How Do I Respond to My Enemies?

2 Comments / April 23, 2018

So often Christians find themselves at odd with other Christians. There will be two true believers who just do not agree. Whether it’s a disagreement over something as simple as a remodeling project at church or it’s a deeper issue of how a certain scripture passage should be interpreted, we will always find someone that we will disagree with about something.

What keeps two people who disagree with each other from being enemies? What brings true Christian unity?

Please keep in mind that this post is referring to unity between true believers and not to the “fake” unity that warmly embraces all perversions of the Gospel and even religions that don’t adhere to the Gospel at all to be unified under the broad term of “Christianity”. We know that this kind of unity is not biblical, according to Galatians 1:9–

As we have said before, so now I say again, if anyone preaches any other gospel to you than what you have received, let him be accursed.

But there is something that is called true, Christian unity. This unity can only exist between brothers and sisters in Christ. This kind of unity keeps us moving toward the same goals and embracing the same purpose. This unity builds bridges instead of walls. It will fill Christians with loving concern for one another instead of filling them with grudges, resentment, and jealousy.

This sounds so wonderful, doesn’t it? But it is often hard to find. Why is this?

Why does someone decide they do not like someone?

Sometimes we don’t care for someone based on a shallow, silly thing. And then there are also better reasons, based on things like biblical error or a prideful, arrogant spirit that is consistently divisive.

But we have to ask ourselves: Are any of these reasons good enough? If you were to stand before God today and tell Him your reason for not liking a certain person, would He say, “Way to go, my child. I agree with you completely.” ??

Of course we know the answer, don’t we? Because we know that God is love. We shouldn’t view anyone as an enemy, much less a brother or sister in Christ.

Romans 12:8 puts it like this–

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

We should, to the best of our ability, work at being at peace with everyone, believer and non-believer. This verse naturally brings two thoughts to my mind.

First, what if someone won’t be at unity with me?

Of course, since we know that the world will hate us (John 15:19), we know that it isn’t always possible to be at peace with those in the world. But sometimes it is a fellow Christian who refuses to forgive us. Or perhaps they just don’t like us but won’t tell us why. What then? These kinds of situations are heart-breaking and lead to feelings of helplessness as we try to navigate the back-biting, the whispering, and the cold shoulders.

I have a friend who taught me an important lesson about this very thing. Our daughters were playing soccer together and something happened to her little girl that could have started some real drama on the team. And this was her advice to her daughter, “kill them with kindness”. I heard her say that so often when her daughter would feel slighted or frustrated about something. And then, following her example, I started to say this to my kids. Yes, this is what we are called to do.

In fact, Jesus takes it even further in Matthew 5:43-44, telling us to love them, bless them, do good to them, and to pray for them!–

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.

This is a tall order, is it not? But there it is. Commanded by Jesus in the Holy Bible. Instead of gossiping, instead of returning the coldness, instead of resentment or anger, we love, we bless, we do good things, and we pray for them.

But we do this because it is right, not because it will necessarily change anything. Let’s go back to the beginning of Romans 12:18–

“if it is possible, as much as it depends on you”

We know from these words that Paul realized it isn’t always possible. It is part of living life as a sinner, alongside sinners, in a fallen world. Sometimes we just have to follow Jesus’s words and find contentment even when there is no resolution and no forgiveness. A hard thing, indeed. But, you know what? This is just another thing that God uses to grow us and to teach us that we must find our peace and joy in Him alone.

Second, we won’t be best friends with everyone.

Even among truly unified Christian brothers and sisters, there will be those who are “kindred spirits” and those who are not. And that’s okay. But so often special friendships between Christians are viewed with resentment or jealousy. As believers we should realize that we will be better friends with some than others. It is how God designed us. Remember David and Jonathan? If you read I Samuel 18, you will realize that their friendship was very special. Once in a while, God will bring these special Christian friends into our world. They are true treasures and, instead of feeling jealous, we should be glad for others if they have found a special friend.

If we are still longing for this type of friendship, then pray and ask God to bring you a friend. I remember as a young mom feeling the need for this type of friend and so, unbeknownst to me, my mom started praying. And within a year or so of her prayers, God led me to Deb. We realized we were kindred spirits as we sat in a group of women and chatted and, shortly after, became best friends. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer if you need a friend!

And then there are those fellow Christians in our lives who could never be a kindred spirit. In fact, some of them drive us a little crazy. We may feel guilty if we don’t appreciate a Christian brother or sister like we know we should. What then?

God made us all different and certain personalities may grate on us. We may find them hard to get along with or their mannerisms alone might irritate us. They may be boastful or arrogant.

But if we take a look at Philippians 2:1-2, we have to acknowledge that God doesn’t give us any caveat for difficult people–

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, 2 fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.

We are to be like-minded with all Christians–as much as it depends on us. We obviously can’t control the other person.

So how do we do this? How can we be like-minded? These verses show us–we have the same love, the same accord, the same mind as our fellow Christians. This can only be done if we are diligently studying the scriptures together, submitting our desires and wills to God, joyfully obeying the commands we find there, while increasing our knowledge of God. When people are not getting along, it often goes back to this. Biblical illiteracy once again rears its ugly head in church matters.

And, along with knowing God’s Word, we find the oil that keeps things working together smoothly in Colossians 3:14–

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I Corinthians 13:4-6 gives us a description of this love that will break down barriers and bind Christians together in perfect unity–

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And I Peter 4:8 is further confirmation of this idea that love will bring unity–

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Even when we don’t particularly appreciate a fellow Christian, we can love them. We are commanded to love them. And we should thank the Lord for them, for they are helping us to grow in patience and self-control!

Enemies are just part of life. If we are going to take any stand at all on the things that matter, we will have enemies. We cannot control how they treat us, but we can control how we treat them. And let’s intentionally work at not having needless enemies. We must back away from the stuff that doesn’t matter. Will it matter in a hundred years what color carpet is used in the church? Is a slight difference in how someone interprets the book of Revelation really a cause for division? Let’s wisely and, oh so carefully, choose our battles. Most hills we choose to stand on are just not worth dying on. We don’t always have to be right. We don’t always have to have our way. So often it just doesn’t matter.

And most of all, when we find ourselves in the midst of a heated disagreement with a fellow Christian or facing a full-blown enemy, then let’s love them. Love them, bless them, do good to them, and pray for them. If you don’t remember anything else from this post, I hope you will remember these words of Jesus.

 

How Do You Listen to Gossip?

6 Comments / April 19, 2018

Have you ever had one of those conversations where you are talking about a TV show like it’s really happening? The people, the situations, the happenings? I had one of those the other day and as I walked away from that conversation, I realized that we often have more loyalty for and kindness and grace towards people on TV.

I know it seems silly to even compare the two, since we are obviously personally affected by real people so that makes all the difference in the world, but it does seem sad that we can keep so level-headed and impartial when discussing TV friends and completely lose that when discussing real people.

Of course, we shouldn’t really be discussing real people most of the time. Sure, there are instances where we need to work through a problem with a trusted, godly friend or mentor, but, overall, we should not be talking about people. Ephesians 4:29 says this: Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

But this is not a post about spreading or speaking gossip. It’s a post about listening to gossip and our subsequent actions after we’ve heard it.

So many of us hear will listen to someone talk about someone and, instead of defending them or kindly asking them to stop, we will just jump right in and join the conversation. Or we will listen without speaking while making assumptions that will change our friendship with the person being spoken about. There is no grace. No kindness. No loyalty.

Or perhaps someone will talk about someone behind their back, telling you terrible things that person said about you. What do you do? Do you do what you should?

This happened to friends of ours. But let me first give some background. We had made a really, really tough decision after much prayer and agony. Because of the nature of the decision, there were many rumors flying around about us and lies told. We know of at least three specific lies that were told about us that made their way to our ears “through the grapevine”.

But only one couple actually loved us enough to call us. The wife called and asked us specifically if we had said such-and-such about them. My heart sank when I realized that someone I had trusted had said such a vicious thing about us. But, even in my dismay, I realized that this couple–instead of believing the worst–loved us enough to confront us and ask us about it.

We lost a lot of friends through those swirls of rumors and accusations, but these two remain our friends to this day. They exemplified what true biblical love and friendship are. They didn’t believe the worst about us, as seems to be the natural thing to do, but they bravely went right to the source. They cared enough to ask.

So what do we do when we hear gossip? Do we automatically believe it? Do we jump on the bandwagon and join the fun? Do we internalize it and allow it to create a cool distance with the person who has absolutely no idea what was said behind their back?

We have to be oh, so careful of this, don’t we? So many of us who wouldn’t ever be caught gossiping just aren’t very good at listening to gossip.

So how should we listen to gossip? Let’s see what scripture says–

First, we should view them as innocent until proven guilty. If there is a personal accusation involved, ask them lovingly and kindly if the words spoken are true. If they aren’t, move on. If they are, forgive and move on. Life is just too short for grudges. It really is. (Of course, this is the “simplified model” of relationships and it doesn’t always work. Especially with those who have no evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in their lives.)

Colossians 3:12-14  Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

Second, we should not let it affect our relationship with them. Does it really matter? Does it affect you personally? If the answer is no (and most times it is) then just continue your relationship with that person. Remember that you don’t know any of the details at all. You don’t know the situations, the circumstances, the agony, the fear, the anxiety that was all part of that person’s journey to whatever choice they made. Unless it is something that is currently hurting you, them, or others around them, just forget you heard it. We all have done things in the past we aren’t proud of, am I right??

Luke 6:31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. 

Third, if what you hear is about a Christian involved in sin (such as that person is involved in an affair or addicted to a substance), prayerfully consider speaking to them about it. Talk with a trusted leader in your church or some other godly person you know to ask for their advice.

Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

Fourth, pray for that person. Instead of letting gossip fill your heart with disgust or anger or frustration, let it fill your heart with love and compassion that will remind you to pray. Oh, how often we accuse, examine, and talk about without ever lifting that person up before the throne of Grace.

James 5:16 Confess your trespasses[e] to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Fifth, and when appropriate, steer the conversation a different way. You be the one to change the course of the discussion. Instead of joining, be the deflector. Instead of listening, be the one who changes the direction.

Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

 

As always, I offer this post not as someone who has this nailed down but, instead, as a lowly servant of Jesus Christ who still struggles with all of this. As I write, I can see so many weaknesses in my own handling of gossip. God’s Word powerfully convicts you and me to grow in our faith and move beyond the status quo Christianity that so easily ensnares us.

I leave you with these beautiful verses from I Corinthians 13. We most often hear these spoken at weddings, as two people pledge their lives to one another. But perhaps we should read them every day. They remind us of not only the spirit with which we should listen to gossip, but also give us a pattern for how we should treat others in every other way, as well.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

 

 

The Chains of “Cool”

4 Comments / April 16, 2018

I am not sure what the latest word is that would describe someone who is dressed in the latest fashions and has the latest everything. We used to say they were “cool” and then “hip”. I am not sure what that word is now. (Yes, I know I am definitely showing my age here, but hopefully you will stick with me…)

When we were teens we were so driven by peer pressure. Can you remember those days? When I was in high school, the “in” thing to have was designer jeans. Jordache, Calvin Klein, and Gloria Vanderbilt jeans were the thing to wear. We didn’t have a lot of money growing up but my mom took me school shopping late one summer and we found a good deal on Calvin Klein jeans. Wow, those jeans made me feel amazing! I finally looked “cool” (at least I thought I did–I’m not sure that anyone else thought that!)

We often think peer pressure is for young ones and goes away as we get older, but it really doesn’t. For some of us it does get better, but for many of us we continue to live driven by what people think of us.

Now, before we dig a little deeper into this subject of adult peer pressure, there is value in considering the thoughts and feelings of others. Paul talks about this in I Corinthians 8, where he is discussing things eaten to idols. In verse 9 he reminds us that we should think of others as we make choices that we have the freedom to make in Christ–

But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak.

There are many other verses in the New Testament that would encourage us to think of and love others (check out Philippians 2:3-4, I Corinthians 13, and I John 3).

So, of course, we know we must consider the thoughts and feelings of others. But notice that these verses are always “others” centered. Every one of the verses above and any other verse you will find about how we treat others in the New Testament is based on minimizing self, while focusing our attention on the other person.

Contrast this thought to the chains of “cool” (as I call them), which are completely focused on self. They are an obsession with making sure that we are thought of highly, that people think we have it all. They bring a preoccupation with the world’s styles, trends, and happenings. These chains keep us from speaking up about God and from sharing the Gospel. They are often the driving force behind the laughs at dirty jokes and the silent participation in things we know God hates.

These chains become a prison from which no action can be done without first thinking of its affect on what people will think of us. Rather than God’s desires and looking to His Word, these chains become the driving force behind what we wear, what we watch, what we do.

They are really a tiresome and ugly taskmaster but no one seems to care all that much. Looking like everyone else around us can become such an ingrained idol, that we soon grow used to those chains, forgetting the wonderful freedom we have in Christ.

(You have to wonder what kind of role peer pressure has played in history. Was it part of how Hitler became the chancellor of Germany and convinced young people to take part in the genocide of Jews? Is it how he got the German Christians to ignore what was going on around them? It is a powerful, powerful tool in the hands of the wrong man.)

So how do we make sure that peer pressure isn’t what is driving us personally? How do we keep free from the bondage of those chains of “cool”?

The first place (and really only place) to look for answers is the Bible. It is a hard discussion to have because what the Bible teaches goes against all that the world and even the church is saying currently. The world is telling us we must be like them in order to have any respect at all. The world would have us give up all biblical convictions and cave on the most basic of principles in order to be liked by them. This has led to great compromise, as we watch more and more churches capitulate to the demands of the world. Meanwhile, the mainstream church is saying we must be like the world to win the world. The great sin of the day is irrelevance. One has to wonder how low the view of God must be for someone who perpetuates this viewpoint but it is incredibly popular. So much so that it is now woven into the thought patterns of most young people and many old ones, as well. But, as we will will see below, this is actually in opposition to what the Bible teaches.

Let’s unpack this a bit and look at what God has to say about these things.

First, let’s look at what our view of the world’s opinions should be. There are many verses that talk about how we should view the world, but I am going to share James 4:4, which makes it extremely clear–

Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

There is no ambiguity here. You cannot be friends with the world and with God at the same time. Think of a big river. The world is headed one way and the Christian is swimming upstream in the other direction, in complete opposition to the world. We cannot be swimming downstream and still claim to be God’s child. James couldn’t be any clearer on this point.

Practically speaking, this means that while there is nothing innately wrong with dressing stylishly or going to the movies or whatever, the driving force behind our choice should never be our desire to be like everyone else. Our choices shouldn’t be driven by our fear of the world’s derision, marginalization, and persecution.

Now, if you are being honest with yourself at this point, you will agree with me that this is much easier to write and read than to live out. We are naturally driven by our desire to fit in. It takes great intention and strength to stand out like a sore thumb in the midst of a crowd. It is not an easy path. But we know it is the path of the Christian. Jesus tells us this in John 15:19–

If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.

And Paul confirms Jesus’s words in 2 Timothy 3:12–

Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.

These aren’t our favorite verses and I rather guess they are rarely chosen for Bible memory, and yet these are just two verses of many more that would remind us that we will not be loved by the world if we walk with Jesus Christ.

I don’t love to be reminded of this any more than you do, but it is the truth, according to the Bible.

Now, let’s look a bit at the church’s argument that we won’t win anyone to the Gospel without being like them. What does the Bible have to say about this?

The verse that always comes to mind when this discussion comes up is John 6:44–

No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day.

In this verse, Jesus reminds us that it is the Father who draws man unto Himself. There is nothing we can do to make someone become saved.  Ephesians 1:3-6 further elaborates on this same theme–

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.

These verses teach us that the salvation of those we love and care about is not based on what we do or do not do. Now, that being said, God does choose to use us to win souls for Him. But what we must remember is that He doesn’t need us. These verses shouldn’t keep us from sharing the Gospel but they should most definitely keep us from compromising our convictions and participating in sinful things under the guise of “winning people to Christ”. God chooses to use us but He doesn’t need our compromise and dalliances with the world to further His kingdom. In contrast, James would tell us to remain unspotted from the world (James 1:27). (And may I suggest that prayer would be a much better way to win those we love. God answers prayer! It is a much more effective tool than worldliness!)

I wish I could tell you that I have never worn the chains of “cool”. I really do. But, unfortunately, sometimes before I even realize it, I find myself in bondage to them once again. Thankfully, the Word is the key that unlocks the lock to those chains. When I get back into the Word, when I stay in the Word, that is when I am least vulnerable to these chains.

If you find yourself really driven by what other people think of you, I hope that you will get into the Word and dig deeper into this subject. There is so much there that I wasn’t able to include in this short post.

Let’s unlock that lock and shake off those chains, so that we can be vibrant, courageous, and unwavering testimonies for Christ.

Are You Treating God Like Your Personal Genie?

Leave a Comment / April 12, 2018

At the beginning of this year, I asked God to teach me how to pray. I have felt for a long time that this is an area of my life that is sorely lacking. It’s not that I haven’t been praying at all but I was keenly aware that when it came to the topic of prayer, I was just not what I was supposed to be.

God has been answering my prayer and He is teaching me a lot. One of the things He has been teaching me I’d like to share with you here today. We probably all know this already (I did), but sometimes a good reminder is just what is needed to get us back on the right path.

Somehow in 2018 we have landed in a world that is all about self. Self-advancement, Self-centeredness, Self-indulgence, Self-aggrandizement. All of life is all about self for most everyone. We can see this in our workplaces, restaurants, stores, sports fields, and even in our churches. We especially see this in families, where moms and dads are often off busy chasing their dreams while they leave their kids to be raised by strangers. This is probably worth a post itself but I really just needed this paragraph to remind us of how selfish we really have become as a whole in this current age.

And, as believers, while we know we are to be the opposite of all of the above, we can sometimes get caught up in this, as well. Sometimes without thinking. And I believe one of the ways this happens is in our prayer lives.

How often do we treat God like our personal genie? Asking only for the things we need and want personally? Asking (and maybe sometimes even demanding?) for the things that affect us in some way. And yet how often we never find the time to spend time praising and thanking God or to bring the requests of others before His throne.

As I was thinking about this a bit this morning, I thought of my relationship with my kids. If all they ever did was to ask for things from me or to use me and my resources to their advantage, I would not feel very loved. And I think we can say that this would be an indication that they don’t love me. At the very least, we can be sure that they love themselves more than they love me. This doesn’t really lead to a healthy relationship, does it?

James 4:3 describes a skewed prayer life by putting it like this: You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

When we ask out of wrong and selfish motives, we ask amiss. Sometimes we can fall into this pattern without thinking–trying to use our relationship with the Almighty, Omnipotent Creator to our own advantage. We can find ourselves always asking, always taking.

So how do we keep this from happening? What steps can we take to have a healthier prayer life? Here are five things that will help–

1. Spend the first few minutes of our prayer time in praise and adoration.

2. Spend some time thanking God for answered prayer requests. Thank Him for how He has worked in our life and for what He has already provided.

3. Spend time in His Word with a submissive and obedient heart, reading what He has to say to us with a willingness to live it out.

4. Submit our wills to God’s with all requests. Never demand, but ask with a heart that will take “No” for an answer without getting mopey or holding a grudge.

5. Live righteously before God, pleasing Him with our actions and obeying His commands, so that He knows we truly do love Him and we don’t just view Him as our magic genie in the sky.

Prayer is a tough thing, especially now that it has been hijacked. Satan has badly mangled it by bringing contemplative prayer to the scene, turning it into a self-centered (notice that word “self” yet again) time of experience and feelings. But prayer isn’t about what we can get. It’s about God and our relationship with Him. It is an opportunity for us to praise and worship God each and every day. It is an opportunity for us to submit our wills and lives to Him as a living sacrifice. AND it is also an opportunity to bring our requests before Him. Yes, we should do this. He wants us to do this. But let’s be careful that selfish requests aren’t the only thing we are bringing before Him, lest we fall into the trap of treating God like He is our personal genie, waiting to do our bidding.

 

P.S. If you want to know how to pray biblically, Jesus told us Himself in Matthew 6:9-13–

Pray then like this:

“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.[a]
10 Your kingdom come,
your will be done,[b]
    on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us this day our daily bread,[c]
12 and forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from evil.[d]

Notice that He doesn’t tell us to be silent before Him or to wait for Him to speak to us. If this was critical to our personal prayer time, I am quite sure Jesus would have mentioned that here where He is teaching His disciples how to pray. The fact that this type of prayer is never recommended in scripture anywhere should be enough to keep us far away from this type of mystical praying that comes straight from eastern religions and Catholic monasticism and has nothing to with biblical prayer.

 

The Team Behind the Scenes

14 Comments / April 9, 2018

I started Growing4Life on a whim in June of 2010. I had no expectations or dreams. My daughter had told me about this new thing called “blogging” and I just decided that this would be a quick, easy, and fun way to use my love for writing to point people to God and His Word. Eventually I started writing twice a week, on Mondays and Thursdays, which I have been doing for quite some time now.

It wasn’t until 2015 that God used a post that went viral to grow my reach here and, while I do trust His wisdom, I’d be lying if I didn’t say it scared me a LOT. I was used to my little subscriber list and small following on Facebook. I wasn’t sure I was prepared for thousands of subscribers or Facebook followers. In fact, I was pretty sure I wasn’t prepared. But, given solid advice from godly people who love me, I soldiered on, writing in the same way I had always written, although a bit more unsure and certainly a lot less confident.

This blog can sometimes be a source of trial for me. I write what I write because I believe it is true, according to God’s Word. But, of course, this is not always received well in this day and age of rampant false teaching and in this current church culture that is obsessed with positive thinking and falsely believes that any negative words are sinful (by the way, no where in scripture is this line of thinking supported). This can sometimes lead to some pretty difficult trials of which I could never write or talk about here.

While I think I am viewed as someone who is strong and courageous, I am actually neither. I am dismayed when people are upset with me or don’t like me. I hate when I don’t please people. As you can imagine, this has led me to some very difficult times. And I know that I would not continue to write through those hard times without the “support team” that God has built up around me. I think it’s time that I introduce them to you–

My husband, Eric–I would not be writing if not for him. He encourages and supports me as I write. He has wisely counseled me to refrain from writing about certain topics, to remove a post, or to word something differently. We face the inevitable storms that come with this type of blog together as a united team. I know without a doubt that I would not be writing if it was not the steadfast and loving support of my husband. I am grateful beyond words for his wisdom and for his love for the truth. We are united in our concern for others and in our commitment to the sufficiency of scripture. I am pretty sure that Growing4Life would not exist without this member of my team.

Our kids–Eric and I are blessed to have three daughters and a son, as well as two sons-in-law and a daughter-in-law, as part of this team in an “unofficial capacity”. Some of them show their support by reading the blog faithfully,  proof-reading posts, or talking things through with me when I feel uncertain about a post. But they all show their support by participating in family discussions about God and His Word which will often be the starting point of future posts. These conversations have us digging into the Word to find out what God has to say about some very difficult and sometimes unpopular topics, as we all seek to be a light to those around us. But beyond that, my family makes me laugh, they help me not take myself too seriously, and they keep me humble. I am so grateful for all of them.

My parents–My parents are a never-ending source of encouragement and wisdom. I can (and do) share anything with them and I know that they will direct me in a godly way. When I am down, they encourage me to stay the course. They pray for me as I write and face the inevitable trials that come with speaking the truth. I am blessed beyond measure and so thankful that they raised my brother and me to love the Lord and to stand strong in biblical convictions, no matter the cost.

My brother–If you’ve been around awhile, you have heard me mention Pastor Dean, my younger brother by seventeen months. He loves and knows the Word better than anyone else I know. He loved the Bible and started studying it about the time I was just starting to focus my attention on boys. He continued in that love and his study of the Word into his teen years and then on into his college years. As I got married and raised kids, he went to seminary to grow in his knowledge of the Word. All these years later, I find myself often turning to my younger brother for biblical wisdom and answers to hard questions. His answers are never based on his opinion but on what the Bible says. I know that he is dedicated to the sufficiency of scripture and that he will never compromise for his own benefit or to be popular. Because I know him, I know that he is 100% trustworthy. Notice I didn’t say perfect. I, of all people, know that he is not perfect! :) I have been blessed greatly by his ministry and he has encouraged me, helped me understand hard passages, and reminded me of when I just need to admit I can’t understand.

Sometimes I feel that perhaps my purpose here is to draw people to his ministry. He is greatly gifted in expositing the Word, which he does every week in a small church in Ohio. You can check his sermons out here.

As I write the above, I fear that you will think my family is perfect. But, of course, it isn’t. We are sinners and we most certainly do not always get along. However, we are united in our love for the Lord, a real rarity these days in a family and this united love for our Savior is really a big part of what God uses to continue to give me the strength to write about the unpopular truths of scripture.

You see, I believe it is important to write about all of scripture–not just what is popular. And so I do want to write here about God’s love and His grace and His mercy. I want to write about how much He cares about us as we face big troubles and small ones. These are comforting messages. But I am also compelled to write about holiness and sin and false teachers and all of the other things that we can clearly see in God’s Word.

And I am pretty sure I would have quit a long time ago, if not for my supportive family. But there is one more member of this team that I have not mentioned and that is…YOU.

So many of you, maybe even unknowingly, are a critical part of the Growing4Life support team. When I pray and ask the Lord, “Should I continue? Is this what you want?” Inevitably, one of you writes a word of encouragement. When I tell the Lord, “this is just too hard,” He often uses one of you to remind me of why I am writing. I cannot even begin to share the amount of times I have been ready to quit and God gently reminds me that He is not finished with this yet by using one (and sometimes several) of you at just the right time. His timing is always impeccable and I have seen that over and over again since the inception of this blog. Some of you have gone on to become friends, supporting me and my family and this blog ministry in prayer and regularly encouraging me. One of the wonderful things about the internet is how it can draw like-minded people together.

And so, although I have mentioned this here before, I just want to thank you once again. If you have been encouraged and challenged here at Growing 4 Life and have taken the time to tell me, then you have been an integral part of the support team here. Words of encouragement are a very powerful tool to build up, just as words of discouragement are a very powerful weapon to destroy. I thank those of you who have used your words to encourage me. God has used you to keep me going.

Life is hard under any circumstances, but it is a lot harder when lived in the scrutiny of the public eye. I am not sure I would have started writing this blog had I been aware of what the Lord had in store for me. But here I am. I want nothing more than to be used by Him for His glory. I have no other desire than to point people to Him and to realize that His Word is sufficient for all of our Christian life. This is not my blog, it is His. If He makes it clear that it is time to stop writing, I will gladly give it up. But He is daily providing me with the strength and courage to continue through the support of my family and also through your support. By His grace, and until He makes it clear that I am to move in a different direction, I will keep going.

No one in the public eye is without a team in the background. And I, even in my relatively small public eye, am no different. So now you know my team. God has graciously provided this support team for me and I am deeply, deeply grateful to Him.

There isn’t much to take away from this post by way of application. But I would offer this one challenge: Take some time today to consider your support team. God has given us all ministries. Who is supporting and encouraging you as you serve the Lord in the opportunities He has provided you? Why not take some time today to thank them?

How to Cheat Death

4 Comments / April 2, 2018

Coffee is good for you. Oh, wait. No, they changed their minds. Coffee is bad for you. The “powers that be” can’t seem to decide if drinking coffee benefits us or if it causes cancer. This has happened with eggs and butter and red meat and countless other foods. We were to have a low fat diet and then it was a “right fat” diet. We were to eliminate carbs. Oh, wait, no that won’t work. Diet recommendations are in constant and fluid change, leaving the public in a constant state of wondering: Am I killing myself by what I eat?

It can be exhausting, can’t it? I am all for being a good steward of my body. I do believe we have a responsibility to eat in such a way that we are keeping ourselves as healthy as we can. But food is not sinful. Eating a brownie with ice cream is not sinful. And that’s the mindset that has invaded this culture. We believe it is more sinful to eat a sugar-laden dessert than to watch a sin-filled movie. What is wrong with this picture?

Why do we care so much? What is driving us? Sure, it is probably to look and feel good. But I wonder how much of it is to prolong our lives. If we do x, y, and z, we won’t die as early. This is what we are promised by the research and the reports. And yet, we see over and over again that no diet is a guarantee. We watch people with horrible diets last well into their 90s and, on the flipside, we see people who dedicate themselves to an organic, pure diet be diagnosed with cancer. These things do not compute with what we are being told, do they?

I am not implying that we should eat anything we want whenever we want. No, not at all. But I wonder if our obsession with food and what we should eat and shouldn’t eat is pleasing to our heavenly Father? And just what are our motives for our feelings about food?

I believe that many of us struggle with this and I just wonder how legitimate this is. Are we driven because of what God says or are we driven because of what the world is telling us? It is important that we make this distinction.

The world tells us that if we eat in a certain way we will stay young, eliminate wrinkles, remove our aches and pains, and live forever. It’s all about maintaining the glory of “youth”. But no diet–no matter how pure– is going to keep us from growing old. We do realize this, right? Somehow, we have to find that delicate balance of eating well and yet still find a way to occasionally enjoy a piece of birthday cake or McDonald’s french fries without feeling guilty.

So if our diet can’t help us cheat death, then are we left hopeless?

No, actually, we aren’t. There is only one way to cheat death and that is by trusting in Jesus as our Savior. He gives us eternal life in a place that is far better than on this fallen earth (John 3:15; John 10:28; Romans 6:23).

Only Jesus can do what no special diet can do. We have to remember that 100% of men die. Men can connive and invent and work to keep it from happening, but they will never succeed. Everyone dies. The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23) Our only hope for an abundant and wonderful eternal life is found in Jesus. By grace alone through faith alone.

So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. 55 O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? 56 The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

58 Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord. I Corinthians 15:54-58

So let’s eat smart but let’s enjoy life. Let’s work to find a balance. We do have food freedom in Christ. We have to stop believing that we can control our destinies and cheat death by what we eat. Of course we should do our best to be healthy, but there is nothing in scripture that says that weighing a few extra pounds over what the “powers that be” deem appropriate is sinful. There is no command in scripture that states “thou shalt not eat sugar or fried foods”. Our physical health and well-being has become a great distraction for many of us. It is not wrong to give some attention to the food we put in our mouths, but how about we end our obsession with it and start being obsessed with knowing the Word? As Paul says in I Timothy 4:8–

 For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come.

 

 

 

The Essential Importance of the Cross

2 Comments / March 29, 2018

On Sunday we will celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. God’s Son who died on a cruel cross on Calvary was raised again to give us victory over sin and death. We are saved by grace alone through faith alone. According to scripture, there is no other way for us to be saved (John 14:6; Ephesians 2:8-9).

Sadly, Satan has warped the message of the cross since….well, probably since Jesus died on it. We can see this in Paul’s letters to the churches. Already, Satan was busy warping the Gospel and deceiving believers as well as unbelievers (2 Corinthians 4:4; 2 Corinthians 11:13-14).

A Gospel that is changed even a little bit is not the true Gospel.

While Satan has always been busy eroding, attacking, and distorting the Gospel, I am not sure it’s ever been with such a push as now. It’s almost as if he knows his rule of this world is coming to a close.

He has always been busy convincing people that they must add works to the cross in order to be saved, such as in Roman Catholicism, Mormonism, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and many other branches of “Christianity”–even including legalistic “Christians” who would add rules that need to be followed in order to be saved. This continues to be one of his main distortions but in the last forty years or so he has strengthened his efforts (and he has been by and large successful!) to unify the true church with those who would be following a works-based salvation.

He is convincing people to give lip service to the cross but to bypass it in practices like lectio divina and contemplative prayer, which are mystical practices that lead people to believe that they can be close to God without the cross. He has persuaded so many that it is impossible to be close to God without hearing personally from Him, without experiencing visions, without supernatural events, etc.. All of this removes the focus of our faith from Christ’s finished work on the cross to our personal experiences.

He whispers in the ears of others that there is some good in them (Romans 3:12 tells us otherwise) and that Jesus simply died to make them whole and to give them a better life.

He has also convinced many that God would never send anyone to hell. Because men don’t like to think of God in this way (in spite of what scripture teaches us in Matthew 10:28 and Mark 9:43), men turn away from it and fall for something called “universalism”–that Christ died for all and all are saved, no matter if they call on Jesus or not. This is clearly denounced in scripture in many places but especially in John 14:6.

And, of course, Satan loves to convince people that their biggest mission is to make this world a better place. Called by the name of the social gospel, it is all about fixing the temporal problems of this world and yet rarely, if ever, includes sharing the Gospel with those to whom they are ministering. Sparing them physical hardship, they fail to given them the opportunity to be spared eternal damnation.

These warped views of the Gospel have invaded almost every nook and cranny of Christianity today. For many, they are in your own churches in the form of seminars, curriculum, books, or special speakers. They come by way of blog posts and emails from friends or family members. And they are promoted by even some of the most trusted, religious leaders of our day.

When anything comes our way, we must ask ourselves–is this taking the focus off of the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross? Is it adding something I must do in order to be reconciled with God?

The cross has been and will always be the central doctrine of true Christianity. Christ died to satisfy God’s wrath against man (Romans 3:23-26). Our only hope to be reconciled to God is to repent of our sins and to place our faith in Christ (Romans 5:1). There are no works we can do or any special program we can follow to skip this step (Ephesians 2:8-9). The pure, unadulterated Gospel is the only Gospel that saves.

As we approach Resurrection Sunday, I want to encourage you to really think about all that is going on around you in the “Christian” world. What “gospel” is being preached? Compare everything to scripture, for it is only there that we find truth. It is our only anchor. And as the world around us grows more and more treacherous, our need for that anchor will increase.

In reading Jude yesterday, I was struck by its final verses–

How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts. 19 These be they who separate themselves, sensual, having not the Spirit.

20 But ye, beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost,21 Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.

22 And of some have compassion, making a difference:23 And others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire; hating even the garment spotted by the flesh.

24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,25 To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.

By these verses, we can see that in the last days it will continue to get worse and worse. Our instructions are found in verses 20-21– we are to build ourselves up in the holy faith (which can only be done by faithfully being in the Word), prayer, and by keeping ourselves in the love of God, all while looking for the mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. If we skip down to verse 24, we see that it is God who will keep us from falling during this time. He Who will present us faultless before the presence of His glory has complete power and absolute sovereignty over all that is happening. We must turn to Him in this time.

Jesus Christ died on the cross to save us from our sins. There is no other “interpretation” or any works that must be added to His finished work to save men from their sins. God, who is infinite and omnipotent, has made a way for us to be reconciled to Him and it is only through the death and resurrection of His Son. Praise God!

 

Releasing Our Grip

4 Comments / March 19, 2018

Who do you depend on?

Most everyone that calls themselves a Christian says “God” because they know that is the right answer. But is it really a truthful answer?

The one thing I find that an easy life breeds is dependence upon self. We don’t really have to depend upon God if we have our physical needs met, our relationships in order, and all aspects of our lives going just as planned. While we enjoy those times, it takes much more effort to be intentional and purposeful at keeping our focus on God and to remember that we rely on Him for even our very breath. Oh, don’t get me wrong–we can most certainly glorify God and grow in the good times. But it’s when we are forced to release our {supposed} control on our lives that the reality of our Christian life has the opportunity to shine with authenticity and to confirm our claims that we depend on God.

There is an old Christmas movie that ends with a little girl in great distress running out of the house and climbing up a tree to one of the top branches. The branch she is holding on to cracks and she knows she is going to fall. The man of the house comes running out and stands beneath the tree with his arms outstretched as he promises to catch her.

“Let go, Zoe,” he says, “you can trust me.”

Zoe closes her eyes, releases her grip, and, screaming all the way down, lands in the strong arms of the man.

In a way, this reminds me of our relationship with God. We are holding on to the world. So. Tightly. And we are doing fine. Even better than fine. Some of us even make a comfortable nest in the tree, not recognizing the frailty of the branch that is holding us. And then the wind starts to howl. Sometimes we can see the storm on the horizon and we have time to prepare or sometimes it comes without any warning at all. But, no matter how it comes, we end up with a cracked branch. And, suddenly, we are forced to recognize our vulnerable state. But right below us is our Heavenly Father with outstretched arms, coaxing us to release our grip and promising to catch us.

All of our failures, our broken relationships, the hard times–God uses each one to release our grip on this world just a little bit more. Some of them send us falling into His safe and strong arms. At least for a little while. But then, if we aren’t careful, we find ourselves scurrying right back up into that tree that represents all of the things of this temporal world.

The other day at the store, the cashier started talking about the state of this world. I sensed that she knew the Lord and I had the opportunity to enjoy a short conversation with her, in which I tried to encourage her with the reminder that none of this is outside of the Lord’s control. She smiled and said, “you are sure right about that,” and then went on to share with me how the Lord had taken such amazing care of her and her husband through the death of her son and then subsequent illness of her husband that brought with it an inability to work. She smiled as she said it and I could see that the Lord had indeed been faithful to her and her family.

But this conversation was a good reminder for both of us, I think. If our grip is tight on this world, then the state of it and where it’s headed is absolutely terrifying. And if our grip is tight on this world, then the changes and the diseases and deaths of those we love not only gets us down but they can potentially shipwreck our faith or, at the very least, eliminate our effectiveness for God’s Kingdom.

Only eternal perspective yields peace.

God has really been working on me in this area. I have so far to go. He graciously continues to teach me that my joy and peace cannot be grounded in the precarious, worldly branch of my choosing but that I must be grounded in the immutable and immovable love of the Father, trusting in His Sovereignty.

As life changes over the years I can feel that, little by little, God is releasing my grip on this world. I think He does this for all believers throughout the course of their lives. Each one of us faces trials and challenges. They are all different for each one of us, but none of us is exempt. Our branches sway and sometimes break and it forces us to fall into the arms of the Father. Most of us keep climbing back into that tree over and over again.

But with each sway in the wind and with each fall, our grip grows just a little looser on the things of this world and it changes how we view things, reminding us of what will really last for eternity. This change in perspective gives us a greater passion for the lost while giving us peace and joy for our soul as we rest in God’s sovereign care for both ourselves and for those we love.

This is a lifelong process–recognizing the reality of our vulnerable, powerless state and the great love and care that we find in God alone. We humans naturally tend to rely on ourselves for our own needs until we are forced not to.

Thankfully, our God is so merciful and His marvelous grace covers our treks up that tree and our subsequent falls when the branch just keeps breaking. His love is not fickle or temporary but remains constant even as we fail. And that is something for which we can be incredibly grateful.

 

No Excuses

4 Comments / March 15, 2018

Have you ever heard a fellow Christian say something like this: “Well, I just don’t have that gift.” Maybe you’ve even said it. Many of us have. Whether the discussion is on the topic of evangelism, giving, hospitality, or discernment, we often give ourselves passes on these commands in scripture with the phrase, “I don’t have that gift.”

But does that response hold up to biblical scrutiny?

This morning I want to take a look at this fairly common answer that is given whenever topics like these come up and make us uncomfortable.

God has made it very clear in Romans 12:3-8 that every redeemed person has a spiritual gift. Some of us know what ours is, some of us are still wondering, and some of us have never bothered to think about this at all. But every believer has one. The purpose of this post isn’t to delve into the spiritual gifts and how to know which one you have, but, rather, to determine if not having a particular gift is a pass at not practicing it.

It’s almost as if we believe that if we just say we aren’t good at it, then we can ignore it and go on our merry way.

So let’s unpack this just a bit. I feel like I may have bitten off a bit more than I can chew this morning, but let’s see what God’s Word says and see if I can then pull it all together. Let’s first turn to the book of John. This is one place that Jesus makes it very clear that we show we are His by doing what He commands–

John 14:21 He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.

We show we love Christ by keeping His commandments.

John 15:10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.

The only way we can abide in Christ’s love is by keeping His commandments.

John 15:14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.

We have to assume the opposite is true, don’t we? If we don’t keep Jesus’s commands then we are not the friends of Jesus.

Lets hop on over to I John 2 where we read this–

I John 2:3-5  Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. 4 He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 5 But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. 6 He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.

So this takes it even one step further and says we are lying if we say we are a Christian but are not following God’s commands. We can’t say we know Him and then ignore the Word and the commands therein. John makes it all too clear that true believers just won’t do this.

But we can be deceived into thinking that a certain commandment doesn’t apply to us. Let’s take a look at some of these commands that we tend to ignore, using the excuse that it isn’t our gift–

HOSPITALITY

I Peter 4:9  Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.

Romans 12:13 {Be} distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

EVANGELISM

Mark 16:15 And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.

2 Timothy 4:1-5 I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at[a] His appearing and His kingdom: 2 Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. 3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; 4 and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. 5 But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.

DISCERNMENT

Philippians 1:9-10 And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, 10 that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, 11 being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

I John 4:1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

GIVING/GENEROSITY

2 Corinthians 9:7 So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.

Proverbs 3:9-10 Honor the Lord with your possessions,
And with the firstfruits of all your increase;
10 So your barns will be filled with plenty,
And your vats will overflow with new wine.

I’ve picked these specific four things, because they seem to be the ones that are most excused because of not having the “gift”. Did I miss anything else?

Yes, God has given people special gifts and they help make the church run smoothly. But if they are only practiced by people who have these “gifts” then the Church would be sorely lacking, wouldn’t it? And that is where we find ourselves. Fewer people sharing the Gospel with others, fewer people giving of their first fruits, fewer people discerning, and fewer people practicing hospitality. And, perhaps, saddest of all, there are fewer and fewer even caring about these important things commanded by God in His Word as they are distracted and deceived by worldly worship, supernatural experiences, and mystical practices. The focus has turned inward to our own personal experience, rather than outward to how we can minister to others both by setting a godly example and by serving, according to God’s commands.

Not having a certain “gift” is not an excuse for not following God’s commands. Sure, it may come harder for us but that just means we need to work harder at doing it.

I will close with an example from my own life. I would not consider myself naturally gifted at hospitality. I have some friends who are really awesome at this. Their homes are lovely and impeccably clean, their food is delicious and served beautifully, and they make people who enter their homes feel comfortable and loved. My house is just a house and I am not all that into cooking. I don’t mind it, but it’s just not really my “thing”. And so I gave myself a pass on hospitality. But, more and more, the Lord convicted me about this. And I started to recognize a couple of things. First, I had to give up my pride. If my house isn’t cleaned or decorated just right, it’s okay. I am using it for His glory and I need to only please Him. I can’t worry about the critical eye of the “perfect homemaker”.  And, second, I don’t have to cook a fancy meal to be hospitable. I can just do coffee and dessert or buy pizza. We can do hot dogs at the fire outside or make ice cream sundaes. When I started thinking a little more outside the box it became so much easier.

I don’t have this nailed down and I certainly don’t practice it as often as I should, but I do feel like I’ve made progress and it came when I released what I felt it “should be” and started practicing what it “could be”. Perhaps this is true for all of the gifts. We don’t need to practice a gift perfectly. We just need to practice it to the best of our ability. That is all God asks of us. He will take it from there.

So let’s release our impossible expectations, our reluctance, and, most of all, our excuses and start following God’s commands in these areas. God will bless our obedience and the rewards will be great–here or in heaven and, often, in both places!

 

Out of Kilter

4 Comments / March 8, 2018

Apparently, it’s International Women’s Day today. At least that is what Facebook told me. It’s not on my Apple calendar, but then neither is Easter, so we can’t rely on them to tell us about important holidays…

I don’t have anything against a special holiday for women, but I did kind of wonder when that holiday is for men? What is the date for International Men’s Day? And so I looked it up. And there is one. It’s November 19. But even that is mostly about women, as *two of its main goals are “improving gender relations” and “promoting gender equality”. Funny how that works.

Now I do get that women have been treated like second class citizens since the beginning of time. I am thankful for women who fought so that we have the right to vote. That’s how it should be.

What I don’t get is why, in the process of increasing the liberties for women and other downtrodden races, the liberties for the white male have been decreased to the point that they are now the ones discriminated against?

Someone just recently told me that –this was back in the 70s!– they were passed over for a job as a qualified white male because there was a less qualified male of a different race who applied. Any man or woman of a different race can get a special loan to start a business, but not a white male.

Why–in our efforts to improve life for some– do we need to make it so much worse for others? Why can’t it just be equal?

But we live in a fallen world and so this–among so many other things–will just be out of kilter. Humans, on their own, just can’t find perfect balance.

But if we turn to the Word, we will see what the Lord has some things to say about this–

For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise. Galatians 3:26-29

Then Peter opened his mouth and said: “In truth I perceive that God shows no partiality. Acts 10:34

Other passages to check are Ephesians 6:9, Romans 2:11, and James 2:1-13 (and more).

We see here that there is no partiality with God. And, as believers, there is to be no partiality in how we treat others. Did you realize this is such a beautiful truth from the scripture?

Since the “Women’s Lib” movement started (as it used to be called back in the 70’s), women have viciously attacked the Bible as being oppressive and unreasonable towards our gender. I always have to kind of laugh if someone says something like this because the Bible actually raised women up in that culture. Women had no rights in the middle eastern Bible days. They were viewed as property. The fact that the Bible told men to love their wives as Christ loves the Church was monumental. The fact that God made it clear that He views men and women equally in His sight was in complete contrast to all that had gone on in that culture (and most other cultures) beforehand.

And so anyone who claims that the Bible is oppressive towards women doesn’t really know history.

But you may be thinking: What about women not leading in the church or their homes–isn’t that oppressive?

I guess it depends on how you view it. You see, I believe there are some real downsides to leadership. The accountability before God is staggering and the responsibility can be overwhelming. In some ways, I believe it is a gift to us women not to have to lead. We tend to be driven by our emotions and this can keep us from doing a man’s job well–which is exactly how God designed it. And He’s given us jobs to do that are best done by us. It is His beautiful design for the family and for the Church and it works amazingly well when we follow it.

But many women–sold the lie that has been broadcast from the world on all fronts over the past 50 years–are utterly unsatisfied with their role. In fact, the lack of spiritual interest shown by men today has probably increased because women have taken over as leader. Even in Christian homes, women often “run the show”. But this isn’t how it should be and it’s a very sad commentary on how worldly thinking has entered the Church.

So what do you do if you are a woman whose husband doesn’t want to lead–spiritually or otherwise? I hear this question often. You feel an especially heavy burden because you have children. Some of you have husbands who aren’t believers. Others have husbands who claim to be believers but are uninterested in spiritual things. What do you do?

Let’s turn once again to the Word of God. Here we read–

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. I Peter 3:1-2

God speaks directly to women who are struggling with husbands who are not obeying the Word. Notice He doesn’t tell women to take the reins in her own hands. But, instead, she is still to remain submissive to her husband’s leadership, as far as she is able without disobeying God and His commands.

As she remains submissive, I believe she can pray with faith that God will save or grow her husband into a mature believer. Even if God takes a long time to change her husband (one of my dear friends prayed for thirty years before God answered), she can rest secure knowing that God is changing and growing her, that He is taking care of her children (as she prays fervently for their salvation and Christian growth), and that He will work all things out according to His good purposes (Romans 8:28). And let’s remember that God can accomplish far more than we ever can with our nagging, wheedling, and complaining.

I recently shared with someone how, as a young wife, I tended to act like I was my husband’s “holy spirit”. It wasn’t until I released that role (which was never to be mine in the first place) and started praying for my husband that our marriage improved greatly. It took several years to really get it and sometimes I still can fall back into that role if I am not careful, but it’s so much better than it was.

In a perfect marriage, men and women work together in perfect harmony–she submits and respects and he deeply loves his wife more than he loves himself.

But life isn’t perfect. And everything is out of kilter. And the fact remains that the “liberation” of women has knocked the family completely out of kilter. Even the Christian family. The battle is there even for families who desire to live according to biblical roles. There is a demand from the world for role reversal and Christians must constantly be on guard to see this doesn’t enter their own homes.

God has designed men and women with very specific roles and life works best when we follow them. Both are important and they are equal before God. Marriages are more peaceful, children are happier, and society is less chaotic when these roles are followed and respected. But, of course, we truly are a society that is completely out of kilter and, actually, we seem to be on the brink of insanity.

I am not sure we will ever turn back society, but we can be a shining example of a godly family with proper roles in our churches and communities. We can respect both women and men of all races as we seek to be an example of God’s impartiality towards all people. And, in doing so, we can hope that He will use us to lead some to Him. Or–at the very least–to plant seeds for God to water and grow.

 

(I am not sure how I ended up on the topic of marriage, but here we are. I guess that’s what happens when I just sit down and start writing without a plan!! This post seems rather disjointed, but, hopefully, you can grab a few nuggets to chew on…)

 

 

*https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/when-international-mens-day-2018-5289932

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