Life – Page 24 – Growing 4 Life

Removing the Junk

2 Comments / July 7, 2014 July 7, 2014

I have a feeling my husband might be a little upset with me today. Well, let me begin at the beginning.

I have spent the last year or so on a very slow and arduous journey. It has taken me to the highest mountain and to the lowest valley. I have felt the exhilaration of success and the sting of defeat.

Most of you know I am not an athlete, so you probably are wondering what in the world I am talking about?

It’s called Weight Loss.

Ugh.

Can anyone relate? My journey is so slow that when I went to the doctor in April, I had lost only 18 pounds in one year. But, as I figure it, that is 18 pounds less than I weighed a year ago. That is 18 less pounds that do not need to be carried by my bad knees. 18 less pounds of fat surrounding and impeding my internal organs. 18 less pounds. I consider that somewhat of a success. At least for someone who can’t run anymore.

I do have lots to share about the past year. If you are discouraged in your weight loss journey by physical limitations or simply hopelessness, please contact me privately. I am not ready to share anything publicly yet, as I have such a long way to go.

But, on to why my husband may be upset with me…

So my doctor’s visit in April was a wonderful success and then I let my guard down. Everything was crazy busy with the wedding, I was doing great, and…

I got lazy.

This morning I stepped on the scales with great trepidation. And, rightly so. I had gained several of those pounds back.

I thought over the last few weeks and realized that there was a good reason I was seeing that number on the scales. I had completely left my guard down and had brought junk food back into my home. It’s also ice cream season and I have a hard time resisting ice cream. I had grown apathetic and had not exercised as regularly as I should.

The funny thing is that all of this bad stewardship of my body wasn’t making me feel better in any way. Nope. All that extra sugar and fat was making me feel lethargic and gross.

As I was thinking about that this morning, I decided that today is a new day! I am going to feed my body well. But I was also fully aware that as I progress through the day, this bright morning resolution was likely to dim considerably as the ice cream would start calling my name from the depths of the freezer.

Something drastic had to be done.

And so I gathered the container of Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream that I can’t resist and the half-eaten bags of Dieffenbach’s chips and threw them away.

You see, I know what I can and cannot resist and those two things were making it difficult for me to continue on my path to health and wellness. Enough is enough and they had to be removed. Now, my husband does not like when I throw away food. Do you think it is okay if, in this one instance, I went ahead and did it, anyway? I think so, since I am pretty sure me being healthy is more important than a few dollars wasted.

The ridiculous thing is that when I bought these items at the grocery store, I knew full well that they would be difficult for me to eat in moderation. And so a wise person wouldn’t have purchased them in the first place. But I had this insatiable desire for sugar and salt and decided to completely ignore the voice in my head that told me to walk by them in the store.

Our spiritual lives are so similar, aren’t they? We know full well what sins we can or cannot resist. And yet we flirt with them, thinking somehow that we won’t reap the sorry consequences of our choices. But a spiritual diet of all junk food is just as devastating to our spiritual health. For we always reap the consequences of our actions. I can’t eat a regular diet of junk food without reaping the consequences of extra weight. It’s the same in the spiritual realm.

And so we need to carefully think about what we are allowing in our lives and discard anything that is keeping us from being the healthiest we can be spiritually.

And, just like eating a good, balanced diet helps me to feel so much better and be my most healthiest self, so feeding ourselves biblical truth through Bible study, solid preaching, and books that help us understand scripture correctly helps us to be our healthiest spiritual self.

And so let’s think about our lives. What do we need to discard today? What is keeping us from growing like we could be? Perhaps it’s a favorite tv show or an addiction to movies (get rid of cable)? Or an insatiable desire to buy stuff (cut up your credit cards)? We all struggle with different things. But we all struggle. Let’s be fully conscious of the things that are keeping us from being the healthiest we can be–in all areas of our lives!

When We Are Wrongly Accused

2 Comments / July 2, 2014 July 2, 2014

The accusations came in an e-mail. From someone I thought was my friend. In the e-mail, she stated falsehoods about me as facts. There was no doubt or indecision in her statements. Just a break of friendship because of a, b, and c that she had heard about me. Things I had said or done that made it impossible to be my friend anymore.

My first reaction was to write a letter of self-defense. After all, I was being unjustly accused of something that wasn’t even true. The hurt ran very deep. She didn’t even value my friendship enough to talk to me in person about these accusations.

But as I talked it over with my husband, I decided against it. I realized that if she was willing to end our friendship via an e-mail, without any offer to get together and talk about it, then she probably had never been a friend at all. And, honestly, I just wasn’t interested in making her choose who to believe. To write a letter would have meant I needed to accuse someone she loved dearly of lying. I didn’t see any good coming from that.

A few years after that e-mail, something similar happened. Eric and I made a decision that we knew was very risky to some future relationships. We definitely felt the Lord’s direction and guidance and decided to obey Him. We tried to make the necessary change as gracefully and lovingly as we possibly could. After the decision was made, several friendships which we valued grew very icy. We couldn’t figure out why.

A few months later, we had a pretty good idea what had happened.

You see, friends we value very highly actually came to us and told us that someone had lied blatantly about us. They valued our friendship enough to ask if what they heard was true. It wasn’t true at all. And we grew almost depressed knowing that this person was telling such vicious lies about us. The feeling of powerlessness that happens in a situation like this is almost overwhelming. But, again, we realized that more harm than good would come from a confrontation and so–as painful as it was–we chose to just let it roll.

This all happened a long time ago, but it came to my mind recently, for some reason. I think it may be because we find ourselves in a bit of a complication with the state of Pennsylvania because we have been wrongly accused of not paying our unemployment compensation to the state. They are stating that we did not pay our taxes due from the third quarter of 2011. In the aftermath of that, they have increased our rate substantially and revoked our sales tax license. When I talked to them on the phone, explaining that they are wrong and that we have paid the tax, there isn’t much belief or help on their part. I am in the middle of that mess and e-mailed bank copies of the cashed checks in the exact amount to them yesterday.

I have found that there are few things that make you feel more helpless and powerless than when you are wrongly accused of something.

But if we choose to stand up for what is righteous and true, this will probably happen to us. We will have enemies who want to take us down and discredit us. It is the very nature of the world that the wicked will try to take down the righteous. David talks about this in Psalm 109 and Psalm 41:7-9. And Peter tells us that we will suffer for Christ’s sake (I Peter 4). Part of this suffering will be verbal, reputation-ruining rumors and gossip about us.

So how do we deal with this?

Do we get all huffy and upset? Do we return evil for evil and start spreading our own gossip? That is what the flesh wants to do, isn’t it? At least my flesh!

What I have found is that, after I have vented to someone I trust wholly and completely (usually my husband or my mom), it is best to just ignore the false accusation (unless it has to do with taxes or hurts someone else — then we should not ignore it!).

If we are given an opportunity to defend ourselves (such as in court or in a conversation with friends) we should not be afraid, for the Holy Spirit will guide and direct us (Mark 13:9-13). And it’s important that any defense is spoken in a calm and loving manner. If we pitch a fit of temper and defend ourselves heatedly, we will almost always automatically disqualify ourselves to our listeners.

And, in the end, God knows the truth about you. He has told us that vengeance is His (Romans 12:19) It is so very important that we do not allow ourselves to grow bitter. This is probably what we Christians struggle with the most, don’t you think? We allow ourselves to hate those that have lied about us.

One of the hardest things I have done is to treat those that have accused me falsely with kindness. The first time you see them, your heart just sinks and you want to avoid them. But if we can face them with a smile and loving-kindness that first time, the next times grow easier and easier. You see, we can’t control them. We can only control us. And this verse comes constantly to mind when I am dealing with people who have accused me falsely–

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. (Romans 12:18)

Isn’t it interesting that the verse right after this ones talks about how God will avenge us? Our job is to live peaceably with men as much as it is up to us. God will take care of the rest.

These things are not easy. I know from personal experience. They take great effort of the mind to pull away from the thoughts of anger, vengeance, and bitterness. But if we allow the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with love, grace, and mercy for these souls that have hurt us so deeply—if we can respond in this completely unnatural way (according to human standards)–we are a shining example to the world of the transformed life that God has wrought in us.

In fact, we can turn something Satan wanted to use to further his kingdom into something that furthers God’s kingdom. It’s completely up to us.

Spreading the Rose Petals

4 Comments / June 30, 2014 June 30, 2014

As most of you already know, Saturday was Wedding Day around here. Our oldest daughter was married on Saturday and is now happily honeymooning with her groom in the Caribbean.

Saturday dawned bright and clear. It all felt a little surreal, quite honestly. After a flurry of activity and many camera clicks, we were finally ready for the five o’clock ceremony.

I walked down the aisle with the best man, aware that all eyes were on me for that brief moment. I breathed a sigh of relief as I sat in my appointed seat and eyes were moved elsewhere.

I then watched my daughters walk down as maids of honor, followed by the bridesmaids and groomsmen.

And then came the children.

If you know my daughter, you know that she loves children. First came two beautiful nieces, their hands tightly holding the strings that were attached to the big, round balloons floating above their heads. And then came a handsome and very serious nephew, pulling a wagon which was supposed to hold two baby nieces. However, we heard a howl in the back and so only one adorable and wide-eyed baby girl was in that wagon.

And then came the official flower girl and ring-bearer. The ring-bearer was another nephew and the bride has been the flower girl’s nanny since she was born. This charming couple was tightly holding hands. Meanwhile, the basket holding the white rose petals stayed filled to the brim. They carefully walked down the aisle. I thought she forgot about the rose petals, but when they got to the front, they dropped hands to go different directions and that is when she put her small hand into that basket and pulled out a handful of petals. And then another. And another. She just kept pulling out those petals and spreading them over the ground where the bride and groom would soon be standing.

I finally told her that it was probably enough and she dutifully moved to her position beside the maid of honor.

I then had the privilege of standing and turning, as all eyes turned towards the stunning bride. It was an overwhelming moment and the next hour flew by, as we listened to two of our favorite pastors in all the world present very helpful challenges not only to the couple, but to us, the witnesses.

It was a beautiful ceremony and reception and I am proud of all the thought and effort that my daughter put into making the evening a wonderful experience for all who attended. It was her hope– and ours– that it would be God-honoring, first and foremost, and also enjoyable. I hope that we accomplished that.

I heard later that the flower girl told her mother, very logically, that it wasn’t possible to drop the petals before she let go of the ring-bearer’s hand. Ah, the wisdom of children.

As I was thinking about her words this morning, I had to smile. You know, she may be on to something there.

How often do we try to hold on to our own dreams and desires and please God, too? It’s like we want the best of both worlds. And, yet, it is absolutely impossible. We cannot totally experience the all-surpassing peace and joy that God promises us until we let go of our own desires. Of course, the most awesome thing of all is that when we do this, God changes us and fills our hearts with desires that please Him.

During the ceremony, one of the pastors talked about how God’s purpose for marriage can only be accomplished if we die to ourselves. He then added that living for Christ can really only be done well if we die to ourselves.

Yes, that is exactly what I saw in the flower girl’s actions. You can’t really do what you have to do until your hands are free.

You have to love the simple lessons we can learn from children.

Now, I’d better get going. I have a ton of wedding clean-up to do :)

My Best Advice for the Bride and Groom

Leave a Comment / June 25, 2014 May 23, 2018

How in the world do we prepare for marriage? It’s like trying to prepare for an earthquake or tornado– really quite impossible. You really can’t fathom what it’s like until you are smackdab in the middle of it. That’s really why is it so incredibly scary. Well, that, along with the fact that, as Christians, we know it is for good. It’s permanent. There’s no going back. So it’s not like we can change our minds next year if we don’t get along.

As we head into wedding season, I thought I’d share what I wrote when my oldest daughter and son-in-law got married. Maybe someone else will appreciate it.

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As I was thinking a bit about this, I thought I would just share a few things that have helped your dad and I along the way. Stuff we learned early on and stuff we learned later but wished we would have learned early on (these are in no particular order)–

1. Worry most about the opinions of God and your spouse. You will get so much advice in life. People telling you how to live, what to buy, how to raise your kids. When it comes right down to it, only what God and your spouse think matters. Don’t let your decisions be dictated by your parents (yes, that means me, too!), your siblings, your friends, or your church. Consider wise counsel, study what God’s Word says about the issue, and then come to a mutual decision.

2. Remember that God has designed the man to be the spiritual head of the home. (Ephesians 5:22-25). Oh, how we women get so uptight about these verses, but if the husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church, then it is a joy to submit to him. Of course, this is in a perfect world, right? Which is where we don’t live. But we need to keep working at it. This is so important because, when you come to an impasse (which you inevitably will) someone needs to make the final decision. God has designed it to be the man.

3. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Before you get too far into an argument, ask yourself if this really matters. So many times your dad and I would fight over the dumbest stuff. Does it really matter where we go to eat or what color we paint the room? Sure, some of these little things add up (like being consistently late, etc) and need to be worked out, but let the little stuff go. (I can almost hear you, Jess, telling me that I have not been a very good example in this area, and you would be so right–I am still working very hard on this one).

4. Apologize sincerely. If you mess up, admit it, without excuses.

5. Accept apologies whole-heartedly. Don’t stiffen your back and refuse to forgive. Nothing good comes from that.

6. Talk openly about everything. No conversation should be off-limits– from what happened at work today to discussions on your sexual relationship to how you feel about everything from your parents to theology. Talk about everything. Communication is so very important in moving a marriage from a simple partnership to a deep and abiding friendship.

7. Keep family relationships as a priority. We have learned that friends come and go, but family is forever.

8. Keep God at the center of your relationship. Pray and study the Word together. Have discussions about spiritual things. Find a good solid church and be committed so that you are regularly fed good spiritual food.

9. Be genuinely interested when you listen to each other. We all love to talk about our hobbies and interests. You will deepen your relationship considerably if you are an active listener.

10. Please don’t let us (your parents) ever come between the two of you. It is so much more important to Dad and I that you honor God and each other, than that you do what we want you to do. If we get intrusive without realizing it, please tell us. We are here to support you and offer advice, but only if and when you want it.

11. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you are struggling, don’t be embarrassed or too proud to ask for help from us or another godly person that you trust. Sometimes you need some help and that’s okay!

12. And, finally, and really probably most importantly, remember that all marriages go through stages. You will have days –maybe sometimes even longer–where you don’t even really like each other. You will wonder how you can possibly live with this person for the rest of your life. But hang in there, because the good times will come again! Don’t give up. Obey God’s Word by choosing to love even when you don’t feel like it and then wait, because the feelings will return.

I am so very excited for you both! It is made so much more exciting by the fact that I can see God’s hand so clearly at work in how He brought you together and how perfect you are for each other. We are looking forward to having another son and watching the two of you live your lives together for God’s honor and glory.

Fly, Birdie, Fly!

2 Comments / June 23, 2014 June 23, 2014

I reached for a pair of socks. Once again, I had to root around for awhile before finally finding a matching pair.

I knew that someone had been in my sock drawer and I had a pretty good idea who. This nest is just getting a little too small for the six of us who live in it.

“That girl!” I thought, “it is time for her to leave and move into her own house…”

And then it hit me.

She is leaving. Very soon. For good.

This happened a few weeks ago. But how quickly time flies and now here we are: The week of the wedding.

You know, from the time our children are little we raise them to become responsible adults. We want them to live their own lives, hoping that it will include love and marriage and children, if that is their desire. We prepare them to leave us. We want them to fly!

But I guess no one ever told me that when our children start experiencing new beginnings, so do we!

You see, for awhile, I felt more like the exciting and new beginnings of my children were indicative that all my life’s dreams and hopes were ending. And in many ways they are. To get married and raise kids is all I ever wanted in life. Life as I knew it is drawing to a close. I still fight the feelings of nostalgia and sadness sometimes. I think only a mom who has faced the empty nest can truly understand this.

But recently I have realized that, in so many ways, I am starting a new beginning, too. Gradually– or was it suddenly?–I started going to the grocery store by myself. And then we went on little weekend trips and didn’t have to worry about a babysitter. And as they got older, my freedom increased and continues to increase.

So what am I going to do with it? Play? Work? Give my husband some of that attention that I poured on the kids? (that is his favorite option!) Start a new hobby or new career? Waste time watching TV?

Yes, this is one child and I still have three at home. But, I can feel the winds changing very quickly. And this Saturday will not only an indicate a fresh start in the lives of these precious young people, but in our lives, too–one that will include additional children (it is our goal to make the word “in-law” a positive thing!) and, hopefully, quite a few grandchildren.

Life is changing. Elisabeth Elliot says this about change: With acceptance comes peace. Yes, I think that may be true.

And so, while I still feel like life has gone a little too fast for my liking, I am so excited and thrilled for my daughter to be experiencing the wonderful adventure of marriage with the young man I’ve prayed for for all of her life. How faithful God is and how blessed we are.

The first birdie is leaving. Let the empty nest process begin.

Never Lost

Leave a Comment / June 19, 2014 June 19, 2014

I reached down into my pocket and felt nothing. Just to be sure I patted both pockets to make sure nothing was hiding in there. Nope.

Okay, so I must have laid it down. I started looking on all of the surfaces around me. Nothing.

I started looking underneath the chair I had been sitting on. And then lifted the cushion and ran my hands down the side cracks of the chair. I found a few other things, but not what I was looking for.

Where could I have left it?

The car!

I sometimes do leave my phone in the car, so I walked outside with a renewed sense of hope. I looked in the cupholder–it’s usual home in my car– to no avail. I looked beneath and between the seats. I looked outside the car on the ground. It was nowhere to be found.

I walked back into the house, now growing a bit frustrated–and a little panicky, if I’m honest. At this point, I am wondering if somehow it was stolen or was permanently lost. (I am also thinking about how I have become far too dependent on my phone–but that’s another story for another day).

As I rush around, my youngest daughter realizes that she, too, cannot find her phone. We are like two crazy people searching the house madly.

My other daughter gave a half-hearted effort to help us and then, a few minutes into it, said, “Have you tried ‘Find My iPhone’?”

Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?

I plugged my info into my iPad and there it came– up on the satellite. My iPhone was definitely somewhere on our property. It looked like it was outside somewhere. So now what?

I noticed the option to have my phone play a sound. That could help. I pressed the button and then listened. Nothing.

I walked towards the car because that is where I had last remembered having my phone. And, suddenly, I heard a wonderful, and yet annoying, sound coming from my car. So it was in the car. I opened the door and started looking around again, this time with certainty that what I was searching for would be found.

And there it was! It had slid underneath the center console and I hadn’t even thought to look there. Sometimes…

Meanwhile, in another part of the house, my daughters were finding the other lost iPhone, using the same method. That phone had become lost in the recesses of the new leather chair (by the way, yes, that’s the chair that I wrote about last week. We put it in the family room and I am now happily back in my old chair!)

You know…

We are kind of like iPhones. Stay with me here.

We can never really get lost.

Oh, we can be alone, somewhere far away, not knowing anyone, but we are never lost to God. He always knows where we are and nothing can separate us from His love and care (Romans 8:38-39).

We can be in our own homes, surrounded by loved ones and yet feeling so lost and lonely it hurts. But God knows and walks with us in those times (Isaiah 43:2).

He won’t leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).

God always knows where we are, even if we don’t always know ourselves!

I guess God can use even a lost iPhone to remind us of His precious promises.

The Messy Middle

Leave a Comment / June 17, 2014 June 17, 2014

Before I even begin this post I may as well just make a confession.

I do not excel at cleaning my house.

You know how you go into some homes and everything is so spotless that you don’t even have to look into the closets to just know that they are probably organized by color and size? The fact that you could eat from the floor gives pretty solid proof that their pantries probably do not hold any old boxes of crackers, a bag of chips with just a few crumbs remaining, or empty tasty-cake boxes?

Anyway, that’s not my house.

I am just not one of those women who is checking my pantry every day for empty boxes. I am not one of those women who is cleaning out my cabinets every week…er…month…or even year?? I confess, I just believe there are so many other important things to do!

If you are one of those women who keeps a really neat house, then your family is blessed! Many have been the–shall we call them discussions?– regarding my method of housecleaning. Now, I do want you to understand that I do not keep a hovel. My house is basically clutter-free and clean–at least the areas that you can see when you visit!

BUT if you look into any given cabinet or closet…well, just don’t do it, okay? It may be dangerous. I try to stay after them. I really do. But–like I said– there are so many other things to do and, with six “not-so-tidy” people living here, well, they quickly become disorganized again, anyway.

But yesterday, I decided to tackle my family room. I don’t think I had actually thoroughly cleaned the cabinets in that room for several years. They were therefore unusable. I had a basic idea what was in there, but knew I would probably find a few surprises, too. I also decided to change the furniture around to make for more seating and to clean out a few other baskets.

The messy middle came about 30 minutes into the project. This was exactly why I didn’t want to start in the first place! And why I had put it off for so long.

So. Much. Stuff.

What is this? What if I give this away and then I need it again later? What in the world does this cord belong to? Where is the case for this dvd? Why do we even have this dvd? If I haven’t read this magazine from last year, I wonder if I ever will?

While I was in the midst of all that clutter and stuff, which was spread all over my kitchen table and family room floor, one of the kids came in.

“Wow, this is a mess.”

Yes, I know. Thanks for telling me.

Another one came in.

“Whoa! What are you doing?”

?? Really? I thought it was obvious.

I started to get discouraged and overwhelmed. I would escape to my computer every 15 minutes or so to check e-mail and Facebook. Anything to escape the dreariness of what lay ahead. I did not want to finish this job. But it had to be done. For goodness’ sake, we couldn’t even eat a family meal until this job was finished.

And so, I finally made myself sit and work without any escape. I forced myself to finish the big job I had undertaken, even though I didn’t really feel like it.

After it was all done, I looked over my rearranged and clean family room with the satisfaction of a job well-done. It was so miserable in the middle, but the end result made it so worth it!

Oh, how true this is in so many areas of life! Raising kids can get very messy in the middle, can it not? Marriages can get pretty messy, too. As can extended family relationships, church situations, and job situations.

Oftentimes, we warily stand back, so fearful to address an issue. Sometimes we are just lazy. And sometimes we are just too busy. We just figure it will have to go away sometime. And, very occasionally, that does happen.

But, just like my messy cabinets weren’t going to disappear, most problems aren’t going anywhere, either. And just like the cabinets grew worse– more layers of dust, more stuff, more disorganization, so do our problems grow bigger and deeper. And so we need to face them head on and deal with them. And, YES, dealing with it will be messy and unpleasant and hard work. But we can’t give up in the middle. We have to keep going so that we can get to the other side.

And when we do, we will feel a peace and satisfaction that is comparable to little else this world has to offer.

The messy middle is no fun. That’s the truth, plain and simple. But the results are so worth it.

And now you know far more about me and my house-cleaning practices than I wish you did but don’t let it be said that I’m not willing to sacrifice my reputation for the Lord ;)

New Isn’t Always Better (and other lessons I’ve learned about change)

1 Comment / June 11, 2014 June 11, 2014

Sometimes you have to learn really expensive lessons. Sometimes you can fix it, sometimes you can’t.

But, before I talk about my lesson, first let me tell you a story–

The dark green recliner sat on the floor of our local Sam’s Club. It was a great price and we thought it would be a great addition to our living room. So we decided to purchase it. We took it home, very pleased with our bargain.

I loved that chair and spent many hours there, nursing babies and holding sick kids. I even spent the nights there when I had a horrible case of mastitis — yes, you read that right — in terrible pain with a breast infection.

About ten years after we purchased it, we moved to a new house. We took the chair with us, but relegated it to our formal living room and bought new furniture for our family room. It now wasn’t used as often. That room became our homeschooling read-aloud room and so the chair became my place to read to my kids. We read about history and God and science. We played games and argued and laughed, all while I was in that chair.

As the kids became teenagers, that room became the confrontation room. It was where we would go to talk privately with one another. The kids knew that if I asked them to go to the living room, I had something serious to discuss with them. I would sit in that chair and they would sit on the sofa opposite, as we would discuss a problem or concern together.

And, then, as, one by one, they headed off to Christian school and college, that chair became the place where I would read the Bible and pray every morning. During my busy homeschooling years, I wasn’t always able to make the time I wanted for the Lord. My time was often with the kids — teaching them to pray and to learn God’s Word. But, suddenly, one day I realized that I actually had the time to spend quietly with the Lord each day and so it was in that chair that I spent many hours reading His Word and petitioning the Lord.

Then, one day, I looked down and saw that the chair was torn.

What a sad day.

I knew I was going to have to replace it, eventually, so I started keeping my eyes open for a new recliner — a leather one this time.

The first furniture store had nothing that thrilled me. The chairs were either too soft or too hard (do I sound like Goldilocks??) or too expensive.

On a whim, I stopped at a furniture store on the way home from a soccer game. The first chair I sat in was perfect and was on sale! I sat in a few more but kept going back to the first one. Yes, that was my new chair. I purchased it and told them someone would be there to pick it up later in the week.

A few days later, my beloved green recliner was removed from my room and the new leather one was put in its place. Oh, joy! I couldn’t wait for my devotions the next morning to sit in my new chair!

Oh, I feel foolish now. I feel foolish even sharing this story. For when I sat in that new chair it wasn’t even comfortable. I squirmed this way and that, but it just wasn’t the same. I got off of it and shifted it to the right. I tried it with the foot rest up and with it down. Nope. It just wasn’t all that comfortable. How could I have made such a mistake? I had a very difficult time concentrating on my devotions that morning.

As the day progressed, I talked myself into believing that it was just in my head and I would get used to it. After all, every piece of furniture takes some breaking in. So, with renewed diligence, I was determined to make this chair work as I sat in it the next morning. But, alas, it felt the same as the morning before. Now, what to do?

And that’s the end of the story. Because I am still not sure what I am going to do. Just get used to the chair? After all, we paid good money for it. Or bring back the old one and sell the new one at a slight loss? And while that’s a possibility, I can’t change the fact that the old one is falling apart and I am going to have to get used to a new one eventually.

There are so many thoughts that surround this incident in my life that I am having a hard time narrowing it down to just one–

1. New isn’t always better. Sometimes we yearn for a change to happen in our life. We think “if only” or “when that happens” and then when we are finally there, it isn’t near as great as we thought it would be.

2. Sometimes change needs to occur. It isn’t pleasant or fun but it is necessary.

3. Sometimes change doesn’t need to occur but we push and push for it because we are impatient and don’t want to be labeled “stuck in the mud” or “traditional”.

4. How do we change without changing what really matters?

5. With all change comes our new normal and it doesn’t take us very long to grow used to it. I just read somewhere (and, boy, do I wish I remember exactly where!) about people’s amazing ability to get used to almost any circumstance in their lives. We start living in the new normal. I think this is the case with Evangelical Christianity. We have gotten so used to the departure from scripture, the inclusion of Catholics and Mormons under the label “Christian”, the lack of standards and morals and holiness, the feel-good and shallow worship, that we have become used to this new normal and accept it as normal. But while it may be our new normal, it isn’t anything close to biblical Christianity.

My mom mentioned yesterday, as we were driving home from the mall, that when she was a girl, it was made quite clear to her that Catholicism was not the same as Evangelical Christianity. The church taught very specifically that we do not believe the same things and that they are two separate religions (which they are). And yet, now, if you try to say that you are immediately branded as someone who causes division and disunity. Because we have gotten used to a new normal and in that new normal, we have forgotten–or choose to ignore– hundreds of years of church history. And this is tragic.

We also talked about how Christians of old were concerned about their behavior. You didn’t dare call yourself a Christian if your behavior didn’t match. And so no one assumed you were a Christian if your behavior was characterized by worldly entertainment and vices. Now, in our new normal, everything is okay and even sanctioned under the word grace. This false definition of grace will leave a lot wondering why they are still here when the rapture occurs. With true grace comes repentance and life transformation. It could not be clearer in scripture (2 Corinthians 5:17). It is a lie that we can continue in our old activities and lifestyle and be saved. And, yet, that has become normal. See what I’m getting at here?

And here is what I’ve learned. No one wants to hear this stuff. It is negative and offensive and uncomfortable.

People may read this post but they won’t like it and they certainly won’t share it. They may even agree with it, but they won’t share it for fear of offending someone (another new “norm” we have grown used to — don’t dare offend anyone lest we be labeled or become susceptible to uncomfortable discussions).

I am weary of this new normal, quite honestly. But I do believe it is here to stay. So now we learn to live –and even thrive– in it. If we respond to this right, it could become a wonderful culture to grow in Christ.

And I go back again to God’s Word. If we know it and are studying it, then so much becomes clear that is clouded otherwise. If you want to truly thrive in this increasingly hostile culture, then study and know God’s Word. It is the only thing we have in this desert of modern Christianity. I hate to even call it Christianity because it isn’t even real Christianity. It’s some shapeless, relative, false religion that has no resemblance to Christ’s teachings whatsoever.

Do I expect this to be one of my more popular posts? No, not at all. But, please, keep your eyes open in your churches and your homes. Be discerning! Satan is using any and all means possible to deceive us and to render us ineffective for the cause of Christ. Don’t let that happen to you.

And so that is the story and my subsequent thoughts on switching a simple chair. And I don’t really even know the end of that story yet. I guess I’ll go try it again this morning and see if I can get used to a new normal!

Crossing the Barrier

4 Comments / June 9, 2014 June 9, 2014

What is true love?

Is it the butterflies you feel in your tummy when that cute guy or gal says a few words to you?

Is it that feeling of flying after your first date with the future love of your life?

Is it the comfortable feeling you get when surrounded by family members?

Is it shown by cards, gifts, and flowers?

What is true love?

I recently heard John MacArthur say something like this —

True love can only happen when we cross the barrier of our emotions.

Wow.

Yes. That’s it.

We can’t truly love someone until we can cross the barrier of our emotions.

Our emotions can be so misleading, can’t they? They tell us we love someone when we think good things about them or have good feelings towards them. They tell us we no longer love them when we think hateful things about them or have angry feelings towards them.

And yet true love has nothing to do with emotions. Only when we cross this enormous barrier of emotions can we experience true love.

I think it may be especially hard because we have been conditioned to live our lives based on our emotions. From easy access to abortions and no-fault divorces to the feeling-driven worship in our churches — we have based almost all of our actions on our feelings. Very little value is placed on deliberate actions taken that go against our feelings. Very little value is placed on forcing our thoughts to go a different direction than our feelings take us.

And, yet…

that leads to shallow living on all accounts. And not very much love.

God doesn’t really care about how we feel as we sway to the music of the worship team. He doesn’t care how we feel when we hold the hand of our newest love. While I am sure he delights in that, his main concern is our obedience. And obedience comes at a great price.

But only with obedience (which will mean turning away from our emotions) can we truly understand what love really is.

There are many times I do not feel like I love my husband. But those feelings always pass. I cannot rely on them to be the barometer of my love for him.

Life is hard, but it is made much harder by the fact that we base so much of our lives and life-changing decisions on our feelings.

We need to cross that barrier — and, yes, it takes purposeful and diligent work to do so — to experience true love as God designed it.

What Kind of Driver Are You?

2 Comments / June 5, 2014 June 5, 2014

What does how you drive say about you?

This morning I was headed into town when I came upon a tractor mowing the weeds along my side of the road. As he forced all the traffic to a single lane, my side waited as cars zipped by in the other lane. Finally, the two cars ahead of me cautiously passed the tractor. I looked ahead and saw a car pretty far off in the distance and decided to pass, as well.

As I did so, I noticed that, instead of slowing down, the car in the other lane sped quickly towards me, as if he was frustrated that I would move into his lane. Although, if he had just stayed the same pace, there would have been plenty of time for me to get around, causing him no inconvenience.

And I had to wonder…why would he be so selfish?

And I started thinking about this driving thing. Have you thought about how drivers have changed as our culture has changed?

I used to be able to merge quickly into a lane of oncoming traffic, because a friendly driver would wave me on through. But since we have become a much more me-centered culture, these friendly drivers are less and less frequent. And so I find myself sitting at the entry to the freeway or some other similar place just waiting and waiting.

As I thought about it, my own self-focused driving came to mind. Just yesterday, I was discussing something with my daughter as we drove home, totally in my own little world. I saw the girl waiting to cross the street but didn’t really think, “Oh, I should stop.”

As I passed her, I saw the lady in the car on the other side of the road give me a look of utter disgust. And I deserved it. It wasn’t until I saw that look that it sunk in—I should have stopped to let that girl cross. I muttered, “sorry”, as I passed by, but, of course, there was nothing I could do about it at that point. Because I didn’t know the girl or the driver I had just offended.

And that’s the thing about driving. For the most part, we are anonymous. And so how we drive says a lot about who we really are—

Are we selfish and just want to get where we are going?

Are we texting (or otherwise distracted), putting the lives of others at risk?

Do we think of the other drivers on the road with us?

Do we consider the pedestrians who need to cross a busy road?

Do we swear or curse when someone slow or annoying is ahead of us?

Do we tail the old man going at a snail’s pace ahead of us?

I remember a conversation I had with my brother years ago about this topic of driving. He said that while he used to get upset at other drivers while driving, one day he just made a decision–

“I wasn’t going to let another driver steal my peace.”

That phrase has stuck with me these many years. It comes to me when I am following someone who is going really slow and I’m running late.

It comes to me when someone pulls out in front of me.

I don’t always practice it, but I still think of it!

I have no idea what kind of driver you are. But let’s be sure to carry our faith into our cars with us so that even if we are anonymous we still leave a testimony of kindness and courtesy wherever we go.