Family – Page 26 – Growing 4 Life

The faith of a child

Leave a Comment / November 10, 2011 November 10, 2011

When I was around 9 years old, we had a miniature dachshund named Romeo that I loved dearly. I don’t really think he loved me that terribly much. But he was very patient with me, as I played with him, dressed him up, and basically tortured him. If any dog, no matter what size, dared to cross our property line, he would run towards it, ferociously barking, and then back away and let our Labrador do the real work of keeping us safe.

For some reason I don’t remember, my parents decided it wasn’t going to work to keep him and they needed to find him a good home somewhere else.

I was heartbroken. He left and we all moved on. But I prayed that he would return. I was 9. I didn’t know that God “doesn’t care” about such things. And so I prayed.

And then came that day, a few months later, when the phone rang. It was the family who had taken him. He was a great dog but some circumstance in their life prevented them from keeping him. They wondered–do we want him back? They wanted to check with us before they found him a different home.

As my mom and dad discussed this at the dinner table, they pondered what they should do. About that time, I piped up in my childish voice, “I have been praying that he would come back!”

At that point what choice did they have?–as my mom laughingly points out when she retells the story. And so, Romeo came back to live with us.

But I think we all learned a lesson that day, even my parents. I had been innocently “casting all my care upon Him” (I Peter 5:7) and He was building the faith of a little child and her family by the unlikely and amazing return of a dog to its previous owners. And when I think back upon that, even all of these years later, I view that event as a building block in the ever-increasing faith and trust in my loving Heavenly Father that has continued to develop over the years.

Do not ever think that God doesn’t care about the little stuff. Oh, we don’t always get what we want and, often, those seemingly unimportant prayers will go unanswered. But every now and then God will give us an answer so clear and so specific that we realize that it could have only been by His intervention and, once again, we are reminded that He knows all and He truly does care.

And so we thank Him for those obvious answers to prayer and realize that He is working, as only He knows how, even when we do not get the answer we want. And we continue to trust and to cast our cares upon Him. How thankful I am that He has shown me how much he cares, not only in my own life, but in the lives of others; not only about the important issues of life, but sometimes about the insignificant “stuff”. If we have put our faith and trust in the God of the Bible and the message within its pages, then we serve a Living God! Praise be to Him.

The little girl on the beach

Leave a Comment / October 31, 2011 May 24, 2015

The little girl on the beach was investing all of her childish energy into making obscure shapes in the sand and digging holes to find the tiny sand crabs and the water beneath the surface. It was the perfect pastime on this hot summer day. After awhile, she realized that she hadn’t seen a familiar face for awhile. She looked up towards the mosaic of colorful towels, beach umbrellas, and bathing-suit clad crowds all along the beach. Her little heart started to pound.

Where was mommy? Her heart pounded harder.

Where was daddy? She started to scan from left to right, growing alarmed.

As she stared at the horizon full of strangers, full-blown panic set in and she started to race down the beach as fast as her short legs could carry her. She had no idea where she was going. She just knew she was lost and she had to find someone to help her. Her safe, comfortable world had suddenly grown dark and frightening.

Meanwhile, her parents looked up to notice that their little girl wasn’t where she had been just a split second before. They started to panic as they searched in vain for her blonde head. The beach was especially full that day and the nightmare of a lost child—their lost child—started to become real.

Getting ready to head over to the lifeguard, the father gave one final searching glance that just happened to be in the right direction. He saw a little girl in a navy bathing suit running down the beach as fast as her chubby legs could carry her. It was his little girl. And she was running in the opposite direction.

Before he could even give it a thought he was tearing down the beach after her. His young, strong body was fast—but this tiny 6-year old was making it hard to catch her. The adrenalin flowing through her little body made her much quicker than normal.

As her daddy finally overtook her, she stopped. She looked into his face and she knew that she was safe. That familiar face changed everything. She grabbed her daddy’s neck and hung on for dear life. So very thankful and relieved he had found her, her daddy carried her back to safety.

That little girl was me. I don’t really remember all of the details, so some of them are from my imagination. However, I do still remember the fear and panic that was in my heart as I looked up and couldn’t see my family. I remember running. I vaguely remember the safety of being in my daddy’s arms. My parents tell me the story of how frightened they were when they couldn’t see me. I do know that after that incident I was deathly afraid of getting lost for at least 20 years. I was in my mid-20s before I realized that I was smart enough to find my way home if I got lost.

As this memory came to my mind a few days ago, it started me thinking about how sometimes we get scared in life and we just start running, searching for safety. We find ourselves in the midst of an unforeseen and uncomfortable trial and when we realize that we are in trouble, we start running like our lives depend on it.

Only we run away from God.

We run towards what looks like the exit door, only to find out it is not an escape from our trial at all but a fake exit door or maybe even a trap. Fake exit doors and traps take all kinds of shapes. They can look like a chocolate cupcake. Or a player-laden green field with lines on it. Maybe it is in the shape of a red Mustang GT or a nice boat. They can look like a thick best-seller or virtual military men on your TV screen. It may be in the shape of a wine glass or a small, white ball. It could be a court room or a corporate conference room. Whatever it looks like in your life, one thing is certain: There will be no escape there. Nor eternal peace or fulfillment will result from going the wrong direction.

But if you are one of God’s children, saved by His grace alone, God will catch up to you. He loves you and nowhere you can run can take you so far away that He can’t find you and catch you and bring you back to His fold. Just like my daddy did what he could do to protect me, so our Heavenly Father protects us. Even though, in ignorance, I ran a different direction than where my daddy was standing, he found me. Our heavenly Father will find us, too–if we are His.

This reminds me of Romans 8:38-39:

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If we are His, then nothing can separate us from His love and care for us. We may get lost for a little while but He will find us. Great is His faithfulness!

May we find our safety and peace in God alone and not waste precious time running the wrong direction.

Ignorance Can Be Costly

Leave a Comment / October 10, 2011 August 5, 2015

Our family observed the goings-on in the Port-Au-Prince airport around us with wide-eyed wonder. We stepped into the main building to hear a cacophony of voices in an unfamiliar language. We joined the mob waiting to go through customs.

As we looked around us, we saw black and white mingled together in one great mass of humanity. The place was hot and dirty and disorganized–nothing like any airport we had ever seen. We saw groups of matching t-shirts, signifying missionary or human aid groups coming to help the needy of that land. We saw Haitians coming home for a visit or perhaps returning from a trip to see a relative in America.

After what seemed like a very long time, we approached the customs officer. He took one look at our forms and handed them back to us. As we tried to understand the issue he was having with our paperwork, we were finally able to figure out that the problem was our daughter’s form, which she had completed in pink ink. He deemed the pink ink unacceptable, handed us a new form and a black pen, and shooed us off into a corner to re-do it.

Eventually, all six of us made it through customs and stepped into the area where we would find our luggage. Here, we found ourselves surrounded by pure chaos. Dark-skinned men moved with purpose, shouting to each other in Creole. The stench of body odor filled the air. We saw some travelers knowingly push through the pandemonium. But other faces mirrored our own–lost and bewildered.

A man came and grabbed my husband by the arm. He steered him through the crowd to an area where he had all of our pieces of luggage gathered together. He clearly expected to be paid for this service. While it was a relief to find our luggage had all arrived safely, we would have preferred to find it ourselves in the good ole’ American way. But here we were.

My husband looked at me with a question mark in his eyes. I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t know how to handle this, either. The man who had gathered our bags took the $20 bill Eric held in his hand and then promptly turned it over to another man standing close by. He explained that this was his helper and he would split that among his other helpers. He then asked for money for himself. At that point, we just wanted to get out of there, so Eric gave him a $10 bill he quickly found. The man grabbed it and then took us outside to be handed over to more luggage handlers (or shall we call them money-grabbers?)

Do you know that by the time we reached the doors, the word had spread that quickly that rich, dumb Americans were on their way, that we were absolutely mobbed?! Like bees on a hive, we were swarmed by men of dark color, all grabbing at pieces of our luggage. There are some things you will never forget in life and this would be one of them. We had a vague notion of where we were supposed to meet our contact and so we clung tightly to our luggage as we walked uncertainly in the most likely direction. If it wouldn’t have been so frightening, it would have been quite comical.

By the time we were walking through a shade-tarped tunnel on the sidewalk, the money-grabbers had succeeded in taking the handles of some of our luggage. They would hold on to it for a short bit and then pass the luggage on to another man who would grab it. We were in shock–and, if I am honest, quite fearful, too. Finally, about half-way through this tunnel to the parking lot, a man told us that he knew “Jim”, the man we were supposed to meet. What a relief! Here was someone who could take us to the man we were looking for! We gladly surrendered our bags to him and he, quite characteristically, demanded money for the privilege of doing so. By that time, my husband had had enough. He handed him $10. The man argued that he had many men helping him and would have to split this teeny amount among them. After handing him $3 more, Eric looked at him and said “Enough!” with a firm determination. I think the man knew he wasn’t getting more and turned around and started pushing our luggage to the end of the tunnel where we met Jim.

We left that airport $43 poorer. We found out later that the Haitians make a fraction of that amount after working a whole month! No wonder everyone wanted the privilege of handling our luggage!

Our ignorance had left us at a serious disadvantage. We left that airport poorer but quite a bit wiser. I guess that happens to all of us. But it is important we learn from these life lessons. I don’t think we will ever return to the Haitian airport and spend $43 again. But, if we ever go again, we will be prepared for the chaos of the airport and also have small bills in our hand instead of $20s and $10s.

We have to learn from life’s lessons or we are bound to repeat them.

But it is even better if we can learn lessons before it costs us. This can often be done by observing and talking with those around us.

I think this is especially true for young people. Older folks have learned so many costly lessons in life. There is great wisdom in old age. Life’s experiences teach us so much. Instead of scoffing and belittling those of old age, we should, with great respect, learn from them, so as to avoid the mistakes they made. Many parents and grandparents would appreciate the privilege of sharing some of their life lessons, if simply given the opportunity.

Let’s stay humble and teachable, no matter what our age, and in doing so, spare ourselves much pain and anguish. We will never be able to totally avoid trouble, of course, but in learning from others along the way, we can make our lives so much easier.

On this particular occasion, we learned our lesson the hard way. Of course, in the process, we made some Haitians very happy!

Persevering in the Grey

Leave a Comment / September 28, 2011 September 28, 2011

I opened my eyes. The missing sun cast its presence by its absence. Another dreary day. September had been full of them. I sighed. Somehow I would have to get up the energy to be productive for another day. With or without the sun. I hadn’t realized just how much its bright presence cheers me. As I stepped into the early morning, the humid air became a sticky blanket on my skin. So…it was dreary and humid.

As I went about eating my breakfast and tidying the house, I argued with myself as to why this would not be a good day to exercise. I had had the same losing argument with myself for every dreary day the past month. And there were a lot of them. It just wasn’t a good day to exercise. Surely, I don’t need to exercise in such conditions. In the meantime, by body, while not really gaining in pounds, had deteriorated substantially in tone and shape.

From somewhere deep inside, I recognized that I was going to have to push through the grey. Push through the humidity. Persevere. I reluctantly walked upstairs to put on my running clothes. Then I grabbed my iphone, my headphones, and headed out the door.

The first mile was tough. The stickiness melted my clothing to my body. Even when I was only walking. I kept going. I started to jog. I knew, even though this wasn’t fun, that I was doing the right thing. Not just for me. But for my family. I am a much better “me” when I exercise. As I jogged, the flourescent pink trim and laces on my new running shoes made me smile. There was a little brightness everywhere…if you took the time to look for it.

As I ran, I listened to these promising lyrics:

Everyday’s a brand new day
A chance to undo my mistakes
And be the me I know that I can be

Count my blessings one by one
Grateful for what God has done
Spending more time down upon my knees**

As I listened to this song, God showed me that my life choices weren’t so very different from this run of mine. Every day, we are given the opportunity to make choices. Good ones. Bad ones. The good ones are so much easier to make when the sun is shining. When there is a crisp breeze in the air. When the flowers and fields are sparkling in the sunshine. But when it is grey…when all is dreary and dismal around us, then the good choices are harder.

When we lose our best friend…when we get sick…when our spouse is struggling at work…when a child is rebellious…these are the times our minds cajole us, saying things like: “Eat what you want. You deserve it. Watch TV and escape the world. Go shopping. Go golfing. Escape with this book. Play this video game. Because you will feel better if you do this.”

But you never do. You never feel better. You always feel worse. Oh, maybe for a minute or two I will feel some satisfaction from eating some Chocolate Chip Mint ice cream. But as soon as the last bite is done…if I am eating it for the wrong reason…then the guilt comes.

As I finished my exercise with a brisk walk, the sun made a brief appearance and I heard this in my headphones “Now the bridge leads on…to a brighter dawn. It’s waiting for me.” And I realized that the bridge does lead on. That we who love Jesus Christ have the hope of an eternal dawn. Where there are no grey days. We need to persevere…we need to make good, wise choices–no matter what our circumstances– as we move ever closer towards that eternal, brighter dawn that is waiting for us in glory.

**Higher Calling by Blessid Union of Souls

Marjory, the Ant

Leave a Comment / September 26, 2011 September 26, 2011

Marjory proudly carried the huge crumb she had found underneath the Hendersons’ picnic table. It looked to be the best crumb she had found all year. Wouldn’t the ant colony be impressed with this large crumb? As she moved slowly across the patio towards the colony, a grasshopper landed in front of her out of nowhere. She started to think about how nice it would be to be able to jump like that…instead of having short, little legs. As she glanced upwards to follow the grasshopper’s next jump, she saw a beautiful Monarch on a golden flower. She pondered what it would be like to be the orange and black butterfly, extracting delicious nectar from lovely flowers…instead of carrying heavy, human leftovers to the ant colony. Marjory started to get depressed. She started to stumble under the weight of the immense crumb. What had been a blessing started to seem like a burden. As Marjory took her eyes off her purpose—gathering food and feeding her fellow ants—she became more and more discontent in her duty. The crumb began to feel 10 times heavier than it had when she had first picked it up. As Marjory’s thoughts continued on the path of “what ifs” and “if onlys”, her pace slowed.

Suddenly, Marjory felt her world grow dark. A shadow had blocked out the sun and covered her whole world. Something…something really big…was behind her…or beside her…or…Marjory stopped walking…and just waited.

A foot stretched down out of the sky towards Marjory. A large, sneakered foot. Marjory started to scream. So this was how she would die. She closed her eyes and braced herself for the worst. As the foot touched the ground, she felt a rumble in the ground beneath her…but she wasn’t dead. She peeked through her half-closed eyes…the foot had come to within a millimeter or two of where she stood with her crumb.

As Marjory’s breathing started to slow back down to normal, she couldn’t help but be thankful that she was alive. She was alive! Suddenly, her lot in life didn’t seem so bad, after all.

As Marjory became focused once again on her purpose, she once again carried her crumb proudly. Her load felt manageable, and even a blessing, as she realized that she was alive and able to do the job she was designed to do. She continued on her journey across the patio with a new sense of purpose.

Ahhh…silly story, is it not? Ants do not have feelings and they probably have no concept of what the other creatures in their world are doing. But, in my imaginary world, I can imagine a worker ant being a little disgruntled about having to do all of that work, while it appears that other creatures are given much more fun and interesting things to do.

Can you see the similarity? I am not going to write a whole lot more, but I will say this: When we remove our eyes from the purpose God has given us—whether it be to raise a family or to fix a machine or sing in front of millions—and place it on those who we think have it so much better, we lose focus. Let’s keep it all in perspective and remember how good we have it. Wherever we are and whatever we are called to do…right here…right now.

Water in the Basement

Leave a Comment / September 15, 2011 June 24, 2015

Last week brought record flooding to the Eastern United States. Water gushed into the basements of thousands. Carpet and furniture were ruined. TVs, computers, and video game consoles were rendered useless. Photos, toys, clothing, and boxes of Christmas decorations all needed to be sorted through–many of the items tossed into the trash dumpsters that needed to be ordered for the occasion.

Now tell me this–what would happen if someone just decided not to clean up the mess created by the water? What if they just decided to shut the basement door and ignore that it ever happened?

Of course the whole home would become uninhabitable rather quickly. The smell itself would drive out the homeowners. But along with that would come mold and mildew and creatures and sludge. And then, if someone was crazy enough to continue living there, bacteria, infection, and disease would eventually make their presence known.

But, of course, this is a ridiculous line of thought, right? No one in their right mind would let it go this far.

However–

While we might not allow things to rot in our basements, let’s think about our relationships for a minute.

Many of us–maybe even all of us–try to ignore things in our relationships with spouses, children, parents, or friends. We just think if we ignore it it will go away. But would that horrible stench in our basements go away if we just ignore it? Of course not. So why then do we think the problem in our relationship will disappear?

I think this is often the underlying cause of those later-in-life divorces. You know the ones–where they have been married for 25 or 30 years and then, suddenly, out of the blue, the one spouse wants out and the other one never saw it coming. I guarantee you that somewhere in the hazy craziness of all that is going on with that couple, one of them made a decision to ignore something that was really bothering them.

Another example that comes to mind is our teenagers. So many of us just want to ignore the trash on the iPod or the inappropriate texting. Because for the moment, it it the easiest thing to do. But ignoring things like this will lead us to big-time regret.

But it is so much work.

But it is too hard.

But I don’t feel like it.

But I hate conflict.

But it just isn’t worth it to fight.

But I give up.

But I am tired and do not have the energy to deal with this.

But, but, but…

I am afraid we cannot afford the “buts”! What if the basement was flooded and the homeowner pronounced those words?

“I am too tired. It is too hard. It is not worth it. ”

That would be ludicrous, would it not? Why then is it okay for us to do this when we have an issue in a relationship?

Many a marriage has ended in divorce, many a teenager lost to the world, and many friends forever parted–all because someone was not willing to say, “hey, I love you, but this is a problem. Let’s figure this out together, because you are worth it to me.”

Do you have a stench in one of your relationships? Is mold and mildew growing there? Is there a mess that needs to be cleaned up? I know it will be hard work. But it is worth it! Let’s care for and protect our relationships, just like we care for and protect our homes!

Be careful…your character is showing.

1 Comment / September 12, 2011 September 12, 2011

The two boys walked lackadaisically across the street. I waited in my car. Watching them. They both looked unaffected by the fact that a 4500 pound piece of metal on wheels could be used as a weapon with the wrong driver. They looked unaffected by much of anything, actually. I suppose that no one ever told these boys that jay-walking is illegal (in other words: wrong). I guess no one had told these boys that walking slowly and lazily across an intersection- even at a crosswalk- is not only selfish and unkind to the motorists waiting for you, but perhaps a little dangerous, as well. From all appearances, these boys did not feel any responsibility to walk faster. In fact, I am quite certain they were completely wrapped up in their own world and cared about no one but themselves.

I can’t help but contrast these boys to the heroic video showed last night in honor of the tenth anniversary of 9-11. The day that is forever etched in many of our minds. Hundreds of human beings stepped way outside of their selfish box. They stepped up to meet the needs of people they did not even know. For hours. And then for days. They searched and dug by bucketfuls through the dust and the rubble. Looking for both the living and the dead. One firemen talked about his dread of doing that work each morning. But he did it. Because it was what he had to do. Often, character and strength will show up in situations like that. Adrenalin moves in and humans do what needs to be done. It is what a hero is made of. I believe I know many heroes. Men and women who would not hesitate to do what’s right in the midst of a crisis. And I am thankful and proud to know them.

But, let’s face it–it is the daily grind where our real character shines through. It is our daily decisions that show who we really are. Our lives are not shaped by a heroic moment or two. They are shaped by each and every decision. It is so very difficult to do the right thing when there is no one watching. It is difficult to do the right thing when the decision (we believe) will affect no one but us. It is difficult to make the right choice when our parents or our spouse or even our children aren’t there to question us.

Whether it is something as small as lazily walking across the road and forcing people to wait for you or as big as landing in prison for selling drugs, they both show a selfish character. A character that says “I am going to do what I want!”, without care for anyone else. Most of us stay within the “acceptable” social guidelines of selfish. There are hundreds of different, very socially, acceptable ways to be selfish in this culture. But it is still selfish. No matter what the culture says.

As you walk through your day, think about each decision you make…and why you are making that decision. Let’s examine ourselves today. Let’s live beyond the status quo.

2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified.

P.S. God just showed me…like, literally right now, just how selfish I am. As I poured a cup of coffee and had a conversation with my daughter, it quickly turned into a mild argument…because I was being selfish. I may not like this “examine yourself” stuff!

Forming a Life

1 Comment / August 25, 2011 August 25, 2011

Little did he realize that when he took that first shot of vodka, he would be forming his future life. He was simply out partying. He wanted to have a good time. Nothing wrong with that. But 20 years later he is an alcoholic. Drinking, cigarettes, and gambling are all known for their addictive qualities but let’s think about some other areas in which we develop bad habits and haven’t even given it a thought–

How about spending money? You use a credit card for a purchase and think–“wow. that was easy.” And so you do it again. And again. Buying stuff you do not need. Stuff you could live without. But it is so easy. And then the bill comes and there is that momentary feeling of uneasiness. But you pay the minimum and then you just keep charging to a credit card that you can’t pay. Stuck in the cycle of credit card billing. Never paying it off. Forming a life of debt.

Or how about with what you eat or drink? Perhaps you find yourself drinking 2 or 3 sodas every day. It isn’t until you decide to kick the habit that you realize the hold that soda (or chocolate…or you fill in the blank) has on you. And your body is starting to rebel. You are gaining weight. You are not feeling well. You are achy. You are tired. You are fueling your body with something it wasn’t ever meant to be fueled with and now you are paying for that decision. Forming a life of indulgence (the opposite of self-control).

Maybe one evening you were so tired, that you just fell in front of the TV to veg. Before you know it, that is what you do every evening. You have wasted thousands of hours vegging in front of an electronic box. Forming a life of laziness.

You see, your life is not formed by the big moments, but by the little moments. Who you are depends on those little decisions you make each and every day.

But the exciting news is that if you are alive, it is not too late to change! And change comes with every little decision. So instead of finding yourself locked in the same pattern…one day, you choose, instead, to–

-walk away from those really cute shoes.

-drink water.

-turn the tv off and read a story to your kids.

And then you continue that same pattern the next day…and the next day…and before you know it, you have made a positive change in your life!

I am personally working on kicking a sugar habit right now. I did not realize just how badly I fueled my body until I was feeling it in a multitude of ways. I am working at making those small decisions to make my life healthier, and consequently, more productive for God’s purposes.

We can never give in to Satan’s lie that it is impossible to change. If we are God’s child and have been saved by His grace, it is NOT impossible to change. God is bigger than my bad habit. Isn’t that good news?

So what little change will you make today?

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

Steel Rods (and why they do not belong in a marriage)

2 Comments / August 18, 2011 April 25, 2015

I could almost feel the hot, molten metal filling my spine. At first, came the searing heat of anger.

“You can’t tell me what to do!”

“Who do you think you are, anyway?”

“If you love me, you would consider my point of view.”

The red, liquid metal hardened to solid, unyielding steel as the days passed and my thoughts frequently turned to the topic of debate. I felt my heart harden right along with my spine. I wasn’t moving. We had come to an impasse, my husband and I.

What were we going to do about it? Because– did I mention this already?–I wasn’t moving.

I felt a flutter of discomfort–perhaps the Holy Spirit–move in me. I ignored it. I went on with my daily activities like everything was fine. As did my husband. Every now and then we would try to talk about it. And get nowhere. Finally, I think we both gave up.

A couple of weeks later, we were able to talk more about it. I was able to state my valid points in a kind and open way, instead of with an angry finality. I think he really did hear me and we came to an agreeable understanding about the topic, for the most part.

But I still couldn’t pray. Any efforts at prayer couldn’t get beyond the white ceiling above my head. What was wrong, Lord? Why didn’t I feel at peace with You?

I tried to figure it out. My mind glossed over the steel rod already hardened somewhere deep within. It couldn’t be that.

“Lord, you have to understand. I know my husband is the leader, but…You can only expect so much, Lord.”

My excuses went on inside my head for a day or two. But I knew what was keeping me from fellowship with God. I finally submitted to Him and to my husband’s leadership. When I had confessed my sin, I prayed that God would provide a private moment with my husband so that I could apologize. God graciously granted me this often scarce blessing almost immediately and I humbly apologized to my husband.

Did that mean I had changed my opinion about the topic we had heatedly disagreed on? No, not even a bit. But I found that discussing my very strong feelings on this subject with kindness and openness and listening ears made a huge difference in not only that one particular conversation but in the status of our relationship. Instead, I had chosen to plant my feet in concrete and had single-handedly launched our marriage into some very difficult weeks.

I am sharing my experience here as a wife with her husband. But, let’s not forget that men do this, too. Men, please do not use your God-given role as leader to excuse a steel rod within you. Speaking words like “I am the leader, you are to be submissive and do as I say” will build a high wall between you and your wife before you can even spit out that sentence. Your wife is quite familiar with that steel rod of yours. And she feels quite lonely and unloved because of it. If you love your wife, show her how important she is by asking for her thoughts and opinions on things. Show her you care enough to listen.

There is just no room for steel rods in either spouse in a godly marriage. Steel rods make for very lonely people living in the same house. If something is so important that you are willing to sacrifice the health of your marriage on the altar of it, you’d better make sure it is worthy of that sacrifice. Did your wife ask you to lie on your tax return? Did your husband ask you to steal something? It had better be that serious.

We need to lovingly listen to one another. And when we come to an impasse or a disagreement that just can’t be bridged, then the husband needs to lovingly assert his God-given authority and the women needs to humbly submit to that authority.*

And don’t forget to pray together. And pray for each other. If you and your spouse are struggling through something and you feel really strongly about it, speak softly** and pray that your husband or wife would really hear you. And be humble enough to ask the Lord to show you if you are the one who needs to change your mind.

Love, kindness, and humility bring not only a lasting marriage but a healthy marriage. Let’s strive to have healthy, long-lasting marriages. Let’s show the world that marriages modeled after God’s Word are not only different but, oh, so rewarding!

*Ephesians 5:22-33: 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ²⁶ that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷ that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. ³⁰ For we are members of His body,^[d] of His flesh and of His bones. ³¹ “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”^[e] ³² This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. ³³ Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

**Proverbs 15:1: A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Roller Coaster Ride

Leave a Comment / August 11, 2011 August 11, 2011

Somehow my son and I had chosen the wrong line. We had chosen the line for “single” riders to go in the front car. This was not good. He was about 8, so I wasn’t planning on going on this Monster Coaster without him. But, despite my plans, here we were. We were each going alone. I will never forget getting to the top of that steep incline, in the front of the highest coaster I had ever been on, not being able to even see the track in front of me, the drop was that drastic. I glanced out over the beautiful scene spread out below me for a second and then…off I went on one of the wildest amusement park rides of my memory.

I have felt a little like life is like this. We get a split-second to enjoy the blessings…and then we are off on another wild ride. Sometimes when the ride is over, the scenery is the same. Most often, though, it is not. While on the ride, someone we love is gone from our life or we have had to move to a different town or change jobs. And sometimes the ride is actually a good thing…a new baby or a wedding. But one way or another, we usually do not return to the same life we started in.

And sometimes…we get on rides we just didn’t want to go on. We kick and scream…but there we are…locked into that rollercoaster car, high above everything, with no path of escape.

For some reason, this week I have been thinking about the Jews during the Holocaust who were taken away in the train cars. Many of them were quite cultured and very wealthy. And, when very gradually, they realized they were the target of a madman, it was too late for many of them to leave Germany. And, all of a sudden, many of them were thrown onto a roller coaster ride that was their last one.

But, did you notice, no matter how terrible or tragic the ending–a roller coaster ride does end? It does not last forever. You do get off. Sure, sometimes you get right back on…but sometimes you get a breather.

But this is life. We have to face it. We can’t live on last year’s roller coaster. We can’t waste time dreaming about future roller coasters. We need to appreciate and grow from the roller coaster we are on now. Right now. At this moment. Because you all are on some sort of ride. Maybe it is a milder ride…maybe it is wild and crazy. But at the end of whatever ride you are on…your children will be older, you will be a little bit (or a lot) different, and the scenery will have shifted just a bit.

Let’s all hang on and try to enjoy it as best we can!