Family

A Wedding Story

2 Comments / September 27, 2012

The following is a true story. I heard it firsthand from a friend who was involved in this wedding.  I do not know the bride, the groom, or any of their family or friends. I want to tell you this story because I think we Christians are totally unaware of the damage being done to the cause of Christ by our worldly weddings. Please note that, while I am sticking to the main points of the actual story, I have added a few extra details to make it read more like a story.

Once upon a time two Christian young people got engaged. They had a wonderful time planning their wedding and reception. They wanted to have a Christian wedding but they were also determined to include an open bar and dancing at their wedding. It was a celebration and they deserved to celebrate! Some frowned at their decision, but most kept their mouths shut. They didn’t want to rain on anyone’s parade. And, after all, what could a little drinking and dancing hurt?  Few people want to be labeled fuddy-duddy and closed-minded.

And so the beautiful day arrived.  The wedding took place in a little church and the ceremony was centered on the Bible’s words regarding love and marriage. Afterwards, the group moved to the reception hall, where the typical drinking, dancing, and partying took place. This led to the inevitable tipsiness and garish jokes while they all danced unreservedly to the ungodly music playing in the background.

As this all went on, one family member – an unbeliever – sat there, stunned.  How was this any different than how he would act?  What difference did Christ even make? His family had been trying to reach him with the message of the gospel for years. But all of their hard work was ruined in the course of a few, short, worldly hours, where they showed themselves to be just like him.

Before he left that day, he shared his disillusionment and disappointment with a family member.  He was disgusted and no longer gave any seriousness to the gospel message.  If this is what Christianity was, it wasn’t any different than what he had.  He loved people.  He gave money to good causes. He was kind to others. And he liked to party.  The only difference he saw Christianity making in the life of his family was to waste a few hours each week in church.  No, thank you.  And, with that, he left.

Did he ever change his mind about Christianity?  I have no idea.  But there is no question that great damage was done that day to the witness of that family for the cause of Christ.

How many other times has this happened?  Where unsaved family members sit there and wonder what in the world is the difference?  I think we would be very wise to consider the serious spiritual ramifications of including the world’s partying traditions before making them a part of our very special celebrations.

 

I Corinthians 10:31 Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Wednesday Wisdom: Five Lessons I’ve Learned From My Husband

2 Comments / August 26, 2015

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My husband isn’t a writer. But he has taught me a lot, nevertheless. Today I am going to share with you a few of the valuable lessons I have learned from him. I didn’t bring these qualities to marriage and now I can honestly say, that while I don’t have these perfected, I have changed a lot for the better.

1.   Don’t sweat the small stuff. He’s taught me not to get excited about the small stuff, because it isn’t worth the time, energy, or emotion. You have a flat tire? Just fix it and move on. There is a mouse in the house? Well, let’s set a trap and see if we can catch it. A customer is upset? Okay, let me call them and see what’s going on. Not too much ruffles his feathers. When we first got married, my feathers were very easily ruffled, so his approach took some getting used to for me. Eric has helped me see the uselessness of ruffled feathers.

2.   So you don’t feel 100%? You still have a job to do. Get up and do it. I was one who would lay down on the sofa at the first inkling of not feeling well. But not Eric. He could have the stomach flu and he’d be working, because there was work to do. I learned that I could probably work through that headache or queasy stomach. By the way, I think he has learned from me that sometimes he needs to stop and let his body heal. We were definitely two extremes of this when we got married.

3.   Something bad has happened? Let’s view it as a challenge and figure out how to fix it/change it/get through it. He has definitely taught me to view trials and challenges as ways to grow and change. And if you can’t figure it out, well, then you pray about it and get through it as best you can.  Dwelling on the past, floundering in the murky waters of darkness, just isn’t an option.

4.   It is always more effective to use honey than vinegar in any conversation. The use of respect and kindness is always the better choice in a difficult conversation than frustration and anger. This has been especially shown in his dealings with his customers. I would get frustrated that someone wasn’t paying and call them with that “tone” in my voice. Eric taught me that the “tone” doesn’t help me at all.

5.   Look at the bright side. The Life is Good company has a t-shirt with a glass that is filled half-way and written above it are the words “half full”. That is my husband. The glass is always half full. Most situations have a good side to them. For example, a few months ago, as I bemoaned the kids growing older and the life changes that will come with that, he reminded me of all of the good times he and I will have together after they have started their own lives.  It is all in perspective.

We have all learned lessons from our spouses, if we take a moment to think about it. One of the cool (and enormously frustrating!) things about marriage is that God often puts two opposite people together. If we can focus on learning from them instead of being irritated by them, it is so helpful. Of course, I still get irritated and I am still learning. But it is amazing what rubs off in 24 years.

What lessons have you learned from your spouse?

The Buzzing Fly

Leave a Comment / September 24, 2012

I was reading in my bed.  It was after 10:30 pm and I was comfortably snuggled in for the night with book in hand.  That is, until the fly came around. You know the kind I mean – the kind that buzz around your head loudly and incessantly and move so quickly you can hardly spot them.  At first, I tried to ignore it.  But it was impossible.  It seemed to have some special attraction for my head and would not go away. Irritation set in.  Why now?  Why won’t it just go away? But I got myself out of bed and grabbed a fly swatter and then set up watch.

I am glad no one was watching, because I am sure I looked ridiculous standing there in my pajamas with a fly swatter poised up in the air, just waiting for the annoying fly to land somewhere.  This went on for several minutes but the thing never landed.  It just flew quickly to and fro.

But then I stopped to listen.  I didn’t hear any buzzing.  Perhaps it had left?  I looked around in the light shed by just a single lamp in the room. I couldn’t see it.  I couldn’t hear it.  I sighed and climbed back in bed, the fly swatter within arms’ length, just in case.

I started reading again and enjoyed a few moments of peace and quiet.  A few moments.  Until that crazy fly returned, ruining my peace once again.

This reminds me so much of how it works with problems we don’t want to deal with. We are comfortable…but then our teenager says something worrisome or we hear something disturbing about a family member.  Oh well, perhaps it’s nothing to worry about.  And then we hear something else or perhaps someone even comes to talk to us about a problem they see.  But we don’t want to rock the boat and so the buzzing continues. And then, quite suddenly, the buzzing goes away for awhile and we think the problem has disappeared.  Just about the time we are starting to let our guard down, it shows up again, worse than ever.

You see, most problems won’t just disappear.  If we don’t face them head on, they are not only likely to come back around, they are probably going to get worse.  Unlike a fly that is limited in the damage it can do and is simply an annoyance with a really short life span, problems can blossom into huge things that will change our lives, if we aren’t careful.

A teenager that is interested in an unbeliever can turn into a troubled marriage.

A young adult who gives no care to a budget can turn into a debt-laden adult, struggling to just survive.

A person who gives in to their passion for eating can turn into an obese person who can’t fit in airplane seats or amusement park rides.

A teenager that hangs around with the wrong friends can turn into a pregnant teen or drug user.

A husband that spends too much time online has become the cause of many a divorce.

A wife that flirts with a co-worker becomes the beginning of an affair.

These are just a few of the scenarios that play themselves out if we don’t deal with issues head on.  It is so much easier, in the short-term, to just bury our heads in the sand.  But, oh, the devastating consequences of not dealing with things when they are manageable, instead of waiting until it is almost too late (for nothing is ever “too late” for God).

Of course, there are some times when it is better to wait it out and practice patience while we watch and pray.  And so that is the tricky place we find ourselves in.  But, let’s remember, that watching and praying is doing something, too.

What we don’t want to do is simply ignore problems.

As for that fly, I can’t even remember what happened (isn’t that pathetic?! the sad truth about my 40-something memory) But whatever happened, it did teach me a lesson that evening.

The Blind Spot

2 Comments / September 20, 2012
My car looked a little something like this
– only it was rust-colored!

When we first got married, we owned a rust-colored Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme.  It was a large car, which was fairly typical for the 80’s. The thing about that car is that it had a terrible blind spot.  The back windows were just tiny and there was a large area that made it hard to see if a car was coming.  Very hard.  So one day, as I came to a stop sign at a “Y”, I looked both ways. I pulled out and almost instantly heard a great crash. When it was all over, I had hit a car – a brand new red sports car the driver had just picked up.  Needless to say she, understandably, was absolutely furious with me. It was one of the worst feelings in the world.  I never saw her or her bright red car.

Blind spots are the worst. After that, I took even greater care making sure that I looked both ways and I never did have an accident again (in that car, at least!)  Blind spots are not just in cars, either.  We often see blind spots in people, too.  Everyone sees a very noticeable issue in someone’s life, but the person with the issue just can’t see it.  It may be a naughty or precocious child or a teenager that parents think is perfect (children seem to often be our blind spot, don’t they?)  But it could also be a streak of anger or self-indulgence or rebellion that the person can’t see in themselves, but is glaringly obvious to everyone else.  It may be a lack of discipline in finances or eating or drinking, that someone is blinded to think is under control, even though everyone around them knows it is not. It may even be how someone views God’s Word – as if they are the authority and whatever they believe it to say is “truth”, giving no heed to historical Christianity or the interpretation of godly men. They are blinded by their own arrogance and pride.

Blind spots can cause a lot of problems. We don’t want to speak and offend. And, oftentimes, if we do – in the case of dear family members and friends – they can’t see it, anyway, and it just causes a rift in the relationship. So I am not here to write about the blind spots of others but, instead, about our own blind spots.  How do we make sure we aren’t hindered and hurting others by our own blind spots?  How do we make sure to live a life pleasing to the Lord despite the inevitable blind spots?

Here are a few suggestions:

1.  Ask the Lord to show you any area where you may be blinded. Ask Him to make it clear to you if you are not seeing your children, or your faults, or His Word with clarity and accuracy.  I have prayed this prayer many a time.  Sometimes I didn’t really like the answer!  Sometimes the truth hurts. But, in the long run, it hurts a lot less than living under false beliefs.

2.  Stay in God’s Word.  For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)  The Bible shows us where we are blind.  If we read and study it, it pierces our soul with conviction.  If we are listening to godly preaching, we are made aware of areas we need to grow. Only through keeping ourselves immersed in God’s Word, studying and listening to biblically solid and strong preaching and teaching are we challenged to keep growing in the faith.

3.   When the Lord does show you a blind spot, be humble enough to accept it and then work to change it.  It is so hard to be teachable, isn’t it?  My first instinct is to lash out in a defensive spirit or blame others. But it is only by being teachable that we can become better people and grow more like Christ. And once we become aware of something (through prayer and God’s Word) it is much easier to recognize it when it crops up. For instance, I recognize, all these years later, that if I am tired or hormonal, I get very grumpy. I used to deny it (silly of me) and blame everyone else for my bad day, but now I am fully aware of this tendency and, while I still get grumpy, I am realistic about it’s origin and try my best to keep it short-lived.  This is because I am looking at it realistically and with open eyes, instead of blindly blaming other people for what is my own problem.

 

Do you have a blind spot today? It is my guess that we all have them – even if they are not obvious to the world around us.  Through prayer and God’s Word we can become aware of them and then the Holy Spirit will comfort and guide us as we work at changing and fixing problem areas.  The Christian life is hard work, but the rewards are great. It is so important to keep this in mind, in our mega-instant world, as we continue to grow more like Christ in a very “anti-Christ” world.

Help! I don’t know how to feel?

Leave a Comment / September 17, 2012
Making memories in the “first” truck

The other day my son was cleaning out his old truck in preparation for his new truck. As he worked, he shared his hesitation with me. Was he doing the right thing? This was his very first truck. The one he was buying was newer, nicer, niftier. But this was his first truck. He was excited about his new truck, but kind of sad about saying good-bye to his old truck.

Boy, do I know how he feels.  As I was traveling to my mom’s the other day, I was experiencing the same feelings.  You see, my mom and dad are moving, and so I was headed there to help sort through some things. As I made the turn at the pizza shop, I realized I wouldn’t be making this turn many more times. As I approached their development, my heart grew heavy, realizing that this home – my home for over 1o years and the only “grandma’s house” my kids had ever known – was going to be lived in by strangers.

And, yet, it meant my parents were moving closer to me. Instead of a half hour to visit them, my trip was cut in half at less than 15 minutes.  They are moving to a house that takes a lot less care. That’s a good thing for them.  And my dad felt it was so important that they didn’t leave a lifetime of stuff  for my brother and I to sort through years down the road, that they are going through all of their accumulated stuff now, while they are in good health. And that is a good thing.

And, so…how do I feel?  How do you feel happy and sad all at once?

Change is so tricky. No matter what the change is – whether a new vehicle, a new home, a new church, new friends, new school, new job – you name it, change brings a boatload of feelings along with it.  Feelings that confuse and bewilder.  Many times we resent change, and then years later, we see the good God was working through it all. Sometimes change comes suddenly and we can’t see any good at all…not in the present and not down the road.

And yet, through it all, God is faithful. God truly does work all things together for good for those that love Him.  I truly wish I could express just how grateful I am to my heavenly Father, who meets us in all of our changes, no matter how big or how small. He steps in and works in little, awesome ways to make change bearable. Unless we have experienced it for ourselves, it is truly hard to understand.

And, so, yes, change is a big part of all of our lives. And change will always bring conflicting feelings within us. But God doesn’t change and, more often than not, He uses change to prove Himself faithful and trustworthy. Praise be to Him!

Niceness Doesn’t Always Equal Goodness

2 Comments / September 13, 2012

A few years ago, we had a young man stay in our home as part of a ministry team that was visiting our church. He was a kind, courteous, and handsome young man with a sense of humor to boot – just the kind of boy a mother dreams of for her daughter.  In fact, I joked around with my daughter about what a great catch he would be.

It wasn’t until a few months later that we started becoming aware of who this young man really was inside, where it counts.  We learned of his values, his entertainment choices, and his activities. And, several years later, we realized the depth of this grown-up boy’s sinful lifestyle (thank you, Facebook!)

You see, we can’t always tell a person’s true character by their niceness.  Although we do tend to do that, don’t we?  I find myself thinking that so-and-so is SO NICE, therefore they must be spiritually solid and strong.  And sometimes that would be true. But it isn’t always true.

Facebook is a wonderful tool to use to help us discern if someone loves the Lord more than anything else.  I can’t tell you the amount of times I have met someone who is incredibly nice in how they treat others, but when I see their facebook page I see ungodly pictures and language and choices on their info page and on their wall and I realize that their heart is far from God and is instead solidly entrenched in the activities of the world.

We can be as nice as nice can be, but that doesn’t make up for worldliness, or selfishness, or immodesty. Of course, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes – even on Facebook.  But we need to be discerning, especially when we are praying for spouses for our children.

As parents, let’s be careful not to make niceness a priority over spiritual health. Yes, our child’s choice should be nice – but the niceness should be an outflow of the potential mate’s choice to love and follow God with all of his/her heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30).

Choosing a spouse will be the second biggest decision our children will ever make (the first is to choose to follow or reject Jesus).  We need to be there to give wise counsel and guidance, helping them to discern if the niceness is indicative of a transformed life or simply a personality trait.

My Held Hand

2 Comments / September 6, 2012

The adorable two year old skipped by her daddy’s side.  She was trying awfully hard to behave and when daddy reached for her hand, she said “No!” and pulled away.  Thankfully, she had a very wise daddy who insisted. He grabbed her hand and together they walked along.  As they walked, in her excitement and immaturity, she would slip and almost fall but her daddy would hold her up. When she strayed to look at some interesting distraction, he would gently guide her back onto the path. And when a car came swerving around the corner, daddy whisked her out of the way.  He could do that because he was strong. Way stronger than the little girl.

Isn’t this just like God?  I was challenged by just this illustration last night at church. So often I try to do it all by myself. I skip along and ignore God and then I get discouraged when I can’t do it. But, if I am a believer, God is there to protect, comfort, and guide–just like that little girl and her daddy.  When we fall, God is there to pick us up.  Where we are weak, He is strong.  And when we stray off the path, if we hold tight to His hand and follow Him, He will get us back where we need to be.

I don’t know about you, but as I was listening last night, I felt a wave of relief  upon hearing that.  Funny thing was, I knew all of this already.  But, here lately, I had been trying to win some of my battles on my own.

I am ready to give my best this morning with the knowledge that someone far greater and more powerful than myself is always there – to catch me, to guide me, and to steady me.  Thank you, Lord, for that reminder last night.

Jesus loves me, this I know.  For the Bible tells me so.  Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  The Bible tells me so.

Celebrating Work

2 Comments / September 3, 2012

Most of us do not enjoy working. We live for the weekends and the rest of the week is just what we need to get through to get to them. This is very unfortunate, because if you do your math, 71% of your week is made up of week days.  Only 29% are considered weekend days.  Of course, if you throw Friday nights in there it might be a little higher.

Do you enjoy what you do?  Are you able to glorify and praise God as you work in the office, flip hamburgers, fix somebody’s leaky faucet, repair a car engine, buy stocks on Wall Street, argue in the court room, plow a field, cut hair, pick parts on an assembly line, or change a diaper?

I believe our true character is what shows when we are working. It’s not hard to be happy and light-hearted when we are doing something we enjoy. But when we are going through the daily grind of wherever the Lord has placed us, then it becomes a little harder.  Even if we generally love what we do, we all have bad days…days when we wonder how we ended up in this job…days when we wonder if there couldn’t possibly be something better out there.

Labor Day was created to pay tribute to the contributions and achievements of American workers. It was created by the labor movement in the late 19th century and became a federal holiday in 1894.  Whether we are one of the highest paid doctors in the country or a stay at home mom raising the next generation, if you live in the United States, you are an  American worker.   Are you able to thank the Lord for the blessing of your job this Labor Day?  There are many who do not have one and wish they did.

Let’s spend today enjoying picnics with family and friends, but let’s not forget to thank God for the privilege to work.

Safe or on the edge?

9 Comments / August 30, 2012

Have you ever seen one of those TV nature shows about lions and their prey?  On the TV screen we see hundreds of  innocent wildebeests standing there innocently while a lion quietly prowls on the edge of the herd looking for the weaker ones.  The lion waits and watches.  A few of the wildebeests look up and sniff the air, sensing that something isn’t right.  A sense of unrest permeates the air.  And then, at just the right moment, the lion starts running towards the pack at high speed.  This sets them all in a frenzy and they start running – all of them – in the same direction.  Unfortunately, there are always a few stragglers.  They are sickly, or weak and old, or perhaps young and naive. We watch as the lions chooses his prey and then pounces on it.  His powerful claws rip into its fur and take it down to its knees. And then he uses his powerful jaws to kill the poor, innocent creature.  About that time, they break to commercial and we are left feeling sad and sorry for the ill-fated beast that met death so violently.

Did you ever think about why Peter talks about the devil being like a lion?   I Peter 5:8 says: Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.  

I think Peter wrote that because he knows that we are just like those wildebeests.  Some of us are leaders in the pack and we are the ones that shout “run” and lead the pack away from danger.  Others of us aren’t leaders but we are careful to keep ourselves protected by keeping our eyes open and staying safely away from the edges.  And then there are those of us who just seem to always want to be occupying the edge.  We are crippled and weak spiritually and we can’t keep up with the group. Or we are naive and think we don’t need Jesus to help us live on a daily basis, trying to make it on our own strength.

And then there are those who are weak just because of where they find themselves in life.  Some are young and naive and need our protection from pride and foolish choices as they grow in discernment and wisdom.  Some are old and weak and need our help to protect them from falling prey to things like depression, loneliness, and self-pity.

I know it is not very flattering to compare people to a great big bunch of wildebeests, but I find it amazing how God directed Peter to write that verse about the devil.  We can never forget that the devil is seeking to devour us!  He is setting temptations before us and he is spotting the weak and sickly Christians among us.  And while he can never take our salvation away, he is trying to destroy our faith and render us ineffective for the cause of Christ.  He is trying to steal our joy and our peace.  He is trying to extinguish our gospel light.

The sad thing is we often allow him to do so, don’t we?  We become so disenchanted with life and so frustrated by outward circumstances that we are often rendered ineffective.  Or we become so enamored with the world that we lose sight of what is most important in life.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be one of those poor creatures on the edges.  I would prefer to remain safely among godly Christian friends and leaders.  I want to help encourage and protect. But it is only by relying on Jesus  and filling our minds with His Word and praying without ceasing that we can elude the clutches of the roaring lion.

Mind Clutter

Leave a Comment / August 27, 2012

On Saturday the girls and  I spent a good part of our day cleaning our shop office for an upcoming Open House.  It hadn’t been cleaned for years so it was extremely dirty.  We scrubbed and swept and sprayed.  As we cleaned we came across old catalogs and coffee makers and phone books.  The cabinets and shelves were filled with things that no one ever uses anymore.  We started piling the unused things in two piles – to give away and to burn.  All of that stuff took up precious room in our office and was serving no purpose whatsoever.  A couple of hours after we had begun, we were able to walk away from that office knowing we had not only cleaned it but cleared it of the unnecessary clutter, as well.  It was a good feeling.

Of course, as usual, that got me thinking.  Do we do that in our minds, too?  Could it be that it is time to do a good cleaning of our minds and rid it of the clutter that has settled there?   Things like:

–Opinions and feelings formulated about others before we really knew them.  Maybe we never even gave them a chance because we made an assumption about them ten years ago.

–Past hurts and failures that keep popping up whenever we try to accomplish anything.  Oh, I know there are some things we can never forget, but those things belong in the basement of our minds…not in family room where we see them every time we turn around.

–Awards, special prizes, and trophies.  I know the world would tell you to keep these things at the very forefront of your mind to help you remember how special you are, but I would beg to differ.  I find that these things tend to lead to pride and arrogance and it is better if they, too, are packed away in the basement.

–Grudges, resentments, and ill will towards others.  These things need to be put on the burn pile.  Burn them up and leave them in the ashes.  They do no good to anyone.  I am truly shocked at how many Christians hold grudges.  Someone didn’t treat my child right on the soccer team…a teacher who didn’t understand my child…An unfair boss…malicious gossip behind my back…a misunderstood comment directed my way…we rationalize that any real or imagined offense directed towards us or someone we love gives us the right to hold a grudge.  But may I remind you– grudges are truly worthless.  They not only are worthless but they often cause great harm. They deserve no space in our minds whatsoever.

–Worry and Fear take up needless amounts of effort, energy, and mind space, don’t they?  They crowd our minds sometimes until we can’t even focus on anything else.  They, too, need to be put on the burn pile.  We would be much better off to fill the shelves of our minds with Trust and Faith.

And so, many of us have our minds cluttered with this stuff instead of leaving that space for the good things.  Philippians 4:8 is one of my favorite verses:

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Let’s think on things that encourage and edify and help us to grow in our relationships with God and others.  Life is just too short to spend it with a cluttered mind.

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