Growing 4 Life

Parenting 101: Who’s the Boss?

2 Comments / January 9, 2014 September 18, 2017

“NO!” screams a defiant two year old while his mom or dad stands helplessly by. We try to be nonchalant as we move around the battlefield of child against parent in the store aisle, but usually curiosity wins out and we take a quick glance. Have you been here? Or maybe you have been that parent?

I have seen and heard about enough situations to know that the TV Show Super Nanny isn’t filled with families that are exceptions — they actually seem to be more the norm. And these little tyrants are growing up to be adults who think they deserve the world when they say they deserve the world. Unsurprisingly, this method of letting little children rule the home is very detrimental to our society.

Of course, they are so cute and adorable but without boundaries they become tyrants and tantrum-throwers.What a lot of heartache can be spared for both parent and child later on if the parents’ authority is established in their home when their kids are small.

Before I move on, I do want to mention one thing. Whenever we get into this area of parenting 2-5 year olds, inevitably the whole idea of spanking comes up. Do you? Should you? As you consider what you should do in this area, I would encourage you to pay more attention to scripture (Proverbs 22:15; 13:24) than to humanistic philosophies. Both my husband and I believe we are better spouses, parents, employees, and friends because our parents spanked us. It is also a much shorter route to get where you are going. Now–that being said–I have seen Super Nanny accomplish the same in a longer, more circuitous route. Whichever way you choose to discipline, the key is: there must be some.

This is where we parents can get so selfish and lazy (trust me, I remember those days!)–

He is screaming and screaming and so we just give him what he wants to shut him up.

She keeps getting up off of time-out and so we just let her go back to playing.

He keeps whining and fussing about the broccoli on his plate and so we don’t make him eat it.

She is embarrassing us in the store and so we hand her a bribe, usually in the form of a sugary snack or a toy.

We can be prepared for heading up a committee or organizing a project, but we are never prepared for a 2 year old screaming NO in our face in a public place or making such a fuss over something on their plate.

I remember the first time I held my oldest child in my arms. I looked at that tiny round face and thought: I have absolutely no idea what to do with her. The responsibility of it all was so overwhelming. That was 23 years ago and the advice to parents back then was a little different than the advice parents are being given now. I am so thankful for parents and in-laws who advised us as we got our feet wet in the parenting thing and also for radio programs like Focus on the Family that helped me so much. Of course, bible-based parenting books were a great help, too (and I will list some of my favorites at the end of this post). It is so important that we are open to godly advice and counsel from those who have been successful in this adventure of parenting. If you don’t know where to turn, find a family with godly, well-behaved children and ask them what they are doing.

But, in the meantime, here are a few pointers that my husband and I learned in this parenting journey. If you can do these six things with your young children, you will establish a strong base for your family when the rough seas of teen years come.

1. Establish yourself as the authority. This may be the one most important thing. Because if you don’t do it when they are two, you will have a very difficult time doing this when they are twelve. Many times the word authority causes us to cringe. We want to be friends with our kids. But there is time for that later. Our kids yearn for someone to be in charge. You are that someone. We need to embrace the role that God has given us in our homes and be the loving authority that our babies so desperately need and desire.

2. Keep in mind that the word authority is not synonymous with tyrant! It is important that we let our children make a few small decisions that really don’t matter in the scope of life. Perhaps we can let them choose their own outfits on Saturdays. Or what they eat for breakfast on Sundays. It won’t hurt them to allow them to stay up late and wait for Daddy to get home from a business trip. We need to be flexible and not run our homes like a dictator.

3. Disobedience must be followed by consequences. Whatever consequence you choose to use –spanking, time-outs, or taking away a favorite toy–must be used every time that child disobeys. They must equate a bad consequence with their wrong behavior. We have to work above our feelings in this area. There can be no free passes because they are cute or we are too tired.

4. Consistency is crucial. As parents, we have the responsibility to discipline our kids when they need it. We don’t have the right to be too tired, too busy, or too tied up watching our favorite tv show or checking Facebook. If they disobey, we need to be there in both mind and body to provide the consequence.

5. Learn the difference between accidents and defiance. Accidents happen and I sure wouldn’t want to be punished for toppling my water at the table — after all, it still occasionally happens! Accidents do not warrant punishment unless there is disobedience connected to it (i.e. you told your child not to run in the house and he chose to disobey and broke a lamp).

6. Hug and play and hug and play. I know that sounds rather funny but, quite seriously, it is so important that we establish the truth that we love them unconditionally and that they are important enough to us to spend time with them at this young age. They need to know we are on their side in this treacherous game of life!

While none of us will be perfect in doing these six things (I know I wasn’t!), if we can establish an overall pattern of these things in our homes, it will provide a solid foundation that will reap tremendous fruit later on.

I know this because I am living it.

I remember some especially hard times with my son as a toddler. We would be doling out consequences multiple times each day and the days would be SO long. But those long days paid for themselves when, as a teenager, we went through some difficult days with him. While we fought and cried and battled together, he did always acknowledge our authority and we never lost complete touch with his heart.

And so, while I can’t give any guarantees, I can assure you that most parents that do the hard work when their kids are small reap big rewards when they are older. It takes patience but it is so worth the wait. (Of course, there is some immediate fruit that shows itself when we parent toddlers correctly — like being able to go the store without any tantrums!)

I know that many of my readers are out of this stage of parenting. It is my prayer that this post makes it into the hands of a few young parents that will be encouraged by this. While this stage of parenting comes with such joy as we watch our kids discover the world, it also comes with a lot of hard work. But keep doing the hard work. It will be so worth it!

A few of my favorite parenting books —

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp (which I noticed is only $1.99 for the kindle version today! Not sure how long that will last)

She’s Gonna Blow! Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger by Julie Barnhill

On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Buckhnam (this book is specifically for teaching infants to be on a schedule, but helped me to establish routine and schedule for my kids early on.)

What the Bible Says About Parenting by John MacArthur

These are the ones that come to mind right now. I will add more as I think of them.

Parenting 101: What Does My Marriage Have To Do With It?

2 Comments / January 7, 2014 January 7, 2014

The little girl stared wide-eyed at her parents. The family was eating a dinner like any normal night. The mom had cooked a meal and when the dad had come home from work the family all took a seat at the table. But somewhere during the course of conversation that night, the mom and dad had started to argue. The argument had become quite heated and the little girl was scared. The big “D” word played over and over in her mind. She thought of some of her friends who lived with just their moms.

After dinner, she quietly left the table and hurried upstairs where she grabbed a small suitcase and started packing. She didn’t know what was going to happen but she knew she didn’t want to be around to watch it.

She didn’t get very far. Her parents found her and they all had a good talk.

That little girl was me. I do not remember much about my childhood but I do remember that evening. I was only a small girl — maybe six or seven. But seeing my mom and dad fight scared me to death. Thankfully, I was in a home where that was not a daily occurrence and when it was over, it was over. Genuine apologies were made and life moved on.

I tell you that story because I think it shows just a bit what our children think when we are struggling to get along as a couple. I can also remember when Eric and I went through a very difficult period for about a year early on in our marriage. No cause showed itself and eventually it just got better but, for whatever reason, we just couldn’t get along during that time. While we struggled, one of our children would get up every night with a bellyache. It wasn’t until later that we put two and two together and realized that the poor child’s fear of an impending divorce was showing up in her belly. Now, we knew we weren’t getting divorced– just as my parents knew they weren’t getting divorced when I heard them fighting– but she didn’t know that.

Can you see how critical it is that we make sure our kids know how much we love each other? That they understand that we will never, ever get divorced? But only if it’s true. Don’t lie to them. That will make things worse.

And, I might add here before moving on– I understand that some of you are married to uncooperative and ungodly spouses. I grieve with you over that. Keep praying. And may that motivate you to pray that your children would choose godly spouses as they grow up.

But for those of you who are married to a Christian spouse and really want a strong family with well-adjusted kids, be sure to keep your marriage a strong priority. I can think of three specific reasons–

1. It provides a security like no other for a child. The world can be in utter chaos, but if home is a safe and happy place, our children feel secure.

2. It provides consistency between mom and dad that is comforting and helpful to growing kids. Kids are smart and if they can play mom and dad against each other to get their own way, they will do it. Healthy marriages keep these games to a minimum.

3. It gives them a godly example of marriage to emulate in their own lives when that time comes. Children in homes with healthy marriages are much more likely to have their own healthy marriages. Whether we like it or not, most of us end up being just like our parents. We end up arguing like them, serving (or not serving) like them, going to church as often as them, and parenting like them. Oh, many of us make changes because we see the need, but our natural inclination is to be like our parents. With that in mind, it is important that we have a healthy marriage now so that our kids have a much better opportunity to have healthy homes of their own one day.

So, now that we understand how important it is, how do we go about doing that?

Most of us are familiar with the Ephesians 5:22-29 passage about a woman submitting to her husband and a man loving his wife. We women get very “up in arms” over that word submit. But should we? Of course, over the centuries, many misguided men have twisted that word to be synonymous with the word doormat. But is that what the Lord meant? I think not, given the exhortation for men to cherish their wives. Men who cherish their wives do not treat them like doormats.

Very simply, a healthy marriage consists of two people giving up their own selfish desires for the other person. Of course, as a believer, we should desire to think less of self in all relationships (Philippians 2:3-5), but this fruit of selflessness is never so sorely tried as in marriage. For in marriage, we cannot hide our selfish motives and unkind hearts. We can’t hide our sinful habits and our big mouths.

And, interestingly enough, I found out rather recently in my own marriage that when one of the marriage partners makes an effort in being kind and loving and unselfish instead of snappy and critical, oftentimes the other person will rise to meet them in that effort. And– just to be clear– it was my sweet husband who reminded me of what marriage can be by going above and beyond. His actions motivated me to meet him half-way in making our relationship so much healthier.

All marriages go through good times and difficult times. Meanwhile our kids are watching. And they sit back and wonder: Are they going to work it out or give up? Are they going to keep talking or ignore each other for days on end? Will they stay together or will they get divorced?

We need to live each marriage moment in light of being the husband or wife that God has called us to be. We need to be the same person at home that we are in public. We need to keep working and trying and giving up our rights and desires for the betterment of our spouse. And, while this is not easy to do as naturally selfish people, I try to remember when I’m frustrated that it’s really no picnic being married to me, either! Marriage is two imperfect people living together in an imperfect world. There are bound to be some rocky patches.

One final very important thing to remember is that love is not a feeling. Love is action. And when we choose to love by our actions, it is incredibly surprising and quite amazing how the feelings of love return. So choose to love and be amazed at God’s grace in this area. But I will warn you — this takes work. Work that is well worth it in the end, but it is work.

A healthy marriage is critical for a healthy family. That doesn’t mean there won’t be disagreements, but that we work through them in a way that honors our heavenly Father.

Thanks for reading! Hope you come back for the next post in this series which I’ve entitled Who’s the Boss? And if you liked this post, would you consider sharing it? Thank you! :)

Parenting 101: The Basics

Leave a Comment / January 3, 2014 January 3, 2014

As I contemplated writing a few basics of parenting, I realized that what I write in this post would most certainly overlap a bit with the remainder of my posts in this series. With that in mind, I will not go into great detail on each point here. However, there are a few basics that hold true no matter what stage we are at in the parenting journey. There are certain things that help us tremendously whether we are trying to teach a two year old to obey or are giving advice to our twenty-somethings–

The first is humility. There is no great relationship without humility. It is what drives us to make genuine apologies. Humility is what allows us to show our vulnerability. It keeps us from being defensive and so quickly offended. It is the only way we are truly able to have a healthy relationship with our kids — and with anyone else, for that matter. Our kids need to know that we aren’t perfect, we don’t have all the answers, and that we know we mess up (they already know it and can’t figure out why we won’t just admit it!) Being willing to take an honest look at our failures and bad habits and apologize to our children when we fail goes great, great lengths in healing and strengthening a relationship.

Our kids also need to know that they are unconditionally loved no matter what. This isn’t so hard when they are little and so incredibly cute when they are naughty. It does become a little more difficult as they grow up and start smart-mouthing us. And then they start making decisions that go against everything you taught them or embarrass you or ruin your reputation. And your love starts being tested. But, no matter what they do, our children should never have to wonder if they are loved. If you aren’t sure if they know that you love them, then tell them right now. Today. Even if they are fifty years old. Age doesn’t seem to make much of a difference with this one. I’ve seen middle-aged men and women still yearning for the love and approval of their parents.

Make reasonable expectations and then be consistent in handing out consequences when the expectations aren’t met. This is one of the toughest parenting jobs there is. I will write much more on this throughout the month.

Remember the responsibility of being a parent. We aren’t here to be a buddy or even a friend (although that often eventually happens later) We are obligated to be the best parent we can be. We can help our kids walk with God or we can hinder it. What are we going to choose? Responsibility means doing the hard stuff even when we don’t feel like it. And, quite honestly, taking the easy route today creates the very difficult path of tomorrow. As they grow into adults, our responsibility changes but we are still responsible to be an encouraging and supportive parent.

Communication can never be underestimated. Being a good parent means talking and discussing (not preaching) and listening and hours and hours of time. No matter what their ages, we are a good parent to our precious children by communicating with them.

And, finally, we can never stop praying for them. God steps in and takes over when we are hopeless. He supplies strength where we are weak. He loves our children more than we do. Prayer does amazing things. God cares about even the smallest thing. Why do we seem to have such a hard time making time for prayer?

These are a few basics of being a good Christian parent for children of any ages. Can anyone think of any others? I am sure I missed a few!

The next post in this series will be about marriage as it relates to parenting.

January Series Schedule: Parenting 101

Leave a Comment / January 2, 2014 January 2, 2014

Last year I had a little series in January about joy that I called Jumpstart to Joy. As I was thinking about the new year, I decided to do a series again. It’s just a fun and challenging way for me to begin my new blogging year.

This year I am going to write on a topic that affects a good many of us. I hesitate to even write about it, because I never want to give the impression that I believe I have perfected my skills in this area. Nothing could be further from the truth. But I have learned a lot over the years– both through my own experience and by observation.

I have chosen the topic of Parenting. I wish I could come up with some clever title for it, but none has come to me. So I guess this series will just be called Parenting 101.

My youngest turned 15 last month and I realized that I have learned an awful lot over my past 23 years of being a parent. I’ve learned a lot from my parents and other godly parents. I’ve seen some bad examples and some good examples. And, of course, God’s Word has been our invaluable guide and help in this area. All of that has brought me here — to the place where perhaps it is time to share a bit of it here on the blog.

I plan to break it down into 8 different posts, which will be posted on Tuesdays and Fridays this month–

Jan 3 – The Basics A few basic principles of parenting, no matter what stage you are in

Jan 7 – What does my marriage have to do with it? The importance of keeping our marriages healthy

Jan 10 – Who’s the Boss? Parenting toddlers

Jan 14 – When They Grow Out of the Cute Stage! Parenting kids between six and ten.

Jan 17 – I Need a Reason! Parenting ‘tweens and teens

Jan 21 – What’s My Role? Parenting adult kids

Jan 24 – Being a “Great” Grand-parent Supporting my adult kids in their role as a parent

Jan 28 – Where’s God At In This Whole Process? Weaving God and His Word into every stage of parenting

Jan 31 – I will save this day for any questions that may come up during this month from any of you. Feel free to e-mail me questions (see contact page) or to post them on the Growing4Life Facebook page. If there aren’t any questions, I will resume my normal blogging that day.

I hope that this series will be an encouragement to you. If you find the posts helpful, I hope that you will consider passing them along to others you know.

Looking Back and Looking Forward

4 Comments / December 31, 2013 January 1, 2016

As another year draws to a close, I inevitably start looking to the new year. Budgets are again created for our household and business. I come up with personal goals having to do with my health, my home, and my walk with God. I suppose I am not alone in this past time. Many of us use this time to look forward and set goals. And while we don’t always get very far on our goals, budgets, and plans to lose weight, it is very important that we keep trying and working and praying. We can’t just give up.

One of the best starts to next year is first taking a few moments to reflect on last year. And so I decided to ask myself a few questions–

Am I closer to the Lord now than I was last year at this time?

What did I do that matters for eternity this past year?

Do I look more like Jesus right now than I did one year ago? Five years ago? Twenty years ago?

You may think I am a little obsessed with the spiritual side of things and I guess you would be right. As I get older, I can’t help but realize that it is really the only thing — long-term– that matters. And, quite honestly, out of my good spiritual health flows other good things–better relationships, self-control, joy.

But we can never manipulate God. And so it can never be our desire to have good spiritual health so that we can get what we want out of life. There is such a push to fulfill ourselves and find our purpose that we can sometimes forget that our purpose is to glorify God. As a believer, my desire is to please Him, not myself.

This takes me back to my goals for the new year. Am I creating these goals for me? Or do I have pleasing God in mind?

I can honestly say that –while there is an element of selfishness in them — more and more I become acutely aware of the fact that lack of self-control is a sin. And this is the main reason why I don’t stop trying to lose weight, to stick to a budget, and to stop wasting time.

God has given me (and you) some incredible resources. The three I specifically think of are our body, our time, and our money. If we don’t intentionally care for these resources they can be frittered away into nothingness (or in the case of our bodies — be enlarged into a great something!)

And this has been my experience on more occasions than I care to admit. And so I keep setting goals. But I try to set them in light of my spiritual health.

Because I want to serve and honor Jesus in this new year. And I cannot do that if I am lacking self-control in my life.

I know lots of people have given up on setting “New Year’s Resolutions”. But I want to encourage you to take a few minutes today for reflection. The new year is a great time to reflect on the past year and to set hopeful goals for the new year. But let’s set those goals with the Lord in mind. And let’s remember that Jesus is by our side as we fight against the sin and bad habits that so easily beset us, ready to strengthen and help us.

Isaiah 41:10

I Corinthians 10:13

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Psalm 46:1

Just Believe

2 Comments / December 23, 2013 December 23, 2013

This time of year, you hear (and see) the words just believe a lot. Most times it is referring to Santa Claus. But, other times, it is referring to believing in God or in angels. Or something supernatural. Something outside of normal human happenings.

Sometimes these words are followed by the words “in yourself”. Just believe in yourself. Sometimes they are followed with a Bible verse.

The key is believing. It doesn’t seem to really matter these days what you believe, as long as you believe.

The problem lies in the fact that, outside of God’s Word, whatever you believe in seems to consistently change.

Believe in myself?

One day I am strong and courageous and, the next, I am frightened and weak.

Believe in the media?

One day they say vitamins and supplements are critical to a healthy lifestyle, the next they say they cause cancer (yes, I actually just read an article that states this!)

Believe in Santa Claus?

That works until you are about six and can make sense of the fact that, no matter how many times your parents take you to see Santa Claus or how many Christmas movies show Santa weaving Christmas miracles, there is no possible way a big fat man could get down the chimney or visit all those houses on Christmas Eve.

Believe in God?

Of course we believe in God (most of us). But what does that mean? How do we know what to believe? If it is up to me to define who God is, I will make Him into someone I want Him to be. But what if that isn’t who He is? How do I know the Truth about God?

Believe in Jesus?

Which Jesus? The Jesus that the world is preaching– the non-judging, weak Jesus? The one who accepts everyone without condition–no repentance of sin necessary?

It is a confusing world we live in. One day we read one thing and the next we read the opposite. It makes me feel like burying my head in the sand and shouting, “I give up!” Or at least it would, if it wasn’t for one thing–

God’s Word.

For there, and only there, can we truly understand who God is and why Jesus came. Only there does the world and the direction it is going make any sense at all. Only there do we learn fully of God’s plan for His people.

Sure, there are some things that make me uncomfortable in that book. I am hit face to face with my sin there– For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.( Hebrews 4:12)

But I would rather know the truth–about myself, about God, and about the world–than live in a made-up world built of sand.

And so, as we celebrate this Christmas season, I am so very thankful to say that I know what I believe without a shadow of a doubt. I know that God’s Word is Truth, no matter what the rest of the world says. I know that the baby in the manger was born to die–to pay the price for my sins. I know that Jesus lives victorious over sin!

And that foundation is priceless, as we try to discern and process all that is going on around us–in the modern day church, in politics, in our own lives–in fact, in any and all areas.

p.s. If you want to truly understand just how awesome God’s Word is and how it got to us, this sermon is the most wonderful one I have heard on the subject. It was very helpful in reminding me of the reliability and inerrancy and power of God’s Word. I wish every Christian would listen to it.

What We Remember

2 Comments / December 19, 2013 December 23, 2025

Christmas is such a blessed time, especially if we truly understand the reason for the season. But, inevitably, as we grow older this time of year also comes with a bit of sad nostalgia as we remember favorite childhood memories and loved ones no longer with us.

Sometimes I am so caught up in the busyness of the season, I don’t really take the time to reflect on past Christmases, but this season has purposefully been a little slower paced and so I found my mind going back–

One of my favorite Christmas memories was making homemade Christmas ornaments with my mom and brother. Sometimes my grandmother, aunt, and cousins would join us. Sometimes we would make them on Thanksgiving Day. We would play Christmas music and cut and paint and glue and glitter. We would watch colorful plastic shrink in the oven until it became a quarter of its original size (anyone else remember the wonder of shrinky-dinks?) I especially remember the felt ornaments we tried one year. There was the Christmas tree with the rick-rack garland and the ornament shape with glued sequins and ribbon decorating it. I am pretty sure my mom still hangs some of these handmade ornaments each year on her tree.

I remember coloring with my brother. Every year we would buy the same matching Christmas coloring books. Its pages held a story about a girl and a boy and Santa. We would lay on the floor on the brightly-colored blue, red, green, and gold afghan my grandmother had crocheted, listening to Alvin and the Chipmunks while we colored in our coloring books with a brand new box of Crayola crayons. I always colored the girl’s hair a golden yellow.

I also remember my very favorite song called Christmas Chopsticks sang by Bobby Vinton on my very favorite Christmas album called a Very Merry Christmas. I think it was an album put out by a hardware store. Remember those? I used to play that record over and over again. Jim Nabors (i.e. Gomer Pyle) sang a song on the album in a deep bass voice. It was nothing like his Gomer Pyle voice at all.

And one of my fondest memories is spinning around in circles to Christmas music. My brother and I would try to stay on the blanket (yes, the same brightly colored afghan) and twirl and twirl until we got dizzy and we fell down. If any part of our bodies left the blanket we would be the loser. It was a made up game we loved. We did that every Christmas for years.

I remember my dad taking forever to get ready on Christmas morning. We kids would sit there in anxious anticipation, lining up our presents in the order we would want to open them. And then re-lining them up again. We would shake them and stare at them, trying to guess what was in each brightly colored package. And then we would re-line them again. After what seemed like an eternity, my dad would slowly walk down the steps, smiling. It was just part of our family’s tradition and we loved it!

And I remember my uncle Dave, pretending to be Santa and the excitement and expectation of him walking through the door– even though I knew he wasn’t really Santa. I remember family gathering, and laughing, and playing games, enjoying one another’s company. I remember mounds and mounds of yummy Pennsylvania Dutch food. We were not a gourmet family by any sense of the word and the foods that were prepared would make any healthy eater shudder, but I still, to this day, enjoy a good carbohydrate-laden holiday meal.

You know what I don’t remember?

I don’t remember any of my gifts. Oh, wait–I take that back. There was one Christmas that I wanted my own phone “real bad”. Back then, of course, that meant running wires and putting in another line. My mom thought it would be funny to put a play phone in a box and wrap it up. I still vividly remember opening that blue play phone with its rotary dial. I actually didn’t think it was that funny.

But I don’t remember many other gifts. It wasn’t that I didn’t get gifts. My mom loves Christmas and we were never disappointed (except for that phone incident!) But now I can see that the gifts weren’t really what was important about Christmas.

For Christmas is most importantly about Jesus coming to earth as a babe to save the lost. It’s about God sending His Son into this fallen, sinful world to grow up to be a man and then die on a cross for sinners. It’s about that Son rising again with victory over sin and death. Christmas is a big part of the plan of salvation, that is available to all people, through God’s grace and mercy.

But Christmastime is also about family coming together, forgetting for a brief time the cares and problems that keep us apart. Christmas is about spending time together, making memories and loving one another. I didn’t have a perfect family. My mom’s family was not perfect and neither was my dad’s. There were serious issues going on in my extended families, unbeknownst to me at the time. But I am so thankful for family members who could enjoy one another’s company for a few hours each holiday season to make beautiful memories for the child that was me. What a blessing.

As we look at our Christmas gift list for the tenth time this year, stressing over all we still have to buy, let us remember that Christmas isn’t really about the gifts under the tree, after all.

Let’s try to bring joy and hope to our family gatherings this year. Let’s not discuss topics that will start arguments. Let’s ignore the sharp tongue of that critical family member. Let’s overlook the faults of another for this short time. Let’s act and react with grace and kindness. Let’s give our families the gift of peace.

Let’s plan some fun activities — make some ornaments, play a few games, take a drive to look at lights, complete a Christmas puzzle, or read a Christmas story— anything that will make great memories and strengthen our family relationships. Let’s give our families the gift of happy memories.

And let’s focus on what matters. Let’s be sure our children know why we celebrate Christmas. Let’s keep Christ at the center of it all. Let’s strive to please our Lord and Savior all through the year. Let’s give our families the gift of a life lived for Jesus.

Candy Crush Madness

2 Comments / December 15, 2013 December 15, 2013

It all started with an innocent question asked by a friend.

“Do you play Candy Crush?”

I don’t like to waste a lot of time playing iPad games, but I do enjoy a half hour in the evening to wind down and I was in need of something new and fresh. I thought I’d check into it.

At first, I sailed through the levels, enjoying the challenge of moving the little candies into rows of three. It reminded me of the original Bejeweled game, which I loved and no longer exists (to my knowledge). And so, about a week ago, Candy Crush became my game of choice.

As I moved up in levels, it became increasingly harder to pass. And if you failed so many times, a message would pop up, telling you that you would have to wait for so many minutes before playing again.

But, lo and behold, this could be avoided by paying for extra lives. Or extra treats to help beat the levels. Only $.99.

Now, I like to play games but I’ll be darned if I am paying anything to beat a level. That seems almost dumber than gambling. At least in gambling there is a slight chance to come away with more than what you put in. Apparently there are plenty of people who do pay, however. A website claims that Candy Crush makers rake in almost a million per day from people who pay to play.

So, if I wasn’t going to pay, how was I going to beat this thing? Well, at first I figured out that if I changed the date on my iPad, I could continue playing. It would fool the game into thinking that my “Life” stash was full again. Great. Now I could just play.

But, alas, I got to a very, very difficult level. I just kept playing and playing the same board, all the while telling myself how utterly ridiculous I was to waste time on this. But, finally, I passed that level and then went onto the next level. I passed that one after only a few tries.

And then I got to one that truly appeared impossible.

I kept playing and playing and the screen, offering the little treats for only $.99 became more and more appealing. Just once wouldn’t hurt, right?

Failed again.

Surely, I can get this. I continued to waste time trying to beat a level that I am still not sure it was even possible to beat without paying anything.

And then I realized something.

I had been fully sucked in. And I decided to escape while I still could. (How in the world would I explain Candy Crush charges to my husband??)

And, so I exited the game, deleted it from my iPad, and chose to move on with a more productive use of my time.

But my time spent on that game showed me one thing.

It showed me just how we get sucked in to sinful habits.

You see, at first it doesn’t cost much. There is a great deal of satisfaction and no payment–

~One cocktail or beer relaxes us and helps with our conversation skills.

~A few minutes looking or listening or thinking about something ungodly doesn’t seem to hurt a thing and gratifies something fleshly inside of us.

~A few minutes at a gaming table is all great fun.

~An evening spent playing video games is a fun evening with friends.

~Eating a pastry that is loaded with calories just melts in your mouth.

That first taste doesn’t cost us anything and the rewards are great. But, if we aren’t careful–if we aren’t self-controlled–we can get caught up in the rewards and we need more and more to yield the same feelings of satisfaction. That is what addiction is and it can happen with almost anything.

I think it is clear that there isn’t any sin in having a drink or a delicious pastry. There is no sin in spending the evening playing video games (if it is a video game that is not dishonoring to God in any way). But if we become compelled to have more and more, we will get caught in a web that becomes almost impossible to escape from.

Self-Control. A highly under-rated character trait that has almost disappeared from our world. I can tell you that it is one that I struggle with daily.

But if we don’t cultivate self-control in our lives–if we aren’t even aware of the battle– we will, at the very least, end up wasting our time on unimportant, trivial things, or, at the worst, end up destroying our family, our health, or our very lives.

And, so it is good-bye to Candy Crush for me. It is so not worth it. Glad I found out before I wasted too many of the few precious hours that make up my life. Now…to apply that same philosophy to a few other areas of my life that need some work!

The Missing Piece

6 Comments / December 8, 2013 December 8, 2013

So I realized something today. One of the reasons I have felt so uninspired in my blog post writing recently is because I have been so worried about offending people. I think I was, unconsiously, trying to gain a bigger readership and found myself avoiding subjects that would cause Christians to squirm. You see, I had become aware of the fact that my most popular posts were/are the “feel good” posts. The posts about God working and providing. The posts about love. The posts about missions and outreach and caring for others.

And don’t get me wrong. Those posts are important. But that is only half of the Christian life. And sometimes we have to hear the hard stuff.

And one of those hard things is something that, seemingly, no Christian wants to even talk about. It’s so much a part of our way of life these days that this has become a non-issue for many believers. And yet it is rendering many of us completely ineffective in our witnesses to the world.

So what is it?

Let me give you a hint: the main river of this flows from Hollywood.

Yep. You guessed it. It is what the world calls “Entertainment”.

The problem here isn’t really what the world is entertained by. Obviously, the world is not living by the same book we are.

No, the great worry for me is that Christians are watching it, enjoying it, and, even worse yet, not seeing anything wrong with it.

How incredibly grieved God must be.

This post is the result of a conversation I had with one of my children regarding a recent gathering she had with her friends. I do not want to give details because it is not my information to offer, but suffice it to say that these kids who are filling their heads with garbage are now starting to live it and see nothing wrong with it.

You think that filling your mind with pictures of adultery and fornication and naked, writhing bodies doesn’t affect you? You think seeing people shoot another human without blinking doesn’t affect you? You think that hearing God’s name in vain and the F-word a thousand times in one film doesn’t affect you?

Well, I think you’re naive.

It does affect you. I know this because of how hardened the hearts of Christians have become to sin, as evidenced by this group of “Christian” young people who have now started acting upon what they see and thinking it is all a big joke.

And my question is WHY? Why is this even a conversation among Christians? Why is the choice to practice discernment in this area so abnormal? Why do Christians get so much flack and criticism from other Christians when they choose to practice purity in this area of their lives?

We know FOR A FACT that God hates all sexual sin (I Corinthians 6:18), violence (Psalm 11:5), coarse and crude language, lying (Colossians 3:6-9), drunkenness, and witchcraft of any type (Galatians 5:19-21).

And, yet, on any given evening, many Christians are watching shows and movies that not only contain these things that grieve the heart of God, but are filled with them.

Oh, some of the plots are good — I’ll give you that. Satan is not stupid. Of course, they have to be good. It helps to draw you in. But is a good plot worth the sacrifice of grieving our heavenly father?

It’s just not.

So, I guess my question is this: How much do we really love God?

Do we love Him enough to sacrifice our favorite TV show?

Do we love Him enough to say no to a movie, even though all of our friends are going?

Do we love Him enough to pass by that very popular video game that is all about violence or that bestseller that is based on the principles of witchcraft?

Does our love run that deep for our Savior?

Yes, true Christianity is about love and caring for the needy. But it’s also about being different. It’s about being a light in a very, very dark world.

Maybe our addiction to worldly entertainment is the thing that has kept us from a close walk with the Lord. Maybe our decision to “join in the fun” drinking, partying, and living it up is what’s keeping our friend from knowing Jesus and having eternal life. Maybe our choice to fill our minds with things that grieve our God is the missing piece of the puzzle that keeps us from peace and joy in the Christian life.

Please, this is too important to ignore or to shrug off. If Satan can render you ineffective he has done his job. Don’t let that happen!

Announcing a Change

8 Comments / December 2, 2013 December 2, 2013

Well, after giving it much thought, I have made a decision.

I love, love, love to write here at Growing4Life. I love my readers and I love to write about God and life and family from a biblical viewpoint. I never run out of ideas.

But lately, I have felt rather uninspired. And repetitive. And even a bit boring at times.

I think it has been because I feel rather locked in to a particular type of writing here.

And I realized that now might be a good time to stretch myself. To take a tentative step forward into a different world of writing. For awhile now, I have been working on a novel. For years I have had thoughts for a few nonfiction books rolling around in my head. And I would love to give some effort to writing some web or magazine articles.

Even by writing the above sentences, I feel fear. What if I am not good enough? What if I fail? What if I get distracted?

This is what has kept me from trying in the first place, quite honestly.

But I have to at least try. I will never forgive myself if I don’t at least try to become an “official” author.

Meanwhile, I will still write here. But probably only a few times each month.

For those of you who have followed this blog faithfully and encouraged me along the way, I hope you will continue to do so. You have been a source of strength and encouragement to my soul. When I was uncertain if I could even write at all, you kept me going. Thank you can’t even begin to express what I feel.

And so, that is it. Nothing too terribly exciting, but I did want to let you know.