Struggles

What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?

The title of this book caught my eye as I perused Amazon.  I can’t even remember what I was looking for…but it wasn’t a book on marriage.  But that title…it was a sermon in and of itself.  And I found myself really contemplating it.  What is it truly like for my husband to be married to me?  I have spent so many thoughts on what it is like to be married to him that I forgot the other side of the equation.

As I read Colossians 3 this morning, and then the similar passage in Ephesians 5, I realized something.  Oh, it was not a new thought to me, but God brought it to my attention this morning once again.   You want to hear my big insight?  Here it is:  I can only control me.  I can only control my actions, my thoughts, my words, my reactions, my heart, my mind, my body.  I am the only one who can control me and I am incapable of controlling anyone else.  This especially hits home in a marriage.

Whether my husband treats me wonderfully or badly…I still have a responsibility to respond in a way that pleases the Lord.  Whether my husband gets me roses or a vacuum for Valentine’s Day….I still have a responsibility to respond in a way that pleases the Lord.  Whether my husband gives me a back rub or a bag of laundry…I still have a responsibility to respond in a way that pleases the Lord.  You get the idea.

What is it like to be married to me?  I am not sure it is all that it should be.  In fact, I am sure it could be a much better experience for my dear husband.   May I continue to ask that question throughout the rest of my marriage.   It is my hope to be a blessing to my husband.  Sometimes we get so caught up in the busyness of life we forget to love and respect our husbands the way God instructs us in His Word.

And we could actually take a similar question and apply it to almost any of our relationships:

What’s it like to be my child?

What is it like to work with me at the office?

What is it like to be my parent? my sibling? my friend?

What is it like to go to church with me?

What if I was my neighbor?

What if I was on a committee with me?

If we find ourselves in a difficult relationship that is full of hurt and anger or just a stilted, uncomfortable relationship, perhaps this is a good place to start.  Let’s “put the shoe on the other foot”.  Let’s think about how we present ourselves–what kind of tone we use, our body language, our facial expressions. Let’s think for a moment what we may have said, how we may have acted or reacted, the expression or lack of expression that may have been hurtful or unkind.

I think, so often–at least in my life–I spend most of my time thinking about how the other person did something, said something, hurt me, etc.  instead of the reverse question.  Because, after all, it is much easier to think about the faults of others than my own faults.

And so, God continues to use His Word to teach me.   And sometimes He uses wise authors who, even by the title of their book, can speak to me.  I haven’t read the book yet (see link below) but I did buy it.  Because you are never too old to work on your marriage!

http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Like-Married-Dangerous-Questions/dp/1434700569/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1322698701&sr=1-1

Strength Will Rise When I Wait?

Are you sure, Lord?  Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord.  As we sang this song in church yesterday, I thought about that phrase.  Wait a second…my strength doesn’t “rise” when I am waiting on the Lord.  It usually decreases.  I wonder if that phrase is even biblical?  So right there in church (sorry, Pastor Dan!) I started looking to find the scripture that  backed that phrase up.  As I read a few of the verses that contained the word “wait” I came across several rich passages but most had to do with being comforted by the Lord.  I didn’t read anything about my strength rising.  And then I remembered that verse in Isaiah.  Where was that again?  Chapter 40 or was it 41?  I flipped the pages through Isaiah looking for it.   There it was.  Chapter 40, verse 31:

 But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

While we wait our strength will be renewed.  Our strength will rise…grow stronger…as we wait.  And I thought about some of the situations in my life where waiting is my only option.   And I knew that waiting usually depleted my strength.  It didn’t make it grow stronger.  And then I had to ask myself this question:  if scripture tells me that waiting will make me grow stronger, why was I growing weaker?

As I pondered this question, I realized the answer: I grow weaker when I am waiting if I am relying on my own strength.  I am small and finite and things look impossible to me.  But God is big and infinite and all-knowing. All things are possible with God.  He is our hope…our strong deliverer, just like the song goes on to say.  In fact, as I took the time to read through the lyrics (see below) after I got home, I realized that the entire song was based on that verse in Isaiah.

But there wasn’t anything in that verse to indicate that waiting would be easy…or fun.  In my world, I am “happier” if I can do something to solve a problem and many of my conversations with the Lord have gone something like this: “Lord, please just show me the path to take, and then I’ll do it, Lord. Please show me how I can solve the problem and I promise I will work hard to do that.”    But guess what?  If we solve the problem, then we get the glory.  It is only when I acknowledge that I can’t possibly solve this problem and, in prayer and with faith and patience, submit the impossible to my Heavenly Father that I can get a glimpse of His glory.

Some of us wait and wait and wait.  We have wayward children…or broken relationships…or a situation at work…or an illness…and they are seemingly unending.  And we grow discouraged.  And we grow weaker.  Waiting is not for the faint of heart.  Waiting is hard.   But after we have done all we can do…after we have given 110% to solve a problem…or read every good book there is to read about God’s will…and there is still a question mark hanging over our heads…then, instead of throwing our hands up in the air, we need to turn it over to the Lord.  And as we wait, trusting in a God who is so much bigger than us, our strength will be renewed, not because of anything we will do…but because He will give us strength.

Everlasting God

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won’t grow weary

You’re the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
You won’t grow weary

O, to be like a crossing guard

Each morning I pass by a busy intersection near our local middle school.   And every morning, I see the same lady faithfully directing traffic and protecting children.  She stands with confidence and is dressed appropriately for the conditions, whether there is sunshine, rain, wind, or the dangerous fog.   She is observant and always on her guard because any lapse of judgment would put the children she protects in great peril.   And, given it is middle school children she directs, I can imagine that the “thank yous” are few and far between.  She has also probably put up with a couple of obscene gestures and angry drivers, as well.   But she keeps doing her job.  Because she is dedicated to that job and takes it seriously.

We Christians could learn a lesson or two from her–

1. We should know what our job is and do it with confidence.    God’s Word tells us the “job” description of a true believer in Jesus Christ.  We should know what that is and then go about it with confidence.  There is such an emphasis on tolerance in this culture, that many of us, while being and  looking like true believers in our hearts and homes, are not so confident out in the middle of the intersection.  We raise a half-hearted hand to direct traffic and to “kind of” tell them to slow down, but we are afraid to say, “Stop!  Do you know where you are spending eternity?”

2. We should stand strong in all types of weather.  It is hard to do our job when tough times come.  And tough times are not just the big stuff, like job change, death, or divorce.  Sometimes tough times can be a long week of being unable to sleep at night.  Or they may come with a child who is simply downright difficult.  For some, it is related to children leaving the home or perhaps intrusive in-laws.  We all have different weather conditions we face.  But I think it is safe to say, we all experience different types of weather.  Just like the crossing guard shows up and does her job, no matter what the weather, so we, too, should be standing strong with Jesus, no matter what the weather.

3.  We should be dressed appropriately.  Ephesians 6: 10-20 gives a vivid description of the armor of a Christian.  Paul describes how we should be covered from our heads to our toes.  And, yet, so many of us are missing a piece of armor.  Perhaps it is Truth that is to be girded around our waist, or maybe the Breastplate of Righteousness.  It could even be the Shield of Faith.  But no matter what it is, when we are missing our armor, we become very vulnerable to our enemy.   Any chink in our armor becomes a target, where we can be attacked and destroyed.  We need to make sure we have on the whole armor of God, as Paul teaches us in this passage.

4.  Apathy puts our children in peril.  If the crossing guard was not paying close attention to what she was doing, the children would be in great danger.  If she stood on the corner lazily smoking a cigarette, the intersection would become a difficult and very hazardous place for the children she has pledged to protect.  Why is it any less important for us as we guard the hearts and minds of our children?  We can never let our guards down.  We can never stop striving to discern, protect, and make decisions that please the Lord within our families.  There is no time this is tested more than when you have teenagers.  Oh, the many times I have been tempted to throw my hands up in the air and shout, “I am tired!  Do what you want!  I don’t care!”  At those moments, it is my husband who tells me, “we have to care!  We cannot grow tired!”  How thankful I am for his perseverance.  It is critical to have this perseverance when raising children.  To not have it is to put their souls in great danger.  We need to parent with a purpose.  We are responsible for these children God has entrusted to us.  We can never grow apathetic or lazy in this duty!

5.  We can’t care what people think.  As most of us have already learned, there is very little thanks that comes for standing what is right.  More often, we are attacked.  But if we are standing on God and what His Word says, then we can stand with courage and confidence.  What would happen if that crossing guard walked dejectedly out of the intersection every time an angry driver made an obscene gesture?  And, yet, so many of us walk dejectedly away when we are criticized or someone disagrees with us.  While we are to be at peace with all men to the best of our ability (Romans 12:18), we are never instructed to compromise.  So, while we need to go about standing for truth with love and grace, it is important that we stand.   Not saying anything when God’s Word is being compromised is sinful.  We can never afford to back down when Truth is attacked.  May we stand strong even when the heat of the fire starts to burn us!

As Christians, we have been called to be salt and light.  God gives us everything we need to know in His Word.  May we be like that crossing guard, standing in all types of weather, dressed appropriately, and always persevering.  May we give little heed to those who criticize us unjustly.  And may we hear “well done, good and faithful servant,” when we meet God face to face.


The little girl on the beach

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The little girl on the beach was investing all of her childish energy into making obscure shapes in the sand and digging holes to find the tiny sand crabs and the water beneath the surface.  It was the perfect pastime on this hot summer day. After awhile,  she realized that she hadn’t seen a familiar face for awhile. She looked up towards the mosaic of colorful towels, beach umbrellas, and bathing-suit clad crowds all along the beach. Her little heart started to pound.

Where was mommy? Her heart pounded harder.

Where was daddy?  She started to scan from left to right, growing alarmed.

As she stared at the horizon full of strangers, full-blown panic set in and she started to race down the beach as fast as her short legs could carry her. She had no idea where she was going. She just knew she was lost and she had to find someone to help her. Her safe, comfortable world had suddenly grown dark and frightening.

Meanwhile, her parents looked up to notice that their little girl wasn’t where she had been just a split second before. They started to panic as they searched in vain for her blonde head. The beach was especially full that day and the nightmare of a lost child—their lost child—started to become real.

Getting ready to head over to the lifeguard, the father gave one final searching glance that just happened to be in the right direction. He saw a little girl in a navy bathing suit running down the beach as fast as her chubby legs could carry her. It was his little girl. And she was running in the opposite direction.

Before he could even give it a thought he was tearing down the beach after her. His young, strong body was fast—but this tiny 6-year old was making it hard to catch her. The adrenalin flowing through her little body made her much quicker than normal.

As her daddy finally overtook her, she stopped. She looked into his face and she knew that she was safe.   That familiar face changed everything. She grabbed her daddy’s neck and hung on for dear life. So very thankful and relieved he had found her, her daddy carried her back to safety.

That little girl was me. I don’t really remember all of the details, so some of them are from my imagination. However, I do still remember the fear and panic that was in my heart as I looked up and couldn’t see my family. I remember running. I vaguely remember the safety of being in my daddy’s arms. My parents tell me the story of how frightened they were when they couldn’t see me. I do know that after that incident I was deathly afraid of getting lost for at least 20 years. I was in my mid-20s before I realized that I was smart enough to find my way home if I got lost.

As this memory came to my mind a few days ago, it started me thinking about how sometimes we get scared in life and we just start running, searching for safety. We find ourselves in the midst of an unforeseen and uncomfortable trial and when we realize that we are in trouble, we start running like our lives depend on it.

Only we run away from God.

We run towards what looks like the exit door, only to find out it is not an escape from our trial at all but a fake exit door or maybe even a trap. Fake exit doors and traps take all kinds of shapes. They can look like a chocolate cupcake. Or a player-laden green field with lines on it. Maybe it is in the shape of a red Mustang GT or a nice boat. They can look like a thick best-seller or virtual military men on your TV screen. It may be in the shape of a wine glass or a small, white ball. It could be a court room or a corporate conference room. Whatever it looks like in your life, one thing is certain: There will be no escape there. Nor eternal peace or fulfillment will result from going the wrong direction.

But if you are one of God’s children, saved by His grace alone, God will catch up to you. He loves you and nowhere you can run can take you so far away that He can’t find you and catch you and bring you back to His fold. Just like my daddy did what he could do to protect me, so our Heavenly Father protects us. Even though, in ignorance, I ran a different direction than where my daddy was standing, he found me. Our heavenly Father will find us, too–if we are His.

This reminds me of Romans 8:38-39:

 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If we are His, then nothing can separate us from His love and care for us. We may get lost for a little while but He will find us. Great is His faithfulness!

May we find our safety and peace in God alone and not waste precious time running the wrong direction.

Figuring out the alarm clock

SO…the other night I was trying to set the alarm on my new alarm clock.  I had finally splurged on an alarm clock that could play my ipod.  I don’t usually set my alarm and just get up when I hear everyone stirring.  But it was Saturday night and I needed to be the first one up the following morning.   I had been enjoying my alarm clock’s music capabilities for awhile, but I had no idea what I was doing when it came to setting the alarm.  At first, I half-heartedly turned around and started pushing buttons.  I quickly realized that I was going to need to put more effort into it.  At this point, I turned on the light and tried to figure it out.  When that didn’t work, I got out of my warm, cozy bed to hunt for the instruction manual.   I had intentionally put it somewhere that I wouldn’t lose it.   Now, understand, I am famous in my house for this.  Putting something somewhere so that it won’t get lost…and then not remembering where that place is!  As I searched through every possible drawer, cabinet, and cubby-hole that it could possibly be, I became more discouraged.   It was late and I obviously wasn’t finding the directions anytime soon.   So I did the obvious thing–I asked my husband to help me figure it out!

He spent some time looking at it and between the two of us, we tried to figure it out.  I am not really sure we ever did.  I think we set his alarm as back-up.  At any rate, I woke up on time.

But, it got me thinking…setting that alarm clock without the instruction manual is a little like living life without the Bible.  You try all kinds of stuff on your own power and intellect.  And you may figure it out…at least occasionally.  And you might get it mostly right…at least from the outside looking in..but you won’t really know what you are doing.

I have a lot of gadgets with instruction manuals.   I doubt I use any of them to their full power.  Why?  Because I have never sat down with the instruction manual to see what they can really do.  I do put the manual somewhere safe (usually!) where I can find it when I run into a specific problem…like setting an alarm!  I guess we can be a little like that, can’t we?  Putting our Bibles  on a shelf, where they can be found in case of an emergency.  And for church, of course.  And when we run into a problem, after exhausting all of our human resources, we may run to the shelf and find a verse that matches our situation and encourages us.  All of this–instead of abiding and walking with the Lord always.  May our Bibles be well-read, well-marked, and used every day!

Amazing what you can learn from a silly little thing like an alarm clock, isn’t it?

When Forgiving Is Hard

heartsickness-428103_1280

Forgiveness is difficult enough with proffered flowers and a humble apology. It feels almost impossible when there is no repentance from the person who deeply hurt you. But that happens to most– if not all–of us at one time or another. So how do we deal with it?

How do we handle the moments we are unjustly or dishonestly accused of something? The times that we are hurt by unkind words or thoughtless actions?

You see, I think a lot of Christians talk about forgiveness but I am not sure all of us practice it. It is easy to say we forgive someone. But how do we truly make that happen? How do we move that forgiveness from our head to our hearts?

There is no formula and there is no set timeline. But there are a few things that have helped me tremendously that I would like to share with you–

1.  Ask the Lord to show you how you could have handled the situation differently or if there is any truth to the accusations. While this is a painful process, it is also very helpful. Sometimes we can learn and grow from a situation, no matter how painful or unfair the original situation was.

2.  Realize that the offense was not personal. Oh, this is hard. But after you replay the situation in your mind for the 100th time and after you have offered any necessary apology, then you have to realize that it is the other person’s problem. It is not yours. Recognition of this is very helpful in the forgiveness process.

3.  Stop thinking about it. I find that the angry thoughts and feelings build up the more I dwell on what happened. The hurt and the sadness can overwhelm you and you feel like you are drowning. Don’t stay at that place. Make a conscious effort to move your mind to a better place. This is a difficult process but it needs to be done. Train your mind to think about something else. Get out and do something. Focus on your blessings.

4.  Understand that your lack of forgiveness will only hurt you and those you love. Yes, we have all heard this but it is so very true and it bears repeating. I see in my life an example of someone who chose not to forgive someone a very long time ago. The fruit that has been born from that decision has been devastating.  And I have actually seen that process start to take place in my own life as I struggled through forgiving someone. Graciously, God showed me that the person who hurt me was completely indifferent to how I felt about them and my actions were only hurting myself and my family.

5.  Give your broken heart and anger to the Lord. Ask the Lord to help you supernaturally love the person who hurt you. Ask Him to do a work of forgiveness in your life.  I have found that it is only when I surrender my will and my feelings to Him that I move towards true forgiveness. Sometimes you are so hurt you can’t even pray. If that happens, ask a few of your closest friends to pray for you. Cover yourself in prayer. Satan would like nothing better than for you to be at odds with that person for forever.

These are a few thoughts that continue to help me deal with unfair accusations or deep hurt from someone who never says they are sorry. I would love to hear how some of you have dealt with similar situations? What has God taught you about forgiveness?

How I long for the day where difficult relationships and hurt feelings will be a thing of the past but, until that day, we need to bravely be the better person.  To be at peace with all men, as we are told in Romans 12:18–

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”  

 

In what do you hope?

I hope the Phillies will win the ball game.  I hope it doesn’t rain tonight.  I hope I have enough money to pay the mortgage.  I hope my medical tests are negative.  I hope my kids live healthy, productive lives.  Hope is a well-used word.  But do we really understand what it means to hope? And in what do we hope?  In what should we hope?

Octavius Winslow has a chapter about hope in his book, “Soul Heights and Soul Depths”.  The following passage is a beautifully written passage defining false hope…and true hope:

Take from the sufferer the hope of relief, from the sick the hope of life, from the exile the hope of return, from the captive the hope of release, from the condemned the hope of reprieve, and you have quenched the last spark of life, have dashed from the lips the last drop of comfort, shading the entire scenery of existence with the heaviest clouds of despair and woe. It is hope—the first true offspring of reason, the recognition of purer intelligence—that rocks the cradle of suffering infancy, paints its golden tinge upon the dismal cell of the prisoner, lulls to balmy repose the couch of languor, sits proudly upon the warrior’s crest, and visits alike, faithfully and kindly, the poor man’s hut as the rich man’s palace.

 But what is all human hope, as to its nature and object, but a phantom and a dream as the foam on the crest of the billow, the shadow on the mountain’s brow—unsubstantial and fleeting? Yet, how does the soul cling to it! How do men, looking only to the things that are seen and temporal, cling to human hopes, pursuing a bubble, building upon a shadow, grasping the wind! How unreal, unsatisfying, and evanescent the hope that rests in the creature, that is built on the world, that clings to wealth and honor and life! All for a while looks true and bright—hope investing the present and painting the future with its most gorgeous and attractive hues. But, adversity comes, and reverse comes, and sickness comes, and death comes, and eternity comes, and then the sky is darkened, and the flowers droop, and the music is hushed, and all human hopes one by one grow dim and expire as the day fades into evening, and the evening deepens into night.

 Oh the folly of building the hope of happiness below God, out of Christ, and this side of Heaven! Chase no longer the phantom, the dream, the shadow of human hope, of earth-born good; but, acquaint your self with God, seek Christ, and fix your thoughts, your affections, your whole being, upon the world of stern and solemn reality towards which time is rapidly speeding you. “This is life eternal, that they might know You the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent.”

 We now turn to the Christian’s hope—the only true, substantial, and living hope of the soul. How truly and impressively the passage under consideration defines this hope. “Let Israel hope in the Lord”—not in the creature, not in himself, not in his own righteousness—but, “let him HOPE IN THE LORD.” There is everything in God to inspire and encourage hope. Oh, it is a marvelous truth—a truth, had it not been divinely revealed, the mind could not have discovered, nor the heart have believed it that, the soul of man, lost in sin, might again hope in God! But examine the foundation of this hope, and all wonder ceases. Christ is the Foundation, the Object, and the End of the believing sinner’s hope. “The Lord Jesus Christ, who is our hope.” There is but one divinely revealed and assured hope of heaven, and it centers wholly and exclusively in the Savior of sinners. The Atonement of Christ touches the soul, and meets its case at every point. There could be no hope of the sinner’s pardon and justification consistently with Divine Justice, Holiness, and Truth apart from the obedience, death, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Winslow, Octavius (2010-06-17). Soul Heights and Soul Depths. Unknown. Kindle Edition.

Persevering in the Grey

I opened my eyes.  The missing sun cast its presence by its absence.  Another dreary day.  September had been full of them.  I sighed.  Somehow I would have to get up the energy to be productive for another day.  With or without the sun.  I hadn’t realized just how much its bright presence cheers me.   As I stepped into the early morning, the humid air became a sticky blanket on my skin.  So…it was dreary and humid.

As I went about eating my breakfast and tidying the house, I argued with myself as to why this would not be a good day to exercise.  I had had the same losing argument with myself for every dreary day the past month.  And there were a lot of them.  It just wasn’t a good day to exercise.  Surely, I don’t need to exercise in such conditions.  In the meantime, by body, while not really gaining in pounds, had deteriorated substantially in tone and shape.

From somewhere deep inside, I recognized that I was going to have to push through the grey.  Push through the humidity.  Persevere.  I reluctantly walked upstairs to put on my running clothes.  Then I grabbed my iphone, my headphones, and headed out the door.

The first mile was tough.  The stickiness melted my clothing to my body.  Even when I was only walking.  I kept going.  I started to jog.  I knew, even though this wasn’t fun, that I was doing the right thing.  Not just for me.  But for my family.  I am a much better “me” when I exercise.   As I jogged, the flourescent pink trim and laces on my new running shoes made me smile.  There was a little brightness everywhere…if you took the time to look for it.

As I ran, I listened to these promising lyrics:

Everyday’s a brand new day
A chance to undo my mistakes
And be the me I know that I can be

Count my blessings one by one
Grateful for what God has done
Spending more time down upon my knees**

As I listened to this song, God showed me that my life choices weren’t so very different from this run of mine.  Every day, we are given the opportunity to make choices.  Good ones.  Bad ones.  The good ones are so much easier to make when the sun is shining.  When there is a crisp breeze in the air.  When the flowers and fields are sparkling in the sunshine.  But when it is grey…when all is dreary and dismal around us, then the good choices are harder.

When we lose our best friend…when we get sick…when our spouse is struggling at work…when a child is rebellious…these are the times our minds cajole us,  saying things like:  “Eat what you want.  You deserve it.  Watch TV and escape the world.   Go shopping.  Go golfing.  Escape with this book.  Play this video game.  Because you will feel better if you do this.”

But you never do.  You never feel better.  You always feel worse.  Oh, maybe for a minute or two I will feel some satisfaction from eating some Chocolate Chip Mint ice cream.  But as soon as the last bite is done…if I am eating it for the wrong reason…then the guilt comes.

As I finished my exercise with a brisk walk, the sun made a brief appearance and I heard this in my headphones “Now the bridge leads on…to a brighter dawn. It’s waiting for me.”  And I realized that the bridge does lead on.  That we who love Jesus Christ have the hope of an eternal dawn.  Where there are no grey days.  We need to persevere…we need to make good, wise choices–no matter what our circumstances– as we move ever closer towards that eternal, brighter dawn that is waiting for us in glory.

**Higher Calling by Blessid Union of Souls

Marjory, the Ant

Marjory proudly carried the huge crumb she had found underneath the Hendersons’ picnic table.  It looked to be the best crumb she had found all year.  Wouldn’t the ant colony be impressed with this large crumb?  As she moved slowly across the patio towards the colony, a grasshopper landed in front of her out of nowhere.  She started to think about how nice it would be to be able to jump like that…instead of having short, little legs.  As she glanced upwards to follow the grasshopper’s next jump, she saw a beautiful Monarch on a golden flower.  She pondered what it would be like to be the orange and black butterfly, extracting delicious nectar from lovely flowers…instead of carrying heavy, human leftovers to the ant colony.  Marjory started to get depressed.  She started to stumble under the weight of the immense crumb.  What had been a blessing started to seem like a burden.  As Marjory took her eyes off her purpose—gathering food and feeding her fellow ants—she became more and more discontent in her duty.  The crumb began to feel 10 times heavier than it had when she had first picked it up.  As Marjory’s thoughts continued on the path of “what ifs” and “if onlys”, her pace slowed.

Suddenly, Marjory felt her world grow dark.  A shadow had blocked out the sun and covered her whole world. Something…something really big…was behind her…or beside her…or…Marjory stopped walking…and just waited.

A foot stretched down out of the sky towards Marjory.  A large, sneakered foot.  Marjory started to scream.  So this was how she would die.  She closed her eyes and braced herself for the worst.  As the foot touched the ground, she felt a rumble in the ground beneath her…but she wasn’t dead.  She peeked through her half-closed eyes…the foot had come to within a millimeter or two of where she stood with her crumb.

As Marjory’s breathing started to slow back down to normal, she couldn’t help but be thankful that she was alive.  She was alive!  Suddenly, her lot in life didn’t seem so bad, after all.

As Marjory became focused once again on her purpose, she once again carried her crumb proudly.  Her load felt manageable, and even a blessing, as she realized that she was alive and able to do the job she was designed to do.  She continued on her journey across the patio with a new sense of purpose.

Ahhh…silly story, is it not?  Ants do not have feelings and they probably have no concept of what the other creatures in their world are doing.  But, in my imaginary world, I can imagine a worker ant being a little disgruntled about having to do all of that work, while it appears that other creatures are given much more fun and interesting things to do.

Can you see the similarity?  I am not going to write a whole lot more, but I will say this:  When we remove our eyes from the purpose God has given us—whether it be to raise a family or to fix a machine or sing in front of millions—and place it on those who we think have it so much better, we lose focus.  Let’s keep it all in perspective and remember how good we have it.  Wherever we are and whatever we are called to do…right here…right now.

Water in the Basement

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Last week brought record flooding to the Eastern United States. Water gushed into the basements of thousands. Carpet and furniture were ruined. TVs, computers, and video game consoles were rendered useless. Photos, toys, clothing, and boxes of Christmas decorations all needed to be sorted through–many of the items tossed into the trash dumpsters that needed to be ordered for the occasion.

Now tell me this–what would happen if someone just decided not to clean up the mess created by the water? What if they just decided to shut the basement door and ignore that it ever happened?

Of course the whole home would become uninhabitable rather quickly. The smell itself would drive out the homeowners. But along with that would come mold and mildew and creatures and sludge. And then, if someone was crazy enough to continue living there, bacteria, infection, and disease would eventually make their presence known.

But, of course, this is a ridiculous line of thought, right? No one in their right mind would let it go this far.

However–

While we might not allow things to rot in our basements, let’s think about our relationships for a minute.

Many of us–maybe even all of us–try to ignore things in our relationships with spouses, children, parents, or friends. We just think if we ignore it it will go away. But would that horrible stench in our basements go away if we just ignore it? Of course not. So why then do we think the problem in our relationship will disappear?

I think this is often the underlying cause of those later-in-life divorces. You know the ones–where they have been married for 25 or 30 years and then, suddenly, out of the blue, the one spouse wants out and the other one never saw it coming. I guarantee you that somewhere in the hazy craziness of all that is going on with that couple, one of them made a decision to ignore something that was really bothering them.

Another example that comes to mind is our teenagers. So many of us just want to ignore the trash on the iPod or the inappropriate texting. Because for the moment, it it the easiest thing to do. But ignoring things like this will lead us to big-time regret.

But it is so much work.

But it is too hard.

But I don’t feel like it.

But I hate conflict.

But it just isn’t worth it to fight.

But I give up.

But I am tired and do not have the energy to deal with this.

But, but, but…

I am afraid we cannot afford the “buts”!  What if the basement was flooded and the homeowner pronounced those words?

“I am too tired. It is too hard. It is not worth it. ”

That would be ludicrous, would it not? Why then is it okay for us to do this when we have an issue in a relationship?

Many a marriage has ended in divorce, many a teenager lost to the world, and many friends forever parted–all because someone was not willing to say, “hey, I love you, but this is a problem. Let’s figure this out together, because you are worth it to me.”

Do you have a stench in one of your relationships? Is mold and mildew growing there? Is there a mess that needs to be cleaned up? I know it will be hard work. But it is worth it! Let’s care for and protect our relationships, just like we care for and protect our homes!

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