Struggles

Wednesday Wisdom: Five Lessons I’ve Learned From My Husband

2 Comments / August 26, 2015

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My husband isn’t a writer. But he has taught me a lot, nevertheless. Today I am going to share with you a few of the valuable lessons I have learned from him. I didn’t bring these qualities to marriage and now I can honestly say, that while I don’t have these perfected, I have changed a lot for the better.

1.   Don’t sweat the small stuff. He’s taught me not to get excited about the small stuff, because it isn’t worth the time, energy, or emotion. You have a flat tire? Just fix it and move on. There is a mouse in the house? Well, let’s set a trap and see if we can catch it. A customer is upset? Okay, let me call them and see what’s going on. Not too much ruffles his feathers. When we first got married, my feathers were very easily ruffled, so his approach took some getting used to for me. Eric has helped me see the uselessness of ruffled feathers.

2.   So you don’t feel 100%? You still have a job to do. Get up and do it. I was one who would lay down on the sofa at the first inkling of not feeling well. But not Eric. He could have the stomach flu and he’d be working, because there was work to do. I learned that I could probably work through that headache or queasy stomach. By the way, I think he has learned from me that sometimes he needs to stop and let his body heal. We were definitely two extremes of this when we got married.

3.   Something bad has happened? Let’s view it as a challenge and figure out how to fix it/change it/get through it. He has definitely taught me to view trials and challenges as ways to grow and change. And if you can’t figure it out, well, then you pray about it and get through it as best you can.  Dwelling on the past, floundering in the murky waters of darkness, just isn’t an option.

4.   It is always more effective to use honey than vinegar in any conversation. The use of respect and kindness is always the better choice in a difficult conversation than frustration and anger. This has been especially shown in his dealings with his customers. I would get frustrated that someone wasn’t paying and call them with that “tone” in my voice. Eric taught me that the “tone” doesn’t help me at all.

5.   Look at the bright side. The Life is Good company has a t-shirt with a glass that is filled half-way and written above it are the words “half full”. That is my husband. The glass is always half full. Most situations have a good side to them. For example, a few months ago, as I bemoaned the kids growing older and the life changes that will come with that, he reminded me of all of the good times he and I will have together after they have started their own lives.  It is all in perspective.

We have all learned lessons from our spouses, if we take a moment to think about it. One of the cool (and enormously frustrating!) things about marriage is that God often puts two opposite people together. If we can focus on learning from them instead of being irritated by them, it is so helpful. Of course, I still get irritated and I am still learning. But it is amazing what rubs off in 24 years.

What lessons have you learned from your spouse?

The Buzzing Fly

Leave a Comment / September 24, 2012

I was reading in my bed.  It was after 10:30 pm and I was comfortably snuggled in for the night with book in hand.  That is, until the fly came around. You know the kind I mean – the kind that buzz around your head loudly and incessantly and move so quickly you can hardly spot them.  At first, I tried to ignore it.  But it was impossible.  It seemed to have some special attraction for my head and would not go away. Irritation set in.  Why now?  Why won’t it just go away? But I got myself out of bed and grabbed a fly swatter and then set up watch.

I am glad no one was watching, because I am sure I looked ridiculous standing there in my pajamas with a fly swatter poised up in the air, just waiting for the annoying fly to land somewhere.  This went on for several minutes but the thing never landed.  It just flew quickly to and fro.

But then I stopped to listen.  I didn’t hear any buzzing.  Perhaps it had left?  I looked around in the light shed by just a single lamp in the room. I couldn’t see it.  I couldn’t hear it.  I sighed and climbed back in bed, the fly swatter within arms’ length, just in case.

I started reading again and enjoyed a few moments of peace and quiet.  A few moments.  Until that crazy fly returned, ruining my peace once again.

This reminds me so much of how it works with problems we don’t want to deal with. We are comfortable…but then our teenager says something worrisome or we hear something disturbing about a family member.  Oh well, perhaps it’s nothing to worry about.  And then we hear something else or perhaps someone even comes to talk to us about a problem they see.  But we don’t want to rock the boat and so the buzzing continues. And then, quite suddenly, the buzzing goes away for awhile and we think the problem has disappeared.  Just about the time we are starting to let our guard down, it shows up again, worse than ever.

You see, most problems won’t just disappear.  If we don’t face them head on, they are not only likely to come back around, they are probably going to get worse.  Unlike a fly that is limited in the damage it can do and is simply an annoyance with a really short life span, problems can blossom into huge things that will change our lives, if we aren’t careful.

A teenager that is interested in an unbeliever can turn into a troubled marriage.

A young adult who gives no care to a budget can turn into a debt-laden adult, struggling to just survive.

A person who gives in to their passion for eating can turn into an obese person who can’t fit in airplane seats or amusement park rides.

A teenager that hangs around with the wrong friends can turn into a pregnant teen or drug user.

A husband that spends too much time online has become the cause of many a divorce.

A wife that flirts with a co-worker becomes the beginning of an affair.

These are just a few of the scenarios that play themselves out if we don’t deal with issues head on.  It is so much easier, in the short-term, to just bury our heads in the sand.  But, oh, the devastating consequences of not dealing with things when they are manageable, instead of waiting until it is almost too late (for nothing is ever “too late” for God).

Of course, there are some times when it is better to wait it out and practice patience while we watch and pray.  And so that is the tricky place we find ourselves in.  But, let’s remember, that watching and praying is doing something, too.

What we don’t want to do is simply ignore problems.

As for that fly, I can’t even remember what happened (isn’t that pathetic?! the sad truth about my 40-something memory) But whatever happened, it did teach me a lesson that evening.

The Blind Spot

2 Comments / September 20, 2012
My car looked a little something like this
– only it was rust-colored!

When we first got married, we owned a rust-colored Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme.  It was a large car, which was fairly typical for the 80’s. The thing about that car is that it had a terrible blind spot.  The back windows were just tiny and there was a large area that made it hard to see if a car was coming.  Very hard.  So one day, as I came to a stop sign at a “Y”, I looked both ways. I pulled out and almost instantly heard a great crash. When it was all over, I had hit a car – a brand new red sports car the driver had just picked up.  Needless to say she, understandably, was absolutely furious with me. It was one of the worst feelings in the world.  I never saw her or her bright red car.

Blind spots are the worst. After that, I took even greater care making sure that I looked both ways and I never did have an accident again (in that car, at least!)  Blind spots are not just in cars, either.  We often see blind spots in people, too.  Everyone sees a very noticeable issue in someone’s life, but the person with the issue just can’t see it.  It may be a naughty or precocious child or a teenager that parents think is perfect (children seem to often be our blind spot, don’t they?)  But it could also be a streak of anger or self-indulgence or rebellion that the person can’t see in themselves, but is glaringly obvious to everyone else.  It may be a lack of discipline in finances or eating or drinking, that someone is blinded to think is under control, even though everyone around them knows it is not. It may even be how someone views God’s Word – as if they are the authority and whatever they believe it to say is “truth”, giving no heed to historical Christianity or the interpretation of godly men. They are blinded by their own arrogance and pride.

Blind spots can cause a lot of problems. We don’t want to speak and offend. And, oftentimes, if we do – in the case of dear family members and friends – they can’t see it, anyway, and it just causes a rift in the relationship. So I am not here to write about the blind spots of others but, instead, about our own blind spots.  How do we make sure we aren’t hindered and hurting others by our own blind spots?  How do we make sure to live a life pleasing to the Lord despite the inevitable blind spots?

Here are a few suggestions:

1.  Ask the Lord to show you any area where you may be blinded. Ask Him to make it clear to you if you are not seeing your children, or your faults, or His Word with clarity and accuracy.  I have prayed this prayer many a time.  Sometimes I didn’t really like the answer!  Sometimes the truth hurts. But, in the long run, it hurts a lot less than living under false beliefs.

2.  Stay in God’s Word.  For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)  The Bible shows us where we are blind.  If we read and study it, it pierces our soul with conviction.  If we are listening to godly preaching, we are made aware of areas we need to grow. Only through keeping ourselves immersed in God’s Word, studying and listening to biblically solid and strong preaching and teaching are we challenged to keep growing in the faith.

3.   When the Lord does show you a blind spot, be humble enough to accept it and then work to change it.  It is so hard to be teachable, isn’t it?  My first instinct is to lash out in a defensive spirit or blame others. But it is only by being teachable that we can become better people and grow more like Christ. And once we become aware of something (through prayer and God’s Word) it is much easier to recognize it when it crops up. For instance, I recognize, all these years later, that if I am tired or hormonal, I get very grumpy. I used to deny it (silly of me) and blame everyone else for my bad day, but now I am fully aware of this tendency and, while I still get grumpy, I am realistic about it’s origin and try my best to keep it short-lived.  This is because I am looking at it realistically and with open eyes, instead of blindly blaming other people for what is my own problem.

 

Do you have a blind spot today? It is my guess that we all have them – even if they are not obvious to the world around us.  Through prayer and God’s Word we can become aware of them and then the Holy Spirit will comfort and guide us as we work at changing and fixing problem areas.  The Christian life is hard work, but the rewards are great. It is so important to keep this in mind, in our mega-instant world, as we continue to grow more like Christ in a very “anti-Christ” world.

Wednesday Wisdom: Hell on Earth

8 Comments / April 8, 2015

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I recalled again Richard’s words: Hell is to sit alone in darkness remembering past sins. Old memories burned like fire. You had no defense – no books, no radios, no distraction, no place to go when they came buzzing at you. Here self-deception ceased. Theories about new moral concepts didn’t help. Here you knew that the new morality was the old lasciviousness. Helena’s remorse was terrible. I knew what she was feeling. 

Nearly every woman in prison felt similar burning remorse. Nearly everyone was religious in some degree. Outspoken atheists surprised themselves by calling on God. Everyone wished to have her prayer heard.

But their prayers were wrong. It was like praying that two and two should be something other than four. Accumulation of sins can only bring unhappiness and remorse. It was over sexual feelings-adulteries, betrayals, abortions- that regret was most poignant. Women longed to talk about it and ease the pain. I remembered the words of David who had committed such a sin: “Blessed is he…whose sin is covered” (Psalm 32:1).  So covered by God that there is no need to uncover it before men.

This is from a book by Sabina Wurmbrand entitled The Pastor’s Wife. The book is Sabina’s story of her life and imprisonment under the communist regime in Romania. Her experiences are far beyond anything I could imagine. While she is at Labor Camp, a detestable and horrifying place, she tells of some of the women there who are without Christ.

As we read her reflections above, we can’t help but turn our thoughts inward. How about us? How would we fare languishing in prison or labor camp without any distractions? No iPhones, no computers, no TVs, no movies, no radios? Where would our thoughts turn when all we had to do was think during the dark, lonely hours in a room full of strangers? What sins would haunt us? What choices and decisions would we regret?

How would we find a spirit of gratitude and compassion amidst all of the turmoil and filth?  Could we sing praises in the midst of starvation?  Would we be thankful if we lacked almost every comfort we have now?  Could we maintain our Christian testimony while trudging over miles of plains to get to work and then baking in the hot sun, hoeing for the whole day, without any water?

And, as I read of her experiences, there was another question I had to seriously ask myself: How much of God’s Word would I remember if I were thrown into prison without access to a written copy? I felt ashamed to admit the truth.

I believe that in this day and age, we are so lost in our distractions. We drink and eat and take pills to medicate ourselves and our pain. We watch movies, read books, and go to concerts in an effort to escape our real lives. But what if our real lives – the lives we are living right at this very moment – is all that we have?  Sabina Wurmbrand goes on to talk about a society lady a few paragraphs later:

“What’s your conclusion?” she asked, brushing back her greasy hair with a gesture that belonged to her “smart-set” days. “You’ve seen it all- what do you think? For myself, I’ve only one thought left: if I could go free, I’d live happily on a crust for the rest of my life.”

Like many of her type, she had a deep sense of guilt for frittering her life away. Often she’s spoken to me hesitatingly, hinting at some inner torment that she’d like to reveal. 

Guilt for frittering her life away. Wow – that hit me hard.  Am I frittering my life away? Am I doing anything that matters with the time I have been given? This is such an important question to ask ourselves.

And, so, most of us sit here reading this thinking we would never find ourselves in prison or labor camp. This is America, after all. Who really cares?  How does this matter?  But I believe Sabina’s words beg us to answer two questions—

1. Am I deceiving myself?

2. What am I doing with my life that matters?

 

Do you care more about others than you do about yourself?

3 Comments / September 10, 2012

A few months ago, I ran into an acquaintance from my son’s baseball days. Our boys had played the sport together years before and we had completely lost track of each other after that.  When we saw each other we smiled with recognition and started to chat. Only the chatting was very one-sided. I asked about her kids and she told me everything. Apparently, anything that had happened to my kids was unimportant.

And then a little bit later, I found myself in a conversation with someone I hadn’t talked with before. Again, the conversation was one-sided, as I asked about her history and her family and her life. There was no interest expressed in my life whatsoever.

Both my husband and I have noticed that, in the last few years, this has become a rather regular occurrence for both of us. When we run into people, most are very interested in talking about themselves and will take the time to answer any question you ask.  But when the conversation is over and they walk away, not even one question or thought was expressed that showed any interest in us.

Now, let me be clear -it is not the lack of interest in my life that concerns me. While it can be hurtful to appear so unimportant to someone, it doesn’t really matter in the scope of life.  But what I am concerned about is the lack of interest we show in the lives of others, in general.  I, myself, have been guilty of being the one doing all of the talking, as well. I will have spent the last twenty minutes talking and answering questions with someone and after I walk away I realize that I never once asked them anything or expressed any interest in their affairs. The next time I see that person, I will try to make up for the one-sidedness of the previous conversation.

Do you agree with me that their seems to be a great lack of concern for others in our busy culture?  You see, many people are so willing to discuss their own affairs, but have no interest in anyone else’s.  And this shows itself when we have conversations with others. Think about the last conversation you had on the sidelines of the soccer field, in the lobby at church, or when you ran into someone at the store.  Did you take the time to ask them questions and find out about their life? Or did you simply talk about yourself?

The Bible tells us that we are to look out not only for our own interests, but also for the interests of others.  We are to do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind we are to consider others better than ourselves. (Philippians 2:3-4).  Paul knew that our natural inclination is to only care about ourselves.  But, as Christians, we are to think beyond ourselves and to genuinely care about those around us.  This care should show itself, not only on mission trips and in soup kitchens, but in everyday conversations.

We should be more interested in what someone else has to say than in listening to our own voice.  We should genuinely care when a friend or acquaintance opens their mouth to speak.

The next time we have a few minutes to talk, let’s think of a few questions we can ask to show that we genuinely care about the person we are speaking with.  And when they don’t return the favor…well, then let’s know that this is a ministry and that we are doing the right thing in the eyes of the Lord.

My Held Hand

2 Comments / September 6, 2012

The adorable two year old skipped by her daddy’s side.  She was trying awfully hard to behave and when daddy reached for her hand, she said “No!” and pulled away.  Thankfully, she had a very wise daddy who insisted. He grabbed her hand and together they walked along.  As they walked, in her excitement and immaturity, she would slip and almost fall but her daddy would hold her up. When she strayed to look at some interesting distraction, he would gently guide her back onto the path. And when a car came swerving around the corner, daddy whisked her out of the way.  He could do that because he was strong. Way stronger than the little girl.

Isn’t this just like God?  I was challenged by just this illustration last night at church. So often I try to do it all by myself. I skip along and ignore God and then I get discouraged when I can’t do it. But, if I am a believer, God is there to protect, comfort, and guide–just like that little girl and her daddy.  When we fall, God is there to pick us up.  Where we are weak, He is strong.  And when we stray off the path, if we hold tight to His hand and follow Him, He will get us back where we need to be.

I don’t know about you, but as I was listening last night, I felt a wave of relief  upon hearing that.  Funny thing was, I knew all of this already.  But, here lately, I had been trying to win some of my battles on my own.

I am ready to give my best this morning with the knowledge that someone far greater and more powerful than myself is always there – to catch me, to guide me, and to steady me.  Thank you, Lord, for that reminder last night.

Jesus loves me, this I know.  For the Bible tells me so.  Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  The Bible tells me so.

Wednesday Wisdom: The Words of My Mouth

Leave a Comment / September 5, 2012

I am currently reading a wonderful book called 40 Days to Healthy Living, written by author Danna Demetre.   We only think of healthy living in the physical sense, but this book has some very insightful points on living healthy spiritually, as well.  As I was reading “Day 18”,  I knew it was what I would have to share with you today.  I do not normally recommend a book before I have completed it. However, I have been so thoroughly impressed with this author’s handling of both the spiritual and the physical side of our health, that I am counting on her to continue to do so through the end (I’ll let you know if the book doesn’t live up to my expectations!)  

Nourish Your Spirit— The Words of My Mouth

Matthew 15: 18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man “unclean.” 

The mouth can cause us so much trouble. From putting too much food in to letting the wrong words out, it is often a key player in many of our challenges. Too often, we say something before we’ve passed our thoughts through the filter of God’s truth. Words that tear down and wound don’t please God. Words that gossip or slander don’t either. Yet it is so easy to want to share a juicy tidbit about someone or pass on some interesting news in the cloak of a “prayer request.” I wonder how many of these kinds of prayer requests were ever really prayed about.

It seems if we can get to the root of controlling our mouth and our tongue, which we are told in James 3: 6 “corrupts the whole person,” we may be able to control our entire self. Our verse above says that what comes out of our mouths actually originates in our hearts. If we want to know the state of our own hearts, perhaps we should listen more carefully to not only the words we are speaking but also the silent conversations we are having inside our own minds. In the Bible, the word heart refers to the soul. And the mind is the soul’s pilot. As we have already learned, our words are by-products of our thoughts, and our thoughts originate from our beliefs. If we want our hearts to be pure and have words that flow naturally from our mouths, we must change our thinking.

If the words we are speaking are tearing down more than building up, we definitely need some “heart surgery,” which begins by identifying the lies we believe so they can be excised from our minds. These are the “unclean” things that Matthew is speaking about.

Angry words come out of an angry heart and despairing words out of a desperate heart. Whatever negative, destructive words seem to flow out of our mouths freely and regularly reveal the condition of our hearts. But the opposite is true as well. Kind words flow from a kind heart, lovely words from a loving heart. By identifying our negative emotions and words, we can begin the process of transformation as we replace that which tears down with that which builds up.

As with all spiritual concerns, this is not a matter of self-control but rather of surrender and transformation. It took time for those lies to become imbedded, and it will take some time to dislodge them. As our hearts and minds become purified, so do our thoughts and our words. And surprisingly, a changed heart may also produce changed appetites for food and other things, as the “mouth” may no longer need to try to fill the gaps of a damaged heart.

Demetre, Danna (2012-03-01). 40 Days to Healthy Living (pp. 217-218). Baker Book Group. Kindle Edition.

 

You can find this book on Amazon here.  As of the date of this post, the hard copy only costs $6.99 and the Kindle edition is only $5.38.  If you have been struggling with the topic of living a healthy life, this is definitely worth the few dollars!

Safe or on the edge?

9 Comments / August 30, 2012

Have you ever seen one of those TV nature shows about lions and their prey?  On the TV screen we see hundreds of  innocent wildebeests standing there innocently while a lion quietly prowls on the edge of the herd looking for the weaker ones.  The lion waits and watches.  A few of the wildebeests look up and sniff the air, sensing that something isn’t right.  A sense of unrest permeates the air.  And then, at just the right moment, the lion starts running towards the pack at high speed.  This sets them all in a frenzy and they start running – all of them – in the same direction.  Unfortunately, there are always a few stragglers.  They are sickly, or weak and old, or perhaps young and naive. We watch as the lions chooses his prey and then pounces on it.  His powerful claws rip into its fur and take it down to its knees. And then he uses his powerful jaws to kill the poor, innocent creature.  About that time, they break to commercial and we are left feeling sad and sorry for the ill-fated beast that met death so violently.

Did you ever think about why Peter talks about the devil being like a lion?   I Peter 5:8 says: Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.  

I think Peter wrote that because he knows that we are just like those wildebeests.  Some of us are leaders in the pack and we are the ones that shout “run” and lead the pack away from danger.  Others of us aren’t leaders but we are careful to keep ourselves protected by keeping our eyes open and staying safely away from the edges.  And then there are those of us who just seem to always want to be occupying the edge.  We are crippled and weak spiritually and we can’t keep up with the group. Or we are naive and think we don’t need Jesus to help us live on a daily basis, trying to make it on our own strength.

And then there are those who are weak just because of where they find themselves in life.  Some are young and naive and need our protection from pride and foolish choices as they grow in discernment and wisdom.  Some are old and weak and need our help to protect them from falling prey to things like depression, loneliness, and self-pity.

I know it is not very flattering to compare people to a great big bunch of wildebeests, but I find it amazing how God directed Peter to write that verse about the devil.  We can never forget that the devil is seeking to devour us!  He is setting temptations before us and he is spotting the weak and sickly Christians among us.  And while he can never take our salvation away, he is trying to destroy our faith and render us ineffective for the cause of Christ.  He is trying to steal our joy and our peace.  He is trying to extinguish our gospel light.

The sad thing is we often allow him to do so, don’t we?  We become so disenchanted with life and so frustrated by outward circumstances that we are often rendered ineffective.  Or we become so enamored with the world that we lose sight of what is most important in life.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be one of those poor creatures on the edges.  I would prefer to remain safely among godly Christian friends and leaders.  I want to help encourage and protect. But it is only by relying on Jesus  and filling our minds with His Word and praying without ceasing that we can elude the clutches of the roaring lion.

Mind Clutter

Leave a Comment / August 27, 2012

On Saturday the girls and  I spent a good part of our day cleaning our shop office for an upcoming Open House.  It hadn’t been cleaned for years so it was extremely dirty.  We scrubbed and swept and sprayed.  As we cleaned we came across old catalogs and coffee makers and phone books.  The cabinets and shelves were filled with things that no one ever uses anymore.  We started piling the unused things in two piles – to give away and to burn.  All of that stuff took up precious room in our office and was serving no purpose whatsoever.  A couple of hours after we had begun, we were able to walk away from that office knowing we had not only cleaned it but cleared it of the unnecessary clutter, as well.  It was a good feeling.

Of course, as usual, that got me thinking.  Do we do that in our minds, too?  Could it be that it is time to do a good cleaning of our minds and rid it of the clutter that has settled there?   Things like:

–Opinions and feelings formulated about others before we really knew them.  Maybe we never even gave them a chance because we made an assumption about them ten years ago.

–Past hurts and failures that keep popping up whenever we try to accomplish anything.  Oh, I know there are some things we can never forget, but those things belong in the basement of our minds…not in family room where we see them every time we turn around.

–Awards, special prizes, and trophies.  I know the world would tell you to keep these things at the very forefront of your mind to help you remember how special you are, but I would beg to differ.  I find that these things tend to lead to pride and arrogance and it is better if they, too, are packed away in the basement.

–Grudges, resentments, and ill will towards others.  These things need to be put on the burn pile.  Burn them up and leave them in the ashes.  They do no good to anyone.  I am truly shocked at how many Christians hold grudges.  Someone didn’t treat my child right on the soccer team…a teacher who didn’t understand my child…An unfair boss…malicious gossip behind my back…a misunderstood comment directed my way…we rationalize that any real or imagined offense directed towards us or someone we love gives us the right to hold a grudge.  But may I remind you– grudges are truly worthless.  They not only are worthless but they often cause great harm. They deserve no space in our minds whatsoever.

–Worry and Fear take up needless amounts of effort, energy, and mind space, don’t they?  They crowd our minds sometimes until we can’t even focus on anything else.  They, too, need to be put on the burn pile.  We would be much better off to fill the shelves of our minds with Trust and Faith.

And so, many of us have our minds cluttered with this stuff instead of leaving that space for the good things.  Philippians 4:8 is one of my favorite verses:

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Let’s think on things that encourage and edify and help us to grow in our relationships with God and others.  Life is just too short to spend it with a cluttered mind.

Invisible Pain

Leave a Comment / November 1, 2012

All of us will have times in our lives where we suffer pain that is very obvious to those around us – the illness or death of a loved one, a fire that destroys our possessions, a wayward child, or a divorce.  But then there are the times that we suffer very invisibly.

Everything looks like it should be okay from the outside looking in.  And no one could guess that we are falling apart on the inside.  Invisible pain may be due to a chronic illness that we choose not to discuss.  It may be due to a marriage that is falling apart inside the home, but maintains its perfect picture to those outside of it.   It may be the betrayal of a friend or family member.  Or it may be a high stress job where we are called to compromise our faith or perhaps we are even living under the threat of losing a job.  Many times it is as simple as there isn’t enough money to pay the bills and it’s causing great turmoil in our home.  It may even be struggling through the consequences of past sin that only we know about – an abortion, a child put up for adoption, an affair.  Whatever it is, it is personal and private and only those closest to us realize we are suffering.  And maybe we haven’t told another soul…maybe only God knows.

There is one certain thing about invisible pain:  it is a lonely place to be.   Whether we are watching a soccer game, working at our job , or shopping for groceries, the invisible pain follows us.  It is constantly just a thought away in our minds.  And yet we remain silent.

This has happened to me several times throughout my life.  I was suffering deeply and to the rest of the world everything looked perfect.  I have learned from those experiences that looks can be deceiving.  I can’t automatically assume that all is perfect in someone else’s world just because it looks like it is to me. It makes me think of one of those bright, shiny, red apples.  It looks perfectly delicious.  You can’t imagine it being anything other than fresh and crunchy inside.  And then you take that first bite. The apple is tasteless and sandy.  Just because everything looks perfect on the outside, doesn’t mean it is perfect on the inside.

We may not be in the position to know what is going on in their life, but it is important to have a realistic view of people.  All people struggle through tough times.   There is no one alive – whether they live in a 45,000 square foot mansion in Hollywood or a hut in Haiti– who doesn’t face tough times at one time or another.  We all do.  And many of our struggles are not noticeable to the rest of the world. We can never assume that someone who looks put together on the outside feels the same way on the inside.

So let’s be kind and considerate in our relationships with each other, always edifying and encouraging.  And if we find out that someone is struggling silently, let’s come along side and offer our love and support instead of gossip and malicious words behind their back. Let’s share the love of Jesus, so that we will never be filled with regret in how we treated someone.  It is likely that you will run into someone who is struggling through incredible, invisible pain today.  Brighten their day with a warm smile and an encouraging word.  And let’s be careful not to make assumptions about others.

I Thessalonians 5: 14-15 Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.

P.S. I can’t help think, as I write this, about my run-in with the old man at the mall this week.  I wish I would have responded differently. I actually wrote this blog post before that happened, and I am finding myself filled with regret at not handling that with a smile and kind words.  Just because I can write good things, doesn’t mean I always live them.  Please…never hold me up as any kind of perfect model.  I wish I was, but alas, I am just a woman who loves the Lord and likes to write.

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