Parenting – Page 15 – Growing 4 Life

Drifting…

2 Comments / July 2, 2012 July 23, 2014

We were enjoying a day at Assateague Island. It is a beautiful, family-oriented beach complete with wild ponies, although we didn’t see any that particular day. We trudged through the sand, looking for a good place to set up. We found one fairly close to the lifeguard, which made us all feel a bit safer, as the surf was in fine form that day. It didn’t take long for the kids to grab their boogie boards and start riding waves. I took my sand chair down to the water’s edge and set up for one of my favorite activities at the beach: people-watching.

Now, if you are a mom you have the art of “ocean scanning” down to a science. Scanning and counting…scanning and counting…over and over again. There’s one…two…there’s kid three…and (sigh of relief) the fourth. I count over and over, making sure they are all safe several times each hour. This started when they were small and even though two are now classified as adults officially, the “mom instinct” doesn’t quit and I am still counting to four several times each hour when we are all together.

This particular day, I got distracted in my people-watching and hadn’t “counted” for awhile. When I finally looked up to start scanning once again, I didn’t see anyone familiar in front of me. My eyes strayed further down the beach and there I spotted our group, several hundred yards away from where they had started. They had drifted, unknowingly, down the beach, away from the lifeguard.

This is such a great picture to what happens to us in life if we aren’t careful. It may be in our marriage, where small selfish decisions become larger and more frequent until we find that we have drifted into indifference. Or perhaps it is our listening and watching habits, where a lack of discernment finds us drifting further and further into the cesspool of what is the American entertainment industry. Or it may be the lure of materialism, where we find ourselves buying “one more thing” and trying to convince ourselves that we will be content, only to find ourselves drifting further and further away from contentment. Drifting is how affairs get started, how relationships break down, and often why our kids walk away from the Lord. We think this one time…this one thing…this won’t hurt. But the next time, it’s so much easier to rationalize once again. And it gets easier and easier. Drifting is a dangerous business.

The only way to keep from drifting is to never let our guards down. Ever. We are to be a watchman for our own lives and for our children. Yes, it is exhausting. It is hard work. And it is time-consuming. But if we are true believers and desire to obey God’s Word, it is required. Too easily, we humans drift into bad habits and dangerous places. Before we know it, we drift away from the lifeguard and the safe place He has provided for those who live in obedience and we move into dangerous territory filled with sharp rocks, giant waves, and dangerous undercurrents. We rarely come away unscathed when we drift away from safety.

Drifting is a natural occurrence. It is only through knowing and obeying God’s word that we can we keep from drifting. It is only through diligent and purposeful examination of each choice we make that we can stay in the vicinity of our Lifeguard. Perhaps we should all examine how close we are to the Lifeguard this day and if we find ourselves far down the beach, may we ask the Lord humbly and sincerely to carry us back to safety.

Hebrews 2:1 Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.

I Corinthians 16:13 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.

The Reign of Incompetence

Leave a Comment / June 28, 2012 June 28, 2012

“Ummm…just a second…I will go check.” The young man who was on the phone with my husband was less than unsure. Eric impatiently waited as the young man went to look for the needed item. When he came back he stammered out an explanation of the item in his hand. That is when Eric realized that he didn’t even have a clue what he was looking for.

Now, you might think that we are being awfully hard on this young man, but the fact of the matter is, what Eric needed was a very basic item found in a hardware store. He should have been able to call and get a quick yes or no. But, instead, he ended up on the phone with someone who was incompetent.

A few weeks later we went out to eat and fell into the hands of an incompetent waitress. She was a pleasant girl, but seemed to be struggling with the very basics of her job. It was a frustrating meal, as we all would try to catch her attention and she wouldn’t even look our way.

We all run into incompetent people now and again, but am I the only one who feels like it is becoming more and more often? So what can we do?

First, we should realize that the clueless person is a person with feelings. Chances are they were thrown into the job without proper training. Or perhaps they are trying to do a job for which they are not suitable. Hopefully, they figure that out sooner rather than later, but our rudeness isn’t going to help them either way. And, as a Christian, we are responsible to treat them with courtesy and kindness, no matter how frustrated we may be (so much easier to write than to do!)

And then, second, I can’t help but think that we, as believers, should never be found to be incompetent. Oh, I know that there are those beginning days of a new job when we are uncertain about things. But we should learn as quickly as we can, always thinking about the next thing, and working hard to know the job. Colossians 3:23-24 are two of my favorite verses. They say: And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.

As believers, we are to do all we do with our best effort, for we are serving the Lord, not men. This is hard to remember when you are in a job atmosphere where workers slack off when the boss isn’t around. Or where there is great laziness and disinterest in the job. But, as believers, we are called by God to be competent, diligent, and hard-working, despite the crowd around us.

And, just a word of caution, this is not the popular thing to do. Oh, your boss will love it (if you don’t have an incompetent, lazy boss who is worried about you surpassing him!) but your co-workers may grow resentful; they may even call you names. Be prepared. Doing what God calls us to in all aspects of life isn’t always easy. In fact, I would venture to say it is usually the rockier route to travel.

And, finally, as parents, business owners, and teachers, let’s work hard to instill this passion for doing the best job we can into our children, employees, and students. Let’s expect competence and diligence from them. Let’s encourage their hearts, while demanding excellence. It is up to us to train the next generation. How are we going to do that if we lazily do our own thing? We have a responsibility and we need to take it seriously.

Incompetence may reign in our culture – but it doesn’t need to reign in the lives of ourselves or our families. Let’s show that we are different because we serve the Lord. Are you ready to travel the rocky path and do what’s right, no matter the cost?

Java Joe’s and the Death of a Dream

2 Comments / June 25, 2012 March 19, 2017

There is an old brick house we pass each year on the way to the beach. One year I saw that this house had become Java Joe’s, an adorable little coffee house. It looked like a great place to enjoy a cup of coffee with a friend and I wished I live closer. But then I noticed a year or two later that Java Joe’s looked deserted. I wondered why it looked closed on a weekday. It seemed so odd. And then last week, on our way to the beach, we passed it again and saw that the building is for sale. Sadly, I realized that the cute little coffee shop is no longer in existence.

My thoughts turned towards the owner who first dreamed of opening a coffee shop someday. I imagined how he must have found the proper piece of real estate to make his dream come true. He probably excitedly prepared plans to turn the old house into a coffee shop and was filled with anticipation as opening day approached. I wondered if the first few months were all he hoped or if it seemed destined for failure from the beginning? This owner had a dream and he went for it! But the dream died the day Java Joe’s closed permanently. Perhaps the owner moved on to bigger and better dreams or maybe he gave up and still bares the scars of his dead dream. I don’t really have any way of knowing.

But I guess all of us have had to say good-bye to dreams at one time or another. They are hard, hard moments. Perhaps it is a wayward child entrapped in a life of abuse. Or a failed business that we poured our heart and soul into. Maybe we have never found Mr. or Miss Right and we have had to say good-bye to our dreams of marriage and family. For some of us, our children will never know their grandparents due to an untimely death. For others of us, we are finding it impossible to have a family at all because of infertility issues or the children we do have are handicapped in some way and their future isn’t what we longed for for our child. Perhaps we suffer with a chronic illness and have had to realize we can’t do what we had always dreamed of. And many have said good-bye to their fairy tale dreams of the perfect marriage while they flounder in the real world of being married to a sinner. So many dream deaths. So many tears. So much sadness. If you have lived on this fallen earth then you have had to say goodbye to a dream.

How do we handle the death of our dreams–especially the ones that we hold so near and dear to our heart? Oftentimes, the disappointment and lingering ramifications are invisible to others, making it even harder to work through it all. Most of us don’t share our deepest innermost feelings with the world and so we bare the pain and grief all alone. We are filled with a desire to shout out–

I am in mourning here! Why don’t you care?!?

But the world just keeps going on, business as usual. It doesn’t care. No one cares.

That is the lie we tell ourselves.

But is it true?

Eventually, if we are believers, we understand that it’s not true. That the God of the universe loves and cares for us (Psalm 55:22; I Peter 5:7). We remember that He is Sovereign and All-Powerful. We submit to His will and we make a purposeful choice to have a good attitude, asking Jesus to shine brightly through us, even through life’s disappointments. We choose to grow stronger, instead of bitter, when we have to say farewell to a precious dream.

Is it easy? Absolutely not.

Is it instant? No way.

But it is possible.

It is all a process of submission and leaning on the Lord for strength. We seldom remain unchanged when working through the death of a dream. The question to ask ourselves is this:

Will I become more like Christ or will I cave in to my bitter, hopeless feelings?

Paul tells us that all is loss, when compared to knowing Christ. I can’t honestly say that I feel that way all of the time but my goal is to grow to that place where I can say along with Paul:

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ (Philippians 3:8).

And so we remember, once again, that we are a tiny speck on the timeline of the universe. Smaller than a speck of dust. And we remember that God is God. He can see the whole timeline. And so we move forward, knowing that God is with us–even through the death of our dreams.

6 reasons to be thankful when following a (very) slow driver

6 Comments / June 14, 2012 November 4, 2017

This week I have found myself behind a plethora of slow drivers. They have included white-haired grandpas, distracted businessmen on cell phones, a new teen-aged driver, and even a granny on a motorcycle. After about the 10th time of being forced to go 10 (or 15!) miles per hour under the speed limit, I figured the Lord may be trying to teach me something. So I started thinking of reasons why I could actually be thankful for the slow (and, if I am honest, aggravating) driver ahead of me.

1. I am receiving a lesson in patience. Oh, how long will it take me to learn it? My brother once wisely said, “I refuse to let a slow or annoying driver steal my peace.” I find myself thinking of his words often.

2. I am enjoying treasured extra moments with my kids. Tonight while driving home at a snail’s pace, we talked about what to look for in a husband, what to do when our friends don’t agree with us, and why kids should go to youth group. We learn so much about each other and have wonderful conversations in the car. Slow drivers give us a few more of those special minutes.

3. I am receiving a lesson in time management. I am sure I am the only one who does this, but I have a bad habit of leaving my house without time to spare. If it takes 15 minutes to get where I am going and I need to be there at 7pm, I leave at 6:45pm. This adds considerable stress to my life if I find myself behind someone who is going really slow. I have not included this lost time in my calculations and it means I may be late! This lesson is having a difficult time making its way into my hard head!

4. I have the opportunity to listen to a podcast or uplifting music for a little while longer. We are so blessed with having wonderful Bible Teachers and hymns and worship music at the touch of a button. Does anyone remember the days when you had to move the record needle back to the song if you wanted to hear it twice? And the interminable waiting for our favorite songs or programs to come on the radio? I would even arrange my schedule around what time Focus on the Family was on the radio. Now we can choose our favorite song or preacher and worship while we lollygag behind the unhurried driver in front of us.

5. God may be protecting me from an accident up ahead. We can rest in His Sovereign plan that He knows best. And since He knows when a sparrow falls, He certainly knows my current situation.

6. Perhaps these few extra minutes are a gift to me for prayer and meditation on God’s Word. But instead, in my frustration, I usually end up fretting and fussing them away.

I wrote this list to help me personally. You may have complete and total patience when driving or you may even be the slow driver! But, on the outside chance that one of my readers also struggles with this issue, I decided to post it. Have a great day!

Facing the Music

Leave a Comment / May 31, 2012 May 31, 2012

A few months ago we were forced to get a new washer. I actually was fine with that, as I had hated my front loader from the day we got it. When I went shopping for a new washer I knew I wanted a top loader. I found a great washer but what they didn’t tell me in the store is that when the load is finished, I get to hear a little song. Not a buzzer or a bell, but a sweet (and rather annoying) little song.

The pleasant tune will play faithfully, not minding what I am doing–I can be in the middle of baking bread or writing or cleaning a closet. If the washer cycle is through, I will hear that song. And if I am going to have clean, fresh-smelling laundry I need to go to my washer as soon as I hear that song. Sometimes I am busy and I forget. Sometimes I am lazy and I think I will do it later and then forget. Or sometimes I am not home. But if I don’t “face the music”, the next time I go to my washer, I will have a musty smell coming from my washer and end up having to wash the same load all over again (have you ever done that or is it just me??)

Sounds a little bit like life, doesn’t it? Sometimes we hear an annoying little song in our relationships. They are warning signs we shouldn’t ignore, perhaps a husband who won’t talk to his wife, a wife who doesn’t like to spend time at home, a child that throws tantrums on a regular basis, a teen that hangs with the wrong friends, just to name a few. These signs signal us that there is a problem that we need to take care of. But we are often too busy or too lazy to worry about it. Or perhaps we have already checked out of the relationship and find ourselves indifferent (this is especially true in marriages and friendships).

Of course, oftentimes, we just aren’t sure what to do so we do nothing. I know exactly what to do when I hear the little song in my washer. I go to the washer and I move the wet laundry from the washer to the dryer. But relationships aren’t always so cut and dried, are they?

But one thing that is for sure: that annoying song probably won’t go away on its own. And it will probably get louder. Every divorce started with small steps in the wrong direction. Most rebellious teens showed signs years before the rebellion occurred. Most friendships showed signs of wear before a break was completely made.

Just like my washer cannot be ignored, neither can our relationships. We have a responsibility to do all we can to mend broken relationships. We need to look at ourselves – how do I need to change? We need to do all we can personally do to fix the problem. And all the while, we need to be committing it to prayer on a regular basis. It can be a painful, torturous process, but the reward is so worth it!

Let’s take necessary steps to do what we can to heal the problems we see in our relationships. Sure, we are only ever half of the equation. But we are half! Have a blessed day as you face the music in your life!

2 Thessalonians 3:13 But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good.

Are you really saved?

8 Comments / May 24, 2012 July 24, 2023

I have a great fear that in this day and age of “easy-believism” there is a trend to blindly consider ourselves saved and then to continue living our sinful, selfish, and worldly lives without ever changing at all. But if our life has not been transformed or changed in any way are we even really a believer? The testimony found below would indicate that we probably are not saved if this is the case. Spiritual growth happens at different paces and in a multitude of ways– but it always happens in the lives of those that are saved.

Last week a college friend e-mailed me to say “hello”. I hadn’t heard from him personally for some time, but my brother (a good friend of his) had shared his amazing testimony with me a few years ago. This young man had grown up in Christian family and spent all of his life attending church. He attended Christian school and even a Christian college. He was a “good” guy. He thought he was saved but then the Lord, in His amazing grace and mercy, showed Him that he was not. I asked him if I may share his story with you. He kindly said, “yes” and e-mailed me this:

I professed to be a Christian at the age of six years old. My parents had been taking me to church since I was born, and continued taking me as long as I was under their roof. My parents sacrificed to send me to the Christian schools all but three years of my elementary and high school education. I attended two years at Grace College. When I applied at Grace, I was asked if I was a Christian. I assured them I was. I went on a short term mission trip with 59 other high school age kids when I was 17. Again, one of the questions to get on this mission team was if I was a Christian. I assured them I was. I met a wonderful young woman at Grace. When I went to pick her up for the first time at her house, her father grilled me in concern for his daughter. The first question he asked me is if I was a Christian. I assured him I was. Before this young lady went out with me for the second time she asked me if I was a Christian. I assured her I was. After being married for a while she continued to ask me at various intervals if I really was a Christian. Time after time I assured her I was. There were many times during my life that I asked myself that same question: was I a Christian? I assured myself I was. After all, I grew up in the church. I walked up the aisle at church and said that I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart. I was baptized, twice. At each and every step in my life my spiritual state was questioned and I always answered the same: “Of course I am!”

I mentioned that my wife repeatedly asked me if I was a Christian after we were married. She did this because she saw things in my life that seemed contrary to what a Christian is. The biggest thing she saw in my life was apathy towards God. When I sat down in church, as soon as the singing was over I settled down for a nap. I never read the Bible on my own. She never saw me praying. Most of my actions and behavior growing up and after marriage screamed that I was unsaved. In thirty-three years of claiming to be a Christian there was absolutely no growth, no good fruit. How could this be? How could someone claiming to be a Christian for over thirty years have nothing to show for it?

I want to tell you today that the reason there was no good fruit in my life and the reason I was totally apathetic and bored with Biblical things was because I was not a Christian. The knowledge of who Jesus Christ was never made it to my heart. I knew many things about Him. I wanted Him as my Savior, to keep me out of hell. I wanted all the benefits of being a Christian. But I refused to put Jesus as the Lord of my life. I did not serve Him. I did not love Him. I loved myself. I served my sinful desires. Matthew 6:24 says, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” Matthew 7:18-23 is a passage that really wakes a person up. It says, “A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus by their fruit you will recognize them. Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord’, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophecy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me you evildoers!’

I was a bad tree because I bore no good fruit. Every aspect of my life was bad fruit. But just a few short years ago, when things were getting really bad in my life, I realized that all my fruit was bad because I was not saved. At that moment I turned my life over to Jesus, asked Him to forgive all those years I did things in His name, but in actuality was an evil doer. I asked Him to heal my broken life and help me to love Him with all my heart, mind, strength, and soul. The apathy left me immediately. From that moment on I have loved reading, hearing, and talking about my Savior. Making Jesus my Lord meant that everything I did was with Him in mind. See, I had always believed the basics of the Bible, but we are told that even demons believe, and tremble. All those years, though I believed what the Bible said, I had been a slave to my sinful self, a slave to sin, but now I am a slave to my Savior Jesus Christ. So now I can truly call Him my Savior and Lord.

You see, being a Christian is not just growing up in the church, being good most of the time, doing things in the name of Christianity, and even believing what the Bible says. It is a personal relationship with Jesus. It is loving His name. It is serving Him. And it is longing to be with Him. For years I had a list of things that I wanted to do before going to heaven. But now there is nothing in this world that I desire more than to be with Jesus for all eternity.

I want to thank my friend, Trent, for allowing me to share his testimony with you. He became saved over five years ago now and his thirst for God increases each day. His whole life has changed because he is now truly born again!

Do you yearn to know God more? Are you growing in your knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? Do you love the things He loves and hates the things He hates? Are you serving God or are you serving yourself? This is a great day to take an honest look at yourself. Are you really saved?

Thanks, Mom…

2 Comments / May 10, 2012 May 10, 2012

I have taken my mom for granted since…well, perhaps, forever. As a small child, I knew she would be there to take my temperature, rub my back in church, and play games with me. As I moved into being a teenager, I expected her to listen to me, to shop with me, and to let me borrow her car. When I became a young mother, I plied her with all types of questions on marriage and raising kids, always expecting her to be there for me. And guess what? She was. I am one of those incredibly blessed people who really has a great mom.

These days I ask her questions about how do deal with my teenagers and my middle-aged emotions. And my mom always has a wise answer that gives me encouragement and patience as I work through struggles. I always know I can count on her love and support. In the process of talking with my mom, she has become one of my very best friends.

Now that I am a mother, I better understand her love for me. I have a deeper understanding of the sacrifices she made all through the years for me. If you are a parent, you understand your mom’s love in a much fuller way, as well.

Mother’s Day is on Sunday. Have you contemplated recently on just how much your mom has done for you? Have you thought about how much she has sacrificed for you through the years?

Some of you may be screaming inside right now that YES, I have thought about that a lot! because you have lost your mother to cancer or an accident or to heart disease. You just wish you could have her back again to tell her how much you appreciate her.

And some of you are thinking NO, I don’t understand because you feel like your mother didn’t make many sacrifices for you and you felt bereft and abandoned much of your growing up years.

But so many of us are still blessed to have the support and encouragement of mothers on a daily basis. Moms who love us no matter how much we screw up. Moms who babysit for us. Moms who come in and clean for us or cook for us when we are going through a rough patch. Moms who buy us stuff. Moms who are there for us without fail.

If you are one of the blessed ones, let her know that you feel that way on Mother’s Day this year. Don’t let another year go by without giving her some honest and heartfelt appreciation for all she has done for you.

And, Mom, if you are reading this, thank you so much…for everything.

It’s a Choice.

Leave a Comment / May 3, 2012 May 3, 2016

Last night I kept waking up. Have you ever had one of those nights? First, it was an alarm that was accidentally set for 1:07am (how in the world did that happen?) and then came a storm (Oh, no! All of the computers are plugged in! And what about my young plants sitting on the porch?!) I hate nights like that. You wake up feeling like you haven’t slept at all. And you start thinking, “this is going to be a bad day.” That’s what I used to do, anyway. I would give myself license to be grumpy and short-tempered after I hadn’t slept well. But then came that night long ago…

It was one of those nights as a young mom that you dread. Yay! The baby fell asleep. You nod off…for 2 minutes…only to be awakened by a loud cry. Uugh. You head back to the baby’s room to pat her for 20 minutes. You tiptoe out of the room. The cry starts up again. You go back to pat her. She is finally asleep! This happens 2 or 3 more times through the night. Is the baby teething? Or is something wrong? Should I take her to the doctor tomorrow? The baby finally is asleep for the night and then your 3 year old has a nightmare. And so he climbs into bed with you and you feel like the middle of an oreo for the next couple of hours. As you lay there, tossing and turning, the problems of your life magnify and you grow fearful of how you are going to afford something or why someone said something hurtful to you or you worry that something is seriously wrong with the baby and you play it all out in your head. Have you ever had a night like that? They are dark and very long.

But morning light comes. And that morning long ago, after a night something like that, I awoke, took two seconds to remember that my night at been just awful, and knew then and there that this was going to be a terrible day. I could feel the “grumpiness” welling up inside me.

As I headed into the shower to try to wake up and stood there letting the hot water stream down over my body I suddenly had this thought (which I believe God gave me): “It’s a choice.”

What?! Again that thought: It’s a choice. You do not have to have a bad day just because you didn’t sleep well. But of course I do, I argued inside of my head. How in the world can I function on such a small amount of sleep? I am someone who needs 8 hours of sleep. You know that, God, because you designed me that way. If I don’t get 8 hours I get irritable and ill-tempered. But these words kept coming back: It’s a choice. And I stopped arguing because I knew that it was true.

I stepped out of that shower a different person than I went in. As silly as it sounds, I had never thought through the fact that, no matter what circumstances we want to blame our choices on, we do make a choice about whether we will be irritable or whether we will be considerate. We choose to be kind or we choose to be brusque in how we respond to others.

Now, I definitely still struggle with this. But that incident was a defining moment for me. I no longer blame my attitude on a lack of sleep. Because, clearly, I have a choice. And so, even thought I didn’t sleep well last night, I choose that this day will not be ruined by my bad night’s sleep!

Getting Dropped

2 Comments / April 30, 2012 April 30, 2012

I read through the letter in my hand. Disbelief was first. Then came anger. And, finally, resignation. After all, what could we do? What I was looking at was a letter from the auto insurance company we had been with for over 20 years. I held a letter stating that they were dropping our family due to two cars being totaled within two years. Really? These were the first big accidents that had occurred in our family in all of those years. Apparently that doesn’t matter in the auto insurance world.

And, suddenly, we were on the hunt for a new auto insurance company, which wasn’t going to be easy given that we were just “dropped” by our former company. I called a couple of different agents and they started running the numbers. It wasn’t looking great. Finally, I got a call with a pretty decent number. The estimate was e-mailed and as I went over it my eyes slid to the words “6 month policy”. Oh, great. No wonder the number was decent – it was only for 6 months. So that meant the quoted number was multiplied times two for what looked like a pretty outrageous yearly rate.

Frustration set in. It just didn’t seem fair. In fact, when the agent called me about setting up the policy I started complaining about how unfair life is in the insurance world. She kindly said she understood and the conversation continued on like that for a moment.

And then, all of a sudden, I stopped. It dawned on me that we are all still alive after two serious accidents. It really was amazing that we walked away without injuries or even death. And then I thought of something else to be thankful for: we can afford to pay the new policy. Oh, we don’t like it and it is annoying…but we can afford it. I was ashamed. I was complaining when I should have been thanking the Lord, once again, for sparing my family in not one, but two, accidents. I should have been thanking the Lord that we were not making a choice between driving and eating.

Oftentimes the irritations we face in life are such small trials in the scope of life. They are inconvenient and annoying. We view them as major trials because they take us out of our comfort zones and force us to go a different direction than we wanted to go. Meanwhile, all around us, are people who are going through what I would call real trials – a loved one with cancer, a birth defect that changes everything, or the loss of a job and questions about survival, just to name a few.

James 1:2 tells us to count it all joy when you fall into various trials. We all face various trials – some are very small and some are very large. But through it all, it is very important to keep perspective and a thankful heart. Many of the small trials grow very dim in the light of the many blessings we have.

And so our family is paying an exorbitant amount for auto insurance this year. But we are all alive and it won’t keep us from eating so I am thankful!

Pushing Too Hard

4 Comments / April 26, 2012 April 26, 2012

A few evenings ago I found myself grating soap for a project*. Three bars of Fels-Naptha soap had to be grated into a bucket for this project to be completed. And so I unwrapped the first bar and started grating. I pushed really hard on the grater and could feel its plastic frame bending beneath the pressure. My arm grew tired and I started wondering what I had gotten myself into. When I had only a little bit of that first bar left, it hit me. Pushing the soap onto the grater so strongly may be hindering this process…not helping. And so with the next bar, I decided to let the grater do the work. Instead of pushing, I simply guided the soap. The last two bars went so much more smoothly than that first one and were half the work. And I realized that had I kept pushing so hard, I would have probably broken my grater and came away from the project with a very sore arm.

And I wondered…could this be similar to how it works with someone we love? Specifically, I was thinking of my husband and older children. When I see something in their lives that just isn’t honoring the Lord, do I tend to push (nag, complain, punish, constantly bring it up)?

Of course, there are situations where we have to push. But, more often than not, in my own personal experience, pushing leads to broken relationships and a very tired “pusher”. Could it be that guiding and praying is a better way to deal with some situations?

I can think of several issues over the years where this has been true, but most recently, a specific issue comes to mind. A few years ago I became very concerned about a pattern I was seeing in the life of one of my children. This child was drinking multiple sodas every day and eating a ton of candy. They were old enough to make their own decisions and spent enough time outside our home that I could not control what they were putting into their body. I grew worried about the long-term ramifications of this pattern and so I started pushing. “You shouldn’t be drinking this.” “You shouldn’t be eating that.” I was mostly ignored. “I’ve got to die from something, Mom,” they would say. After awhile, I realized that my words weren’t helping and I backed off and started praying.

That was probably a year ago now. A few months ago, this child started making changes in their eating patterns. Awareness had dawned and changes were following. Only a few weeks ago, this same child came to me one morning and shared their serious intention to start curbing their sugar intake. Their choices since then shows that they meant what they said that day. Wow. Really? Thank you, Lord! You can change my child without my constant pushing and nagging!

Parenting is tough. Marriage is tough. But perhaps sometimes we make it so much harder when we try to push and pull and be the ones to bring about change in the lives of the ones we love instead of leaving it up to God?

And that is what I learned from grating a few bars of soap.

*In case you are curious, the project was making my own powdered detergent for my HE washer. I found the recipe on Pinterest and thought I would give it a try. I have used it for several loads already and so far, so good!