Discernment – Page 37 – Growing 4 Life

The Amish Boy and the Cigarettes

14 Comments / September 19, 2011 August 12, 2019

I didn’t even notice him at first. I was standing in line with my Wawa coffee and peanut butter pretzels. It was about 8:30pm on a Sunday night and we had stopped on our way home from the beach to stretch our legs. Ahead of me in the line was the boy. He was about 18 or 19 years old. He wore black pants, suspenders, and a royal blue shirt. His blonde hair was cut in the typical bowl-cut style used by the Amish. Nothing unusual about him. As he got to the counter, I remember thinking that he had nothing in his hand to buy, which caused me to ponder, as it was highly unlikely that an Amish boy was going to buy gasoline. So I watched. I did not have to watch long. I heard him mumble something that the clerk apparently understood. The clerk reached for a pack of Camels and laid them on the counter. The boy, a little sheepishly, gave him the money and walked away. As I watched the whole thing unfold, I thought about the absolute incongruity of the whole situation. Here was a boy who is part of the Amish church. This church is famously known for its policy of keeping separate from the world–down to its horse-driven plows and their favorite mode of transportation, the horse and buggies (because engines are worldly). They only use gas lights (because electricity is worldly) and use no modern-day conveniences within their homes. And yet he was buying cigarettes.

Now, of course, you can’t live anywhere near an Amish community, without knowing their tradition of “rumm-shpringa”, where boys and girls sow their wild oats for a period of time in their late adolescence. This is often celebrated by drinking and dancing parties. And I guess cigarettes, as well. I confess I have never understood how such a tradition could have ever started and seeing it in action has given me no more insight.

But it did make me wonder. How many things do we Christians do that are so incongruous to what our Lord stands for? Over history Christians did not drink, go to the movies, gamble, swear, or dance. They wouldn’t dream of wearing immodest clothing, much less a bikini. Christians went to church on Sunday mornings. The world recognized this “portrait” of a Christian. That was part of how you could tell if someone was a Christian. Of course, not everyone who behaved in this traditional way was an actual true believer. There were many hypocrites. So much so, that,about 25 years ago, we decided to throw the baby out with the bathwater and decide that God only cares about the heart and we can do whatever we want (although I am not sure what it says about our heart if we desire to do so many of these worldly things…just sayin’). This is the latest thing, is it not? Rationalizing our gambling, our R-rated movies, our swearing, our school dances, and our bikinis. Actually the tide has turned so much that there isn’t much rationalizing going on anymore. Most of the things in that list are already accepted as okay for believers to do.

And how it must break God’s heart. Nowhere in God’s Word is there any indication that we should ever sacrifice our personal holiness to reach the world. In fact, I would say that the whole philosophy has back-fired and we aren’t reaching much of anyone. The people who are reached are those who just want fire insurance. The opportunity to do what they want while “knowing” they will end up in the “good” place for eternity instead of the “bad” place. But salvation that doesn’t include personal holiness isn’t salvation at all.

Of course, there are some new Christians who struggle as they learn God’s Word. They struggle learning what is acceptable in God’s sight. But our Christian culture has gone so far down into a pit, that I truly find myself wondering what exactly would be the description by most Christians of “worldly”. If James tells us to remain unspotted from the world (James 1:27) can someone explain exactly what he means in light of our current “Christian” standards? If we are to be separate (2 Corinthians 6), how is this accomplished exactly? John 15:19 goes so far as to say we will be hated by the world, because the world loves its own.

Wow. This was not really the direction I was headed when I started writing about that poor, pathetic Amish boy. The boy who has “permission” from his “Church” to do and behave in whatever way he wants for a short period of time. Seeing this tradition in action makes me realize how silly we Christians look in our worldly actions. Claiming to love a Holy God, and being anything but holy in our behavior. It is utterly incongruous and quite sobering, indeed.

Be careful…your character is showing.

1 Comment / September 12, 2011 September 12, 2011

The two boys walked lackadaisically across the street. I waited in my car. Watching them. They both looked unaffected by the fact that a 4500 pound piece of metal on wheels could be used as a weapon with the wrong driver. They looked unaffected by much of anything, actually. I suppose that no one ever told these boys that jay-walking is illegal (in other words: wrong). I guess no one had told these boys that walking slowly and lazily across an intersection- even at a crosswalk- is not only selfish and unkind to the motorists waiting for you, but perhaps a little dangerous, as well. From all appearances, these boys did not feel any responsibility to walk faster. In fact, I am quite certain they were completely wrapped up in their own world and cared about no one but themselves.

I can’t help but contrast these boys to the heroic video showed last night in honor of the tenth anniversary of 9-11. The day that is forever etched in many of our minds. Hundreds of human beings stepped way outside of their selfish box. They stepped up to meet the needs of people they did not even know. For hours. And then for days. They searched and dug by bucketfuls through the dust and the rubble. Looking for both the living and the dead. One firemen talked about his dread of doing that work each morning. But he did it. Because it was what he had to do. Often, character and strength will show up in situations like that. Adrenalin moves in and humans do what needs to be done. It is what a hero is made of. I believe I know many heroes. Men and women who would not hesitate to do what’s right in the midst of a crisis. And I am thankful and proud to know them.

But, let’s face it–it is the daily grind where our real character shines through. It is our daily decisions that show who we really are. Our lives are not shaped by a heroic moment or two. They are shaped by each and every decision. It is so very difficult to do the right thing when there is no one watching. It is difficult to do the right thing when the decision (we believe) will affect no one but us. It is difficult to make the right choice when our parents or our spouse or even our children aren’t there to question us.

Whether it is something as small as lazily walking across the road and forcing people to wait for you or as big as landing in prison for selling drugs, they both show a selfish character. A character that says “I am going to do what I want!”, without care for anyone else. Most of us stay within the “acceptable” social guidelines of selfish. There are hundreds of different, very socially, acceptable ways to be selfish in this culture. But it is still selfish. No matter what the culture says.

As you walk through your day, think about each decision you make…and why you are making that decision. Let’s examine ourselves today. Let’s live beyond the status quo.

2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified.

P.S. God just showed me…like, literally right now, just how selfish I am. As I poured a cup of coffee and had a conversation with my daughter, it quickly turned into a mild argument…because I was being selfish. I may not like this “examine yourself” stuff!

Declaring who you are

1 Comment / September 8, 2011 September 8, 2011

My friend and I tried not to stare at the person in front of us. We had spent a few minutes looking at our menus and this “person” came to wait on us. The problem was we had no idea if it was a boy or a girl. There were so many different clues, declaring both to be true, that we found it impossible to tell. After the person took our order and left our table, we spent a few moments discussing it quietly…sharing the clues each of us had picked up on. There was an “I Love Boys” bracelet. But there was no bra…or anything to fill one. There was the high-pitched voice. But there was the short, cropped hair. We tried to solve this puzzle all through lunch and we just never did. We both left that restaurant still wondering if we were served by a boy or a girl.

This made me wonder…do we make people wonder about our Christianity? When they search for obvious clues can they find them? Or are we confusing people with our signs, so that many people shake their heads and never do really figure out if we are Christians?

She goes to the food bank on Saturdays. But she dresses unseemly and immodestly throughout the week. She goes to church on Sunday. But she was at the bar the night before. He plays in the worship band. But he has an ongoing, angry argument with a family member. He would give you the shirt off of his back. But his language is worse than most truckers.

We are confusing people with our wobbly stance on worldliness and sin. Sure, we all sin. We all make mistakes. But habitual sin and worldliness brings not only heartache for us, but confusion and bewilderment to the unbelievers who are watching us. Are they a Christian? Aren’t they a Christian? Are we sending mixed messages?

I can’t help but wonder if that person who waited on us is happy? I have no idea about the personality or background of this person. Why he OR she chose to live in the middle…somewhere between man and woman. But I do know that straddling ourselves between two opposite sides is a painful, tense place to be.

Let’s declare our Christianity and then make sure our actions match that declaration. Let’s live for the Lord and cast our own worldly desires aside…so that when someone is watching us, we can be certain they will say, “there goes a Christian.”

Forming a Life

1 Comment / August 25, 2011 August 25, 2011

Little did he realize that when he took that first shot of vodka, he would be forming his future life. He was simply out partying. He wanted to have a good time. Nothing wrong with that. But 20 years later he is an alcoholic. Drinking, cigarettes, and gambling are all known for their addictive qualities but let’s think about some other areas in which we develop bad habits and haven’t even given it a thought–

How about spending money? You use a credit card for a purchase and think–“wow. that was easy.” And so you do it again. And again. Buying stuff you do not need. Stuff you could live without. But it is so easy. And then the bill comes and there is that momentary feeling of uneasiness. But you pay the minimum and then you just keep charging to a credit card that you can’t pay. Stuck in the cycle of credit card billing. Never paying it off. Forming a life of debt.

Or how about with what you eat or drink? Perhaps you find yourself drinking 2 or 3 sodas every day. It isn’t until you decide to kick the habit that you realize the hold that soda (or chocolate…or you fill in the blank) has on you. And your body is starting to rebel. You are gaining weight. You are not feeling well. You are achy. You are tired. You are fueling your body with something it wasn’t ever meant to be fueled with and now you are paying for that decision. Forming a life of indulgence (the opposite of self-control).

Maybe one evening you were so tired, that you just fell in front of the TV to veg. Before you know it, that is what you do every evening. You have wasted thousands of hours vegging in front of an electronic box. Forming a life of laziness.

You see, your life is not formed by the big moments, but by the little moments. Who you are depends on those little decisions you make each and every day.

But the exciting news is that if you are alive, it is not too late to change! And change comes with every little decision. So instead of finding yourself locked in the same pattern…one day, you choose, instead, to–

-walk away from those really cute shoes.

-drink water.

-turn the tv off and read a story to your kids.

And then you continue that same pattern the next day…and the next day…and before you know it, you have made a positive change in your life!

I am personally working on kicking a sugar habit right now. I did not realize just how badly I fueled my body until I was feeling it in a multitude of ways. I am working at making those small decisions to make my life healthier, and consequently, more productive for God’s purposes.

We can never give in to Satan’s lie that it is impossible to change. If we are God’s child and have been saved by His grace, it is NOT impossible to change. God is bigger than my bad habit. Isn’t that good news?

So what little change will you make today?

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

Things I wish I would’ve known when I was 20

2 Comments / August 1, 2011 October 28, 2014

I was thinking the other day of some of the things that, had I known them when I was 20, would have made life much more enjoyable. Here are some of the things I would tell my naive 20 year old self, if it was possible-

1. Let it roll. If someone says something that offends you or doesn’t buy you a gift (even though you bought them one) or steals your boyfriend or simply says something that just irritates you just let it roll. Because life is just too short for grudges.

2. The greatest personal satisfaction comes from giving–not getting.

3. You are not overweight! Just because you don’t look like a magazine cover or a movie star doesn’t mean you are overweight. Appreciate the body you have now, because it won’t last.

4. Stepping out of your comfort zone will often yield incredible rewards.

5. Appreciate your parents. They have given more of themselves than you could ever realize. Don’t take that for granted. Don’t be so wrapped up in your own affairs that you forget they have feelings, too.

6. Expect good times less often. Appreciate them much more.

7. Don’t assume you know why someone is acting or reacting in a certain way. It is hard enough to understand your own motives, much less someone else’s.

8. Face your fears head-on!

9. You don’t need a loan to buy a car or a piece of furniture. Live on what you make.

10. Just because someone tells you your nose is too big or your feet are too small, doesn’t mean its true. Find your worth in Jesus Christ, not in the opinions of others.

11. Money doesn’t make you happy.

12. Don’t dwell on your fears and worrisome details of life. Figure it out as best you can, do what you can to resolve the problem, pray hard, and then think about something else.

13. You will blink and life will be half over. Savor every single moment of it.

This list certainly isn’t exhaustive. Feel free to comment below and add some of the things you wish you would have known!

Crossing Hadrian’s Wall

Leave a Comment / July 28, 2011 July 28, 2011

Who we are sometimes changes depending upon where we are. Let me explain. The other night I was watching a movie about a Roman soldier in Britannia and his slave boy, Esca, from the North. Marcus was the confident, perhaps even arrogant, slave owner. But when a mission crossed them over Hadrian’s Wall into enemy territory…the homeland of the slave boy…things changed. When found by a rival tribe, the slave boy became the slave owner. The slave owner became the slave. But through everything, the slave boy’s loyalty remained pure and true to his owner. At that point, he could’ve run away. But he didn’t.

While Esca was in Roman Britannia, he was a slave. There wasn’t a question, there wasn’t an option, it was who he was. While in difficult times, I easily remember that I am a slave of Jesus Christ. I don’t question it, but cry out to Him for wisdom, for grace, for mercy. I find comfort in being a slave…of knowing my future lies in the hands of my Slave Owner.

While Esca was in his homeland, he had an option. He could have chosen to be the leader, the slave owner, or, at the very least, he could have chosen to be free. I would like to put forth here that his homeland is a little like our everyday, modern America.

Most of us make a choice on whether or not we will be Christ’s slave each day. We have that choice because we are well-fed and clothed, with homes full of stuff. Many of us are surrounded by family and friends who love us. The resources in this country seem unlimited. We have everything we could ever need and many of us have forged a path towards living out our dreams. But what all this does is put us in charge. Because we don’t really need God. We can live our daily lives, call ourselves Christians, and have days go by without ever giving thought to God’s will for us. We aren’t praying for wisdom or direction…but we are praying like we are the slave owner…”Lord, give me this” or “Lord, I really need that.”

As I write this, I see this tendency in my own life. The natural bent towards wanting to run “me”, instead of submitting to the will of my Heavenly Father. May we, instead, be like Esca–making the choice to be a slave each and every day. May we remain loyal to our Slave Owner, even in a land where we have the option to make a choice.

When right feels wrong

Leave a Comment / June 27, 2011 June 27, 2011

It is so much easier to do the right thing if our percentages for a positive outcome increase. For example, drinking and driving leads to a much greater chance of an accident…succumbing to a fit of anger leads to strife within your family…stealing could lead to an arrest and jail time.

But…it gets a little harder to do the right thing when the percentages for a positive outcome look a little fuzzy…or even downright nonexistent. What happens then? When you have a friend who is living in sin, do you confront them in love, like the Bible tells us to? Or what about a child who says they will “hate” you if you don’t let them do “X”? Do you stand up for what’s right, even in the face of that heart-breaking statement?

You see, when we choose to do what’s right, we do not always have instant gratification. We do not always see the benefit of that right away. And, frankly, sometimes we never see the benefits.

Many, many years ago, I watched someone confront someone about something that was sinful in their life. It was done with love and grace. But it didn’t really matter…because that person’s heart was hard. And the relationship between them was affected permanently. To my knowledge, it was never restored. So, did the person who did the confronting do the right thing? Yep. Did they have a positive outcome? Nope.

But sometimes you just have to wait for awhile to see the positive outcome. Like, take me, for instance. I have written in journals since I was in 6th grade. One day, while dealing with my own teenagers, I decided to read over what I had written as a teenager. What I found there was surprising. I did not remember the anger…true anger…I felt towards my parents when I was not allowed to do certain things. The anger was shocking! But here I was, 30+ years later, and it had all faded. The only feeling that was left in me was deep appreciation and a grateful heart for my parents’ solid commitment to be obedient to the Lord above all.

So often we find ourselves caving in to the “possible outcomes” instead of doing the right thing. We think through all of the possibilities. And then we grow scared. And we do nothing. But, in the long run, we pay. That friendship you are guarding will grow weaker as you and your friend travel in different directions. That child, who is crying out for boundaries (no matter what their mouth is saying), will often walk away from God, figuring it just doesn’t matter.

But not everything needs a conversation, either. After much experience, I have learned to speak up with much more hesitation and discernment. Let’s be honest–some things…many things…are not worthy to be confronted. And many people who are outside your intimate circle have no interest in listening to you (unless you are their pastor or another spiritual leader). We need to be wise!

If we determine that we need to take the step for a conversation, here are a few other questions to ask that are helpful: Is the sin I see habitual? Is the person committing the sin truly committed to the Lord? Will this sin destroy their life if they continue on in this path?

Doing the right thing is not always easy. In fact, it is often the opposite. But we need to strive to do the right thing in all circumstances. Not just when we can rely on positive results. Easier said than done.

2 Thessalonians 3:13 But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good. ¹⁴ And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. ¹⁵ Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

God isn’t surprised.

2 Comments / May 23, 2011 October 12, 2014

The other night our family was on the back porch on a lovely evening. We were talking about something. I can’t even remember what it was. But our whole family was surprised about a decision someone had made or something someone had said when out of the darkness we heard a small voice say, “God isn’t surprised.” Some of the wisest statements come from 12 year olds sometimes.

God isn’t surprised. So simple and yet so profound. God knows everything you and I will think–do–speak–accomplish–or not accomplish while we live on this earth. He knows when we will leave this earth. He knows absolutely everything about us and about everyone else. So nothing surprises Him.

The cancer is not a surprise. The car accident is not a surprise. The betrayal of a friend is not a surprise. The lost job is not a surprise. The tornado, the tsunami, and the flood–none of these surprise God.

I know we all “know” this. But have you ever thought about what this means? It means that God is in control. God is Sovereign. And if we believe what the Bible says–that God loves us–then we can rest in His will for our lives. It will not always be pleasant. It will not always be easy. But we can trust Him. We have to trust Him. What else is there? What else is there for us to grab hold of?

We have a choice to make every day. We can respond to the trials of life, be them great or small, by trusting our Heavenly Father or we can grow bitter and angry. It is a choice. God will not force you into His will.

I would like to leave you with something that was written by Octavius Winslow from a book entitled Soul Heights and Soul Depths (1841)–

The royal path to glory is a divine mosaic paved with stones of diverse lines. Today, it is a depth almost soundless; tomorrow a height almost scaleless. Now, a shadow drapes the picture, somber and rayless; then, a light illumines the camera, brilliant and gladsome. Here, the “song” is of mercy, sweet and entrancing; there, it is of judgment, sad and mournful. “When men are cast down, then you shall say There is lifting up.” But, a divine Hand, veiled and invisible to all but faith’s eye, shapes and directs the whole; and, assured of this, the believing soul is trustful and calm. “He led them about, He instructed them,” was the history of the Church in the wilderness; and each stage was a school, each condition a blessing, each event a lesson learned, and a new beatitude experienced, –learned and experienced as no other. Variety, rich and endless, is stamped upon all God’s works and operations; not less is this seen in the circuitous path by which He is leading His people home to Himself. It is this ever-dissolving, ever shifting scenery of the Christian’s life that unfold new views of God’s character, and brings him into a closer acquaintance with His own.

“It makes sense, if you don’t think about it”

1 Comment / May 12, 2011 May 12, 2011

I heard this in a movie once. It made me laugh. But it also made me wonder. How many of us live life like that? Just having the perspective that was handed down to us by our grandparents and parents. Never stopping to think if that perspective is in line with God’s perspective.

When my husband was just out of college, he got a job in a machine shop over the winters. Working there was a guy who had a real chip on his shoulder about the owners. They were thoughtless, careless people who didn’t give a rip about him. Any new plan they put into place was viewed with suspicion. Everything new was bad. And, yet, we knew, that wasn’t the case. This man had grown up thinking the boss was always bad. Perhaps his dad or his grandfather really did have an evil boss who took advantage of his employees. Who knows?

Ironically enough, this man’s son came to work for us. And guess what? He, too, came with the same large chip on his shoulder. I will never forget the time we tried to put a matching and fully voluntary IRA in place as a benefit for our employees. He thought that somehow we were trying to take advantage of him and take something from him. He refused to participate for years, because of his fear that we were out to get him.

He never stopped to truly think about it. To truly understand that there was no possible way the company could be taking advantage of him by giving him a matching IRA. In his mind, he could not comprehend that owners would ever want to do something nice for their employees.

We can judge these guys I have talked about, but you know what? We do it, too, don’t we? We have assumptions and perspectives that we never stop to think about. We go along in our lives daily and just assume them. As I already said, some of them come from our heritage. But some of them we have made up along the way.

Perhaps someone said something in an irritating or angry way a time or two and you made an assumption about them that will never leave you. Even if that person is aware of that sin and is working on it, people like you and I do not make it very easy on them. We continue to hold it over them, remembering one or two (or a thousand) moments when they have hurt us.

But I am not really sure that we are to live like this. Wouldn’t it be better, for peace and unity, to examine our perspectives from time to time and figure out if they are truly a godly perspective or just something that was handed down to us or perhaps developed from our past experiences?

And perhaps-if we really stop and think- we may even realize that the Christian brother or sister that isn’t quite like us is a really nice person. Or perhaps we might realize that our supervisor is filled with anxiety over some issues outside the office or that our professor has a child in the hospital.

Of course, sometimes, we will reach the conclusion–the boss is really out to get me. That Christian sister or brother really doesn’t like me. That salesman really likes himself. But that does not mean all bosses are out to get me. Or that all churches are filled with hate and dislike. Or that all salesmen really like themselves. We cannot make assumptions like that.

Let’s live our lives, instead, by the motto “it makes sense, if you DO think about it.”

Not all Muslims are Terrorists

Leave a Comment / May 5, 2011 May 5, 2011

So, imagine with me, if you will…It is September, 2000, and you are a man who wants better opportunities for his family. You were born in an Islamic country that provides few opportunities. And, so, with excitement you decide to pack up your family and move to America–the land of opportunity! Things go pretty well for a year…until that fateful day. September 11, 2001. Suddenly, you and your family become the “enemy”. You love your new country and you despise what happened. And, yet, somehow you are labeled and branded.

The same thing happened in this country in World War II with the Germans and the Japanese who lived here. Suddenly, innocent people who had moved here years ago and had proven themselves wonderful neighbors and friends were viewed with suspicion and fear.

The purpose of this blog is not to discuss immigration law and it is not to discuss the Muslim religion. What I want to think about for a moment is the individual Muslim.

The individual who is hopelessly following a man-made religion that their fathers, grandfathers, and great-grandfathers followed before them. They are trying to please a god that cannot be pleased and working frantically to get to heaven through their good deeds. But most of these lost souls are not our enemies. They are just people trying to work their way to heaven, just like many other people in your neighborhood.

If we are to go to all ends of the earth to tell the world about Jesus (Matthew 28:19-20), then we need to approach all races and people groups with love and the good news of Jesus Christ…not with hate and fear. Imagine how often Satan has used hate and fear among Christians to shut them up through the centuries! But perfect love casts out fear. (I John 4:18).

My fellow believers in Christ, we cannot afford to allow hate and fear to grow in our hearts. If God provides an opportunity for you to share the good news with someone, do so with love and boldness…no matter their religion or race. And let us remember that NOTHING good comes from hate and fear.