Struggles – Page 32 – Growing 4 Life

The S Word

7 Comments / February 27, 2012 February 27, 2012

If you are a Christian woman, you are very familiar with this word. You may have chosen to ignore it, you may refuse to do it, or you may struggle with it every day of your life. I am referring to the word submission. This is one of the hardest words for Christian women to come to terms with…or is it just me?

I do not even feel qualified to write about this. This is a constant struggle for me. But I guess if I only wrote about the things in life I have perfected, I would never write anything!

Whether we like it or not, the concept of a wife submitting to her husband is biblical (Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3). If you are a woman with leadership skills and a strong personality this directive is especially challenging.

Many of us are women who naturally take charge. We don’t mean to portray anything negative or unkind. Lots of times we don’t even realize we are taking control from our husbands. We are often so busy organizing and controlling our children that we just start trying to do the same with our husbands.

In our home, this leads to some fireworks! Thankfully, my husband isn’t going to tolerate me taking over his role as leader and so we have had to deal with this word on a frequent basis. I have truly had to give some contemplation to this word and what it means for me and my role in my marriage.

The other day while I was reading Galatians 3:28, which is the verse about how we are all one in Christ Jesus, my eyes slid down to the MacArthur notes at the bottom. And something caught my eye. It was about submission:

Nor is this spiritual equality incompatible with the God-ordained roles of headship and submission in the church, society, and at home. Jesus Christ, though fully equal with the Father, assumed a submissive role during his incarnation.

I don’t know why, but I had never thought of that before. And I realized that Jesus is our perfect model for submission. On the night before his crucifixion, when He prayed “Not My will, but Yours, be done,” He was submitting to the Father, someone who was His equal.

I think perhaps that is where I get messed up. In our culture, submission means inferiority. The lesser person submits to the powerful, greater person. But when the Bible talks about submission it is never about the issue of inferiority. It is hard for us to work through that, isn’t it? Submission feels like inferiority. But if we are practicing biblical submission and our husbands are practicing biblical love, then we are experiencing God’s perfect design for marriage. And it is good.

On this day, we all find ourselves in different places. You may be like me and have lots of fireworks in your home as you work through this issue. You may have this down because you are naturally a follower. You may be struggling because you have a husband who refuses to lead. Or you may have a husband who is unloving and unkind in his leadership. But, somehow or other, we Christian women all need to deal with this word. What a comfort to see Jesus’ example of this as He went to the cross to die for us.

May we be women who never give up trying to grow in this area of our lives, no matter how our husbands choose to play their role as leader. And by growing, may we set a good example for our daughters and the young girls who are watching us.

Starting with the Right Account

5 Comments / February 23, 2012 February 23, 2012

I glared at my computer. Why wasn’t this balancing? I glanced down over the screen, trying to spot something that may have been entered wrong. I was in the midst of trying to balance one of my business accounts and it just wasn’t working. Have you ever had that problem? You work and work to figure out why you are a few dollars off? Only this time it was about $65 and I was determined to figure out the discrepancy. There were only a few transactions for the whole month, so this should have been a piece of cake. And then it hit me! I was balancing the wrong account. We have two accounts that happen to have very similar balances and I had accidentally brought up the wrong account. I could have worked all day but it would never have balanced.

After I had scolded myself about making such a stupid mistake and wasting some valuable minutes, I couldn’t help but apply this to life. You see, so many of us start at the wrong point with our Christianity. We want to start with ourselves instead of with God. We come to God so He will meet our needs. We want to find our purpose. We want to experience God’s blessings. We desire for all to go well with us. We believe that God wants us to be “happy” and so we pursue happiness instead of godliness. We praise God for finding us beautiful (which I still just can’t seem to find a verse to support) and we sing songs of worship that are ME-centered instead of God-centered.

We start with the wrong account of “me” and because of it, we can never seem to balance our Christianity. I know this isn’t a popular thing to say but here it is: True Christianity is about repentance of sin, self-denial, holiness, and glorifying God alone. We need to repent of the sin that makes us unacceptable to God and come to Him with humility and a grateful heart for the gift of salvation He has graciously provided through His Son’s death and resurrection. Upon salvation, we should start living for Jesus, instead of ourselves.

John 3:30 says: He must increase, but I must decrease. Matthew 16:24 says: Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.

Did you catch that? We are to decrease. We are to think less and less of ourselves the more mature we grow in Christ, so that people are seeing more and more of Christ. We are to deny ourselves our own personal desires for the sake of God’s Kingdom. For some, it may mean going to prison or dying for Christ. Others endure ruined reputations, ugly rumors, and broken relationships because of their dedication to Christ. But we are to glory in this persecution, because Christ’s purposes are supreme! (Matthew 5:11-12)

Because Christianity has become so ME-centered, it has rendered many of us useless for the sake of God’s Kingdom. We dedicate so much time to finding our personal purposes and “helping” God to bless us materially, that we aren’t even concerned about the souls of the lost. We become so wrapped up in declaring our “rights” and “personal freedoms” that we step all over weaker brothers and sisters, not caring for their fledgling walks with Christ. We rationalize our behaviors and choices, all the while hurting the Kingdom of God. We seek personal pleasure and justify it under the banner of the “freedom we have in Christ”. It is absolutely tragic.

We need to start with the right account! We need to start with God, instead of ourselves. Ironically, it is only when this happens, that we will find the joy, blessing, and peace that our souls long for.

Saving the Hemlocks

Leave a Comment / February 16, 2012 February 16, 2012

The other day one of our employees told me about a customer who blamed us for her dying hemlocks last season. Oh, she wasn’t blaming us for harming the trees. She was blaming us for not noticing them. This customer was annoyed because the men who mow her lawn had not spotted the infected hemlocks and therefore, it was our company’s fault that her hemlocks were dying.

Now, I am not here to defend our company. Perhaps we need to train our employees to be more observant. However, what I really want to focus on is this shift in our culture to blame anything bad that happens to us on someone or something else.

We don’t want to take responsibility and so we offer up all kinds of excuses. If we are overweight, we blame it on our metabolism. If we are angry, we blame it on the person who “made” us angry. If our kids aren’t doing well in school, we blame the teacher. If our children aren’t growing in Christ, we blame the church. If we are addicted to anything, it is someone else’s fault – certainly not ours!

But there are consequences for our actions and even for our ” inaction”. If we choose to ignore the health of our trees and shrubs, disease may sneak in and kill them. If we choose to ignore our children’s entertainment habits, Satan may sneak in and spiritually destroy them. If we choose to eat whatever we want and never exercise, we will not only weigh more, but may even suffer from high blood pressure or diabetes because of it. If we do not require our children to study, they will probably not do well in school. And when these things happen, it won’t be anyone’s fault but our own!

Instead of languishing in the land of self-pity and blame, we need to take responsibility and, with much prayer and biblical counsel, start moving forward out of the morass we find ourselves in. We have all made mistakes. We have all chosen the wrong path at times. But if we acknowledge our sin, repent of it, and change our direction, the Lord will be there to strengthen and guide us!

Unfortunately, hemlocks often die if we wait too long to treat them. Thankfully, we serve a big God and it is never too late to repent, turn to God for help, and move forward.

Psalm 25:9 The humble He guides in justice, And the humble He teaches His way.

10 Thoughts on Building a Healthy Marriage

Leave a Comment / February 13, 2012 May 31, 2015

It seems only appropriate to talk about marriage as we approach Valentine’s Day. What exactly defines a good marriage? How do a man and a woman not only stay together but actually stay best friends for life? I have a few ideas gleaned from my own 25 years of marriage to my husband, Eric. We have also had the blessing of observing the marriages of both sets of parents and other Christian couples who have set such wonderful examples. Some of the suggestions I have listed here are still very much in progress in our marriage, so please don’t think we have it all together! Here are a few thoughts on the topic of marriage, in no particular order:

1. Have common goals. It is so very hard to be best friends with someone who has totally different goals than you do. Whether it is how to handle finances or where to live or how to raise the kids, it is important that we be unified in most areas. If we cannot come to an agreement about some issue, it is important to come to some kind of compromise, so that we can live in harmony before the children. Of course, Biblical Truth cannot be compromised, but, if we are honest, we will admit that most of our arguments are based on our own selfish desires and have nothing to do with Biblical Truth. Nothing is more disruptive to a marriage than two people going two different directions.

2. A willingness on both parts to admit wrongdoing. This is so very basic– and so very necessary. Just this week, in separate incidents, both my husband and myself had to admit ways in which we messed up. Instead of sweeping them under the carpet, we thought about the sin we had committed and then apologized. I have to honestly admit that this is very difficult for me. My personality is such that I have a really difficult time doing this and it will often take me a few hours or even a few days until the Holy Spirit has convicted me to humble myself and admit my wrongdoing.

3. A willingness for both spouses to forgive and extend grace. Sometimes our spouse isn’t even aware that they hurt us. We need to forgive each other always. If we don’t, then eventually a volcano of bitterness, hurt, and anger will spill over. Some offenses are much easier to forgive than others. But, according to Scripture (Matthew 18:21-22) we are required to forgive each other–again and again. Grace, mercy, and forgiveness go a very long way in preserving a marriage.

4. Don’t allow our expectations to control our responses and reactions. We expect our husbands to read our minds. We expect our wives to have a clean house and hot meal waiting at home, regardless of her day. We expect our husbands to romance us. We expect our wives to understand our need for solitude. And when our spouses do not understand these things, we are offended. But, perhaps, instead of growing hurt and offended and angry, we should communicate our expectations and then determine what is realistically possible? I know when I was homeschooling, my husband had an expectation that I would keep a clean house. This caused a temporary rift in our marriage because I found this to be almost impossible. My husband had an expectation and I was having a very hard time meeting it. Most of us have some unrealistic expectations for our spouse that, if we are not careful, can build a wall between us. Years later, I now feel like it is a realistic expectation for me to keep the house tidy–at least for the few hours the kids are at school!

5. Appreciate each other. Sure, all of us have plenty to complain about, but we all have lots to be thankful for, too. And we need to make sure that appreciation moves beyond just our thoughts and to our mouths. We need to tell our spouse how much we appreciate them generally and specifically. We need to share with our children how much we appreciate their dad or mom. And we should talk positively about our husband or wife when we are in public.

6. Give God first place in our lives. I feel like this is so fundamental that it hardly needs to be said. However, so many of us forget the importance of this in our busy lives. I just heard John Piper say in one of his sermons that he has always encouraged his children to read their Bible in the morning – even before breakfast. In fact, if there is no Bible, there should be no breakfast…the implication being that it is more important to eat spiritual food than physical food. If we are in the Word and confessing and praying and continually examining ourselves, we will be a much easier person to be married to. If our spouse is doing the same thing, it will be doubly helpful to the marriage. The Lord blesses those who live in obedience to Him.

7. Keep our marriage in second place. Not the kids. Not the job. Not the shopping or the sports or the church. We have a responsibility to keep the needs of our spouse of primary importance. I have really struggled with this and continue to struggle with this. Through the years I have found myself in a place where I would meet the many needs of my four children and let my husband fend for himself. I still find myself doing this, as my husband would loudly confirm were he given the opportunity. But we all– whether we are husbands or wives–need to be thinking about our spouse’s needs. We need to be serving them, loving them, and keeping them a priority in our lives.

8. Surprise each other now and again. Okay, so maybe this isn’t as profound or deep as you were expecting but I can honestly say that some of the best times in my life have been when my husband has surprised me. Taken me outside of the ordinary. We live so many of our days in the ordinary that somehow it is so romantic and fun to do something or to receive something unexpected. Last week, Eric walked in the door with a beautiful magenta orchid in his hand. Just because. It wasn’t a holiday or a special occasion. I love those moments! It is fun and healthy for us to break up the commonplace once in awhile with a surprise.

9. Stick with God’s pattern for how a husband and wife are supposed to work together. Women, whether we like it or not, God has set the husband up to be the Spiritual leader. We are to submit to and respect our husbands. Men, whether you want to or not, you are called to be the spiritual leader in your home. You are held responsible before God to love and protect your wife and family and to guide them with Biblical wisdom. This is a responsibility that I see so many women taking by default and many Christian families are affected negatively because of it. God’s design is always perfect. We may not like it, but it is right there in Scripture (Ephesians 5:22-25).

10. No secrets! I can’t think of one on this list that is more important than this. Be honest with each other. In our marriage, we have made the decision to keep our computers, our phones, and any financial accounts open and available to be seen at any time. We talk honestly about our feelings on almost all topics. When communication is not going on, it is the beginning of misunderstandings, bitterness, and fear. Suspicion and distance and walls grow out of keeping secrets. But light shines on a relationship that makes honesty a priority.

All marriages go through ups and downs. We all hit rough times that we just need to toil our way through. But we can never give up. And one final thought – PRAY for your husband or wife. Pray for your marriage. God is faithful!

So, there are some suggestions. This is certainly not an exhaustive list and I am sure I left out some really important points. I would love to hear some of your suggestions and thoughts about this topic. What has really helped to make your marriage work?

Moving Forward

Leave a Comment / February 9, 2012 January 21, 2015

Last week, I found myself murmuring and complaining about a life-changing situation that my family is in. Oh, I wasn’t complaining on the outside. I was still saying all of the platitudes that an “older, wiser, middle-aged” person should say to anyone who would ask me about it, but on the inside I was frustrated and sad and perhaps even growing a little bitter.

God, in His Providence, led me to think on the life of Joseph, through a series of podcasted sermons by *Alistair Begg. This boy was hated and beaten by his brothers, thrown in a pit and sold as a slave to passing merchants. He was seduced by his new boss’s wife, and then framed when he didn’t jump into bed with her. This part of his life concluded by him being thrown into prison for a crime he did not commit. Do you see the potential for bitterness in any of those circumstances? And yet, through it all, he kept his testimony upright and pure and blameless. And because of this, God went on to use Joseph in a mighty way.

My thoughts turned towards the many friends and acquaintances I have known who have been through some really tough times. Some of them could never move beyond their tragic circumstances. They ended up caught in a mire from which they could not extricate themselves because, instead of trusting in God’s Sovereignty and moving forward, they dwelled on the circumstance and grew angry and bitter and stayed broken. In contrast, I thought on those who, by the grace of God and with an admirable determination, chose to move forward and use the trial as an opportunity to give God glory and to share the Gospel. I have seen both examples and I knew which one I wanted to be.

Illnesses and deaths of loved ones, distressed and broken marriages, and financial struggles happen every day. Broken relationships and failing bodies are a painful part of our world. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you just wanted to scream, “But this isn’t how I wanted my life to be!” ? I certainly have.

You see, it really comes down to submitting ourselves to the will of God. Instead, we often find ourselves dwelling on the could haves, the should haves, and the might haves. But we need to stop and say “It is what it is.”

It is what it is.

We aren’t able to turn back the clock and we are given no “do-overs”. So for God’s glory and for our own spiritual health and testimony, we need to stop dwelling on the past and move forward in humble submission, no matter what God has allowed in our lives.

May we be like Joseph, strong and sure in faith, obedient and upright in action, and determined to move forward, no matter what life may bring.

*Below is the link to the first part of the series on Joseph by Alistair Begg. The MP3s are free of charge. If you find yourself in a situation where you are having a hard time trusting God, this series of sermons will be a great encouragement and challenge to you.

http://www.truthforlife.org/resources/sermon/new-coat-big-dreams-deep-pit/

Practice Makes Perfect

Leave a Comment / January 26, 2012 January 26, 2012

My adorable piano student stood before me, unzipping the bag that held her piano books and hesitantly informing me that there were two songs she didn’t know very well. When asked why, she said they were too hard. When she sat at the piano, I asked her to play the first of those two songs. As she faltered and stumbled through the first one, I realized what was going on. She hadn’t even practiced the song because she didn’t like the song. It certainly wasn’t too hard. It was filled with basic notes and timing–both of which had been familiar to her for awhile now.

When questioned if she liked the song, this little girl, a bit embarrassed, was truthful with me. As I assigned the song again and told her that sometimes we have to do things we don’t like in order to really be successful, I thought of how much that is true in all of life.

Why do we have this idea that we can be good at something without practicing it? And why do we think it happens without struggle and working above feelings? Only through practicing – through songs we don’t like, through rhythms and measures that seem impossible, through working up the courage to play for an audience–do we become successful at playing an instrument. The same would hold true of most anything in life.

And if that is true then the following two things are probably also true:

1. If practice makes perfect, then older people probably have a lot of practice at living and perhaps we should listen to them a little bit more often. In the rebellion and casting off of traditions we have seen in the last 25 years or so, I have seen a very disturbing trend in this country. We treat our elderly like they are liabilities, instead of as precious assets who could teach us so much. Let’s face it, the basics of life haven’t changed that much. It is always amazing to me when I sit down and talk with someone who has lived a lot of life not only what I can learn, but how they have struggled through many of the same situations I struggle through…making a marriage work, raising children, trusting in God’s sovereignty, standing for Truth.

Yes, they should be precious to us and we cast them aside in our quest for something new and exciting and different. In my opinion, this is a great tragedy.

2. If we need to spend time at something in order to be successful at it, wouldn’t that mean the same for studying God’s Word? Can we really know it if we aren’t studying? And how can we live a holy life for God if we don’t know what that is? I would submit to you that the only way to know what pleases our heavenly Father is to spend time in His Word, using reliable resources to help us to interpret it.

We only have one life to live. And for many of us, we are looking at the word “elderly” and realizing that in just a few short years it will describe us. May all of us – no matter what age we are — be reading God’s Word and practicing life in such a way that is glorifying our heavenly Father. If we are reading God’s Word and applying it to our lives, young people will notice. And if you are reading this as a young person, then remember –there is always someone younger than you watching you.

May we all strive to be godly examples for a generation that seems to have lost its way. May we be “practicing” life in a manner that shows we are standing on the Solid Rock in the ocean of wishy-washy values and standards we find ourselves in.

Parenting with Purpose

5 Comments / January 19, 2012 January 19, 2012

My four kids in 2003-- where does the time go?

This morning I am speaking at a local MOPS group on the subject of parenting. As I thought about my life as a mom, I realized how many mistakes I have made and how much I have learned. And I thought of the moments we have as parents that are so proud…and the moments that are so devastating. It is only by the grace of God that we raise kids who love the Lord. Below I have included a condensed version of what I am saying this morning, including some resources I recommend.

1. PERSPECTIVE We need to keep perspective on what is truly important. If we are believers, then we only have 18 short years to mold kids who love the Lord with all of their hearts, souls, minds, and strength and love their neighbors as themselves (Mark 12:30). How do we keep proper perspective? I would like to make three suggestions: 1) We need to pray humbly and often. 2) We need to always think about what’s best for our children, rather than get caught up in our own insecurities and feelings. 3) We need to be very careful where we get our information. Look for biblical resources as you face issues with your children. God’s Word must reign supreme. Godly advice has rarely been found in secular books and magazines.

These three things will help us to remember what is truly important as we go about the job of raising kids.

2. PLAN We need to stop parenting out of convenience and reaction. We need to carefully plan each of the following:

–Conversations: use conversation starters like, “What’s your favorite song?” , “Why do you think that person did that bad thing?” or “What scares you the most and why?”

–Activities: When I over-scheduled myself and my children, I would end up short-tempered, with irritable kids, a messy house, and an unhappy husband. I eventually learned that the strife wasn’t worth it. We need to carefully plan our activities and only do the things that are truly important.

–Entertainment: This encompasses so much of our lives. It includes TV shows, movies, music, and video games. We should give great care and thought to, not only on what we allow them to watch and play, but also how often. We should be encouraging our children to be producers (creating, imagining, and building) rather than consumers (watching).

–Chores: We should be actively involving our children in the work around the house, so that they are learning self-discipline and the sense of accomplishment that comes along with hard work. We want to raise adults who are willing to serve others. This starts at home with chores.

3. PRAISE and PUNISHMENT It is important to establish parental authority in our homes when our children are young. It will not get easier as they get older. While listening to our children’s thoughts and feelings on matters is important and even, on occasion, may lead us to change our minds on an issue, we need to be the authority in our homes, as God designed.

We need to be very careful in our use of praise and punishment. Neither should be overdone. Punishment should only be for defiance and not for accidents. It should be thought out and never be born out of our split-second angry reaction. Ha! I write this and I know that I still struggle with this. Angry reactions are what comes natural to me. “Give me your ipod! I am keeping it for a year!” Thankfully, my husband usually helps me see reason and we develop a more reasonable punishment.

And, on a side note, I have never seen a child’s psyche damaged because they can’t wear or eat what they want. However, I have seen great damage occur when a child always gets their own way and believes themselves to be the center of the universe.

4. PROPER PRIORITIES Our priorities should look like this: 1. God 2. Marriage Relationship 3. Children. In many homes, it appears that the children take the number one spot. In fact, I heard Tim Keller talk about this the other day on a podcast. He talked about how the child-centered family of today, instead of being a healthy Christian model, is nothing like a Christian family should look like. Many of us have made our children idols and the troublesome thing is – in most Christian circles we believe this is the right thing to do.

5. PRIVILEGE We need to remember what an incredible privilege it is to raise children who love the Lord! Many are those who only wish they could do it once or do it over. We need to remember how blessed we are and continue on doing our very best even when the road grows difficult and we grow tired.

There is a war going on for the souls of our children. We need to fight for them! God has entrusted many of us with one or more of these souls. May we approach this opportunity with purpose and whole-hearted devotion.

Some resources I recommend:

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

What the Bible Says About Parenting by John MacArthur

Dare to Discipline by James Dobson

Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel

Just do it.

1 Comment / January 2, 2012 January 2, 2012

For many of us, January 2 brings the opportunity for a fresh start. Some of us have specifically set New Year’s resolutions. But, if you are like me, those resolutions usually last about a month…if that. So what truly brings about lasting change? Why can even people who do not know the Lord change for the better?

Could it be that they just do it? They just make up their mind to behave a certain way and then follow through on that decision? When Nike came out with their logo of “Just do it” I wasn’t sure what to think. But recently, I realized the wisdom of that phrase.

Our language is so peppered with words like “try” and “maybe” and “perhaps” because we are so afraid to commit to change. And maybe that is because we are so afraid to fail. When we make the statement, “I will lose weight,” or “I will stay on a budget,” it sets us up for failure. It is much easier to say “I will try to lose weight,” or “perhaps this is the year we will work on the budget,”. Now, we have a way out. A bit of a loophole that we can crawl through if it doesn’t work.

As I was thinking about this, I realized that the Bible never tells us to try to trust the Lord. There is never a verse that says perhaps we should love the Lord with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Instead, the Bible is filled with verses of commands we are to obey. There is no loop hole there. Below, I have placed a few verses that I looked up as I was writing this. I didn’t find one verse that gave me a way out of obedience.

So, how does that affect our resolutions? I think it is because many of the resolutions we set have to do with sin issues in our lives. Perhaps we are overweight (gluttony) or we are in debt (money is our idol) or we are wrapped up in an evil habit (spoken against in God’s Word). So we know that these are areas that God wants us to have victory. What are some steps we can take to assure that we succeed this year?

First: We need to set attainable goals. I am in the process of trying to figure out what are realistic goals for me. If we make a resolution to run an hour a day and we are having a hard time even finding 15 minutes of extra time for exercise, we are setting ourselves up for failure. In his book, Total Money Makeover, Dave Ramsey recommends paying off the smallest debt first, so that there will be some reward early on. I think the same is true for setting goals. Set one that you can actually reach. And when that one becomes a habit, then stretch yourself a bit further. It doesn’t have to be New Year’s Day in order to set a goal.

Second: We need to pray and ask the Lord for His guidance as we set goals. It is important that we make sure the goals we set are in accordance with His Word and His will for our lives. Let’s ask Him to give us strength. We need His help.

And third: Once we have determined realistic and attainable goals and we have asked the Lord for guidance and strength, let’s commit each morning to doing them for just that day. Let’s actually follow through. We make it seem so hard. But it’s not hard. It just takes commitment. We just need to do it.

Here’s to 2012 and attainable goals!

Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct^[a] your paths.

Mark 12:30 And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there isany virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Colossians 3: 12-13 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; ¹³ bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

James 1: 2-3 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

James 4: 7-8 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. ⁸ Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

The law of imperfection

2 Comments / December 19, 2011 December 14, 2014

The other night we had the blessing of going to our daughter’s Christmas Concert at school. She was only in two numbers during the whole two hours, so we had kind of psyched ourselves up to get through the evening. When we arrived, we found some good friends to sit by and proceeded to move to our chairs. Except when we went to sit down, we found ourselves bumping elbows and hips. The seats were so closely put together that it was almost impossible to sit comfortably.

I started to complain almost immediately. “Who set up these chairs? What were they thinking?” I tried in vain to wiggle my chair to the left and then to the right. It was so uncomfortable. I turned my head to the end of the row. Could we possibly inch the chairs to the left or right? Nope. No chance. They would obviously be out of line with the rest of the rows and there was not an inch of space between any of them. I sat back and resigned myself to sitting diagonally on my seat to get through what was going to be a very long evening. My husband (whom I nicknamed “MacGyver” a long time ago) came up with a great solution. We folded up an unused chair. Aahhh. Space to sit comfortably. We adjusted our chairs and actually enjoyed the rest of the evening, which was filled with the songs of Christmas.

But as I pondered on my reaction, I realized something. I complained when the chairs weren’t set up correctly, but I wouldn’t have even thought about the chairs if they would have been set up in a comfortable way. I would never have entered the row and exclaimed how lovely it was that the chairs were positioned so comfortably. We could just have easily solved that problem (i.e. fold up an extra chair) without my unnecessary complaining. Are complaining and negative words necessary for solving an uncomfortable or difficult dilemma?

So why this human tendency to focus on imperfection? Why do we so often notice the bad stuff but tend to ignore the good stuff? Why do we feel the need to complain and criticize when something doesn’t suit us? Why don’t we notice how wonderful something is? Why don’t we appreciate when something goes as planned?

We find this law at play in our company. We have several hundred customers we service regularly. I bet you can guess who we hear from most often. Yep- you guessed it! The ones who are dissatisfied. We are always so very thankful for those customers who take the time to write a note thanking us or to pick up the phone and call just to tell us how pleased they are with the work we did for them. What a blessing to us and to the employees who did the work.

Let’s take this thought and apply it to our homes, shall we? When was the last time we thanked our husband or wife for doing something good- or even something very routine- that we expected them to do? On the other hand, when is the last time we scolded, criticized, or even yelled at that same person for doing something we didn’t like? Play the same scenario out in your head with your children, your friends, your parents, your pastor, and your co-workers. You see, it is applicable in almost every area we find ourselves in.

Sure, sometimes the negative has to be addressed. I am not talking about the unhealthy choice of ignoring serious problems. What I am referring to are the things we say that just do not need to be said. It’s the unnecessary comment I made about the chairs. It’s the negative comments we make about our favorite sports team, our children’s schools, the restaurant, or the store where we shop. It includes the unkind comments we make to our close friend about someone’s hair…or clothes…or choice of dog…or how they use their money. Unless it is a biblical issue and against a commandment we find there, does it really matter?

The Christmas season is upon us. What a great time to encourage others and set a good example with our language. Let’s edify one another with our words and comments as we gather together for Christmas celebrations.

Proverbs 10: 19 In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

Scheduled for Surgery

2 Comments / December 15, 2011 December 15, 2011

The young doctor picked up the scalpel to make his first cut. His hand shook over the patient’s abdomen. Within the middle-aged woman’s body there was a tumor the size of an orange raging a war against her. It was destroying her life. The doctor just stood there, shaking. Sweat from his brow ran down his face. He looked at the nurse by his side and finally spoke his thoughts, “I just can’t do it. I will hurt her. She might have scars. She might be mad at me. Let’s just send her back to her room.”

A joke, right? What surgeon in his right mind would send a patient from the operating room because he was worried about hurting or scarring him or her? What honorable physician would be worried that his patient might be angry with him? And, yet, when God tries to “operate” on us, we raise our fists and shout, “why, God? How could you do this to me? I don’t deserve this!”

Somehow I think we keep forgetting that God is our Creator. He knows everything. I often don’t understand why He has allowed something….whether it be in my life or someone else’s. Many times life appears to be very unfair. But God sees our hearts. He sees where we are diseased and broken. Just as the surgeon wields his instrument, cutting and stitching in ways we could never understand, to improve our physical health, so our Heavenly Father cuts away and stitches to improve our spiritual health.

That trial that we are finding hard to bear may be what it will take to topple an idol held firmly in the wrong place within our heart. Or perhaps it may work on our deadly habits of selfishness or greed. Possibly the trial will even change the direction we are headed in life. Any pain or scars that results from the surgery will be well worth it, because God knows best. How He must shake His head with sadness when we cry out in arrogant anger, thinking with our finite minds that we know best.

James 2:2-4 says: My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴ But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

We are to count it joy when we face a trial because it changes us…it perfects us. This is so much easier to write than it is to do. I realize this. But if we are going to obey God’s Word, then we have no choice but to submit to His will and joyfully trust that He knows best.

So if we know we are scheduled for spiritual surgery–and we all are, we just don’t know when–how can we prepare? It is a known fact that physical surgery goes so much better if we are healthy and in good physical shape. Recovery time is considerably shorter, as well. Might I suggest that spiritual surgery may be similar? We will be much better prepared for spiritual surgery if we are in God’s Word daily, living a life of prayer and thankfulness. We will especially be better prepared if we are practicing joy in the little cuts and bruises of life.

If we are believers, we are scheduled for spiritual surgery. We don’t know when. We don’t know how invasive. But we are scheduled.