Growing Older – Page 3 – Growing 4 Life

Finding Normal

2 Comments / July 27, 2015 July 28, 2015

It’s Monday morning and I find myself surrounded by wedding stuff that was thrown in boxes and stuffed in baskets after the big event, waiting to be sorted and organized. The last couple of years have flown by as we were always preparing for the next big event. Three weddings in thirteen months. And now all of them are over. Our three oldest kids have kissed us good-bye and traveled into their futures, holding the hands of the ones that we have prayed for since they were children. We are so thankful for each of the young people joining our family and feel so blessed.

But with these wonderful additions to our family comes change. Lots of change.

Ever since my oldest daughter got engaged, I knew that my upcoming couple of years were going to be a real roller coaster ride of change. I was watching my oldest kids and realized that there was likely more than just one wedding in the near future and started pondering the months ahead. Over the course of the following year and a half, we had our oldest daughter get married, our son get married, and then this past Saturday, we had the wedding of our middle daughter. We had a gorgeous day, with just a slight breeze keeping us all comfortable on a hot July day and her chosen theme of sunflowers seemed to fit perfectly with the beautiful rural setting. Our family and friends have been so gracious to come to so many weddings, two of them being only six weeks apart. We are so grateful for their presence at these precious celebrations and appreciate their efforts to be there.

As I lived through the past couple of years, I had an urgency to prepare for the future, knowing that going from having four kids living in my house to only one would be a big change. But the weddings and all that goes with them were almost all-consuming. Along with the weddings came quite a few other dynamics that we could have never foreseen. They all worked together to make for a very challenging time for my husband and me. It’s certainly been stretching us and growing us, that’s for sure. And that means little effort has been given to preparing for our new normal. And, honestly, how do you emotionally prepare for a drastically reduced “nest”, anyway?

I know that this empty nest thing doesn’t affect most of you. But this is a good lesson for all of us, no matter what stage we are in. I think we want to– we try to-– find our normal. There is something so comfortable about routine and the familiar. But sometimes we are simply in limbo and it’s just not possible. Sometimes there is no normal to find because life just keeps changing and throwing us curve balls. We have to learn to flex and bend and yield our will to God’s.

For me, it has been the steady stream of kids leaving our home that is teaching me to yield my will to God’s. It is teaching me about myself. And it’s teaching me about God. But for you it may be chronic health issues or a shaky job situation. We are all in limbo at one time or another and any normal we ever find ourselves in is always tentative at best.

With this being the case, it is probably best to hold on very lightly to our “normals”. No one is more surprised than me at just how tightly I was clinging to my normal. I never had any idea that my purpose, my worth, and my very soul were so wrapped up in my kids. I thought I was a good Christian mom who loved her kids and tried to raise them to honor the Lord. I never realized just how much I relied on my role as Mom. Thankfully, I still have my youngest daughter at home, helping to make this transition a little easier, but it has certainly been a real eye-opener for me and has forced me turn to God for comfort and guidance. (His faithfulness through this time has been incredible. I will write about that some time soon).

Perhaps this is one of the main reasons are we are shaken out of our “normals”. Because when we are comfortably ensconced in normal we often don’t rely on God. It takes a good shake out of our comfort zones to remind us where our true worth and purpose lies. It also reminds us of just how weak we are and how desperately in need of a Savior.

And so I wait patiently for my new normal. I have no idea what that will look like. I do know it will be so much quieter and peaceful. It will be cleaner and neater. But those things aren’t as good as they are cracked up to be. (Are you listening to me, you moms who are surrounded by little ones?)

I do hope that in my new normal I grow closer to God, finally having the time to dig into the Word more. I look forward to getting to know my youngest daughter in a deeper way, now that she is stuck with just Mom and Dad at home. I hope that I can minister to and bless others, as my parenting and housewife duties have decreased substantially. And I guess I am most looking forward to loving the grandchildren that will hopefully join our family in the future.

But I know one thing– I don’t want to get stuck in status quo, growing lazy and satisfied with the unimportant and trivial. I want to use this time for God’s glory! Any normal we find should always have this first and foremost in mind.

And as life naturally brings the changes of new babies, graduations, marriages, adoptions, illnesses, financial difficulties, job pressures, relationship troubles, and death, our normals are constantly changing. And, yes, it can be very painful. But if we are humble and teachable, it will never be worthless. For after it is all over, we can see how God used it to grow us and change us and make us more like Jesus.

If You Believe

6 Comments / July 23, 2015 July 23, 2015

Disclaimer: I feel rather hypocritical even posting this. I try to share God’s Truth here at Growing 4 Life, but sometimes struggle greatly to live it. This time of my life, as my nest empties, has been a great challenge for me. I never realized that such great joy and such deep grief could reside side by side within my heart. But there it is. Feelings in complete opposition warring for my attention at almost all times. I tell you this to let you know that I am no spiritual giant. I am weak and pathetic and desperately in need of a Savior. I hope this post encourages any of you who are struggling to continue walking through your dark place.

Sometimes we can get so discouraged. By the world. By our circumstances. By life.

I am not sure who is still reading through the Bible with me, but even if you have stopped or never started, please stick with me. This post is for everyone.

I know you are familiar with the well-known Biblical accounts–

~God creates the world (Genesis 1-3)

~God destroys the world and saves Noah, his family, and the animals in an ark (Genesis 5-9)

~God calls Moses to leadership and miraculously saves His people and then takes supernatural care of them in the wilderness (Exodus).

~God destroys the walls of Jericho (Joshua 6), uses a boy and a stone that impossibly hits Goliath’s impenetrable armor in just the right place to knock him down (I Samuel 17), and, later, in the Syrian camp creates the frightening sounds of horses and chariots coming, causing the great army to flee (2 Samuel 7).

~God decides to keep Elijah from the experience of death and takes him up in a chariot of fire (2 Kings 2).

~God keeps Jonah safe and sound in a big fish for three days and nights (Jonah 1-2).

~And we didn’t get this far yet in our reading, but we all know the courageous tales of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego in the fiery furnace (Daniel 3) and Daniel in the Lions’ Den (Daniel 6).

Do we really believe these things happened?

And if we say yes, then do we honestly think any problem we may face is a challenge for God?

We serve such an awesome and mighty God. When we see his power and grace at work, we can’t help but realize that our problems are small compared to such circumstances.

God is sovereign. His way is best. As we study the scripture and grow to know God in a deeper and fuller way, it will grow easier to trust Him. Whether he chooses to refine us or comfort us, to stretch us or to give us a break, to rain on us or to shine down on us, we can take it all from His hand when we start to comprehend just how much He loves us. Life starts to make more sense when we really get to know our heavenly Father and understand His purposes.

Life is hard. There is no doubt about it. And some of you are going through really tough times right now. Today. Please don’t neglect your Bible reading during this time. This is how God has chosen to convey His great love for us. It’s what He uses to convict and challenge and change us. When we turn away from His Word during times of great challenge, we are ignoring the single most important tool that He has provided for our benefit and comfort.

I hope that you believe that God’s Word is literal, inerrant, and inspired (If you don’t, then I challenge you to really do some studying instead of just saying you don’t believe). And if you do, then keep reading and studying the Word of God. For from its pages, we receive our best hope and our greatest comfort. Scripture provides conviction, refinement, and, most importantly, Truth about the God of the universe and His plan for salvation.

To Everything There is a Season

Leave a Comment / June 25, 2015 June 25, 2015

Lately, I have been really pondering this thing called life.

How fleeting it is. And how sad. And how lovely.

I think it’s pretty natural for most people to start reviewing their lives a bit when things start changing for them. As you already know, life is changing for me. With an extremely busy husband and two very busy young women living at home, I find myself alone more often than not these days. This is quite an adjustment for a mom who used to home school four kids. No children’s laughter ringing out loudly in the evening air. No passionate arguing. No calling of “Mom!” from across the yard. The house seems to almost join my sadness in its eery silence. It gives me way too much time to think.

And so how appropriate that in the past week of our Bible Challenge I read Ecclesiastes. How poignant to read these words–

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;

A time to gain,
And a time to lose;

These are just a couple of phrases from Solomon’s poem about life. But these especially struck me, being where I am at in life just now. I feel like I should add a verse:

A time to raise children
And a time for them to start out on their own.

Of course, Ecclesiastes 3 is best left without my addition. But it is certainly something I have been contemplating much lately.

But it’s the first part of that poem that we really start to understand and think on as we grow older and become more familiar with death–

A time to be born,
And a time to die;

Here in America, we seem especially inoculated to this thing called death. With modern medicine, we see less of it than any other group of people in all of history. And so it scares most of us. And we hate it. We hate to see anything die (even baby birds, if you remember my post from Monday). But, much more so, we hate to see people die. And so when something like the church shooting in Charleston happens, we struggle with it. Why were these people ruthlessly murdered? It just seems so cruel and tragic.

I heard John MacArthur’s thoughtful response to this event the other day and it really makes sense in light of Ecclesiastes. He first shared that he had been in Charleston for a conference and had met many of the African-American pastors there. He had been welcomed there with open arms. He asked us all to pray for the Christians–our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ–that are hurting there. He was heart-broken. And then he added one more thing–

He said may this remind us that death is a reality. We are all going to die. May this remind us why we need to keep sharing the gospel. Because the only thing that can take away the sting of death is salvation through the blood of Jesus Christ. Because our lives are so much more than these fleeting moments on earth.

Those aren’t his exact words but my paraphrase of them. As I thought about his words, I realized just how distracted I can become by the things that aren’t important in the light of eternity.

We can become a bit depressed as we read these words of Ecclesiastes 12:a–

For who knows what is good for man in life, all the days of his vain life which he passes like a shadow?

And the words of James 4:14–

whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.

But then we realize the hope that is within us as believers! We have many promises in God’s Word on which to build our faith (Romans 8:28-39; I Peter 5:7; Isaiah 41:10; John 11:25-26; I John 3:2-3; Philippians 3:20-21 to name a few).

This hope we have in Christ us should make us different in this world where death is such a non-negotiable part of life–

1. We should have a “peace that passeth understanding”. (Philippians 4:7)

2. We should remain hopeful– even in the midst of the worst circumstances. (I Peter 1:3-5)

3. We should have the true joy that comes from standing guiltless before God through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice. (2 Corinthians 8:1-2)

4. We should have a driving need to tell others about salvation and the promise of eternal life we have because of it. (Romans 10:14-15)

But instead, so many of us Christians are apathetic and distracted. We don’t really care if our neighbors and co-workers know the Lord because we have enough of our own problems.

We don’t have hope or joy or peace, because we have invested heavily into the things of this world and this is where our treasures are–worldly, precarious treasures that come and go like the wind.

No matter where we find ourselves–whether young or old, poor or wealthy, single or parent–we need to ask ourselves these questions:

What am I doing to make sure that anyone who comes in contact with me knows that I have a hope within that doesn’t compare to anything that the world offers?

What am I doing to make sure that my treasures are in heaven and not on earth?

Life is fleeting. And we are all going to die. These are two facts we cannot escape.

Am I leaving a legacy that is befitting one of God’s servants? And have I liberally planted seeds to further God’s kingdom?

Weekend Reflections

2 Comments / June 15, 2015 June 15, 2015

Today’s post is not typical and there really isn’t going to be any spiritual lesson. Instead, I am going to try to encapsulate my emotions from this past weekend just a bit. We had my son’s wedding on Saturday (which you already know) and then we had my parents’ 50th Wedding Anniversary party on Sunday. S0, before we go any further, I will answer the question I know you are thinking– yes, I am a bit crazy to do that. That has already been established.

However, just so you know, my brother is from out-of-town and this just made the most sense. Plus we were able to use the wedding venue and the wedding centerpieces, so it came together pretty easily–especially when you have a sister-in-law and a daughter who should really go into party-planning as a business…

Now that we have my sanity (or lack thereof) established, we can move on to some of my impressions from the weekend. As mentioned above already, this is certainly not my normal kind of post but I thought I would share this here because so many of us share the same emotions when it comes to our children and our parents. I’ll get back to my normal style on Thursday.

So, first, my impressions of Saturday–

I guess if you read my blog, you are already familiar with the fact that I have been on an emotional roller coaster regarding this wedding. Let me say first and very clearly, this roller coaster had nothing to do with my son’s choice of a bride. She is the perfect choice for him and we couldn’t be more thankful. The fact that her parents are some of our closest friends is a very special bonus. It’s the stuff in life you could never plan! I think, rather, that it was partly because it was my only son’s wedding and I knew he now would officially have another woman as his priority in life. Some of you will get what I’m saying and some of you won’t. I also think it was because the reality of the empty nest is starting to set in now.

But, last Monday, I started to feel so much better. Over the course of the next few days, I had three or four dear, dear friends text or tell me in person that they were praying for me. I could feel their prayers holding me up and I had a great week last week. Prayer is an amazing thing.

And, this morning, I am okay. I am really exhausted but I’m okay. Although, I cannot lie–there is a big empty sadness that fills me when I think about my son’s room never being occupied by him again. It’s just so…strange. No one ever tells you when your babies are little what it feels like to watch your birdies try their wings and fly off away into their own lives. I find myself wishing I didn’t feel so deeply. It makes it so much harder.

But we are so excited for our son–and for our two daughters– and their future lives. They have all grown up to be responsible adults who want to follow Jesus and have found spouses who want to do the same. What more could you ask as parents? While there may be some mourning over what was, I stand amazed (and also filled with a bit of relief if I think back to the question marks of the teen years!) when I look at my adult kids. They are not perfect kids and we are far-from-perfect parents. We take no credit. God is so good. And He is so faithful.

Which leads me to my impressions of Sunday–

As people started to file in to my parents’ party I saw many dear friends that I hadn’t seen for so many years. Memories of yesteryear filled my mind. And I had to think of how God uses certain people in our lives at certain times and then they leave the stage of our lives and we move on. It’s the nature of life. We move, we change jobs, we change churches, and we become disconnected. And it makes me thankful for two things–first, that we are graced with the presence of so many dear friends throughout our lives. People who have supported us and encouraged us just when we needed it. What an incredible blessing from God! And, second, for the really special friends that God gives us that hang around our entire lives. At the party were a few friends that my parents have remained close to through all of the changes in their lives. They have a special connection (I call it a “kindred spirit”) with my parents and have been with them through thick and thin. If we are fortunate enough to have just a few “kindred spirit” friends, we are beyond blessed. True friends are hard to come by. They are a treasure and should never be taken for granted.

And as we celebrated, the absence of several relatives was felt. But, for me it was the absence of my mother’s brother, Larry, that was felt most deeply. He has gone on to be with the Lord and life on earth–at least for this family–will never be the same. He is still so sorely missed. I know that all people are missed, but Larry was special. He was one of those uncles that you knew cared about you. That you could go to if you ever needed anything. And he made us laugh–oh, how he made us laugh. I know that life will never be the same without him.

I was also filled with such thankfulness as I thought about God’s sovereignty in putting me in this particular family as a tiny baby. Why me? Why was I so blessed to be put there? I have no answer for that. But I do have a very grateful heart.

And so this weekend was filled with emotion for me– the hope of the future and looking back to the past. It was a lot to take in. To say the least.

But I guess if there is any lesson to be had here, I would leave you with something my dad said when he shared a few words yesterday. He said that before any children joined the family, he and mom had talked about the fact that nothing would ever be more important to them than that their children would come to know the Lord. That would always be the priority. My parents were not perfect, but that was always the priority. They held to their word.

They now have a son who is a preacher (and an amazing one at that!) and a daughter who writes about biblical principles. But their decision has also affected the lives of their grandchildren. For we, their children, have also made that the priority with our own children. And it is our prayer that our children will do the same.

If you have young children– or even if your kids are older– I encourage you to make the same priority in raising your kids. Nothing is more important. No sports trophies or academic accolades compare. No stage or glory or awards matter more than this one thing–that our kids love and serve Jesus.

Weaknesses and unkind words and unloving actions have abounded in my families. They were part of my life growing up and they are part of my life now. But if we keep the Lord our priority, he is so faithful. He is so faithful. He fills in the gaps of our weaknesses and honors our commitment to Him. It is truly hard to explain the joy and peace that fills a heart that lives for Him. Life isn’t perfect and there are hard times. But, through it all, it is well with my soul.

I know so many of you have experienced the same faithfulness. You have experienced God’s great love and grace for you. We don’t base our Christian walk on that experience (as is so common today) but, the experiences confirm what we know to be true from scripture. They confirm the promises we read in God’s Word. I leave you with just one of those promises–

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him! (Psalm 34:8)

It’s About Love

Leave a Comment / May 4, 2015 May 28, 2020

I had an interesting conversation with my kids the other day.

“Your shirt’s a little low there, Mom,” said a daughter.

I self-consciously pulled it up and mumbled, “I know. This stupid shirt…”

Upon which my son said, “no worries, Mom, no one is looking at you, anyway.”

Uhhh, thanks.

But, hey, while it was a little hard on my ego, I also realized that it’s mostly true.

So why should I worry about modesty as an older woman?

Perhaps we should first answer the question of why all women–whether young or old–should worry about modesty at all?

I think there is a really good reason that God tells us to be modest (I Timothy 2:9). Let’s look at why that might be–

When most men get a glimpse of a breast or see thighs and bottom barely covered or covered by skin-tight pants, they are sexually aroused. This is how God created them.

I don’t know why He created them like this. I just know that He did.

Not only is this the way they were created, but then we read in Matthew 5:27-29 that to lust sexually is counted the same as committing adultery. We also know from the context of the passage that both of these things are considered serious sins. So this natural tendency that men have is something they must fight every day.

And over the past 50 years or so, this battle in their minds has become almost minute-by-minute combat which they can’t escape, often even in our churches!

We also know that God tells us in His Word that we are to love others (Matthew 22:39). If I would ask you what loving someone looks like, you would probably mention doing something special for them or being nice to them. And this is a part of love, for sure. But let’s leave the status quo definition of love behind for a moment.

Couldn’t we women also show love by keeping ourselves properly covered? Dressing modestly is truly an act of genuine love, encouragement, and protection for all men who see us, especially for our Christian brothers in the Lord.

For some reason I have not quite ever been able to understand, we Christian women have just seemed to completely forgotten that God calls us to modesty and that He does so for a reason– to protect us and to protect the hearts and minds of the men around us.

Our love for God and our obedience to His Word should be an even more important reason for us to obey Him in this area. And here is what I have found out– what we wear is just the first step in demonstrating modesty. The true heart of modesty is humility and grace. Think of it like this– when we dress immodestly we draw attention to ourselves. When we dress (and act) modestly, we are much more likely to draw people’s eyes towards Jesus instead of distracting them with our outward appearance.

Perhaps it is not you who dresses immodestly but you have allowed your daughter to dress in such a way. I never cease to be amazed at what Christian parents allow their daughters to wear. Parents who I know genuinely love the Lord and have a wonderful testimony, otherwise.

Inevitably, when you have this modesty question, some woman will loftily announce that she can’t be held responsible for a man’s mind and where it goes.

Yes, that is true. He has a responsibility to turn his eyes away. But how loving and kind it is to dress in such a way that men do not have to do that when they look at us!

So back to the original question– what if no one is looking at me, anyway? What does it really matter if my shirt is too low or my skirt too short?

This is a pretty relevant question, because as women head into mid-life, they sometimes grow a little panicky in all the life changes. And in a reaction to that panic can sometimes dress in ways that are slightly more immodest or not age appropriate. And, honestly, I can understand why. This time of a life is a really strange place to land as a woman, and everything feels topsy-turvy. But we still need to dress modestly.

Let’s go to Titus 2:3-5 to find out why–

the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— ⁴that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, ⁵to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

It would seem pretty clear from these verses that we have an obligation to dress modestly for the sake of the younger women around us. We need to be the example they are to follow. That is our responsibility as we grow older. We never get to stop caring. We always need to be intentional about what we wear.

Now, I admit dressing modestly can be extremely difficult for all of us women–whatever our age–for a number of reasons–

1) We won’t fit in with those around us. A really good example of this is if you are a young woman on the beach. If you aren’t wearing a bikini, you almost stand out like a sore thumb. You don’t quite fit in with the crowd. Which is actually exactly what we are supposed to do — not look like the world– but it can be a bit uncomfortable and we have to be willing to part from the crowd. And that is never fun.

2) We can’t find modest clothes to buy. I have found this one to be especially challenging. It seems that fashion has dictated that cleavage is in and modesty is out. It is downright difficult to find a shirt that doesn’t slink its way down in the course of the day or give a full view if you bend over. And let’s be honest– most of us don’t want to live in polos or turtlenecks. But should we be sacrificing our modesty for that cute shirt? I am especially challenged as I write this, because I am ashamed to admit that I have made some exceptions for some “cute” shirts.

Is there ever a reason that we can in good conscience be immodest? Like is it okay on your wedding day? Or at a beach where no one knows you?

Answer this question: Are there men there?

If there are men there, then the answer is always no. There is, however, one glorious exception– we can be as immodest as we want with our own husbands! No modesty is necessary in the bedroom!

This has got to be one of the most confusing times there has ever been to live out our Christianity. We are told conflicting opinions about almost every topic. Modesty is no exception. But let’s stop listening to the placating excuses for why we can dress the way we want and let’s start turning our eyes to God’s Word, where we not only find the clear command that we need to be modest, but also find out why.

If you are in the habit of wearing low shirts, short skirts and shorts, tight yoga pants, or immodest swimwear, may I challenge you to do your own study of God’s Word in this area of modesty? Let’s stop following the crowd and drawing attention to ourselves and, instead, turn our focus towards pleasing God in this area of our lives.

Thighs are jiggly in the real world

2 Comments / January 19, 2015 January 19, 2015

I saw a video on Facebook the other day that showed real women exercising. Their bodies weren’t perfect, their thighs jiggled, most had a little tummy, and they broke a real sweat. They looked like they were having a great time. It was a commercial put out by a foreign athletic company for the same reason that the Dove soap commercial came out a few years ago with Jamie Lee Curtis–to present the truth about women. And it was beautiful.

Sometimes I get so weary of trying to be perfect, don’t you? We are constantly barraged by photos on our computers, tablets, and smartphones that tell us we do not measure up. We’re not skinny enough, our houses aren’t beautiful enough, our kids aren’t perfect enough. There is always this elusive, impossible standard that hangs over our heads.

That standard didn’t really exist even 25 years ago. It was just starting to affect us. Now it can control us if we aren’t careful. A big problem in our pinterest-facebook-instagram world is the standards and expectations we set for ourselves because of the pictures we see.

It reminds me of a blog I landed on a few weeks ago. It was a young mom’s home and she had taken some holiday pictures of it that were gorgeous! She obviously has an eye for decorating and design. But even as I scrolled down through, I felt inadequate.

Now, don’t get me wrong– I don’t think there is anything necessarily wrong with posting beautiful pictures. Our world is a much more creative place now that the online world is filled with blogs and Pinterest. But, oh, how careful we need to be as we surf the online world.

Life is so much more than the pictures you see on social media. It’s full of jiggles and cellulite. It’s full of dirt and messes. It’s okay if our houses don’t look like they belong on a blog post. It’s okay if we have a little tummy pooch. Who in the world ever gave us the impression that’s it’s not? And why do we listen to them?

This post is not about losing weight or enjoying interior design but, instead, about trying to be someone we are not because of pictures we see. It’s about young, healthy moms who think they are overweight because they don’t look like the single girl they graduated with ten years ago. It’s about being discontent with our body shapes and our possessions. It’s a vicious cycle, isn’t it?

And if we get into that cycle of discontentment, all gratitude is gone. And without gratitude, we lose sight of our many blessings — a critical part of a healthy relationship with God.

We need to be careful of the subtle call of discontentment and view it for what it is and then take necessary steps to change it. Because life is just too short to try to be something we aren’t. Let’s instead live lives of joy and gratitude and turn to God’s Word for our standards of living. Because, in the end, the fruits of the spirit and a godly life will be so much more important than any external change we may have made.

I Timothy 4:8 For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.

A Look Back

3 Comments / May 16, 2014 May 16, 2014

In just a few short weeks my oldest daughter will be getting married. My dining room is filled with boxes and wedding supplies as she prepares for her big day. She and her fiance are busy fixing up an old house they were able to purchase. It is fun to watch them together, as they work on wedding plans and prepare to start their new life together. But it is also frustrating because my daughter lives here and her stuff is here, but she isn’t really here. Know what I mean?

And I wondered how I felt the summer before my August wedding? Was I as in love? Were my parents frustrated with me?

But I didn’t have to just wonder. I could actually look back. Because, as you may already know, most writers journal. And so I have some kind of record of my feelings about life since about 5th grade. I have pulled out those journals every great once in awhile as I have raised my teen girls.

So a few nights ago I decided to pull out my journal from the summer of 1988. I had not read those words since I had written them. It was strange to read the words of my former self. I am the same person. And yet, I am not the same person.

In those pages, I read about events and relationship dynamics that I had totally forgotten. And guess what? I had some of the typical problems with my parents, too, as an adult living at home. Only I had a different perspective back then. I had not remembered any of that.

It was also interesting to see what I had written about my future husband and myself and the problems I anticipated us having as we headed off into marriage. And all these years later, I could see that I was right. They were the problems that we have faced over and over again in our marriage.

As I told my husband about my insight into our future as a 22 year old, he jokingly said, “well, I guess you shouldn’t have married me.”

But I can honestly say that never crossed my mind. I’d marry him all over again in a heartbeat. And so I responded, “If it wouldn’t have been those problems, then it would’ve been different ones.”

Yes, we have issues. Every marriage does. There is no perfect relationship. (Why do we think there will be? Could it be the romance novels we read? Or the chick flicks we watch? Why in the world are our expectations so high?)

But we work through them, one step at a time, with candor, forgiveness, a sense of humor, and total commitment.

And how gratifying to realize almost 26 years later, that we have made some progress. We are not the same people we were when I was writing all those years ago. We have changed and matured and become just a little bit more like Jesus as we have added years. Oh, those flaws flare up and still stare us both in the face sometimes, but it isn’t as often. And it isn’t as severe.

I don’t know if you have your life recorded in journals. If you do, why not pull one out and take a few moments and look back? See how far you’ve come. If you don’t, then just take a few moments and think about how far you’ve come. Whether you are 25 or 95, think about your past years. Has your marriage relationship improved over the years? Have you become more like Jesus? Praise the Lord if the answer is yes. The Holy Spirit is working to sanctify you, just as we believers are promised in scripture (I Peter 1:2). But if it is no, don’t despair! Start today to create a new future! One step at a time. It is never too late! (And remember, real and lasting change can only be found after our relationship with God has been made right. If you don’t know Him personally, please click here.)

Our future is created one moment at a time. We are given choices each and every day–we can choose our attitude, our responses, our reactions — and these small choices are what creates the person we will become.

I didn’t think so deeply back when I was writing that summer of 1988. I didn’t realize all of this. Now, looking back, I can see that the prayers of my parents and grandparents helped to keep me on the right track. So that’s my second point. Pray for your kids and grandkids. There is so much we don’t understand when we are young. And most of us don’t want to listen to anyone tell us about life. Let’s cover the young people we love with much prayer.

It was interesting to take a look back. And in some ways I’m jealous. Starting out in life sounds fun and exciting. But then I realize– I wouldn’t really want to go back and learn everything all over again. So, here I am, middle-aged and headed into the future. Still determined to become more like Jesus through the little choices I make every day. Failing daily, but always brushing myself off and starting over again!

That was me. That could be me. That will be me.

Leave a Comment / April 17, 2014 April 17, 2014

I was tired and ready to go home. It had taken me at least ten minutes to return two items of clothing at the busy wholesale club, which was my last stop in a long list of errands that afternoon. As I piled the items from my full cart on to the conveyer belt, I saw her. She looked so frail. She was with someone younger than her, maybe a daughter or niece. As she was making efforts to pay, I felt slightly irritated. She was writing a paper check (people still actually pay at a retail store by writing a check?!) and was having some trouble understanding the instructions of the clerk. This was all happening in–what seemed to me at the time–slow motion. Each step or arm movement seemed to take minutes instead of seconds. But then I caught the eye of her companion. We exchanged smiles. And I continued to watch that tiny, frail old lady with a little more patience because around that moment, it hit me.

That is going to be me someday.

And I started to think about the different people who so easily frustrate us in life–

The mom with the sick infant that won’t stop screaming in the store or on the airplane.

That was me at one point in my life.

The driver, on their way home from a really terrible meeting or visit, who cuts me off because they are just so distracted.

I’ve been there.

Or the woman paying with food stamps in the grocery store line.

That could be me but for the grace of God.

And I realize that we should really extend so much more grace to people. Why are we so easily frustrated? We could be just like them. Perhaps we were just like them. Or we will be just like them one day in the future.

How do you want people to treat you? That’s the way we should treat others. It is so basic and yet so important.

Do you want your co-workers to tell you the truth? Then extend to them the same courtesy.

Do you want the person behind you in line to be patient as your credit card gets rejected for the third time for some unknown reason? Then do the same when you are that person in line.

What about the overwhelmed waitress? Does she deserve kindness? Would you want kindness if you were in her place–perhaps as new to the job or in a restaurant that is understaffed? God calls us to treat her the way we would want to be treated.

Jesus tells us this basic truth so clearly in Luke 6:31. So why do we struggle so? Why are we so gossipy and easily angered? Why do we backbite and hold grudges? Or sigh and throw tantrums?

I fail at this so often. I don’t mean to, I just get so caught up with my own little, selfish agenda and, woe betide anyone who gets in my way. But for some reason, the elderly lady really made me stop and think. How do I want to be treated when I can’t move as fast as I once did? Because it’s coming. Whether I want it to or not. It’s coming for all of us one day, if we are blessed to live a long life.

You know, if we all followed Luke 6:31 the world we be such a better place. In fact, I believe if Christians followed this commandment, churches would find themselves with few problems.

Of course, that’s in an ideal world, which is certainly not where we live. But it can start with us, can it not? Today, let us be the ones who treat others as we want to be treated. Let’s try to make a difference, however small, by extending grace and kindness to all who cross our path.

My Four Mirrors

Leave a Comment / March 27, 2014 March 27, 2014

When I had babies so many years ago, I don’t think that I fully realized something.

Wait– let me rephrase that. I know that I absolutely did not realize something.

Each one of my babies– in one way or another– would mirror some of my own worst sinful traits and most annoying habits.

They say that kids change you. And that is certainly true. And, quite honestly, I expected to be changed. It was coming face to face with my own sin on a daily basis that I wasn’t quite expecting.

I have great kids. I am so blessed. But almost every day, I will spot a bit of selfishness or anger or backbiting or gossip, and, while with my mouth I am “encouraging them” to stop what they are doing, inside I am frustrated because I know–as sure as I know the sun will rise again tomorrow– where they learned that behavior.

It is rather interesting to me that, as parents, we often have the toughest time getting along with the kid(s) that are just like us. Could it possibly be because of this dynamic? These kids that are like us force us to come face to face with our sin almost every day. And we don’t like that. It irritates and frustrates us. Our pride is hurt over and over again, because we know we haven’t conquered this sin in our lives and now we’ve condemned our children to struggle with it for the rest of theirs.

Could that possibly be part of the reason?

Whatever the reason, I do believe that, instead of growing frustrated, we need to humble ourselves and recognize the sin in our own lives, while we do the necessary task of raising our children.

How important it is that we do not pretend we are perfect while we discipline our children, while all involved — children, spouse– knows full well we are not.

Life is changing now for me. My kids are young adults and my role looks quite different. And the mirrors grow so much clearer. I can see some of the struggles and battles they are going to face because of the example I set. And I feel like a failure.

But, then I remember God’s grace and the victories over sin I have experienced through the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. No, not perfection, but victories. I am not the same person now that I was twenty years ago. God is slowly, but surely, sanctifying me and making me look more like Jesus.

And I know that, through their obedience to God’s Word and the supernatural working of the Holy Spirit in their lives, my much beloved children will also have that same victory in their lives as they mature.

Now my main job is to pray.

If you like this post and believe it would be an encouragement to others, I would very much appreciate if you would share it. Thank you! :)

Parenting 101: Being a “Great” Grandparent

2 Comments / January 24, 2014 January 24, 2014

Of course, as you know, I am not a grandparent. At least not yet! But my husband and I are looking forward to those days (after all, as I always say, if you are going to be old you may as well enjoy it!) I am sure some of my readers have some good input to give on this topic of grand-parenting. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas in the comments after this post.

From my perspective as a parent of a grandchild, I can think of four very important gifts that grandparents can give their grandkids–

1. Time. Time for conversations, reading stories, and playing games. Times for spotting leaves, finding butterflies and smelling flowers. So often, Mom and Dad are so caught up in their busy lives that they don’t have the opportunity to enjoy the little things of life. But many grandparents finally have the time to stop and enjoy and appreciate things. Including little ones in this special time of life is a wonderful gift for them.

2. Support their Parents. Supporting your children in their quest to raise godly children is such a gift to your grandchildren. Giving Mom and Dad a night off, so that their marriage can be nurtured and strengthened is also a very special gift to give. It is also important to keep our mouths closed around our grandkids. If we are going to speak about their parents, our words should be uplifting and positive.

3. A Listening Ear. Little children love to talk, don’t they? And, sometimes, parents get tired of listening. But that is where grandparents can step in! Grandparents often only have the children for a limited amount of time. Listening to them, without condition, during those times will make them feel valued and loved.

4. Neutral Ground. As kids grow older, the job of raising kids becomes a little more difficult. Battles take place and many are the frustrations. As parents, we are called to teach our kids and to grow them up to be godly men and women. This takes work and sweat and sometimes it hurts. But grandparents, while maintaining basic discipline and, of course, not doing anything contrary to rules Mom and Dad have set, can offer a wonderfully comfortable place where grandkids can just be kids. They offer neutral ground where frustrations and hot topics can be discussed from a more objective view point. Grandparents can be so valuable by functioning as mediators during these times.

These four things will be such special gifts for your grandkids. They won’t understand it until later, but, one day, they will grow up and realize how tremendously blessed they were in having grandparents like you. And that is when you will reap tremendous rewards for your investment in their lives. Many of these children will grow up and want to keep their relationship with you. Instead of a dreaded chore, they will count it as a privilege to spend time with you in your old age. My grown kids still make spending time with their grandparents a priority (NOT that I am suggesting that they are old yet!)

And, so, this post wraps up the month of January’s posts about parenthood. We went from the first stages of parenting to almost the last. Life just keeps changing and sometimes it is hard to keep up. But being flexible and accepting the changes that come is key to enjoying each stage to its fullest!