Relationships

The Other Side of the Equation

7 Comments / May 31, 2018

On Monday I wrote about the “Tactless Art of Making People Feel Small”. In that post I shared how important it is that we treat others as we want to be treated instead of acting like we are better than they are. It was an important post because it’s an easy (and acceptable) sin to commit. I hope you will take the time to read it if you haven’t done so yet.

Ironically…

On Tuesday (the day after that post was written), I was planting flowers for a few of our customers. I actually don’t do a whole lot of on-the-job work for our landscaping company but planning and planting the flowers in the busy month of May is something my husband has asked me to do.

Our second job of the day took us to the house of a customer who has mastered the art of making others feel small. We just know that this is the case with him and I tried to prepare myself for his condescension and abrasive attitude. While we were there he came out of the house and got into this car that was parked in the driveway. I glanced over with a smile and a ready wave, but he completely and absolutely ignored my daughter and me planting flowers in his front yard as he drove away in his {very expensive} car. And, yes, I’m pretty sure he knew we were there. That’s just the kind of guy he is. This is not the first time this kind of thing has happened and I am sure it won’t be the last. Unfortunately.

But my reason for writing is not this customer’s treatment of me. Rather, it is about my very wrong reaction to his treatment of me.

I was actually rather surprised at the intensity of the feelings that stirred up in my heart against him. Who does he think he is? The smallness I felt was almost tangible and my first reaction was indignation and animosity towards him.

The Holy Spirit almost immediately convicted me as I realized that this man doesn’t know the Lord. He is lost in his sins and my sinful anger won’t help Him to know my Savior but, in fact –should he ever find out my bad attitude towards him–would serve to drive him away from Christ. This really had me thinking as I sat there digging holes in the dirt and planting pink supertunias.

You see, there is another side to this equation of making someone feel small and that is: How we respond when someone makes us feel small. Because I think we have all been there. Whether it’s a customer who thinks they are better than us, an arrogant co-worker or boss who is constantly demanding things from us, a friend who directs unkind, sarcastic remarks at us, or any other countless situations that remind us that there are those who think we just aren’t important, all of us have been there at one time or another.

And how do we respond? Actually, don’t answer that. If you are like me, you won’t be very proud of the answer.

So let’s, instead, go to the Bible and see how we should respond–

First, Jesus tells us to love our enemies in Matthew 5:44: But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.

While this is talking specifically about those who hate us, I think we can safely say that if we are to love those who hate us, we should do the same for those who would make us feel small. It is easy to build a lot of resentment and bitterness towards someone who does this because it feels so very personal. But, instead, we must forgive and then forgive again. We must let the remarks roll off our backs without building up a mountain of anger inside that festers.

In fact, Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:21-22 that we are to continue to forgive someone, even if they continue to hurt us: Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

This can be hard to do with someone who is making us feel so incredibly unimportant and small.

(And if I may go down a quick bunny trail–I had to wonder why I was so angry about this as I stood in the front yard with my frozen smile on my face as I watched him drive away. And I realized it is that ugly old sin of pride cropping up yet again!! It revealed my own ugly self-importance that will probably plague me my whole life. And it makes me glad, once again, for a wonderful Savior who covers my sin and makes me right before God.)

And, second, I think it’s important we take it a step further as we respond to people like this by remembering that something is going on. While many of us struggle with making people feel small on occasion, there are those who do this to us all the time, which makes it harder to forgive. And yet, we have to understand that if someone is living in a pattern of this type of behavior, we can know that they are either lost and headed to hell in their arrogance and pride or they are saved but struggle with a deep-seated problem of insecurity and the only way to make themselves feel better is to make others feel small. Either way, they should be the recipients of our forgiving loving-kindness that would echo the same forgiveness and loving-kindness that God showed us– But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.(Romans 5:8).

If we need to wait for someone to treat us kindly before we treat them kindly, we are doing it all wrong. God can fill us with His love for someone like this, if we only just ask Him.

And, finally, we have to remember to put ourselves on the back seat and consider our ultimate objective–to save those who are lost and to draw believers to the Word of God and to walk closer with Him. What reaction will best further this goal? Instead of worrying about our foolish pride, we must toss it aside as the rubbish it is and turn our eyes towards eternal matters. What does it matter if someone thought they were better than us if they end up in hell?? It is sobering to think how often we let self  keep us from our ultimate objective.

Anyway, these are all the things I have been thinking about since that incident on Tuesday. I am sure that some of you do not struggle in the same way with that ugly root of pride, but for those of you that do, I hope that this post has encouraged you. God’s Word has the answers, it is just a matter of obeying it. Therein lies the real challenge.

 

The Tactless Art of Making People Feel Small

2 Comments / May 28, 2018

There is a way to instantly get on someone’s bad side. This builds walls between parents and children and creates barriers between friends. It can ruin ministries and destroy relationships.

I have seen it take place between adult children and their elderly parents. And between teenagers and their bewildered parents. I have seen it take place between teacher and student, pastor and congregation member, husband and wife, and clerk and customer.

It isn’t talked about a whole lot as a sin, but it is a very real (and accepted) sin for which we need to be on guard at all times.

So what is it, you may ask?

It is the art of making people feel small. The great art of condescension, which is defined as an attitude of patronizing superiority; disdain.

Have you ever been around someone who has done this to you?

How did this make you feel?

I can tell you how it makes me feel. It makes me feel unimportant and ridiculous. It makes me feel that I have no more value than a bug to be squashed on the sidewalk.

I know I have done this to others myself and I mourn over this. Do you feel the same way? Some of us are more prone to this than others.

I am especially heart-broken when I see this happen between adult children and their elderly parents. The rolling eyes, the patronizing attitude as I watch an adult child treat their parent with such disdain just fills me with sadness. Shouldn’t someone who raised us be worthy of our respect?

Now, first let me state that I have not been in the place of taking care of elderly parents yet. All four of our parents are still very independent so please know that I am not casting a pointing finger of judgement at any of you. I know there are real challenges in being a caregiver for someone who resists your care.

Rather, what I hope to do with this post is to gently encourage you to consider your communication with and attitude towards your elderly parents. And your children. Your co-workers and fellow believers and family members and friends. And clerks and bank tellers and landscapers and the people who pick up your trash.

Because there is little more to crush the spirit of another than to act like you know everything and they know nothing. Anger and frustration quickly build when someone gives the impression that they are way more important than the other person. There are few things that will as quickly create barriers between people than for one person to make another one feel stupid.

I’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum on this. I used to be condescending on a regular basis with my husband. It shames me to say it, but it’s true. I am thankful that he brought this to my attention and that God has worked in my heart but I am still so imperfect in this area (as well as so many others!) And, as lowly landscapers, we often feel condescension from those who would never choose a laborious job such as working with their hands and digging in the dirt. Quite thankfully, we have so many wonderful customers that make up for those that would treat us like dirt–no pun intended!! ;)

And, as is the case with all sin, the ugly root of this sin is pride. And, once again, we see clear evidence that–

Pride destroys and humility repairs

Pride builds walls and humility tears them down

Pride leads to dissension and humility leads to harmony

 

Another thing we need to keep in mind in regards to condescension is that it can be done with a big smile and sweet words. Have you ever run into one of those people that appear so sweet and kind but underneath it is hardened pride that keeps you from having any productive conversations with them? They are condescending but it is in the nicest way. In some ways this is the art of making people feel small at its finest. It can be done while still maintaining a godly and wholesome reputation.

So how do we keep ourselves from falling prey to this sin? What can we do to make sure we don’t patronize others? These are two things that I have found helpful, so I am passing them along–

1. Remember how Jesus treated others.

Jesus was never patronizing with people. We read of so many accounts he had with others–Zaccheus, the Samaritan Woman, Nicodemus, and others and condescension is never conveyed by even the slightest word or deed. Even when Jesus was angry with the Pharisees for their false teaching, He demonstrated that anger in clearly communicated words and not through snide and sarcastic condescension. Jesus’s sinless example is the one we want to follow as we reflect on how we should treat others.

2. Treat others as you would want to be treated.

Mark 12:31 says this: And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Love your neighbor as yourself. How would you want someone to tell you a hard truth? How would you want your adult child to treat you if you were the elderly parent losing your ability to do things independently and your dignity right along with it? Imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes and really take to heart how you would want to be treated if you were them.

 

Remembering these two things will bring a big change in this area of condescension. Keeping these in mind will fill us with a special grace and thoughtfulness that will naturally yield an attitude of loving-kindness and gentleness towards others rather than an air of superiority and disdain.

So let’s discard the tactless art of making people feel small and develop the art of making people feel special! Let’s eliminate the destructive root of pride that yields a superior, patronizing disdain for others and, instead, develop godly humility that tears down barriers and builds relationships.

This is God’s will for all of us, so we know His Holy Spirit will guide and direct us as we seek to make changes. We know that this is a prayer that God will answer if we are seriously seeking to do what’s right. God will be with us all as we seek to build rather than to tear down and as we strive to make others feel important and loved rather than stupid and worthless.

 

 

 

The Smallest Crack

5 Comments / May 10, 2018

If you live in the country you know that mice can get in the smallest, teeniest, tiniest crack there is. They can slip under a door or scurry through a small hole in the wall. They will find any area that has not been sealed properly. Even when you think you have everything boarded up tight, you will find that mice will often find a way in. Especially in the fall when it’s starting to get cold.

As I was finishing up the final chapter of a *Bible Study based on the book of James last week, there was a list of questions given at the end that made me realize that pride is just like that mouse. It slips in quietly, often unnoticed, in the unsealed places of our hearts and minds. We had spent the last several chapters of the study learning about biblical humility and pride. James does not mince words, as we can see in chapter 4, verses 6–

But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:

“God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”

God resists the proud. And He gives grace to the humble. We already know this. But have we given thought recently to just how pride will slip in through even the smallest crack in our spiritual armor? It slithers in unbeknownst to us while we are patting ourselves on the back for not being prideful. It slides down into our hearts when we are least expecting it. Compliments and applaud and rewards make us even more vulnerable.

The more I study the Bible, the more I understand these three things: 1) how much God hates pride 2) just how deadly pride is to godly, righteous living and 3) how susceptible I am to it at all times.

As I worked on that final chapter and read through those questions, I thought that you all might appreciate this, as well. I think these questions are very revealing. They help us understand that pride isn’t simply boasting or having an arrogant attitude. It is so very much more than that, as we will see by this list of questions. At the end of the final chapter of his Bible Study on James, Steve Pettit says this–

Sometimes we view humility as the absence of outrageous vanity and boasting. But evaluating our pride should go much deeper than such surface observations. Consider the following questions (I have added a few comments in parentheses):

1.  Am I a critical person?

2. Do I regularly question authority?

3. Do I make fun of weaker, less privileged people?

4. Do I treat people differently based on their status? (Or on their wealth or their position in the company where I work or their leadership role at church?)

5. Am I dissatisfied with God’s Word as sufficient for life and godliness? (Or do I crave a supernatural experience that will make me feel special and important?)

6. Do I make plans without making the Lord the center of my life?

7. Do I shift blame instead of taking responsibility for my actions? (Do I get defensive if someone confronts me?)

8. Do I widely proclaim my views but rarely listen? (At home, at work, at church, on the sidelines–am I more concerned with being heard or with hearing others?)

9. Do I hold grudges instead of extending forgiveness?

10. Do I put up a front instead of confessing my faults to those who can help? (Do I confess my sins to God? To others? Am I willing to humbly apologize?)

11. Do I pray sparingly? (Lack of prayer indicates that we believe we can do life on our own.)

I don’t know about you, but this is quite a list! How did you do? Were you as convicted as me?? Does this list help you recognize that pride is something very real in your life? That it has seeped into the cracks of your armor–even when you didn’t realize it? Like that tiny mouse or a slithering poisonous snake, it slides through the smallest crack and takes up residence in our heart before we even know it.

Pettit gives this final paragraph–

The point of these questions is not to drive you to simply to do better. Answering yes to some of these questions is the first step toward repentance and receiving God’s grace, because a humble person is honest. He understands what David confessed–that God wants us to have integrity in our hearts (Psalm 51:6). Recognizing spiritual unfaithfulness and pride does not mean we pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. It means running to Christ for superabundant grace. It means humbling ourselves to get back on the path of wisdom from above.

We have to face the fact that we can’t fix ourselves. In this day and age of self-help, we think we should be able to. Removing ourselves from the path of earthly, human wisdom means discarding our pride and putting on humility, recognizing that only God can give us the grace and strength we need for permanent change and righteous living.

And then we must remain in the Word and keep our eyes open because that deadly pride will slip in through the cracks once again, as soon as we leave even the slightest chink in our armor. We will see it when we argue with our spouse. It will crop up when someone criticizes something we did. And when we are tempted to criticize someone else. It rears its ugly head when we are hurt and rejected, when someone tells us what to do, when someone compliments us, or when we get too busy to pray. It is a constant danger to all believers and we must be on the lookout at all times.

So, over the next few days, let’s reflect on how pride tends to manifest itself in our own lives. Let’s ask the Lord to grow us in humility. Let’s be sure to keep our spiritual armor on (Ephesians 6:10-20), so that we may withstand those arrows of temptation thrown at us every day. And let’s thoroughly and regularly examine our spiritual armor for chinks and gaps so that– while we are busy defending ourselves from the “bigger sins”–pride doesn’t slip in, quiet as a mouse, and take up residence in our hearts.

 

*From Wisdom from Above: A Study in James by Steve Pettit

An Unpleasant and Unpopular Truth

4 Comments / April 30, 2018

Narrow is the way

God, through the writing of Paul, gives us such a clear picture of what an unregenerate soul looks like. This is especially clear in the third chapter of Titus, but we find it in many other passages, as well.

I find it curious that–while this is so clear in scripture–so few pastors and teachers are willing to teach that this kind of life would indicate that someone is in danger of hellfire. It would appear that, if someone professes with their mouth that they are saved and yet has no fruit to back up that profession, we have adopted a “hands-off” approach, yielding to the politically-correct dogma that would teach that to challenge their profession of faith would be to demean, belittle, or even hate them.

But could anything be further from the truth? Wouldn’t the most loving thing to do in a situation like this be to show them the truth from God’s Word? Let’s take a look at how the Word describes unbelievers and believers. (When describing unbelievers it refers to ingrained patterns of behavior where there is no conviction, no confession, and no repentance and where there is no effort to remove oneself from temptation or the sinning behavior. Keep in mind that no person–believers included–can ever be sinless. The key is the battle. True believers hate sin and continue to fight it, always working, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to grow in their sanctification and holiness.)

Okay, let’s take a look at some of these passages–

For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. (Titus 3:3)

The unregenerate are foolish, disobedient, easily led astray, and slaves to various passions and pleasures. They pass their days in malice and envy. They are hated by others and they hate one another.

This is how the Word describes us before we are saved. As unpleasant as it is to contemplate, we have to admit that if someone lives like this–day in and day out–without any conviction or desire to change, we have to recognize that they are probably not saved, no matter what they say with their mouth. True belief is always revealed by actions.

Let’s think of this in terms of a marriage. If a husband says he loves his wife but then he cheats on her and abuses her and fills their home with the things she hates, then we have to conclude that he is only saying the words but doesn’t really mean them. His actions have not backed up his words.

Let’s go back to Titus 3. After describing the unredeemed, Paul then goes on to pen these verses–

4 But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. (Titus 3:4-7)

This is the difference that Jesus makes! Isn’t this a beautiful thought? We are redeemed and changed through God’s transforming power!

When we minimize the transformation of a saved soul through the blood of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit we diminish the miraculous and radical thing that salvation really is. When we don’t expect someone to grow or we nonchalantly classify someone as “definitely saved” when they give no evidence of it, we belittle the work that Jesus Christ did on the cross.

Let’s look at a few more verses that would indicate the differences between believers and unbelievers. I can think of no better place to go for this than Galatians 5:16-24–

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy,[d] drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do[e] such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Here we find a long and comprehensive list of the sins of the flesh. This whole list–like it or not–describes the unregenerate. How do I know this for sure? It is in verse 22 with that little word “but” where we can see that the fruits of the Spirit are in total opposition to the works of the flesh. Verse 24 clarifies further: And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. This is what believers do–we have crucified, we continue to daily crucify–the flesh. Any person who isn’t willingly doing this or isn’t even slightly interested in doing this is giving evidence that they very well may not be saved.

Look–I don’t take joy out of saying this. I wish it were different. But this is what the Word of God says. I know that this is an extremely unpopular message in today’s church. I do get that. In fact, just yesterday I saw a post by a very popular “Christian” blogger who declared on Twitter that she could never serve a God who would send most everyone to hell. The comment thread that followed made anyone who did believe in what the Bible teaches about hell look ridiculously archaic and incredibly stupid.

But should unpopularity keep us from speaking the truth as we find it in the Bible?

Galatians 5 would indicate that after we are saved and the Holy Spirit indwells us, our lives should increasingly show the fruits of the Spirit which are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Now none of us exhibit these fruits perfectly. And none of us live our new life in Christ without fighting some of these sins of the flesh. Some of us have victory in one of these areas, while others remain a lifelong challenge for us. But remember–the key is in the battle. This is the sin nature and we know that we will fight this battle against sin until the day we die (Romans 7:18-25). While this can be a discouraging thought, we also have these marvelous promises–

Romans 6:6 – Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.

2 Corinthians 5:17 – Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

Philippians 1:6 – Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform [it] until the day of Jesus Christ:

The battle with sin may be always with us but we never have to serve sin again. We have a new Master who walks with us, works in us for His glory, and we are new creatures living for God.

One who is regenerated gives evidence of this in their life. The one who is not saved lives for himself/herself.

How many people claim the name of Christ today and yet live wholly and fully for themselves? How many say they walked the aisle or said a prayer and yet haven’t given any evidence of a transformed life in Christ? The numbers that fall into this category are staggering. And yet, somehow, the church has sanctioned this and would criticize not the hypocrite but those who would reveal this tragic truth that is clearly taught in scripture (Matthew 7:15-20).

I would like to just add one final thing as I close and this is a really important aspect of this conversation: None of us knows what is going on in the heart of any person. Only God knows. I would never–and you should never–tell someone they aren’t saved. There is no possible way for us to know this and that is God’s job. But what we can do is lovingly point them to what God’s Word says about their lifestyle, behavior, or actions. We can pray for opportunities to talk with them about their lack of fruit or disinterest in living a holy life. We can open our eyes to the possibility that they might not be saved and begin diligently praying for them instead of living in the comfortable place of naive assumptions.

Because the stakes are high. So high.

We know of this danger because Jesus Christ makes it clear for us in these verses–

Matthew 7:14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

Matthew 7:21-23 Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

There are few sadder verses in scripture than these. Let’s take them to heart, dear reader. Not only for ourselves but for those we love. We never want to leave unsaid what could have–and should have– been said. Life is so fragile. I have become more aware of that than ever these last few weeks. When our loved ones are snatched away by that great thief, Death, we don’t want to be left with uncertainty when we ask that final question: Where are they now?

 

 

How Do I Respond to My Enemies?

2 Comments / April 23, 2018

So often Christians find themselves at odd with other Christians. There will be two true believers who just do not agree. Whether it’s a disagreement over something as simple as a remodeling project at church or it’s a deeper issue of how a certain scripture passage should be interpreted, we will always find someone that we will disagree with about something.

What keeps two people who disagree with each other from being enemies? What brings true Christian unity?

Please keep in mind that this post is referring to unity between true believers and not to the “fake” unity that warmly embraces all perversions of the Gospel and even religions that don’t adhere to the Gospel at all to be unified under the broad term of “Christianity”. We know that this kind of unity is not biblical, according to Galatians 1:9–

As we have said before, so now I say again, if anyone preaches any other gospel to you than what you have received, let him be accursed.

But there is something that is called true, Christian unity. This unity can only exist between brothers and sisters in Christ. This kind of unity keeps us moving toward the same goals and embracing the same purpose. This unity builds bridges instead of walls. It will fill Christians with loving concern for one another instead of filling them with grudges, resentment, and jealousy.

This sounds so wonderful, doesn’t it? But it is often hard to find. Why is this?

Why does someone decide they do not like someone?

Sometimes we don’t care for someone based on a shallow, silly thing. And then there are also better reasons, based on things like biblical error or a prideful, arrogant spirit that is consistently divisive.

But we have to ask ourselves: Are any of these reasons good enough? If you were to stand before God today and tell Him your reason for not liking a certain person, would He say, “Way to go, my child. I agree with you completely.” ??

Of course we know the answer, don’t we? Because we know that God is love. We shouldn’t view anyone as an enemy, much less a brother or sister in Christ.

Romans 12:8 puts it like this–

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

We should, to the best of our ability, work at being at peace with everyone, believer and non-believer. This verse naturally brings two thoughts to my mind.

First, what if someone won’t be at unity with me?

Of course, since we know that the world will hate us (John 15:19), we know that it isn’t always possible to be at peace with those in the world. But sometimes it is a fellow Christian who refuses to forgive us. Or perhaps they just don’t like us but won’t tell us why. What then? These kinds of situations are heart-breaking and lead to feelings of helplessness as we try to navigate the back-biting, the whispering, and the cold shoulders.

I have a friend who taught me an important lesson about this very thing. Our daughters were playing soccer together and something happened to her little girl that could have started some real drama on the team. And this was her advice to her daughter, “kill them with kindness”. I heard her say that so often when her daughter would feel slighted or frustrated about something. And then, following her example, I started to say this to my kids. Yes, this is what we are called to do.

In fact, Jesus takes it even further in Matthew 5:43-44, telling us to love them, bless them, do good to them, and to pray for them!–

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.

This is a tall order, is it not? But there it is. Commanded by Jesus in the Holy Bible. Instead of gossiping, instead of returning the coldness, instead of resentment or anger, we love, we bless, we do good things, and we pray for them.

But we do this because it is right, not because it will necessarily change anything. Let’s go back to the beginning of Romans 12:18–

“if it is possible, as much as it depends on you”

We know from these words that Paul realized it isn’t always possible. It is part of living life as a sinner, alongside sinners, in a fallen world. Sometimes we just have to follow Jesus’s words and find contentment even when there is no resolution and no forgiveness. A hard thing, indeed. But, you know what? This is just another thing that God uses to grow us and to teach us that we must find our peace and joy in Him alone.

Second, we won’t be best friends with everyone.

Even among truly unified Christian brothers and sisters, there will be those who are “kindred spirits” and those who are not. And that’s okay. But so often special friendships between Christians are viewed with resentment or jealousy. As believers we should realize that we will be better friends with some than others. It is how God designed us. Remember David and Jonathan? If you read I Samuel 18, you will realize that their friendship was very special. Once in a while, God will bring these special Christian friends into our world. They are true treasures and, instead of feeling jealous, we should be glad for others if they have found a special friend.

If we are still longing for this type of friendship, then pray and ask God to bring you a friend. I remember as a young mom feeling the need for this type of friend and so, unbeknownst to me, my mom started praying. And within a year or so of her prayers, God led me to Deb. We realized we were kindred spirits as we sat in a group of women and chatted and, shortly after, became best friends. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer if you need a friend!

And then there are those fellow Christians in our lives who could never be a kindred spirit. In fact, some of them drive us a little crazy. We may feel guilty if we don’t appreciate a Christian brother or sister like we know we should. What then?

God made us all different and certain personalities may grate on us. We may find them hard to get along with or their mannerisms alone might irritate us. They may be boastful or arrogant.

But if we take a look at Philippians 2:1-2, we have to acknowledge that God doesn’t give us any caveat for difficult people–

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, 2 fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.

We are to be like-minded with all Christians–as much as it depends on us. We obviously can’t control the other person.

So how do we do this? How can we be like-minded? These verses show us–we have the same love, the same accord, the same mind as our fellow Christians. This can only be done if we are diligently studying the scriptures together, submitting our desires and wills to God, joyfully obeying the commands we find there, while increasing our knowledge of God. When people are not getting along, it often goes back to this. Biblical illiteracy once again rears its ugly head in church matters.

And, along with knowing God’s Word, we find the oil that keeps things working together smoothly in Colossians 3:14–

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

I Corinthians 13:4-6 gives us a description of this love that will break down barriers and bind Christians together in perfect unity–

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And I Peter 4:8 is further confirmation of this idea that love will bring unity–

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Even when we don’t particularly appreciate a fellow Christian, we can love them. We are commanded to love them. And we should thank the Lord for them, for they are helping us to grow in patience and self-control!

Enemies are just part of life. If we are going to take any stand at all on the things that matter, we will have enemies. We cannot control how they treat us, but we can control how we treat them. And let’s intentionally work at not having needless enemies. We must back away from the stuff that doesn’t matter. Will it matter in a hundred years what color carpet is used in the church? Is a slight difference in how someone interprets the book of Revelation really a cause for division? Let’s wisely and, oh so carefully, choose our battles. Most hills we choose to stand on are just not worth dying on. We don’t always have to be right. We don’t always have to have our way. So often it just doesn’t matter.

And most of all, when we find ourselves in the midst of a heated disagreement with a fellow Christian or facing a full-blown enemy, then let’s love them. Love them, bless them, do good to them, and pray for them. If you don’t remember anything else from this post, I hope you will remember these words of Jesus.

 

How Do You Listen to Gossip?

6 Comments / April 19, 2018

Have you ever had one of those conversations where you are talking about a TV show like it’s really happening? The people, the situations, the happenings? I had one of those the other day and as I walked away from that conversation, I realized that we often have more loyalty for and kindness and grace towards people on TV.

I know it seems silly to even compare the two, since we are obviously personally affected by real people so that makes all the difference in the world, but it does seem sad that we can keep so level-headed and impartial when discussing TV friends and completely lose that when discussing real people.

Of course, we shouldn’t really be discussing real people most of the time. Sure, there are instances where we need to work through a problem with a trusted, godly friend or mentor, but, overall, we should not be talking about people. Ephesians 4:29 says this: Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

But this is not a post about spreading or speaking gossip. It’s a post about listening to gossip and our subsequent actions after we’ve heard it.

So many of us hear will listen to someone talk about someone and, instead of defending them or kindly asking them to stop, we will just jump right in and join the conversation. Or we will listen without speaking while making assumptions that will change our friendship with the person being spoken about. There is no grace. No kindness. No loyalty.

Or perhaps someone will talk about someone behind their back, telling you terrible things that person said about you. What do you do? Do you do what you should?

This happened to friends of ours. But let me first give some background. We had made a really, really tough decision after much prayer and agony. Because of the nature of the decision, there were many rumors flying around about us and lies told. We know of at least three specific lies that were told about us that made their way to our ears “through the grapevine”.

But only one couple actually loved us enough to call us. The wife called and asked us specifically if we had said such-and-such about them. My heart sank when I realized that someone I had trusted had said such a vicious thing about us. But, even in my dismay, I realized that this couple–instead of believing the worst–loved us enough to confront us and ask us about it.

We lost a lot of friends through those swirls of rumors and accusations, but these two remain our friends to this day. They exemplified what true biblical love and friendship are. They didn’t believe the worst about us, as seems to be the natural thing to do, but they bravely went right to the source. They cared enough to ask.

So what do we do when we hear gossip? Do we automatically believe it? Do we jump on the bandwagon and join the fun? Do we internalize it and allow it to create a cool distance with the person who has absolutely no idea what was said behind their back?

We have to be oh, so careful of this, don’t we? So many of us who wouldn’t ever be caught gossiping just aren’t very good at listening to gossip.

So how should we listen to gossip? Let’s see what scripture says–

First, we should view them as innocent until proven guilty. If there is a personal accusation involved, ask them lovingly and kindly if the words spoken are true. If they aren’t, move on. If they are, forgive and move on. Life is just too short for grudges. It really is. (Of course, this is the “simplified model” of relationships and it doesn’t always work. Especially with those who have no evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in their lives.)

Colossians 3:12-14  Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

Second, we should not let it affect our relationship with them. Does it really matter? Does it affect you personally? If the answer is no (and most times it is) then just continue your relationship with that person. Remember that you don’t know any of the details at all. You don’t know the situations, the circumstances, the agony, the fear, the anxiety that was all part of that person’s journey to whatever choice they made. Unless it is something that is currently hurting you, them, or others around them, just forget you heard it. We all have done things in the past we aren’t proud of, am I right??

Luke 6:31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. 

Third, if what you hear is about a Christian involved in sin (such as that person is involved in an affair or addicted to a substance), prayerfully consider speaking to them about it. Talk with a trusted leader in your church or some other godly person you know to ask for their advice.

Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

Fourth, pray for that person. Instead of letting gossip fill your heart with disgust or anger or frustration, let it fill your heart with love and compassion that will remind you to pray. Oh, how often we accuse, examine, and talk about without ever lifting that person up before the throne of Grace.

James 5:16 Confess your trespasses[e] to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Fifth, and when appropriate, steer the conversation a different way. You be the one to change the course of the discussion. Instead of joining, be the deflector. Instead of listening, be the one who changes the direction.

Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

 

As always, I offer this post not as someone who has this nailed down but, instead, as a lowly servant of Jesus Christ who still struggles with all of this. As I write, I can see so many weaknesses in my own handling of gossip. God’s Word powerfully convicts you and me to grow in our faith and move beyond the status quo Christianity that so easily ensnares us.

I leave you with these beautiful verses from I Corinthians 13. We most often hear these spoken at weddings, as two people pledge their lives to one another. But perhaps we should read them every day. They remind us of not only the spirit with which we should listen to gossip, but also give us a pattern for how we should treat others in every other way, as well.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

 

 

How Are You Any Different?

2 Comments / March 1, 2018

A few weeks ago, there was another terrible school shooting. This one in Florida, where the lives of 17 teachers and students were snuffed out in an instant by a madman with a gun. It is hard to wrap our brains around such a thing.

But, perhaps just as hard to understand, is the story that broke a few days later. There was an armed security guard there who chose to remain outside and do nothing during all that carnage.

This guy has taken a lot of heat for this. He has been called a coward–and I am sure much worse–because of his cowardly decision. And, as a parent, I have to just say that I would struggle to forgive a man that could have possibly stopped the killer and perhaps saved my child’s life before it was too late. Such needless loss. This guy was specially trained but when the time to test what he had learned came, he failed. And he failed miserably.

A pastor shared this breaking news story with his congregation this past weekend and then turned to them and asked this question:

How are you any different?

How are we any different?? If we know people all around us are headed to hell and dying in their sins for all eternity and then we sit idly by, unwilling to put our reputations, our friendships, our jobs, or our families on the line in order to save them from eternal damnation by sharing the Gospel, then how are we any different?

In fact, we may even be worse, given the fact that–at least at this point–we are not putting our lives on the line to share the Gospel. We are so wimpy that we aren’t even willing to sacrifice our temporal pleasures.

I am speaking to myself here as much as to any of you. When someone told me this challenge their pastor gave the other day, I was stopped in my tracks. What is wrong with me??

We lose perspective so quickly, don’t we? We lose sight of the fact that–if we have been redeemed by God through Jesus Christ alone– we are not on this earth to amass wealth, to live the good life or the American dream, to see ourselves or our kids succeed, to be popular, to be nice, to be active in our communities, or even to meet the needs of the poor. These aren’t necessarily bad things, but they aren’t why we are here.

No, these things are temporal, earthly things that won’t make an eternal difference at all. One of our main purposes for life upon our entrance into God’s Kingdom is to share the Gospel and to make disciples (Matthew 28:19-20; Mark 16:15).

So why is this so hard?

Why is it so hard to share the Good News that has taken us from darkness into God’s marvelous light?

It’s hard because the unadulterated Gospel, as presented in scripture, is not popular. The concepts of hell, of judgment, of absolute truth, of an exclusive way to heaven have become anathema in a culture that is obsessed with self-gratification and false unity. And so it really is feasible that we are putting our reputations, our friendships, and a variety of other things on the line when we share the Gospel.

And that’s why we don’t do it.

So the next time you are tempted to have a critical thought about that security guard, remember your own reluctance at self-sacrifice. Remember your own hesitation at sacrificing personal convenience and comfort at the expense of someone’s eternal destiny. And then give that guy some grace.

And may this question: How are we any different? cause us to rise up and become more passionate about sharing the Good News of God’s plan of salvation with others–even if it means we have to sacrifice a little something in order to do so.

 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily,a]”>[a] and follow Me.24 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.25 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?26 For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His own glory, and in His Father’s, and of the holy angels. Luke 9:23-26

Helping Your Child Flourish

Leave a Comment / February 26, 2018

What is the single most important thing we can teach our children in order for them to flourish both spiritually and emotionally? This may even help in their worldly success…

Of course, as Christian parents we want to teach our kids to love and serve the Lord. We want them to be saved. But even salvation can’t happen without this.

Any guesses?

It is a humble and teachable heart.

I have seen an interesting and discouraging change in Christian parenting in the last number of years. The culture that worships youth and thrives on change has crept into the church. And this has turned parenting on its head. Children have become the center of the family. Children are catered to while parents work to meet every desire and whim they may have. Children get what they want. From the time they are an infant angrily screaming in their crib to the time they are hurt by a teacher or students at school to the time they are teens who want to see an ungodly movie, parents run as fast as they can to rescue and please their little tyrants. I understand how it happens. I have done it myself. It’s easier. It seems more loving at the time. It feels wrong not to give them what they want. It makes us look like we are a bad parent.

But what are we teaching our children by meeting their every demand? What are we doing to their psyche by giving them the impression that the world revolves around them?

There are many downsides to this kind of parenting, but perhaps the one that will affect them the most is the pride and self-centeredness that we are instilling in them. They believe–and rightly so because it is what they have been taught–that they are the center of the world and that what they say goes.

As Christian parents, it should be one of our greatest desires to teach our children, both by example and by actions, to be humble and teachable. To recognize that God is our focus and that we are here to honor and serve Him–even at the sacrifice of our own desires and will.

By doing this, our children flourish in so many ways. Think with me for a moment about the most humble and teachable person you know. What do you like about them? Keep in mind, we are not talking the false “doormat” type of humility here that blows towards every wind of doctrine and is afraid to speak up. We are talking about biblical humility. (See Philippians 2:5-11 and James 4:6-10 for a better understanding of biblical humility.)

Let’s  look at some of the ways that our children (and ourselves) will flourish with this kind of heart. Children and adults who are humble and teachable–

–First and foremost, will find it much easier to submit to and obey God. A humble heart is necessary for repentance and faith in Christ. A teachable heart makes the Christian life much more peaceful and joyful. It is the kind of heart that produces the most growth and spiritual maturity.

–Are kinder. They think beyond themselves and focus attention on others.

–Are easier to get along with. Whether in church or at work, humble people do not demand their own way. When something biblical is on the line and they are standing for what’s right, they speak truth with love and grace. They don’t hold grudges, forgiving others who have wronged them. Humble people are willing to learn from others and don’t think they know everything. Humility is really the only path to unity in a church body or work place.

–easier to live with. A humble heart makes it much easier for a husband to love his wife. It makes it easier for a wife to submit to her husband. It makes it easier to apologize and to express openly one’s remorse over sin and failures. It keeps parents from the “because I say so” model of parenting, and instead cultivates an atmosphere of engaging children in lively discussions, listening to their fears, anger, and frustrations, and answering their questions from a biblical perspective. It radically eliminates the hours and days (or even weeks) of angry silence that sometimes take place in homes. A teachable heart creates an atmosphere of growth and unity within the family.

–are much more prone to growth in so many ways. Where a prideful heart is akin to hard, dry soil, so a humble heart is like moist, fertile soil. Good things grow in the soil of a humble, teachable heart. They grow faster and stronger. Pride makes growth hard. It may happen but it is so much slower and the result is usually weak and small.

–willing to listen. Humble, teachable people are willing to listen to others. They recognize that the elderly, the middle-aged, and the youth all have something to teach them.Whether they are 80, 50, or 25, humble people recognize that learning is a life-long process and that they can learn so much from someone else’s experiences, gleaning wisdom that helps them in their own lives. They also recognize the importance of kindly listening to someone even if they do not agree with them.

–have a biblical view of sin in their own lives and in the lives of others. Humble people do not berate and gossip about those who are living in sin. They don’t point fingers and speak arrogantly. They recognize that it is only by the grace of God that they are not caught up in that sin themselves. They understand the wickedness of their own heart and don’t view themselves as “better than”.

If we can teach our kids to have a humble and teachable heart, we are giving them such a wonderful advantage as they head out into the world. They will be better workers and church members. They will thrive as spouses and parents. It really is like a golden ticket to peace and joy. For it is only through humility that any of us can submit to God and His sovereign hand in our lives.

This list probably gives us all something to think about, even if we don’t have children in our homes. Are we setting an example of a humble, teachable heart to all of those around us? Our grandchildren, our nieces and nephews, our Sunday school students, our neighbors and co-workers–they are all watching.

If we haven’t cultivated a humble, teachable heart in the past. If we grow defensive and struggle to apologize. If we hold grudges and find it difficult to forgive. Well, it’s not too late to change. No matter how old we are, it is never too late to change.

My guess is that all of us can grow in this area. Pray and ask the Lord to help. On a humorous note, I have asked the Lord many times to please keep me humble. And He never fails. I chalk some of my most embarrassing moments up to those prayers. But, after the horridness and acute embarrassment of the moment was over, I can honestly say that I was glad. Glad that God had reminded me that I wasn’t “all that” and that I really don’t have it all that much together, after all. Those moments keep me seeking after God and discarding my pride. So, if that’s what it takes, well, it is truly worth it. And since this is a continual process and never something I can seem to master, I expect many more embarrassing moments ahead!

Life is hard. But it is harder when we are proud and unwilling to learn. Let’s work at being humble and teachable and let’s teach our children both by example and by how we parent, to be the same. They will thank you one day.

 

What Should I Look for in a Biblical Counselor?

6 Comments / February 12, 2018

crocus

Let’s face it. Sometimes life just doesn’t go the way we planned and we need a little help. Whether it is a struggling marriage, a wayward child, or some type of past issue that needs to be dealt with, sometimes we just need a bit of support to help us get our feet back on the right path again.

Unfortunately, while there is no dearth of counselors (we also call them therapists), good biblical counselors can be hard to find. Even those who claim to be Christian counselors can be wrapped up in man’s wisdom and philosophies.

When I went to college as a young adult I started out majoring in psychology. It’s all a bit hazy now, but about halfway through that major I recognized that it was not the career for me. It was–and still is– a quagmire of philosophies that are in opposition to biblical wisdom. Christian psychology is generally a mixing of earthly wisdom and heavenly wisdom that becomes impossible to separate.

James 3:15-17 says this–

 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 

We can see from these verses that earthly wisdom and heavenly wisdom not only shouldn’t be unified, but they really can’t be. They are in complete opposition of one another.  And yet this is exactly what Christian psychology tries to do. It is very similar to the idea of theistic evolution. It is an impossible and absurd attempt to unify man’s wisdom with God’s wisdom. And it changes the Gospel in the process. No part of evolution can be true if the Gospel as presented in scripture is true. They are mutually exclusive. According to scripture, death was the result of sin. And this is impossible with the theory of evolution.

So is the case with human psychology and biblical counseling. In human psychology, self is the center of everything. The temporal healing of man and a better life is the ultimate goal. But the Bible teaches that God is the source of true healing. Reconciliation with God and right living before God is the ultimate goal. While it may not seem so, they truly are mutually exclusive. We cannot have both God and self at the center of our lives. We cannot be driven both by God and by self. We must choose one.

(And here’s a curious tidbit for those of you who would like to know more– did you know that much of the psychological theories and presuppositions were developed with the help of spirit guides, which, in other words, means they come straight from demons? I didn’t either. Until I wrote this article. I didn’t learn that in my classes at college. You can read more about that here and and there are more resources here.)

Martin and Deidre Bobgan have this to say about the transition from faith in God’s Word to faith in man’s theories–

During the last sixty years much has happened to undermine the faith of those who once believed in the sufficiency of Scripture for those issues of life that are now being addressed by psychological counseling (psychotherapy). Previous to the influx of psychological theories and therapies, Christians turned to the Scriptures to understand themselves and to live accordingly. They turned to the Bible regarding attitudes and actions. They sought God regarding personal feelings and relationships. They found solid solace, strength, and guidance during difficult circumstances. Moreover, they learned the difference between walking according to the old ways of the world and walking according to the new life they had received through Christ’s death, resurrection, and gift of the Holy Spirit. Much of this has been lost as Christians have been adding the ways of the world to the way of the cross.We have witnessed this grievous transition from faith in God and His Word to faith in the psychological systems of men for nonorganic issues of life.*

I couldn’t agree more.

And if we are searching in the wrong place for help and if we are listening to earthly wisdom from below, then the verses from James above assure us that it will lead us into chaos and confusion.

So what should we look for in a biblical counselor when we do need a little help? How can we assure that we are receiving wisdom from above and not from human philosophies? Here are eight questions we can ask–

1. Does the counselor teach that we can only have peace and reconciliation with God through repentance and faith? (Mark 1:15)

2. Does the counselor call sin sin? Or does he/she cover sin up by calling it a disorder or disease? (Galatians 5:19-21)

3. Does the counselor use the Bible? (2 Timothy 3:16-17; Hebrews 4:12)

4. Does the counselor recognize and point out “acceptable sins” such as selfishness, pride, anger, resentment, unforgiveness? (James 4:6; Philippians 4:6; many others)

5. Does the counselor give assignments for Bible Study, resulting in a closer relationship with God? (Psalm 119)

6. Does the counselor acknowledge God’s sovereignty and the scripture’s sufficiency in all they say and do? (Job 42:2; Psalm 19; 2 Timothy 3:15-17)

7. Does the counselor focus on bringing glory to God through the situation at hand? (I Corinthians 10:31)

8. Does the counselor focus on the eternal ramifications of sinful behavior, along with the temporal consequences? (Romans 6:23; Hebrews 9:27)

A godly counselor will talk about these eight things with so much love and grace. While being unafraid to speak the truth, they will do so in a way that is loving and kind. One of the finest examples of this is Christ’s encounter with the Samaritan woman (John 4). Jesus Christ always spoke truth with love to those whose hearts really wanted to know the truth. There was no hard edge or frustration. He is the one and only perfect example.

But He did speak the truth. Which is what we can and should expect a godly counselor to do if we truly long for permanent change.

Today, we have God’s Word to show us how to live. It is there that we find help for permanent and powerful change. A true biblical counselor recognizes this. I leave you with one final quote from the Bobgans–

The Bible is not meant to work independently from God Himself. The Bible is sufficient because the Lord Himself works through His Word. If a person tries to use the Bible apart from Christ ruling in His heart, he may claim that the Bible lacks practical answers for life’s difficulties. However, it is through the Bible that God reveals Himself and works His divine power in Christians. The Bible is more than words on a page. Every word is backed by God’s mighty power, His perfect righteousness, His love, His grace, and His wisdom. Thus God not only gives precious promises and instructions for living; He enables a believer to obey His Word. That is why the Bible is sufficient for life and conduct. Paul declared that he would not depend upon the wisdom of men, but on the power and wisdom of God. (1 Cor. 1.) Not only is human wisdom foolishness in comparison with God’s wisdom; human words lack the divine power necessary to transform a person into the likeness of Christ and to enable him to live the Christian life according to God’s will. God uses the wisdom and power of the Scriptures to enable believers to please Him and bear fruit. (2 Tim. 3:16-17; 2 Peter 1:2-8.) No psychological doctrine can even come close to that claim, nor can it add power for godly change.*

Amen.

 

*From PsychoHeresy: The Psychological Seduction of Christianity by Martin and Deidre Bobgan (free PDF is available by clicking on this link)

A Personal Note

13 Comments / February 1, 2018

personal

The other day we heard an awful rumor that is being circulated about us. There wasn’t even a bit of truth to it, but it hurt nonetheless. Where do people come up with this stuff?

This reminded me of a time, many years ago now, when something had happened to me and, while tempted to respond in the wrong way, I had been rather proud of myself for handling it in a way that I thought truly honored God. I remember this specifically because I didn’t (and still don’t!) always respond this way. A month or so later, I found out that the person whom I thought I had treated so kindly and respectfully had utterly misrepresented–and even lied–about my response to his co-workers. I can’t even imagine what would cause someone to do that. But it happens to all of us at one time or another.

And the thing is we all judge each other on these things. We talk about how we shouldn’t judge each other and yet we all are tempted to do it. We will hear someone talk about someone else and we will make a judgment on that person, even though we may have never met them. Or, even more hurtful, we will hear something about someone we know and, instead of talking with them about what we have heard, we will simply start avoiding them. In essence, we end the relationship over something we don’t even know to be true. This may be one of the saddest things that happens to any relationship.

This is really the same thing that happens here with this blog. People who don’t know me–and some who do–judge me because they don’t like the things I write. And so I am labeled things like “harsh” or “negative”. I do know this and I am slowly learning to be okay with this. Every now and again I hear something that is being said behind my back and so it is a constant struggle but I do understand that it is impossible to have a blog that tackles popular opinion–especially popular “Christian” opinion– and not expect kickback. But I also know that there are those of you that appreciate what I write and I am so thankful that many of you let me know that. But, every now and again, I like to clear up some things with those who don’t appreciate what I write (but read the blog, anyway) and also to touch base with those of you who are my loyal readers. I think sometimes it is important to share some of my heart and to give a glimpse of who I really am apart from my posts.

And so today I will depart from my normal type of post and be a bit transparent.

First, I want you to know that I am not one of those bloggers who takes great joy in writing things that people don’t like. I don’t relish conflict and I don’t like to debate. But, for whatever reason, this is where God has me. And every single time I begin to think it is time to stop writing here, one of you sends an email thanking me or walks up to me and says how much you appreciate the blog. And so this is where I am for now–doing my little bit to further God’s Kingdom and to point people to God’s Word here in this corner of the internet called Growing4Life.

I also want you to know that I have no illusions that I am somehow loftier than anyone else. God has given me a gift to write. That’s it. I am not better than anyone else in any way. Have you ever wondered if I live out all of these things I write 100% of the time? There is an easy answer to this. NO. No, I do not. I wish I did. I wish I could. And have you ever wondered if my family has struggles like yours? Relationship problems, selfish wills, anger issues? Why, yes. Yes, we do. I am no different than any other sinner saved by grace and we are no different than any other Christian family anywhere else. I am not even close to perfect (the more I grow spiritually, the more clearly I realize how far I still have to go) and neither is my family.

I also don’t know the Word as well as I wish I did. I am working on this and it is much easier now that I have some time on my hands that wasn’t available to me when I was raising kids. But knowing the Bible takes time and I am thankful for godly people in my life whom I trust and can call upon when I stumble upon something I don’t understand or receive a question from one of my readers that I need help with.

I write all of this because sometimes it is hard to point people to God’s Word and what it says when it is so clear that I am so far from perfect. But if we only learned from perfect people, well, then, we’d never learn at all, would we? God–thankfully–uses weak and imperfect people to reach, help, and grow others. Aren’t you glad? This means that He can use any of us.

For some reason I still don’t really understand, God has given me this small platform here at Growing4Life. I need you to know that I have only one desire and that is that He uses this for His glory. It is my prayer that I can shine the bright light of God’s Word amidst the overwhelming darkness in this world–but particularly in the deepening twilight that is the mainstream church. Unbelievably, the church is growing darker at an astonishing pace while still claiming to be the light. The truth of God’s Word has always been unpopular, but perhaps never so unpopular as right now.

While I do hope that I am drawing my readers to God and His Word, God has also been using this blog to teach me some things. Two, in particular, come to mind, and I’d like to share them with you.

1.  I can’t change your mind. When I think of the arguments and debates I used to have with people, it saddens me. What a waste of time. I have lost all taste for that as God has graciously taught me that He is the one that must work in the heart. He uses people like you and me for His purposes and to help people along, but I can’t change a heart. This is a hard lesson to learn for someone who has a love for the truth and who wants everyone else to have that same love. But I realize now that I can talk non-stop to someone for two years and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference unless God is at work (John 6:44; I Corinthians 10:10-16; Ephesians 1). I think I finally understand this. And that leads to my second lesson…

2.  My opinion is irrelevant. As I wrote the paragraph above I could almost hear some of you thinking, “Well, what gives you the right to determine what is true?” So I want you to understand that God has taught me that my opinion means nothing. I do my best to share principles and lessons from God’s Word because I realize that this is truly the only thing that matters. Yes, people have different interpretations of the Bible but there is only one right interpretation. As John MacArthur says, “We can both be wrong, or you can be right and I can be wrong, or I can be right and you can be wrong, but we can’t both be right.” It is my greatest desire to share God’s Word in the right way. But I encourage you–even beg you–to dig in and study for yourself. Biblical illiteracy is perhaps the greatest reason the church is in such a terrible state. But we can change that–at least for ourselves and for our families. I hope that this blog is an encouragement to you but it is not a replacement for thorough study of the Word. Several months ago, someone who is very dear to me asked the question, “why did God make this issue of tongues so confusing?” And then, a few weeks ago, after really digging into the Word, she told me this: “I realize that it isn’t so confusing, after all. If you study your Bible it really becomes clear.” And so do your own digging. God is so faithful and He will lead you to the truth if you are searching for it. I know this from my own personal experience and from those of you who have shared with me how God led you out of the NAR and charismatic movements through His Word.

And so that’s what I wanted to share today. It’s very different than my usual post. But I hope that it has given you a bit of insight into me and why I write what I write. I have been so blessed by so many of you. Some of you have shared your heart with me through emails or comments on Facebook and those little notes are such encouraging treasures to me. But my greatest prayer is that God is using me to further His Kingdom, for it is His approval that matters most to me.

I was watching an old movie yesterday and there was a line in there that really hit home–

“If you stand up for the truth you are going to ruffle some feathers and you are going to experience some pain from those who don’t want the truth.”

Yes, I have found this to be oh, so true. But it is what all believers are called to do. I hope that through my posts and how I live my life, I am encouraging others to stand for the truth.

 

 

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