Gratitude – Page 5 – Growing 4 Life

Be a Blessing not a Burden

Leave a Comment / January 30, 2012 April 19, 2016

From the time my kids were small I sent them off with these words: “Be a Blessing; not a Burden.” I am not sure where I came up with it. I think I just made it up. But whether they were headed to Grandma’s, a friend’s house, or a soccer game, those were often my last words to them. Did they always listen to me? I highly doubt it. But, hopefully, it got them thinking about others.

I still say it every once in awhile. And it is actually good to say to myself, as well. Because if we are concentrating on being a blessing to others and making an effort at not being a burden to them, it changes how we interact with others completely.

For instance, if I want to be a blessing, I will be looking for ways to encourage those around me. When conversing with them, I will want to find out how they are, I will ask questions, and I will genuinely care. If I want to be a burden, I will only talk about myself – my opinions, my problems, my issues– and not let the other person get a word in edgewise.

If I want to be a blessing, when I see the other person rushing to be first in line, I will slow my gait instead of speeding up to beat them to the line. Or if someone is holding one item to check out and I have a cart full of groceries, it means allowing them to go ahead of me.

Sometimes being a blessing means just not saying something that might be true. Many of us do this frequently. Whether it be directly to someone or it be about them, we say lots of words that just don’t need to be said. Who cares how her hair looks? Or what shirt she is wearing? Why not pray for their obvious budget or job problems instead of talk about them in a negative way? And sometimes it is not so much that we talk about it (how can we work together to help them financially at this time?) but how we talk about it (isn’t that the third time she’s worn that blouse this week? Can’t they afford anything else?)

Being a burden happens when I think only of myself. If I just scurry around in my day thinking only about me, then I won’t stop to ask someone how their weekend was, care about what they think about my “great” idea, or if they have any thoughts on the new plan I am putting in place. I won’t care if my kids believe they are the center of the universe and act like it on the soccer field. I will stand for my personal rights at all times and never back down. I will buy what I want, wear what I want, go where I want, eat what I want. “No one can tell me what to do,” will be my mantra.

In contrast, being a blessing is thinking about others. It includes things like: Asking those who will be affected how they feel about my new plan before just putting it into place; offering a drink to someone working hard in or outside my home; making my home a haven for anyone who visits; realizing my kids have faults, admitting it, and dealing with it; talking it over with my spouse before buying a large item; saying please and thank you – instead of acting like I am entitled; giving in on the things that truly do not matter in the scope of life. The list could go on and on.

As I write this, my husband is blessing me by taking my girls to the school bus. This is the time of year he gets to sleep in- he works really hard and is up by 5 am most of the year- but he blesses me oftentimes in the winter by getting up early enough to take them, so I don’t have to go out into the cold, icy air. It is a great start to my day and I am always so very thankful for his kindness.

And I wonder how I can be a blessing to someone today? How about you? Who can you bless today?

Philippians 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

The law of imperfection

2 Comments / December 19, 2011 December 14, 2014

The other night we had the blessing of going to our daughter’s Christmas Concert at school. She was only in two numbers during the whole two hours, so we had kind of psyched ourselves up to get through the evening. When we arrived, we found some good friends to sit by and proceeded to move to our chairs. Except when we went to sit down, we found ourselves bumping elbows and hips. The seats were so closely put together that it was almost impossible to sit comfortably.

I started to complain almost immediately. “Who set up these chairs? What were they thinking?” I tried in vain to wiggle my chair to the left and then to the right. It was so uncomfortable. I turned my head to the end of the row. Could we possibly inch the chairs to the left or right? Nope. No chance. They would obviously be out of line with the rest of the rows and there was not an inch of space between any of them. I sat back and resigned myself to sitting diagonally on my seat to get through what was going to be a very long evening. My husband (whom I nicknamed “MacGyver” a long time ago) came up with a great solution. We folded up an unused chair. Aahhh. Space to sit comfortably. We adjusted our chairs and actually enjoyed the rest of the evening, which was filled with the songs of Christmas.

But as I pondered on my reaction, I realized something. I complained when the chairs weren’t set up correctly, but I wouldn’t have even thought about the chairs if they would have been set up in a comfortable way. I would never have entered the row and exclaimed how lovely it was that the chairs were positioned so comfortably. We could just have easily solved that problem (i.e. fold up an extra chair) without my unnecessary complaining. Are complaining and negative words necessary for solving an uncomfortable or difficult dilemma?

So why this human tendency to focus on imperfection? Why do we so often notice the bad stuff but tend to ignore the good stuff? Why do we feel the need to complain and criticize when something doesn’t suit us? Why don’t we notice how wonderful something is? Why don’t we appreciate when something goes as planned?

We find this law at play in our company. We have several hundred customers we service regularly. I bet you can guess who we hear from most often. Yep- you guessed it! The ones who are dissatisfied. We are always so very thankful for those customers who take the time to write a note thanking us or to pick up the phone and call just to tell us how pleased they are with the work we did for them. What a blessing to us and to the employees who did the work.

Let’s take this thought and apply it to our homes, shall we? When was the last time we thanked our husband or wife for doing something good- or even something very routine- that we expected them to do? On the other hand, when is the last time we scolded, criticized, or even yelled at that same person for doing something we didn’t like? Play the same scenario out in your head with your children, your friends, your parents, your pastor, and your co-workers. You see, it is applicable in almost every area we find ourselves in.

Sure, sometimes the negative has to be addressed. I am not talking about the unhealthy choice of ignoring serious problems. What I am referring to are the things we say that just do not need to be said. It’s the unnecessary comment I made about the chairs. It’s the negative comments we make about our favorite sports team, our children’s schools, the restaurant, or the store where we shop. It includes the unkind comments we make to our close friend about someone’s hair…or clothes…or choice of dog…or how they use their money. Unless it is a biblical issue and against a commandment we find there, does it really matter?

The Christmas season is upon us. What a great time to encourage others and set a good example with our language. Let’s edify one another with our words and comments as we gather together for Christmas celebrations.

Proverbs 10: 19 In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

Scheduled for Surgery

2 Comments / December 15, 2011 December 15, 2011

The young doctor picked up the scalpel to make his first cut. His hand shook over the patient’s abdomen. Within the middle-aged woman’s body there was a tumor the size of an orange raging a war against her. It was destroying her life. The doctor just stood there, shaking. Sweat from his brow ran down his face. He looked at the nurse by his side and finally spoke his thoughts, “I just can’t do it. I will hurt her. She might have scars. She might be mad at me. Let’s just send her back to her room.”

A joke, right? What surgeon in his right mind would send a patient from the operating room because he was worried about hurting or scarring him or her? What honorable physician would be worried that his patient might be angry with him? And, yet, when God tries to “operate” on us, we raise our fists and shout, “why, God? How could you do this to me? I don’t deserve this!”

Somehow I think we keep forgetting that God is our Creator. He knows everything. I often don’t understand why He has allowed something….whether it be in my life or someone else’s. Many times life appears to be very unfair. But God sees our hearts. He sees where we are diseased and broken. Just as the surgeon wields his instrument, cutting and stitching in ways we could never understand, to improve our physical health, so our Heavenly Father cuts away and stitches to improve our spiritual health.

That trial that we are finding hard to bear may be what it will take to topple an idol held firmly in the wrong place within our heart. Or perhaps it may work on our deadly habits of selfishness or greed. Possibly the trial will even change the direction we are headed in life. Any pain or scars that results from the surgery will be well worth it, because God knows best. How He must shake His head with sadness when we cry out in arrogant anger, thinking with our finite minds that we know best.

James 2:2-4 says: My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴ But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

We are to count it joy when we face a trial because it changes us…it perfects us. This is so much easier to write than it is to do. I realize this. But if we are going to obey God’s Word, then we have no choice but to submit to His will and joyfully trust that He knows best.

So if we know we are scheduled for spiritual surgery–and we all are, we just don’t know when–how can we prepare? It is a known fact that physical surgery goes so much better if we are healthy and in good physical shape. Recovery time is considerably shorter, as well. Might I suggest that spiritual surgery may be similar? We will be much better prepared for spiritual surgery if we are in God’s Word daily, living a life of prayer and thankfulness. We will especially be better prepared if we are practicing joy in the little cuts and bruises of life.

If we are believers, we are scheduled for spiritual surgery. We don’t know when. We don’t know how invasive. But we are scheduled.

The blessing of a gift

Leave a Comment / December 8, 2011 December 8, 2011

Around this time of year, the choruses of “I don’t need anything” start to ring out across the nation. Gift-giving becomes a burden. Gift cards sell like hotcakes because we just don’t know what else to get that person who has everything. When so many people are in need across the world, why do we buy anything for each other, anyway? And, in a lot of ways, I agree with that statement. But I think we need to take a brief look at a different point of view.

For several years in a row, someone at church gave us a hand-crocheted heart with a card thanking us for our service in the church. I want to tell you about what that gift meant. You see, serving in any capacity, whether as a parent, a teacher, a church worker, or an employer is a pretty thankless job. The fact that someone took the time to write a note and crochet a heart meant a lot. It meant that what we did mattered.

And what about gift-giving as a way to express our appreciation and love for someone? We seem to have lost sight of that, as well. Some of us have stopped giving gifts, period. And some of us become so overwhelmed with our Christmas to-do list that we just start buying whatever is convenient or perhaps we just end up stuffing some money or a gift card inside an envelope. We do this instead of really thinking about the person and what kind of gift they would enjoy most.

I know a couple of people who literally suck all of the joy out of gift-giving. Do you know anyone like that? If they are around, they take all of the joy out of giving. They tend to make you feel guilty for buying gifts, for giving gifts, for receiving gifts.

But they are missing the point. Gifts aren’t necessarily about what we need. Gifts are to show love, appreciation, and care. I think we have this gift-giving thing all mixed up. We rush around and feel burdened to “buy” a gift, instead of enjoying it. Gift giving should be a blessing.

Think with me for a moment about your closest family and friends. Have you expressed your love for them recently? Think about those who serve you in some capacity…perhaps it is a mailman or a babysitter…a teacher or a crossing guard. Do they know you appreciate them and what they do for you? Think with me about your neighbors. Do these people know you care? (Do you care??) Gifts do not have to be elaborate or expensive to make a statement. They just need to be heartfelt and sincere.

And so it would be correct to say that many of us do not need anything. But is that really the only thing that matters when it comes to giving gifts? Perhaps it is time to start putting our hearts and some of our time into thoughtful gift-giving. Let’s choose to bless someone this holiday season!

Lesson from Les Mis

Leave a Comment / October 13, 2011 October 13, 2011

The Bishop was quite poor by worldly standards. One of his few worldly possessions of worth was a handful of silverware. When a dejected man knocked on his door, quite bereft of worldly goods and looking quite frightful, the Bishop welcomed him warmly and provided both a meal and a bed. When, during the night, the man stole his silver and departed, the Bishop took no care. When his sister and the maid cried out in dismay and indignation, he stated that it wasn’t his to begin with. It was God’s and he should have given it away a long time ago.

Stop there for a moment and think about one of your prized possessions in light of this story. I don’t know about you, but I would have been right there with the women, crying out about the unfairness of giving someone a hot meal and warm bed and then have them turn around and steal from you.

But the story gets better…and even more convicting. A few hours later, the Bishop hears a knock at the door. It is the local police with the man. They have caught him with the silver and have brought him back for arrest. Upon seeing him, the Bishop serenely welcomes them and then turns his gaze upon the thief. But he does not treat him like a thief. He proceeds to ask the wretch why he did not take the candlesticks he had offered to give him, as well. The Bishop then takes the candlesticks and hands them to the man, all the while treating him like a friend.

At this point in the story, I am starting to squirm. I am becoming aware of my unhealthy attachment to my worldly possessions. If my silver (or iPad?) had been stolen, I know that this is not how I would have reacted. I would have pressed charges immediately. I would have demanded that my things be returned to me.

Because after all, they are my things. But perhaps that is where my thinking takes a wrong turn. Are my possessions really mine? If I have given my life to Christ, wholly and fully, do I own anything? And I realize that while my mouth says, “yes, yes, it all belong to God”, my actions speak quite differently and I am ashamed.

And I wonder how it would change the world if we Christians loosened our tight grip on our stuff? Would it matter if our cars got scratched? Would it matter if we lost our cell phones? Would we be more thankful? Would we complain less? Would we be less materialistic? Would we give more? I don’t know. I am just wondering.

I do know that the Bishop– a fictional character in a story written long, long ago– has challenged my heart and my priorities. My simple re-telling of just a minute part of that classic does not do it justice, but I hope that perhaps you were challenged, as well.

Things I wish I would’ve known when I was 20

2 Comments / August 1, 2011 October 28, 2014

I was thinking the other day of some of the things that, had I known them when I was 20, would have made life much more enjoyable. Here are some of the things I would tell my naive 20 year old self, if it was possible-

1. Let it roll. If someone says something that offends you or doesn’t buy you a gift (even though you bought them one) or steals your boyfriend or simply says something that just irritates you just let it roll. Because life is just too short for grudges.

2. The greatest personal satisfaction comes from giving–not getting.

3. You are not overweight! Just because you don’t look like a magazine cover or a movie star doesn’t mean you are overweight. Appreciate the body you have now, because it won’t last.

4. Stepping out of your comfort zone will often yield incredible rewards.

5. Appreciate your parents. They have given more of themselves than you could ever realize. Don’t take that for granted. Don’t be so wrapped up in your own affairs that you forget they have feelings, too.

6. Expect good times less often. Appreciate them much more.

7. Don’t assume you know why someone is acting or reacting in a certain way. It is hard enough to understand your own motives, much less someone else’s.

8. Face your fears head-on!

9. You don’t need a loan to buy a car or a piece of furniture. Live on what you make.

10. Just because someone tells you your nose is too big or your feet are too small, doesn’t mean its true. Find your worth in Jesus Christ, not in the opinions of others.

11. Money doesn’t make you happy.

12. Don’t dwell on your fears and worrisome details of life. Figure it out as best you can, do what you can to resolve the problem, pray hard, and then think about something else.

13. You will blink and life will be half over. Savor every single moment of it.

This list certainly isn’t exhaustive. Feel free to comment below and add some of the things you wish you would have known!

On traveling to a third world country

Leave a Comment / June 20, 2011 April 26, 2017

I spent last week in Haiti with my family. When we arrived at Port Au Prince, it was with great fear and trepidation, as none of us had ever been to a third world country. As we traveled from the airport to the compound where we were to stay, our eyes beheld unbelievably sad conditions. From the makeshift tent communities set up everywhere to the little boxes they called “bathrooms” to the men standing on the streets because of a 75% unemployment rate. It was hard to take it all in. As our eyes scanned the countryside, we saw half built buildings, the place where they buried 200,000 victims of the earthquake in a mass grave, and cattle, donkeys, and goats anywhere and everywhere, all with their ribs clearly showing. As we observed, we talked about the hopelessness we saw in the country. Can this country ever be “fixed”?

But during the course of the week, we realized that our job (and the job of the missionaries serving there) is not to fix the country. It is to share the gospel and minister to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

It reminds me so much of that story where the the father and daughter were walking along the seashore among thousands of stranded sea stars. The father started throwing them back in the ocean one by one. The little girl looked at her father and sadly said, “you aren’t even making a difference”. And the father, with great wisdom, replied: “it makes a difference to that one”. I thought of that story often this week. It makes a difference to that one. We were there to minister to whomever God put in front of us. In is His sovereignty, He knew whose heart was ready to hear the gospel. He knew who needed encouragement to keep going. Because He knows everything.

And the interesting thing was…while we were there to minister to the Haitians, they in turn ministered to us. The joy in the lives of the Christians there is a wonderful thing seldom seen here in America. The warm hugs given without reservation to a stranger would be unusual here.

Sure, they have lots of problems, even in their Christian communities. And only being there a week gave us little insight into the working of the communities. But it was with great humility that I observed the grateful eyes and heard the soft spoken “mercis” with which they took a bag filled with rice and beans that would feed their family for at least a month. And I felt great shame over the things I find myself complaining about. We are living so far above survival here in the states that we have lost track of what truly matters.

You see, life is really not about us. Most of us Christians will walk around saying that with our mouths…but do our lives match our words? I know that I, personally, love my comfort zone. But what if that comfort zone is not where God wants me? Are we willing to go where He asks? Whether it be to a different country, the inner city here in America, or to bring foster children into your home? What are YOU doing to further God’s Kingdom?

Luke 12:48b says “For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.” No matter your economic status here in the United States…even if you are on welfare…you have more than 80% of the rest of the world. You have been given MUCH. What are you doing with what you have been given? It is a question that should truly be considered by all of us.

Freedom isn’t free

Leave a Comment / May 30, 2011 May 25, 2015

Most people view Memorial Day as the beginning of summer. But think with me for just a minute about the actual holiday and what it stands for.

You see, many men died so that you can be eating that hamburger. Many men died so that you can be sitting comfortably by your pool.

Many are those who would criticize, humiliate, and otherwise degrade our leaders and our troops. It pains me to hear it. For I realize that if America had not stepped in on many occasions, the world would look very differently. Your life…my life…would look very differently.

I think that we may have become so far removed from World War II, the last war that was felt by every citizen in the United States, that we forget how much freedom truly costs. We also forget the great reward for the fight. We do not remember the emotions that surged upon VE-Day or VJ-Day. You see, if there is going to be freedom, there is going to be a battle. For there are always evil men trying to rule the world. Whether it is their own personal world or the entire world. And when someone tries to stop them, the cost will be great. And many men will pay with their lives. I thank the men (and women) who have stood up for freedom and offered their lives, so that many could be free.

On this day, let’s remember those that fought the fight for freedom across this great land. And their families, as well. Let’s not forget that someone paid a high price for us to live free here in America. And for many others across the world to enjoy that freedom, as well. And, lest you shout, we are not free here in America…do a little checking. Read about the daily life in most of the countries in the world. Yes, America has changed and it does grow worse…but it is still where I would choose to live, given the choice!

And one more final thing to think on. Christ died so that you could be free. Free from the penalty of sin. He paid the price. He fought your war and paid the ultimate price of His life. He has given the gift of salvation…if you choose to accept it. I hope that your own personal country is free and secure and at peace. (John 3:16)

Taking a minute to focus

Leave a Comment / December 16, 2010 December 16, 2010

As humans, we tend to put our focus on the negative things. The things that are going wrong. The things we can complain about. And, yes, lots of things have gotten worse in the years since I was a kid. But let’s think a moment about some of the things that have improved.

How about TV? Before you think I am one brick short of a full load, let me explain. When I was growing up, we had about…let me think…4 channels to watch on TV. Maybe 5. There were no DVDs (or even videos) and no DVRs. If we watched TV, we watched a show that was on one of the main networks: ABC, NBC, CBS, and PBS. That was IT. Now most of us have more options than we know what to do with. Yes, there are lots of options that aren’t good…but there are also lots of options that are educational and inoffensive. I know that some of you believe that TV is a big waste of time, and I would tend to agree with you. But, if people are going to watch TV (and they are!), at least there are some good choices out there.

Let’s take a minute to look at movies. Yes, movies, as a general rule, continue to push more and more limits and grow more and more offensive. But try watching a PG movie from the 80s. I sat down to watch a popular movie from the 80s with my kids. I was appalled. I didn’t remember that language! At least now we have the PG-13 rating. The PG films of 2010 are much cleaner to watch than the PG films of the 80s. And what about the Christian film companies? We have some really talented Christians putting out some great films. We also have some great channels (Hallmark and Gospel Music Channel to name two) putting out great, family-oriented films with nary an offensive word or deed in them. Wise creators, directors, and producers who know that beautiful, real stories can be told without all of the offensive language, inappropriate conduct, and abhorrent violence that is Hollywood’s trademark.

Let’s turn our thoughts toward the home. We know the divorce rate has increased. More kids are growing up without dads. But let’s think a moment about how the culture has changed for the better. I can think of two right off of the top of my head. First, dads are expected to be more involved in the lives of their kids. Some of this is the result of so many moms working outside the home. But I love that dads are now in the hospital room with their wives when babies are born. I love that dads are helping kids with homework. And dads are picking up kids from soccer. Kids need to know that their dads love them. And I believe this culture encourages dads to be involved more in their kids lives and to express that love in ways beyond simply providing for their family’s material needs.

Second, there was a time when a woman was ridiculed for not going to work outside the home. A time when it was believed that she was wasting her talents if she was going to choose to stay at home and take care of her family. But the culture has shifted dramatically since those days. Doctors, lawyers, and even actresses, are taking breaks from work to spend time raising their precious children. It is viewed as a wonderful, worthwhile option now. What a change since the days where it was believed that if you stayed at home, you were lazy and unmotivated (nothing could be further from the truth, of course!)

Let’s turn our thoughts towards education now. How about the homeschooling movement? We have the option to keep our children home to educate them. Not only do we have the option, but if we do decide to homeschool, we have all sorts of wonderful services, dvds, curricula, and classes to assist us. Homeschool co-ops can be found in almost every part of the country. Homeschool kids have opportunities to participate in public school sports and concerts. What a difference from the pioneering homeschoolers of yesteryear. They were viewed as abnormal (at best) and basically did all of their teaching from scratch, maybe with the help of a cast-off textbook or two.

We have also seen some positive changes in options for our graduating seniors. Yes, the colleges and universities are teaching many things that go against God’s Word. Yes, many of the kids attend university to party and have a good time. But, again, let’s think about some of the alternatives for kids these days. When I was a kid, you went to college or you worked. Those were our options. Now, you can attend a community college, you can go to school on-line…you can even go on an “around the world” missions trip. We have lots more freedom to choose what we will do after high school and lots less judgment about those choices.

And, finally, I would be remiss, if I did not mention the positive way the internet has affected us. Yes, it has brought a horrific rise to the pornography industry. Yes, it has made bullying take on a new light. But it has also called businesses to a higher standard (who doesn’t check out reviews of hotels, appliances, and books on-line?) and it helps watch-dog companies that would rip people off. It has put us in touch with our far-flung family members in a way that was unimaginable even a decade ago. It has allowed us to have contact with missionaries in remote areas. And, the glory of it all, is that it doesn’t cost that much (have you heard of Skype??) Gone are the days of letter-writing and expensive, long-distance phone calls.

Of course, I could write at length about cell phones (helping us to keep our kids safe), ipods (making podcasts available to us that help us in our spiritual growth), and DVRs (eradicating the need to watch the inane and endless commercials) but I won’t, because this is long enough.

I guess I just wanted to make the point, that while many aspects of this world are getting worse, there are some things that have improved. Let’s not spend all of our time focused on the bad things. Let’s live a life thankful for the good things and yet always doing our part in eliminating the bad.

Matthew 5:16

Titus 2

Count Your Blessings…365 days a year

Leave a Comment / November 25, 2010 November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving is an awesome holiday, isn’t it? A time to focus on all the blessings we have been given. We take the time to thank God for the many blessings of family, friends, church family, and all of the many material blessings…food, shelter, clothing, and all of the extras we never even asked for that we have been so graciously given. And then how about all of the immaterial things? The peace, the joy, the love we so often take for granted? If each of us takes the time to ponder for a few minutes, we realize just how many blessings we have received, even amidst difficult times and incredibly hard trials. Reminds me of an old hymn–

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
- Refrain:
  Count your blessings, name them one by one,
  Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
  Count your blessings, name them one by one,
  *Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.
  [*And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.]
Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.
When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings—wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.
So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

May we do this every day of the year…not just on Thanksgiving day! :) Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!