Life – Page 45 – Growing 4 Life

WW #6: Simple Does Not Mean Easy

2 Comments / July 25, 2012 July 25, 2012

Today I am sharing some wise words from a friend of mine who is a missionary in Cambodia. She is a wonderful writer and I know many of you will appreciate what she shared in her newsletter on Monday. The analogy she makes is a great one. Read on and see what I mean!

The heat here [Cambodia] makes it quite hard to want to get out and do anything, really, but I am glad to report I was up bright and early today for a riverside jog/walk. And I almost enjoyed it. Almost.

You’ll have to forgive me if a lot of my object lessons recently have been about exercise and the physical side of things. It is taking a bit of my focus and energy right now, as I am working toward some “before forty” goals. (The clock is ticking!) But I am beginning to see why many of the NT writers used athletics and sports allegories to make their points about the spiritual life. There are so many parallels!

A number of years ago, a doctor said to me that—unless your weight gain was due to medical reasons—all you had to do to lose weight was to eat less and move more. It’s that simple. It comes down basic math, really. If your calorie intake is consistently less than the number of calories you burn day after day, you will begin to lose weight. This is not rocket science, folks!

However, “simple” does not necessarily mean “easy”.

Anyone who has tried to lose weight knows how hard it is to change lifestyle rhythms or habits. It is soooo difficult to pass up that extra helping, or that tempting snack. It is exhausting to submit your body to rigorous exercise and grueling to stick to disciplined daily routines.

Weight loss might be simple on paper, but it certainly is not easy.

In the same way, salvation is basically simple. You have a debt of sin that you could never repay. Jesus has paid the price in full, and offers to clear your account. You simply have to accept His gift and His Lordship in your life.

But there is nothing easy about the Christian walk. The dying to self, the denial of fleshly desires, the breaking and bending of the will to the Spirit’s control. None of this comes naturally. But it must be done, intentionally and regularly. Besides that, the world will heap us with abuse once it sees we are trying to do things differently, not living by its norms and standards.

The basics of salvation might be simple to grasp, but living it out on a daily basis is probably one of the hardest things a person can do.

We do a great disservice, I fear, when we minimize the cost of following Christ. When we promise a primrose-strewn path, leading not only to future Glory, but also to heaven here on earth. We mislead others if we do not prepare them for the rocky road ahead.

Of course we do not walk this path alone. We need not strive and strain in our own strength. We have a Helper always available to us. In fact, He is eager to do most of the work if we will just submit to His control. It’s that simple. But not that easy.

–by Deborah Wise

The Rainbow Flower

2 Comments / July 12, 2012 July 12, 2012

Lucy drew in her breath with awe. In the midst of the forest, she saw before her the most gorgeous flower she had ever seen. Its beauty made her temporarily forget that she had failed her history test because she had forgotten to study, that her mom and dad had said “no” to her slumber party, and that her brother had broken her bike. Her baby sister, as if to get in on Lucy’s bad day, had screamed for over an hour due to a painful ear infection. In fact, baby May was still screaming when Lucy had headed off for a walk in the woods.

It was autumn and Lucy wasn’t expecting to see any flowers. All around her were the colors of autumn. Dead leaves carpeted the forest floor in shades of brown. Looking up, Lucy saw tree branches stretching their long arms toward the sky. Even the sky was a steely gray, as if to warn that winter was on its way. Dismal described the day perfectly– that is until Lucy found the flower.

As Lucy walked on the wooded path, she wondered why her life was so terribly awful. She forgot that she was blessed beyond measure and had instead chosen to focus on her misfortunes. Her thoughts were deepening her sadness, when she just happened to look down. She saw a hint of bright blue peeking out from the dead leaves to her left. Lucy bent down to gently move the leaves aside and found a plant with vivid green leaves and a dazzling, multi-colored flower. Each petal was a different color of the rainbow and a heavenly fragrance filled the air. The flower looked very real, but Lucy grew suspicious and lifted her head to study the landscape around her. Was someone playing a trick on her? She didn’t hear or see anyone. Almost as if she expected the flower to disappear before her eyes, she quickly glanced back at it. It was still there in all of its glory, filling the air with a heavenly aroma.

Should she pick it? Or should she leave it there to languish in the icy air? As she tried to decide, the flower petals winked and shimmered, beckoning Lucy to take it with her. Lucy impulsively reached down. The stalk yielded easily under the pressure of her hand and she soon held the thick, emerald stem of the precious rainbow flower in her hands. She excitedly ran back the path through the woods to show the flower to her mom. She never dreamed of what she would find upon her return home.

As she breathlessly reached her house, she realized that the beds and lawn were perfectly manicured. There wasn’t a stray branch nor weed to be found. Lucy couldn’t figure out how her dad had done all of that in such a short amount of time. But she soon forgot about it as she went around the back of the house to find her mom.

What she found there made her stop short. There sat her lime green bike in perfect condition. But how could that be? Dad had said she would need a new bike and yet here was her bike before her, looking brand new. “How strange,” Lucy thought and then glanced at the flower in her hand, “naaa, that couldn’t be,” she said to herself.

As Lucy entered the house, she listened for baby May’s screams but all she heard was delighted baby laughter. As baby May and her little brother sat on the floor playing, Lucy noticed that her little brother was scrubbed clean, with nary a hair out of place and baby May was clothed in a little blue dress with white pinafore. As if to complement the two perfect children, the house was spotless. Lucy had never seen it so clean before.

As Lucy continued her search for her mom, her eye caught a piece of paper lying on the desk in the corner. Dismayed, she realized it was her history test which she thought was still safely tucked away in her backpack. But her astonishment increased considerably as she saw a giant A+ written across the top, along with a note from her teacher expounding on Lucy’s wonderful academic prowess. Now Lucy’s puzzlement turned into consternation. What in the world was going on? Did it have something to do with this strange flower she held?

Just as she was starting to panic, her mom came down the stairs. But was this the mom she knew? She wore a yellow sundress and high heels, an unusually big smile, and held a full basket of clean, fresh-smelling laundry in her arms. Her tone was cheery and bright as she asked Lucy if she wanted some freshly-baked cookies and a glass of milk. She then proceeded to tell Lucy that when she was done with her snack they could plan her slumber party. Her mom, in honeyed tones, went on to explain that she would cook a homemade dinner and make homemade ice cream for all of Lucy’s guests. She and dad may even take them all roller-skating.

Lucy stared at her mother. She wasn’t sure she liked this new mom that looked and sounded like something out of a 1950’s sitcom. But what to do? She decided it couldn’t hurt to eat a snack and she pondered this weird turn of events as she munched on perfectly sized cookies containing just the right amount of chocolate chips.

Why had her world turned to perfection upon picking the rainbow flower? And now that it was so perfect, why wasn’t she happy? She wasn’t sure, but she knew it just didn’t feel right. She liked her little brother better when he was a normal boy, all grimy and pesty, even if it did mean a bent bike. And she didn’t want an F on her history test, but an A+ that she didn’t deserve somehow seemed worse. And the slumber party – well, that was another question, wasn’t it? She knew that the reason she couldn’t have the slumber party was because her parents’ couldn’t afford it. Why had her parents changed their minds? Her thoughts turned guiltily over in her mind as she remembered her angry reaction when her parents had originally told her that she couldn’t have her party. Why had she made them feel so badly over something about which they were already heartbroken? She sighed. She wanted her old mom back in her t-shirt and jeans, even if she did occasionally get grumpy. Somehow this perfect mom didn’t seem like she would be a good person in which Lucy could confide her problems. And suddenly, Lucy realized that she preferred her old life to this new life of perfection. She sighed as she stared down at the rainbow flower. Now what?

Unexpectedly, a loud wail filled the air. The bed shook as Lucy lifted her head in fright. What in the world was that? And where was she? And then Lucy remembered: she had cried herself to sleep and the sound she was hearing was the blessed sound of baby May’s discomfort. Did this mean she had dreamed the whole thing? Lucy jumped out of bed and bounded down the stairs. She took in the dirty dishes in the sink, her mom’s disheveled appearance as she tried to comfort baby May, and her brother’s muddy shoes sitting by the door. The telling history test had been removed from her backpack, but it now showed the F she knew she deserved.

Lucy breathed a huge sigh of relief. In one short afternoon, she realized the costly price she would have to pay to give up normal for perfect. And she realized it would never be worth it. Lucy learned a good lesson that afternoon. And to this day there hangs a rainbow flower painting in Lucy’s bedroom to remind her of the blessing of normal.

Wise Words #4: He Is With You

Leave a Comment / July 11, 2012 July 11, 2012

One of the songs that has meant so much to me during some very difficult times has been this song by Mandisa, entitled “He Is With You”. I remember being in tears by the end of hearing it the first time. God used this song to remind me that He is always with me. Even when I feel lonely or frightened or hopeless, I am not alone. God is with me always. How blessed we are to have a supernatural source of comfort and strength if we are one of His children. May we never forget it. I have attached a link to listen to the song on YouTube after the lyrics. It’s a great video, so I hope you take a moment to watch it.

There’s a time to live
And a time to die
There’s a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There’s a time for war
And a time for peace
There’s a hand to hold
In the worst of these
In the worst of these

Chorus:
He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can’t even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn’t kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby’s gone
And your house is still and your heart’s a stone
Cryin’ God, what’d you do that for?
He is with you

There’s a time for yes
And a time for no
There’s a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There’s a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this

Chorus:
He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don’t know you anymore
And he is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don’t know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you

We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light

Chorus:
He is with you when your kids are grown
When there’s too much space and you feel alone
And you’re worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you’ve given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you

When nothing else is left
And you take your final breath
He is with you

Watch on YouTube: He is With You by Mandisa

Finding a Better Place

Leave a Comment / July 5, 2012 July 5, 2012

Last night a big gang of us went to watch fireworks. We decided the best place to watch was the parking lot of a nearby historical society. Apparently everyone else thought that, too. But we found a place to park and joined the crowd. With blankets and chairs in tow, we scoped the area for the best place to sit. Most of the grassy area was taken, but we found one we thought would be okay, despite the big building directly in front of us. Oh, well. We settled down to wait for the show.

A few minutes later, one of the guys decided he was going to search for a better spot and off went a group of them. A few minutes later my daughter ran back and breathlessly told us that we should all follow her, where across the parking lot and behind a building, was the perfect hill to watch the fireworks.

So off we all went with our stuff, down the hill, across the parking lot, and around the building — to the perfect hillside. Most people hadn’t ventured that far and so there was only a couple of other parties of people in the area. And guess what? It was a great place to watch the fireworks. Probably the best place we’ve sat at in years…maybe ever.

This is the perfect picture of why I write this blog! I was thinking about it this morning. So often we are tempted to just settle. We are tired of the weight battle, we are tired of the kid battle, we are tired of the entertainment battle. We are tired of battles! So we just settle. We don’t want to work now for shadowy rewards to come later. We want our rewards now. And so we stay right where we are, taking the easy path. But the easy path doesn’t always lead to the best place to watch the show. In fact, I would venture to say it never leads to the best place to watch the show.

And some of us really do want to take the hard path, but then peer pressure weighs us down. As I think on last night, I realize that if a few of us would have dug our heals in and said we weren’t leaving our spot, the whole group probably would have stayed put. Thankfully, everyone was willing to walk to the better spot last night. But, unfortunately, when it comes to real life, we often need to travel on alone in order to take the best path.

Paul tells us in I Corinthians 9: Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring itinto subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.

We can’t afford to be tired or pressured by our friends because we are running the race to win! And the rewards are great if we don’t give up — a healthy body, children who love the Lord, a pure heart and mind, but, most importantly, the imperishable crown we will receive in glory.

Do you remember Aesop’s fable about the tortoise and the hare? I know the point of that is that slow and steady wins the race, but I would like to point out here that the tortoise never took a break, either. He just kept plugging away without getting distracted or giving in to his exhaustion. May we be like the tortoise today, as we continue to run the race set before us, always looking for ways to run it better and never giving up! May we never settle for status quo!

Drifting…

2 Comments / July 2, 2012 July 23, 2014

We were enjoying a day at Assateague Island. It is a beautiful, family-oriented beach complete with wild ponies, although we didn’t see any that particular day. We trudged through the sand, looking for a good place to set up. We found one fairly close to the lifeguard, which made us all feel a bit safer, as the surf was in fine form that day. It didn’t take long for the kids to grab their boogie boards and start riding waves. I took my sand chair down to the water’s edge and set up for one of my favorite activities at the beach: people-watching.

Now, if you are a mom you have the art of “ocean scanning” down to a science. Scanning and counting…scanning and counting…over and over again. There’s one…two…there’s kid three…and (sigh of relief) the fourth. I count over and over, making sure they are all safe several times each hour. This started when they were small and even though two are now classified as adults officially, the “mom instinct” doesn’t quit and I am still counting to four several times each hour when we are all together.

This particular day, I got distracted in my people-watching and hadn’t “counted” for awhile. When I finally looked up to start scanning once again, I didn’t see anyone familiar in front of me. My eyes strayed further down the beach and there I spotted our group, several hundred yards away from where they had started. They had drifted, unknowingly, down the beach, away from the lifeguard.

This is such a great picture to what happens to us in life if we aren’t careful. It may be in our marriage, where small selfish decisions become larger and more frequent until we find that we have drifted into indifference. Or perhaps it is our listening and watching habits, where a lack of discernment finds us drifting further and further into the cesspool of what is the American entertainment industry. Or it may be the lure of materialism, where we find ourselves buying “one more thing” and trying to convince ourselves that we will be content, only to find ourselves drifting further and further away from contentment. Drifting is how affairs get started, how relationships break down, and often why our kids walk away from the Lord. We think this one time…this one thing…this won’t hurt. But the next time, it’s so much easier to rationalize once again. And it gets easier and easier. Drifting is a dangerous business.

The only way to keep from drifting is to never let our guards down. Ever. We are to be a watchman for our own lives and for our children. Yes, it is exhausting. It is hard work. And it is time-consuming. But if we are true believers and desire to obey God’s Word, it is required. Too easily, we humans drift into bad habits and dangerous places. Before we know it, we drift away from the lifeguard and the safe place He has provided for those who live in obedience and we move into dangerous territory filled with sharp rocks, giant waves, and dangerous undercurrents. We rarely come away unscathed when we drift away from safety.

Drifting is a natural occurrence. It is only through knowing and obeying God’s word that we can we keep from drifting. It is only through diligent and purposeful examination of each choice we make that we can stay in the vicinity of our Lifeguard. Perhaps we should all examine how close we are to the Lifeguard this day and if we find ourselves far down the beach, may we ask the Lord humbly and sincerely to carry us back to safety.

Hebrews 2:1 Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away.

I Corinthians 16:13 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.

The Reign of Incompetence

Leave a Comment / June 28, 2012 June 28, 2012

“Ummm…just a second…I will go check.” The young man who was on the phone with my husband was less than unsure. Eric impatiently waited as the young man went to look for the needed item. When he came back he stammered out an explanation of the item in his hand. That is when Eric realized that he didn’t even have a clue what he was looking for.

Now, you might think that we are being awfully hard on this young man, but the fact of the matter is, what Eric needed was a very basic item found in a hardware store. He should have been able to call and get a quick yes or no. But, instead, he ended up on the phone with someone who was incompetent.

A few weeks later we went out to eat and fell into the hands of an incompetent waitress. She was a pleasant girl, but seemed to be struggling with the very basics of her job. It was a frustrating meal, as we all would try to catch her attention and she wouldn’t even look our way.

We all run into incompetent people now and again, but am I the only one who feels like it is becoming more and more often? So what can we do?

First, we should realize that the clueless person is a person with feelings. Chances are they were thrown into the job without proper training. Or perhaps they are trying to do a job for which they are not suitable. Hopefully, they figure that out sooner rather than later, but our rudeness isn’t going to help them either way. And, as a Christian, we are responsible to treat them with courtesy and kindness, no matter how frustrated we may be (so much easier to write than to do!)

And then, second, I can’t help but think that we, as believers, should never be found to be incompetent. Oh, I know that there are those beginning days of a new job when we are uncertain about things. But we should learn as quickly as we can, always thinking about the next thing, and working hard to know the job. Colossians 3:23-24 are two of my favorite verses. They say: And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.

As believers, we are to do all we do with our best effort, for we are serving the Lord, not men. This is hard to remember when you are in a job atmosphere where workers slack off when the boss isn’t around. Or where there is great laziness and disinterest in the job. But, as believers, we are called by God to be competent, diligent, and hard-working, despite the crowd around us.

And, just a word of caution, this is not the popular thing to do. Oh, your boss will love it (if you don’t have an incompetent, lazy boss who is worried about you surpassing him!) but your co-workers may grow resentful; they may even call you names. Be prepared. Doing what God calls us to in all aspects of life isn’t always easy. In fact, I would venture to say it is usually the rockier route to travel.

And, finally, as parents, business owners, and teachers, let’s work hard to instill this passion for doing the best job we can into our children, employees, and students. Let’s expect competence and diligence from them. Let’s encourage their hearts, while demanding excellence. It is up to us to train the next generation. How are we going to do that if we lazily do our own thing? We have a responsibility and we need to take it seriously.

Incompetence may reign in our culture – but it doesn’t need to reign in the lives of ourselves or our families. Let’s show that we are different because we serve the Lord. Are you ready to travel the rocky path and do what’s right, no matter the cost?

Java Joe’s and the Death of a Dream

2 Comments / June 25, 2012 March 19, 2017

There is an old brick house we pass each year on the way to the beach. One year I saw that this house had become Java Joe’s, an adorable little coffee house. It looked like a great place to enjoy a cup of coffee with a friend and I wished I live closer. But then I noticed a year or two later that Java Joe’s looked deserted. I wondered why it looked closed on a weekday. It seemed so odd. And then last week, on our way to the beach, we passed it again and saw that the building is for sale. Sadly, I realized that the cute little coffee shop is no longer in existence.

My thoughts turned towards the owner who first dreamed of opening a coffee shop someday. I imagined how he must have found the proper piece of real estate to make his dream come true. He probably excitedly prepared plans to turn the old house into a coffee shop and was filled with anticipation as opening day approached. I wondered if the first few months were all he hoped or if it seemed destined for failure from the beginning? This owner had a dream and he went for it! But the dream died the day Java Joe’s closed permanently. Perhaps the owner moved on to bigger and better dreams or maybe he gave up and still bares the scars of his dead dream. I don’t really have any way of knowing.

But I guess all of us have had to say good-bye to dreams at one time or another. They are hard, hard moments. Perhaps it is a wayward child entrapped in a life of abuse. Or a failed business that we poured our heart and soul into. Maybe we have never found Mr. or Miss Right and we have had to say good-bye to our dreams of marriage and family. For some of us, our children will never know their grandparents due to an untimely death. For others of us, we are finding it impossible to have a family at all because of infertility issues or the children we do have are handicapped in some way and their future isn’t what we longed for for our child. Perhaps we suffer with a chronic illness and have had to realize we can’t do what we had always dreamed of. And many have said good-bye to their fairy tale dreams of the perfect marriage while they flounder in the real world of being married to a sinner. So many dream deaths. So many tears. So much sadness. If you have lived on this fallen earth then you have had to say goodbye to a dream.

How do we handle the death of our dreams–especially the ones that we hold so near and dear to our heart? Oftentimes, the disappointment and lingering ramifications are invisible to others, making it even harder to work through it all. Most of us don’t share our deepest innermost feelings with the world and so we bare the pain and grief all alone. We are filled with a desire to shout out–

I am in mourning here! Why don’t you care?!?

But the world just keeps going on, business as usual. It doesn’t care. No one cares.

That is the lie we tell ourselves.

But is it true?

Eventually, if we are believers, we understand that it’s not true. That the God of the universe loves and cares for us (Psalm 55:22; I Peter 5:7). We remember that He is Sovereign and All-Powerful. We submit to His will and we make a purposeful choice to have a good attitude, asking Jesus to shine brightly through us, even through life’s disappointments. We choose to grow stronger, instead of bitter, when we have to say farewell to a precious dream.

Is it easy? Absolutely not.

Is it instant? No way.

But it is possible.

It is all a process of submission and leaning on the Lord for strength. We seldom remain unchanged when working through the death of a dream. The question to ask ourselves is this:

Will I become more like Christ or will I cave in to my bitter, hopeless feelings?

Paul tells us that all is loss, when compared to knowing Christ. I can’t honestly say that I feel that way all of the time but my goal is to grow to that place where I can say along with Paul:

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ (Philippians 3:8).

And so we remember, once again, that we are a tiny speck on the timeline of the universe. Smaller than a speck of dust. And we remember that God is God. He can see the whole timeline. And so we move forward, knowing that God is with us–even through the death of our dreams.

6 reasons to be thankful when following a (very) slow driver

6 Comments / June 14, 2012 November 4, 2017

This week I have found myself behind a plethora of slow drivers. They have included white-haired grandpas, distracted businessmen on cell phones, a new teen-aged driver, and even a granny on a motorcycle. After about the 10th time of being forced to go 10 (or 15!) miles per hour under the speed limit, I figured the Lord may be trying to teach me something. So I started thinking of reasons why I could actually be thankful for the slow (and, if I am honest, aggravating) driver ahead of me.

1. I am receiving a lesson in patience. Oh, how long will it take me to learn it? My brother once wisely said, “I refuse to let a slow or annoying driver steal my peace.” I find myself thinking of his words often.

2. I am enjoying treasured extra moments with my kids. Tonight while driving home at a snail’s pace, we talked about what to look for in a husband, what to do when our friends don’t agree with us, and why kids should go to youth group. We learn so much about each other and have wonderful conversations in the car. Slow drivers give us a few more of those special minutes.

3. I am receiving a lesson in time management. I am sure I am the only one who does this, but I have a bad habit of leaving my house without time to spare. If it takes 15 minutes to get where I am going and I need to be there at 7pm, I leave at 6:45pm. This adds considerable stress to my life if I find myself behind someone who is going really slow. I have not included this lost time in my calculations and it means I may be late! This lesson is having a difficult time making its way into my hard head!

4. I have the opportunity to listen to a podcast or uplifting music for a little while longer. We are so blessed with having wonderful Bible Teachers and hymns and worship music at the touch of a button. Does anyone remember the days when you had to move the record needle back to the song if you wanted to hear it twice? And the interminable waiting for our favorite songs or programs to come on the radio? I would even arrange my schedule around what time Focus on the Family was on the radio. Now we can choose our favorite song or preacher and worship while we lollygag behind the unhurried driver in front of us.

5. God may be protecting me from an accident up ahead. We can rest in His Sovereign plan that He knows best. And since He knows when a sparrow falls, He certainly knows my current situation.

6. Perhaps these few extra minutes are a gift to me for prayer and meditation on God’s Word. But instead, in my frustration, I usually end up fretting and fussing them away.

I wrote this list to help me personally. You may have complete and total patience when driving or you may even be the slow driver! But, on the outside chance that one of my readers also struggles with this issue, I decided to post it. Have a great day!

Choosing our path…and then living with our choice

2 Comments / June 11, 2012 February 2, 2016

The other day I was taking a walk on a beautiful day. As I listened to my head phones, my dog was excitedly exploring from the end of her leash. It didn’t take me long to realize that my athletic sandals were not the thing to wear on a path filled with little stones. I would walk a few feet and a little stone would fly into my shoe, right under my heel. I would try to walk a bit, then I would sigh and stop to remove it. This played itself out several times over the course of my walk. The walk wasn’t as delightful as it could have been because of the shoes I had worn on the path of my choice. How could I have kept this from happening? It is quite simple : I could have chosen a) to walk a different path or b) to wear different shoes.

I think this may be something like marriage. To begin with, some of us get on a path we really shouldn’t be on. We choose to marry a person who isn’t a Christian. Oh, we may have thought they were a believer, but it turns out, they aren’t so sold out for Jesus, after all. We all have the opportunity to inspect our future path. If I marry this person, what will my life’s path look like? Will it be smooth, with just occasionally stony areas? Or will the whole terrain be filled with huge rocks that will feel impossible to get around? How do we know, you ask? Our pastor recently gave us four basic things to look for in a potential spouse.

1. The person needs to be saved. This isn’t just with their lips, but showing forth in their life’s choices, as well. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

2. The person needs to be spiritual. They should thirst for God’s Word and think on spiritual things. (Proverbs 12:7)

3. The person should show biblical love. Biblical love is selfless, kind, and forgiving. It is not self-seeking or rude. A good test to know if your future mate practices biblical love is to watch how they treat their parents or the waitress in a restaurant. (I Corinthians 13)

4. The person should show godly character. Lying, cheating, anger, greediness, drinking, laziness, nagging, immodesty, immorality are all red flags showing there will be some pretty big rocks ahead of you. On the other hand, self-control, joy, kindness, and generosity signal good things ahead. And just a note here…of course, no one is perfect. What if you find a great guy or girl that struggles with a sin issue like anger or laziness–does that totally discount them? Not necessarily. But ask these questions: Do they want to change? Do they admit that it is sin? Are they teachable? And we do need to realize that there will be stones in our path ahead because of these character issues. (Titus 2:1-8 and Galatians 5:16-23)

So this is all well and good for those of you who haven’t gotten married yet. But what about those of us who chose our path long ago? It is too late for us to take all of this into consideration now. We have committed to this path and the Bible tells us to stay on it (which is quite opposed to what our culture tells us, by the way). So if we find ourselves already on a path that is a bit stony, it is time to take a look at our footwear.

Just like wearing the appropriate footwear can keep us protected on a stony path in real life, so we can be appropriately attired for our rocky marriage path. Here are a few ways that will clothe us properly and help our marriages, no matter what kind of path we find ourselves on:

1) Dedicate some time to our inward beauty. Many of us do not think twice to spend money on our hair, our nails, or to go to the gym. We spend hours shopping for just the right clothing and preparing our hair. But how much time do we spend fixing up our “inside”? Are we putting into practice what we hear the preacher say at church? Are we reading books that help us to grow spiritually? Are we listening to podcasts that challenge and convict us in our walk with Jesus? (I Peter 3)

2) Focus on our own need for change. This one is really important. Most of us try to change our husbands. We do this in a variety of ways, including nagging and cold shoulders. But I ask you: has any method to change your husband ever been effective? In my case, the answer is no. I have been very convicted of this, as of late. I have to worry about me. Are my responses and reactions godly? Am I being the wife I should be? Do I need to change? If I am honest, my response to that question has to be a resounding YES, I do need to change. I have much growing to do. And so I continue to be challenged to work on me and pray about the areas in which I think my husband should change. I serve a great God…I can trust Him to work in my husband’s life. And He will! He is faithful! I have personally experienced this many times. It is sad that I so easily forget! (Proverbs 21:9)

3) We need to submit to our husband’s leadership. This isn’t popular or easy to do. But God tells us this in several different passages, so it must be important. Each home has different challenges in this area. Some homes have a man who willingly gives up his leadership to his wife. But that is not God’s plan, so we need to turn that around. Other homes are filled with fireworks, because the husband and the wife both tend to be very opinionated and vocal. But when push comes to shove, the husband should make the final decision. It isn’t always easy for the wife but this is the way clearly commanded in scripture. And then there are other homes where the husband is a natural leader and the woman a born follower and she has a difficult time giving any opinion. Wherever we find ourselves in this scenario, it is very clear from scripture where we should be. We have a responsibility, as wives, to do our part in this area. (Ephesians 5:22-32)

Marriage is tough, isn’t it? No matter how wisely we choose our spouse, we will all have some stony areas, and even big rocks, to navigate around. First and foremost, we need to use great wisdom in choosing our path. My very wise husband often tells our children that their choice of spouse will either make for a wonderful life or a very difficult life. They get to choose.

But after that is all behind us – and, for most of us, it is – we need to appropriately attire ourselves so that we are pleasing the Lord and making our marriage the very best it can be!

Defining Legalism

12 Comments / June 7, 2012 March 1, 2020

I don’t think I can actually count the amount of times I have been labeled a “legalist” in the last 30 years. So I have had to do a little soul-searching through the years. Am I a legalist? Is that label appropriate for me and my family because we stand for what the Bible teaches? The following is what I discovered.

First and foremost, legalism is the belief that you have to do something in order to be reconciled to God.

Dictionary.com gives this definition officially:

Legalism– the doctrine that salvation is gained through good works.

This goes completely against scripture where it clearly states in Ephesians 2:8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.

Clearly, we are not saved by our own works and if I believed that we were, then I would be a heretic officially. So do I adhere to the doctrine of legalism? Certainly not!

But if Christianity is made up of just saying a prayer asking the Lord to “come into your heart”, then what is the cost? Why wouldn’t everyone take this “fire insurance” from hell?

It is because Christianity is more than a prayer. With true belief comes sacrifice. With true belief comes a desire to grow in holiness and purity. And this is where we get confused.

You see, I don’t think I should have high standards and keep myself separate from the world to be saved. I believe I should have high standards and keep myself separate from the world because I am saved.

All Christians agree that we should love each other and help the poor. There is no argument there, so let’s talk about this separation from the world thing a bit more.

If scripture clearly teaches that we are to be separate from the world, that we are to desire to grow in holiness and purity, the question becomes not: “what am I allowed to do?” but, instead, “why would I want to?”

The more mature we grow in Christ, the less we should actually desire to see two people fornicating on a movie screen, or listen to a song about the ecstasy of drug use, or hear the crude language of our friends. It is not “Can I?”… It becomes “I don’t desire to.”

It is true that all believers are at a different point in their Christian growth. I remember a friend who had no problem wearing a bikini as a college student. I have no doubt that she was saved but, in the area of immodesty, she was blind. However, as she has grown as a believer, she has seen that immodesty does not please the Lord, and has since changed not only how she dresses personally but how she and her husband allow their daughters to dress, as well. We all have blind spots in our walks with God. This is not about pointing fingers.

And while it is not our job to place rules on others, it is our place to stand for what is right and wrong. Here in America, there seems to be a race going on as to who can call themselves Christians and still be the most worldly. Holding to absolutes is frowned upon, not only in the world, but even in our churches. Everything has become wishy-washy and up for grabs. But I want you to know that we serve a God of absolutes! Yes, He is loving and He has shown us grace and mercy. But He is also just and He hates sin. He stands for what is right and wrong and I am to do no less.

If God makes it clear in His Word that He hates adultery, fornication, strife, orgies, drinking parties, drunkenness, crude and profane language, lewdness, taking His name in vain, sorcery, and immodesty then why in the world would we even desire to make any of that a part of our life- whether by actually doing those things, or by wasting our precious time watching movies, listening to music, playing video games, or reading things filled with these things God hates?

You see, being a Christian is a sacrifice. It is not some fun journey we are on to find our personal purpose in life and live however we want with the promise of heaven. Christianity is hard. We are going to be hated in this world – not loved. Jesus was persecuted and we should expect no less (Matthew 5:10-12; John 15:18-20; 2 Timothy 3:12). Standing for the Truth is not for cowards. It will mean great sacrifice. In America, we are fortunate – it doesn’t mean losing our homes, or prison, or death. But it can possibly cost us jobs, relationships, and our reputations.

I write all of this with a humble heart, knowing I have much growing to do in my own Christian walk…knowing that I am blind, too, in areas that are not pleasing to my heavenly Father. These blind spots are why it is so very important that we regularly confess our sins, study God’s Word, and ask the Lord to help us walk in the Spirit. We need to continually be checking our desires, our thoughts, and our longings (2 Corinthians 13:5). Are they in tune with the works of God or the works of the flesh? May we desire to be in tune with God and keep working towards this goal until the day we die. Not to be saved…but because we are saved.