growing in christ – Page 25

Bad Passion

Leave a Comment / May 27, 2014 May 27, 2014

I first noticed the lady sitting over in the waiting area. I didn’t think too much about her, except to feel bad that my Ukrainian friend, my mother, and I were keeping all the nail salon workers busy as they gave us pedicures. She would have to wait awhile.

But before the owner of the salon started my friend’s pedicure, she ran the water for the lady’s pedicure in the chair that sat directly across from mine and directed her to come back, relax in the massage chair, and put her feet in the warm water while she waited.

I watched as she settled in with a magazine. She had short, steel-colored hair, dark tanned skin, and didn’t seem to smile much. I turned my attention back to my friend and mom and didn’t give her much thought after that.

As we sat there, relaxing, our conversation covered many topics. We were thoroughly enjoying one another’s company, especially since we hadn’t all been together for three years.

After awhile, the salon owner started asking us questions about our lives and we reciprocated interest in her life, as well. She shared that she had moved to the United States from Viet Nam when she was 36. That was twelve years ago and she had spent her first couple of years in a different state. She then went on to share how the people in our current town were so much friendlier and seemingly a lot less worried about classes and status than where she had come from.

At that point, I made some kind of light-hearted statement about life being way too short to be worried about how much money someone makes or what family they come from.

Well.

That must have lit a fire under the chair of the lady across from me. Her face became animated as, unasked, she joined our conversation, agreeing with what I had said. She then went on to vehemently state how much she hates the area we live in. In fact, she had moved away many years ago and sounded like that was the best decision she had ever made. She listed about a dozen reasons of why she hated her hometown. Actually, they were pretty much all the same reason, stated in a variety of ways. This went on for an inordinate amount of time and was rather annoying as she continued to bash our town with gusto.

She went on to tell us that her father used to be some high-up executive in the local factory and how people use you when you are in a position like that.

Aha. Now we were getting somewhere. I made an educated guess that someone had used her to get something from her father and, judging by her reaction, it had caused a deep and painful gash in her heart.

As we sat with our toes under the UV light a little later, leaving Miss Negative in her chair at the back of the salon, we put our heads together and whispered about how odd that experience was. My dear Ukrainian friend summed it up best: “She had so much Bad Passion!”

Oh, what a great way to put it. This bitter woman was filled with “bad passion”. I wondered what had caused all of that hurt and bitterness directed towards an inanimate town and all of its inhabitants. Now I have met a few snobs (and worse) in my years here, but I’ve met an awful lot of really nice people, too. Unfortunately, this woman has closed her eyes to anything good from her hometown.

As I thought about this woman later on, I just felt pity for her.

All of us get hurt. All of us get used. This is especially true if you have something other people do not. If you have more money, more beauty, more talent, more connections, more anything, you can be pretty sure someone will use you. If you don’t know how to say no, someone will probably use you. And almost all of us get betrayed at one time or another. This is life. At least here on earth.

But we shouldn’t let these incidents color our whole world black. There are still lots of good people and good things for which to be thankful.

While this lady ranted on and on, I smiled and nodded, not saying much. Truthfully, I was at a loss as to what to say. After we left the salon, we talked about what we should have said.

But my mom summed it up pretty well, “she was the kind that wouldn’t have listened, anyway.” And my mom did have a point. This bitter woman’s negative viewpoint did seem firmly embedded in her heart and mind.

Oh, the sweeping accusations and generalizations we make when we get hurt. We not only hurt ourselves, but we end up hurting others, too.

Why do we do this? Why do we allow one or two or ten people to change how we feel about a whole town? Or a whole race? Or a whole state? We really need to open our eyes to just how foolish this is.

And I go back to my original statement: Life is just too short for stuff like this.

When Worry Overtakes Us

2 Comments / May 22, 2014 May 22, 2014

Sometimes fear just grips us. The “what-if’s” crowd our mind and, if we aren’t careful, we become enveloped by worry and doubts.

There are so many things to worry about, aren’t there?

Health

Finances

Children

Our government

Our culture

What others think of us

Job situation

Church situation

Relationships

Really, there is no end to the list of things we can worry about.

I can’t remember if I shared this before on the blog, but I want you to know that as a young woman I had an all-out battle with my flesh over this sin of worry (yes, I called it a sin). I would lay trembling and sweating in my bed because I was so scared of something that “could” happen. My mind would dwell for hours on the “what-ifs” and I would waste much God-given time on these thoughts. They were all-encompassing and would render me helpless.

This lasted for many years. Oh, I still lived a normal life and most people had no idea of what was going on inside my head. But I knew that the chains of worry had wrapped me tight and that I desperately needed to break free.

That was years ago, but I was reminded of this battle recently as this sin has loomed onto my horizon again after all these years.

I think as we get older, the things to worry about almost multiply and grow bigger. Instead of worrying about a child’s safety, we start worrying more about their eternal destiny. Along with worrying about finances, we become fully aware that we aren’t going to live forever and we can start worrying more about our health and death. Reality hits us square in the face and we see that there aren’t many happy endings in this world. Grandchildren bring more loved ones to worry about. And, of course, if we listen to the news, there is no end of things to worry about.

As a young woman, I was able to overcome this sin of worry through prayer and the Holy Spirit. Through that battle I learned some practical ways that helped me on a daily–even hourly– basis–

1. I ask myself “What’s the worst that can happen?” Sometimes the worst that can happen is really awful (at that point I move on to 2 and 3), but many times it is just something that is silly. For instance, if I need to speak or play a piano solo I can get really worried about messing up. But if I realize that the worst that can happen is that I make a fool of myself and then life moves on, it helps me to put that particular worry into perspective.

2. Train my mind to turn away from thoughts of “what if?” This was not easy to do, but once I developed this habit, it was by far the most helpful thing for me in this battle with worry. When my mind would start dwelling on the health issue and turn toward all its possible outcomes or when my mind would think about problems I was having with a child and then toward what that could mean for the child’s future, I trained myself to just stop thinking about the future and come back to the present. Now, I do recognize that is SO much easier to write than to do. But it is possible.

And one more thing to add here. Many years after my initial battle with worry, I realized that I started feeling heavy with worry after I would watch the news. The sad stories would depress me and the reports of random violence and increased socialism in this country would fill my heart with fear. At that point, I made the choice to stop watching the news. Oh, I still keep up with the important stuff, mostly via my family (who tell me anything going on that is news-worthy). But I made a conscious decision to stop watching on a nightly basis because of my personal battle with worry. Some of you can handle it just fine and that’s good. But I couldn’t.

3. Acknowledge and submit to the sovereignty of God. My brother (Pastor Dean) says that this is one of the most important aspects in our walk with God. As I have been studying scripture on my own, I realize that he is right. We cannot even be saved without this. Humility (by recognizing our sinful state) is the first step of salvation. But it doesn’t end with salvation. We continue to submit to God’s sovereignty as we walk with Him. It is the only way to have peace and joy and freedom from this sin of worry.

(As we grow older, it does help that we have experiences of God’s faithfulness to us during the hard times. We can see how He worked through difficult and heart-breaking situations and brought us through to the other side. Sometimes we can see the good that came out of those situations, but many times we can’t. But we recognize His strength and comfort and peace during that time and it helps us to face the next difficult time that comes along. Reading biographies of Christian men and women or having conversations with them is also very faith-building. God has worked in incredible ways through some very impossible circumstances.)

There is so much more that could be written about the sovereignty of God. If this is something you struggle with, I would suggest you read the book: The Sovereignty of God by A.W. Pink. This helped me tremendously to have a better understanding of God’s sovereignty. In fact, this book was so helpful, it is included on my Books Worth Reading page.

These three things helped me tremendously as a young woman and for many years I didn’t really struggle with worry. But it reared its ugly head again just recently, as my mind started dwelling on all of the changes we are experiencing in this country and the ramifications of these changes. I find myself going back to square one and trying to put into practice these three things once again. I thought I’d share them here, in hopes that you, too, might find them helpful.

Do you struggle with worry? Do you have something to add to this list that might help us, too? I would love to hear how you have overcome your battle with this sin.

A Look Back

3 Comments / May 16, 2014 May 16, 2014

In just a few short weeks my oldest daughter will be getting married. My dining room is filled with boxes and wedding supplies as she prepares for her big day. She and her fiance are busy fixing up an old house they were able to purchase. It is fun to watch them together, as they work on wedding plans and prepare to start their new life together. But it is also frustrating because my daughter lives here and her stuff is here, but she isn’t really here. Know what I mean?

And I wondered how I felt the summer before my August wedding? Was I as in love? Were my parents frustrated with me?

But I didn’t have to just wonder. I could actually look back. Because, as you may already know, most writers journal. And so I have some kind of record of my feelings about life since about 5th grade. I have pulled out those journals every great once in awhile as I have raised my teen girls.

So a few nights ago I decided to pull out my journal from the summer of 1988. I had not read those words since I had written them. It was strange to read the words of my former self. I am the same person. And yet, I am not the same person.

In those pages, I read about events and relationship dynamics that I had totally forgotten. And guess what? I had some of the typical problems with my parents, too, as an adult living at home. Only I had a different perspective back then. I had not remembered any of that.

It was also interesting to see what I had written about my future husband and myself and the problems I anticipated us having as we headed off into marriage. And all these years later, I could see that I was right. They were the problems that we have faced over and over again in our marriage.

As I told my husband about my insight into our future as a 22 year old, he jokingly said, “well, I guess you shouldn’t have married me.”

But I can honestly say that never crossed my mind. I’d marry him all over again in a heartbeat. And so I responded, “If it wouldn’t have been those problems, then it would’ve been different ones.”

Yes, we have issues. Every marriage does. There is no perfect relationship. (Why do we think there will be? Could it be the romance novels we read? Or the chick flicks we watch? Why in the world are our expectations so high?)

But we work through them, one step at a time, with candor, forgiveness, a sense of humor, and total commitment.

And how gratifying to realize almost 26 years later, that we have made some progress. We are not the same people we were when I was writing all those years ago. We have changed and matured and become just a little bit more like Jesus as we have added years. Oh, those flaws flare up and still stare us both in the face sometimes, but it isn’t as often. And it isn’t as severe.

I don’t know if you have your life recorded in journals. If you do, why not pull one out and take a few moments and look back? See how far you’ve come. If you don’t, then just take a few moments and think about how far you’ve come. Whether you are 25 or 95, think about your past years. Has your marriage relationship improved over the years? Have you become more like Jesus? Praise the Lord if the answer is yes. The Holy Spirit is working to sanctify you, just as we believers are promised in scripture (I Peter 1:2). But if it is no, don’t despair! Start today to create a new future! One step at a time. It is never too late! (And remember, real and lasting change can only be found after our relationship with God has been made right. If you don’t know Him personally, please click here.)

Our future is created one moment at a time. We are given choices each and every day–we can choose our attitude, our responses, our reactions — and these small choices are what creates the person we will become.

I didn’t think so deeply back when I was writing that summer of 1988. I didn’t realize all of this. Now, looking back, I can see that the prayers of my parents and grandparents helped to keep me on the right track. So that’s my second point. Pray for your kids and grandkids. There is so much we don’t understand when we are young. And most of us don’t want to listen to anyone tell us about life. Let’s cover the young people we love with much prayer.

It was interesting to take a look back. And in some ways I’m jealous. Starting out in life sounds fun and exciting. But then I realize– I wouldn’t really want to go back and learn everything all over again. So, here I am, middle-aged and headed into the future. Still determined to become more like Jesus through the little choices I make every day. Failing daily, but always brushing myself off and starting over again!

The Annoying Bird

2 Comments / May 12, 2014 May 12, 2014

648772_11810381 — This picture is not an accurate representation of the bird I heard, since I have no idea
what kind it is and never saw it :)

This morning– as in just a few moments ago– I was laying peacefully in my bed and planning to stay there for awhile longer. I was very sick on Friday and had an extremely busy weekend. I thought I’d enjoy sleeping in a bit. In fact, I wasn’t even going to write this morning.

Until that irritating bird started singing.

I don’t really think I can even call it singing. It was chattering in some weird, very un-song like way, changing its pitch and sounds, without any seeming regularity to its noise. Yes, I called it noise.

You see, this annoying bird had also awakened me at 1 am — 1 am!!– with this same chatter. No wonder I was tired when I woke up this morning.

Now, at this point, you may think I am going to proceed to share just how wonderful this creature is and why we need to appreciate it.

I’m not.

That bird is annoying and there is just no getting around it.

But there it is. Outside my window, chattering its heart out. What can I do?

Nothing. There is absolutely nothing I can do.

It reminds me of some of those difficult people I talked about the other day. The bird reminded me that there is not usually a thing we can do to remove the difficult people from our life. We work with them, we go to church with them, and sometimes they are in our family.

Or lets take it a step further. Sometimes it is just a situation we can’t change. A terrible job. A lousy teacher. We are stuck and can’t figure a way out of this irritating situation. There is just nothing we can do.

And, so, it comes down to dealing with it. No, let’s not say that. Let’s say this: It comes down to letting those people and situations help us grow spiritually instead of hindering our growth. And that is all about our attitude, isn’t it? And we do get to choose that.

So this post is what came rushing into my mind when the bird would not stop chattering…when I wasn’t even planning on writing. Maybe God’s trying to teach me something about accepting situations and growing from them instead of pushing back and struggling so much through them??

So Who Knew?

4 Comments / May 5, 2014 May 5, 2014

So who knew that for the past two thousand years the church fathers were so wrong? I mean if we believe what the modern day “Christian” leaders tell us, they got more things wrong than right —

–7 Literal Day Creation (Genesis 1)

Modern Approach: They had that all wrong. God just starting the ball rolling and put it in motion. They weren’t literal days.

–Women should not be in church leadership (I Timothy 2:11-12)

Modern Approach: That was all about the culture of the time and has no bearing on today.

–We should separate from the world (I John 2:15-17; James 1:27)

Modern Approach: The exact opposite, we actually need to be like the world to win the world.

–We should be holy (I Peter 1:15-16)

Modern Approach: Holiness isn’t any big deal, it’s love that matters.

–There is a literal hell (Matthew 10:28)

Modern Approach: A loving God would never send anyone to hell.

–Church is designed to grow and encourage believers (Colossians 3:15-16)

Modern Approach: The church is a very hip, safe place to bring our unsaved friends, where they won’t feel judged or uncomfortable and may (or may not) hear the true gospel.

And the most recent— Homosexuality is a sin before God (Romans 1:24-27)

Modern Approach: We may have gotten that all wrong. After all, gay “Christians” are some of the nicest people around.

Oh, dear brothers and sisters, how we have strayed so far from the Word of God. We are relying on the tainted words of so-called leaders to shape and form our doctrine. We listen to songs and popular authors and they redefine what we think about God and His Word. It happens so slowly we don’t even realize it.

In the last fifty to one hundred years, the modern “church” (and I use quotes because I do not believe it is the true church) has turned away from almost every basic doctrine of scripture. The only thing that is left is love and the cross. And some are even turning away from the cross, encompassing anyone who believes in anything as heaven-bound.

Does anyone else find this incredibly disturbing?

But it is also refreshing. And here is why–

I was thinking about this as I read this article about the Jars of Clay band, that is supposedly a Christian group. One of the group members had a series of tweets that very clearly showed that he believes scripture is irrelevant when determining morality. You can read about it yourself, but something someone said in response to him is very worth sharing here–

“This issue will separate the true Bible believers from those who put experience or personal relationships above Scripture, and while it might result in some real challenges for those who hold to the Word, this could be just what the church of America needs today: a wake-up call to arise from our apathy and man-centered, what’s-in-it-for-me gospel, and a determination to follow Jesus regardless of cost or consequence,” Brown said.

We desperately need this wake-up call. For way too long we have straddled the fence, trying to play both sides. The time for that is over. We either believe what the Bible says or we don’t. We cannot have it both ways.

John MacArthur puts it this way in the monthly letter I receive from Grace to You–

But now, with the facade of cultural Christianity crumbling, true Christianity is starting to stand out in a way it hasn’t in our lifetime. Scripture teaches and church history confront that the Body of Christ is most potent and most effective when it simply speaks and lives the gospel without equivocation or apology. With the mask of superficial Christianity gone, I believe the best days of the spread of the true gospel are ahead of us.

The gospel advances by personal testimony to Christ, one soul at a time. When the church acts like the church; when shepherds preach Scripture and confront error with clarity and boldness; when believers are sanctified, built up, and equipped in truth; people are saved. And that’s when the culture truly changes — nothing transforms the culture like genuine conversion.

For far too long we have lived in the muddy waters of a shallow Christianity in this country. As long as you said “the prayer” you can do or be whoever you like and still consider yourself saved. But this is not what scripture teaches. And as the chasm between true Bible believers and those who follow their own man-made, people-pleasing God widens, we can and should expect that life is going to get a bit harder for us. We are no longer mainstream and we are going to need to adjust. We are quickly and consistently getting slapped with labels like “intolerant”, “prejudiced” and even “dangerous”.

Buckle your seat belt and hang on, because I am pretty sure we are in for a rough ride. But just you watch and see God work in amazing ways! I am already seeing Him work in individual lives, drawing them to Himself. He is real and alive and He is faithful!

And, in case you haven’t heard me say this before, get into God’s Word for yourself.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

If you enjoyed this post, would you consider sharing it and letting others know about Growing4Life? Thanks! :)

“This issue will separate the true Bible believers from those who put experience or personal relationships above Scripture, and while it might result in some real challenges for those who hold to the Word, this could be just what the church of America needs today: a wakeup call to arise from our apathy and man-centered, what’s-in-it-for-me gospel, and a determination to follow Jesus regardless of cost or consequence,” Brown said.
Read more at http://www.wnd.com/2014/05/pro-gay-jars-of-clay-singerschooled-by-christian-leaders/#D9KgrlTsxROeuJsc.99

Are We Guilty of Treating the Bible like a Ouija Board?

Leave a Comment / May 1, 2014 December 2, 2014

“I can’t figure this out. Both words work. How do I know which one it should be?” The young man asking the question was staring at the Spanish worksheet on his desk. He was to underline which word fit the sentence best.

I was substitute teaching a Spanish class, which was no easy task for me, as my complete knowledge of Spanish is derived from four years of high school Spanish, a few trips to Spanish-speaking countries, and several levels of the Duolingo App.

And here was an example of exactly why I wasn’t sure I had wanted to do this. I knew I wouldn’t be able to answer questions, especially for the more advanced classes. With my limited knowledge, I decided to try and help the student to answer his question. I read, as best I could, the entire paragraph that included the sentence. I then examined the picture above the paragraph and looked up the two word options in my Spanish dictionary. Upon doing all of this, I realized that, while both words would certainly make sense, only one of the words made any sense at all when taking into consideration the context of the paragraph.

What a great example of how we should approach scripture! I heard a preacher say the other day that so many of us Christians treat God’s Word like a Ouija Board. We open it and expect God to magically show us the exact right verse that will guide and direct us.

But that’s not how it works. We can only truly understand what the Bible says if we take the time to study the context of each verse and passage. But that means we must give our time and effort. And most of us have been conditioned to want answers the fast and easy way.

Recently, A friend shared with me something that had happened to her son. He was put in a college class with a professor that wanted nothing more than to prove Christianity wrong. This woman attempted to crush any young believers in her class by using the Bible itself. The young man left her class stunned and full of questions. Was everything he had been taught his whole life a lie??

Thankfully, he decided to study for himself. He got into the Word to try to sort through it all. What a wise young man. What he discovered is that his professor had taken verses out of context and, thus, had totally warped their meanings. What he found was that God and His Word are absolutely trustworthy and that all he had been taught his whole life is true.

You see, we can come up with any message we want to out of the Bible if we ignore context. This is why you have all of these “new” interpretations of scripture that insist that some things are not sin that we thought were sin for the last two thousand years and, its counterpart, some things that are sin in these modern times, that have never been defined as sin before. Fallen man, without the aid of the Holy Spirit, can contrive the Bible to say anything he wants. It is only through careful study and a humble heart that we can really know what the Bible says.

God’s Word is living and active (Hebrews 4:12) and when we study it properly it will change our lives. But if we study it haphazardly or to prove a personal point, we have rendered it almost useless. The Bible is not a Ouija board. It is the inerrant, inspired Word of God given to us, His people. Let’s treat it as such and study it with the respect and awe it deserves.

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Dealing with Difficult People

6 Comments / April 28, 2014 April 28, 2014

Have you ever had to deal with someone you just couldn’t make happy? Or perhaps it is someone who lies constantly, is consistently unkind, or very angry? Or maybe they just absolutely exhaust you by telling you all of their woes? Sometimes, if they are friends, we can gently extricate ourselves from these relationships. But, many times, we can’t. We may go to church together. Or we may work together. More often than not, our difficult relationships are within our own families.

So what then?

So often we continue to live with a sense of constant frustration in this state of affairs. When someone is affecting our personal peace or happiness, we can get really annoyed. But how should we look at these situations?

I have floundered in this area for years. If I was struggling in a relationship, I would grow irritated and hopeless. But then, a few months ago, I heard this sentence in a sermon–

We need to look at difficult people as the tools God uses to shape us to look more like Jesus.

Ever since that time, my whole viewpoint has changed. You see, I used to view these relationships as obstacles that were keeping me from looking like Jesus–unnecessary extra baggage that kept tempting me and causing me to fail (notice my finger of blame was pointed at them, not myself…)

But this one sentence clarified for me that I had it all wrong. ALL wrong. These people in my life are there to help, not hinder, my walk with Christ.

Because I have this new perspective, it changes everything. Oh, I still grow frustrated and annoyed, but I can see the big picture now. Instead of incidents seeming pointless and ridiculous, I see them as challenges I need to rise up and meet as Jesus would have.

I know this is so easy to say in principle. Some of you are almost buried underneath dysfunctional families or bad work situations. This isn’t an easy thing to live for any of us, but for some of you it probably feels impossible. I hope that this helps, at least a little.

You see, we can’t change anyone but ourselves. But, by the power of the Holy Spirit, we can change ourselves. Let’s rise up and meet the challenge of personal change instead of being so worried about the pointless, fruitless endeavor of changing the other person.

Some Things We Must Let Go

2 Comments / April 24, 2014 April 24, 2014

So, on Monday my post was titled Don’t Let It Go. I wrote it because I was checking the lyrics of the popular song to see if there was any phrase I could use for the post I am about to write right now. Instead I found new age nonsense. But, while we certainly shouldn’t let any opportunity to discern go by us, there are a few things that we really do need to let go. Like grudges.

Recently, my husband and I ran into a couple we know. We are very aware of the fact that this couple doesn’t particularly like us and hasn’t for many years. The thing is–we have never figured out exactly why. Oh, we have some guesses and assumptions, but we have never had a sit-down conversation as to why they hold us in such low esteem.

So, when my husband offered his right hand to the woman to shake hers in a gesture of friendliness, we weren’t surprised. You see, while she lifted her hand in a limp shake, she would not look into my husband’s eyes. She kept staring straight ahead. Like he wasn’t there. Because she doesn’t like him. But we don’t know why.

Our families and church families are FILLED with these scenarios. This person doesn’t like that person, often because of something that happened a very long time ago.

And there are two perspectives in these situations to consider — the grudge holder’s and the one the grudge is being held against (hereon out to be referred to as the “grudgee”). I’ve been both, so I thought I’d share a few things I’ve learned.

As Grudge Holder

This one I find to be a ginormous waste of personal energy. As I tell my kids, life is just too short for grudges. Oh, I have people that I do not see eye to eye with, but I am learning to view them with more grace as I grow older. Unbelievers are so much easier. I expect them to hurt me, to revile me, and to be unkind. They are not living by God’s law and I shouldn’t expect them to. I find the hurts dealt by Christian brothers and sisters to be much more painful and challenging to get over. But, here again, grace is the word that comes to mind. Do I know what experiences or trials have led that person to be unkind or to make that choice? And, let’s be honest, do I even know if that person calling him or herself a believer is a genuine believer? There are so many who use the label, but do not truly understand the depth of their sin and the payment for that sin at the cross.

I have had a long and challenging journey in this area. I have learned to just ask God to fill me with His love for those I find so hard to love on my own. And a big part of healing in this area, if we struggle with it, is to control our thoughts. You see, Satan just gets in there and twists and turns and makes every offense even worse than it really was. In fact, sometimes we find offense where there was absolutely none intended.

I believe that grudges cause destruction. I have seen the horrible wreckage and wastelands of families and churches that have been ripped apart by grudges. It is so tragic. And, for some reason I cannot figure out, it seems to be a totally and completely excusable sin in our churches. Why is this okay?

Now the other thing that I have found myself tempted to do is to “Christianize” my grudge. I will hold ill will in my heart towards someone and rationalize why I am sure God must understand, and perhaps even give His blessing, to it. Of course, this is ridiculous. Even if we are standing for righteousness, it gives us no excuse to hold ill will against a particular person. Jesus Christ, as he headed to the cross, set the best example for us, didn’t He? I Peter 2:23 tells us this about the Savior–

who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously.

He set the perfect example by not only reacting in a calm and gracious manner, but by showing us that we are to commit our wills and desires to God, who judges all things righteously and can take care of the person that is hurting us (Romans 12:19).

Bottom Line: Grudges are unacceptable for a believer (Ephesians 4:31-32; Leviticus 19:18; Mark 11:25). Grudges are also a big waste of time and energy.

As Grudgee

Okay, so yes, I know “grudgee” isn’t a word, but exactly what is the concise word for being the person that a grudge is held against? So, I will just call it this.

I have had much experience with this one, as my big and thoughtless mouth has often gotten me into a spot of trouble. I say things before I think and find, sometimes YEARS later, that something I said has caused a person to hold a grudge against me all this time. Usually I find this out via a friend of a friend. It is rarely from the person herself.

My reaction to this has changed quite a bit over the years. Let me share.

Let me say this first– I work very hard to be more careful with my words and my tone. I do not have this down 100%, by any means, but I recognize my tendency and really try to remember this when I am talking to people. But I am sure I still inevitably frustrate and offend people. And God tells us that all of us who are believers should actually expect to offend people when we share the gospel (2 Corinthians 2:15-16). So this is something we have probably all dealt with at one time or another.

Here are a few things I have learned about being the grudgee. First, I recognize that I have control over only one part of this situation — myself and my reaction. We can feel pretty helpless in the shadow of someone’s hostility towards us. Some of us grow angry right back at that person, others of us try to just ignore it, and some of us work so hard to fix it and find ourselves filled with disappointment and bitterness when the “happy ending” we long for isn’t forthcoming. But what is a biblical response? A lot of what I wrote above is also applicable here (Jesus’s example, the verses given), so I won’t repeat myself. But here are a few more specifics —

1. Love the grudge holder. Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:44, that we are to love our enemies. If someone hates us we are to return that hate with love. Sometimes that feels humanly impossible. That is because it is. Here again, I have learned to ask God to fill me with His love, because, on my own, I am empty. Responding with love is difficult, but if we can do it, we are a tremendous testimony of God’s working in our lives. Because this is so outside our human nature, we shine like a giant spotlight in pitch black darkness when we love those who hate us.

2. Pray for the grudge holder. I don’t know how this works, but if we can sincerely lift the grudge holder before God and pray for their salvation or spiritual growth, it changes how you feel about them. Somehow this process gives us more grace to deal with this person.

3. Do something kind for the grudge holder. Now if you do not run into this grudge holder regularly, this might be awkward. But if it is someone you see at church or it is a family member, go out of your way to be nice. I have a friend who often used this phrase, when faced with similar situations: kill them with kindness. Yes! What wisdom! Do you know how hard it is to hate someone who is so nice to you? It will often make a difference.

These things are not easy to do. In fact, they are very difficult. Our feelings cry out in opposition, and yet, if we can choose to obey, in spite of our feelings, the reward is tremendous. No, sometimes, it doesn’t work out the way we want. This is not a cure-all for relationships. The reward is not always a happy ending. But one guaranteed reward is always peace. Peace because we have done the right thing, according to God’s Word (Matthew 5:44). Peace because, as much as it is up to us, we have strived to live in peace (Romans 12:18). And peace because we have followed our Savior’s example (I Peter 2:23).

Bottom Line: We need to love the grudge holder and let the rest up to God.

These are hard things to talk about and most of us are caught up in it in one way or another. Many of us are caught up in both ways. I would love to hear what you have learned and the biblical wisdom you have gained through your own experiences? I am sure I have not covered this whole subject of grudges in completion. Please leave a comment below to help fill in the gaps :)

That was me. That could be me. That will be me.

Leave a Comment / April 17, 2014 April 17, 2014

I was tired and ready to go home. It had taken me at least ten minutes to return two items of clothing at the busy wholesale club, which was my last stop in a long list of errands that afternoon. As I piled the items from my full cart on to the conveyer belt, I saw her. She looked so frail. She was with someone younger than her, maybe a daughter or niece. As she was making efforts to pay, I felt slightly irritated. She was writing a paper check (people still actually pay at a retail store by writing a check?!) and was having some trouble understanding the instructions of the clerk. This was all happening in–what seemed to me at the time–slow motion. Each step or arm movement seemed to take minutes instead of seconds. But then I caught the eye of her companion. We exchanged smiles. And I continued to watch that tiny, frail old lady with a little more patience because around that moment, it hit me.

That is going to be me someday.

And I started to think about the different people who so easily frustrate us in life–

The mom with the sick infant that won’t stop screaming in the store or on the airplane.

That was me at one point in my life.

The driver, on their way home from a really terrible meeting or visit, who cuts me off because they are just so distracted.

I’ve been there.

Or the woman paying with food stamps in the grocery store line.

That could be me but for the grace of God.

And I realize that we should really extend so much more grace to people. Why are we so easily frustrated? We could be just like them. Perhaps we were just like them. Or we will be just like them one day in the future.

How do you want people to treat you? That’s the way we should treat others. It is so basic and yet so important.

Do you want your co-workers to tell you the truth? Then extend to them the same courtesy.

Do you want the person behind you in line to be patient as your credit card gets rejected for the third time for some unknown reason? Then do the same when you are that person in line.

What about the overwhelmed waitress? Does she deserve kindness? Would you want kindness if you were in her place–perhaps as new to the job or in a restaurant that is understaffed? God calls us to treat her the way we would want to be treated.

Jesus tells us this basic truth so clearly in Luke 6:31. So why do we struggle so? Why are we so gossipy and easily angered? Why do we backbite and hold grudges? Or sigh and throw tantrums?

I fail at this so often. I don’t mean to, I just get so caught up with my own little, selfish agenda and, woe betide anyone who gets in my way. But for some reason, the elderly lady really made me stop and think. How do I want to be treated when I can’t move as fast as I once did? Because it’s coming. Whether I want it to or not. It’s coming for all of us one day, if we are blessed to live a long life.

You know, if we all followed Luke 6:31 the world we be such a better place. In fact, I believe if Christians followed this commandment, churches would find themselves with few problems.

Of course, that’s in an ideal world, which is certainly not where we live. But it can start with us, can it not? Today, let us be the ones who treat others as we want to be treated. Let’s try to make a difference, however small, by extending grace and kindness to all who cross our path.

What is the Gospel?

4 Comments / April 14, 2014 June 27, 2016

With Easter almost upon us, it may be a good time to review just what the true gospel of Jesus Christ is, as written in the Bible. The other day I heard a supposedly Christian young man on a radio program answer a question about how he would share the gospel. It got me thinking about my own answer to that question, as he proceeded to give all of the selfish, shallow reasons why someone should “follow” Jesus.

Maybe it’s a good idea to first talk about what the gospel is not–

The gospel is not an all-encompassing panacea, solving all of our worldly problems.

The gospel is not our guide through life’s trials and tribulations.

The gospel is not to fill us with a sense of purpose.

The gospel is not designed to teach us that we are beautiful and worthy.

The gospel is not an insurance policy to protect us from a hell.

So exactly what is the gospel?

The gospel is the term used in scripture to depict God’s plan of salvation, available to all mankind. The plan of salvation cannot be understood unless we first understand that we are sinners (Romans 3:23). We cannot truly understand salvation until we truly understand our need to be saved. Repentance of sin is absolutely necessary for true salvation. In fact, without it we cannot even be saved (Luke 13:5).

Once we understand our sinfulness, we can then understand the quandary we are in. We can never be good enough to meet God’s standards (Isaiah 64:6). God cannot tolerate any sin and we can never be perfect (Isaiah 59:2). So how can we be at peace with God?

The answer is in the marvelous plan of salvation, designed by our loving heavenly Father, who sent His son Jesus to make himself a propitiation for our sins by dying on the cross. That is a big word, but it basically means that Jesus bore God’s wrath for our sins, indeed making a way for us to be reconciled to God (I John 4:9-10).

But it did not end there. Three days later, Jesus Christ rose from the grave, victorious over sin and death (I Corinthians 15:55-57). He has promised that those who accept this free gift of salvation will live with Him forever in heaven, where He has prepared a place for us (John 14:2-3).

Salvation comes when we believe with our hearts what the Word of God says (Romans 10:9). Of course, with true belief comes the transformation that can only come from the Holy Spirit’s working in us, paired with a deep desire to please God with all of our being.

Wonderfully, when we do put our faith in Jesus Christ and experience His life-changing power, we do get the benefits of peace, guidance, and purpose that come along with being a true Christian. But these are not the reasons we follow Jesus, they are only by-products of the choice to put our faith in Him.

So, why am I writing this? Most of my readers already are familiar with the gospel. Isn’t this a bit redundant?

I don’t think so, and here’s why: If you aren’t caught up in a few lies about the gospel, chances are pretty high that many others around you are. Mark 13:22 tells us that in the last days even the elect would be deceived, if possible. I believe we are living in those days. And that means there are a lot of variations on the true gospel.

It has been twisted into various forms. A few popular ones I can think of are the self-centered form — we come to God for material wealth, answers to selfish prayers, or happiness. We expect Him to fix our lives just the way we want. Another very popular form is filled with “extra-biblical” things we need to do in order to be saved — such as pray to Jesus’s mother or special saints, witness door-to-door, or follow certain rules. Any time there is anything other than faith in Jesus Christ alone, the true gospel has been twisted irreparably.

My dear friends, I pray that you know Jesus as your personal savior today. If you do not know Him, then I pray that you will soon! How I wish I could truly express the deep love I feel for Him and what He has done for me. The older I get the more I realize just how sinful I am. While I can see myself becoming more like Jesus in certain areas (an outworking of the Holy Spirit in my life), my eyes are also opened a little more each day to the depth of my sinfulness. Oh, how thankful I am for the sacrifice Jesus made for me! Jesus just grows sweeter and sweeter to me each year. How I long for you to have that salvation, and the peace and joy that comes along with it, as well!

If you do know Him, then I pray that you would want to share this with your world. Don’t be shy! Easter week is a great week to share the gospel with your circle of unbelieving family, friends, and acquaintances. Many are terrified by what they see happening in the world and even their communities. Many are without hope, seeing no sense of purpose or reason to what’s going on in their families, their work places, and on the news. But if you follow Christ, you have answers! Don’t be afraid to share them.

I end here with the chorus of a familiar hymn that reminds us of the great blessing of the cross. May we live in the victorious glow of it each and every day–

Calvary covers it all
My past with its sin and stain;
My gilt and despair Jesus took on Him there,
And Calvary covers it all.

Oh, praise God, Calvary cover it all!

If you like this post, I would appreciate it very much if you would share it with others. That is the only way I know of getting the word out. Thanks so much! :)