The little girl’s eyes searched the faces of the waiting adults. She made a move towards me and then saw my young, beautiful daughter standing behind me. Her eyes lit up and she made a beeline for her. I watched several girls come out and do the same thing–always moving towards the young, beautiful girls in our group and always passing me by.
We were in Guatemala and we were ministering to orphans. I didn’t think they would care how I looked. But, of course, while they loved any attention they received from anyone, the young and pretty girls were a definite favorite among the little girls there.
I don’t blame them, quite honestly. I would rather hold the hand of one of them, too, if I was a child. But I have to admit, I felt hurt and rejected. Oh, I know they didn’t mean it intentionally. Not even a bit. But it hurt, nevertheless.
Thankfully, my daughter had been looking most forward to spending time holding the babies and so I spent most of my time in the baby house cradling little ones and playing with 2 year olds, who really don’t care what you look like as long as you are fun!
But what had happened to me with the little girls got me to thinking about the people that it happens to all of the time. The disabled, the ones that make us feel uncomfortable, the unlovely ones. Do they grow used to being passed by? Does it still hurt after it happens so often?
In the baby house where we spent most of our time, they have a few special needs kids. For the first few days, I felt uncomfortable and avoided all of them. But as I watched a lady from our team love on one of these little guys, I grew braver. What could it hurt to talk to them? The turning point came when I watched one of the “special moms” (this is what the caregivers are called) play peek-a-boo with a severely disabled 15 year-old boy named Alex. I watched his eyes light up as a big smile came over his face. And I realized that locked inside that boy was a real live person. He would laugh and tease his “special mom” by moving his head so that she would have to lift it up again. All the while, I could see by his expression that he was having a ball.
I reflected back on what had happened to me earlier that week. How was I any different than those little girls? I would make a beeline for the beautiful babies and the cute toddlers, barely glancing towards the special needs kids.
But I was given a gift that day. An important reminder of something we should never forget: every person has value, no matter what they look like or how unlovely (inside or out) they are. It is our job to love them, just like Jesus loves us.
After that day, I would always spend a little time with those three special needs boys. Oh, I was still a little uncomfortable– that did not just disappear–but I did it, anyway. And, little by little, it grew more natural for me to give a big smile and say hello.
I guess it will always be our human nature to run towards the lovely. But, while we are running, may we not forget that there is a person with feelings who knows we didn’t choose them…who stands there forlorn and broken as they get passed by one more time.
John 13:34 A new commandment I give you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are to love one another.
John 13:35By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.
John 15:12 This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
John 15:17 These things I command you, so that you will love one another.
We all have many choices in life. What shall I do with my life? Where should I send my child to school? Who should I marry? Should I buy this car? Life is filled with so many choices, it can be mind-boggling sometimes. Recently, our Bible Study started a book called Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. So, gratitude is a choice, too. Hmmm…I am not sure I like the sound of that! However, it is clear if we make a choice to be thankful, complaints and discouragement disappear and joy and peace come instead. It would appear that gratitude is a choice we can’t afford NOT to make! Perhaps this idea of being thankful is a bigger deal than we realized. It seemed, being it is Thanksgiving eve, very appropriate to share a few thought-provoking paragraphs from this book today–
Over the years, I have sought to make gratitude a way of life. And I have experienced many of the blessings that accompany the “attitude of gratitude.”
However, I’ve seen that if I am not ceaselessly vigilant about rejecting ingratitude and choosing gratitude, I all-too-easily get sucked into the undertow of life in a fallen world. I start focusing on what I don’t have that I want, or what I want that I don’t have. My life starts to feel hard, wearisome, and overwhelming.
At times, in the course of writing this book, I have allowed myself to get pulled back into that dangerous current. I have seen how a lack of gratifude manifests itself in fretting, complaining, and resenting–whether within the confines of my own thoughts or, worse yet, through venting those thoughts to others.
But in those moments when I have found myself gasping for air, feeling that I was going under, I’ve discovered that gratitude truly is my life preserver. Even in the most turbulent waters, choosing gratitude rescues me from myself and my runaway emotions. It buoys me on the grace of God and keeps me from drowning in what otherwise would be my natural bent toward doubt, negativity, discouragement, and anxiety.
Over time, choosing gratitude means choosing joy. But that choice doesn’t come without effort and intentionality. It’s a choice that requires constantly renewing my mind with the truth of God’s Word, setting my heart to savor God and His gifts, and disciplining my tongue to speak words that reflect His goodness and grace –until a grateful spirit becomes my reflexive response to all of life.
From Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. You can find it on Amazon here.
As you probably already know, I just recently got back from Guatemala. We had a wonderful time, but it was also a time of stepping out of my comfort zone in many ways. While I may appear adventurous for even going to some of you, I realized just how fearful I really am. It has to do with a tostada and the courage it took for me to eat it.
It was Sunday night. We had just spent a fascinating afternoon and evening with the families of the mountainside ghetto. I had been impressed with the Guatemalans and their incredible neatness despite their poverty-stricken conditions. They obviously worked hard and made use of what they had in creative ways. Their faces showed a warm welcome for the “gringos” that had come for a visit.
We had delivered some food and supplies to four families that were in desperate need and in each home we had heard each family’s story. Their stories were filled with things like not being able to find work and mud slides taking some of their homes with them. And yet, they smiled. Their pride and gracious hospitality in the midst of such dearth was a wonderful sight to see.
After we had climbed up and down the concrete pathways and steep steps, we had ended up at the bottom of the mountain side for a soccer game (gringos against the Guatemalans – who do you think won??) and two big candy-filled pinatas for the kids. We tried to talk to the people around us as best we could. I uttered short phrases like “¿Como se llama?” (what’s your name?) and “¿Cuantos anos?” (How old are you?) Not speaking the language was a considerable detriment and I found myself wishing that I had worked harder at re-learning the Spanish language before going.
As we sat and watched the soccer game, a young lady brought us tostadas covered with something that looked like guacamole. Now I am fairly adventurous, but eating something that comes from a ghetto where I don’t think hygiene is all that important is WAY outside my comfort zone, so I said a polite “No gracias”. She smiled at me and walked on. But a few minutes later, one of my team members said that our Guatemalan team leader had said we should never turn down anything they offer, as it is considered very rude in their culture.
I had a quick conversation in my mind with myself. Should I? Shouldn’t I? I thought of the travel magazines I read that highly recommend some of the street stands around the world for some of the best ethnic food. Surely, this couldn’t be a whole lot worse than a street stand? I didn’t want to end up sick, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to offend the woman who kindly offered it to me. I was aware of the sacrifice it took to even offer us gringos food. And, let’s be honest, when would I ever have the chance to eat a guacamole covered tostada in a Guatemalan ghetto ever again? And so I put my doubts aside and I bit into one of the most delicious things I have ever tasted. I don’t even like guacamole – at all. But this guacamole was absolutely wonderful. I ate it with relish.
And, surprisingly enough, no one got sick from the guacamole covered tostadas. Afterwards, as I shared my doubts with our leader, he assured us that he would not allow us to be offered anything that is not safe. I did feel better upon hearing that, but to tell you the truth, I felt so gratified that I had conquered my fear and stepped out in faith to eat something that I normally would not have touched.
Perhaps this happens in our lives in so many more ways than eating a strange food in the midst of a ghetto. Why do we so often let fear keep us from being our best selves? Why are we so scared to try something new or different–something that may really enrich our lives or, even more importantly, help us to become more like Christ? So often we hang in our comfortable zone, keeping our distance from anything that looks slightly threatening or out of our routine.
Eating the tostada may not seem like a big deal at all for some of you, but, for me, it was a step of faith. Sure, it was just a little thing, but sometimes we grow in our faith by conquering small fears before we can take on larger ones. Fear can quickly strangle us from living life in the most fulfilling way that God would have for us. It is so important that we don’t let it hinder us from doing God’s will and enjoying the blessings that so often come with that choice!
Well, I am all packed for my mission trip to Guatemala and have a few extra minutes. So I thought I would share a few of my favorite posts from the first year I started blogging. While I am away next week, I hope you enjoy reading these–
Tomorrow, my 17 year old daughter and I plan to leave for Guatemala to minister at an orphanage called Dorie’s Promise, run by Forever Changed International. I have taken a few mission trips before, but always with a team. This time I connected with an orphanage down in Guatemala City and made the decision for us to go down alone.
After making that decision, I felt great trepidation in my heart. I had found the orphanage on the internet. How could I even know it was legit? I actually considered canceling. But I had had a few conversations over the phone with the woman who had started the orphanage. I had been impressed. So we continued on with our plans, although I was still fearful.
But then God stepped in, like He so often does. Any given week, teams from all over the country go to this orphanage to minister. Incredibly, the week we are going is the same week a team is going from a church that is only an hour away from us! The team could have been from Houston or Seattle or Denver, but no, God in His graciousness put us with a team that is only an hour away from us. And so we got in touch with the leader who not only is going the same week, but has already been to the orphanage. We met for dinner and she filled us with enthusiasm for the upcoming trip. She had nothing but good to say about the orphanage.
I was thrilled and much relieved, to be honest.
Interestingly enough, the other thing that I was feeling extremely fearful about was going to an international airport alone. Our experience in the Port Au Prince airport last summer was absolutely frightening to us country bumpkins and I was terrified of a similar experience. Especially given that our men would not be there to protect us!
But God even stepped in there. The church team is actually taking the same flight from Houston as we are. Lord-willing, we will join the team in Houston to take the international flight. Isn’t God amazing to work out even the smallest details to comfort us?
And, so, it is with great anticipation that we look forward to our trip tomorrow. But it isn’t completely without fear. For my daughter and me to go so far away alone is a bit scary for me, if I am honest. And I never like being away from my family and so that part will be rather difficult, as well.
But then I think of Amy Carmichael, who left her safe and pleasant home in London to be a missionary, not for a week, but for a lifetime. Amy, who didn’t have comfortable (and speedy) airplanes to travel in, but instead crossed the ocean in a ship– a trip that took months and which often brought on terrible seasickness. And I read of the amazing ways God took care of her.
Ah, I am so pampered. It makes me feel weak and ridiculous. If Amy and I serve the same God, what should I fear?
With that said, I would covet your prayers this upcoming week. Pray not only for our health and safety, but please pray that we would be given opportunities to share the Gospel. For why feed their bellies, if we can’t feed their souls? Thank you so much for praying.
P.S. I don’t know if I’ll be able to make any posts on the blog next week, but I do plan to post photos and prayer requests on my Growing4Life facebook page, which you can “like” up in the right hand corner of this page.
During these uncertain days, I can’t help but turn to A.W. Tozer and read a few thoughts that he has to say on the arrogance of man and the plans of God, as written down in Revelation. I hope you enjoy these words from his book entitled “Jesus is Victor!” Let’s not forget that we know the ending of the story!
Living in this generation, we are fully aware that the competitive world and our selfish society have brought many new fears to the human race. I can empathize with those troubled beings who lie awake at night worrying about the possible destruction of the race through some evil, misguided use of the world’s store of nuclear weapons. The tragedy is that they have lost all sense of the sovereignty of God! I, too, would not sleep well if I could not trust moment by moment in God’s sovereignty and omnipotence and in His grace, mercy and faithfulness.
The prevailing attitudes of fear, distrust and unrest permeating our world are known to all of us. But in God’s plan some of us also know a beautiful opposite: the faith and assurance found in the church of Jesus Christ. God still has a restful “family” in His church. As believers we gladly place our confidence in God’s revelation of Himself. Although the material world has never understood our faith, it is well placed in the Scriptures. The Bible tells us many things we could learn in no other way.
This amazing Revelation—the final section of the holy Scriptures—tells us plainly that no human being and no world government or power will have any control or any say in that fiery day of judgment yet to come upon the earth. John’s vision of things to come tells us clearly and openly that at the appropriate time the direction and administration of this world will be taken away from men and women and placed in the hands of the only Man who has the wisdom and power to rightly govern. That Man is the eternal Son of God, our Lord Jesus Christ.
Revelation describes the age-ending heavenly and earthly events when our Lord and Savior is universally acknowledged to be King of kings and Lord of lords. All will acclaim Him victor. God’s Revelation leaves us with no doubt about that.
In our present period of time, however, there is little recognition of God’s sovereignty or of His plan for His redeemed people. Go into the marketplace, into our educational institutions and—yes—even into our popular religious circles, and you will find a growing tendency to make mankind large and to make God small. Human society is now taking it for granted that if God indeed exists, He has become our servant, meekly waiting upon us for our will.
In the face of this kind of human thinking, I want to make a case for the committed Christians in this world. We are the true realists. We confess that we do not hold the powers of life and death in our own hands. We have sensed the importance of John’s vision in the Revelation. We are assured that God is alive and well and that He has never abdicated His throne. While others may wonder and speculate concerning God’s place in the universe, we are assured that He has never yielded to any of His creatures His divine rights as Lord of man and nature.
It is for this reason that the Christian believer, related to God by faith, is assured of final victory. Even in the midst of earthly trials, he or she is joyful.
This week is going to be very indicative of the direction the majority of Americans want to take this country. They will show this by voting for one of two very different men. Will we move towards Socialism or will we continue in the tradition of Capitalism? It is of huge concern to many and there is a tremendous divide between the two camps. The question hangs in the air today: which direction will it be?
As I wait with nervous anticipation the outcome of Tuesday’s results – the 2012 United States presidential election – I have to ask myself the question: Where am I placing my trust?
Is it in the man who runs this great land? Is it in the system of Democracy? Is it in the judicial system or in Congress?
Or is it in Someone who is so much greater than any of these?
When I stop and turn my eyes to the Word of God, I find there that God is the maker of the earth and heavens (Genesis 1:1). He is the One who controls the comings and goings of Kings and Presidents (Daniel 2:21). God watches over even the lilies of the fields and the tiniest sparrows (Matthew 6:25-30).
This would lead me to believe that God knows exactly what is going on in this country. He is not unaware of our concerns and fears. Isn’t that a comfort? I know it is for me. You see, if we aren’t careful we can find ourselves all upset about something over which we have very little control. But what does that reaction show the world?
I would submit that it shows them that really, when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of living, we don’t quite trust God to know best.
Of course, we don’t always understand. Of course, it doesn’t always look best to us. But there is a huge tapestry that encompasses all of history. We are but a small part. We can’t see the whole thing.
As I write this, I feel like I am just writing clichès — the stuff we have all heard a million times. But does that make it any less true?
Perhaps we need to be reminded that God holds Tuesday’s outcome in His hand, no matter what it is. Yes, we need to vote. Yes, we need to pray. But, after we have done all we can do, then we need to trust. Let’s show the world that our trust in God is greater than our fear of man. We know personally the One who controls the universe and nothing should make us waver!
Will you join me in showing the world that our hope is in the Lord?
So the other night, Eric and I joined the girls for some X-Box Kinect “quality bonding time”. One of the girls thought it would be funny to video us with her iphone. And, let me tell you–it was funny. It was hilarious! I looked ridiculous. We all laughed and it was all great fun. But when it was all over, there was one thing that nagged at me.
Why didn’t I look that fat when I looked in the mirror? When I get dressed in the morning, I often take a long look at myself. From the front…now turn to the side…and finally over my shoulder at the back. And I will finally come to the conclusion that it’s not too bad. I mean I know I am a little overweight, but it could be worse, right? But let me tell you, that video didn’t lie. I was so mad at myself for believing the lie in the mirror.
Is it just me that wonders why the mirror shows a skinnier me than videos and pictures do? I think it’s really strange. But then I wondered– perhaps the same thing is going on in the rest of my life?
You see, when we look in a mirror, we often see what we want to see. We can rationalize and ignore and talk ourselves into almost anything. But when someone else comes and takes a “picture” of us–well, that is when we see the ugly truth.
Has that ever happened to you? I know it has to me. I will be rolling along, looking pretty good to myself in my spiritual mirror. And then, quite suddenly, my husband or my children will show me my true self, either by lovingly confronting me or, more often, by getting in my {selfish} way. Or perhaps someone will need something that I could sacrificially give and I am confronted squarely in the face with what I truly look like when it comes to care and compassion. And then I see my true self– the one that still has so far to go.
And while I don’t usually like it, I find that, if I can put off my initial defensive response and really think about what I see, it is then that God grows and changes me. But if I just get mad and walk away…if I think that everybody else’s “picture” of who I am isn’t who I truly am…well, that is when I stay the same old me.
It is hard to hear criticism or to come face to face with areas that need change. Many times we ignore what we see. Or we rationalize our behavior: “It’s just my personality.” And, often, our initial response to someone who is lovingly confronting us is to turn the attack on the person talking to us. “Well you do _______, so what gives you the right to judge me?”
I know all this, because I have done it. But when I respond that way, I also know I am missing out on the blessing of God showing me the areas I need to grow.
I would like to change that picture on the video my daughter took, but I can’t. I will never like what I look like in that video. But guess what? There is the possibility to change future pictures. But only if I face the truth.
Let’s learn to love the truth. Not only when it comes to Bible doctrine and theology, but also when it comes to ourselves. It is only when we see ourselves as we truly are that we can start becoming who we are supposed to be.
James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.
Proverbs 27:6-7 Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
As I lay in my bed last night trying to figure out what I should write this morning, my daughter came in to say goodnight. We are expecting a major storm here today and so we are all a little nervous. Before she left my room, she spent a few minutes saying goodnight to Belle, our little white dog. And then she said, “When the winds start to blow and the rain comes rushing down, hug Belle extra hard, ’cause she’s scared of the storms!” She was being silly, but her words struck a chord inside. I knew that God had hugged our family extra hard this year and it was time to tell you about it.
Nine months ago, almost to the day, we made the decision to leave the church we had attended for twenty-five years. I am not going to go into why we made that decision, as we love the people at that church very much and certainly wish them no ill will. But we both knew that God had made it clear: we were to move on. We had poured our hearts and souls into that church and it is probably the hardest decision we have ever made. And around us, the winds started to howl and the rains came rushing down. We felt alone and adrift.
We ended up settling in at a large church and decided to just sit back and take in the teaching of Pastor B. He is a godly man who teaches in such a way that all of us not only learn a lot, but also enjoy it. But each Sunday, we would go to church and sit down to listen. After the service, we would get up and we would look around. No one cared that we were there. We didn’t matter. And, lest I give the wrong idea here, let me be clear: our new church was very friendly. They really were. It was just we went from being surrounded by what felt like a comfortable family to being surrounded by strangers.
But then God did something amazing. He brought a family into our lives that truly wrapped their love and care around us. I am not sure they will ever know how much God used them in our tumultuous year. When we were in our loneliest hours, we clung to them. They probably got sick of us always making a beeline for them after any church service, being so thankful not to stand so conspicuously alone.
And slowly, but surely, God did amazing things that came out of our obedience to Him. I would like to share just a few with you.
When we left our church, one of our secretaries for our business was our old pastor’s wife. We knew when we made our decision to leave, that we were probably going to put our business into an upheaval, as well as our lives. And, a few weeks after we left the church, she handed in her resignation. We had a crazy, terrible month and then God, as He often will, stepped up and provided a wonderful woman who we heard about through a family in our new church. The story of how she came to us and how the situation was perfect for her, as well, is almost…well, miraculous. It could have only been a God thing. She has been such a blessing to us. And then, as if that wasn’t enough, God gave us an extra blessing by bringing her hard-working nephew (also a member of our new church) to work for our company a few months ago. We would have never met either of these employees if we hadn’t switched churches.
Another really cool thing God did was orchestrate an almost instant friendship. I had spoken at a Moms’ Group at a local church last spring. As I spoke I talked about some hard things and mentioned that I had recently switched churches. After I was done, a lady came up to me and told me how much she had appreciated what I had said and we chatted for awhile. I had a feeling we could be friends. And then we realized that we now were going to the same church. Over the course of a few months, our friendship has grown and she has introduced me to several other ladies at the church. All because I “happened” to speak where she “happened” to be.
I also have a dear friend who has supported my blogging for awhile now. She is such an encouragement to me. Her husband and mine have become friends, as they both are in the same business. We knew this family because our kids go to school together and lo and behold, this family goes to our new church, too. We have so enjoyed getting to know them better.
And, finally, I want to share with you how I have prayed for my children. That, by far, was my biggest concern in switching churches. And so I prayed. A lot. And God has answered in big ways. Oh, it is taking time, as all friendships do, but I can see friendships that are starting to blossom for each one of them.
I am humbled and oh, so thankful.
And, so, God has stepped up to provide for us in ways we could never have foreseen. The rain came rushing down and He hugged us extra hard. He provided for our needs, and even a few wants, as we stepped out in obedience into the unknown.
God is so faithful!
And, so, may I leave you with this? Don’t ever let fear keep you from obeying the Lord. Yes, you may end up in the middle of the field with the wind howling about you and the rain rushing down in a torrent, but that is when God hugs you extra hard.
Lamentations 3:22-24
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. 23 They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. 24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!”
I can almost hear the snickers now. Especially from those of you who actually know my teenagers! There are no perfect teenagers, and my teens aren’t any exception. So, if you clicked on this blog post for a formula for raising teenagers, this is not the blog post for you. But if you are interested in hearing some of the things that my husband and I have learned while raising {imperfect} teenagers, then keep reading.
1. Realize your teenager is a sinner, just as everyone on this earth is a sinner. This means that when they come home and tell us their side of story, there is probably another side. I recently had someone e-mail me to tell me something that their child had heard in our home a couple of years ago. What she said was completely inaccurate and even heretical. I don’t know how their teenager had come away with that, but somehow they had. And so when our kids come home and tell us the teacher or coach was really mean to them, or their best friend double crossed them, or their boyfriend broke their heart, always remember there is another side to that story. Try to find out what it is before reacting too quickly.
2. Be the person you want your child to become. Don’t expect your child not to cheat if you cheat on your taxes. Don’t expect your child not to lie if you call in sick to work when you aren’t sick. Don’t expect your child to speak respectfully if you don’t speak respectfully to them or to your spouse. This is one of the greatest challenges as a parent and one we failed miserably sometimes. I would hear one of the kids speak angrily or unkindly and I would cringe, hearing the echo of my own angry and unkind words.
3. Teach basic doctrines of Christianity. Kids have BIG questions. Be prepared with the answers. Why am I here? Who is God? Why can’t I have sex before I am married? Why can’t I see that movie? Why is that music group off-limits? When they are little you can get away with a simple “Because I said so” to many of these questions. But if you try this tactic with teens it will most certainly breed rebellion. They need answers. And they deserve them. So it is our responsibility to not only know the answers but to talk about them with our kids. We have held conversations about everything in this house. And we always take it back to God’s Word. What does God’s Word say? Ultimately, we are teaching our kids that they are accountable to God. It doesn’t really matter what we think. It only matters what God thinks. Many of the questions are hard and sometimes we don’t have the answers. So we search God’s Word together or we ask a pastor we trust. But don’t avoid the questions!
And one more thing about this — oftentimes these conversations take place at the most inconvenient times, like 11pm. When the kids want to talk, don’t let a little thing like sleep get in the way.
4. Love them unconditionally. They are not always easy to love. They may shout “I hate you!” but inside they are crying “please love me, anyway!” Don’t give up on them. They can be mean, spiteful, unkind to their friends, disrespectful, and liars. Deal with the behavior firmly but keep loving them! Make sure there is never a doubt in their mind that they have the love and support of their parents.
5. If Dad is around, make sure he is involved. If you are a single parent, I know that God is faithful and He will most definitely meet your needs. But if Mom and Dad are in the home together, then it is critical that you work together. Mom needs to treat Dad with respect and refer the kids to him sometimes for permission or discipline. Dads need to encourage conversations with their teens. Many dads grow uncomfortable with their kids as they grow older, especially their girls. Oh, they love them, but they are not quite sure what to do with them. But this is when girls need the love and listening ear of their father most. Just keep listening and loving. Keep helping Mom with discipline. Don’t make Mom field all of the tough questions. This is a partnership. It is so important that Dad doesn’t disappear during this critical time.
6. Have fun together. For our family, we love camping together. It is a time we can all get away from the routine of life and just relax and laugh and have fun. Our kids are between the ages of 13 and 22 and they still all go along when they can, because we have a great time. When I was growing up, it was sports in the backyard. We had countless football, soccer ball, and bopper ball games in the backyard. The neighbor kids would come and even my {non-athletic} mom joined in the fun. For your family, it may be something else. Maybe you all love shopping at Saturday morning yard sales or you have a family game night. It doesn’t really matter what it is, but it is important that you all do something fun together on occasion. And, by the way, movie night doesn’t really count, since there is no bonding taking place when all eyes are staring at a screen.
7. Pray, pray, pray. I can’t stress this one enough. Because when I look at all of the other points I have listed, I can see where Eric and I failed miserably many times. But God meets us in our failures and His grace covers them. It is really one of those small (or is it great?) miracles in life. Don’t pray for good grades or for them to be the football star, pray for the stuff that matters. Ask God to give them a hunger for His Word. Ask Him to bring them godly spouses. I have been praying Mark 12:30 for my kids since they were born, “Please help them to love You with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength,” pours from my lips almost every day for my kids.
I have so much more I could say, like: don’t expect too much but make sure you expect enough. And if your kids have godly grandparents, let them be a support to you. But, alas, I guess this isn’t a book, so I will stop now.
When our oldest was a pre-teen we were SO clueless. That stage felt a lot like I had felt as a brand new mom, holding that tiny newborn in my arms. I looked at the awkward and opinionated 12 year old and wondered what in the world I was supposed to do with her? But as we fell into the role of parenting teens, we learned that pre-teens need a lot of boundaries. They are emotional, oftentimes angry, and downright disrespectful at times. They will shout that they are the only ones not allowed to do something and they will sometimes be right about that. But through it all, we stuck to our guns. We didn’t give in. And I will tell you the ages between 13 and 16 were ROUGH–especially with a couple of them (I will refrain from mentioning names!). But right around the time they turned 16 things started getting so much better. All of a sudden there weren’t so many battles. And they started talking to us about their problems. We could trust them and loosen up the boundaries. It was a very gradual process. But we have never, ever regretted the firm boundaries we clung to during those tough early teen years. And now, with my older kids, we trust them. We see that they want to please God and we aren’t worried about what movie they are going to or what is on their phone. We know that they have reached a place where they understand their accountability is to God. Sure, they will make mistakes, just like we did, but they are headed in the right direction. Interestingly enough, they will often ask our advice about many of the choices they face each day. It is such a blessing!
No, there are no perfect teenagers, just as there are no perfect parents. But if our kids profess to know and love God and the fruit of their life gives evidence of this profession, what more could a parent ask for?
