Christianity – Page 56 – Growing 4 Life

10 Thoughts on Building a Healthy Marriage

Leave a Comment / February 13, 2012 May 31, 2015

It seems only appropriate to talk about marriage as we approach Valentine’s Day. What exactly defines a good marriage? How do a man and a woman not only stay together but actually stay best friends for life? I have a few ideas gleaned from my own 25 years of marriage to my husband, Eric. We have also had the blessing of observing the marriages of both sets of parents and other Christian couples who have set such wonderful examples. Some of the suggestions I have listed here are still very much in progress in our marriage, so please don’t think we have it all together! Here are a few thoughts on the topic of marriage, in no particular order:

1. Have common goals. It is so very hard to be best friends with someone who has totally different goals than you do. Whether it is how to handle finances or where to live or how to raise the kids, it is important that we be unified in most areas. If we cannot come to an agreement about some issue, it is important to come to some kind of compromise, so that we can live in harmony before the children. Of course, Biblical Truth cannot be compromised, but, if we are honest, we will admit that most of our arguments are based on our own selfish desires and have nothing to do with Biblical Truth. Nothing is more disruptive to a marriage than two people going two different directions.

2. A willingness on both parts to admit wrongdoing. This is so very basic– and so very necessary. Just this week, in separate incidents, both my husband and myself had to admit ways in which we messed up. Instead of sweeping them under the carpet, we thought about the sin we had committed and then apologized. I have to honestly admit that this is very difficult for me. My personality is such that I have a really difficult time doing this and it will often take me a few hours or even a few days until the Holy Spirit has convicted me to humble myself and admit my wrongdoing.

3. A willingness for both spouses to forgive and extend grace. Sometimes our spouse isn’t even aware that they hurt us. We need to forgive each other always. If we don’t, then eventually a volcano of bitterness, hurt, and anger will spill over. Some offenses are much easier to forgive than others. But, according to Scripture (Matthew 18:21-22) we are required to forgive each other–again and again. Grace, mercy, and forgiveness go a very long way in preserving a marriage.

4. Don’t allow our expectations to control our responses and reactions. We expect our husbands to read our minds. We expect our wives to have a clean house and hot meal waiting at home, regardless of her day. We expect our husbands to romance us. We expect our wives to understand our need for solitude. And when our spouses do not understand these things, we are offended. But, perhaps, instead of growing hurt and offended and angry, we should communicate our expectations and then determine what is realistically possible? I know when I was homeschooling, my husband had an expectation that I would keep a clean house. This caused a temporary rift in our marriage because I found this to be almost impossible. My husband had an expectation and I was having a very hard time meeting it. Most of us have some unrealistic expectations for our spouse that, if we are not careful, can build a wall between us. Years later, I now feel like it is a realistic expectation for me to keep the house tidy–at least for the few hours the kids are at school!

5. Appreciate each other. Sure, all of us have plenty to complain about, but we all have lots to be thankful for, too. And we need to make sure that appreciation moves beyond just our thoughts and to our mouths. We need to tell our spouse how much we appreciate them generally and specifically. We need to share with our children how much we appreciate their dad or mom. And we should talk positively about our husband or wife when we are in public.

6. Give God first place in our lives. I feel like this is so fundamental that it hardly needs to be said. However, so many of us forget the importance of this in our busy lives. I just heard John Piper say in one of his sermons that he has always encouraged his children to read their Bible in the morning – even before breakfast. In fact, if there is no Bible, there should be no breakfast…the implication being that it is more important to eat spiritual food than physical food. If we are in the Word and confessing and praying and continually examining ourselves, we will be a much easier person to be married to. If our spouse is doing the same thing, it will be doubly helpful to the marriage. The Lord blesses those who live in obedience to Him.

7. Keep our marriage in second place. Not the kids. Not the job. Not the shopping or the sports or the church. We have a responsibility to keep the needs of our spouse of primary importance. I have really struggled with this and continue to struggle with this. Through the years I have found myself in a place where I would meet the many needs of my four children and let my husband fend for himself. I still find myself doing this, as my husband would loudly confirm were he given the opportunity. But we all– whether we are husbands or wives–need to be thinking about our spouse’s needs. We need to be serving them, loving them, and keeping them a priority in our lives.

8. Surprise each other now and again. Okay, so maybe this isn’t as profound or deep as you were expecting but I can honestly say that some of the best times in my life have been when my husband has surprised me. Taken me outside of the ordinary. We live so many of our days in the ordinary that somehow it is so romantic and fun to do something or to receive something unexpected. Last week, Eric walked in the door with a beautiful magenta orchid in his hand. Just because. It wasn’t a holiday or a special occasion. I love those moments! It is fun and healthy for us to break up the commonplace once in awhile with a surprise.

9. Stick with God’s pattern for how a husband and wife are supposed to work together. Women, whether we like it or not, God has set the husband up to be the Spiritual leader. We are to submit to and respect our husbands. Men, whether you want to or not, you are called to be the spiritual leader in your home. You are held responsible before God to love and protect your wife and family and to guide them with Biblical wisdom. This is a responsibility that I see so many women taking by default and many Christian families are affected negatively because of it. God’s design is always perfect. We may not like it, but it is right there in Scripture (Ephesians 5:22-25).

10. No secrets! I can’t think of one on this list that is more important than this. Be honest with each other. In our marriage, we have made the decision to keep our computers, our phones, and any financial accounts open and available to be seen at any time. We talk honestly about our feelings on almost all topics. When communication is not going on, it is the beginning of misunderstandings, bitterness, and fear. Suspicion and distance and walls grow out of keeping secrets. But light shines on a relationship that makes honesty a priority.

All marriages go through ups and downs. We all hit rough times that we just need to toil our way through. But we can never give up. And one final thought – PRAY for your husband or wife. Pray for your marriage. God is faithful!

So, there are some suggestions. This is certainly not an exhaustive list and I am sure I left out some really important points. I would love to hear some of your suggestions and thoughts about this topic. What has really helped to make your marriage work?

Moving Forward

Leave a Comment / February 9, 2012 January 21, 2015

Last week, I found myself murmuring and complaining about a life-changing situation that my family is in. Oh, I wasn’t complaining on the outside. I was still saying all of the platitudes that an “older, wiser, middle-aged” person should say to anyone who would ask me about it, but on the inside I was frustrated and sad and perhaps even growing a little bitter.

God, in His Providence, led me to think on the life of Joseph, through a series of podcasted sermons by *Alistair Begg. This boy was hated and beaten by his brothers, thrown in a pit and sold as a slave to passing merchants. He was seduced by his new boss’s wife, and then framed when he didn’t jump into bed with her. This part of his life concluded by him being thrown into prison for a crime he did not commit. Do you see the potential for bitterness in any of those circumstances? And yet, through it all, he kept his testimony upright and pure and blameless. And because of this, God went on to use Joseph in a mighty way.

My thoughts turned towards the many friends and acquaintances I have known who have been through some really tough times. Some of them could never move beyond their tragic circumstances. They ended up caught in a mire from which they could not extricate themselves because, instead of trusting in God’s Sovereignty and moving forward, they dwelled on the circumstance and grew angry and bitter and stayed broken. In contrast, I thought on those who, by the grace of God and with an admirable determination, chose to move forward and use the trial as an opportunity to give God glory and to share the Gospel. I have seen both examples and I knew which one I wanted to be.

Illnesses and deaths of loved ones, distressed and broken marriages, and financial struggles happen every day. Broken relationships and failing bodies are a painful part of our world. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you just wanted to scream, “But this isn’t how I wanted my life to be!” ? I certainly have.

You see, it really comes down to submitting ourselves to the will of God. Instead, we often find ourselves dwelling on the could haves, the should haves, and the might haves. But we need to stop and say “It is what it is.”

It is what it is.

We aren’t able to turn back the clock and we are given no “do-overs”. So for God’s glory and for our own spiritual health and testimony, we need to stop dwelling on the past and move forward in humble submission, no matter what God has allowed in our lives.

May we be like Joseph, strong and sure in faith, obedient and upright in action, and determined to move forward, no matter what life may bring.

*Below is the link to the first part of the series on Joseph by Alistair Begg. The MP3s are free of charge. If you find yourself in a situation where you are having a hard time trusting God, this series of sermons will be a great encouragement and challenge to you.

http://www.truthforlife.org/resources/sermon/new-coat-big-dreams-deep-pit/

Avoiding Catastrophe

2 Comments / February 6, 2012 April 8, 2014

Yesterday, my husband asked our teen-aged son to start a fire in the wood stove in our shop. We were blissfully having lunch at our neighbors’ house (who also happen to be my in-laws) unaware of the excitement taking place next door.

Apparently, our son had started the fire, watched it for a bit, and then decided to head back into the house to watch a little ice hockey while the fire got going. A little while later, he decided he’d better go check on it.

What he found was a raging fire! Cardboard boxes, unbeknownst to him, were laying too close to the stove and were now in flames. I am so proud of what he did next. Clear-headed and calm, although I am sure with a heart beating so fast it may have hurt, he grabbed the fire extinguisher and found out that those things really do work! He then threw the boxes out onto the pavement to smolder and cool down.

I am here to tell you that had he not gone to check on that fire at just the right time or had he not had the presence of mind to respond to that emergency, we would probably not have a shop today.

Sin is a little like that fire in the wood stove, isn’t it? We start nursing a secret habit or sin and we think it will stay contained and just affect us. But what we don’t realize is that there are almost always “cardboard boxes” laying nearby–they are usually in the shape of our spouse and children, or perhaps our parents, or even our friends. And like a fire, sin will consume anything that gets too close.

Many of our families have been consumed by our sins of selfishness, our lack of discernment, and our pride. They have been consumed by our materialism, our wrong priorities, and our sharp words.

And this is one of the reasons why self-examination is so very important (2 Corinthians 13:5 says Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified.) If we are in step, on a daily basis, with God, reading and studying His Word, dedicating time to prayer, we will know that many things we view as innocent personality traits or harmless activities or attitudes are sinful. And these sins become like fires that are going to damage, if not destroy, those around us.

We can’t afford to go watch hockey while our fire is burning. We have to watch our fires constantly, or better yet, not even start them. But, as we all are sinners, we all have hot ashes that are just waiting for a little kindling to start a roaring fire, don’t we? We can never let down our guard. Never.

I am so grateful that the Lord saw fit to spare our shop. I don’t know why. But I am so thankful He nudged our son to go check on that fire at just the right moment. May we not even leave any fires of sin burning unattended, and if we make the mistake of doing so, may our minds be filled with God’s Word, so that we recognize the danger and douse that thing as soon as it gets started.

As a Lab longeth for its food, so my soul…

Leave a Comment / February 2, 2012 February 2, 2012

My chocolate Lab, Macy, is consumed by the thought of food. As soon as I get up, she hops up from beside my bed and wags her tail expectantly. She knows that she needs to go do her “business” outside before I will feed her, so sometimes she will do nothing but make a token circle around the patio, and then beg to be let back in. As soon as she is inside, she bounces around my feet and keeps trying to move me in the direction of the room where we feed her. Once fed, she lays contentedly at my feet, sated and ready for another day.

The interesting thing is– she know who feeds her. Anyone else can get up in my house before I do, and she will just lay there. She knows that I am the one who feeds her and she will normally wait for me. And, so, as irritating as it can be sometimes, I have somehow ended up as her “master” and I am the one that not only feeds her, but the one she follows everywhere. Literally. Whatever room I am in, I can be sure she is laying somewhere close by.

Her attachment to food and to the one who feeds her is pretty amazing. Her loyalty is not divided. Oh, she loves the others in this house very much and will play with them and even climb on their beds for an occasional night’s sleep (probably because she is not allowed to be on the bed in my room). But I am the one she follows. I am the one she trusts.

As I thought of all of this just this morning, it made me think of how hungry I should be for God’s Word. And how attached I should be to the God who provided it for me. Do I long to feed on God’s Word every morning –so much so that I can’t settle into my day before I have fed myself? Do I trust and follow, without hesitation, the God who provided that food for me?

Sadly, I know that it isn’t so. Oftentimes, I get started on my day and realize at the end of the day that I have never spent time in the Word. Or perhaps it was a day when I sat down with good intentions and then got interrupted. But, you know, Macy would never allow herself to be interrupted while eating. I have tried it. Even if I offer to pet her (her second favorite thing in the world), she will give a cursory glance at me and then turn her head back towards her food bowl.

Perhaps she knows what is important. Perhaps she knows that she needs to eat and have her tummy filled before she can even enjoy being petted. Who knows? But, we should know that as humans, shouldn’t we? We should know that we need to be filled with God’s Word before we can go on to live our day fully to the praise and glory of God. Otherwise, we are stumbling on in our own power, relying on our own strength.

If you happen to have a Lab, then you probably can relate to this post. If you have a different type of dog, then probably not. Our other dog, Belle, a small, white Cavachon, likes to eat, but not with any kind of passion. She will only get passionate about her food when she is really hungry.

I want to be like my Lab in my single-mindedness to fill my mind with God’s Word. I want to have an insatiable appetite and a one track mind each morning. And I want to lay at my Master’s feet the rest of the day, trusting in him implicitly to lead me through each moment.

Job 23:12 I have not departed from the commandment of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth More than my necessary food.

Psalm 42:1 As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God.

Be a Blessing not a Burden

Leave a Comment / January 30, 2012 April 19, 2016

From the time my kids were small I sent them off with these words: “Be a Blessing; not a Burden.” I am not sure where I came up with it. I think I just made it up. But whether they were headed to Grandma’s, a friend’s house, or a soccer game, those were often my last words to them. Did they always listen to me? I highly doubt it. But, hopefully, it got them thinking about others.

I still say it every once in awhile. And it is actually good to say to myself, as well. Because if we are concentrating on being a blessing to others and making an effort at not being a burden to them, it changes how we interact with others completely.

For instance, if I want to be a blessing, I will be looking for ways to encourage those around me. When conversing with them, I will want to find out how they are, I will ask questions, and I will genuinely care. If I want to be a burden, I will only talk about myself – my opinions, my problems, my issues– and not let the other person get a word in edgewise.

If I want to be a blessing, when I see the other person rushing to be first in line, I will slow my gait instead of speeding up to beat them to the line. Or if someone is holding one item to check out and I have a cart full of groceries, it means allowing them to go ahead of me.

Sometimes being a blessing means just not saying something that might be true. Many of us do this frequently. Whether it be directly to someone or it be about them, we say lots of words that just don’t need to be said. Who cares how her hair looks? Or what shirt she is wearing? Why not pray for their obvious budget or job problems instead of talk about them in a negative way? And sometimes it is not so much that we talk about it (how can we work together to help them financially at this time?) but how we talk about it (isn’t that the third time she’s worn that blouse this week? Can’t they afford anything else?)

Being a burden happens when I think only of myself. If I just scurry around in my day thinking only about me, then I won’t stop to ask someone how their weekend was, care about what they think about my “great” idea, or if they have any thoughts on the new plan I am putting in place. I won’t care if my kids believe they are the center of the universe and act like it on the soccer field. I will stand for my personal rights at all times and never back down. I will buy what I want, wear what I want, go where I want, eat what I want. “No one can tell me what to do,” will be my mantra.

In contrast, being a blessing is thinking about others. It includes things like: Asking those who will be affected how they feel about my new plan before just putting it into place; offering a drink to someone working hard in or outside my home; making my home a haven for anyone who visits; realizing my kids have faults, admitting it, and dealing with it; talking it over with my spouse before buying a large item; saying please and thank you – instead of acting like I am entitled; giving in on the things that truly do not matter in the scope of life. The list could go on and on.

As I write this, my husband is blessing me by taking my girls to the school bus. This is the time of year he gets to sleep in- he works really hard and is up by 5 am most of the year- but he blesses me oftentimes in the winter by getting up early enough to take them, so I don’t have to go out into the cold, icy air. It is a great start to my day and I am always so very thankful for his kindness.

And I wonder how I can be a blessing to someone today? How about you? Who can you bless today?

Philippians 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Practice Makes Perfect

Leave a Comment / January 26, 2012 January 26, 2012

My adorable piano student stood before me, unzipping the bag that held her piano books and hesitantly informing me that there were two songs she didn’t know very well. When asked why, she said they were too hard. When she sat at the piano, I asked her to play the first of those two songs. As she faltered and stumbled through the first one, I realized what was going on. She hadn’t even practiced the song because she didn’t like the song. It certainly wasn’t too hard. It was filled with basic notes and timing–both of which had been familiar to her for awhile now.

When questioned if she liked the song, this little girl, a bit embarrassed, was truthful with me. As I assigned the song again and told her that sometimes we have to do things we don’t like in order to really be successful, I thought of how much that is true in all of life.

Why do we have this idea that we can be good at something without practicing it? And why do we think it happens without struggle and working above feelings? Only through practicing – through songs we don’t like, through rhythms and measures that seem impossible, through working up the courage to play for an audience–do we become successful at playing an instrument. The same would hold true of most anything in life.

And if that is true then the following two things are probably also true:

1. If practice makes perfect, then older people probably have a lot of practice at living and perhaps we should listen to them a little bit more often. In the rebellion and casting off of traditions we have seen in the last 25 years or so, I have seen a very disturbing trend in this country. We treat our elderly like they are liabilities, instead of as precious assets who could teach us so much. Let’s face it, the basics of life haven’t changed that much. It is always amazing to me when I sit down and talk with someone who has lived a lot of life not only what I can learn, but how they have struggled through many of the same situations I struggle through…making a marriage work, raising children, trusting in God’s sovereignty, standing for Truth.

Yes, they should be precious to us and we cast them aside in our quest for something new and exciting and different. In my opinion, this is a great tragedy.

2. If we need to spend time at something in order to be successful at it, wouldn’t that mean the same for studying God’s Word? Can we really know it if we aren’t studying? And how can we live a holy life for God if we don’t know what that is? I would submit to you that the only way to know what pleases our heavenly Father is to spend time in His Word, using reliable resources to help us to interpret it.

We only have one life to live. And for many of us, we are looking at the word “elderly” and realizing that in just a few short years it will describe us. May all of us – no matter what age we are — be reading God’s Word and practicing life in such a way that is glorifying our heavenly Father. If we are reading God’s Word and applying it to our lives, young people will notice. And if you are reading this as a young person, then remember –there is always someone younger than you watching you.

May we all strive to be godly examples for a generation that seems to have lost its way. May we be “practicing” life in a manner that shows we are standing on the Solid Rock in the ocean of wishy-washy values and standards we find ourselves in.

Parenting with Purpose

5 Comments / January 19, 2012 January 19, 2012

My four kids in 2003-- where does the time go?

This morning I am speaking at a local MOPS group on the subject of parenting. As I thought about my life as a mom, I realized how many mistakes I have made and how much I have learned. And I thought of the moments we have as parents that are so proud…and the moments that are so devastating. It is only by the grace of God that we raise kids who love the Lord. Below I have included a condensed version of what I am saying this morning, including some resources I recommend.

1. PERSPECTIVE We need to keep perspective on what is truly important. If we are believers, then we only have 18 short years to mold kids who love the Lord with all of their hearts, souls, minds, and strength and love their neighbors as themselves (Mark 12:30). How do we keep proper perspective? I would like to make three suggestions: 1) We need to pray humbly and often. 2) We need to always think about what’s best for our children, rather than get caught up in our own insecurities and feelings. 3) We need to be very careful where we get our information. Look for biblical resources as you face issues with your children. God’s Word must reign supreme. Godly advice has rarely been found in secular books and magazines.

These three things will help us to remember what is truly important as we go about the job of raising kids.

2. PLAN We need to stop parenting out of convenience and reaction. We need to carefully plan each of the following:

–Conversations: use conversation starters like, “What’s your favorite song?” , “Why do you think that person did that bad thing?” or “What scares you the most and why?”

–Activities: When I over-scheduled myself and my children, I would end up short-tempered, with irritable kids, a messy house, and an unhappy husband. I eventually learned that the strife wasn’t worth it. We need to carefully plan our activities and only do the things that are truly important.

–Entertainment: This encompasses so much of our lives. It includes TV shows, movies, music, and video games. We should give great care and thought to, not only on what we allow them to watch and play, but also how often. We should be encouraging our children to be producers (creating, imagining, and building) rather than consumers (watching).

–Chores: We should be actively involving our children in the work around the house, so that they are learning self-discipline and the sense of accomplishment that comes along with hard work. We want to raise adults who are willing to serve others. This starts at home with chores.

3. PRAISE and PUNISHMENT It is important to establish parental authority in our homes when our children are young. It will not get easier as they get older. While listening to our children’s thoughts and feelings on matters is important and even, on occasion, may lead us to change our minds on an issue, we need to be the authority in our homes, as God designed.

We need to be very careful in our use of praise and punishment. Neither should be overdone. Punishment should only be for defiance and not for accidents. It should be thought out and never be born out of our split-second angry reaction. Ha! I write this and I know that I still struggle with this. Angry reactions are what comes natural to me. “Give me your ipod! I am keeping it for a year!” Thankfully, my husband usually helps me see reason and we develop a more reasonable punishment.

And, on a side note, I have never seen a child’s psyche damaged because they can’t wear or eat what they want. However, I have seen great damage occur when a child always gets their own way and believes themselves to be the center of the universe.

4. PROPER PRIORITIES Our priorities should look like this: 1. God 2. Marriage Relationship 3. Children. In many homes, it appears that the children take the number one spot. In fact, I heard Tim Keller talk about this the other day on a podcast. He talked about how the child-centered family of today, instead of being a healthy Christian model, is nothing like a Christian family should look like. Many of us have made our children idols and the troublesome thing is – in most Christian circles we believe this is the right thing to do.

5. PRIVILEGE We need to remember what an incredible privilege it is to raise children who love the Lord! Many are those who only wish they could do it once or do it over. We need to remember how blessed we are and continue on doing our very best even when the road grows difficult and we grow tired.

There is a war going on for the souls of our children. We need to fight for them! God has entrusted many of us with one or more of these souls. May we approach this opportunity with purpose and whole-hearted devotion.

Some resources I recommend:

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

What the Bible Says About Parenting by John MacArthur

Dare to Discipline by James Dobson

Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel

The Cross Does Interfere

Leave a Comment / January 16, 2012 April 3, 2015

Things have come to a pretty pass,” said a famous Englishman testily, “when religion is permitted to interfere with our private lives.”

To which we may reply that things have come to a worse pass when an intelligent man living in a Protestant country could make such a remark. Had this man never read the New Testament? Had he never heard of Stephen? or Paul? or Peter? Had he never thought about the millions who followed Christ cheerfully to violent death, sudden or lingering, because they did allow their religion to interfere with their private lives?

But we must leave this man to his conscience and his Judge and look into our own hearts. Maybe he but expressed openly what some of us feel secretly. Just how radically has our religion interfered with the neat pattern of our own lives? Perhaps we had better answer that question first.

I have long believed that a man who spurns the Christian faith outright is more respected before God and the heavenly powers than the man who pretends to religion but refuses to come under its total domination. The first is an overt enemy, the second a false friend. It is the latter who will be spewed out of the mouth of Christ; and the reason is not hard to understand.

One picture of a Christian is a man carrying a cross. “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). The man with a cross no longer controls his destiny; he lost control when he picked up his cross. That cross immediately became to him an all-absorbing interest, an overwhelming interference. No matter what he may desire to do, there is but one thing he can do; that is, move on toward the place of crucifixion.

The man who will not tolerate interference is under no compulsion to follow Christ. “If anyone would,” said our Lord, and thus freed every man and placed the Christian life in the realm of voluntary choice.

Yet no man can escape interference. Law, duty, hunger, accident, natural disasters, illness, death, all intrude into his plans, and in the long run there is nothing he can do about it. Long experience with the rude necessities of life has taught men that these interferences will be thrust upon them sooner or later, so they learn to make what terms they can with the inevitable. They learn how to stay within the narrow circular rabbit path where the least interference is to be found. The bolder ones may challenge the world, enlarge the circle somewhat and so increase the number of their problems, but no one invites trouble deliberately. Human nature is not built that way.

Truth is a glorious but hard mistress. She never consults, bargains or compromises. She cries from the top of the high places: “Choose my instruction instead of silver, / knowledge rather than choice gold” (Proverbs 8:10). After that, every man is on his own. He may accept or refuse, receive or set at naught as he pleases; and there will be no attempt at coercion, though the man’s whole destiny is at stake.

Let a man become enamored of eternal wisdom and set his heart to win her and he takes on himself a full-time, all-engaging pursuit. Thereafter he will have room for little else. Thereafter his whole life will be filled with seekings and findings, self-repudiations, tough disciplines and daily dyings as he is being crucified unto the world and the world unto him.

Were this an unfallen world the path of truth would be a smooth and easy one. Had the nature of man not suffered a huge moral dislocation there would be no discord between the way of God and the way of man. I assume that in heaven the angels live through a thousand serene millenniums without feeling the slightest discord between their desires and the will of God. But not so among men on earth. Here the natural man receives not the things of the Spirit of God; the flesh lusts against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh, and these are contrary one to the other. In that contest there can be only one outcome. We must surrender and God must have His way. His glory and our eternal welfare require that it be so.

Another reason that our religion must interfere with our private lives is that we live in the world, the Bible name for human society. The regenerated man has been inwardly separated from society as Israel was separated from Egypt at the crossing of the Red Sea. The Christian is a man of heaven temporarily living on earth. Though in spirit divided from the race of fallen men he must yet in the flesh live among them. In many things he is like them, but in others he differs so radically from them that they cannot but see and resent it. From the days of Cain and Abel the man of earth has punished the man of heaven for being different. The long history of persecution and martyrdom confirms this.

But we must not get the impression that the Christian life is one continuous conflict, one unbroken irritating struggle against the world, the flesh and the devil. A thousand times no. The heart that learns to die with Christ soon knows the blessed experience of rising with Him, and all the world’s persecutions cannot still the high note of holy joy that springs up in the soul that has become the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit.

—From The Radical Cross by A.W. Tozer

As many of you already know, AW Tozer is one of my favorite authors. I hope that you have enjoyed this excerpt.

Speaking God’s Language

Leave a Comment / January 12, 2012 January 12, 2012

My worried mom decided to take my brother to the doctor. He was three years old and he wasn’t talking. At all. His communication consisted of making weird, throaty noises that sounded like “gunk! gunk!” and pointing. At the time, I was four years old (we are only 17 months apart) and quite talkative. In fact, I embarrassed my mom at times with my blunt observations of things going on around me.

An appointment was set and off we went to the doctor. After talking a bit with my mom and observing my brother and me, the doctor pointed to me and said, “She’s your problem.”

The doctor had correctly diagnosed that I was talking for my brother, making it quite unnecessary for him to speak a word. I understood his primitive “gunk” language and functioned as his interpreter. When my mom and dad started keeping a closer eye on me, my brother started talking in full sentences almost immediately. My brother already knew how to talk. He just didn’t have to.

As parents, there comes for each of us the day when our teens will start talking in full “spiritual” sentences. Oh, the process may be delayed if we keep interpreting for them, as I did for my brother. We can be tempted to make assumptions about whether or not our child is saved. We often make excuses for our child’s behavior and motives. But when we finally step back and our child starts speaking with his choices and actions about the things that matter, will he be speaking God’s language?

Many of us think our 3 year olds are too young to understand life. We think our 8 year olds care nothing for anything except playing with legos or dolls. But we have found in our home that children do care.

We have discussed a lot of topics in our home. We talked about heaven and hell. We talked about trials and hard decisions we were facing. We talked about God’s Sovereignty and we talked about the debate of election vs. free will. We talked about respect for authority, holiness, godly leadership and consequences of bad choices. We have always used God’s Word as our resource. If it isn’t in there, we can’t stand on it. We have even had discussions of traditions we, as parents, held dear to our hearts, but after discussing it with our family, realized were just that: traditions. They weren’t biblical and we admitted that. And, through it all, our kids listened to these discussions. And, as they got a little older, they participated. Oftentimes, they began some of these discussions with their own questions or thoughts. These discussions continue in our home even now on a very regular basis.

We have seen in the lives of our children the fruit of these discussions. Oh, they aren’t perfect, as many of you can attest to. But as we have let them “talk” on their own, we have seen that they were listening all along.

Raising kids is so difficult. But we can do ourselves a great favor by not underestimating our children’s ability to understand adult topics. Sure, there are some things they do not need to know. But don’t protect them from life’s hard decisions and discussions. If you show an example of relying on biblical Truth, they will see that. Then when we step back to let them start talking with their lives, they will use the Bible as their guide, as well. Are there some kids who are exceptions to this pattern? Yes. I acknowledge that there are.

We have a great responsibility as parents to teach our children God’s Truth. This can’t be done if the only things we are discussing at the dinner table is sports, the neighbor’s dog, and how the party went last night. Let’s discuss the important stuff, so that when our kids start talking in spiritual sentences, they are speaking God’s language.

Rook and the Christian Life

1 Comment / January 9, 2012 October 29, 2014

Have you ever heard of the game “Rook”? Over the holidays we had the opportunity of spending an evening playing Rook with a large group of friends. It was set up so that you rotate tables and each hand is played just a little differently. It was a little confusing trying to remember which color was trump or if we were going to double our score at the end, but it was a lot of fun! And then came the hand where the instructions were to lose. The winners would take the losers’ score and the losers would take the winners’ score. Now that was a mind stretcher, at least for me. It was hard to play to lose when you have been playing to win. Everything changed. Instead of laying down the highest card, I needed to lay the lowest. Instead of strategizing with my partner and trying to help him win, I needed to make sure we both lost. It was a complete change of direction and every decision made in that game relied on me remembering that change of direction.

It reminded me of the Christian Life and the change of direction that is required and the struggle that often comes with that change. The only difference is that in life we have been playing to lose. We have been playing for our own glory, our own gain, our own selfish pursuits. We have been causing havoc by demanding our own way, by not caring who we hurt, by using our material wealth for ourselves instead of helping others. And then God saves us. Suddenly, all of the rules have changed. Now we are supposed to be playing for God – His glory, His gain. We are supposed to be denying ourselves and thinking of others. It is a complete change of mind and direction. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says it perfectly: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

For most of us, this change in direction presents quite a few challenges. If we are trying to live for God’s glory and not our own selfish desires, it changes everything. Self-denial comes hard– whether we are talking about what entertainment I fill my head with, what kind of steward I am with God’s money, or how I treat my friends.

The other day I sat down to watch a sitcom that my husband and I used to find quite entertaining. Reruns have come back on TV and as I had loved that show, I thought it would be fun to record them for a fun half hour break from life. The disappointing thing was when I watched, my conscience was pricked to the point that I didn’t even enjoy the show. I knew that filling my mind with this show was dishonoring my heavenly Father. The main character was a pathetic human being, bent on getting his own way no matter who he hurt in the process (and this was glorified and turned into comedy) and the dialogue was suggestive and impure.

I was excited to realize that I am growing spiritually! What I used to watch no longer even appealed to me. This is a sign that the change of direction is taking place.

Unfortunately, while this may be a positive change in my spiritual life, the more mature I grow in Christ, the more aware I am of the overwhelming sin in my life. And so, while I am thankful for that small bit of growth, I realize just how miniscule it is when compared to the spiritual growth that still needs to occur in my life.

In the card game, we returned to our original direction of playing to win in the next hand. But once we are a Christian, we should always be playing to win! Let’s not wallow in our losing, selfish state, as we are so apt to do. If you enjoy the same entertainment you did ten years ago, what does that say about your spiritual growth? If you are using your resources– time, money, and energy– the same way you did ten years ago, what does that say about your spiritual growth?

Let’s always play to win! And by so doing, we may stand out among the world as losers (John 15:18-19) but we can rest assured knowing we are heading in the right direction for eternity!