Family – Page 28 – Growing 4 Life

On love and respect…and tone of voice

1 Comment / May 26, 2011 May 26, 2011

The other day, as I was shopping in the store, I heard a woman’s voice say, “You bring too much junk food into the house. You have to stop it”. Or something like that. But her TONE of voice said “You stupid idiot, what is wrong with you?! ” I turned to see who she was speaking to and found an older couple. The woman was speaking in this condescending, holier-than-thou, tone to her husband, who was shuffling behind her with his head down. What is wrong with this picture? This is one of many times I have seen a person treat someone who should be…at one time probably was…the love of their life with condescension and unkindness.

Have you ever seen spouses treat each other like this? Have you ever treated your spouse like this? I know I have. I recognized the tone of voice the woman was using, because, sadly, I have used it on occasion. But if we get in the habit of treating our spouse this way, we are essentially adding bricks to a wall that will grow taller and stronger with each incident. And, if we are not careful, it will end up casting a dark shadow over the relationship, eventually drowning out the light. We need to constantly be on guard against treating our spouses in this way.

And this goes for your private moments, too–just because you are a model wife or husband in public does not mean you are treating them with love and respect at home. Many is the couple who look so happy on the outside, but their true relationship is quite the opposite. And, oftentimes, the breakdown in these relationships started when we stopped treating one another with respect and kindness.

The other day, I came across a couple I had never met. The woman had to leave for a moment and the husband proceeded to spout off several unkind remarks about his wife, then rolled his eyes when he told me they had been married 50 years. I got the impression that he felt like the last 50 years had been a mild form of torture. The only thing that made him light up was when I asked about his grandkids. When the woman returned, she gave me the impression that she was unpleasant and bossy. From the outside, it looks as if this couple has lost all respect and love for one another. It was heart-breaking. I wonder if all of those years of treating one another with disrespect and unkindness had changed a couple who had pledged to love one another for eternity to two people that couldn’t stand one another?

If this is something you struggle with (and, if we are honest, many of us do, at least on occasion), why not sit down and have a heart to heart with your spouse and ask them if they feel like they are loved and respected? And, if not, why not? Find out if your words have degraded them…discouraged them…disheartened them. And if they work up the courage to be completely honest with you, do not make excuses. Do not grow defensive. Listen carefully. Apologize.

Treat your spouse with love and respect. Honor them. Be grateful for the way God made them. Remember why you fell in love. And, in the process, let’s be a shining example of marriage as God created it. Let’s show the world that it is possible to be in love for a lifetime!

Ephesians 5:22-33

In a Heartbeat

Leave a Comment / December 27, 2010 April 11, 2025

April 11, 2025 Update: I wrote the post below during the first year I started writing. It came to my attention this morning and it seems even more relevant now than ever, as several dear friends have gone on to be with the Lord and there have been some scary diagnoses since this was first written. Life really can change in a heartbeat. What an important thing to remember! We aren’t currently in the “holiday season” but we do have a holy day coming up in which we will often spend time with family and friends. It seems like a good time to repost this.

As I look back now over many things I wrote over the years, I realize that I would have written some things with a different tone or expressed them differently. I still believe wholeheartedly in the message below but I also know that life cannot always be wrapped up into a nice perfect package and topped with a bow. I am not sure I expressed this so clearly in what is written below, so I just want to remind my readers to please read what is below with Romans 12:18 in mind: If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

This isn’t about fixing relationships or changing them because this just isn’t always possible. Instead, this is to encourage all of us to, as much as it up to us, be at peace with others. It’s to encourage us to have abundant grace towards others and to forgive them freely. Life really is too short to hold on to grudges. I hope this encourages someone today. Here’s the original post—

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I can’t help but remember that last year at this time my uncle was rushed to the hospital after a tragic accident. By the end of January, he was with the Lord. I know of another woman who lost her battle with cancer this year. And several others who are fighting the battle of their lives against the “C” enemy. This time each year, I can’t help but look around me and thank the Lord for granting me another year to spend with my family and friends that are still here on earth. Because life can change. In a heartbeat.

I think we so often get caught up in the things that irritate us about those we love. Or maybe we focus on the political or spiritual disagreements we have with others. But, if we stop and think for just a moment…we realize that if that person wasn’t with us next year, we would miss them dreadfully. We need to remember to be thankful for the people in our lives. Because life can change. In a heartbeat.

Instead, we so often let things fester. Ephesians 4:26 says not to let the sun go down upon your wrath. How many of us obey that command from scripture and never go to bed angry? How many of us would rather hold on to our pride than heal a relationship? Or how many of us speak before thinking and say something unkind, not thinking of the hurt we are inflicting? Why do we make such a big deal out of the little things? What if that person was no longer here? Think of how ridiculous you would feel about holding such stupid grudges.

You see, we only live once. And life is too short to hold grudges and have broken relationships. The holidays are a time for family. And lots of times families are the ones who irritate us the most. But I encourage you to let the annoying things roll right off of your back– don’t hang onto them. Yes, this can sometimes be hard to do. But as you practice it more and more it will become easier. Instead, turn your thoughts towards the good things. The love that you have. What you have in common. The way that person has been a blessing to you. Because life is short. And life changes. In a heartbeat.

As for man, his days are like grass; 
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. 
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, 
And its place remembers it no more.
Psalm 104:14-16