed what the Bible said, I had been a slave to my sinful self, a slave to sin, but now I am a slave to my Savior Jesus Christ. So now I can truly call Him my Savior and Lord.

You see, being a Christian is not just growing up in the church, being good most of the time, doing things in the name of Christianity, and even believing what the Bible says. It is a personal relationship with Jesus. It is loving His name. It is serving Him. And it is longing to be with Him. For years I had a list of things that I wanted to do before going to heaven. But now there is nothing in this world that I desire more than to be with Jesus for all eternity.

I want to thank my friend, Trent, for allowing me to share his testimony with you. He became saved over five years ago now and his thirst for God increases each day. His whole life has changed because he is now truly born again!

Do you yearn to know God more?  Are you growing in your knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? Do you love the things He loves and hates the things He hates?   Are you serving God or are you serving yourself?  This is a great day to take an honest look at yourself.  Are you really saved?

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