Growing 4 Life

Lesson from Les Mis

Leave a Comment / October 13, 2011 October 13, 2011

The Bishop was quite poor by worldly standards. One of his few worldly possessions of worth was a handful of silverware. When a dejected man knocked on his door, quite bereft of worldly goods and looking quite frightful, the Bishop welcomed him warmly and provided both a meal and a bed. When, during the night, the man stole his silver and departed, the Bishop took no care. When his sister and the maid cried out in dismay and indignation, he stated that it wasn’t his to begin with. It was God’s and he should have given it away a long time ago.

Stop there for a moment and think about one of your prized possessions in light of this story. I don’t know about you, but I would have been right there with the women, crying out about the unfairness of giving someone a hot meal and warm bed and then have them turn around and steal from you.

But the story gets better…and even more convicting. A few hours later, the Bishop hears a knock at the door. It is the local police with the man. They have caught him with the silver and have brought him back for arrest. Upon seeing him, the Bishop serenely welcomes them and then turns his gaze upon the thief. But he does not treat him like a thief. He proceeds to ask the wretch why he did not take the candlesticks he had offered to give him, as well. The Bishop then takes the candlesticks and hands them to the man, all the while treating him like a friend.

At this point in the story, I am starting to squirm. I am becoming aware of my unhealthy attachment to my worldly possessions. If my silver (or iPad?) had been stolen, I know that this is not how I would have reacted. I would have pressed charges immediately. I would have demanded that my things be returned to me.

Because after all, they are my things. But perhaps that is where my thinking takes a wrong turn. Are my possessions really mine? If I have given my life to Christ, wholly and fully, do I own anything? And I realize that while my mouth says, “yes, yes, it all belong to God”, my actions speak quite differently and I am ashamed.

And I wonder how it would change the world if we Christians loosened our tight grip on our stuff? Would it matter if our cars got scratched? Would it matter if we lost our cell phones? Would we be more thankful? Would we complain less? Would we be less materialistic? Would we give more? I don’t know. I am just wondering.

I do know that the Bishop– a fictional character in a story written long, long ago– has challenged my heart and my priorities. My simple re-telling of just a minute part of that classic does not do it justice, but I hope that perhaps you were challenged, as well.

Ignorance Can Be Costly

Leave a Comment / October 10, 2011 August 5, 2015

Our family observed the goings-on in the Port-Au-Prince airport around us with wide-eyed wonder. We stepped into the main building to hear a cacophony of voices in an unfamiliar language. We joined the mob waiting to go through customs.

As we looked around us, we saw black and white mingled together in one great mass of humanity. The place was hot and dirty and disorganized–nothing like any airport we had ever seen. We saw groups of matching t-shirts, signifying missionary or human aid groups coming to help the needy of that land. We saw Haitians coming home for a visit or perhaps returning from a trip to see a relative in America.

After what seemed like a very long time, we approached the customs officer. He took one look at our forms and handed them back to us. As we tried to understand the issue he was having with our paperwork, we were finally able to figure out that the problem was our daughter’s form, which she had completed in pink ink. He deemed the pink ink unacceptable, handed us a new form and a black pen, and shooed us off into a corner to re-do it.

Eventually, all six of us made it through customs and stepped into the area where we would find our luggage. Here, we found ourselves surrounded by pure chaos. Dark-skinned men moved with purpose, shouting to each other in Creole. The stench of body odor filled the air. We saw some travelers knowingly push through the pandemonium. But other faces mirrored our own–lost and bewildered.

A man came and grabbed my husband by the arm. He steered him through the crowd to an area where he had all of our pieces of luggage gathered together. He clearly expected to be paid for this service. While it was a relief to find our luggage had all arrived safely, we would have preferred to find it ourselves in the good ole’ American way. But here we were.

My husband looked at me with a question mark in his eyes. I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t know how to handle this, either. The man who had gathered our bags took the $20 bill Eric held in his hand and then promptly turned it over to another man standing close by. He explained that this was his helper and he would split that among his other helpers. He then asked for money for himself. At that point, we just wanted to get out of there, so Eric gave him a $10 bill he quickly found. The man grabbed it and then took us outside to be handed over to more luggage handlers (or shall we call them money-grabbers?)

Do you know that by the time we reached the doors, the word had spread that quickly that rich, dumb Americans were on their way, that we were absolutely mobbed?! Like bees on a hive, we were swarmed by men of dark color, all grabbing at pieces of our luggage. There are some things you will never forget in life and this would be one of them. We had a vague notion of where we were supposed to meet our contact and so we clung tightly to our luggage as we walked uncertainly in the most likely direction. If it wouldn’t have been so frightening, it would have been quite comical.

By the time we were walking through a shade-tarped tunnel on the sidewalk, the money-grabbers had succeeded in taking the handles of some of our luggage. They would hold on to it for a short bit and then pass the luggage on to another man who would grab it. We were in shock–and, if I am honest, quite fearful, too. Finally, about half-way through this tunnel to the parking lot, a man told us that he knew “Jim”, the man we were supposed to meet. What a relief! Here was someone who could take us to the man we were looking for! We gladly surrendered our bags to him and he, quite characteristically, demanded money for the privilege of doing so. By that time, my husband had had enough. He handed him $10. The man argued that he had many men helping him and would have to split this teeny amount among them. After handing him $3 more, Eric looked at him and said “Enough!” with a firm determination. I think the man knew he wasn’t getting more and turned around and started pushing our luggage to the end of the tunnel where we met Jim.

We left that airport $43 poorer. We found out later that the Haitians make a fraction of that amount after working a whole month! No wonder everyone wanted the privilege of handling our luggage!

Our ignorance had left us at a serious disadvantage. We left that airport poorer but quite a bit wiser. I guess that happens to all of us. But it is important we learn from these life lessons. I don’t think we will ever return to the Haitian airport and spend $43 again. But, if we ever go again, we will be prepared for the chaos of the airport and also have small bills in our hand instead of $20s and $10s.

We have to learn from life’s lessons or we are bound to repeat them.

But it is even better if we can learn lessons before it costs us. This can often be done by observing and talking with those around us.

I think this is especially true for young people. Older folks have learned so many costly lessons in life. There is great wisdom in old age. Life’s experiences teach us so much. Instead of scoffing and belittling those of old age, we should, with great respect, learn from them, so as to avoid the mistakes they made. Many parents and grandparents would appreciate the privilege of sharing some of their life lessons, if simply given the opportunity.

Let’s stay humble and teachable, no matter what our age, and in doing so, spare ourselves much pain and anguish. We will never be able to totally avoid trouble, of course, but in learning from others along the way, we can make our lives so much easier.

On this particular occasion, we learned our lesson the hard way. Of course, in the process, we made some Haitians very happy!

When Forgiving Is Hard

4 Comments / October 6, 2011 October 9, 2015

Forgiveness is difficult enough with proffered flowers and a humble apology. It feels almost impossible when there is no repentance from the person who deeply hurt you. But that happens to most– if not all–of us at one time or another. So how do we deal with it?

How do we handle the moments we are unjustly or dishonestly accused of something? The times that we are hurt by unkind words or thoughtless actions?

You see, I think a lot of Christians talk about forgiveness but I am not sure all of us practice it. It is easy to say we forgive someone. But how do we truly make that happen? How do we move that forgiveness from our head to our hearts?

There is no formula and there is no set timeline. But there are a few things that have helped me tremendously that I would like to share with you–

1. Ask the Lord to show you how you could have handled the situation differently or if there is any truth to the accusations. While this is a painful process, it is also very helpful. Sometimes we can learn and grow from a situation, no matter how painful or unfair the original situation was.

2. Realize that the offense was not personal. Oh, this is hard. But after you replay the situation in your mind for the 100th time and after you have offered any necessary apology, then you have to realize that it is the other person’s problem. It is not yours. Recognition of this is very helpful in the forgiveness process.

3. Stop thinking about it. I find that the angry thoughts and feelings build up the more I dwell on what happened. The hurt and the sadness can overwhelm you and you feel like you are drowning. Don’t stay at that place. Make a conscious effort to move your mind to a better place. This is a difficult process but it needs to be done. Train your mind to think about something else. Get out and do something. Focus on your blessings.

4. Understand that your lack of forgiveness will only hurt you and those you love. Yes, we have all heard this but it is so very true and it bears repeating. I see in my life an example of someone who chose not to forgive someone a very long time ago. The fruit that has been born from that decision has been devastating. And I have actually seen that process start to take place in my own life as I struggled through forgiving someone. Graciously, God showed me that the person who hurt me was completely indifferent to how I felt about them and my actions were only hurting myself and my family.

5. Give your broken heart and anger to the Lord. Ask the Lord to help you supernaturally love the person who hurt you. Ask Him to do a work of forgiveness in your life. I have found that it is only when I surrender my will and my feelings to Him that I move towards true forgiveness. Sometimes you are so hurt you can’t even pray. If that happens, ask a few of your closest friends to pray for you. Cover yourself in prayer. Satan would like nothing better than for you to be at odds with that person for forever.

These are a few thoughts that continue to help me deal with unfair accusations or deep hurt from someone who never says they are sorry. I would love to hear how some of you have dealt with similar situations? What has God taught you about forgiveness?

How I long for the day where difficult relationships and hurt feelings will be a thing of the past but, until that day, we need to bravely be the better person. To be at peace with all men, as we are told in Romans 12:18–

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”

In what do you hope?

Leave a Comment / October 3, 2011 October 3, 2011

I hope the Phillies will win the ball game. I hope it doesn’t rain tonight. I hope I have enough money to pay the mortgage. I hope my medical tests are negative. I hope my kids live healthy, productive lives. Hope is a well-used word. But do we really understand what it means to hope? And in what do we hope? In what should we hope?

Octavius Winslow has a chapter about hope in his book, “Soul Heights and Soul Depths”. The following passage is a beautifully written passage defining false hope…and true hope:

Take from the sufferer the hope of relief, from the sick the hope of life, from the exile the hope of return, from the captive the hope of release, from the condemned the hope of reprieve, and you have quenched the last spark of life, have dashed from the lips the last drop of comfort, shading the entire scenery of existence with the heaviest clouds of despair and woe. It is hope—the first true offspring of reason, the recognition of purer intelligence—that rocks the cradle of suffering infancy, paints its golden tinge upon the dismal cell of the prisoner, lulls to balmy repose the couch of languor, sits proudly upon the warrior’s crest, and visits alike, faithfully and kindly, the poor man’s hut as the rich man’s palace.

But what is all human hope, as to its nature and object, but a phantom and a dream as the foam on the crest of the billow, the shadow on the mountain’s brow—unsubstantial and fleeting? Yet, how does the soul cling to it! How do men, looking only to the things that are seen and temporal, cling to human hopes, pursuing a bubble, building upon a shadow, grasping the wind! How unreal, unsatisfying, and evanescent the hope that rests in the creature, that is built on the world, that clings to wealth and honor and life! All for a while looks true and bright—hope investing the present and painting the future with its most gorgeous and attractive hues. But, adversity comes, and reverse comes, and sickness comes, and death comes, and eternity comes, and then the sky is darkened, and the flowers droop, and the music is hushed, and all human hopes one by one grow dim and expire as the day fades into evening, and the evening deepens into night.

Oh the folly of building the hope of happiness below God, out of Christ, and this side of Heaven! Chase no longer the phantom, the dream, the shadow of human hope, of earth-born good; but, acquaint your self with God, seek Christ, and fix your thoughts, your affections, your whole being, upon the world of stern and solemn reality towards which time is rapidly speeding you. “This is life eternal, that they might know You the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent.”

We now turn to the Christian’s hope—the only true, substantial, and living hope of the soul. How truly and impressively the passage under consideration defines this hope. “Let Israel hope in the Lord”—not in the creature, not in himself, not in his own righteousness—but, “let him HOPE IN THE LORD.” There is everything in God to inspire and encourage hope. Oh, it is a marvelous truth—a truth, had it not been divinely revealed, the mind could not have discovered, nor the heart have believed it that, the soul of man, lost in sin, might again hope in God! But examine the foundation of this hope, and all wonder ceases. Christ is the Foundation, the Object, and the End of the believing sinner’s hope. “The Lord Jesus Christ, who is our hope.” There is but one divinely revealed and assured hope of heaven, and it centers wholly and exclusively in the Savior of sinners. The Atonement of Christ touches the soul, and meets its case at every point. There could be no hope of the sinner’s pardon and justification consistently with Divine Justice, Holiness, and Truth apart from the obedience, death, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Winslow, Octavius (2010-06-17). Soul Heights and Soul Depths. Unknown. Kindle Edition.

Persevering in the Grey

Leave a Comment / September 28, 2011 September 28, 2011

I opened my eyes. The missing sun cast its presence by its absence. Another dreary day. September had been full of them. I sighed. Somehow I would have to get up the energy to be productive for another day. With or without the sun. I hadn’t realized just how much its bright presence cheers me. As I stepped into the early morning, the humid air became a sticky blanket on my skin. So…it was dreary and humid.

As I went about eating my breakfast and tidying the house, I argued with myself as to why this would not be a good day to exercise. I had had the same losing argument with myself for every dreary day the past month. And there were a lot of them. It just wasn’t a good day to exercise. Surely, I don’t need to exercise in such conditions. In the meantime, by body, while not really gaining in pounds, had deteriorated substantially in tone and shape.

From somewhere deep inside, I recognized that I was going to have to push through the grey. Push through the humidity. Persevere. I reluctantly walked upstairs to put on my running clothes. Then I grabbed my iphone, my headphones, and headed out the door.

The first mile was tough. The stickiness melted my clothing to my body. Even when I was only walking. I kept going. I started to jog. I knew, even though this wasn’t fun, that I was doing the right thing. Not just for me. But for my family. I am a much better “me” when I exercise. As I jogged, the flourescent pink trim and laces on my new running shoes made me smile. There was a little brightness everywhere…if you took the time to look for it.

As I ran, I listened to these promising lyrics:

Everyday’s a brand new day
A chance to undo my mistakes
And be the me I know that I can be

Count my blessings one by one
Grateful for what God has done
Spending more time down upon my knees**

As I listened to this song, God showed me that my life choices weren’t so very different from this run of mine. Every day, we are given the opportunity to make choices. Good ones. Bad ones. The good ones are so much easier to make when the sun is shining. When there is a crisp breeze in the air. When the flowers and fields are sparkling in the sunshine. But when it is grey…when all is dreary and dismal around us, then the good choices are harder.

When we lose our best friend…when we get sick…when our spouse is struggling at work…when a child is rebellious…these are the times our minds cajole us, saying things like: “Eat what you want. You deserve it. Watch TV and escape the world. Go shopping. Go golfing. Escape with this book. Play this video game. Because you will feel better if you do this.”

But you never do. You never feel better. You always feel worse. Oh, maybe for a minute or two I will feel some satisfaction from eating some Chocolate Chip Mint ice cream. But as soon as the last bite is done…if I am eating it for the wrong reason…then the guilt comes.

As I finished my exercise with a brisk walk, the sun made a brief appearance and I heard this in my headphones “Now the bridge leads on…to a brighter dawn. It’s waiting for me.” And I realized that the bridge does lead on. That we who love Jesus Christ have the hope of an eternal dawn. Where there are no grey days. We need to persevere…we need to make good, wise choices–no matter what our circumstances– as we move ever closer towards that eternal, brighter dawn that is waiting for us in glory.

**Higher Calling by Blessid Union of Souls

Marjory, the Ant

Leave a Comment / September 26, 2011 September 26, 2011

Marjory proudly carried the huge crumb she had found underneath the Hendersons’ picnic table. It looked to be the best crumb she had found all year. Wouldn’t the ant colony be impressed with this large crumb? As she moved slowly across the patio towards the colony, a grasshopper landed in front of her out of nowhere. She started to think about how nice it would be to be able to jump like that…instead of having short, little legs. As she glanced upwards to follow the grasshopper’s next jump, she saw a beautiful Monarch on a golden flower. She pondered what it would be like to be the orange and black butterfly, extracting delicious nectar from lovely flowers…instead of carrying heavy, human leftovers to the ant colony. Marjory started to get depressed. She started to stumble under the weight of the immense crumb. What had been a blessing started to seem like a burden. As Marjory took her eyes off her purpose—gathering food and feeding her fellow ants—she became more and more discontent in her duty. The crumb began to feel 10 times heavier than it had when she had first picked it up. As Marjory’s thoughts continued on the path of “what ifs” and “if onlys”, her pace slowed.

Suddenly, Marjory felt her world grow dark. A shadow had blocked out the sun and covered her whole world. Something…something really big…was behind her…or beside her…or…Marjory stopped walking…and just waited.

A foot stretched down out of the sky towards Marjory. A large, sneakered foot. Marjory started to scream. So this was how she would die. She closed her eyes and braced herself for the worst. As the foot touched the ground, she felt a rumble in the ground beneath her…but she wasn’t dead. She peeked through her half-closed eyes…the foot had come to within a millimeter or two of where she stood with her crumb.

As Marjory’s breathing started to slow back down to normal, she couldn’t help but be thankful that she was alive. She was alive! Suddenly, her lot in life didn’t seem so bad, after all.

As Marjory became focused once again on her purpose, she once again carried her crumb proudly. Her load felt manageable, and even a blessing, as she realized that she was alive and able to do the job she was designed to do. She continued on her journey across the patio with a new sense of purpose.

Ahhh…silly story, is it not? Ants do not have feelings and they probably have no concept of what the other creatures in their world are doing. But, in my imaginary world, I can imagine a worker ant being a little disgruntled about having to do all of that work, while it appears that other creatures are given much more fun and interesting things to do.

Can you see the similarity? I am not going to write a whole lot more, but I will say this: When we remove our eyes from the purpose God has given us—whether it be to raise a family or to fix a machine or sing in front of millions—and place it on those who we think have it so much better, we lose focus. Let’s keep it all in perspective and remember how good we have it. Wherever we are and whatever we are called to do…right here…right now.

Apples and People

Leave a Comment / September 22, 2011 September 22, 2011

As I was preparing apples for a dessert the other day I couldn’t help but think of some similarities–

1. Sometimes the skin is spotted or dented in a place or two, but underneath there is still firm flesh that is healthy. Sometimes people may have a scar or a physical defect that doesn’t look very pretty, but that doesn’t give any indication of who they are inside.

2. Every apple has a core. An annoying core that needs to be cut out and worked at and sheds all kinds of brown dots on the clean apple as you’re are working on it. Aaah…we humans are a bit like that, aren’t we? Our evil hearts full of sin (Jeremiah 17:9) need to be changed and transformed and the process is often messy, leaving “dots” of consequences all over us and often over others.

3. A good apple is firm and crisp. Have you ever bit into an apple that was sandy or mushy? Yuck! Perhaps people who are mushy and inconsistent can be a bit like that. It reminds me a little bit of that passage in Revelation (3:15-17). “These things says the Amen, the Faithful and True Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God: ¹⁵ “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. ¹⁶ So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot,^[g] I will vomit you out of My mouth.” We need to be firm, passionate, and consistent in what we believe and in our actions, instead of being tossed to and fro by every doubt, as James talks about in chapter 1.

4. The seed within the apple is what brings about more apples. We each have seeds to plant that will grow into fruit. The question is what kind of seeds are we planting? For example, almost every personality trait is a double-edged sword, is it not? Depending on the situation, a person can be firm and respected or domineering and arrogant. Perhaps they are instead insecure and wishy-washy or merciful and sweet. You see, all of us have the tendency to take the way God made us and use it for good or for evil. May we desire to spread seeds of Truth and goodness and kindness all around us, no matter what our personality.

5. And one last thing. I decided to go with a variety of apple that was unfamiliar to me for this dessert. The sign said it was good for baking, so I thought, “why not?” And you know what? The sign was right! It really was a very good apple for baking and the apples are really good for snacking, too. Sometimes I get into such a rut of buying the same type of apples…Galas and Yellow Delicious, mostly…that I forget there are literally hundreds of other varieties. Sometimes we may do the same when choosing who to have as a friend or even to work with on a team or committee. We choose the varieties of people we are most comfortable around, whether it be an age thing or a personality thing. But sometimes going out of our comfort zone and having a real conversation with someone who makes us a little nervous or uncomfortable can yield great reward. Instead of locking ourselves into the same circle of friends all the time, let’s be adventurous and try some different “varieties” once in awhile!

The Amish Boy and the Cigarettes

14 Comments / September 19, 2011 August 12, 2019

I didn’t even notice him at first. I was standing in line with my Wawa coffee and peanut butter pretzels. It was about 8:30pm on a Sunday night and we had stopped on our way home from the beach to stretch our legs. Ahead of me in the line was the boy. He was about 18 or 19 years old. He wore black pants, suspenders, and a royal blue shirt. His blonde hair was cut in the typical bowl-cut style used by the Amish. Nothing unusual about him. As he got to the counter, I remember thinking that he had nothing in his hand to buy, which caused me to ponder, as it was highly unlikely that an Amish boy was going to buy gasoline. So I watched. I did not have to watch long. I heard him mumble something that the clerk apparently understood. The clerk reached for a pack of Camels and laid them on the counter. The boy, a little sheepishly, gave him the money and walked away. As I watched the whole thing unfold, I thought about the absolute incongruity of the whole situation. Here was a boy who is part of the Amish church. This church is famously known for its policy of keeping separate from the world–down to its horse-driven plows and their favorite mode of transportation, the horse and buggies (because engines are worldly). They only use gas lights (because electricity is worldly) and use no modern-day conveniences within their homes. And yet he was buying cigarettes.

Now, of course, you can’t live anywhere near an Amish community, without knowing their tradition of “rumm-shpringa”, where boys and girls sow their wild oats for a period of time in their late adolescence. This is often celebrated by drinking and dancing parties. And I guess cigarettes, as well. I confess I have never understood how such a tradition could have ever started and seeing it in action has given me no more insight.

But it did make me wonder. How many things do we Christians do that are so incongruous to what our Lord stands for? Over history Christians did not drink, go to the movies, gamble, swear, or dance. They wouldn’t dream of wearing immodest clothing, much less a bikini. Christians went to church on Sunday mornings. The world recognized this “portrait” of a Christian. That was part of how you could tell if someone was a Christian. Of course, not everyone who behaved in this traditional way was an actual true believer. There were many hypocrites. So much so, that,about 25 years ago, we decided to throw the baby out with the bathwater and decide that God only cares about the heart and we can do whatever we want (although I am not sure what it says about our heart if we desire to do so many of these worldly things…just sayin’). This is the latest thing, is it not? Rationalizing our gambling, our R-rated movies, our swearing, our school dances, and our bikinis. Actually the tide has turned so much that there isn’t much rationalizing going on anymore. Most of the things in that list are already accepted as okay for believers to do.

And how it must break God’s heart. Nowhere in God’s Word is there any indication that we should ever sacrifice our personal holiness to reach the world. In fact, I would say that the whole philosophy has back-fired and we aren’t reaching much of anyone. The people who are reached are those who just want fire insurance. The opportunity to do what they want while “knowing” they will end up in the “good” place for eternity instead of the “bad” place. But salvation that doesn’t include personal holiness isn’t salvation at all.

Of course, there are some new Christians who struggle as they learn God’s Word. They struggle learning what is acceptable in God’s sight. But our Christian culture has gone so far down into a pit, that I truly find myself wondering what exactly would be the description by most Christians of “worldly”. If James tells us to remain unspotted from the world (James 1:27) can someone explain exactly what he means in light of our current “Christian” standards? If we are to be separate (2 Corinthians 6), how is this accomplished exactly? John 15:19 goes so far as to say we will be hated by the world, because the world loves its own.

Wow. This was not really the direction I was headed when I started writing about that poor, pathetic Amish boy. The boy who has “permission” from his “Church” to do and behave in whatever way he wants for a short period of time. Seeing this tradition in action makes me realize how silly we Christians look in our worldly actions. Claiming to love a Holy God, and being anything but holy in our behavior. It is utterly incongruous and quite sobering, indeed.

Water in the Basement

Leave a Comment / September 15, 2011 June 24, 2015

Last week brought record flooding to the Eastern United States. Water gushed into the basements of thousands. Carpet and furniture were ruined. TVs, computers, and video game consoles were rendered useless. Photos, toys, clothing, and boxes of Christmas decorations all needed to be sorted through–many of the items tossed into the trash dumpsters that needed to be ordered for the occasion.

Now tell me this–what would happen if someone just decided not to clean up the mess created by the water? What if they just decided to shut the basement door and ignore that it ever happened?

Of course the whole home would become uninhabitable rather quickly. The smell itself would drive out the homeowners. But along with that would come mold and mildew and creatures and sludge. And then, if someone was crazy enough to continue living there, bacteria, infection, and disease would eventually make their presence known.

But, of course, this is a ridiculous line of thought, right? No one in their right mind would let it go this far.

However–

While we might not allow things to rot in our basements, let’s think about our relationships for a minute.

Many of us–maybe even all of us–try to ignore things in our relationships with spouses, children, parents, or friends. We just think if we ignore it it will go away. But would that horrible stench in our basements go away if we just ignore it? Of course not. So why then do we think the problem in our relationship will disappear?

I think this is often the underlying cause of those later-in-life divorces. You know the ones–where they have been married for 25 or 30 years and then, suddenly, out of the blue, the one spouse wants out and the other one never saw it coming. I guarantee you that somewhere in the hazy craziness of all that is going on with that couple, one of them made a decision to ignore something that was really bothering them.

Another example that comes to mind is our teenagers. So many of us just want to ignore the trash on the iPod or the inappropriate texting. Because for the moment, it it the easiest thing to do. But ignoring things like this will lead us to big-time regret.

But it is so much work.

But it is too hard.

But I don’t feel like it.

But I hate conflict.

But it just isn’t worth it to fight.

But I give up.

But I am tired and do not have the energy to deal with this.

But, but, but…

I am afraid we cannot afford the “buts”! What if the basement was flooded and the homeowner pronounced those words?

“I am too tired. It is too hard. It is not worth it. ”

That would be ludicrous, would it not? Why then is it okay for us to do this when we have an issue in a relationship?

Many a marriage has ended in divorce, many a teenager lost to the world, and many friends forever parted–all because someone was not willing to say, “hey, I love you, but this is a problem. Let’s figure this out together, because you are worth it to me.”

Do you have a stench in one of your relationships? Is mold and mildew growing there? Is there a mess that needs to be cleaned up? I know it will be hard work. But it is worth it! Let’s care for and protect our relationships, just like we care for and protect our homes!

Be careful…your character is showing.

1 Comment / September 12, 2011 September 12, 2011

The two boys walked lackadaisically across the street. I waited in my car. Watching them. They both looked unaffected by the fact that a 4500 pound piece of metal on wheels could be used as a weapon with the wrong driver. They looked unaffected by much of anything, actually. I suppose that no one ever told these boys that jay-walking is illegal (in other words: wrong). I guess no one had told these boys that walking slowly and lazily across an intersection- even at a crosswalk- is not only selfish and unkind to the motorists waiting for you, but perhaps a little dangerous, as well. From all appearances, these boys did not feel any responsibility to walk faster. In fact, I am quite certain they were completely wrapped up in their own world and cared about no one but themselves.

I can’t help but contrast these boys to the heroic video showed last night in honor of the tenth anniversary of 9-11. The day that is forever etched in many of our minds. Hundreds of human beings stepped way outside of their selfish box. They stepped up to meet the needs of people they did not even know. For hours. And then for days. They searched and dug by bucketfuls through the dust and the rubble. Looking for both the living and the dead. One firemen talked about his dread of doing that work each morning. But he did it. Because it was what he had to do. Often, character and strength will show up in situations like that. Adrenalin moves in and humans do what needs to be done. It is what a hero is made of. I believe I know many heroes. Men and women who would not hesitate to do what’s right in the midst of a crisis. And I am thankful and proud to know them.

But, let’s face it–it is the daily grind where our real character shines through. It is our daily decisions that show who we really are. Our lives are not shaped by a heroic moment or two. They are shaped by each and every decision. It is so very difficult to do the right thing when there is no one watching. It is difficult to do the right thing when the decision (we believe) will affect no one but us. It is difficult to make the right choice when our parents or our spouse or even our children aren’t there to question us.

Whether it is something as small as lazily walking across the road and forcing people to wait for you or as big as landing in prison for selling drugs, they both show a selfish character. A character that says “I am going to do what I want!”, without care for anyone else. Most of us stay within the “acceptable” social guidelines of selfish. There are hundreds of different, very socially, acceptable ways to be selfish in this culture. But it is still selfish. No matter what the culture says.

As you walk through your day, think about each decision you make…and why you are making that decision. Let’s examine ourselves today. Let’s live beyond the status quo.

2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified.

P.S. God just showed me…like, literally right now, just how selfish I am. As I poured a cup of coffee and had a conversation with my daughter, it quickly turned into a mild argument…because I was being selfish. I may not like this “examine yourself” stuff!