Parenting – Page 16 – Growing 4 Life

Lust and Love

6 Comments / July 30, 2012 July 30, 2012

1340661_42925738 — In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. I Timothy 2:9-10

“If you’re an adult male, you cannot deny the power of a flash of flesh to draw your attention. A too-short skirt. A hint of cleavage. It’s really an incredible force of nature. Most women understand that a revealing outfit brings a certain amount of attraction from males, but they have no idea how much power they really have. Every man reading this is well aware of that power.” **

As I came upon this paragraph, I realized exactly why it is so important for women to dress modestly and, just as importantly, why it is so critical for Dads to share this information with their daughters.

I have given God many excuses as to why I can’t write on this particular topic – I will offend – I will be viewed as legalistic – Some of my friends and their daughters dress inappropriately – My three daughters and I are guilty of immodesty ourselves, at times. Please, no, God, don’t ask me to write on this topic. But He would not let me go, so here is the post I have been dreading to write for at least a year.

As usual, this summer has brought skirts and shorts that are too short, shirts that give way more than just a hint of cleavage, and bikinis that leave very little to the imagination. I think the saddest thing of all is that there there is very little – if any- difference between Christian and non-Christian women when it comes to how we dress. I see facebook pictures of Christian young women displaying their almost naked bodies. We can find half-exposed breasts and long, sexy legs in church services and at weddings. And, even more surprisingly, no one seems to be sounding the alarm that this isn’t appropriate.

I wonder if so many of us women do not truly realize what our immodest dress does to the men around us? Do we realize that we are tempting them to lust by not properly covering ourselves? I submit to you that this is not showing love to our fellow Christian brothers, but instead throwing temptation in their faces and just expecting them to deal with it.

And I would like to especially challenge Fathers of teen-aged girls. You, of all people, know what goes through the mind of a male who sees an improperly clothed woman. Why do you let your teen-aged girls go out half-dressed? Sure, if you ask them to change they may get mad and stomp off but many years later they will thank you from the bottom of their hearts. Parenting is tough, but we can’t give in. We need to protect our girls, their reputations, and the hearts and minds of the young men in their company. Many are the conversations my husband has had with our three girls – asking them to change – telling them why – never giving up on protecting them and the young men in their company. I feel so incredibly blessed to have a husband who is honest with them about this difficult topic.

Some men will say they are not tempted by immodestly dressed women. And maybe the culture is so inundated and flooded with sexual messages that it is true. But I doubt it. I would guess that they are not telling the truth. I watch men turn their heads and pay attention. I know the constant attention given by the men in my life to turn away, trying not to turn back for a second glance, because of where their thoughts will go.

Ladies, do we really want to be guilty of this? Do we want to be the cause of a man’s lust because we didn’t dress modestly? And exactly how is that showing the love of Christ to those around us? How is this type of dress bringing glory to Jesus Christ, the one who died to save us? God commands us to be modest and I believe that one of the main reasons for that command is to protect our dear Christian brothers and the wives (our sisters in Christ) that are married to them.

I know that a few of you will agree with me as you read this post; a couple more may give what I have written here some thought; but my fear is that most of you will think I am off of my rocker for even bringing this up. In all circles of my life I find little consideration is given to this subject. No one seems to care anymore. But perhaps it would be good for all of us to humbly ask God if our attitude about how we dress is the attitude He would want us to have. Even I, as I write this, find myself thinking about a few things I need to get rid of in my closet.

You see, this isn’t about rules – Thou Shalt Not wear such and such. This is about an attitude of submission to God and love for our fellow man. As Christian women, we are called to express our Christian love by keeping ourselves properly covered. As parents, we have the responsibility to teach this important principle to our girls. Are we inciting lust or showing love by how we dress? It is certainly something to think about.

** Excerpt taken from 52 Things Wives Need From Their Husbands by Jay Payleitner

Wise Words #4: He Is With You

Leave a Comment / July 11, 2012 July 11, 2012

One of the songs that has meant so much to me during some very difficult times has been this song by Mandisa, entitled “He Is With You”. I remember being in tears by the end of hearing it the first time. God used this song to remind me that He is always with me. Even when I feel lonely or frightened or hopeless, I am not alone. God is with me always. How blessed we are to have a supernatural source of comfort and strength if we are one of His children. May we never forget it. I have attached a link to listen to the song on YouTube after the lyrics. It’s a great video, so I hope you take a moment to watch it.

There’s a time to live
And a time to die
There’s a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There’s a time for war
And a time for peace
There’s a hand to hold
In the worst of these
In the worst of these

Chorus:
He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can’t even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn’t kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby’s gone
And your house is still and your heart’s a stone
Cryin’ God, what’d you do that for?
He is with you

There’s a time for yes
And a time for no
There’s a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There’s a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this

Chorus:
He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don’t know you anymore
And he is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don’t know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you

We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light

Chorus:
He is with you when your kids are grown
When there’s too much space and you feel alone
And you’re worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you’ve given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you

When nothing else is left
And you take your final breath
He is with you

Watch on YouTube: He is With You by Mandisa

Finding a Better Place

Leave a Comment / July 5, 2012 July 5, 2012

Last night a big gang of us went to watch fireworks. We decided the best place to watch was the parking lot of a nearby historical society. Apparently everyone else thought that, too. But we found a place to park and joined the crowd. With blankets and chairs in tow, we scoped the area for the best place to sit. Most of the grassy area was taken, but we found one we thought would be okay, despite the big building directly in front of us. Oh, well. We settled down to wait for the show.

A few minutes later, one of the guys decided he was going to search for a better spot and off went a group of them. A few minutes later my daughter ran back and breathlessly told us that we should all follow her, where across the parking lot and behind a building, was the perfect hill to watch the fireworks.

So off we all went with our stuff, down the hill, across the parking lot, and around the building — to the perfect hillside. Most people hadn’t ventured that far and so there was only a couple of other parties of people in the area. And guess what? It was a great place to watch the fireworks. Probably the best place we’ve sat at in years…maybe ever.

This is the perfect picture of why I write this blog! I was thinking about it this morning. So often we are tempted to just settle. We are tired of the weight battle, we are tired of the kid battle, we are tired of the entertainment battle. We are tired of battles! So we just settle. We don’t want to work now for shadowy rewards to come later. We want our rewards now. And so we stay right where we are, taking the easy path. But the easy path doesn’t always lead to the best place to watch the show. In fact, I would venture to say it never leads to the best place to watch the show.

And some of us really do want to take the hard path, but then peer pressure weighs us down. As I think on last night, I realize that if a few of us would have dug our heals in and said we weren’t leaving our spot, the whole group probably would have stayed put. Thankfully, everyone was willing to walk to the better spot last night. But, unfortunately, when it comes to real life, we often need to travel on alone in order to take the best path.

Paul tells us in I Corinthians 9: Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring itinto subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.

We can’t afford to be tired or pressured by our friends because we are running the race to win! And the rewards are great if we don’t give up — a healthy body, children who love the Lord, a pure heart and mind, but, most importantly, the imperishable crown we will receive in glory.

Do you remember Aesop’s fable about the tortoise and the hare? I know the point of that is that slow and steady wins the race, but I would like to point out here that the tortoise never took a break, either. He just kept plugging away without getting distracted or giving in to his exhaustion. May we be like the tortoise today, as we continue to run the race set before us, always looking for ways to run it better and never giving up! May we never settle for status quo!

Drifting…

2 Comments / July 2, 2012 July 23, 2014

We were enjoying a day at Assateague Island. It is a beautiful, family-oriented beach complete with wild ponies, although we didn’t see any that particular day. We trudged through the sand, looking for a good place to set up. We found one fairly close to the lifeguard, which made us all feel a bit safer, as the surf was in fine form that day. It didn’t take long for the kids to grab their boogie boards and start riding waves. I took my sand chair down to the water’s edge and set up for one of my favorite activities at the beach: people-watching.

Now, if you are a mom you have the art of “ocean scanning” down to a science. Scanning and counting…scanning and counting…over and over again. There’s one…two…there’s kid three…and (sigh of relief) the fourth. I count over and over, making sure they are all safe several times each hour. This started when they were small and even though two are now classified as adults officially, the “mom instinct” doesn’t quit and I am still counting to four several times each hour when we are all together.

This particular day, I got distracted in my people-watching and hadn’t “counted” for awhile. When I finally looked up to start scanning once again, I didn’t see anyone familiar in front of me. My eyes strayed further down the beach and there I spotted our group, several hundred yards away from where they had started. They had drifted, unknowingly, down the beach, away from the lifeguard.

This is such a great picture to what happens to us in life if we aren’t careful. It may be in our marriage, where small selfish decisions become larger and more frequent until we find that we have drifted into indifference. Or perhaps it is our listening and watching habits, where a lack of discernment finds us drifting further and further into the cesspool of what is the American entertainment industry. Or it may be the lure of materialism, where we find ourselves buying “one more thing” and trying to convince ourselves that we will be content, only to find ourselves drifting further and further away from contentment. Drifting is how affairs get started, how relationships break down, and often why our kids walk away from the Lord. We think this one time…this one thing…this won’t hurt. But the next time, it’s so much easier to rationalize once again. And it gets easier and easier. Drifting is a dangerous business.

The only way to keep from drifting is to never let our guards down. Ever. We are to be a watchman for our own lives and for our children. Yes, it is exhausting. It is hard work. And it is time-consuming. But if we are true believers and desire to obey God’s Word, it is required. Too easily, we humans drift into bad habits and dangerous places. Before we know it, we drift away from the lifeguard and the safe place He has provided for those who live in obedience and we move into dangerous territory filled with sharp rocks, giant waves, and dangerous undercurrents. We rarely come away unscathed when we drift away from safety.

Drifting is a natural occurrence. It is only through knowing and obeying God’s word that we can we keep from drifting. It is only through diligent and purposeful examination of each choice we make that we can stay in the vicinity of our Lifeguard. Perhaps we should all examine how close we are to the Lifeguard this day and if we find ourselves far down the beach, may we ask the Lord humbly and sincerely to carry us back to safety.

Hebrews 2:1 Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.

I Corinthians 16:13 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.

The Reign of Incompetence

Leave a Comment / June 28, 2012 June 28, 2012

“Ummm…just a second…I will go check.” The young man who was on the phone with my husband was less than unsure. Eric impatiently waited as the young man went to look for the needed item. When he came back he stammered out an explanation of the item in his hand. That is when Eric realized that he didn’t even have a clue what he was looking for.

Now, you might think that we are being awfully hard on this young man, but the fact of the matter is, what Eric needed was a very basic item found in a hardware store. He should have been able to call and get a quick yes or no. But, instead, he ended up on the phone with someone who was incompetent.

A few weeks later we went out to eat and fell into the hands of an incompetent waitress. She was a pleasant girl, but seemed to be struggling with the very basics of her job. It was a frustrating meal, as we all would try to catch her attention and she wouldn’t even look our way.

We all run into incompetent people now and again, but am I the only one who feels like it is becoming more and more often? So what can we do?

First, we should realize that the clueless person is a person with feelings. Chances are they were thrown into the job without proper training. Or perhaps they are trying to do a job for which they are not suitable. Hopefully, they figure that out sooner rather than later, but our rudeness isn’t going to help them either way. And, as a Christian, we are responsible to treat them with courtesy and kindness, no matter how frustrated we may be (so much easier to write than to do!)

And then, second, I can’t help but think that we, as believers, should never be found to be incompetent. Oh, I know that there are those beginning days of a new job when we are uncertain about things. But we should learn as quickly as we can, always thinking about the next thing, and working hard to know the job. Colossians 3:23-24 are two of my favorite verses. They say: And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.

As believers, we are to do all we do with our best effort, for we are serving the Lord, not men. This is hard to remember when you are in a job atmosphere where workers slack off when the boss isn’t around. Or where there is great laziness and disinterest in the job. But, as believers, we are called by God to be competent, diligent, and hard-working, despite the crowd around us.

And, just a word of caution, this is not the popular thing to do. Oh, your boss will love it (if you don’t have an incompetent, lazy boss who is worried about you surpassing him!) but your co-workers may grow resentful; they may even call you names. Be prepared. Doing what God calls us to in all aspects of life isn’t always easy. In fact, I would venture to say it is usually the rockier route to travel.

And, finally, as parents, business owners, and teachers, let’s work hard to instill this passion for doing the best job we can into our children, employees, and students. Let’s expect competence and diligence from them. Let’s encourage their hearts, while demanding excellence. It is up to us to train the next generation. How are we going to do that if we lazily do our own thing? We have a responsibility and we need to take it seriously.

Incompetence may reign in our culture – but it doesn’t need to reign in the lives of ourselves or our families. Let’s show that we are different because we serve the Lord. Are you ready to travel the rocky path and do what’s right, no matter the cost?

Java Joe’s and the Death of a Dream

2 Comments / June 25, 2012 March 19, 2017

There is an old brick house we pass each year on the way to the beach. One year I saw that this house had become Java Joe’s, an adorable little coffee house. It looked like a great place to enjoy a cup of coffee with a friend and I wished I live closer. But then I noticed a year or two later that Java Joe’s looked deserted. I wondered why it looked closed on a weekday. It seemed so odd. And then last week, on our way to the beach, we passed it again and saw that the building is for sale. Sadly, I realized that the cute little coffee shop is no longer in existence.

My thoughts turned towards the owner who first dreamed of opening a coffee shop someday. I imagined how he must have found the proper piece of real estate to make his dream come true. He probably excitedly prepared plans to turn the old house into a coffee shop and was filled with anticipation as opening day approached. I wondered if the first few months were all he hoped or if it seemed destined for failure from the beginning? This owner had a dream and he went for it! But the dream died the day Java Joe’s closed permanently. Perhaps the owner moved on to bigger and better dreams or maybe he gave up and still bares the scars of his dead dream. I don’t really have any way of knowing.

But I guess all of us have had to say good-bye to dreams at one time or another. They are hard, hard moments. Perhaps it is a wayward child entrapped in a life of abuse. Or a failed business that we poured our heart and soul into. Maybe we have never found Mr. or Miss Right and we have had to say good-bye to our dreams of marriage and family. For some of us, our children will never know their grandparents due to an untimely death. For others of us, we are finding it impossible to have a family at all because of infertility issues or the children we do have are handicapped in some way and their future isn’t what we longed for for our child. Perhaps we suffer with a chronic illness and have had to realize we can’t do what we had always dreamed of. And many have said good-bye to their fairy tale dreams of the perfect marriage while they flounder in the real world of being married to a sinner. So many dream deaths. So many tears. So much sadness. If you have lived on this fallen earth then you have had to say goodbye to a dream.

How do we handle the death of our dreams–especially the ones that we hold so near and dear to our heart? Oftentimes, the disappointment and lingering ramifications are invisible to others, making it even harder to work through it all. Most of us don’t share our deepest innermost feelings with the world and so we bare the pain and grief all alone. We are filled with a desire to shout out–

I am in mourning here! Why don’t you care?!?

But the world just keeps going on, business as usual. It doesn’t care. No one cares.

That is the lie we tell ourselves.

But is it true?

Eventually, if we are believers, we understand that it’s not true. That the God of the universe loves and cares for us (Psalm 55:22; I Peter 5:7). We remember that He is Sovereign and All-Powerful. We submit to His will and we make a purposeful choice to have a good attitude, asking Jesus to shine brightly through us, even through life’s disappointments. We choose to grow stronger, instead of bitter, when we have to say farewell to a precious dream.

Is it easy? Absolutely not.

Is it instant? No way.

But it is possible.

It is all a process of submission and leaning on the Lord for strength. We seldom remain unchanged when working through the death of a dream. The question to ask ourselves is this:

Will I become more like Christ or will I cave in to my bitter, hopeless feelings?

Paul tells us that all is loss, when compared to knowing Christ. I can’t honestly say that I feel that way all of the time but my goal is to grow to that place where I can say along with Paul:

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ (Philippians 3:8).

And so we remember, once again, that we are a tiny speck on the timeline of the universe. Smaller than a speck of dust. And we remember that God is God. He can see the whole timeline. And so we move forward, knowing that God is with us–even through the death of our dreams.

6 reasons to be thankful when following a (very) slow driver

6 Comments / June 14, 2012 November 4, 2017

This week I have found myself behind a plethora of slow drivers. They have included white-haired grandpas, distracted businessmen on cell phones, a new teen-aged driver, and even a granny on a motorcycle. After about the 10th time of being forced to go 10 (or 15!) miles per hour under the speed limit, I figured the Lord may be trying to teach me something. So I started thinking of reasons why I could actually be thankful for the slow (and, if I am honest, aggravating) driver ahead of me.

1. I am receiving a lesson in patience. Oh, how long will it take me to learn it? My brother once wisely said, “I refuse to let a slow or annoying driver steal my peace.” I find myself thinking of his words often.

2. I am enjoying treasured extra moments with my kids. Tonight while driving home at a snail’s pace, we talked about what to look for in a husband, what to do when our friends don’t agree with us, and why kids should go to youth group. We learn so much about each other and have wonderful conversations in the car. Slow drivers give us a few more of those special minutes.

3. I am receiving a lesson in time management. I am sure I am the only one who does this, but I have a bad habit of leaving my house without time to spare. If it takes 15 minutes to get where I am going and I need to be there at 7pm, I leave at 6:45pm. This adds considerable stress to my life if I find myself behind someone who is going really slow. I have not included this lost time in my calculations and it means I may be late! This lesson is having a difficult time making its way into my hard head!

4. I have the opportunity to listen to a podcast or uplifting music for a little while longer. We are so blessed with having wonderful Bible Teachers and hymns and worship music at the touch of a button. Does anyone remember the days when you had to move the record needle back to the song if you wanted to hear it twice? And the interminable waiting for our favorite songs or programs to come on the radio? I would even arrange my schedule around what time Focus on the Family was on the radio. Now we can choose our favorite song or preacher and worship while we lollygag behind the unhurried driver in front of us.

5. God may be protecting me from an accident up ahead. We can rest in His Sovereign plan that He knows best. And since He knows when a sparrow falls, He certainly knows my current situation.

6. Perhaps these few extra minutes are a gift to me for prayer and meditation on God’s Word. But instead, in my frustration, I usually end up fretting and fussing them away.

I wrote this list to help me personally. You may have complete and total patience when driving or you may even be the slow driver! But, on the outside chance that one of my readers also struggles with this issue, I decided to post it. Have a great day!

Facing the Music

Leave a Comment / May 31, 2012 May 31, 2012

A few months ago we were forced to get a new washer. I actually was fine with that, as I had hated my front loader from the day we got it. When I went shopping for a new washer I knew I wanted a top loader. I found a great washer but what they didn’t tell me in the store is that when the load is finished, I get to hear a little song. Not a buzzer or a bell, but a sweet (and rather annoying) little song.

The pleasant tune will play faithfully, not minding what I am doing–I can be in the middle of baking bread or writing or cleaning a closet. If the washer cycle is through, I will hear that song. And if I am going to have clean, fresh-smelling laundry I need to go to my washer as soon as I hear that song. Sometimes I am busy and I forget. Sometimes I am lazy and I think I will do it later and then forget. Or sometimes I am not home. But if I don’t “face the music”, the next time I go to my washer, I will have a musty smell coming from my washer and end up having to wash the same load all over again (have you ever done that or is it just me??)

Sounds a little bit like life, doesn’t it? Sometimes we hear an annoying little song in our relationships. They are warning signs we shouldn’t ignore, perhaps a husband who won’t talk to his wife, a wife who doesn’t like to spend time at home, a child that throws tantrums on a regular basis, a teen that hangs with the wrong friends, just to name a few. These signs signal us that there is a problem that we need to take care of. But we are often too busy or too lazy to worry about it. Or perhaps we have already checked out of the relationship and find ourselves indifferent (this is especially true in marriages and friendships).

Of course, oftentimes, we just aren’t sure what to do so we do nothing. I know exactly what to do when I hear the little song in my washer. I go to the washer and I move the wet laundry from the washer to the dryer. But relationships aren’t always so cut and dried, are they?

But one thing that is for sure: that annoying song probably won’t go away on its own. And it will probably get louder. Every divorce started with small steps in the wrong direction. Most rebellious teens showed signs years before the rebellion occurred. Most friendships showed signs of wear before a break was completely made.

Just like my washer cannot be ignored, neither can our relationships. We have a responsibility to do all we can to mend broken relationships. We need to look at ourselves – how do I need to change? We need to do all we can personally do to fix the problem. And all the while, we need to be committing it to prayer on a regular basis. It can be a painful, torturous process, but the reward is so worth it!

Let’s take necessary steps to do what we can to heal the problems we see in our relationships. Sure, we are only ever half of the equation. But we are half! Have a blessed day as you face the music in your life!

2 Thessalonians 3:13 But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good.

Thanks, Mom…

2 Comments / May 10, 2012 May 10, 2012

I have taken my mom for granted since…well, perhaps, forever. As a small child, I knew she would be there to take my temperature, rub my back in church, and play games with me. As I moved into being a teenager, I expected her to listen to me, to shop with me, and to let me borrow her car. When I became a young mother, I plied her with all types of questions on marriage and raising kids, always expecting her to be there for me. And guess what? She was. I am one of those incredibly blessed people who really has a great mom.

These days I ask her questions about how do deal with my teenagers and my middle-aged emotions. And my mom always has a wise answer that gives me encouragement and patience as I work through struggles. I always know I can count on her love and support. In the process of talking with my mom, she has become one of my very best friends.

Now that I am a mother, I better understand her love for me. I have a deeper understanding of the sacrifices she made all through the years for me. If you are a parent, you understand your mom’s love in a much fuller way, as well.

Mother’s Day is on Sunday. Have you contemplated recently on just how much your mom has done for you? Have you thought about how much she has sacrificed for you through the years?

Some of you may be screaming inside right now that YES, I have thought about that a lot! because you have lost your mother to cancer or an accident or to heart disease. You just wish you could have her back again to tell her how much you appreciate her.

And some of you are thinking NO, I don’t understand because you feel like your mother didn’t make many sacrifices for you and you felt bereft and abandoned much of your growing up years.

But so many of us are still blessed to have the support and encouragement of mothers on a daily basis. Moms who love us no matter how much we screw up. Moms who babysit for us. Moms who come in and clean for us or cook for us when we are going through a rough patch. Moms who buy us stuff. Moms who are there for us without fail.

If you are one of the blessed ones, let her know that you feel that way on Mother’s Day this year. Don’t let another year go by without giving her some honest and heartfelt appreciation for all she has done for you.

And, Mom, if you are reading this, thank you so much…for everything.

It’s a Choice.

Leave a Comment / May 3, 2012 May 3, 2016

Last night I kept waking up. Have you ever had one of those nights? First, it was an alarm that was accidentally set for 1:07am (how in the world did that happen?) and then came a storm (Oh, no! All of the computers are plugged in! And what about my young plants sitting on the porch?!) I hate nights like that. You wake up feeling like you haven’t slept at all. And you start thinking, “this is going to be a bad day.” That’s what I used to do, anyway. I would give myself license to be grumpy and short-tempered after I hadn’t slept well. But then came that night long ago…

It was one of those nights as a young mom that you dread. Yay! The baby fell asleep. You nod off…for 2 minutes…only to be awakened by a loud cry. Uugh. You head back to the baby’s room to pat her for 20 minutes. You tiptoe out of the room. The cry starts up again. You go back to pat her. She is finally asleep! This happens 2 or 3 more times through the night. Is the baby teething? Or is something wrong? Should I take her to the doctor tomorrow? The baby finally is asleep for the night and then your 3 year old has a nightmare. And so he climbs into bed with you and you feel like the middle of an oreo for the next couple of hours. As you lay there, tossing and turning, the problems of your life magnify and you grow fearful of how you are going to afford something or why someone said something hurtful to you or you worry that something is seriously wrong with the baby and you play it all out in your head. Have you ever had a night like that? They are dark and very long.

But morning light comes. And that morning long ago, after a night something like that, I awoke, took two seconds to remember that my night at been just awful, and knew then and there that this was going to be a terrible day. I could feel the “grumpiness” welling up inside me.

As I headed into the shower to try to wake up and stood there letting the hot water stream down over my body I suddenly had this thought (which I believe God gave me): “It’s a choice.”

What?! Again that thought: It’s a choice. You do not have to have a bad day just because you didn’t sleep well. But of course I do, I argued inside of my head. How in the world can I function on such a small amount of sleep? I am someone who needs 8 hours of sleep. You know that, God, because you designed me that way. If I don’t get 8 hours I get irritable and ill-tempered. But these words kept coming back: It’s a choice. And I stopped arguing because I knew that it was true.

I stepped out of that shower a different person than I went in. As silly as it sounds, I had never thought through the fact that, no matter what circumstances we want to blame our choices on, we do make a choice about whether we will be irritable or whether we will be considerate. We choose to be kind or we choose to be brusque in how we respond to others.

Now, I definitely still struggle with this. But that incident was a defining moment for me. I no longer blame my attitude on a lack of sleep. Because, clearly, I have a choice. And so, even thought I didn’t sleep well last night, I choose that this day will not be ruined by my bad night’s sleep!