discernment

Keep Kicking

Leave a Comment / November 7, 2018

The other day, while playing soccer, my daughter’s cleat came off. She was fighting for the ball and as she kicked, her shoe slipped off and landed a few feet away. She kept playing as best she could without one cleat. Thankfully, a couple of seconds later, the action moved a few feet away and she grabbed it and started to put it on. It was almost on, when the ball came right at her.  Girls came flocking at and around her and she stood up and she gave that soccer ball a good kick out of danger, while off went the shoe flying through the air, almost as far as the ball! We all laughed but as I watched her go about putting the shoe on properly, all the while keeping an eye on the action, I noticed she did what she always does – she gave 100 percent. It did not matter if her shoe was off or on or partly on, she just kept playing, as needed.

And then it hit me–what a great lesson for life! So many days something small happens to me and instead of responding with joy and love, I feel myself shrink inside and I withdraw or lash out. I end up laying there on the field struggling to put my shoe on, not paying attention or caring about what’s going on with anyone around me.

These little incidents happen every day to most of us. They are things like unexpected bills, internet that decides to stop working, a rude phone call or email, a disobedient or rebellious child, a vehicle that breaks down, and a scales that is showing a depressing number, just to name a few of the many things that go wrong almost every day.

Sometimes when these things happen, I find myself sinking into a well of self-pity. Why me? Why now? Poor me. Why do we let these things affect our mood?  Instead, we should be putting that shoe back on, all the while keeping an eye out for what’s going in the rest of life’s game. However, sadly, many of us end up laying on the field, holding our shoe, and crying for someone to pay attention to our woes.

Oswald Chambers says this about self-pity:

“Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world.”

And I will add this by Elisabeth Elliot:

“Self-pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink.”

Have you ever given thought to just how dangerous it is to sit on the field of life and pity yourself? God is always working on me and this week He has helped me to see that taking a break to lick my wounds and say “woe is me!” just isn’t an option for a Christian. No matter what happens to me, I need to keep going.

Okay, so some days it isn’t just a shoe. Last spring, my other daughter took a soccer ball to the wrist during a game. She kept going, but I could see she was in a lot of pain, until finally she told her coach to take her out. She got some Advil and went back in the second half. We found out later that the excruciating pain was due to a broken bone and she was out for a good part of the season. But she kept going to all of the games and sat on the sidelines, cheering and encouraging the girls.

We get broken bones, too, sometimes. Terrible, painful things happen to us, things like disease, death, lost jobs, and broken relationships. Sometimes we need to pull back from life and work through our grief and pain. And so we sit on the sideline for a temporary time, until such a time that we are healed enough to return to the game.

God uses so many things to help us become more like Jesus. Big trials and small annoyances. But if we are wallowing in self-pity, we will never have the opportunity to figure out what he is trying to teach us. Self-pity is a danger to our soul. May we never forget it!

 

 

Can you see that ant?

2 Comments / October 15, 2012
There is an ant here. Can you see it?

 

We recently installed granite in our kitchen. It is a lovely variegated stone with tans and creams and black.  And while I absolutely love how the granite looks, I realized that there is now an awful lot that I can’t see. It is so good at hiding dirt that it is hard to tell that there is any unless you rub your hand across it and feel the gritty surface.

This fall has brought an onslaught of ants to our kitchen sink area and, like you may have already guessed, they are hard to spot on our new counters. They hurry and scurry across the surface, but I really have to look to find them in the multicolored granite.  Now, when my counter tops were a single light color I could easily spot any insect invader.

Hmmm…those ants remind me of sins that go unnoticed in my life, if I am trying to live with one foot in the world and one foot out.  When I am caught up in worldly passions and interests and am trying to mix it all up with my love for Christ and holy living, then I tend to minimize or not even notice the sin in my life.  Instead of contrasting my sin against the purity of Christ, I compare my “weaknesses” and “flaws” to those of  others. “I am not as bad as they are,” I say.

And you know what? When we compare our lives to someone else’s we always have a hard time finding our own sin. It’s there, but it’s like a little miniscule ant getting lost in the big world full of sinners. But when I look towards Christ, my sin all of a sudden shows clearly, like a giant spot of black grease on a white shirt.

I have been thinking about this a lot recently and, to tell you the truth, sometimes it can be overwhelming. When I compare myself to the purity of Christ it isn’t hard to see how and why I don’t measure up in God’s eyes in a thousand different ways. But that makes salvation all the more glorious!  This is one reason it is so important to see my own sin clearly. But not only does this help me appreciate my Savior more, it also gives me an opportunity to show the world that there is victory over sin!

So many of us live in a constant state of defeat. We languish in bad habits and hurtful attitudes for our whole lives. Why?

*Eric Ludy says this: “We are so used to hearing futility, we are so used to hearing about the failure, and we know the failure in our own life, that we don’t believe in victory anymore.”

I believe that’s true.

But it is only by acknowledging sin that we can even begin the journey to victory. And sin, especially in the life of a Christian, can be subtle and hidden.  Oh, God will show us if we are looking for it, but if we aren’t, it tends to get lost in our worldly lifestyles, just like the ants on my granite counter top.

May we be wholly devoted to becoming like Jesus. May we throw away our pride and our rebellion, so that we may instead be aware of the sin in our life, and then repent  and grow as a believer. May we truly understand just how sinful we are so that we can better understand just how awesome our Savior is! And may we show a dying world that there is victory over sin!

 

I Corinthians 15:56-58 The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

 

*Eric Ludy “The Spirit is Willing” 

Who Do You Look Like?

Leave a Comment / November 1, 2012

When my son was just a little boy, he used to play little league baseball. One day, as I was chatting on the sidelines with one of the moms, she said something like this, “Oh, I know who you look like! I have been trying to think of who you look like and now I have figured it out!” I looked at her, very curious to hear who she thought I resembled. Her next words could have knocked me over with a feather.

“You look just like Cindy Crawford!”

What?? That is the first (and last!) time that anyone has ever compared me to a beautiful model.  But I certainly felt honored. I knew this was a situation where she had no need to flatter or impress me, so I knew she had said it sincerely.

As I remembered this incident the other day, I thought about how my heart’s desire shouldn’t be for people to tell me I look like Cindy Crawford (or any other well-known, gorgeous woman) but, instead, to tell me that I look like Jesus.

Now, while I will never resemble Jesus physically, as he is a man from the middle east, I can resemble him by my actions. As we grow in Christ, we should grow more and more like Him.

Stop and take a minute to think about your life. I know for my own life, there are many areas in which I haven’t resembled Jesus at all.

Here are a few areas for us to think about —

1. Do I look like Jesus in how I love others? Look, anyone can feed orphans or go on a mission trip. I am not talking about the socially acceptable “love for others”, I am talking about the love for others we show in our everyday world.  The reactions and choices we make around our families and in our daily living. When a spouse needs some help and we are lying comfortably on the sofa, do we get up? When there is an interruption to a favorite TV show, do we grow quickly frustrated? When we are in a long line at the store, do we give the clerk an angry look or shower her with frustrated words? If someone criticizes you, do you grow defensive or hold a grudge? All of these are just normal, everyday occurrences, where we have the opportunity to look like Jesus…or not.

2. Do I look like Jesus in what I choose to do with my time? This question covers a lot of ground, doesn’t it? Would Jesus spend so much time on _________? (you fill in the blank with your favorite, time-consuming hobby or pastime). Would Jesus spend so many hours doing this, if there is no eternal value? Of course, there is nothing wrong with hobbies, but we do need to keep it all balanced. It also covers this question: do I spend my precious hours on entertainment that will make others think of Jesus? Or do I waste hours and hours on movies, video games, and listening to music that is against everything my precious Savior stands for?

3. Do I look like Jesus in the area of self-disicpline? This is a challenging question that encompasses two big areas: money and food. I covered the question of food in my recent post entitled The Sin No One Wants to Talk About, so I will move on to the other area– money. This is a challenging one. Money is one of those things where we can hide our true state of affairs. In this age of credit and debt, no one really knows how anyone is doing financially until they completely crash and burn. But, whether we make a little or a lot, we need to ask ourselves if we look like Jesus in how we spend our money. Are we focused on the here and now or are we focused on the eternal? Jesus was very clearly focused on the eternal, which is clear in scripture. So, in order to grow more like Christ, my priorities should be the same.

4. Do I look like Jesus in the words I speak? Words are so powerful. They can cut to the core. I have always thought that the old adage “sticks and stones can hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me,” to be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. Word do hurt– dreadfully. Whether we are talking about someone else behind his back (otherwise known as gossip) or are short-tempered and unkind to someone’s face, words are one of the quickest ways to tell if we resemble Jesus.

 

I don’t know about you, but I see much room for growth in many areas of my own life. In fact, I feel like the older I get, the more work I see ahead of me. But when I look back, I also see that I have come so far. And so, I will keep on going. I know I may not look like Cindy Crawford anymore — it is my guess that, to most people, I never did in the first place — but oh, how I hope I resemble Jesus more and more as I grow older.

I Peter 2:5-11

 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

You are judging me for…that??

Leave a Comment / September 22, 2016

I will never forget this one time that I was at a friend’s house. She offered one of my kids a pop-tart and a glass of milk. We weren’t big milk drinkers (still aren’t, in fact) and so I asked for a glass of orange juice for them, instead. You would have thought I said I was going to have an affair with the mailman.

“You drink orange juice with your pop-tart?! NO ONE drinks orange juice with a pop-tart. You have to drink milk!”

I was so taken aback. I mean – does it really matter what our family chooses to drink with our pop-tarts?

We Christians do this stuff ALL THE TIME. We judge others on the dumbest stuff.

We judge on —

–clothing styles (can you believe she got that dressed up to go there?)

–food choices (I can’t believe they go to fast food restaurants so often)

–cars (He must really be arrogant to drive that car)

–shopping choices (did you see the color of that stroller?)

–words (that was certainly an unintelligent thing to say to his boss)

–decor (that is the ugliest lamp I have ever seen!)

The list could go on and on. I have heard and made judgments about others more times than I can count. But when we stop to think about it, none of that stuff above really matters. Thankfully, God made us all differently and that means that she might like that lamp or the color of that stroller. Perhaps he is driving that car without any sense of arrogance, but instead gratitude towards God for allowing him the privilege to drive it. Perhaps that family chose to go for fast food several times in one week because of a busy schedule and rarely does that.

Ironically, oftentimes, those who judge the harshest on the things that don’t matter completely ignore the things that do matter. And so if someone dares to question a choice that would affect their relationship with God or their personal holiness, the cries of “you are judgmental!” leap from their lips.

For some reason, we have it all backwards in this Christian culture. It’s okay to judge others regarding the stuff that doesn’t matter, but how dare we judge the things that DO matter?

But God tells us in Matthew 16, that we will be able to tell believers and non-believers apart by their fruit. That means that we have to be judging the fruit in order to determine if it is good or bad. We are to be loving, kind, and patient…but we are to look for fruit.  He also tells us in Galatians 6 to restore a brother gently if he is overtaken by a trespass. We cannot do this without looking at the fruit of our Christian brothers and sisters…what so many people like to call “judging”.

Look, I am not condoning that we all go out and conduct a mass judgement on our brothers and sisters in the Lord regarding their spiritual fruits. What I am saying is that A) we should never judge on the stuff that doesn’t matter and B) We need to carefully pray over and confront, if necessary, the stuff that does matter.

Oh, and one more thing–we can’t know what really matters to God if we don’t read His word. There is a lot of leftover legalism that is thrown around yet and so we need to be in God’s word and learning to know Him, so that we can truly understand what sin is and what holiness is and what it really means to please our Father in heaven.

Let’s offer so much grace for the stuff that doesn’t matter. I mean who really cares, anyway? We wouldn’t want to all be alike, now would we?

And let’s offer love and kindness if we do see a sin that needs confronted.

And, most importantly, let’s offer humility if we are the one in sin who gets confronted.

In my opinion, if every Christian would put these three things in practice it would change the entire culture of the church.

Galatians 6:1-2  Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Matthew 7:13-20 Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them.

A Wedding Story

2 Comments / September 27, 2012

The following is a true story. I heard it firsthand from a friend who was involved in this wedding.  I do not know the bride, the groom, or any of their family or friends. I want to tell you this story because I think we Christians are totally unaware of the damage being done to the cause of Christ by our worldly weddings. Please note that, while I am sticking to the main points of the actual story, I have added a few extra details to make it read more like a story.

Once upon a time two Christian young people got engaged. They had a wonderful time planning their wedding and reception. They wanted to have a Christian wedding but they were also determined to include an open bar and dancing at their wedding. It was a celebration and they deserved to celebrate! Some frowned at their decision, but most kept their mouths shut. They didn’t want to rain on anyone’s parade. And, after all, what could a little drinking and dancing hurt?  Few people want to be labeled fuddy-duddy and closed-minded.

And so the beautiful day arrived.  The wedding took place in a little church and the ceremony was centered on the Bible’s words regarding love and marriage. Afterwards, the group moved to the reception hall, where the typical drinking, dancing, and partying took place. This led to the inevitable tipsiness and garish jokes while they all danced unreservedly to the ungodly music playing in the background.

As this all went on, one family member – an unbeliever – sat there, stunned.  How was this any different than how he would act?  What difference did Christ even make? His family had been trying to reach him with the message of the gospel for years. But all of their hard work was ruined in the course of a few, short, worldly hours, where they showed themselves to be just like him.

Before he left that day, he shared his disillusionment and disappointment with a family member.  He was disgusted and no longer gave any seriousness to the gospel message.  If this is what Christianity was, it wasn’t any different than what he had.  He loved people.  He gave money to good causes. He was kind to others. And he liked to party.  The only difference he saw Christianity making in the life of his family was to waste a few hours each week in church.  No, thank you.  And, with that, he left.

Did he ever change his mind about Christianity?  I have no idea.  But there is no question that great damage was done that day to the witness of that family for the cause of Christ.

How many other times has this happened?  Where unsaved family members sit there and wonder what in the world is the difference?  I think we would be very wise to consider the serious spiritual ramifications of including the world’s partying traditions before making them a part of our very special celebrations.

 

I Corinthians 10:31 Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

The Buzzing Fly

Leave a Comment / September 24, 2012

I was reading in my bed.  It was after 10:30 pm and I was comfortably snuggled in for the night with book in hand.  That is, until the fly came around. You know the kind I mean – the kind that buzz around your head loudly and incessantly and move so quickly you can hardly spot them.  At first, I tried to ignore it.  But it was impossible.  It seemed to have some special attraction for my head and would not go away. Irritation set in.  Why now?  Why won’t it just go away? But I got myself out of bed and grabbed a fly swatter and then set up watch.

I am glad no one was watching, because I am sure I looked ridiculous standing there in my pajamas with a fly swatter poised up in the air, just waiting for the annoying fly to land somewhere.  This went on for several minutes but the thing never landed.  It just flew quickly to and fro.

But then I stopped to listen.  I didn’t hear any buzzing.  Perhaps it had left?  I looked around in the light shed by just a single lamp in the room. I couldn’t see it.  I couldn’t hear it.  I sighed and climbed back in bed, the fly swatter within arms’ length, just in case.

I started reading again and enjoyed a few moments of peace and quiet.  A few moments.  Until that crazy fly returned, ruining my peace once again.

This reminds me so much of how it works with problems we don’t want to deal with. We are comfortable…but then our teenager says something worrisome or we hear something disturbing about a family member.  Oh well, perhaps it’s nothing to worry about.  And then we hear something else or perhaps someone even comes to talk to us about a problem they see.  But we don’t want to rock the boat and so the buzzing continues. And then, quite suddenly, the buzzing goes away for awhile and we think the problem has disappeared.  Just about the time we are starting to let our guard down, it shows up again, worse than ever.

You see, most problems won’t just disappear.  If we don’t face them head on, they are not only likely to come back around, they are probably going to get worse.  Unlike a fly that is limited in the damage it can do and is simply an annoyance with a really short life span, problems can blossom into huge things that will change our lives, if we aren’t careful.

A teenager that is interested in an unbeliever can turn into a troubled marriage.

A young adult who gives no care to a budget can turn into a debt-laden adult, struggling to just survive.

A person who gives in to their passion for eating can turn into an obese person who can’t fit in airplane seats or amusement park rides.

A teenager that hangs around with the wrong friends can turn into a pregnant teen or drug user.

A husband that spends too much time online has become the cause of many a divorce.

A wife that flirts with a co-worker becomes the beginning of an affair.

These are just a few of the scenarios that play themselves out if we don’t deal with issues head on.  It is so much easier, in the short-term, to just bury our heads in the sand.  But, oh, the devastating consequences of not dealing with things when they are manageable, instead of waiting until it is almost too late (for nothing is ever “too late” for God).

Of course, there are some times when it is better to wait it out and practice patience while we watch and pray.  And so that is the tricky place we find ourselves in.  But, let’s remember, that watching and praying is doing something, too.

What we don’t want to do is simply ignore problems.

As for that fly, I can’t even remember what happened (isn’t that pathetic?! the sad truth about my 40-something memory) But whatever happened, it did teach me a lesson that evening.

The Blind Spot

2 Comments / September 20, 2012
My car looked a little something like this
– only it was rust-colored!

When we first got married, we owned a rust-colored Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme.  It was a large car, which was fairly typical for the 80’s. The thing about that car is that it had a terrible blind spot.  The back windows were just tiny and there was a large area that made it hard to see if a car was coming.  Very hard.  So one day, as I came to a stop sign at a “Y”, I looked both ways. I pulled out and almost instantly heard a great crash. When it was all over, I had hit a car – a brand new red sports car the driver had just picked up.  Needless to say she, understandably, was absolutely furious with me. It was one of the worst feelings in the world.  I never saw her or her bright red car.

Blind spots are the worst. After that, I took even greater care making sure that I looked both ways and I never did have an accident again (in that car, at least!)  Blind spots are not just in cars, either.  We often see blind spots in people, too.  Everyone sees a very noticeable issue in someone’s life, but the person with the issue just can’t see it.  It may be a naughty or precocious child or a teenager that parents think is perfect (children seem to often be our blind spot, don’t they?)  But it could also be a streak of anger or self-indulgence or rebellion that the person can’t see in themselves, but is glaringly obvious to everyone else.  It may be a lack of discipline in finances or eating or drinking, that someone is blinded to think is under control, even though everyone around them knows it is not. It may even be how someone views God’s Word – as if they are the authority and whatever they believe it to say is “truth”, giving no heed to historical Christianity or the interpretation of godly men. They are blinded by their own arrogance and pride.

Blind spots can cause a lot of problems. We don’t want to speak and offend. And, oftentimes, if we do – in the case of dear family members and friends – they can’t see it, anyway, and it just causes a rift in the relationship. So I am not here to write about the blind spots of others but, instead, about our own blind spots.  How do we make sure we aren’t hindered and hurting others by our own blind spots?  How do we make sure to live a life pleasing to the Lord despite the inevitable blind spots?

Here are a few suggestions:

1.  Ask the Lord to show you any area where you may be blinded. Ask Him to make it clear to you if you are not seeing your children, or your faults, or His Word with clarity and accuracy.  I have prayed this prayer many a time.  Sometimes I didn’t really like the answer!  Sometimes the truth hurts. But, in the long run, it hurts a lot less than living under false beliefs.

2.  Stay in God’s Word.  For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)  The Bible shows us where we are blind.  If we read and study it, it pierces our soul with conviction.  If we are listening to godly preaching, we are made aware of areas we need to grow. Only through keeping ourselves immersed in God’s Word, studying and listening to biblically solid and strong preaching and teaching are we challenged to keep growing in the faith.

3.   When the Lord does show you a blind spot, be humble enough to accept it and then work to change it.  It is so hard to be teachable, isn’t it?  My first instinct is to lash out in a defensive spirit or blame others. But it is only by being teachable that we can become better people and grow more like Christ. And once we become aware of something (through prayer and God’s Word) it is much easier to recognize it when it crops up. For instance, I recognize, all these years later, that if I am tired or hormonal, I get very grumpy. I used to deny it (silly of me) and blame everyone else for my bad day, but now I am fully aware of this tendency and, while I still get grumpy, I am realistic about it’s origin and try my best to keep it short-lived.  This is because I am looking at it realistically and with open eyes, instead of blindly blaming other people for what is my own problem.

 

Do you have a blind spot today? It is my guess that we all have them – even if they are not obvious to the world around us.  Through prayer and God’s Word we can become aware of them and then the Holy Spirit will comfort and guide us as we work at changing and fixing problem areas.  The Christian life is hard work, but the rewards are great. It is so important to keep this in mind, in our mega-instant world, as we continue to grow more like Christ in a very “anti-Christ” world.

Help! I don’t know how to feel?

Leave a Comment / September 17, 2012
Making memories in the “first” truck

The other day my son was cleaning out his old truck in preparation for his new truck. As he worked, he shared his hesitation with me. Was he doing the right thing? This was his very first truck. The one he was buying was newer, nicer, niftier. But this was his first truck. He was excited about his new truck, but kind of sad about saying good-bye to his old truck.

Boy, do I know how he feels.  As I was traveling to my mom’s the other day, I was experiencing the same feelings.  You see, my mom and dad are moving, and so I was headed there to help sort through some things. As I made the turn at the pizza shop, I realized I wouldn’t be making this turn many more times. As I approached their development, my heart grew heavy, realizing that this home – my home for over 1o years and the only “grandma’s house” my kids had ever known – was going to be lived in by strangers.

And, yet, it meant my parents were moving closer to me. Instead of a half hour to visit them, my trip was cut in half at less than 15 minutes.  They are moving to a house that takes a lot less care. That’s a good thing for them.  And my dad felt it was so important that they didn’t leave a lifetime of stuff  for my brother and I to sort through years down the road, that they are going through all of their accumulated stuff now, while they are in good health. And that is a good thing.

And, so…how do I feel?  How do you feel happy and sad all at once?

Change is so tricky. No matter what the change is – whether a new vehicle, a new home, a new church, new friends, new school, new job – you name it, change brings a boatload of feelings along with it.  Feelings that confuse and bewilder.  Many times we resent change, and then years later, we see the good God was working through it all. Sometimes change comes suddenly and we can’t see any good at all…not in the present and not down the road.

And yet, through it all, God is faithful. God truly does work all things together for good for those that love Him.  I truly wish I could express just how grateful I am to my heavenly Father, who meets us in all of our changes, no matter how big or how small. He steps in and works in little, awesome ways to make change bearable. Unless we have experienced it for ourselves, it is truly hard to understand.

And, so, yes, change is a big part of all of our lives. And change will always bring conflicting feelings within us. But God doesn’t change and, more often than not, He uses change to prove Himself faithful and trustworthy. Praise be to Him!

Niceness Doesn’t Always Equal Goodness

2 Comments / September 13, 2012

A few years ago, we had a young man stay in our home as part of a ministry team that was visiting our church. He was a kind, courteous, and handsome young man with a sense of humor to boot – just the kind of boy a mother dreams of for her daughter.  In fact, I joked around with my daughter about what a great catch he would be.

It wasn’t until a few months later that we started becoming aware of who this young man really was inside, where it counts.  We learned of his values, his entertainment choices, and his activities. And, several years later, we realized the depth of this grown-up boy’s sinful lifestyle (thank you, Facebook!)

You see, we can’t always tell a person’s true character by their niceness.  Although we do tend to do that, don’t we?  I find myself thinking that so-and-so is SO NICE, therefore they must be spiritually solid and strong.  And sometimes that would be true. But it isn’t always true.

Facebook is a wonderful tool to use to help us discern if someone loves the Lord more than anything else.  I can’t tell you the amount of times I have met someone who is incredibly nice in how they treat others, but when I see their facebook page I see ungodly pictures and language and choices on their info page and on their wall and I realize that their heart is far from God and is instead solidly entrenched in the activities of the world.

We can be as nice as nice can be, but that doesn’t make up for worldliness, or selfishness, or immodesty. Of course, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes – even on Facebook.  But we need to be discerning, especially when we are praying for spouses for our children.

As parents, let’s be careful not to make niceness a priority over spiritual health. Yes, our child’s choice should be nice – but the niceness should be an outflow of the potential mate’s choice to love and follow God with all of his/her heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30).

Choosing a spouse will be the second biggest decision our children will ever make (the first is to choose to follow or reject Jesus).  We need to be there to give wise counsel and guidance, helping them to discern if the niceness is indicative of a transformed life or simply a personality trait.

Wednesday Wisdom: The Words of My Mouth

Leave a Comment / September 5, 2012

I am currently reading a wonderful book called 40 Days to Healthy Living, written by author Danna Demetre.   We only think of healthy living in the physical sense, but this book has some very insightful points on living healthy spiritually, as well.  As I was reading “Day 18”,  I knew it was what I would have to share with you today.  I do not normally recommend a book before I have completed it. However, I have been so thoroughly impressed with this author’s handling of both the spiritual and the physical side of our health, that I am counting on her to continue to do so through the end (I’ll let you know if the book doesn’t live up to my expectations!)  

Nourish Your Spirit— The Words of My Mouth

Matthew 15: 18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man “unclean.” 

The mouth can cause us so much trouble. From putting too much food in to letting the wrong words out, it is often a key player in many of our challenges. Too often, we say something before we’ve passed our thoughts through the filter of God’s truth. Words that tear down and wound don’t please God. Words that gossip or slander don’t either. Yet it is so easy to want to share a juicy tidbit about someone or pass on some interesting news in the cloak of a “prayer request.” I wonder how many of these kinds of prayer requests were ever really prayed about.

It seems if we can get to the root of controlling our mouth and our tongue, which we are told in James 3: 6 “corrupts the whole person,” we may be able to control our entire self. Our verse above says that what comes out of our mouths actually originates in our hearts. If we want to know the state of our own hearts, perhaps we should listen more carefully to not only the words we are speaking but also the silent conversations we are having inside our own minds. In the Bible, the word heart refers to the soul. And the mind is the soul’s pilot. As we have already learned, our words are by-products of our thoughts, and our thoughts originate from our beliefs. If we want our hearts to be pure and have words that flow naturally from our mouths, we must change our thinking.

If the words we are speaking are tearing down more than building up, we definitely need some “heart surgery,” which begins by identifying the lies we believe so they can be excised from our minds. These are the “unclean” things that Matthew is speaking about.

Angry words come out of an angry heart and despairing words out of a desperate heart. Whatever negative, destructive words seem to flow out of our mouths freely and regularly reveal the condition of our hearts. But the opposite is true as well. Kind words flow from a kind heart, lovely words from a loving heart. By identifying our negative emotions and words, we can begin the process of transformation as we replace that which tears down with that which builds up.

As with all spiritual concerns, this is not a matter of self-control but rather of surrender and transformation. It took time for those lies to become imbedded, and it will take some time to dislodge them. As our hearts and minds become purified, so do our thoughts and our words. And surprisingly, a changed heart may also produce changed appetites for food and other things, as the “mouth” may no longer need to try to fill the gaps of a damaged heart.

Demetre, Danna (2012-03-01). 40 Days to Healthy Living (pp. 217-218). Baker Book Group. Kindle Edition.

 

You can find this book on Amazon here.  As of the date of this post, the hard copy only costs $6.99 and the Kindle edition is only $5.38.  If you have been struggling with the topic of living a healthy life, this is definitely worth the few dollars!

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