Struggles – Page 35 – Growing 4 Life

On love and respect…and tone of voice

1 Comment / May 26, 2011 May 26, 2011

The other day, as I was shopping in the store, I heard a woman’s voice say, “You bring too much junk food into the house. You have to stop it”. Or something like that. But her TONE of voice said “You stupid idiot, what is wrong with you?! ” I turned to see who she was speaking to and found an older couple. The woman was speaking in this condescending, holier-than-thou, tone to her husband, who was shuffling behind her with his head down. What is wrong with this picture? This is one of many times I have seen a person treat someone who should be…at one time probably was…the love of their life with condescension and unkindness.

Have you ever seen spouses treat each other like this? Have you ever treated your spouse like this? I know I have. I recognized the tone of voice the woman was using, because, sadly, I have used it on occasion. But if we get in the habit of treating our spouse this way, we are essentially adding bricks to a wall that will grow taller and stronger with each incident. And, if we are not careful, it will end up casting a dark shadow over the relationship, eventually drowning out the light. We need to constantly be on guard against treating our spouses in this way.

And this goes for your private moments, too–just because you are a model wife or husband in public does not mean you are treating them with love and respect at home. Many is the couple who look so happy on the outside, but their true relationship is quite the opposite. And, oftentimes, the breakdown in these relationships started when we stopped treating one another with respect and kindness.

The other day, I came across a couple I had never met. The woman had to leave for a moment and the husband proceeded to spout off several unkind remarks about his wife, then rolled his eyes when he told me they had been married 50 years. I got the impression that he felt like the last 50 years had been a mild form of torture. The only thing that made him light up was when I asked about his grandkids. When the woman returned, she gave me the impression that she was unpleasant and bossy. From the outside, it looks as if this couple has lost all respect and love for one another. It was heart-breaking. I wonder if all of those years of treating one another with disrespect and unkindness had changed a couple who had pledged to love one another for eternity to two people that couldn’t stand one another?

If this is something you struggle with (and, if we are honest, many of us do, at least on occasion), why not sit down and have a heart to heart with your spouse and ask them if they feel like they are loved and respected? And, if not, why not? Find out if your words have degraded them…discouraged them…disheartened them. And if they work up the courage to be completely honest with you, do not make excuses. Do not grow defensive. Listen carefully. Apologize.

Treat your spouse with love and respect. Honor them. Be grateful for the way God made them. Remember why you fell in love. And, in the process, let’s be a shining example of marriage as God created it. Let’s show the world that it is possible to be in love for a lifetime!

Ephesians 5:22-33

In a Heartbeat

Leave a Comment / December 27, 2010 December 27, 2010

I can’t help but remember that last year at this time my uncle was rushed to the hospital after a tragic accident. By the end of January, he was with the Lord. I know of another woman who lost her battle with cancer this year. And several others who are fighting the battle of their lives against the “C” enemy. This time each year, I can’t help but look around me and thank the Lord for granting me another year to spend with my family and friends that are still here on earth. Because life can change. In a heartbeat.

I think we so often get caught up in the things that irritate us about those we love. Or maybe we focus on the political or spiritual disagreements we have with others. But, if we stop and think for just a moment…we realize that if that person wasn’t with us next year, we would miss them dreadfully. We need to remember to be thankful for the people in our lives. Because life can change. In a heartbeat.

Instead, we so often let things fester. Ephesians 4:26 says not to let the sun go down upon your wrath. How many of us obey that command from scripture and never go to bed angry? How many of us would rather hold on to our pride than heal a relationship? Or how many of us speak before thinking and say something unkind, not thinking of the hurt we are inflicting? Why do we make such a big deal out of the little things? What if that person was no longer here? Think of how ridiculous you would feel about holding such stupid grudges.

You see, we only live once. And life is too short to hold grudges and have broken relationships. The holidays are a time for family. And lots of times families are the ones who irritate us the most. But I encourage you to let the annoying things roll right off of your back– don’t hang onto them. Yes, this can sometimes be hard to do. But as you practice it more and more it will become easier. Instead, turn your thoughts towards the good things. The love that you have. What you have in common. The way that person has been a blessing to you. Because life is short. And life changes. In a heartbeat.

Psalm 104:14-16 As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more.

My Personal Battle

1 Comment / December 9, 2010 December 9, 2010

I am at war. With food. This battle has raged for most of my adult life but has taken on extra intensity as I have approached middle age. TVs, movies, magazines, and websites are filled with gorgeous, shapely women who are without an extra pound of fat anywhere on their bodies. We are bombarded by articles and commercials on how to lose weight. There is an unspoken rule in our culture that to be beautiful you must be thin. This time of year we are bombarded with a variety of mixed message because food plays such an important role in our holiday celebrations. We see tons of TV shows and articles with recipes and directions for making delicious, high calorie food and then are told how not to eat it.

In the recent years, there has been much more of an emphasis on healthy living versus dieting, and I think that is a great trend. Because, after all, isn’t that so much more important? Can we truly live our best if we are out of breath when we climb the stairs? Or if we have to spend our money on medications that treat diseases we could avoid by being at a healthy weight?

So what does the scripture say about food? Are cookies and cake evil? Are we commanded to spend an inordinate amount of time on working out and eating right? What is the balance? I found a few verses and I want to be very careful not to take them out of context. But I think there are a few basic principles we can glean from these verses:

1.) Overeating is sinful. To eat more than we need is not only unhealthy but it is sinful. When we eat more than our bodies require, we are gluttons. I only give one example below, but God uses drunkards and gluttons in the same sentence more than once in Proverbs. I don’t know about you, but I find this very convicting. Often is the time I have reached for that extra cookie or snack when I wasn’t the least bit hungry. That is a sin?? I believe the Bible says it is.

Do not mix with winebibbers, or with gluttonous eaters of meat; For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe a man with rags. (Proverbs 23:20-21)

2) There are not “good” foods or “bad” foods. I know this will be a huge source of contention with some of you who read this. But, I think there are several scripture passages that confirm this. It is not so much about what we eat, as it is about how much we eat of it. Now, to clarify, there is an over-consumption of highly processed, high-sugar, refined products in our culture that render little, if any, nutritional benefits. Perhaps if there are any foods that could be labeled “bad”, it would be these. Partaking of these occasionally is not going to ruin your health. Partaking of these on a daily basis will. We are required to be good stewards of our body. We need to take responsibility and not live in default mode. We need to eat a variety of all kinds of food. And, yes, contrary to what may be popular belief, God did create sugar cane. And He knew that a woman somewhere in history would create a pie…cookies…cake. These things aren’t wrong in and of themselves. It is in the over-consumption of them that we move into the realm of sin.

But food does not commend us to God; for neither if we eat are we the better, nor if we do not eat are we the worse. (I Corinthians 8:8)

3) The battle I wage with food distracts me from my spiritual walk. When I focus too much on food–which is shown when I am gluttonous and spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about what I will eat OR when I count every single calorie and obsess about everything I put in my mouth and spend hours working out– I am not able to focus on the things that really matter. The bottom line is that God put food on this earth to sustain us and for us to enjoy in the proper balance. When that balance is tipped one way or the other, I move into an area where it distracts me from my true purpose on this earth.

Then He said to His disciples, “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; nor about the body, what you will put on. Life is more than food, and the body is more than clothing. (Luke 12:22-23)

This battle has raged on inside my head for many years. Most women (and men, too) naturally gain some weight around their middles during middle age. Is this sinful? Or is this how God created our bodies to be? I don’t really know the answer to this. I do know, however, that I have a responsibility to keep my body in tip-top shape to the best of my ability…not so I can meet worldly standards, but so I can maximize the amount of time I have on the earth to glorify God and spread the Gospel. But I have to admit…I look forward to not having to worry about it in Heaven! While here on earth, I know I will always find food a source of temptation. But I also know that in this weakness, God can show HIS strength.

GPS vs. the Map

Leave a Comment / October 28, 2010 August 10, 2016

We were on our way to the beach. Attached to our truck was our 5th wheel camper. My husband decided to go a different way he had heard about from one of his customers–supposedly a more scenic route. We had traveled it twice before but were not really all that familiar with it. We did not have a map along. We had a GPS along. He figured he could figure it out with the little machine that talks.

Wrong.

As we turned off of our much traveled path, I expressed my hesitancy. I was comforted by his assurances that he would definitely be able to figure it out. However, as we traveled along the road, the landmarks became increasingly unfamiliar. We were drawn further and further into major suburbia– not the place you want to be with a 5th wheel attached to your truck!

The problem came when the GPS did not have the same directions in mind that my husband did. The GPS did not know we had a camper attached and was taking us through areas we did not really want to go; areas in which it was extremely difficult to maneuver with a camper attached to you.

Finally, we stopped and bought a map and tried to figure it out. In the meantime, it started to rain–and not just a few drops. It was a downpour of the most severe kind–the kind of rain that it’s hard enough to get where you need to go when you know where you’re going, much less when you have no idea where you are going! Put a couple of kids in the backseat with their accompanying comments, and you can start to imagine the situation. It was not good. (And we didn’t handle it real well…but we won’t discuss that here!)

We did eventually figure it out. After we had crossed the bridge over the Delaware River into familiar territory, I took a close look at the map to see where we had gone wrong. From that perspective I could see exactly what we had done and what the GPS was thinking. And, we realized, that at one point, had we listened to the GPS, it would have gotten us out of the mess we were in. But we no longer trusted the little talking machine to guide us.

Sometimes it would be nice to have a map of our lives. From that perspective we could see the roads, rivers, mountains, and curves. We could see that, while we may have taken a detour, we are at least headed in the right direction. But, we don’t have a map, and just like we got stuck in the mire of traffic, rain, and confusion on our way to the beach, so we get stuck in the emotion, sin, and confusion in our own lives. Sometimes we feel like we have no idea where we are going. But God knows. He knows exactly the path in which He will lead us through our lives. He knows the sinful choices we will make and He knows the godly choices we will make. He knows the parents, the kids, the siblings, and the friends we will have before we are even born. He knows the jobs we will hold. He knows the vacations we will take. He knows the tragedies we will experience and He knows the moments of joy we will experience. Nothing is outside the border of God’s map of our lives. He knows what will happen even before it happens.

I don’t know about you, but I find that comforting. Sometimes when I am facing the unknown and my life is full of question marks, it is good to know that nothing is a question mark to God. If we have acknowledged we are sinners and saved by grace alone, if we are living according to His Word and commandments, and truly allowing Him to direct our paths, we can rest assured knowing that He will be there to guide us in every step. His word tells us that there is no place we can go that He won’t be with us. And His forgiveness awaits us when we cave to that familiar sin. What an amazing comfort to those of us who truly love the God who saved us!

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Romans 8:38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ephesians 1: 6-8 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence,

The Slippery “Chick Flick” Slope

Leave a Comment / October 25, 2010 September 29, 2015

I have a weakness for chick flicks. I love romantic, sweet stories with happy endings. This past weekend I watched one. This delightful story was of a young man and woman who were thrown together into circumstances they never would have dreamed and, eventually, they end up together. Of course.

The movie was really pretty good. Except for the language and taking God’s name in vain. And except for the incredibly crude humor. And the gay couple made to look normal. And the illegal drug use. And the the glorification of unmarried sex.

Even as I write this, I am appalled that I sat through it. But I got so caught up in the story. It was such a cute and funny story.

Does a cute and funny story justify all of the immorality that goes on between the cute and funny parts?

More and more, it seems that romantic comedies are filled with things that God hates. Why are our spirits not “vexed” over this? “Vexed” means troubled or distressed. 2 Peter 2:8 says (Lot’s) righteous soul was vexed by the unlawful deeds of those living in Sodom and Gomorrah. And, yet, we sit and we laugh at sin. We tell our friends about this great movie we saw, never giving even a second thought to the language and actions that offend our Holy God. Language and actions that are not only present in the film, but oftentimes condoned.

I made a mistake. I wasted two of my God-given precious hours watching a movie that was filled with things that my God hates. I filled my mind with language and actions that go directly against what God wants me to be.

Why can’t I just sit and watch if I know that these things are wrong? It is not like I am going to go out and use bad language or do any of them. But maybe the question is why would I WANT to watch something that would offend the God who loved me enough to send His son to die for me? Why wouldn’t I love Him enough to make entertainment choices that are pleasing to Him?

Entertainment choices are difficult. But I do know this– I want to stand before my Lord in Glory and know that I did everything I could possibly do to keep my life pure and holy in this sinful world. And watching that movie did not qualify as pure and holy. Not even a bit.

Here’s to a new week and better choices!

I Peter 1:13-16 Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”

The House Auction

1 Comment / October 21, 2010 July 17, 2015

Many years ago, there was a young couple who lived in a tiny apartment. They wanted so very much to own their own home. Their family was growing and they were running out of room. Not to mention the obnoxious neighbor who lived above them, making their existence there less than ideal. One day, someone told them about an adorable little house that was going to be up for auction. The young couple drove by the house and grew excited at the prospect of home ownership. The day came for the auction. The couple waited nervously while a lifetime’s worth of trinkets and furniture were sold. Finally, it was time. Time to put the house up for auction. The bidding started. Oh, no! There was someone very serious about buying the house bidding against them. The price went up…up…it was getting close to their limit. Now it was beyond their limit. They knew their budget. They knew they could not afford to pay more than their limit. They had to back out. Oh, the disappointment! The young wife honestly thought this was the house for them. She walked away from the cute little house in the woods with her head down and tears in her eyes. She knew there would be other houses but she had fallen in love with this one.

Well, a few months passed. The young couple found another house. It was a little rancher in a nice neighborhood. The man who owned it had inherited it from his mother. He did not need the money. The young couple was able to borrow directly from him instead of going through a bank. They settled into their house and spent the next 9 years of their life there.

One day, a few years after the house auction, the young husband was having a conversation with a friend. This friend knew the people that had bought the house at the auction. He went on to share of the many problems this couple was having with the house. They had had to pour thousands of dollars into the house for some major, unforeseen issues.

And that is when the young wife learned an invaluable lesson. God knows best. There is a reason for why He answers “yes” and a reason for why He answers “no”. There is even a reason for why He answers “wait”. Sometimes we are the one who buys the lemon of a house and, even then, God has a plan for our lives.

By now, I am sure you figured out that my husband and I are the ones who lived out the story of the house auction. Sometimes God show us His reasons He has allowed (or, in this case, not allowed) a particular trial or blessing. But, more often than not, we do not know the reasons. That is what walking by faith is all about. We know that God loves us. Our job is to seek Him with all of our hearts. He will take care of the rest (Matthew 6:33-34). So much easier to write than to live.