Fitting God into our Box

Leave a Comment / November 4, 2016

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Have you ever tried to pack  a suitcase of winter clothing and keep it to the 50 lb airline regulation? Perhaps you were going on a ski trip. Or maybe on a mission trip to a winter land. Whatever the reason,  you needed to get a lot of clothing into a very small box. So you fold and you roll. And then you remember the shoes. So you start over. Folding and rolling and stuffing. But the physics of the box demand that you can only put so much stuff into it. So you sit there and stare at that rectangle laying on your bed thinking what can I live without for a couple of weeks? And you start pulling things out until you can get that zipper closed.

Perhaps we do that with God, too. Is it possible that many of us try to fit God into a box that we create? And then when it all doesn’t fit together to our liking, we start discarding the characteristics of God we just do not care for–

God is Just (Deuteronomy 32:4). We don’t understand this one, so we just remove it. We can’t wrap our brains around how God can be loving and just at the same time, so we just forget the Just part and concentrate on the Loving part. Many of us live with a God box that only has love in it. But the Bible says God is also just.

God hates sin (Psalm 45:6). We really dislike this one, so many of us take this one from our suitcase almost immediately, filling our suitcases instead with God’s forgiveness. No matter what I do, God will forgive me! Yes, that’s true and a very important part of God’s character. But let us not forget that God hates that sin we commit and that He forgives. We are grieving Him when we sin. So many of us have such a lackadaisical attitude about sin. Like it doesn’t matter. When is the last time you spent some time confessing your sin to your Heavenly Father? We hardly even hear that word anymore. Confession.

God is Holy (I Peter 1:15-16). If God is holy, and He wants me to be holy, then that means a complete change in who I am and what I do. Some of the words used to describe holy at dictionary.com are “saintly“, “godly“, “dedicated service to God“, and “spiritually pure“. Now think with me for a moment about what you played on your radio yesterday or what you watched on your television or the last movie you went to see. Do these words come to mind in describing your choice of entertainment? Or how about the last time you had a disagreement with a family member or friend? Do these words describe how you responded to them? This Truth extends into all areas of our lives. It is especially a difficult one to keep in the box. It affects how we treat people. What we talk about. Who we hang around with. What we allow in our homes. Where we go. And what we do when no one is watching. And so many, many Christians have effectively moved this right out of their “God box”. They might still mouth the words, but they do not live them and have effectively removed the thought from their minds, too busy, instead, rationalizing why certain behaviors are just fine (and even talking themselves into the belief that they are promoting God’s Kingdom by their worldliness–another “box” issue we won’t go into here).

Above are just a few ways that come to mind about how we try to ignore truths about God that we are given in scripture. Sometimes we also add things to our “God box” that aren’t true. Whatever our tendency, it is a good idea to examine our definition of who God is. Does it agree with all of scripture? If it doesn’t, we had better start over. Go ahead and examine your “God” box. Does it go along with the Word of God? It is time to remove the falsehoods and replace them with the Truth. Because it is only when we have an accurate view of who God is, that we can truly grow and thrive as a believer.

Deuteronomy 32:4  He is the Rock, His work is perfect;For all His ways are justice, A God of truth and without injustice; Righteous and upright is He.

Psalms 45:6 Your throne, O God, [is] forever and ever; A scepter of righteousness [is] the scepter of Your kingdom. 7 You love righteousness and hate wickedness.

I Peter 1:15-16  but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.

a moment of chagrin

Leave a Comment / August 29, 2011

“What a dumb driver!  What is WRONG with you??  Don’t you get these roundabout things?  They do not take a brain surgeon!”  All of this was said to myself, in my car, totally alone.  I was directing it to the obviously incapable driver ahead of me who had stopped when they should have kept going.  When I got to that yield sign, I just kept going…just like I was supposed to.  I thought.

It wasn’t until a day later that I realized that I…ME…I was the wrong one. I was supposed to yield to the person on my left.  For some reason, I got confused and thought the person on my left was to yield to me.  I wondered what interesting words the driver that I pulled out in front of  had to say to ME, as he drove in his car, all alone.  I was glad I couldn’t hear them!   My face is turning red and hot, even as I write this.  I realize I was the “dumb driver”.

Anyone else ever do stupid things like that?  I still can’t even imagine how I did that?  I KNEW what was the correct etiquette for that stupid roundabout.   Why did my brain freeze and let me down completely?

I will tell you why…because I am getting old.  BUT I think there is more to it than that.  I think it is because sometimes I can start to get a little high and mighty.  You see, on more than one occasion I had thought unkind thoughts about the drivers I have followed through that roundabout.  Why can’t that incompetent driver understand something as simple as driving around a roundabout??  I mean really–how dumb are they?  AND then, on that fateful day, I was the dumb one.  Yep.  Me.

And, all of a sudden, I was knocked down quite a few pegs.  And you know what?  I am glad that it happened–red-faced–but glad.  And I will tell you why.  Because no one likes a know-it-all.  No one likes someone who thinks they have all of the answers and that anyone who doesn’t have the answer is unintelligent.  It is moments like these that keep us from becoming one of these arrogant bores.  If we choose to learn from them.

You may wonder why I am choosing to share such an embarrassing moment with you.  I could keep it completely to myself and no one would be the wiser.  After all, I was totally alone in my car when it happened.   But maybe…just maybe…someone else has had this happen to them.  Maybe they, too, have learned from some stupid moments like I have.  And if not, maybe one day there will be a stupid moment they need to learn from.  Whatever the case, if my ridiculous, embarrassing moment can help someone realize they are not alone in their humanity with all its faults and ridiculousness,  it is worth it.

Forming a Life

1 Comment / August 25, 2011

Little did he realize that when he took that first shot of vodka, he would be forming his future life.   He was simply out partying.  He wanted to have a good time.   Nothing wrong with that.  But 20 years later he is an alcoholic.  Drinking, cigarettes, and gambling are all known for their addictive qualities but let’s think about some other areas in which we develop bad habits and haven’t even given it a thought–

How about spending money?  You use a credit card for a purchase and think–“wow.  that was easy.”  And so you do it again.  And again.  Buying stuff you do not need.  Stuff you could live without.  But it is so easy.  And then the bill comes and there is that momentary feeling of uneasiness.  But you pay the minimum and then you just keep charging to a credit card that you can’t pay.   Stuck in the cycle of credit card billing.  Never paying it off.   Forming a life of debt.

Or how about with what you eat or drink?   Perhaps you find yourself drinking 2 or 3 sodas every day.   It isn’t until you decide to kick the habit that you realize the hold that soda (or chocolate…or you fill in the blank) has on you.   And your body is starting to rebel.  You are gaining weight.  You are not feeling well.  You are achy.  You are tired.  You are fueling your body with something it wasn’t ever meant to be fueled with and now you are paying for that decision.  Forming a life of indulgence (the opposite of self-control).

Maybe one evening you were so tired, that you just fell in front of the TV to veg.  Before you know it, that is what you do every evening.  You have wasted thousands of hours vegging in front of an electronic box.  Forming a life of laziness.

You see, your life is not formed by the big moments, but by the little moments.  Who you are depends on those little decisions you make each and every day.

But the exciting news is that if you are alive, it is not too late to change!  And change comes with every little decision.  So instead of finding yourself locked in the same pattern…one day, you choose, instead, to–

-walk away from those really cute shoes.

-drink water.

-turn the tv off and read a story to your kids.

And then you continue that same pattern the next day…and the next day…and before you know it, you have made a positive change in your life!

I am personally working on kicking a sugar habit right now.  I did not realize just how badly I fueled my body until I was feeling it in a multitude of ways.  I am working at making those small decisions to make my life healthier, and consequently, more productive for God’s purposes.

We can never give in to Satan’s lie that it is impossible to change.  If we are God’s child and have been saved by His grace, it is NOT impossible to change.   God is bigger than my bad habit.  Isn’t that good news?

So what little change will you make today?

“We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”  Aristotle

Never Underestimate

Leave a Comment / August 22, 2015

In the current wave of a few great books, Christians have been encouraged to meet the physical and spiritual needs of the poor and the orphans. And this is a call that was needed! But I can’t help but wonder if, in the enthusiasm of stepping up and out of our comfort zones, we haven’t forgotten something–

There are still ministries here that are well worth our time and efforts. There are still jobs right here in small-town America (or wherever you are, for that matter) that need doing. They should not be viewed as second class or unimportant in our eyes. Things like–

-Teaching Sunday School to children. Teaching children about God’s Word is so imperative in a time where Sunday School may be the only place children ever hear about God. I have heard many testimonies of adults who became saved through a Sunday School teacher’s ministry. This job can never be underestimated.

-Taking care of elderly parents, or grandparents, or aunt, or church members. Many of us have elderly people in our lives. Let’s not forget them in our excitement to minister in other, more “impressive” ways. I have a feeling that they may get pretty lonely. Many of them have lost their spouses, their friends, their brothers and sisters. They have doctor appointments that they may need help getting to or may need help with some housework or repairs. Sometimes just visiting can be a big boost to their spirits. Especially if we take some little children along.

-Opening up our homes to others. Paul tells us in Romans 12:13 that we are to be given to hospitality. Do you open up your home to the friends of your children? Or to your church group? Or to anyone outside your small circle of family or friends? If so, then you are doing some important work for the Lord. Teens need a good place to hang out. Meeting for a meal in a home is a great way to get to know other church members on a much more personal level. Perhaps there is an unsaved family that you know well enough to  have them over for a meal. It is easier to discuss spiritual matters in a home than beside a soccer field or baseball diamond.

-Serving at our church by cleaning up or serving in the nursery or helping in the kitchen or doing the lawn or organizing activities or anything else that helps keep the church running smoothly. We cannot discredit these services. They are often done with little, if any, reward. They have no glamour attached to them and are viewed as unimportant jobs, kept deep in the shadows of the bigger stuff – like adopting orphans or working tirelessly to feed the poor. But they are jobs that someone has to do to keep a church running smoothly and functioning so that church members can grow both spiritually and closer as a church body.

-Ministering in the place we find ourselves most often–the workplace. Your workplace may be your home. Teaching your children about God is a very important work. Or it may be that you find yourself surrounded by unbelievers in an office, or in a restaurant, or on a construction crew. All of these workplaces will lead to ample opportunities to show that you live by different standards and to share the gospel. Or perhaps you are a teacher. Questions from students can lead to some great discussions. I can think of a few teachers who have really come alongside my husband and me in encouraging our kids in their walk with the Lord. What a blessing!

-Serving right here, right now. I have a friend that visits an inner city classroom each week to help children with their school work. I have another friend that teaches public school children about God for an hour each week through a special program. I have another friend that has taught English to foreigners. I have a friend who faithfully teaches a Bible study to other women. I also have friends who work hard at spotting needs that need to be met and then do their best to meet them. Each of these individuals saw an opportunity to minister and then stepped up to be the one to fill the need.

That’s just a very incomplete list of things we can do to serve the Lord in our lives in a practical way. Let’s not forget that the Lord has placed you where you are for a reason. And your job is to find out what that is. Where does the Lord want you to serve? It may be that you are called to foreign service or to adopt an orphan. But it also may be that you are called to build up the church body by serving there on the board or in the Sunday School classroom. It may be that you are a great cook and have a gift for making people feel cared for through the wonderful food you prepare.

May we not grow discouraged as many of us labor in the shadow of the “big stuff”. Let’s do whatever we are called to do to the best of our ability. Always. Knowing that we are serving the Lord and it is all for His glory.

Colossians 3:23-24  And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for[a] you serve the Lord Christ.

Steel Rods (and why they do not belong in a marriage)

2 Comments / April 25, 2015

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I could almost feel the hot, molten metal filling my spine. At first, came the searing heat of anger.

“You can’t tell me what to do!”

“Who do you think you are, anyway?”

“If you love me, you would consider my point of view.”

The red, liquid metal hardened to solid, unyielding steel as the days passed and my thoughts frequently turned to the topic of debate. I felt my heart harden right along with my spine. I wasn’t moving. We had come to an impasse, my husband and I.

What were we going to do about it?  Because– did I mention this already?–I wasn’t moving.

I felt a flutter of discomfort–perhaps the Holy Spirit–move in me. I ignored it. I went on with my daily activities like everything was fine. As did my husband. Every now and then we would try to talk about it.  And get nowhere. Finally, I think we both gave up.

A couple of weeks later, we were able to talk more about it.  I was able to state my valid points in a kind and open way, instead of with an angry finality. I think he really did hear me and we came to an agreeable understanding about the topic, for the most part.

But I still couldn’t pray. Any efforts at prayer couldn’t get beyond the white ceiling above my head. What was wrong, Lord? Why didn’t I feel at peace with You?

I tried to figure it out. My mind glossed over the steel rod already hardened somewhere deep within. It couldn’t be that.

“Lord, you have to understand.  I know my husband is the leader, but…You can only expect so much, Lord.”

My excuses went on inside my head for a day or two. But I knew what was keeping me from fellowship with God. I finally submitted to Him and to my husband’s leadership. When I had confessed  my sin, I prayed that God would provide a private moment with my husband so that I could apologize. God graciously granted me this often scarce blessing almost immediately and I humbly apologized to my husband.

Did that mean I had changed my opinion about the topic we had heatedly disagreed on? No, not even a bit. But I found that discussing my very strong feelings on this subject with kindness and openness and listening ears made a huge difference in not only that one particular conversation but in the status of our relationship. Instead, I had chosen to plant my feet in concrete and had single-handedly launched our marriage into some very difficult weeks.

I am sharing my experience here as a wife with her husband.  But, let’s not forget that men do this, too.   Men, please do not use your God-given role as leader to excuse a steel rod within you. Speaking words like “I am the leader, you are to be submissive and do as I say” will build a high wall between you and your wife before you can even spit out that sentence. Your wife is quite familiar with that steel rod of yours. And she feels quite lonely and unloved because of it. If you love your wife, show her how important she is by asking for her thoughts and opinions on things. Show her you care enough to listen.

There is just no room for steel rods in either spouse in a godly marriage. Steel rods make for very lonely people living in the same house. If something is so important that you are willing to sacrifice the health of your marriage on the altar of it, you’d better make sure it is worthy of that sacrifice. Did your wife ask you to lie on your tax return?  Did your husband ask you to steal something?  It had better be that serious.

We need to lovingly listen to one another.  And when we come to an impasse or a disagreement that just can’t be bridged, then the husband needs to lovingly assert his God-given authority and the women needs to humbly submit to that authority.*

And don’t forget to pray together.  And pray for each other. If you and your spouse are struggling through something and you feel really strongly about it, speak softly** and pray that your husband or wife would really hear you.  And be humble enough to ask the Lord to show you if you are the one who needs to change your mind.

Love, kindness, and humility bring not only a lasting marriage but a healthy marriage. Let’s strive to have healthy, long-lasting marriages. Let’s show the world that marriages modeled after God’s Word are not only different but, oh, so rewarding!

*Ephesians 5:22-33: 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body,[d] of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”[e] 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

**Proverbs 15:1:   A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Saving the Peach Cobbler

Leave a Comment / August 15, 2011

So…which is better?  To try and fail?  Or to never try at all?

My daughter and I had decided to make a homemade dessert for dinner Saturday night.  We had just spent an hour peeling peaches and mixing dough.  The Peach Cobbler looked yummy!  I picked it up…Oh, no!…I forgot the peaches had already been in the oven for a few minutes!…that dish is hot!…CRASH!  Hot peaches and gooey dough landed on the oven door and spilled over onto the floor.

Are there words to describe the disappointment in that brief moment?  All that work…for nothing.  I looked at my daughter.  She looked at me.  I finally shrugged my shoulders.  It is what it is.   Having no better tools to work with, I took a spatula and scraped the mixture of peaches, sugar, cinnamon, and flour on the oven door back into the baking dish.  And then we got the rest of the sticky mess off of the floor.

I got off my knees when we were all done and ruefully looked at that peach cobbler.  But, wait…sure- it didn’t look good…but a seed of a thought was forming in my brain…how would it taste?…what could it hurt?   I put the whole unappetizing mess in the oven.

While it was a little funny-looking, it tasted really good and we ate almost the whole thing at dinner that night.

We tried.  We failed.  We made the best of it.

I tried something else a couple of weeks ago.  A new ministry for me.  I had a lot of hesitation.  I did not think it would be a good fit for me.  I was right.

I tried.  I failed.  How do you make the best of something like that?  I have been trying to figure that out for awhile now.  But I think one way is to share with you what I learned from that experience–

–I learned that, without a doubt, that ministry is not for me.  If I  had not tried it, I would have always wondered.  Unless you try something, you can’t really KNOW.

–I learned that people will judge you for certain decisions you make.  But they do not have all of the details.   This failure has encouraged me not to judge others when they make a decision and I do not know the full story.

–I learned that I am getting older.   That wasn’t really a very nice thing to learn.  But there you are.  I have to accept my limitations.  We all do.

–I learned that you have to do what is right.  And sometimes that means QUIT.  Which is a four letter word in our family.  A hard thing to come to terms with.

–And I learned that I need to serve in areas where I am gifted.  We all do.  And if we do that, then we will be like the church body that Paul describes in I Corinthians 12.  We will all have different areas in which we serve and together we will make a difference for God’s Kingdom.

So…in the long run…was trying and failing better than not trying at all?  I am still not sure.  The wounds are a little fresh yet.  But would I do it differently?  No, probably not.  As painful of a time as that was, I did learn some valuable lessons I would not have learned any other way.

Roller Coaster Ride

Leave a Comment / August 11, 2011

Somehow my son and I had chosen the wrong line. We had chosen the line for “single” riders to go in the front car.  This was not good.  He was about 8, so I wasn’t planning on going on this Monster Coaster without him.   But, despite my plans, here we were.  We were each going alone.  I will never forget getting to the top of that steep incline, in the front of the highest coaster I had ever been on, not being able to even see the track in front of me, the drop was that drastic.  I glanced out over the beautiful scene spread out below me for a second and then…off I went on one of the wildest amusement park rides of my memory.

I have felt a little like life is like this.  We get a split-second to enjoy the blessings…and then we are off on another wild ride.  Sometimes when the ride is over, the scenery is the same.  Most often, though, it is not.  While on the ride, someone we love is gone from our life or we have had to move to a different town or change jobs.  And sometimes the ride is actually a good thing…a new baby or a wedding.   But one way or another, we usually do not return to the same life we started in.

And sometimes…we get on rides we just didn’t want to go on.   We kick and scream…but there we are…locked into that rollercoaster car, high above everything, with no path of escape.

For some reason, this week I have been thinking about the Jews during the Holocaust who were taken away in the train cars.  Many of them were quite cultured and very wealthy.  And, when very gradually, they realized they were the target of a madman, it was too late for many of them to leave Germany.  And, all of a sudden, many of them were thrown onto a roller coaster ride that was their last one.

But, did you notice, no matter how terrible or tragic the ending–a roller coaster ride does end?  It does not last forever.  You do get off.  Sure, sometimes you get right back on…but sometimes you get a breather.

But this is life.  We have to face it.  We can’t live on last year’s roller coaster.  We can’t waste time dreaming about future roller coasters.  We need to appreciate and grow from the roller coaster we are on now.   Right now.  At this moment.  Because you all are on some sort of ride.  Maybe it is a milder ride…maybe it is wild and crazy.  But at the end of whatever ride you are on…your children will be older, you will be a little bit (or a lot) different, and the scenery will have shifted just a bit.

Let’s all hang on and try to enjoy it as best we can!

Choices

Leave a Comment / August 8, 2011

The little boy jumped up and down on his bed excitedly.   He was going fishing with Daddy after his nap!  He had jumped the blue and red comforter almost all the way off of the bed by the time Daddy scolded him.   Daddy told him to rest a few hours and then they would go.  He laid down and tried to close his eyes.  Meanwhile, Daddy told Mommy that he had to run out to do an errand, or to go hunting, or to see a friend.  Mommy believed him.  Instead, Daddy was headed somewhere else.

I can’t help but wonder if this was the story behind the minivan I saw parked at the “adult” store we passed on the way home from a trip away yesterday.

Lives destroyed by our choices.  Not only our own lives are affected by our choices, but the lives of our families.  In this case, it is a choice to visit an “adult” store.   Instead of working things out at home, it is easier to just run away.  But, even if we have no inclination to visit an “adult” store…EVER…we still have choices to make, don’t we?  Choices that affect those around us.

Choices as damaging as lingering over coffee with a co-worker of the opposite sex long after business has been discussed.  Or perhaps it is something as simple as choosing to watch TV instead of playing and having fun with your kids.  But both of these decisions have consequences.

Choices based only on our own selfish desires are almost always destined for bad consequences.

I can remember years ago, when I was in the habit of turning on Oprah, an episode about “successful” women.   Most of these women were heads of multi-million dollar companies or had developed wonderful charities.  There was one thing each of these women had in common.   If I remember correctly, I think all of them had gotten divorced through the process of fulfilling their “dream”.

They had made a choice to “follow their hearts” and had chosen their desires over their families.  They were praised and applauded for making this choice by the world.

But if they could do it again, would they find it worth it?   Were they really happy?  Or were those plastered smiles on their made-up faces covering a whole host of hurt, pain, and questions?  Who determined that being the head of a multi-million dollar company deserves the praise of the world but choosing the selfless way of being a wife and mother does not?

If I am being honest here, and I may as well be, or you won’t even want to read what I am writing…I really struggle with making selfish choices.  Oh, not the big things…but in the little things.  The things that reap small, negative consequences…like strained relationships.  And almost every time I make a choice based on my selfish desire, without care for anyone else’s feelings or thoughts on the choice, I find myself in the midst of arguments, hurt feelings, and chaos.

You see, the world will tell you to focus on yourself and what YOU want.  This message is plastered on billboards.  It is on almost every reality TV show.  It is the message of many a magazine article.  We find this message everywhere.  We find it everywhere– except in the Bible.  Not once in the Bible do I find a command to think of myself first when making a choice.   It is always about thinking of God first.  Of others first.

A difficult command to live out in today’s culture.

Pay Attention

Leave a Comment / August 4, 2011

One Saturday last summer, we were all busily doing our own thing, when my husband received a call on his cell phone.  He was greeted by an unfamiliar voice.    A kind stranger had found our lab, who had run off, and this kind stranger had worried about her, took the time to stop and read her tag, and brought her home.

The thing was:  we didn’t even know she was gone!  We were so busy working and doing our own thing that we hadn’t even missed our precious puppy.

I wonder if sometimes our relationships with our children don’t end up like that, if we aren’t careful.  We are so busy doing our own thing and then one day we look up and our child has turned into an adult…and we realize that we have lost them.

Sometimes we can find them again and then move on together.  Sometimes we cannot.

Have you ever felt a wall building between you and your child?  A wall of bitterness?  A wall of anger?  A wall of discouragement?  Or distrust?  It is never there instantly.  It is one block at a time, so that you barely notice.  And then one day, the wall is so high that you can’t even see each other.

The only way we can really keep that wall from growing that high is to pay attention.  We can never let our guards down.   We need to nip issues in the bud.  We need to forgive.  We need to truly work at understanding.  And we need to listen to what our children are saying…by their mouths and by their behavior.

So what does this mean in a practical sense?  Let’s talk about younger children.   Listen to them!  Listen to them!  Listen to them!   When they drone on and on about their lego creation or their trip to the park or their dollhouse family, listen to them!  And not the “uh huh” while your eyes stray back to your laptop or dishes.  Stop, look them in the eye, and listen to them.   Of course, sometimes you can’t do this, because the baby is crying or you have chores that can’t wait, but do it as often as you can.  When I had younger children, my mom always told me, “listen to your children now, so that they will talk to you when you really need to hear what’s going on”.  So far, that advice has really been a blessing to our family.   And keep the boundaries firm and in place…don’t waver.  Kids need this.  They act like they hate it, but they really don’t.  If you have a rule, keep it place firmly and let the kids know that they have a safe place to be…not one with boundaries that move all over the place, where they never know what to expect.

And what about about teenagers?  I am still learning in this particular area, but here are a couple of things I have learned.  Teenagers need to feel heard.  Even if you need to pull the “parent” card in the end, your kids will be grateful if you hear them first.  And, then, when you cannot change your mind, they need an explanation.   Use God’s Word to explain why you don’t think it is a good idea.  And don’t be so proud that you don’t change your mind, sometimes.  Maybe it is something that really doesn’t matter.   Picking battles is so important.  If your child is quiet and doesn’t want to talk, be respectful of that.  But be ready to talk when they are ready…and it is usually at 11pm.   Love them enough to stay up and really listen.

These are a couple of ways to keep our fingers on the heartbeat of what’s going on in the lives of our kids.  So that someday a stranger doesn’t show up one day and say “Hi.  I am your kid”!

Things I wish I would’ve known when I was 20

2 Comments / October 28, 2014

20I was thinking the other day of some of the things that, had I known them when I was 20, would have made life much more enjoyable.    Here are some of the things I would tell my naive 20 year old self, if it was possible-

1.  Let it roll. If someone says something that offends you or doesn’t buy you a gift (even though you bought them one) or steals your boyfriend or simply says something that just irritates you just let it roll. Because life is just too short for grudges.

2. The greatest personal satisfaction comes from giving–not getting.

3. You are not overweight! Just because you don’t look like a magazine cover or a movie star doesn’t mean you are overweight. Appreciate the body you have now, because it won’t last.

4. Stepping out of your comfort zone will often yield incredible rewards.

5. Appreciate your parents. They have given more of themselves than you could ever realize. Don’t take that for granted. Don’t be so wrapped up in your own affairs that you forget they have feelings, too.

6. Expect good times less often. Appreciate them much more.

7. Don’t assume you know why someone is acting or reacting in a certain way. It is hard enough to understand your own motives, much less someone else’s.

8. Face your fears head-on!

9.  You don’t need a loan to buy a car or a piece of furniture. Live on what you make.

10. Just because someone tells you your nose is too big or your feet are too small, doesn’t mean its true. Find your worth in Jesus Christ, not in the opinions of others.

11. Money doesn’t make you happy.

12.  Don’t dwell on your fears and worrisome details of life. Figure it out as best you can, do what you can to resolve the problem, pray hard, and then think about something else.

13. You will blink and life will be half over. Savor every single moment of it.

This list certainly isn’t exhaustive. Feel free to comment below and add some of the things you wish you would have known!

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