Life – Page 46 – Growing 4 Life

Standing out in the crowd

2 Comments / May 17, 2012 May 17, 2012

We had the wonderful privilege of watching our oldest daughter graduate from college this past Saturday. We were able to sit right along the aisle where the graduates walked in and were able to get some great pictures.

However, when your last name begins with an “A” and the line is organized alphabetically, you end up at the very beginning. For this particular line, it meant our daughter was number 8 out of somewhere around 1100 graduates. So, after we had smiled, waved, and taken our fill of pictures of her, we had a lot of graduates to watch walk in. At first, I watched their faces, most with bright eyes and proud smiles. I did see one guy with head phones in – which is worthy of a blog post all on its own (really? on your graduation day?!)

Eventually, my eyes wandered down to the feet walking by me. Hundreds and hundreds of feet covered in almost just as many different styles of shoes. I saw sneakers and sandals and flip flops. I saw a pair of work boots and a pair of brightly colored, flower-printed high, high heels. But the one thing I realized as I watched all of those feet pass by me was that some of the shoes stood out and others just blended in with the rest around them.

As the minutes wore on, I thought about the credit and applause that is often given to people who are independent and willing to be different when it comes to shoes and clothing and lifestyle. “You do whatever you want to do!” we hear. People are told to follow their hearts and live their dreams, no matter what other people think.

But, yet, if we stand out because we aren’t willing to go to a certain movie or wear a bikini or listen to a certain music group – well, suddenly, we aren’t so applauded, are we? Instead we are labeled things like prudish, goody two-shoes, and narrow-minded. In the world we live in, it is a wonderful thing to be different – as long as you are picking the right thing in which to be different.

But I ask you – if we Christians aren’t dramatically different than the world, how will the world know that we have something they may want? What exactly does the Bible mean when it tells us not to love the world? Verses giving this message abound (in John 15:18-19, James 1:27, and I John 2:15-16 just to name a few). It would seem to me that modern day Christianity is telling us the opposite of these verses. Why exactly are we being told that we need to be like the world instead of the scriptural teaching that we shouldn’t be like the world?

I think that is a question that has a multitude of answers and some of them may even make some sense to our finite, human minds. But, as always, we can’t argue with scripture. God tells us to stay unspotted from the world. Our witness for Jesus Christ is at stake here. God calls us out of the world to be light and salt for Him. By being pure and holy in a culture that is drowning in darkness and wickedness we become a beacon in the night to those who are searching for answers.

I know this is so very unpopular, but let’s stand out like a brightly colored pair of shoes in a line of non-descript loafers for following our Savior whole-heartedly. May it not matter what worldly pleasures we have to deny, what cost it be to our personal reputation, or what friendships are affected by it. Let’s be a different brand of Christian and stand up for Jesus!

Stand up, stand up for Jesus
As soldiers of the cross.
Lift high his royal banner;
It must not suffer loss.
From victory unto victory
His army he shall lead
Till every foe is vanquished
And Christ is Lord indeed.

There All Along

Leave a Comment / May 14, 2012 May 14, 2012

I have been buying cilantro these last few months on a regular basis. Cilantro is a wonderful fresh herb that makes salsas and Mexican dishes taste amazing. I tried to grow it last year but I don’t think I gave it enough sunshine and it didn’t last very long. But this spring, as I saw fresh cilantro plants in the grocery store, I would buy one that would last a week or two and then I would buy another one…that would last a week or two. Finally, I went to the nursery and bought a cilantro plant to see if that would be more hardy (it is still alive, by the way). But last Saturday, I went outside and found this:

I stared at it and thought what in the world is this?? I did not plant that there! And then I noticed the leaf and a light bulb went off. I tore a bit off and rubbed it between my fingers. How about that? It was a giant cilantro plant growing right in the middle of my flower garden. The plant was almost as tall as I was. I had been buying cilantro and here I had more than I could ever use right outside my kitchen door.

That is such a great picture of the riches we have in Christ, isn’t it? We long to be filled, so we try to fill ourselves with material possessions, relationships, and power. The satisfaction doesn’t last, so we keep “buying” more…perhaps it is the next level of the job or a bigger house or a different spouse. But the satisfaction always dies and we are left looking for yet one more thing. And, yet, if we are a believer, true and lasting satisfaction is right within our grasp. It is right in front of us and we don’t even realize it.

God waits to give us all we need. He wants to be the One we run to when we are struggling. He is ready to pour out spiritual blessings on us. But we continue to wallow in the mud trying to fill ourselves up and basically making a mess out of things. Buying more stuff only to watch it fade away. Gaining more popularity and power, only to grow old and watch it disappear.

You see, all of life is so fleeting and only one thing is of eternal value. All of our life should be given to knowing Jesus Christ and making Him known. That will fill us in a way that nothing else can. And it will take our eyes off of ourselves and put them on furthering the Kingdom. We live in a lost and dying world and God is waiting for the lost to come to Him, weary and broken and repentant, to give them a new life. But many of us (including me) are so busy trying to fill our own hearts and lives that we can’t worry too much about the lost state of others.

And, yet, just like my cilantro plant, God has been waiting there all along. If we will obey His Word and turn our life completely over to Him, we will be filled and satisfied more than we can ever imagine. Why do we wait?

I am not sure I wanted a cilantro plant in my flower garden. I have an herb garden for such things. But I may just leave it there to serve as a reminder that my God is my comfort and source of satisfaction…that He is my reason for living and my main priority. After all, can you ever have too much cilantro?

Psalm 16:5 O LORD, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You maintain my lot.

Thanks, Mom…

2 Comments / May 10, 2012 May 10, 2012

I have taken my mom for granted since…well, perhaps, forever. As a small child, I knew she would be there to take my temperature, rub my back in church, and play games with me. As I moved into being a teenager, I expected her to listen to me, to shop with me, and to let me borrow her car. When I became a young mother, I plied her with all types of questions on marriage and raising kids, always expecting her to be there for me. And guess what? She was. I am one of those incredibly blessed people who really has a great mom.

These days I ask her questions about how do deal with my teenagers and my middle-aged emotions. And my mom always has a wise answer that gives me encouragement and patience as I work through struggles. I always know I can count on her love and support. In the process of talking with my mom, she has become one of my very best friends.

Now that I am a mother, I better understand her love for me. I have a deeper understanding of the sacrifices she made all through the years for me. If you are a parent, you understand your mom’s love in a much fuller way, as well.

Mother’s Day is on Sunday. Have you contemplated recently on just how much your mom has done for you? Have you thought about how much she has sacrificed for you through the years?

Some of you may be screaming inside right now that YES, I have thought about that a lot! because you have lost your mother to cancer or an accident or to heart disease. You just wish you could have her back again to tell her how much you appreciate her.

And some of you are thinking NO, I don’t understand because you feel like your mother didn’t make many sacrifices for you and you felt bereft and abandoned much of your growing up years.

But so many of us are still blessed to have the support and encouragement of mothers on a daily basis. Moms who love us no matter how much we screw up. Moms who babysit for us. Moms who come in and clean for us or cook for us when we are going through a rough patch. Moms who buy us stuff. Moms who are there for us without fail.

If you are one of the blessed ones, let her know that you feel that way on Mother’s Day this year. Don’t let another year go by without giving her some honest and heartfelt appreciation for all she has done for you.

And, Mom, if you are reading this, thank you so much…for everything.

Where did the fish go?

Leave a Comment / May 7, 2012 May 7, 2012

This spring we opened our pond to find fish missing. We have had a beautiful pond in our backyard for several years now. The number of fish had grown each year until it had held about 18 fish, a variety of beautiful koi and multicolored goldfish, when we closed our pond last fall. In order to prepare for winter, we had put a small pump in to keep the pond from freezing and covered it with a net to keep the leaves and corn shocks out. But instead of finding all of our fish this spring, we were so disappointed to find only seven of them swimming in the pond when we opened it last week. Seven out of 18! We lost over half of our fish this winter. What happened to them?

We still don’t know. We are assuming a mink or raccoon came in and stole them. Because we live on the edge of a field most of the wild animals can find enough to eat without coming on to our property, but some brave creature must have risked our dogs and my son’s shotgun and decided it was worth the trip. We are guessing it was a creature that prowls about at night. Now we have to figure out how to keep the rest of our fish safe.

We had made an assumption that our fish would be okay over the winter. We had not gone to the pond to count them nor done anything to ensure their safety. We had gone about our lives all winter long, assuming the fish would be there when it was time to re-open the pond. We had nonchalantly made a wrong assumption and it had cost the fish their lives.

Many of us treat our spiritual health like we treated our pond over the winter. We throw a pump in (we go to church every Sunday) and we cast a net over it (turn on Christian music radio) and then we go live our life. But is that enough to keep us spiritually healthy?

I Peter 5:8 says: Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Most of us do not want to think about the devil at work trying to devour us. We prefer not to think about the spiritual battle we are in and instead rest easy assuming we will be just fine. But if I Peter 5:8 is true (and, as it is God’s Word, we know it is) then we have an enemy in the devil. We cannot ever let our guard down. We can never make the assumption that we (or our families) are safe spiritually. We must approach life with open eyes, wisdom, and discernment.

How can this be accomplished? How do we keep our eyes open so that we can make sure we aren’t devoured or even deceived by our enemy?

1) Read God’s Word and pray faithfully. This is tougher than it sounds. I will have a couple of weeks where I read every morning and then I will get busy and find myself having gone a week without opening my Bible. But we have a responsibility to keep our schedules free enough that we have time to include time with God. I am still working on this one!

2) Be sure any resources we read (or listen to) for spiritual growth are biblical. This is a tricky one, because the Christian market today is flooded with books and preachers that claim to be “Christian” but are filled with deceptive, anti-Christian words. We need to constantly be comparing all spiritual material against the words of the Holy scriptures.

3) Use discernment in our entertainment choices. Many people will tell you that it doesn’t matter what you fill your mind with but scripture tells us differently (Philippians 4:8). We cannot expect to fill our minds with all of the things God hates and then be spiritually healthy. Again, this is hard, because we live in a world where entertainment in almost like an idol. But we have a responsibility to guard our spiritual health and bad choices in entertainment may be the number one thing that weakens believers.

4) Confess our sins. This is one I have been thinking about recently. We do not hear much on confession anymore, do we? But in order to confess our sins, we have to ask God to show us our sin. And that leads to awareness. Lots of times I will just go about my life not even realizing the sins I commit against my Heavenly Father every day – even every hour. But if I sit down and take the time to pray and confess, I will realize that I probably didn’t handle the situation with my child correctly or I wasn’t the wife I should have been when we had that argument. Confession leads to a sensitivity of sin.

5) And, finally, we need to always be thinking. We can NEVER let our guard down. In this current age, there are so many attacks on true, biblical Christianity that it is downright frightening. As believers who desire to be spiritually healthy, we never have the luxury to simply just live our lives. Instead, we are in a constant battle with our flesh and with worldly philosophies. We have a responsibility to think about this and to approach all of life with wisdom instead of blind acceptance.

Ephesians 6:10-20 describes the armor we are to wear as believers. Armor is worn for battles. We can safely assume that if Paul gave us a detailed description of the spiritual armor we are to wear, then we are in a spiritual battle. How is your battle looking? Are you winning? Or is the devil winning? Do you even care?

We lost over half of our fish before we became aware that there was even a problem. We nonchalantly and naively assumed they were fine. This same nonchalance, if used to approach our spiritual health, will lead to the loss of more than a few fish, if we don’t pay close attention.

It’s a Choice.

Leave a Comment / May 3, 2012 May 3, 2016

Last night I kept waking up. Have you ever had one of those nights? First, it was an alarm that was accidentally set for 1:07am (how in the world did that happen?) and then came a storm (Oh, no! All of the computers are plugged in! And what about my young plants sitting on the porch?!) I hate nights like that. You wake up feeling like you haven’t slept at all. And you start thinking, “this is going to be a bad day.” That’s what I used to do, anyway. I would give myself license to be grumpy and short-tempered after I hadn’t slept well. But then came that night long ago…

It was one of those nights as a young mom that you dread. Yay! The baby fell asleep. You nod off…for 2 minutes…only to be awakened by a loud cry. Uugh. You head back to the baby’s room to pat her for 20 minutes. You tiptoe out of the room. The cry starts up again. You go back to pat her. She is finally asleep! This happens 2 or 3 more times through the night. Is the baby teething? Or is something wrong? Should I take her to the doctor tomorrow? The baby finally is asleep for the night and then your 3 year old has a nightmare. And so he climbs into bed with you and you feel like the middle of an oreo for the next couple of hours. As you lay there, tossing and turning, the problems of your life magnify and you grow fearful of how you are going to afford something or why someone said something hurtful to you or you worry that something is seriously wrong with the baby and you play it all out in your head. Have you ever had a night like that? They are dark and very long.

But morning light comes. And that morning long ago, after a night something like that, I awoke, took two seconds to remember that my night at been just awful, and knew then and there that this was going to be a terrible day. I could feel the “grumpiness” welling up inside me.

As I headed into the shower to try to wake up and stood there letting the hot water stream down over my body I suddenly had this thought (which I believe God gave me): “It’s a choice.”

What?! Again that thought: It’s a choice. You do not have to have a bad day just because you didn’t sleep well. But of course I do, I argued inside of my head. How in the world can I function on such a small amount of sleep? I am someone who needs 8 hours of sleep. You know that, God, because you designed me that way. If I don’t get 8 hours I get irritable and ill-tempered. But these words kept coming back: It’s a choice. And I stopped arguing because I knew that it was true.

I stepped out of that shower a different person than I went in. As silly as it sounds, I had never thought through the fact that, no matter what circumstances we want to blame our choices on, we do make a choice about whether we will be irritable or whether we will be considerate. We choose to be kind or we choose to be brusque in how we respond to others.

Now, I definitely still struggle with this. But that incident was a defining moment for me. I no longer blame my attitude on a lack of sleep. Because, clearly, I have a choice. And so, even thought I didn’t sleep well last night, I choose that this day will not be ruined by my bad night’s sleep!

Getting Dropped

2 Comments / April 30, 2012 April 30, 2012

I read through the letter in my hand. Disbelief was first. Then came anger. And, finally, resignation. After all, what could we do? What I was looking at was a letter from the auto insurance company we had been with for over 20 years. I held a letter stating that they were dropping our family due to two cars being totaled within two years. Really? These were the first big accidents that had occurred in our family in all of those years. Apparently that doesn’t matter in the auto insurance world.

And, suddenly, we were on the hunt for a new auto insurance company, which wasn’t going to be easy given that we were just “dropped” by our former company. I called a couple of different agents and they started running the numbers. It wasn’t looking great. Finally, I got a call with a pretty decent number. The estimate was e-mailed and as I went over it my eyes slid to the words “6 month policy”. Oh, great. No wonder the number was decent – it was only for 6 months. So that meant the quoted number was multiplied times two for what looked like a pretty outrageous yearly rate.

Frustration set in. It just didn’t seem fair. In fact, when the agent called me about setting up the policy I started complaining about how unfair life is in the insurance world. She kindly said she understood and the conversation continued on like that for a moment.

And then, all of a sudden, I stopped. It dawned on me that we are all still alive after two serious accidents. It really was amazing that we walked away without injuries or even death. And then I thought of something else to be thankful for: we can afford to pay the new policy. Oh, we don’t like it and it is annoying…but we can afford it. I was ashamed. I was complaining when I should have been thanking the Lord, once again, for sparing my family in not one, but two, accidents. I should have been thanking the Lord that we were not making a choice between driving and eating.

Oftentimes the irritations we face in life are such small trials in the scope of life. They are inconvenient and annoying. We view them as major trials because they take us out of our comfort zones and force us to go a different direction than we wanted to go. Meanwhile, all around us, are people who are going through what I would call real trials – a loved one with cancer, a birth defect that changes everything, or the loss of a job and questions about survival, just to name a few.

James 1:2 tells us to count it all joy when you fall into various trials. We all face various trials – some are very small and some are very large. But through it all, it is very important to keep perspective and a thankful heart. Many of the small trials grow very dim in the light of the many blessings we have.

And so our family is paying an exorbitant amount for auto insurance this year. But we are all alive and it won’t keep us from eating so I am thankful!

Pushing Too Hard

4 Comments / April 26, 2012 April 26, 2012

A few evenings ago I found myself grating soap for a project*. Three bars of Fels-Naptha soap had to be grated into a bucket for this project to be completed. And so I unwrapped the first bar and started grating. I pushed really hard on the grater and could feel its plastic frame bending beneath the pressure. My arm grew tired and I started wondering what I had gotten myself into. When I had only a little bit of that first bar left, it hit me. Pushing the soap onto the grater so strongly may be hindering this process…not helping. And so with the next bar, I decided to let the grater do the work. Instead of pushing, I simply guided the soap. The last two bars went so much more smoothly than that first one and were half the work. And I realized that had I kept pushing so hard, I would have probably broken my grater and came away from the project with a very sore arm.

And I wondered…could this be similar to how it works with someone we love? Specifically, I was thinking of my husband and older children. When I see something in their lives that just isn’t honoring the Lord, do I tend to push (nag, complain, punish, constantly bring it up)?

Of course, there are situations where we have to push. But, more often than not, in my own personal experience, pushing leads to broken relationships and a very tired “pusher”. Could it be that guiding and praying is a better way to deal with some situations?

I can think of several issues over the years where this has been true, but most recently, a specific issue comes to mind. A few years ago I became very concerned about a pattern I was seeing in the life of one of my children. This child was drinking multiple sodas every day and eating a ton of candy. They were old enough to make their own decisions and spent enough time outside our home that I could not control what they were putting into their body. I grew worried about the long-term ramifications of this pattern and so I started pushing. “You shouldn’t be drinking this.” “You shouldn’t be eating that.” I was mostly ignored. “I’ve got to die from something, Mom,” they would say. After awhile, I realized that my words weren’t helping and I backed off and started praying.

That was probably a year ago now. A few months ago, this child started making changes in their eating patterns. Awareness had dawned and changes were following. Only a few weeks ago, this same child came to me one morning and shared their serious intention to start curbing their sugar intake. Their choices since then shows that they meant what they said that day. Wow. Really? Thank you, Lord! You can change my child without my constant pushing and nagging!

Parenting is tough. Marriage is tough. But perhaps sometimes we make it so much harder when we try to push and pull and be the ones to bring about change in the lives of the ones we love instead of leaving it up to God?

And that is what I learned from grating a few bars of soap.

*In case you are curious, the project was making my own powdered detergent for my HE washer. I found the recipe on Pinterest and thought I would give it a try. I have used it for several loads already and so far, so good!

“Enough” Day

Leave a Comment / April 23, 2012 July 14, 2015

Perhaps it is time to let the Joneses know that the war is over and they have won. Perhaps we should declare Enough Day. Enough of keeping up with the Joneses, enough gadgets, enough clothing. As I browsed through a New York City store on Saturday, I became aware of how important this declaration is. As my daughter and I walked through the store and saw the expensive earrings, the amazing dresses, and the stylish shirts, the gnawing of “if only” started in our hearts. If only we could afford this. If only we could buy that.

But if we buy it we are only going to want something else. We realize that, right? It doesn’t solve the “want it right now” problem–we just find a different thing to want. I have first-hand experience with this, so you can trust that I know what I am talking about.

So what are some ways to help curb our appetite for “stuff”?

1) Go shopping as little as possible. You really don’t even know what you are missing if you don’t pay too close attention. It isn’t until I walk through a store that I realize what I can’t (or shouldn’t) buy. It isn’t until I walk through the store that I even care.

2) Realize that we don’t need the next best thing. Technology is the place where we really struggle with this insatiable desire. And Apple and Microsoft play off of this, don’t they? We buy the latest and greatest and within a few short months it is outdated and old. I found this true with my iPad 1. I was so excited to get an iPad. And I do use it quite a bit for both business and personal use. But shortly after I bought it, iPad 2 came out. Oh well, I don’t really need a camera on my iPad. Then iPad 3 came out. Wow, they keep talking about the incredible retina display. Perhaps it is time to upgrade? But after a few minutes of thought, I realized I don’t need an iPad 3. It was that unhealthy desire creeping in. In the world we find ourselves in, a cool new thing is introduced every few months. Oh, how we need to learn to be content with what we have.

3) Stop making our stuff such a priority. Have you ever seen someone get angry if they find a tiny scratch in their car? Or perhaps really get upset if someone accidentally breaks their latest gadget? We tend to put too much importance on our stuff. It becomes more important to us than it should. This is a tough one. Sometimes we value our stuff more than we value people. We often have our priorities all turned around. We need to get them back to the way they should be.

4) Use our material blessings for the glory of God. We need to remember that, as believers, all we own isn’t ours, anyway. If we have been blessed with a spacious home, then let’s use it for Christian hospitality. If we have some extra money in our budget, let’s give it away instead of buying something for ourselves. Let’s remember that everything we have has been given to us by God to use for His glory. We are to be good stewards of any material possessions that have been graciously provided to us. Sometimes we forget this important fact.

5) Keep our eyes off of others’ stuff. This is true in more ways than one. First, we need to keep our eyes off of others so we don’t covet what they have. If we see that so-and-so has a brand new car, we tend to grow discontent that we can’t have one, too. But we also need to keep our eyes off of others so that we don’t judge them when it comes to material possessions. We need to remember that what someone has or owns is between them and the Lord. We don’t know that person’s heart or their salary. We should never judge anyone for what they do or do not have. Let’s worry about our own lives and hearts and what God is calling us to do and keep our eyes off of others.

The declaration of “Enough” day actually came from a sermon by David Jeremiah that I was listening to the other day. It hit home for me. I truly do need to learn to be content with what I have. Because it is only through contentment that we can experience the true joy and peace that should come along with being a Christian.

Philippians 4:11-12 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

The Impossible Task

2 Comments / April 16, 2012 April 16, 2012

Saturday dawned bright and beautiful. It was the perfect temperature to work outside and I took it upon myself to clean up my back patio. Unfortunately, you can’t help but notice the gas grill if you are out there. I am not one to clean my gas grill every year, so I knew it was in desperate need of attention. I was also pretty sure that it wouldn’t be a high priority for my husband anytime soon. So I went inside and googled “How to clean a gas grill” (yes, I realize that shows just how infrequently I have cleaned my grill!) I found some good information and, armed with instructions encased in a sheet protector, went outside to get started. I put the grates in a big tub of soapy water and then started scrubbing the main grill. And rubbing. And scrubbing. Maybe a vacuum would work better. I pulled out my little handheld vacuum to suck up the debris on the bottom. Some of it came up and some of it was so glued to the bottom from greasy residue it didn’t want to budge. I stood and stared at the dumb thing. What to try? I got a magic eraser. Aahh…now that was working…a little. But, oh, the effort that took just to show a tiny glimmer of the old silver shine. I worked at that for about a half hour and then decided that it was foolish to clean it perfectly, as it would end up back the way it was after a few weeks of grilling, anyway. I instead turned my attention to the grates soaking in the tub. I had less success with these than I had had with the grill! I could hardly rub even a small area to a silver gleam.

As I scrubbed, I couldn’t help but think of the parallel to the Christian life. I could try to make myself as clean as possible, so as to stand pure and righteous before God, but I could never “scrub” my life enough to make myself completely white. There would always be sticky, greasy, stains and large blotches of black, no matter how much effort I put forth. It gave me good insight into why Jesus had to die for my sins in order for me to be saved. His sacrifice enables me to stand white and pure before God, because He took my punishment. I had never thought of it like that before. Praise filled my heart.

And then my thoughts turned towards living life. So, if Jesus makes me white, why bother cleaning up my life at all? Kind of like the grill, my best efforts to clean up my life don’t really amount to much. I might get a corner cleaned up over here or a small piece of the grate shining brightly over there…but I will never be able to come even close to perfection. Again the question–why bother?

Of course, we are to live godly lives because we love the Lord (I John 2) but could there be another reason? As I contemplated this, I realized that cleaning my grill makes it work better. It is more efficient and burns cleaner. It grills the food better and it looks nicer. Sure, I can’t get it perfect, but my efforts are still not without their rewards. Our lives are like that, too. Sure, we won’t ever make ourselves perfect. But following God’s commandments will lead to rewards in our lives here on earth. And just like my dirty grill said something about me (laziness or too busy, perhaps?); so our lives, if we claim to be a Christian, say something about God. What does our life say about the Holy God we claim to serve? Isn’t He and His reputation worth giving ourselves a good “scrubbing” for?

And, unlike my solo task of scrubbing that grill, we have help with cleaning up our lives. God sent the Holy Spirit as our Helper (John 14:15-17). Isn’t that an encouraging thought? We do not have to work at this alone.

As I finished cleaning the grill, I can’t say I was filled with a great sense of accomplishment. But, surprisingly, when I pulled everything back together, it did look a lot cleaner than it was before. My efforts did show. Life is often the same way–while we are in the midst of change we can get discouraged and lost. But if we keep working at it, we will come out on the other side saying- Yes, I can see a difference. It’s not perfect, but it’s a lot better!

Isn’t it amazing what you can learn while cleaning your grill?

Using Words Wisely

Leave a Comment / April 12, 2012 April 12, 2012

Before I start today, I just want you to know that I have my husband’s permission to tell this story. He learned a good lesson through this incident several years ago. I feel so blessed to be married to someone who admits his mistakes and chooses to grow from them. Now on to the story–

“What does he want now? He always has a problem, doesn’t he? He is such a pain!” These words, or at least words like these, spilled out of my husband’s mouth as he spewed much of the frustration he had felt towards a troublesome customer for some years. His employee was at the complaining customer’s property and had called with a question. Unfortunately for my husband, the employee on the other end of the call was using his Nextel and had put it on speaker phone. He had called with the customer right beside him and said customer had just heard my husband’s entire deluge of words directed at him.

What to do? Our employee handled it as best he could. He left my husband know immediately and in a nonchalant way that the man was right beside him and listening. The conversation became stilted and was finished quickly. My husband’s heart sank. What kind of mess had he gotten himself into now? He tries to treat all customers courteously and kindly, but every now and again, one stretches him to his limits.

After the mortifying realization of what had occurred, he made the decision to go and apologize to this man. And, quite honestly, he was very well received. After the apology and some open discussion, our relationship with this customer improved considerably and he is still our customer to this day.

As we laugh about it now, we also realize that there are some important lessons to be learned from the unfortunate incident.

1. There will be people who frustrate us in life. It is important that we apply scriptural principles in our dealings with them. In Luke 6:31, Jesus says: And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. If we apply this principle with the irritating people in our lives, it should change our responses.

2. It is important to choose our words carefully, even when we are frustrated or irritated. Too often we spout off words we don’t even mean in the heat of the moment. Whether they are about someone or directly to that person, we need to use self-control when we express our frustration.

3. Don’t be too proud to apologize. The last thing my husband wanted to do was to go to this customer and apologize. First, he doesn’t know him that well personally and second, it was just downright embarrassing. So many times we are afraid to face the person we have offended or hurt, so we just pretend it will go away. But it doesn’t! That pain and hurt, even if forgiven, often lingers on in the heart of the person we hurt. It is important that we offer our sincere apology immediately. In the case of this customer, it was the best thing my husband could have done. And, from my own experience (with my many mistakes in life!), it does get easier the more you do it. If you are out of practice of apologizing, the first time will be agonizing. You will stumble over your words and hesitate and feel foolish. But try it! I think you will find it so beneficial to your relationships, and at the very least, you will know that you have done the right thing.

4. It is important to choose our words carefully always, but especially when we are in a public setting–on the phone, in the bleachers or on the sidelines, in a church hallway, or at a family gathering. Ephesians 4:29 says: Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Does my speech impart grace to the hearers? What a great test for our language.

Life is full of unpleasant, uncomfortable, and awkward circumstances. It is important that we don’t miss the life lessons hidden in those moments. The story above was just one such moment and even now, years later, we still think on the lessons we learned from that unpleasant incident.