Struggles – Page 20 – Growing 4 Life

The Cluttered Past

4 Comments / September 30, 2013 September 30, 2013

Let me first state here that I tend to be a Type A personality to a certain extent. I like my i’s dotted and my t’s crossed. I like a plan and I like life to go according to that plan.

Of course, God has been working on me in this area for a long time. Obviously, life doesn’t always–or even often– go according to plan. Sometimes things in life do not fit into a neat little box.

Take e-mail for instance.

Yes, e-mail.

Being inundated by e-mails is one of those modern-day issues that didn’t exist at all a mere 20 years ago. But now–in 2013–it is how businesses and stores and marketers and charities and, oftentimes, even family and friends communicate with us. That makes for a lot of e-mails.

Let me take you back a few years. Back to the day I decided to sign up for a g-mail account. As the e-mails started pouring in, I would go crazy trying to organize them. I would spend hours deleting, filing, and sorting e-mails.

Of course, the problem was that I would have to do it all over again the next day. The other problem was that I would inevitably delete something I would need weeks or months down the road. I was so frustrated and couldn’t figure out how to make it easier.

And then came the conversation.

I was having a conversation with a young twenty-something about my frustration with this. His response to me was simple: just leave them all there.

The internal dialogue started. What? Leave all of the e-mails in my box, cluttering cyberspace, not to mention my screen?? Why, I could never do that! It goes against all that is within me. It’s not even right.

But his suggestion made my wheels start turning and a day or two later, I started entertaining the idea. What if I did do that? Any e-mail I needed would be available with a quick search. Would it really be that big of a deal to let them just sit there? Perhaps it was a just a head thing that I was bothered by the screen full of e-mails? Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t have much to lose if I put his suggestion into practice for a day or two.

And so I decided to give it a temporary try. I forced myself to put my obsessive compulsion to have a clean inbox aside and let the messages sit there staring at me.

At first, it was hard. But, very gradually, over time, I got used to it. So much so that it became my normal.

Now, years later, I have thousands of messages in my g-mail account. If you e-mailed me last October, it is still there. If you e-mailed me three years ago, it is there. In fact, unless it was definitely junk with zero chance of ever needing to be recalled and therefore deleted, it is there.

And I bet you are thinking so what?

Well, I got to thinking about my life.

A few months ago, because of knee issues, I was told that I will never run again. I was and continue to be disappointed about this. No, I was never a marathon runner or even called myself an “official” runner. But I enjoyed running as a form of exercise. When I ran, I felt free and powerful. And now those days are over.

I have struggled to work through this. The typical thoughts —This isn’t fair! Why me? Now what do I do for exercise? — all raced through my mind.

But, no matter what, this experience is now part of who I am. It is woven into the fabric of my life. I cannot delete it. I cannot go back and edit it. I am now the woman with the arthritic left knee that can no longer run.

I am also the mother of four almost grown children.

I am a woman who has had a miscarriage.

I am the woman who drove a car into a barn (and no, I am not telling that whole story, so don’t ask!)

All of this stuff makes up my past. It is messy. Some of it is embarrassing. Some of it is painful. And some of it is wonderful. But all of it is what makes me who I am.

Sometimes, I just want to clear out my life “in-box” and be given a second chance. A second chance at being a wife (learning to be submissive in marriage has been painful for both me and my husband), a second chance at being a mother (all that yelling and frustration was pointless and hurtful). Even a second chance at being a church member, a co-worker, a daughter. Of course, this isn’t possible.

But I am not the same person I was then. I’ve grown in grace, in spiritual maturity, and in love. Oh, I have a long way to go yet, but, looking back, I can see that there has been some progress. And all of my experiences from my past were used by God to change me.

Instead of viewing the untidy mess of our past as a liability, let’s view it as a blessing. Oh, maybe not what we typically view as a blessing, but a blessing, nevertheless.

For we would not be who we are now, if it weren’t for what we went through then.

If you are a committed Christian, then God has used all of your circumstances to mold you to be more like Jesus.

And, just like my e-mails that sit somewhere in cyberspace, so the moments of our lives take space in the recesses of our mind, molding and making us into the person we have become.

And, while the current e-mails stare at me when I hop on g-mail, the ones written three years ago are hidden way deep in cyber space. I don’t look at them every day. I don’t search for them. Our memories should be a little like that, too. We shouldn’t be wallowing in despair and discouragement and regret over the past (unless there is something unresolved and unforgiven–a topic for another post on a different day).

And, unlike e-mail, our pasts come with baggage. And we have a decision to make. Will it make me a better person or will it make me a bitter person? Will I grow more like Christ from my past experiences or will I grow less like Christ?

That is the question.

If you are reading this right now can you look back and see how God has created beauty from the ashes of your life? Or have you been so wrapped up in despair and self-pity, that you haven’t been able to see any growth or change at all? Only you can answer that question.

The Choice to Trust

Leave a Comment / September 23, 2013 September 23, 2013

There are some stories in life you could not possibly make up. We experienced one of those stories this weekend. It all started with the sighting of a kitten.

It was Saturday morning and my husband had decided to clean the garage that morning. A few minutes after he got started, he walked into the house and announced that we had at least one kitten staying in our garage. A streak of black had rushed by his feet in the midst of moving things around but he couldn’t find it now.

I was more than a little dismayed because A) We have no official cats anymore, B) I was really looking forward to having birds around to feed this year, now that we have no official cat, and C) I’m not a real big cat lover and I knew the inevitable outcome of combining a motherless kitten with the nurturing 14-year-old that resides in our home.

*Sigh*

At any rate, thus began the search for the black kitten that had been spotted. The kids could not find it and at lunch the announcement was made that there was probably at least one more–maybe even more. Oh, great.

The kids enthusiastically renewed their efforts to find the kittens as soon as lunch was over. I cleaned up the lunch dishes and then went to check and see how the hunt was going. I saw my son, my oldest daughter’s boyfriend, and my 14 year old daughter all gathered around the back corner of the garage. Apparently they had found the kitten. But it wasn’t the black kitten. It was a gray kitten.

The poor animal had backed itself way back under the step and the kids were having a very difficult time getting it out. It was hissing and using its sharp claws to defend itself. The little thing was scared to death and had no way of knowing that we were not the enemy.

Finally, my son donned some work gloves and with the combination of a few long-handled tools and the gloves, they were able to pull it out.

At first, it threw a fit, clawing and biting, but surprisingly, it settled down into my son’s arms within a matter of minutes and lay there just as if she was used to people. She was really skinny and rather pathetic-looking but her striking gray eyes and gray fur led me to believe that she had the makings of becoming a very beautiful cat–and for me to say that is something, because I am not a huge cat fan (as already mentioned earlier). The one peculiar thing we noticed was that she did not have a tail.

Our daughter excitedly grabbed our prior cat’s crate and set up a little home for it. She googled kittens so that she could care for it properly and also googled “cats without tails” to try and solve the mystery of this lacking body part. (She came to the conclusion that it must be part manx cat. Who knew??)

As she carted that crate around the rest of the day, she and the other kids would search for the black kitten every so often. It had been last spotted headed up the attic steps in the back of the garage. There is no door to get to the upper level, so it was probably in a hiding spot among our Christmas decorations or boogie boards.

The kids would search but they just couldn’t find it.

After discussing it, we had finally made an educated guess as to how the kittens had come to be in our garage in the first place (although we will not truly ever know). Because we live next to our business with its large shop and various outbuildings, we do have cats around here. They are wild, mangy creatures who help control the mice population and forage in our dumpster. We co-exist peacefully –they keep their distance and we keep ours.

A few months ago, however, a black cat had started showing its face during the day and the office girls had named it Nevin. One day they watched it walk towards our house. It started making this journey several times each day until finally they concluded that Nevin must be a girl (Oops! Oh, well, they weren’t changing its name now!) with a litter of kittens somewhere in the vicinity of our home. And so we had gone searching for them. That had been at least a month ago and we never did find them. Until Saturday. It might be important to note here that Nevin has not been seen for the last few weeks, either, which would explain the kitten’s skinny, starving body.

Okay, now back to our ongoing search for the missing black kitten–

Sunday dawned as a lovely, cool autumn day. After church, Eric searched for the missing kitten once more but with no success. Meanwhile, the little gray one was just eating up all of the attention she was getting and had quietly settled into her {temporary} home.

Around 3pm, my oldest and youngest daughters decided to go on one last search for the missing kitten. I didn’t think too much of it as I sat reading on the sofa.

Until I heard an urgent voice calling my name.

Now what I expected to see was a mangy, sick kitten. I sat unresponsive for a nano-second, gearing myself up to save the kitten for the sake of my girls (wouldn’t be the first time) when, all of a sudden, I heard words I had never expected to hear.

“It hung itself.”

What?!?

“The poor thing hung itself on the volleyball net. It must have gotten so worked up and flustered that it just kept pulling the net tighter and tighter around itself until it choked itself to death.”

I felt sick to my stomach. Even though I am not a great lover of cats, I wouldn’t wish this on any animal. The poor, poor thing. If it would have just come out when we called to it. But instead it had cowered in fear and eventually grew so frightened that its manic, crazy actions had actually caused its own death.

I just couldn’t help but make a comparison. Do you see where I am headed?

Wow. It couldn’t be any clearer. The tiny gray kitten fought and scratched but eventually submitted its will to the girl who truly cared about her. She was able to find food and water and a warm bed, where before she had only known starvation and a cold concrete floor. But it’s tiny sibling was not so fortunate. He had lived a {very} short life of great fear and had ended up sacrificing his own life because of it.

We do the same thing, don’t we?

We don’t trust that God knows better than we do and we stay hunkered down in our corners, on the concrete floor or caught in a net, starving, dying…unwilling to let the God who loves us provide for us a much better life.

And, yet, if like that gray kitten, we would settle down and rest in the will of our Heavenly Father, we would be amazed at the love and joy and peace that would flood our existence.

Why can’t we see it?

Why couldn’t the black kitten see it?

I don’t know. I don’t know why some see and others don’t. That is a question only God can answer.

But what I do know is that submission to God leads to indescribable peace and joy and protection.

The safest place to be is living a life of submission and obedience to God and His Word. We need to trust Him wholly and completely. He knows best.

Tis’ so sweet to trust in Jesus

Just to take Him at His Word

Just to rest upon His promise

Just to know, “Thus saith the Lord”

A Letter to Young Moms

Leave a Comment / September 19, 2013 September 19, 2013

Dear Young Mom–

I know I seem a bit irrelevant and old-fashioned to you. You would probably much rather get your information from colorful parenting magazines or child education specialists. And, honestly, things have changed a lot in this world since my children were small. But, although some things have changed, many others have not. After all, many of the worries, frustrations, joys, and rewards that come with being a mom are timeless.

As I contemplate the struggles you must be having today, I can confidently let you know that I, and many other women like me, truly can understand what you are going through. We remember the sleepless nights, the potty-training frustrations, the cheerios on the floor, and tripping over toys. We remember going over and over math homework or phonics lessons that we just couldn’t get our child to grasp. We remember the loud car rides and the chaos of bedtime. We remember the craziness of getting ready to go to church and the {almost} impossibility of trying to cook a meal or vacuum a floor with a baby on our hips.

Honestly, it seems like a lifetime ago–and yet it seems like yesterday.

A family is a little like a flower arrangement. Stick with me here. I love flowers, so this example came naturally to mind. When you see flowers in an arrangement, they look perfect and beautiful. But, without exception, each of the flowers in that arrangement was grown in dirt. It was most likely sprayed for pests and diseases, and probably pruned. Sometimes I think we expect to have picture perfect families right at the get-go. But the honest truth is that it takes years of hard work to reap the fruit of what you are doing right now as a young mom.

So how do we, to the best of our abilities, end up with a beautiful flower arrangement instead of a wilted and broken mess?

If I could give you one piece of wisdom, drawn from my own experience, it would be make sure and determine your long-term goals for your children right now–while they are babies. You see, if you develop your goals now, then you can eliminate the things that are not moving you towards that goal and foster and grow the things that are.

For me, personally, my goal for my children was simple and was drawn from the words in Mark 12:30-31: And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.

I figured if my kids learned to love God and others, then the rest–marriages, education, careers– would fall into place. Of course, I guess, by its very definition, this can’t really be a goal since I cannot control the outcome. But it was my first and most important priority in raising my kids–to teach them the truths of God from the Bible and to try to set a good example so that they would be, first and foremost, servants of God and secondly, that they would selflessly love others. Oh, I wasn’t very good at any of this some days and I have failed (and continue to fail) miserably sometimes. But this was my priority as a mom.

So, once we have set our goals (or priorities may be a better word) in place, how do we remember them in the midst of the daily chaos?

Here are a few helpful tips that I learned along the way–

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Bathroom accidents, muddy hands and feet, magic marker on the piano keys or the walls, locks of hair mistakenly cut off –all of these, when looking back now, are not as big of a deal as I made them. I know that now.

2. Keep your focus off of yourself. Whenever I was down or even angry as a young mom, I would eventually realize that it was often because my focus was on me. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to lose sleep or clean up that mess. Someone wasn’t treating me right. Poor little ole’ me. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. Because life isn’t really about me. It’s about glorifying God (Isaiah 43:7). And, if I am going to keep my priorities in order it is critical that I am not my focus!

As a side note, I want to mention here that, as moms, we are constantly barraged with this message: You deserve a break! You are a mom and you need time to yourself! And while I most definitely believe that is true, I also believe that breaks are to be enjoyed like a cool drink of water in the midst of a marathon. Motherhood isn’t about the cool drink, it’s about the marathon. It is important as moms that we keep our focus on the Lord and our families and not so much on ourselves. Sometimes, looking back, I am appalled at how self-centered I was (still at battle with this in my life…)

3. Find a happy balance in keeping your house. It is important to keep a neat and tidy house. Your husband feels loved and appreciated when you do. A household that is organized is a happier and more peaceful household. However, if your child cowers in fear if he spills his milk or you walk behind your children or husband cleaning up after them, you may not have found a balance in this area.

I will always remember one of the most encouraging things an older woman said to me when she visited my house one day amidst the toys and books and baby cups: “This is how a ‘lived-in’ home should look! I always feel sorry for kids who live in perfect houses because they can’t even be kids!” That made a huge impact on me as a young mom. I realized that it was okay for me not to have a picture-perfect house 24/7 (which was good because at that time I was also finding it impossible!)

We need to let our families “live” in our homes, but we also can’t throw our hands up in the air and stop working at keeping them clean and organized. Sometimes this can be a hard balance to find. I’d like to say this gets better –and it does in some ways–but now, instead of cheerios, I find chip bags, and instead of toys, I trip over size 11 boots, soccer cleats, and flip flops of all shapes and colors!

4. Keep your current priorities carefully. Review your goal(s). If your goal is for your child to be an Olympic gymnast then hours and hours spent at the gym make sense. Otherwise, they do not. But be very careful when setting any goals or priorities and consider the long-term, eternal ramifications of them. Is it really worth skipping church to go to an 8 year old’s sports event? Does that fit in with your long-term goal? Make sure your daily, current priorities match up with your long-term goals.

5. And, finally, don’t give up. Sometimes you probably feel like you just want to throw your hands up in the air and quit. Of course, as moms, we can’t do that. But if you are finding yourself amidst a really stressful, crazy time, see if Dad or Grandma will watch the kids and take one of those needed cool drinks of water. This is what they are for–high stress, difficult stages that come in waves all through life. Take a bath, go out with girlfriends, read a book, or–even better–spend some one-on-one time with God. You will come back refreshed and ready to tackle life head-on again.

I know that I have said this before, but I’ll say it again, anyway: You will blink and your babies will be all grown up. Life goes SO fast.

Spend the next few years loving the babies that have been entrusted to you. Discipline them, care for them, and nurture them. And then let the Master Arranger make a beautiful thing out of your family. He is faithful!

Lovingly,

A Mom Who Has Been There

The Mouse and The Camper

Leave a Comment / September 16, 2013 September 16, 2013

The tell-tale droppings were found in the most horrible of places — the silverware drawer.

“Oh, no, not again!” was my first thought.

It is first important for you to understand that we live in a home surrounded by fields. It is beautiful and I wouldn’t want it any other way, but along with the fields come the mice. The bothersome rodents always seem to find a way into the camper during the winter but this was mid-summer–August, in fact. What were they doing invading my space now? After checking all of their favorite places for evidence, I–once again– pulled everything out to wash and disinfect.

I expressed my frustration to my husband, who decided to set a few traps and put out some poison. I then doused cotton pads with peppermint oil and put them everywhere (supposedly mice hate the smell of peppermint oil).

A few days later, Eric went down to the camper to check his trap. And there it was! The tiny, gray creature that had caused me so much frustration. My husband disposed of it and we figured that was the end of the mice…at least for the summer.

Boy, were we wrong!

A few days later, as Eric pulled out one of the bagged chairs for a picnic, out fell three baby mice. The mouse had built a nest right in one of our chairs. Had we not found them we would have multiplied our mice trouble times three!

The things is, we can’t figure out how or where these annoying pests are entering our camper. They can get through the smallest space, so it is imperative that we seal even the most minuscule place of entry.

When we got this camper last year, my husband assured me that my mice troubles would be over as he was sure this model was sealed up tight, unlike our old one. How frustrating to realize that there is still some small way of entry.

I think we get ourselves into trouble with sin sometimes when we have that philosophy. Our pride leads us to believe that we are locked up tight against sin and we let our guards down.

When we see the tell-tale signs of a short temper or apathy or prayerlessness (to name a few), instead of finding the problem, we just “wash” the outside and keep going on.

But, just like the mice multiply, when we don’t find the sin and eradicate it, it just keeps growing and clean-up becomes messier and harder with each season.

We have to figure out what’s going on. What is causing the symptoms that are showing up in our lives?

Is it–

Greed? A lack of discernment? Anger? Pride? Disobedience? A rebellious heart? Fear? Doubt? Messed up priorities?

You see, until we can figure out the true reason of what’s going on in our lives and confess it and start working on it with the help of the Holy Spirit, we will continue to put out the numerous fires that are started because of it. We will continue to use our human efforts to wipe up the messes we leave behind but never solve the problem that caused the messes in the first place.

And just like we “accidentally” found those baby mice, if we pray with a heart that truly longs to know, then God will show us sin in areas we never even dreamed there was any.

Some of us leave many openings for sin to invade our souls. We have ungodly friends, we pour wretched, sin-filled entertainment into our minds, and we go to places and participate in activities that are full of worldly temptation.

Others of us work really hard to keep ourselves locked up as tight as possible from the sin that can destroy. And we do so by keeping ourselves in God’s Word. We pray. We discern. But we can never rest. Sin is like that mouse–there is almost always a way in. We can never let our guards down.

On our camping trip this past weekend, our camper was mouse-free. We are thankful, but we will not rest. We will continue to give our efforts to keeping our living space free of rodents and other creatures.

We need to give as much (or more) effort to keeping our lives sin-free.

Wednesday Wisdom: A Well in the Wilderness

2 Comments / August 28, 2013 August 28, 2013

I received a bit of bad news regarding my health last week. Oh, it could have been much worse, but it was certainly discouraging to say the least. As I have been processing the ramifications of the news, I shared my discouragement with my sister-in-law. She sent me this. It is written by Susannah Spurgeon, wife of the famous C.H. Spurgeon. After doing a little investigating, I found out that Susannah became an invalid around the age of 33. This is an amazing testimony of faith. May we all have this attitude in the midst of trials.

“It shall not seem hard unto thee.”—Deut. xv. 18.

DEAR LORD, I have this morning lighted upon one of the secret springs of sweet waters; an ancient, hidden well in the wilderness, which Thy love, as it were, kept covered up and concealed, till my great need moved Thee to open my eyes to discover it. How precious has Thy thought been to me, Oh Lord! How strengthening and refreshing are these “cold waters to a thirsty soul,” which Thou hast thus made to break forth in a strange place! For I thought I was suffering a hard thing, Lord, in the dealings and discipline which Thou hast seen necessary for me; and, though Thy grace kept me from openly murmuring and complaining, my inner self constantly cried out, “This is hard, Lord, this is very hard.”

But now Thou sayest, “No, My child, it must not even seem hard unto thee. Thy trust in Me should be so perfect, thy faith in My love so strong, thy obedience to My will so complete, that nothing should seem grievous which I appoint, no trial that I send should affright or overwhelm thee. Have I not always been to thee ‘a very present help in trouble’? “Lord, my heart says, “Amen!” to Thy gracious words, and then trusts Thee to work all this loving obedience in me by Thine own mighty power.

“IT shall not seem hard unto thee.” The peculiar trial through which I may now be passing, is the very “it” which must not seem hard to me. God’s bow is never drawn at a venture; He makes no mistakes, either in telling the number of the stars, or in meting out to me the griefs which shall teach me to glorify Him. And, dear reader, if you would find comfort from the words which so comforted me, you must look upon your present trouble, whatever it may be, and say, “Lord, this shall not seem hard to me, for I have received so much bounty and blessing from Thee, I have known so much of Thy pity and pardoning love, that I dare not mistrust Thee, or question for a moment the Divine wisdom of Thy dealings with me.” Ah! our eyes are so dimmed by earth’s fogs and shadows that we cannot see clearly enough to distinguish good from evil and if left to ourselves, might embrace a curse rather than a blessing. Poor purblind mortals that we are, it is well for us that our Master should choose our trials for us, even though to our imperfect vision He seems sometimes to have appointed a hard thing.

III that God blesses turns to good,

While unblest good is ill,

And all is right that seems most wrong,

If it be His sweet will.”

Yes, it is in absolute and loving surrender to the will of the Lord that the secret of true rest and peace is found. This is the alchemy which turns earth’s sorrows into Heaven’s blessings; here is the antidote to every sting, the cure-all of each care, the unfailing remedy for all disquietude. Dear Lord, if I am Thy child, trusting, loving, obeying Thee, how can Thy will for me seem “hard”? Nay, rather, I should joyfully meet and welcome it, well knowing that Thy love to me could only send a message of peace, however dark might be the envelope which enwrapped it.

This comfort cannot apply to troubles which we make for ourselves, and which we sometimes glorify into spiritual hardships, when they are really selfish sins; these are not God’s will for us, but our own perverse way, and they bring nothing better than bitterness and tears. But a God-given burden or sorrow, carried out into the sunshine of His love, and laid at His blessed feet, immediately loses all its “hardness”, and is transformed into a blessing, for which our soul praises the Lord with tender thanksgiving.

“It shall not seem hard unto thee.” Ah! dear Master, it must grievously pain Thy loving heart when we, Thine own redeemed ones, think any of Thy dealings with us harsh or stern. Thou hast loved us from everlasting, Thou didst not spare Thine own Son when a ransom was required for our souls, Thou hast led us, and fed us, and cared for us all our life long; can we be so wicked and ungrateful as to deem anything “hard” which Thy wisdom and love appoint?

“It shall not seem hard unto thee” Since this precious text rippled from the pages of God’s Word, like “a brook by the way,” I have been drinking of its waters with great joy! and when a trouble, great or small, oppresses my soul, and causes my heart to faint within me, I take another draught from this sweet spring, and soon am ready to say, ” ‘Tis no longer hard, Lord, for ‘I am filled with comfort, I am exceeding joyful in all our tribulation.’ ”

Taking advantage of grace

2 Comments / August 19, 2013 August 19, 2013

It was a beautiful day to be at the art show. My eyes took in the creativity around me. There were simple folk-art items and detailed oil paintings. There were homemade handbags and clever metal sculptures. But it was the exquisitely crafted jewelry that caught my eye and drew me into the booths. I am always looking for the “perfect” pair of earrings. I never find them, but I keep looking. It was at just one such booth that I found myself having a pleasant conversation with the artist and her husband. Her work was beautiful but very expensive. I browsed with no intent to buy. I complimented her on her talent. The conversation went something like this–

Me: “Your work is beautiful.”

Artist: “Thank you!”

Man (with friendly smile): “You are welcome to try on any piece.”

Me (laughing): “Oh, my. Thank you but my husband would kill me if I spent that much on a piece of jewelry!” (I was slightly exaggerating with this statement).

Man (half-joking): “Well, you do know it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.”

Me (still laughing but very serious): “Not if you want a happy marriage.”

After a bit more banter, I walked away. But I couldn’t help thinking more on his joke about how to get my own way.

I could have bought a piece of that lovely jewelry. My husband, while he would have been a bit upset with me, would have quickly gotten over it. It would not have destroyed our marriage and probably would not have even destroyed our day. But I love him more than that. I want his permission and his blessing and I seek both before spending a large amount of money. He does the same with me. We do this because we love each other.

As I mulled this conversation over in my mind a few hours later, a light bulb came on in my head.

We do this with God all the time.

We want our own way. And, yet, we know in scripture that what we want is forbidden. We know God has either expressly forbidden the exact action or that He hates the sin that is associated with the particular activity we would like to participate in. But we go ahead and do it, anyway.

Because it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

We can get our own way, be forgiven, and we honestly believe that all is well.

But is it?

If I would have bought that necklace against my husband’s wishes, it would have symbolized that something is not quite right in our relationship. It would have been a sign that I consider my wants and desires more important than his. And I would have been taking advantage of the grace and forgiveness I knew that he would have extended under the circumstances.

This same principle can be applied to our relationship with Christ. When we involve ourselves in sin of any kind on purpose, we are telling Christ that we don’t care about his desires. We are saying that our desires are number one. And we are taking advantage of his grace and forgiveness.

But let’s not forget: True love does not take advantage.

You know, according to the modern church, many things fall under the “gray” area in the Christian life today. Movies, music, dancing, gambling, personal debt, and drinking are some of the many things that fall under the wide, expansive “gray” area that is “permissible for some Christians but not for others.”

But is there actually this big “gray” area or is there simply a church taking advantage of God’s grace? A bunch of people who say they love Christ with their mouths but it never quite reaches their hearts?

I am reminded of something I read the other day–

“It is amazing how clear lifestyle issues–often called gray areas by many believers–become when examined against the commitment to be thoroughly Christ-centered.” (Jim Berg)

Love and commitment truly do bring clarity to these areas of our lives. We either show our love for our Savior with our choices or we don’t. There isn’t much in between.

And if we all are honest with ourselves, we know whether or not the TV show we watched last night or the music that we listened to on the way to work or the book we finished last night was pleasing to God. We know if the words we spoke to our spouse before they left this morning or the way we handled the accidentally spilled juice last night was pleasing to Him. We know if what we ate, drank, and played yesterday was glorifying to God or it wasn’t.

Oh, we will never be sinless and we will constantly be confessing and asking for forgiveness. And God’s marvelous grace is available for those moments. But as we grow in Christ, our desire to willingly do something that we know will not please Him should grow weaker and weaker. Our desire for sin will diminish as our love for Him grows.

Our choices are the evidence of just how close our relationship is with the Savior. But most Christians today are not interested in hearing this. Instead, we want to do our own thing and be forgiven for it. We want to take advantage of grace. When you really stop to think about it, that is a pretty tragic thought.

Yes, it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask permission but that is not love.

Should a Christian Be Depressed?

6 Comments / August 15, 2013 August 15, 2013

The pit was dark and it encompassed me. When I made an effort to climb out, I couldn’t find anything on which to grip and I’d slide back down, landing in a crumpled heap in the enveloping blackness. No, it wasn’t a physical pit. It was an emotional one. And I stayed there for a couple of weeks. The first time it happened, I didn’t understand. I was a Christian! I was fully aware of God’s amazing sacrifice for my sinful self and what that means for me. And not only that– I was so blessed. I had every physical need met, my kids were doing well, my husband loves me, my family was in good health. I had NO RIGHT to be depressed. And, yet, here I was. Stuck in a pit so deep I was finding it hard to make my way out.

I had to ask the question: Is it okay for a Christian to be depressed?

I have been thinking about this since that first happened to me. And I have come to the conclusion that the answer isn’t a simple yes or no. In my case, I learned that it had to do with my hormones. When it happened the second time I wasn’t quite as taken unawares and could remind myself that it will end. Some people aren’t quite so fortunate and battle against this for weeks…months…even years. For some, it is the symptom of hurt from long ago buried deep within the mind. It could also be the outcome of unrepented sin. While I don’t have a high opinion of human psychology (and this was one of my majors in college so I know quite a bit about this particular subject), I do believe there is a place for solid biblical counseling. For others, there may be a medical issue. Why would’t our brains have some legitimate problems, just like our hearts, our stomachs, and our kidneys?

I don’t claim to have the answer to this question. I believe it is so multi-faceted that it needs to be answered on a case by case basis. In my case, I believe God is using these times to shape me and mold me, teaching me to turn to Him in those dark moments and to control my thought life. Many of you can’t understand this, but controlling my thought life in those times is like moving a rock that weighs a million tons. And so I can see how God is using these times to make me more mature spiritually.

But let’s move beyond the original question.

Let’s move on to the lack of compassion many of us Christians have for our fellow brothers and sisters that find themselves in this dark pit of depression. Many of us stand back and criticize those who are in this battle. We are like schoolchildren, making fun of something we don’t understand. Instead of coming alongside and supporting them, we stand back and point fingers and gossip.

This is not right.

As believers, we are to weep with those that weep (Romans 12:15). We are to encourage one another (I Thessalonians 5:11). Look, sometimes we can see that the suffering person truly does need to work through some sin or past hurt in their life. They may even need genuine salvation. There is a place for loving confrontation. My point is this: there is never a place for judgment and a critical heart towards those that suffer with this incomprehensible condition.

Until it happened to me, I was one of those. I would think: Just snap out of it, for goodness’ sake. I wouldn’t say it. I would just think it. I didn’t get it.

And then I fell into the pit myself.

All of a sudden that is what my family members were saying to me. Snap out of it. You don’t have anything to be depressed about.

They weren’t telling me anything I didn’t already know.

This topic is sticky. So sticky. There is sin involved…sometimes. But sometimes it is truly hormonal or medical. May I encourage all of us to come alongside and encourage and pray for our brothers and sisters that find themselves fighting depression, rather than pointing fingers and gossiping about something we have a hard time understanding? Life is hard. We need each others’ support, no matter what battle the Lord allows in our lives.

Spilling the Oil

Leave a Comment / August 8, 2013 August 8, 2013

I searched the mail for the package I was awaiting. Yes, there it was! I grabbed it in anticipation. I had ordered some peppermint essential oil, a key ingredient for a lot of the homemade cleaning supplies and personal care items I make. I carefully lifted the well-wrapped container from the brown box. As I tried to remove the bubble wrap surrounding the container it slipped from my hands. I watched it fall to the floor. It broke into many pieces and the precious oil spilled all over my kitchen floor.

Yes, I could buy another bottle (and I did), but it was still annoying and also a waste of money.

You see, when that peppermint oil left my hand and broke on the floor, I was never going to get that bottle back. I could order another bottle, but I’d never get that particular bottle back.

It reminds me of the years we have with our children. I think I am especially thinking about that as I see my kids growing into young adults who are ready to begin their own lives. Suddenly, I am here at this place and I realize that those precious years are over, spilled out and surrounding me with thousands of incredible memories, daunting failures, and even some wonderful triumphs.

It can haunt me if I think on it too much. Sometimes the kids would ask me to play a game with them or I’d know that I should discipline one of them for something and I’d put it off, thinking to myself there would always be tomorrow. But then one day there is no longer any tomorrow. They have grown up and the relationship has changed.

But it isn’t just in the area of children that this is tempting. Perhaps it is who we were before we became a believer that we regret. Or maybe it’s a bad financial decision or a tragedy that we didn’t see coming and just can’t get over. Maybe it’s a broken relationship that we can’t get past, still a spilled mess that we can’t seem to garner the energy to clean up. It may even be the “good old days” that keep us from living fully in the now. We just miss what was and can’t seem to get ourselves back to the future.

I could have stood there and mourned that lost bottle for hours. But what good would that have done? Staring at the strong-smelling contents spreading across my floor wouldn’t have made any difference in the world, except to encourage me in my sadness and regret.

But in getting a towel and wiping it up, leaving the pleasant peppermint aroma behind as a reminder, and then heading to the computer to order another one, I made a purposeful decision to move on from that mistake and start again.

I guess that is how it is with life, too. No, I can’t go back and change my actions with my small children, but I can embrace these moments I have now. After all, that is all we are really guaranteed, isn’t it? We can’t change the decisions, the circumstances, and the hearts of others. So, instead, we need to wipe up the mess, leaving the pleasant aroma of memories behind so that we don’t forget, and move on.

Looking back to the past can be very tempting. And a moment or two of nostalgia is okay, but it never does anyone any good to stay there for long, does it?

While we should appreciate our pasts and the events and people who have shaped us, we need to keep our faces turned forward and grab hold of what the Lord has for us next.

The “Good” Lady

2 Comments / July 29, 2013 July 28, 2013

We sat there chatting. She was telling me about her job at the local casino. She asked me if I ever go there? I paused for only a moment and then said, “No, I don’t gamble.” She continued on to tell me that it is not necessary to enjoy gambling to go there. The casino has a live band each weekend and of course, there is a bar there. I hesitantly informed her that I don’t drink or dance, so that probably wouldn’t be a good fit for me. She laughed and said, “Oh, so you’re a good lady.”

I almost laughed outright. Me? Good? No, not so much.

And right there and then, God gave me the opportunity to share what He has done in my life. I told her that I am a sinner just like anybody else, but that He has saved me and that it is my honor and duty to please Him with my activities. (I am not sure it was quite that concisely or smoothly, as my heart was beating fiercely as I spoke!)

She changed the subject.

I thanked the Lord for the chance to perhaps plant a seed.

But it got me thinking about how there is this thought among a lot of people that if you do certain things you are “good” and if you do other things you are “bad”.

Let’s be honest, we are all sinners. It is about our heart and the motive behind our actions. Sin comes in many ways besides the most obvious. We can have sins that occur only in our minds– selfish, angry thoughts; envious, jealous thoughts; hateful, bitter thoughts. No one sees, but we are still sinning. We can have the most awesome accomplishments in the world, done out of purely selfish motives, and we are still sinning.

And so, I hope as you read blogs and best sellers, you don’t idolize the author. And as you listen to preachers or radio broadcasts that you don’t idolize the speaker. They are a human sinner, just as we all are. Our goal should be to be like Jesus. And the only way to truly understand Jesus is to read and know God’s Word. Only then we will truly get that Jesus was the perfect example of balancing Truth and love, that Jesus predicted we would be hated by the world, and that Jesus encouraged us to love God and others above self. He taught us to live sacrificial lives and to put God’s Will as our primary priority. And this is just scratching the surface. There is so much in the Bible that shows us how to be Christlike in our attitudes and our behavior.

It is important that we don’t idolize human beings. Oh, it’s good to find mentors and godly men and women to respect. But don’t make them your ultimate model, so that if they fail, you are crushed and all trust in God is destroyed. That is never healthy.

Jesus is our ultimate model–the Jesus of the Bible. The world and even the modern-day church has created a “Jesus” to meet their own selfish, worldly desires. Let’s know the Jesus of the Bible, so that we can grow a little bit more like Him each day!

The Danger of the Internet

2 Comments / July 25, 2013 July 31, 2013

Did you think I was going to talk about pornography when you read the title? Pornography definitely is a growing and serious danger in this culture where absolutes barely exist in the mind of most and the internet make it very, very accessible. It has destroyed thousands–maybe tens of thousands–of marriages.

Or maybe you read the title and you thought I was going to talk about the danger of online buying and how now, at the press of a button, we can buy almost anything our heart desires, as long as we have a big enough credit line. This, too, is a danger and we need to be on guard to be good stewards of the material possessions God has put in our care.

But I think one of the biggest dangers and most deadly for many Christians is the temptation to compare. You see, when I was growing up, I didn’t know (or need to know) what was going on in anybody’s life outside my family and close circle of friends. Oh, I might have heard about someone’s exciting job promotion or dramatic weight loss through the grapevine, but it wasn’t part of my everyday existence.

But, alas, came the birth of Facebook and suddenly people are posting all that is good about themselves. We want to present our best side to the public and so most of us post about the good things we are doing and the exciting, positive happenings of our lives. And, of course, this is the natural thing to do, and I am not saying it is bad (please be sure to understand that).

Blogs and Pinterest are also danger zones in this temptation for comparison. We see the amazing, incredible creations of others or the business accomplishments they have had or the homestead they have created or the amazing interior decorating or even the huge amount of followers they have and we grow dissatisfied and envious.

It is very, very tempting to compare and become unhappy when we dwell on what we can’t do or don’t have. We have to be so careful to keep a proper perspective if we are investing our time in viewing these sites, because envying isn’t doing anyone any good (and it is also a sin! Exodus 20:17).

God has given each of us certain gifts and talents. He has given us each different body types. We have been blessed with different types of families. We have different tastes in style, food, and hobbies.

Some husbands are romantic. Others are not.

Some kids do fabulous things for Mother’s Day. Others do not.

Some people have the resources to take fantastic vacations. Others do not.

Some people are naturally thin. Others are not.

Some have kids who always win awards. Others do not.

Some have amazing, interesting jobs. Others do not.

Some are amazingly talented and crafty. Others are not.

I have occasionally found myself envying someone on the screen. I have to catch myself and make an intentional decision to be happy for them. This is not always easy for me (am I alone here?) as I try to tell myself that they certainly have their own struggles and that the grass is not always greener on the other side. And, as a Christian, it is my job to rejoice with them! But sometimes it is hard. Especially if it is an area I am struggling in. God continues to work in my heart in this area.

You see, it is a heart issue. We need to learn to be content in all circumstances (Philippians 4:11) and then, and only then, can we visit Facebook or Pinterest or any other site with an open heart to learn something or to rejoice with others, instead of being filled with that dreaded sense of envy and jealousy.

This is linked up here :)