Life

Ants and Donuts

6 Comments / November 1, 2018

A few weeks ago I came downstairs to find ants. Normal-sized ones and teeny-tiny ones* were making themselves right at home on my kitchen counter. I had been fighting a battle with them since it got cooler. I thought we had beat them, although I would still find an occasional one making its lone way across the countertop. Until that morning.

I grabbed some thick sheets of wet paper towel and just started wiping it across the counter, gathering all I could see in my broad swipes, muttering to myself all the while. I. Hate. Ants. Especially in my house.

Nearby sat a container of apple cider donuts leftover from a gathering the night before. I carefully lifted them up in the dim light, twisting and turning the clear container all around. I didn’t have my glasses on but from what I could tell, they looked okay. I breathed a sigh of relief and moved them to the kitchen island where, at least so far, no ants had been spotted.

A little while later, my husband mentioned that the donuts had ants all through them. Rather shocked, I put on my glasses and sure enough! They were all over those donuts. What looked like hundreds of them crawling over, under, and through the holes in the middle.

How could I have not seen them?

I threw the donuts away and went on with my day.

But I’ve been thinking a lot about this incident. There are a few lessons to be learned.

The first lesson that came to mind is that worry and anxiety are like those ants. They crawl in and around and through everything good in our lives and destroy it. While worry and anxiety do nothing to help change the future, they do destroy the present. I think this is why Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:34–

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

The fact that Jesus mentions this would tell us that worry has always been around. What is the antidote for worry? How do we get to “Do Not Worry”? I am actually still working on that. However, I think there are two things that can really help.

First, and most importantly, we need to fill our minds with God’s Word. His Word fills us with comfort and peace and gives us an eternal perspective. We should memorize a few verses about who God is. And Matthew 6:34 (or even back up a few verses and catch the rest of what Jesus has to say about worry). Saturating our minds with God’s Word will serve us well when the anxieties loom over us and steal our joy.

Second, we need to turn our attention from inward to outward. It is hard to see the needs of others when we are focused on ourselves. We render ourselves fairly ineffective for God’s Kingdom when we are overtaken and haunted by worry and anxiety about the future. But when we can think outside ourselves and serve others, we will find that the thoughts of anxiety and worry will melt away as other thoughts fill our minds.

I believe that our battle with worry and anxiety is a sin because it shows that we are not trusting God or submitting to His will for our lives. I also believe that this sin is one that almost all of us fight at one time or another. The first key is to recognize it as a sin (and not just blame it on our personality or circumstances) and then we need to actively work to eradicate that sin from our lives.

The second lesson from those ants is this: We need our glasses on in order to see the ants. The Bible functions as our glasses. It gives us understanding and shows us who God is, who we are, what sin is, how we can be saved, and how we can grow in Christ. Everything we need for life and godliness is within its pages.

But, too often, we try to navigate life without it. And so we have ants on our donuts but we don’t even realize it! We think all is fine when it’s not fine at all. The Bible not only helps us get rid of the ants, it shows us that the ants exist.

You may think you’d just rather know the ants don’t exist. And I feel that way, too, sometimes. But God’s way is always perfect and finding those ants (and sins!) sooner rather than later is always going to be best for us!

So we need to put on our Bible glasses in order to see ourselves as we really are (instead of our “friend” glasses that have us comparing ourselves to those around us).

And then we need to do something about it. Remember what James says–

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; 24 for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. 25 But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. James 1:22-25

 

I don’t like ants, but they did give me something to write about this morning, so as it’s the first day of November I can say, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, there’s even a reason to be thankful for ants on my counter! Have a great day!

 

 

*The exterminator told me the really tiny ants were baby ants! Who knew??

 

The Expedient Lie

4 Comments / October 29, 2018

A friend of mine and her husband have wisely decided that their family will not celebrate Halloween*. As they have been going out and about town these past few weeks her four-year-old has frequently been asked what he will be dressing up like for trick-or-treating. His consistent answer was that he wouldn’t be dressing up because “Mom says we only celebrate holidays that have to do with Jesus.”

But one day a lady asked him this same question and his answer was remarkedly different.

“Umm, I am going to be a superhero!”

“Ohh, which super hero?” the lady asked.

This peaked his mom’s interest, as he doesn’t even know any superheros. She stood back to watch where this was going.

“Ummm, well, it’s red and blue…” His mom realized he was describing a mask and cape that he had at home.

“Oh, nice.”

But the little guy wasn’t done yet. He added this, “And yeah, I am going to wear it to our Halloween party.”

She says, “Oh, a Halloween party?”

He proceeded to enthusiastically tell her that he would be eating cake and having fun there.

Mom didn’t say anything but later she asked him why he had told that lady he was dressing up and talked about a Halloween party.

He said something like this: “Well, I just got tired of telling people I don’t dress up and that we don’t celebrate Halloween and so I just decided I am going to tell them I am going to be a super hero and that way people are more excited.”

This little boy had done what so many of us do. We tell an expedient lie to avoid consequences. While we adults tend to justify these lies in our minds the little boy, like most children do, had been quite honest about why he did it. He didn’t feel like dealing with the questions anymore so he just told them what they wanted to hear.

Can you think of the last time you did this same thing? How often do we say something dishonest in order to avoid a hassle and/or ridicule?

I would say it’s pretty often. It’s actually pretty ingrained into this culture anymore. It’s hard to gauge people’s true opinions because they generally aren’t saying them. Oh, I know there are lots spouting off online and that’s not good either. But there are lots and lots of Christians who are just not saying their honest opinion about the things that matter because they don’t want the heat. It’s just easier to go along with the crowd or to make up an answer that people like.

Specifically, I can think of a few ways that we Christians do this in our homes, workplaces, and churches–

What do you think of _________ (ungodly movie, band, or book)

         (uhhh, it was okay. I really liked the part where…)

Did you finish that report today?

           (“oh, yes, I started it” while it’s laying in an unopened folder on our desk)

Will you be home by six?

        (“That’s my plan” knowing full well that there is no way it will happen)

Do you like my new hair style? (I hate this one. It’s so hard to navigate!)

             (“Yes, it’s so cute” when it’s not cute. At all)

And husbands will relate to this one: Wives ask, “do you think I’m fat?”

          (Oh, no, of course not, dear)

It’s just easier and much more expedient to lie most of the time. We avoid hurt feelings, fights, arguments, derision, and mockery when we do this. Surely God doesn’t have a problem with it, right?

Well, I’m not so sure.

God condemns lying very strongly in His word. Here are just a few of the many verses–

The wicked are estranged from the womb; They go astray as soon as they are born, speaking lies. Psalm 58:3

He who works deceit shall not dwell within my house; He who tells lies shall not continue in my presence. Psalm 101:7

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, But those who deal truthfully are His delight. Proverbs 12:22

Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. Ephesians 4:25

Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, Colossians 3:9

Inevitably, when we discuss lying, the subject of Rahab comes up. She lied to protect God’s servants and was blessed for it (Joshua 6:17; Hebrews 11:31). Dare I point out the obvious?

Rahab was not lying to protect herself.

While I am not prepared to discuss what anyone should do in her circumstances, I think it is pretty clear that lying to protect our own selfish interests is clearly sinful. And, if we are completely honest, we are generally not protecting anyone other than ourselves when we lie. So to use Rahab (or even the Christians who hid Jews during the Holocaust) as our excuse to lie would be a pretty ridiculous cop-out.

God hates lying lips. We know this from His Word. And yet we all so easily fall into lying. Because it’s just easier. Perhaps it is time to carefully examine our words for how often we are speaking the truth.

 

*Should a Christian celebrate Halloween? I’ve vacillated through the years on my response to this question. Recently, though, with the rise of occultic activity and the growing fascination with all things dark (zombies, witches, vampires, magic) I would agree with my friend and would avoid celebrating this holiday. A good question to ask is this: Does this holiday glorify God or the devil? The obvious answer to this should give us a clue as to whether or not we should participate in this holiday.

 

 

Unlikely Lesson on Sharing the Gospel

4 Comments / September 13, 2018

Last week, the two administrative assistants in our business office, along with myself, spent a few ours watching the demos of two different software programs. We are being forced to discontinue using an outdated system that is being “put out to pasture”, so to speak, and the time has come to make a move.

Some of you know me well enough to know that this kind of thing stresses me out. It is such a huge decision with big ramifications for our company. A software that has a lot of bugs or doesn’t do what we need to do could really make running our office difficult. And so I have been delaying it for quite some time. However, it can be delayed no longer.

Our office is right next to our house, so I told the two women to come on over and I put the demo on the big screen in our family room. We settled into our comfie chairs to watch and listen as each of the two salesmen tried to tell us why their program was the best one for us to buy.

The ways the two men communicated and went about selling their companies was in such contrast that it startled me, quite frankly. After the two demos were over, the girls and I sat talking about the two men and the comparison to sharing the Gospel. It could not have been more appropriate. And it was so clear.

Let’s, for the sake of clarity, call the Companies A & B. We will call the sales reps Mr. One and Mr. Two.

Our first demo was scheduled for 10am with Mr. One of Company A. He sounded friendly enough as we got started but after only the third question he reminded us that we had “a lot to cover here”. In other words: Stop asking questions. Now keep in mind that this is a BIG change for us and he is trying to sell us on his company. Strike #1. He went on to explain the software, clicking through the different screens but we noticed that he always seemed a bit stymied when we asked a question (which we continued to do despite his best efforts to discourage them). Strike #2. And then we got to a deal breaker. A strange inability of the software to do something incredibly basic. All three of us tried to kindly ask in different ways if the program could do what we needed it to do. Mr. One got defensive and insisted it could. All three of us obviously knew that it couldn’t. He would say it could but he couldn’t show that it could. Strike #3. Usually you are out with strike three but the program still interested us–if only we could get around that one deal breaker. Mr. One called me about a half hour after the demo ended to say that he had talked to someone and that it most certainly could do what we needed it to do. As I listened to him describe a different screen, clicking here and filtering there, I realized that he was just explaining a different way that the program could not do what we needed it to do. When I kindly made the observation that we loved the software but were more than a little surprised that something this intrinsic to running an efficient office wasn’t included in the software, he grew almost belligerent with me. He was condescending and very offended. Strike #4. In a final effort to try to see if this could work, I asked if it would be possible for us to have a trial of the program where I could set up a few dummy customers and see if I could somehow figure out a different way for the program to do what it needs to do (sometimes it just takes some thinking outside the box!) He then informed me that no, that would not be possible. I was befuddled. Here is a company asking me to spend thousands of dollars on their program and they wouldn’t give me a trial run at it? Why not? And that was Strike #5. At this point, I was feeling pretty discouraged. After this guy’s arrogant attitude, I didn’t really want to work with this company but what if there wasn’t anything else out there?

At 1pm, we reconvened to watch the demo of Company B with Mr. Two. As we connected, we saw our website on his screen. He had taken the time to pull up our website and read our About Me page. He explained that he felt it was important to know our company and what we do, so he could best explain how the software program would work for us. Gold Star #1. As he started to explain the program and we peppered him with questions, he kindly answered them, often thanking us for asking such a good question. The contrast to Mr. One was startlingly remarkable at this point. And such a relief, if I am honest. I realize that Mr. Two is obviously a very good salesmen who wants to sell a program, but we all wanted to feel free to ask as many questions as we needed and Mr. Two really made us feel like we could do that. He never once made us feel stupid or small for asking any question. Gold Star #2. As we continued to watch, we found a real problem with the program. Instead of insisting that his program could do something it couldn’t, he assured us that he had already talked with the program engineers about fixing it and he hopes there will be a change soon. In the meantime, we could go about it in a different way and proceeded to explain the work-around. Gold Star #3. He was incredibly kind and warm throughout the entire interview and never once was he condescending or impatient. Again, such a great contrast to Mr. One. Gold Star #4. A few hours after the demo, I emailed Mr. Two some questions. Within minutes he had answered to my satisfaction. This email included his assurance that he surely did understand our desire to have a trial time and he would be happy to set that up for us at our convenience. Gold Star #5. Through the whole process Mr. Two was kind and real, making conversation easily to find out more about us and our company and yet maintaining professionalism throughout the whole demo.

As the women and I discussed the decided difference between Mr. One and Mr. Two, we were reminded how much this pertains to how we share the Gospel with others.

Some are like Mr. One. Condescending, self-important, not knowing the answers to basic questions. They are defensive and easily offended. Their arrogance puts lost souls at a distance and leaves their important questions unasked.

And then there are those like Mr. Two. Kind, open, interested in others. They are the ones that know a good many answers to the questions the lost ask, but if someone asks something they don’t know, they will smile and assure the person that they will find out an answer from the Bible. There is a warmth that exudes from this type of person that is hard to resist. Even if you don’t like what they are saying it is really hard to not like them.

I don’t know about you, but I so long to be like Mr. Two as I talk to people about the Gospel. But, much more importantly, I want to follow the example of Jesus. I want to genuinely show that I care about someone enough to tell them the truth about heaven and hell. I want to be kind, humble, loving, and authentic. And I want to know the answers to their questions (and be willing to do the work of looking for biblical answers when I don’t have them.)

I don’t know Mr. One and Mr. Two beyond those demos. I doubt either of them are believers (which is why it was so important for me to continue to be gracious with Mr. One, despite my frustrations. I hope I succeeded…). But the two demos really reminded me of how important it is to be genuinely interested in others, to be patient and kind, and to have a thorough knowledge of the Bible and its doctrines, as well as of the Gospel.

Not to “sell” something but so that we can be used by God to share the good news of the Gospel with the hopelessly and eternally lost who are wandering in this dark and dying world searching for answers.

When to Stop Talking

19 Comments / September 10, 2018

Every year there are “Christian” books that rise to the popular status of “everyone must read”. This kind of popularity always raises a red flag for me because the Bible’s message of denying self and taking up our cross is definitely not popular in a world that teaches self-absorption and the importance of following our dreams.

And usually (but not always) these trendy books that are labeled Christian show their true colors when we dig a little deeper. Underneath all of the Christian lingo, we will generally find them full of human wisdom and new age principles.

Of course, Christians are the ones that catapult these books to the bestseller list, imbibing all their appealing, comforting, and uplifting messages without ever really stopping to think if they line up with scripture.

It started with books like Experiencing God, Purpose-Driven Life, The Shack, Jesus Calling, The Circle Maker, Your Best Life Now and it has continued on until now there are so many, it is hard to keep track. There is always a latest, greatest book that all Christians “should read”.

And these books are changing the way we view God and His Word. By inserting man-centered, new age, occultic thoughts and principles, these authors are successfully weaving mainstream Christianity into something that will melt right into the New World Order. This is not conspiracy. This is fact. If you think I am crazy for saying this, I encourage you to do a little research. You will find that it cannot be denied.

Sadly, many Christians are reading these books instead of reading their Bibles, essentially presenting themselves as prey to all kinds of false teachers and doctrines.

But here’s the thing: Most don’t care.

That’s right. Most who call themselves Christians do not care that the Bible doesn’t line up with what they are reading.

I am always amazed to read the comments of a solid book review that compares the latest, greatest “Christian” book to what scripture teaches. Christians, in droves, will go to battle to defend these books. The negative comment will often start like this–

“Well, I think…” or “The book made me feel…” and “But it had so much good…”

The thing is this: Of course it made you think and feel good things. It wouldn’t be a best seller if it didn’t. And, of course, it contained a few biblical messages. That is the only way Satan can sell it to Christians. He can’t make it too obvious or we won’t buy it.

But most don’t care that the essence of the book’s message is full of man’s wisdom and not biblical. They just don’t care. They are much more concerned about their feelings than they are about adhering to the Word of God. Even if you show them specific ways that a book (or ministry or teacher) contradicts scripture and use a plethora of verses to prove your point from the Bible, they will continue in their defense of the unbiblical book (or false teacher or heretical ministry).

And that is when we stop talking.

We cannot make someone care about what scripture says. We cannot force them to hold the Bible as the authority and guidebook for their lives. We cannot coerce someone to open their blind eyes.

And so we stop talking. Otherwise, we will just create unnecessary rifts and divides. Of course, oftentimes, it’s not as simple as this. Some people like debates and they want to keep talking. But we must remember that, while it is healthy to have a good discussion, it is also important that we discern when our words are doing more harm than good.

We have to understand that our words hold no weight if the other person doesn’t care what the Bible has to say. Because God’s Word is literally our only defense. It is the only base from which to speak truth. Our opinions about these matters mean absolutely nothing.

And so it takes some wisdom and discernment to know when it’s best to just stop talking and to start praying. For it is God and only God that changes the heart.

And praise God for those who do want to know! In this age of rampant apostasy and easy-believism, we can grow discouraged at the great number of Christians who just don’t seem to care. But let’s be thankful that there are still those that want to know the truth. There are still so many who want to live by God’s Word and yet they are simply unaware that they are ingesting heresy.

And let’s not forget one very important thing: We don’t know everything. Just because God may have opened our eyes in one area doesn’t mean our eyes are opened in every area. It is so important that we stay humble and teachable, willing to listen to what others have to say and thoughtfully compare it to the Word of God.

So let’s be humble and talk when we are given opportunities, but let’s also carefully discern when it is best to stop talking, take a step back, and really pray for someone. For it is only God who can make the blind eyes see.

 

 

Thirty Years In

6 Comments / August 20, 2018

We dropped our youngest daughter off at college last week. Thirty-four years ago, I was the one being dropped off at college. I remember my dad loading everything in our red and white van and then our whole family, along with a favorite aunt and uncle, climbing into that van and heading west.

As a freshman, I was both nervous and excited. Mostly, if I am honest, I was excited about meeting some new guys and possibly (hopefully) meeting “Mr. Right”. In that era, girls were teased about going to school for their M.R.S. degree. While that wasn’t why I was there, I have to admit that I was harboring a hope that I would find my husband.

A week or two in, I spotted the guy while I was working in the cafeteria. I found out later that he was a sophomore majoring in Business Admin. He must’ve thought I was cute (so he tells me now) because he’d always be sure to pick my line and chat with me whenever he was in the cafeteria. But he had a girlfriend and another guy was showing interest in me and so that seemed to be where it would all end.

But it did not end there. I won’t go into all of the ups and downs of our next three years, but let’s just say I knew he was Mr. Right long before he knew I was Mrs. Right!

At the end of my junior year, we sat down and had a long talk. We decided to give it one final try. He would be graduating so this was it. We started to hang out together and he asked me to the Junior/Senior Banquet (the picture above is from that night). Ironically (and perhaps providentially), his family had recently moved a half hour away from my hometown and so he suggested we try dating over the summer to see how it would go.

Well, it went. Really well. And neither of us ever looked back. (Well, I might have taken a slight glance back after we were engaged. You know how you can do that sometimes when you finally get what you want? I found myself asking: Did I actually want this?? Is this really the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with? Happily after a day or two of doubts, I realized I most certainly did.)

So why am I telling you all of this? Well, today, August 20, 2018 is our 30th wedding anniversary!

Those two immature and naive kids got married and started a life together. We had absolutely no idea what we were doing. At one point, in our seventh year, we struggled so. We still don’t really know why. We had three kids and a young business. Life was crazy busy. And we just couldn’t get along. But we clung to our commitment to each other through that rocky sea and held on tight. And, soon enough, we were through it and on to calmer and sunnier seas.

We’ve had periods like that throughout our marriage. If you are married, I am sure you know what I am talking about.

So what makes certain people stay committed and others walk away? Why the raised eyebrows of surprise, the congratulations, and the “wows” when we say we have been married for thirty (or twenty or fifteen) years?

Because marriages that last are getting rarer and rarer these days. Many men and women don’t take their marriage vows seriously anymore and it has caused no end of hurt and pain. Especially when it is only one who decides to disregard those vows and their heartbroken spouse is left to pick up the pieces and try to make the best of it.

I am thankful for the godly examples of marriage we have around us. We are the rare family that has both sides still intact. Our fathers have been loving our mothers for over fifty years now. Our mothers have been loving our fathers. They have set an incredible example of love and commitment.

This year it has been especially evident as we have seen my father-in-law care for my mother-in-law through a difficult season of her health. He has been so dedicated to her and his love for her is so incredibly inspiring. (She actually has a pretty serious back surgery scheduled for this morning at 9am, so if you are reading this on the day that I have posted it, a prayer for her would be much appreciated!)

We hope we can only set the same example as our parents for our kids and grandkids. And that our kids can then do the same for their kids and grandkids. We pray for this.

But, of course, sometimes it doesn’t work out like that, does it? I know that many of you already have kids with broken marriages and grandchildren with divorced parents. Perhaps you yourself are divorced. What then?

Well, the best news of all is that God is a God of mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Sure, divorce isn’t His best plan for anyone. But that doesn’t mean He loves you any less or that you have forfeited all of His blessing in your life. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin.

I don’t want to make light of it. We know that God hates divorce. But we also know from scripture (Matthew 5; 19; I Corinthians 7) that it does happen. And, so, at that point, we must pick up the pieces, deal with the consequences, and make the best of it, trusting God to see us through. Supporting and loving our children as they face the challenges and heartache that divorce brings.

So what is my point?

I guess there are two–

First, if you are in a marriage where you are going through a tough patch, keep on keeping on. Do what you can to make it work. It might not be possible because you are only one person of the two involved. You can’t change that other person. But do what you can.

Second, if you find yourself in a situation where divorce is part of your life story– in whatever capacity– then know that God loves you and can heal your broken heart. Some of you may have great regrets about how you handled that first marriage or perhaps that you didn’t warn your child of red flags you saw in their future mate during the dating period. You just wish you could go back and change things. But it’s too late. Others of you just long for your spouse to turn away from sin and back to you and to the Lord. But you can’t change your spouse’s heart and desires and the whole thing seems hopeless. There are so many things outside of our control and we can’t put the sand back in the hourglass. And so we must move on, trusting in God to turn something ugly into something beautiful. One day at a time, one step at a time. Even when we can’t understand how He possibly could.

And here’s the thing– married, not married, divorced, remarried, single–we all have sins, temptations, trials, and problems. Some of the greatest trials and sins are unseen from the public eye. Even the happiest-looking marriages and families are not free from the effects of a fallen world.

How did I end up here when I started out talking about my anniversary? I am not sure. I feel such grief for several I know who are going through really hard times in their marriages right now. My heart aches for them and I so want them to know that they are loved and supported as they travel a road they never thought they’d take. One they hate with all of their hearts.

I am thankful for my marriage. And for my husband. If we have a spouse that loves us, we can be grateful. But let us remember our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling in their marriages today. Let’s uphold them in prayer and give them lots of love. Because that’s what we should do in the Body of Christ.

 

 

 

 

An “Unofficial” Kid Study

4 Comments / August 9, 2018

The other night our company participated in a community fair (which I also wrote about last time). We kept it pretty simple with just a few brochures and portfolios and then filled the table with bins of different types of treats. To the left side of the table was a big spinning wheel (like a small “wheel of fortune”) that was labeled with all of the items on the table.

There is just something about spinning a wheel to see what you get. Even some adults were drawn to spinning the wheel at our encouragement. But, mostly, it was kids.

Toddlers and big kids, shy kids and bold kids, poor kids, rich kids, happy kids, quiet kids. Kids with the light of a good life in their eyes. Kids who were already knee deep in the struggles of life. But for a few minutes all of that was put aside as they’d tug at that wheel.

I enjoyed observing them and started doing my own unofficial “kid study”. As the evening wore on, I was able to break them down into a few different types–

The Shy Kid–The boy or girl who had to be pulled by the arm towards the wheel or cajoled by a parent or sibling in order to be brave enough to spin the wheel.

The Greedy Kid–The kid (many of them) who came back over and over until we had to tell them {very politely} that it would be nice to give someone else a turn.

The Embarrassed Kid–These are the ones that were just on the cusp of being an adult and felt like they should be too old to enjoy something like this–but they just couldn’t resist.

The Manipulative Kid–This is the one that would try to manipulate the wheel to the item of their choice. I only saw this once and he was also a greedy kid–trying to come back over and over to get what he wanted until, finally, with the last spin, he just moved the wheel to what he wanted. I pretended I didn’t see.

The Happy Kid–These are the ones that were just having a good time. It didn’t matter what the wheel landed on, they were happy about it.

The Discontented Kid–These are the ones that were never happy with what the wheel landed on. Sometimes they’d even lie and say they couldn’t have such and such kind of candy but they could have this other. What gave them away was that both kinds they’d mention had the same ingredients (dyes, sugar, etc) so it wouldn’t make any sense at all. But we’d just laugh and give them what they wanted.

The Charismatic Kid–The one that would lead all his friends to the wheel.

All of these kids had one thing in common–they were sinners. They had all different types of personalities and traits and life experiences, but they are all sinners. Just like we all are.

Isn’t it so interesting that we can see those same types of kids in the adults around us? We never really outgrow our personalities.

We have the shy and embarrassed ones–the ones who are so concerned about how they will look (selfishness) that they won’t step out in faith and do what they should. We have the greedy ones that are always looking for a deal, always searching for a way to get ahead or to get rich quick. We have the discontented–oh so many of the discontented–no matter how much they have it is never enough. And the manipulative ones–the ones using people and stepping on them to their own advantage. And the happy ones. The only thing we realize about the happy ones as we become adults is that it is often a cover for a lot of pain and hurt underneath. Not always, of course, but often.

These things don’t go away just because we become adults. Our challenge is to take our natural bents and personality traits and to use them for good and not evil. To eradicate the sin and to maximize the gifts God has given us.

This isn’t always, easy, for certain, but it’s one of our most important assignments, as believers. Think about how many people turn away from the Gospel each year because of these two things–

1. Christians living in their sin and not turning away from it (hypocrites)

or

2. Sinners who claim Christ but are probably not saved because they have zero fruit (liars)

There is nothing to turn people away from the Gospel more than hypocrites and liars. And how do we keep from becoming one of those? We stop pretending like we are perfect and acknowledge we are sinners–

not broken, not sick, not diseased

but downright, ugly, hopeless, lost

SINNERS

And then, with that recognition, we recognize Christ’s sacrifice for us. That we cannot be saved without Him. That reconciliation with God is utterly hopeless unless Christ’s takes our sin on Himself, presenting us spotless before God.

And then we start our journey of sanctification and holiness–a never-ending task. Difficult but not unpleasant. God changes our hearts so we want what He wants. His commands are not arduous and distasteful to follow, for we are changed. Sure, our flesh cries out in dismay at the rules and we long for things we can’t have sometimes but we recognize that for what it is. We can see the bigger picture and we know that God has our best interests in mind. Our hearts long to serve Him. And, along the way, we strive to give God the glory in our victories. It is Him working through us that brings change and transformation.

Let’s be honest. Kids are cute. And we find things like a little boy turning the wheel to get what he wants quite humorous. But it isn’t so funny in an adult. What is cute for a kid is often distasteful or even downright ugly in an adult. It is important that we grow up and out of those sins that would beset us so that we can shine the bright (and rare) light of an authentic, Christian testimony in this world.

 

 

A Real Rarity

4 Comments / July 5, 2018

The other day I was listening to a podcast where two men were discussing the rarity of people who are really willing to listen to an opposing viewpoint anymore. The context was in discussing discernment and how–even with solid biblical evidence–few people will really listen to someone who simply wants to share with them their concerns. Instead, they regularly encounter a defensive, arrogant spirit and often endure personal attacks. Simply from speaking up against a false teacher.

They went on to say how this is very different than in years gone by, where two people could have an intelligent and thoughtful conversation about Bible teachers, authors, pastors, (and I will add: Anything else).

Why is this? Why this crazily defensive and hostile attitude towards someone who disagrees with us? What has been fomenting this strange relationship phenomenon over the last few decades?

But why isn’t really the question I want to deal with today. I am more interested in what this change in how we accept and give confrontation has cost us as Christians–and what we can do about it personally.

You see, when we aren’t willing to listen to and to think on a viewpoint or opinion that is in opposition to ours we set ourselves up for failure. How in the world can we grow in holiness and keep ourselves pure and separated from the world if we think we know everything? Do we honestly believe we know all there is to know about God and His Word? We don’t have to agree with someone but we can always listen and consider what they are saying in light of God’s Word. Instead it is most common–even for Christians– to get angry, to attack and malign, and to hold grudges.

This plays itself out in a myriad of ways–

–When someone comes to us with a concern about a favorite teacher or author. How do we respond?

–When our spouse confronts us about a sin in our lives. How do we respond?

–When our child seems confused about something we said or did and asks us about it. How do we respond?

–When someone at church doesn’t like our decision about a ministry we lead. How do we respond?

–When a parent, sibling, or friend lovingly questions our entertainment choice, our child-rearing, or some other aspect of our lives. How do we respond?

At the heart of this all is arrogance. Plain and simple. “Who are you to tell me…anything?”

So this leads us to two important points that we need to consider today.

First, what kind of “hearer” are we? Are we willing to reflect on the words someone speaks to us? Or do we immediately go on the defensive? Do we allow our relationships to change or be destroyed because we don’t like what someone has said to us? Do we lash out in attack? Do we hold grudges?

This is of the devil, my friends. Even if what someone is saying to us has zero biblical merit, we should choose to listen and consider. And then, if necessary, we must forgive. Satan would like nothing more than to break down the friendships and families of Christians. And this is a very effective way.

We can cut him off at the pass by responding to unpleasant words with humility and love.

Proverbs is full of counsel about the fool. And one of the main things about a fool is that he does not listen to wise counsel–

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But he who heeds counsel is wise. (Proverbs 12:15)

Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, For he will despise the wisdom of your words. (Proverbs 23:9)

And then Proverbs 26:12 shows us that there is more hope for a fool than for someone who is wise in their own eyes!–

Do you see a man wise in his own eyes?
There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Do we think we know all the answers? Then there is more hope for a fool than for us!

And, second, this new dynamic should make us consider very carefully what is worth a confrontation. How many people do you know that, with a critical spirit, sarcastically attack people about the most inane and insignificant things? If this is us, then we will not be listened to when it really matters. It is extremely important that we confront lovingly on biblical matters and then let the other stuff roll. After all, does it really matter if they chose to go here instead of there? Does it really matter if they did their preferred “this” instead of our preferred “that”? Is it a biblical matter? Does their choice have eternal ramifications? Asking these questions can help us determine if it is worth a confrontation. Instead, we sometimes get this all mixed up and we confront (or make sarcastic remarks) on the trivial and never touch the stuff that has eternal ramifications. This is another subtle trick of Satan’s.

And, third, we should consider our own attitude about confrontation. It takes courage and a lot of love to confront someone in a biblical way. It is so much easier to just sit by and let it go. True love speaks the truth. Self-interest often leads to either ignoring it or saying sarcastic, back-handed remarks that hurt instead of heal.

Just recently, I was part of something like this and that experience has given me a real-life example of how all of this should work –in the right way. I will be purposely vague. I felt compelled to talk with someone about something. I hesitated for a very long time because of the possible ramifications. I have lost friends over things like this. I knew the risk and I basically told God I didn’t want to take it. But I knew that I was not doing the right thing. So I prayed and told God that if He would open up an opportunity, I would take it. Otherwise, I would stay quiet. Of course, the perfect opportunity presented itself a few days later. And, so, I, faltering and lovingly, shared my concern. And, wonderfully, the other person heard me without getting upset. They took what I told them and they acted upon it. This is how this should work between Christians (Proverbs 27:17). I was beyond thankful. And I wondered: Am I as mature and wise as this person when someone confronts me?

This is a question we should all ask: Do I hear? Or am I like the fool?

And the second question: Do I confront lovingly and only on the things that really matter?

Let’s be one of those real rarities: A Christian who is willing to thoughtfully consider what someone has to say to us and to also be one that has enough love and courage to confront when it’s biblically necessary.

 

 

Do You Have a Few Minutes?

2 Comments / June 25, 2018

Last week, a Growing4Life reader (who is also a dear friend) gave me a biography of J.C. Ryle. She knows that he is one of my favorite authors and had picked this book up for me as a gift. Inside the book she had written a wonderful (and much needed) note of encouragement. I often marvel at God’s perfect timing and am so thankful that He so often uses others to encourage us as we go about doing the work He has called us to do. No matter what our calling is in life, we all can use a pick-me-up once in awhile.

Certain people seem to have the gift of encouragement (like my friend) but it is really something we should all be doing.

It’s crazy how quickly we all fill up our time. Crazier still that this “filling up” hasn’t really led to better lives–just busier ones. And this leaves us precious little time to build into the lives of those around us. We get so caught up in our own worlds and our own problems, that we forget the discouragement, sadness, disillusionment, and grief that is overwhelming others.

Romans 12:15 tells us that we are to–

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

 

But, if we are honest, most of us are too busy rejoicing and weeping over our own situations to pay much attention to the situations of others.

And that is why today I want to offer a little challenge to all of us. Would you join me this week in my Encouraging Others challenge? The truth of the matter is that, as believers, we should do this every day but few of us actually do. Oh, some of you are much, much better at this than others and will find this challenge easy. But some of you aren’t an “encourager” by nature and could find this to be a bit more challenging. I hope you will step out in faith and give it a try, anyway.

This week, let’s take just a few minutes of each day and encourage someone. Think through all of your friends, family, church family, and co-workers. Who do you know that could use a bit of a pick-me-up this week? You can also encourage someone you don’t know all that well (or at all) such as the cashier at the grocery store, the lonely elderly person at the mall, or a hurting neighbor.

We live in a sinful and hurting world which means that there are probably millions of people who could use some encouragement right now. Would you join me in making a small dent in that number this week by taking on this challenge?

Here are some ideas that might help you as you think about who you want to encourage and how you want to encourage–

1. Be aware of those around you. Notice if someone seems extra quiet or appears to be struggling and take some time to talk with them and ask them about themselves. Not in a nosey, busybody way, but in a loving and kind way that shows you genuinely care. If someone just won an award or received some good news, rejoice with them.

2. Ask questions. Instead of talking about yourself the next time you are with a friend or talking with a bank teller or store clerk, ask questions. How is your day? How are the kids? Do you enjoy your job? are good questions for friends. And How are you today? Are you from around here? How long have you been working here? for strangers. And, if the Lord gives you opportunity, even How can I pray for you? I am often surprised at how many strangers will start telling me their life story if I ask a question or two. Most are ready and willing to talk to anyone because there is a real shortage of people who actually listen anymore. (But be sensitive if someone isn’t willing to talk. You will sense it pretty quickly).

3. Be creative. There are so many easy and quick ways to lift someone’s spirits. A hand-written note, an email, a lovely card, a comment on social media, a text, or phone calls are all ways to brighten someone’s day. You can literally do some of these in less than a minute so saying you don’t have time to take on this challenge is not an acceptable excuse! ;) Flowers from your garden or homemade cookies are an easy and inexpensive way to brighten someone’s day. A grocery or restaurant gift card for those in financial difficulty is another idea. Think outside the box.

4. Remember your discouraging times. What was it that cheered you up? What would have given you a much needed boost at your lowest time? When you think of it, do that for someone this week.

5. If you think something good about someone, try to say it to them. For example, if you notice that someone’s children are respectful and well-behaved, say something.  If you like someone’s new haircut or notice they’ve lost weight, mention it. If someone has blessed you by their special music, teaching, or preaching at church, let them know. If a co-worker really stepped up on a project, thank them. Say the good thoughts that you are thinking about others. This is perhaps the easiest way to encourage others.

6. Consider even more. If you feel extra ambitious or have a little extra time on your hands this week, think about taking someone a meal, visiting with a shut-in, or having some church families to your home for coffee and dessert.

7. Be sure to encourage fellow believers. These verses from Paul speak specifically regarding how we are to encourage one another as believers. Let’s remember our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, especially, this week–

But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation. 9 For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, 10 who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. 11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. (I Thessalonians 5:11)

8. If you are praying for someone, let them know. Sometimes we will be praying faithfully for someone but they have no idea. This week let’s take some time and let them know. I know I am so greatly encouraged when someone tells me they are praying for me. I am sure you feel the same.

9. Expect to be blessed. It is so amazing how blessing others almost always blesses us more. It doesn’t seem logical, I know, but when we put aside our own selfish desires and agendas and focus on blessing others, we are so blessed, too! It’s one of the most beautiful things about being an encourager.

So are you ready? Do you have a few minutes that you can carve out of your day to be an encourager? Then let’s do it!

 

P.S. If you have other creative ideas on how to encourage someone, please share them in the comment section below. And thanks in advance! :)

The Other Side of the Equation

7 Comments / May 31, 2018

On Monday I wrote about the “Tactless Art of Making People Feel Small”. In that post I shared how important it is that we treat others as we want to be treated instead of acting like we are better than they are. It was an important post because it’s an easy (and acceptable) sin to commit. I hope you will take the time to read it if you haven’t done so yet.

Ironically…

On Tuesday (the day after that post was written), I was planting flowers for a few of our customers. I actually don’t do a whole lot of on-the-job work for our landscaping company but planning and planting the flowers in the busy month of May is something my husband has asked me to do.

Our second job of the day took us to the house of a customer who has mastered the art of making others feel small. We just know that this is the case with him and I tried to prepare myself for his condescension and abrasive attitude. While we were there he came out of the house and got into this car that was parked in the driveway. I glanced over with a smile and a ready wave, but he completely and absolutely ignored my daughter and me planting flowers in his front yard as he drove away in his {very expensive} car. And, yes, I’m pretty sure he knew we were there. That’s just the kind of guy he is. This is not the first time this kind of thing has happened and I am sure it won’t be the last. Unfortunately.

But my reason for writing is not this customer’s treatment of me. Rather, it is about my very wrong reaction to his treatment of me.

I was actually rather surprised at the intensity of the feelings that stirred up in my heart against him. Who does he think he is? The smallness I felt was almost tangible and my first reaction was indignation and animosity towards him.

The Holy Spirit almost immediately convicted me as I realized that this man doesn’t know the Lord. He is lost in his sins and my sinful anger won’t help Him to know my Savior but, in fact –should he ever find out my bad attitude towards him–would serve to drive him away from Christ. This really had me thinking as I sat there digging holes in the dirt and planting pink supertunias.

You see, there is another side to this equation of making someone feel small and that is: How we respond when someone makes us feel small. Because I think we have all been there. Whether it’s a customer who thinks they are better than us, an arrogant co-worker or boss who is constantly demanding things from us, a friend who directs unkind, sarcastic remarks at us, or any other countless situations that remind us that there are those who think we just aren’t important, all of us have been there at one time or another.

And how do we respond? Actually, don’t answer that. If you are like me, you won’t be very proud of the answer.

So let’s, instead, go to the Bible and see how we should respond–

First, Jesus tells us to love our enemies in Matthew 5:44: But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.

While this is talking specifically about those who hate us, I think we can safely say that if we are to love those who hate us, we should do the same for those who would make us feel small. It is easy to build a lot of resentment and bitterness towards someone who does this because it feels so very personal. But, instead, we must forgive and then forgive again. We must let the remarks roll off our backs without building up a mountain of anger inside that festers.

In fact, Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:21-22 that we are to continue to forgive someone, even if they continue to hurt us: Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

This can be hard to do with someone who is making us feel so incredibly unimportant and small.

(And if I may go down a quick bunny trail–I had to wonder why I was so angry about this as I stood in the front yard with my frozen smile on my face as I watched him drive away. And I realized it is that ugly old sin of pride cropping up yet again!! It revealed my own ugly self-importance that will probably plague me my whole life. And it makes me glad, once again, for a wonderful Savior who covers my sin and makes me right before God.)

And, second, I think it’s important we take it a step further as we respond to people like this by remembering that something is going on. While many of us struggle with making people feel small on occasion, there are those who do this to us all the time, which makes it harder to forgive. And yet, we have to understand that if someone is living in a pattern of this type of behavior, we can know that they are either lost and headed to hell in their arrogance and pride or they are saved but struggle with a deep-seated problem of insecurity and the only way to make themselves feel better is to make others feel small. Either way, they should be the recipients of our forgiving loving-kindness that would echo the same forgiveness and loving-kindness that God showed us– But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.(Romans 5:8).

If we need to wait for someone to treat us kindly before we treat them kindly, we are doing it all wrong. God can fill us with His love for someone like this, if we only just ask Him.

And, finally, we have to remember to put ourselves on the back seat and consider our ultimate objective–to save those who are lost and to draw believers to the Word of God and to walk closer with Him. What reaction will best further this goal? Instead of worrying about our foolish pride, we must toss it aside as the rubbish it is and turn our eyes towards eternal matters. What does it matter if someone thought they were better than us if they end up in hell?? It is sobering to think how often we let self  keep us from our ultimate objective.

Anyway, these are all the things I have been thinking about since that incident on Tuesday. I am sure that some of you do not struggle in the same way with that ugly root of pride, but for those of you that do, I hope that this post has encouraged you. God’s Word has the answers, it is just a matter of obeying it. Therein lies the real challenge.

 

The Tactless Art of Making People Feel Small

2 Comments / May 28, 2018

There is a way to instantly get on someone’s bad side. This builds walls between parents and children and creates barriers between friends. It can ruin ministries and destroy relationships.

I have seen it take place between adult children and their elderly parents. And between teenagers and their bewildered parents. I have seen it take place between teacher and student, pastor and congregation member, husband and wife, and clerk and customer.

It isn’t talked about a whole lot as a sin, but it is a very real (and accepted) sin for which we need to be on guard at all times.

So what is it, you may ask?

It is the art of making people feel small. The great art of condescension, which is defined as an attitude of patronizing superiority; disdain.

Have you ever been around someone who has done this to you?

How did this make you feel?

I can tell you how it makes me feel. It makes me feel unimportant and ridiculous. It makes me feel that I have no more value than a bug to be squashed on the sidewalk.

I know I have done this to others myself and I mourn over this. Do you feel the same way? Some of us are more prone to this than others.

I am especially heart-broken when I see this happen between adult children and their elderly parents. The rolling eyes, the patronizing attitude as I watch an adult child treat their parent with such disdain just fills me with sadness. Shouldn’t someone who raised us be worthy of our respect?

Now, first let me state that I have not been in the place of taking care of elderly parents yet. All four of our parents are still very independent so please know that I am not casting a pointing finger of judgement at any of you. I know there are real challenges in being a caregiver for someone who resists your care.

Rather, what I hope to do with this post is to gently encourage you to consider your communication with and attitude towards your elderly parents. And your children. Your co-workers and fellow believers and family members and friends. And clerks and bank tellers and landscapers and the people who pick up your trash.

Because there is little more to crush the spirit of another than to act like you know everything and they know nothing. Anger and frustration quickly build when someone gives the impression that they are way more important than the other person. There are few things that will as quickly create barriers between people than for one person to make another one feel stupid.

I’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum on this. I used to be condescending on a regular basis with my husband. It shames me to say it, but it’s true. I am thankful that he brought this to my attention and that God has worked in my heart but I am still so imperfect in this area (as well as so many others!) And, as lowly landscapers, we often feel condescension from those who would never choose a laborious job such as working with their hands and digging in the dirt. Quite thankfully, we have so many wonderful customers that make up for those that would treat us like dirt–no pun intended!! ;)

And, as is the case with all sin, the ugly root of this sin is pride. And, once again, we see clear evidence that–

Pride destroys and humility repairs

Pride builds walls and humility tears them down

Pride leads to dissension and humility leads to harmony

 

Another thing we need to keep in mind in regards to condescension is that it can be done with a big smile and sweet words. Have you ever run into one of those people that appear so sweet and kind but underneath it is hardened pride that keeps you from having any productive conversations with them? They are condescending but it is in the nicest way. In some ways this is the art of making people feel small at its finest. It can be done while still maintaining a godly and wholesome reputation.

So how do we keep ourselves from falling prey to this sin? What can we do to make sure we don’t patronize others? These are two things that I have found helpful, so I am passing them along–

1. Remember how Jesus treated others.

Jesus was never patronizing with people. We read of so many accounts he had with others–Zaccheus, the Samaritan Woman, Nicodemus, and others and condescension is never conveyed by even the slightest word or deed. Even when Jesus was angry with the Pharisees for their false teaching, He demonstrated that anger in clearly communicated words and not through snide and sarcastic condescension. Jesus’s sinless example is the one we want to follow as we reflect on how we should treat others.

2. Treat others as you would want to be treated.

Mark 12:31 says this: And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Love your neighbor as yourself. How would you want someone to tell you a hard truth? How would you want your adult child to treat you if you were the elderly parent losing your ability to do things independently and your dignity right along with it? Imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes and really take to heart how you would want to be treated if you were them.

 

Remembering these two things will bring a big change in this area of condescension. Keeping these in mind will fill us with a special grace and thoughtfulness that will naturally yield an attitude of loving-kindness and gentleness towards others rather than an air of superiority and disdain.

So let’s discard the tactless art of making people feel small and develop the art of making people feel special! Let’s eliminate the destructive root of pride that yields a superior, patronizing disdain for others and, instead, develop godly humility that tears down barriers and builds relationships.

This is God’s will for all of us, so we know His Holy Spirit will guide and direct us as we seek to make changes. We know that this is a prayer that God will answer if we are seriously seeking to do what’s right. God will be with us all as we seek to build rather than to tear down and as we strive to make others feel important and loved rather than stupid and worthless.

 

 

 

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