A few months ago, I had purchased a little basket and put some plastic Easter eggs in it. When my three year old grandson would come over around Easter-time, I’d hide them for him. I never got around to putting them away and so when he was over a week or two ago, he decided he was going to do the hiding. Just as he finished up hiding the eggs, they had to go so we never hunted those eggs.
Now, as I go about my day, I will sometimes find one of those eggs. The other day, I was going for the vacuum and opened the closet door. There, right at my feet was an sparkly yellow egg. It just made me smile. I put it in the basket. I know I will find a few more over the coming weeks. And maybe months or years. Sometimes three year olds can hide things very well!
When I picked up that egg from the closet floor, I was reminded of how the Lord walks with us through trials and hard times.
As we walk a rough, rocky path, God doesn’t generally tend to remove us from that path. But, every now and again–and often just when we need it–He provides a little thing to make it bearable. A Bible verse we just “happen” to read that day, an encouraging phone call or text from a friend, a video or speaker that speaks right to our need that day.
Sometimes we can be so desperate for relief from our trial that we miss the provision of the little things in the midst of the journey.
Have you ever been through a storm and then, when you come out the other side, reflect on of the small ways in which God provided for and encouraged you? Little things that showed clearly that He cares for you personally?
You see, we don’t serve an impersonal God. We serve the Lord God of the Universe who loves us with an everlasting love. We follow a God who truly cares for us as we walk in this sinful world and endure the suffering that naturally comes along with it.
I think all of us can tend towards the selfish belief that if God loved us, then He would rescue us from pain and sorrow. In fact, some of the false Christianity today gets followers by promising relief from trials if the person does just the right thing (speaks the right phrases, prays the right way, gives money to the right ministry, etc.)
But, while relief is truly wonderful, God’s purposes and plans often go far beyond instantaneous relief for His children. They include His glory and our growth. They include the salvation of the lost. And I believe that sometimes include the spiritual growth of others, as well.
But, while we suffer, we are not left bereft and alone. God, in His great kindness and mercy, provides little mercies and small graces. These make the trial bearable and remind us of His loving care.
Just like a little egg on a closet floor reminds me of the grandson who brings me so much joy, so do the little blessings during a fierce storm remind us of God’s love and the joy and peace He has promised.
Don’t miss the little blessings even in the midst of the trial. They are there, if we only pay attention.
How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. Psalm 36:7
Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself, and our God and Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace, 17 comfort your hearts and [i]establish you in every good word and work. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. I Peter 5:7
The past week and a half have passed by in a fog and much sorrow. My dear sister-in-law, Grace, succumbed to the cancer that had cast a shadow of death over her life for the past year and a half. She was the wife of my brother, who many of you know as Pastor Dean, and the mother of their daughter, Katherine.
Grace was a wonderful woman. She lived well and she died well. Our world will never be the same.
So many thoughts have been rolling around in my head throughout this entire time. I wanted to share here some of the important things I have learned through the death of someone I loved very much. Some of these will be things you have learned, too, as you have had to live through a similar situation. And other things will be unique to Grace. She was a very special person and I am so honored to have known her.
First, it is important to die well. We talk so much about living well, but Grace showed me how important it is to die well. The peace and contentment she had in life, she continued to experience as she faced death. Last weekend, we had the opportunity to visit her in the hospital to say our final good-bye on this earth. The peace she radiated as she faced her final days was supernatural. The peace Dean and Katherine exhibited was also supernatural. Grace’s body was failing and the hope for any kind of miracle was pretty much over. And, yet, they were still at peace. It was one of the most inspiring things I have ever witnessed. God, just has He promises, gave grace and peace in an unimaginable trial. They weren’t demanding that God give them their desires or their way through this whole process. They trusted that God knows best and they had yielded their lives to Him. How were they able to do this? Keep reading…
Second, tell people what you appreciate about them now. Don’t wait until they die. We stood beside my brother as hundreds of people came to offer their condolences. I was blessed as I listened to the many kind and encouraging words people had to say about Grace. And I wondered if Grace ever realized what a difference she had made in the lives of so many? For some reason, we have such a hard time saying the good things to people. Or even about people. But perhaps we should say them now to those we love and appreciate. A quick text, a phone call, an email, or a handwritten note are quick and painless ways to let someone know that we appreciate them now–while they are alive. I do wish I would have told Grace what I appreciated about her. What we appreciate about each other is so rarely the the topic of conversation. But it really should be so much more often.
Third, the world will continue on. As we walked out of the service celebrating her life, I saw groups of people chatting and even laughing. I didn’t fault them for I’ve done the same thing. Many of their lives will continue on as normal despite the passing of Grace. And I was so struck by the fact that life goes on. We tend to get a little wrapped up in ourselves and think that a family or a business or a sports team or a school (or whatever) can’t survive without us. And, yet, life continues on. After we die, life must go on. It was a humbling and thought-provoking realization. While we will miss Grace terribly and life will never, ever be the same again for those of us who knew her, life does–and has to–continue on. It feels so very wrong to go on without her and yet this is life.
Fourth, consider regret. In February, we realized that Grace would probably not live through the year. We made plans as a family to spend a weekend with them in June. But some of us weren’t sure we should wait that long. Cancer can go south very quickly. As we talked about taking a spontaneous trip the following weekend, I came to a realization: We would not regret going if she was still alive in June. We’d just have an extra weekend with her and that would be a good thing. But we might greatly regret not going. OH, how very thankful I am that we realized this and made that trip in February. It was a wonderful, wonderful weekend as a family. All of us were able to go except for a few. There is something about the shadow of death hanging over a Christian family that makes the fellowship so much richer and sweeter. That time spent together was incredibly precious.
Regret is a terrible thing. And, in some ways, perhaps we should try to live life in light of this. In both our words and our actions, may we leave little room for regret should death take someone. May we be gracious and unselfish with all people we come in contact with. May we make decisions based on eternity rather than on what is expedient. May we choose the right thing instead of the easy thing. May we do all of this so that we are able to live free of regret.
But, I don’t want to just end this section there. Sometimes we do or don’t do things we regret. We mourn deeply. And yet we must remember that the Lord forgives. May we learn from these things so that the experience is not without growth. May good changes sprout out of the regret we have experienced so that it is not in vain.
Fifth, express love more often. So often–with family especially–we are a little lax on expressing our love for each other. We are fairly kind and courteous in public and to those that don’t know us that well, but when we get home we leave our shoes and our manners at the door. And yet there is no guarantee that any of us has another day. If you knew this was the last day you would have with your spouse or your child or your elderly parent or that family member that rubs you the wrong way, what would you change? Let’s change it now. Today.
Sixth, don’t get so worked up. Oh, how stressed we get over the littlest things. As Grace lay in the hospital dying it was hard to care about anything else. It was hard to think about anything else. And yet our business had to go on. I had to continue spending hours and hours at a computer learning a new software program. But it did change my perspective. The frustrations and irritations just didn’t seem as big of a deal. In fact, during this time, we also had a terrible stomach flu going through our family. Normally, this would upset me terribly, but in light of what was going on, it melted into unimportance. I wish I could keep this perspective always. I want to. I want to remember what is important and what isn’t. But, oh, how hard this is!
Seventh, fill yourself with God’s Word and eradicate worldliness if you want to experience God’s peace. This may be the most important thing I have learned. Dean, Grace, and Katherine experienced a peace I have never seen before when someone faces death. As I pondered this, I realized two things: First, I do not know of a family that loves the Word of God more than they do. They know it, they study it, and they live it. Second, they have eradicated most of the world from their lives. They do not watch tv. They do not listen to the world’s music. They hold onto the things of this world with an open hand and acknowledge that all they have and are is God’s. They are simply unconcerned with things of this world. Oh, that doesn’t mean they don’t know what’s going on. And that doesn’t mean they do this perfectly. But I recognize in them a real difference compared to myself and most anyone else I know. Worldliness has very little influence in their lives. And I could see that this made a huge difference in enabling Grace to die well. She wasn’t hanging on to the things of this world because she had Jesus and the real hope of a future with Him. The third verse of the hymn “Give Me Jesus” reminds me of what I saw as I watched them:
Take the world, but give me Jesus, Let me view His constant smile; Then throughout my pilgrim journey Light will cheer me all the while.
Eighth, make a difference for the cause of Christ. As I heard hundreds of testimonies of people whose lives grew deeper roots of faith through the Word, who were drawn to Christ, and who were encouraged in Christ through Grace’s life, I couldn’t help but wonder: Will I have such an amazing legacy? Her legacy was incredible. She made a real difference for Jesus Christ. I believe she will continue to do so through her death. As believers, this should be our goal.
What are we doing to draw people to Christ? What are we doing to help people grow deeper roots of faith based on the Word of God? How are we encouraging people in a meaningful way based on the Word and not on some humanistic, psychological, self-help way? These are important questions to consider as we ponder our own legacies.
Ninth, memorize hymns. Last Sunday we spent a half hour or more singing hymns in Grace’s hospital room. Dean and Katherine, my parents, and two of her siblings were with us. It was a blessed, blessed time. Every now and again Grace’s voice, now so weak and faltering, would be heard strong and clear as she sang a phrase or two. And then she would sit and listen again. It was during this time, that I recognized anew how precious the hymns of the faith are. Most of the modern day worship songs would have been useless and annoying at a time like that. Most of our churches feed on second-rate hamburger when they could be eating steak. I sorrow greatly over this change in modern-day churches and am so very thankful for our music pastor at our church who continues to lead our congregation in the hymns of the faith. This experience has led me to desire to listen to them at home much more often and to memorize them, as well. For some day I, too, may be in a hospital room unable to do anything but think.
Tenth, notice the little things. Grace was a tremendous encourager. She would notice if someone was struggling and would reach out. Even in February, she kept asking me about my knee (it’s been giving me a lot of problems). She had an unusual compassion for others. Pastor Dean told the story of the one day she came home from a chemo treatment and wanted to go shovel a neighbor lady’s driveway. This is who she was. I don’t really think I will ever be like that, but I do want to be someone who isn’t so wrapped up in myself that I am not seeing the needs around me. I want to be someone who doesn’t miss the opportunities God gives me to encourage and build up others.
Eleventh, check your priorities. Oh, how caught up we get in the temporal things of this life. They distract us. They keep us from spending time with the Lord in the Word and in prayer. They keep us from thinking about important things. They keep us from sharing the Gospel. And, maybe most sadly, they keep us from focusing on what is really important as we raise our own children or as we support those around us raising their children–the next generation. Oh, how tragic this is. How critical that we remember what is really important in light of the Bible and in light of eternity.
Twelfth, this is not the end! I was so struck by the difference in the tears of those who knew the Lord compared to the hopeless sobbing of those who didn’t. It was a striking difference. It brought I Thessalonians 4:13 to mind–
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.
I saw this so clearly.
As believers, we know we will see Grace again. God told us so in His Word and we know that it is true. We have a real hope that this world does not have. Oh, the lost may comfort themselves with meaningless phrases of a “better place” but they are basing it on nothing. They are empty words from which to derive worthless comfort. But we know–we know— that we will see our fellow believers again! What a blessed hope and promise! And so we sorrow but we do not sorrow without hope!
And so life will continue on without Grace. It still feels surreal and it is hard to imagine life without her. But may her life and her death encourage us to be more like Jesus. May it remind us to focus on what really matters. May her legacy drive us to scripture and away from the world. May it build us up in the faith and confirm all that we know to be true from the Word. And may it remind us of just how short time really is here on earth.
I have a jigsaw puzzle app on my iPad. I will often put a “digital” puzzle together while I am watching TV or listening to my audio Bible or a sermon. I am a chronic multi-tasker and need to keep my hands busy!
I normally choose puzzles that have plenty of differences, as the ones that have the same shades of color throughout can frustrate me. The most recent one I put together was a little bit of both. There were areas that were different and there were areas of sameness. When I first started to put it together a few weeks ago I decided to first work on all the pieces that looked the same. I wanted to get the hard stuff out of the way.
But, after a few days, I found this puzzle very frustrating and I left it in favor of easier ones. I was having such a hard time figuring out where all of those green pieces went.
A few weeks later, I decided to give it another try. As I stared at the puzzle and thought about how to best work it out, it came to me: Work with the obvious pieces first and then the rest will fall into place.
And you know what? That was exactly right. I filled in all the different areas and when it came time to place all of the green pieces it was so much easier.
But I first had to place what I knew before I could figure out what I didn’t know.
As I was thinking about that puzzle, it dawned on me that puzzles in life can be a little like this. We want to know all the answers. We want to know where all of those hard-to-define pieces are going to fit and how it’s all going to end. But, if we are a believer, we should first start with what we know.
And what do we know? What pieces can we put into all of our puzzles (i.e. trials, frustrations, storms, adversity) first?
Let’s talk about some of them–
Piece ONE— God loves us so much.
Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. I John 3:1
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.Romans 8:38-39
Piece TWO–God is working all things together in the way that is best for me. Even if it doesn’t seem that way at the time.
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
Piece THREE— God desires me to be conformed to the image of His Son. In fact, we are predestined for this! This is more important than my happiness, my dreams, or having an easy life.
For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Romans 8:29
Piece FOUR— Sorrows and troubles are part of our journey here on earth; We cannot avoid them.
These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Piece FIVE— God is aware of the minutest details. He hasn’t abandoned us.
So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin;29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was notarrayed like one of these.30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.Matthew 6:28-32
Piece SIX— Our first priority is to seek God and His Kingdom.
Butseek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.Matthew 6:33
Piece SEVEN–Puzzles and trials are testing me and perfecting me.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produce patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4
Piece EIGHT–Supernatural peace through Christ Jesus is possible–no matter what the circumstances.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
Piece NINE–This life is temporary and the best is yet to come!
But as it is written:
“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” I Corinthians 2:9
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, 8 whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, 9 receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls. I Peter 1:3-9
When we put these nine pieces in our puzzle first, the other pieces will slowly fall into place. Oh, it doesn’t mean it will be easy–but it will be easier than if we don’t do this.
Life has its ups and downs. And sometimes we face things that do not make sense; things that are horribly painful; things that are unexpected.
In the swirl of thoughts that goes on whenever we face a trial, we may forget to first contemplate these nine truths from scripture that apply to every situation–no matter how great or small.
I hope this is an encouragement to someone today. I don’t know what you are facing but God does.
Do you think God is playing favorites when He heals some people and not others? Do you believe that you are somehow inferior spiritually if His answer to you isn’t yes?
While you might say confidently that you don’t believe that, I am afraid that sometimes we lean towards believing like this without really thinking about it. We feel forgotten and neglected and we think that somehow we did something wrong to bring on special punishment from God.
But this just isn’t true. While we do sometimes reap the consequences of sinful choices, not all bad things that happen to us or those we love have to do with our sin or lack of faith. And when God gives an answer to prayer that we don’t like it doesn’t mean He is mad at us. How can I be sure of this? Because the Bible tells me so.
If we take a walk through scripture, we pretty quickly see that many godly men and women were afflicted by many sore trials and tribulations. We all are familiar with Job, who went through terrible afflictions for reasons unknown to him at the time. We read of Jacob’s beloved wife, Rachel, who suffered with infertility and then died during the birth of her second son. We know about Ruth, who lost her husband and traveled with her mother-in-law to a foreign land, leaving behind everything she has ever known.
We read of Daniel and his friends, who were uprooted from their lives and taken on a pagan King’s order to live in his court. There they experienced many temptations and trials. God did not remove the trials, but walked through the trials with them.
We read of Jeremiah, who was God’s special prophet to the people of Israel and yet they hated him. They hated him so much they sought to attack him (Jeremiah 18:18) and put him to death (Jeremiah 26:24). He was speaking for God and was persecuted unmercifully.
As we move to the New Testament, we find countless more examples of godly people who endured terrible trials. All of Jesus’s disciples except John were martyred for their faith. John himself was exiled to the island of Patmos, to live out the rest of his days far from his beloved home and family. Paul suffered many great things before finally being martyred by the evil Roman emperor Nero. (Read more about the apostles here).
I’ve only mentioned a few from scripture. There is not enough room here to mention every person in the Bible who suffered miserable trials and violent deaths. So why did God allow so much heartache and pain in the lives of those who were sincerely seeking to follow Him? Was He angry at them? Did He want to punish them? Or did He have other reasons?
The answer, of course, is yes, there are other reasons and no, God isn’t mad at us. I believe this biblical answer is two-fold–
First, God is God and will do as He pleases for His glory and His purposes. We grow proud and insist that we must understand the “why”. If we can’t see how it is all working together then we assume it must all be pointless and cruel.
But Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us that God’s ways are higher than our ways–
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
Deuteronomy 29:29 also puts us back into our place as loyal subject and servant to the Great and Almighty King of the Universe–
The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.
God is God. We are His to do with as He chooses for His own purposes. We can submit or we can rebel. But it doesn’t change the fact that He is the King of all Creation. And He uses many things to accomplish His purposes, including disease, death, and tragedy.
Second, if we are saved, this world is not our home. As believers we recognize that we are simply pilgrims in a foreign land. We are weary travelers that have much to look forward to. Our best life isn’t now but is still to come! Hebrews 11:13-16 reminds us of this so beautifully–
These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. 14 For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. 15 And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.
Notice the first sentence of these verses: These all died in faith. Every one of them died, just as every one of us will, as well. We are born to die. It is life in this fallen world. But those of us who have faith, have a very different future ahead of us. For we have defeated death! (I Corinthians 15:55-57) And we desire a better, heavenly country.
When we turn our focus to our eternal perspective, it changes how we view temporal trials. Oh, it doesn’t take the hurt away but it is a comfort. Our trials are temporary and serve a greater purpose–one that we cannot always see or understand. And we realize that the entirety of our life here on earth–all of the joy, the pain, the pleasure, the sorrow–is but a moment in our eternity.
From studying the scriptures we recognize that trials are a part of life. All lives. And that a godly person is not released from them simply because they follow Christ. But we also can see in His Word that God hasn’t left us without hope. He walks with us through the trial, giving us abundant grace and bountiful mercy.
Sometimes we ask for the storm to calm or the trial to cease but God chooses to say no. This doesn’t mean He has deserted us or is angry with us. Instead, we can confidently know that He has a higher purpose and we can be assured that He will walk with us every step of the way.
So why do some people still insist that when God tells you NO you must be a weak Christian?
Nothing in scripture would indicate this anywhere. So we have to assume they are getting this vain philosophy from the teachings of man.
And, actually, we don’t have to dig very long before finding it. A quick google search revealed several sites run by familiar names and ministries that insist that it is God’s will to physically heal all sick Christians, while deplorably mangling God’s Word in their attempts to back up their premise. This is a blatant falsehood that is slithering its way even into the evangelical church. It is most disturbing because it is NOT TRUE!
We know from God’s Word that we will have trials, we know from His Word that we will get sick and die, we know that we will be persecuted–sometimes unto death. We live in a fallen world. Evil abounds. And all of us, at one time or another, will feel the sting of pain and death. It cannot be avoided–no matter how much a false teacher promises that it can.
I just want to conclude by encouraging you to stay in the Word. There are so many false teachers out there and if we listen to them we can grow quickly discouraged. Is it not incredibly disillusioning to believe that we will be healed if we have enough faith–and then not experience healing? How many seedling faiths has Satan destroyed by this devilish movement?
Know the Word. Know the Word. Know the Word.
By doing so, we can quickly identify that healing is not always granted. We understand immediately that Christians aren’t promised to be free of trials. (In fact, if anything, they are promised extra trials and persecution for following Jesus. John 15:20). And it’s only through knowing the Word that we can recognize if what is being said to us is twisted, out of context, and inconsistent with the rest of scripture. It truly is our only protection.
And so what does scripture have to say about my initial questions? Is God playing favorites when He heals some and not others? We know without a shadow of a doubt that the answer is NO. And are you spiritually inferior if God says NO to your prayer for healing or relief from a trial? And, of course, we can answer that with a rousing NO, as well.
We can rest assured that God deeply loves us and holds us in His hand–no matter how He chooses to answer our prayers. I will end with these very encouraging verses from Psalm 37:3-4–
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way. 24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand.
Have you ever faced something that looked utterly unfixable but you just had to fix it? You didn’t know how but you just knew you had to try and do something. And so you come up with all kinds of ideas. You might think of these ideas while you are driving or while you lay in bed at night. Always thinking about how to fix a hopeless situation that so desperately needs to be fixed.
I wonder if Sarah did that, too? Did she lie awake at night wondering if she could help God fix the situation that she and her husband, Abraham, found themselves in? She knew that God had promised land to Abram’s descendants (Genesis 15:18) and yet they didn’t even have any children. That, combined with the fact that she was really old and past child-bearing years, probably caused her much consternation.
I wonder if she fussed and stewed and worried about this seemingly unfixable situation? I wonder if she lost sleep over this?
However she faced this insurmountable problem, she ended up doing what most of us do .
She tried to fix it herself (Genesis 16:1-4). She gave her maid to her husband so that she could have children for her. From our perspective this seems extremely strange. But to Sarah this seemed a very sensible way to fix a very dire situation.
Before we become too critical of her, think about yourself for just a moment. Haven’t you done the same? Oh, it may not have been a situation such as hers that had such far-reaching consequences, but, seriously, haven’t you ever tried to jump ahead of the Lord and fix something?
I know I have. I used to think I could fix situations by talking. God has since shown me that this is unlikely. And that if I am going to talk or discuss I need to wait on His timing instead of jumping ahead and making things worse. Not that I’ve mastered this, by any means. I still run ahead of God occasionally–especially with my family. And it still almost always makes things worse.
There are so many ways we try to run ahead of God instead of waiting. And praying.
Sometimes we do need to bravely and courageously stand up and take a step forward or have a hard conversation. But, so often, we do this without prayer. So often we do this before we seek wise counsel.
History would be very different if Sarah had not run ahead of God and tried to fix her problem without His help. She literally changed the course of history.
Of course, God, in His Sovereignty, knew all of this would happen and His purposes were not thwarted. They can never be thwarted. This thought is a true comfort for all of us who have the tendency to try to fix things.
And another thing to consider here, as well, is that God uses these waiting periods and unresolved situations in our lives to grow us. Romans 8:28-29 tells us that God uses all things to transform us into the image of Christ. When we try to fix things, not only may we botch things up but we may lose out on a wonderful opportunity to grow in Christ-likeness.
The thing I have struggled with, particularly, when this subject comes up is this: I hate for circumstances to be unhappy. I long for my life to be filled with ease and comfort and happy thoughts, and–perhaps even more than for myself– I long for this for those I love, as well. And so this makes it especially tempting to try and fix things.
But, before we do anything, we should probably wait a bit, pray, and then seek wise counsel. Anything we do before that will probably, at best, be unproductive, and, at worst, make things so much worse than they already are.
So let’s leave our circumstances in God’s hands rather than trying to help Him fix things. He can take care of it and He will in His timing. And He will be faithful in letting us know when it is time for action. He does this by opening doors and giving us opportunities that could only come from Him. He does this through the counsel of those who have walked with Him for a very long time, making them not only older in the faith than us but but generally so much wiser than we are, as well. And He does this through orchestrating circumstances in such a way that leaves little doubt it is time for action.
Sarah tried to fix her situation and it made things so much worse. Let’s not jump ahead of God like she did.
Sometimes our hands are tempted to hold too tightly to the things of this world. We can become so focused on the temporal that we neglect the eternal. We can become so wrapped up in the here and now that our grip can become vise-like as we hold on to things that really don’t matter for eternity.
And then God allows a season of turmoil or of question marks in our life. A season where we can’t find our footing. Where we can’t catch our breath. A season where we have no option but to trust Him.
Some of these seasons include things like scary diagnoses, chronic illness, job or career changes, a move across the country, family issues like elderly parents in ill health or rebellious children who walk away from all they’ve been taught. They can be filled with financial troubles, disunity or discord with family or friends, or persecution for being a Christian. Sometimes these seasons include the death of someone we dearly love. Sometimes these seasons are filled with a multitude of challenges that, when added up, feel incredibly burdensome. They usually are filled with question marks and impossible puzzles that we can’t solve on our own and that might never be solved. These seasons are dark and scary and sad. They are painful and difficult and formidable. Some of them are short and some last a very long time. They are always painful and difficult.
These seasons often bring us back to proper priorities. They remind us that we are pilgrims in a foreign land and we are just passing through. They start to loosen our grip on this world.
Hard as these are, these seasons also often accomplish much good in our lives, don’t they?
I love Romans 8:28-29–
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
Whether it’s a challenging child, a difficult co-worker, a cancer diagnosis, or the death of a dear loved one, God can somehow take all of these things and everything else that happens in our lives and use them for His purposes and His glory. He uses them to mold us and shape us into Christ’s image.
One of the things God has been teaching me through the past few years of constant change is to release my grip on this life. I am not one who rolls with change very well and it’s been no easy task to pry my fingers loose from the life I dearly loved. But God is faithfully accomplishing His purpose in my life, despite my ornery, obstinate heart.
Just when I think I am getting used to one change, along comes another. That is what is happening yet again. Without going into any details, I am headed back to work in our landscaping company for at least this year. While I have always worked for the company several hours each week, beginning this year those hours are substantially increasing. I have complete peace that I am doing the right thing. God has orchestrated many details to show us that this is the direction I am to be going. But I never like change and this is no exception. I also have a plate already full of commitments and feel pretty overwhelmed, so, as of right now, it feels a bit impossible. My mom always said you can only “eat an elephant one bite at a time” so that is what I am going to do. Take one day at a time and do what needs to be done. I am not exactly sure what all of this means for Growing4Life. I am going to do my best to continue blogging but will probably have to decrease the frequency.
I have been thinking a lot about some things during this time of decision.
I am recognizing that my life is not my own. I write a lot about not living by feelings or emotions and yet I find that this is a really big struggle for me. I had a picture of what this time of my life would look like and God is erasing that and giving me a different picture. I am not thrilled about this but God has really been teaching me to yield myself to Him. That I need to follow Him and His will, even if it isn’t necessarily what I desire.
I have also been realizing just how blessed I have been and still am. Looking back over our years often reminds us of how much there is to be thankful for. Whenever change comes, it reminds us to express gratitude for what was. Even if it is gone. Perhaps especially if it’s gone. Nothing lasts forever on this earth. It also reminds us to be thankful for what we have right now. The many blessings that are ours despite the undesired path we may be on. A heart of gratitude remembers to look for the good things wherever we find ourselves in life.
I also recognize that this change I am facing is hardly even a trial on the scale of trials. So many of you are facing such incredibly hard things. And it reminds me that we must be so gentle and kind with one another. That we must be filled with grace as we support each other in our walks through this life. Life can be so hard. An encouraging word or deed can be a true balm to the soul in turmoil.
So let’s be kind to one another today. Let’s take time to pray for someone facing an overwhelming trial or walking through a difficult season. We can strengthen them with our prayers.
And let’s not hold too tightly to the things of this world. For this world is passing away.
And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever. (I John 2:17)
Tomorrow is voting day here in the United States. Someone told me the other day of a conversation they had with the staff member of a local representative. This person was sharing her horror and disgust at the lies and slander that were being told about this man by his opponent. She listed a few things that the commercials had “asserted” and declared their impossibility given this man’s upstanding character.
We already know that we can’t believe everything we hear–especially during voting time.
But there is something else to consider:
This man’s closest friends and co-workers knew with certainty that the things being told about him were false. This should lead us to ask ourselves a question: Are we living life in the same way? Are we living above reproach in such a way, that if someone slandered us, we’d have those who know us best declaring there is no way it could be true?
Do you know that this is how it is supposed to be for us as believers? Peter puts it like this–
But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; 16 having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed. I Peter 3:15-16
How do we have a good conscience? We do this by living a life of integrity. While we can’t do this perfectly (we all continue to sin, unfortunately) we can and should choose to live righteous and holy lives.
If we always tell the truth; if we honor our marriage vows; if we never cheat, steal, or rob; if we respect authority; if we are kind and loving to others; if we are content with our lot in life; if we are humble; if we are careful not to put ourselves purposefully in the path of sin (such as bars, casinos, and wherever else we know temptation takes us to places we shouldn’t go) then we are living a life of integrity.
If we never take advantage of people in business deals; if we don’t manipulate and use people; if we don’t hold grudges and aren’t easily offended; if we conduct any company, church committee, or PTA business with fairness and honesty, then we are giving our enemies very little to grasp onto.
They are then forced to lie.
And we all know that this is what happens. If there is a man or woman of integrity that has an enemy, be sure they will be lied about.
But that person that’s being lied about? He has a clean conscience. He knows the truth and those that really know him know the truth. While it is a battle to be fought and there is much heartache that comes from false accusations, there is still an accompanying peace that comes from knowing that the accusations are false.
As I think about the recent Kavanaugh hearings, this comes to mind. You see, we as the public, are at a loss. And people like his enemies know this. They know that once a lie is told it puts a seed of distrust in the hearer’s mind. I have my guesses on what happened with that hearing but unless I’d get to know both parties personally, there is really no way for me to know the truth. False accusations are extremely powerful.
Opponents in political races know this. As do irritated agenda-driven church members, frustrated co-workers, and others who strive to knock someone down and out of place. Lies bring destruction.
While we can’t stop people from lying about us, we are able to choose to live a life above reproach. We can choose to live in righteousness so that when they do choose to say something about us, there is no foundation of truth to even be found upon which they can build their lie.
No, this doesn’t bring back the trust of others. No, this doesn’t take away the dreadful pain or even the consequences of the slander and false accusations. Elections are lost, godly men are forced out of ministry, and good workers leave companies because of lies. Christians even lose their lives because of lies. False accusations have often been what Satan has used throughout history to martyr many of our brothers and sisters in Christ. We can’t change this.
But we can live with a clean conscience so that, as Peter says: that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed.
It is a discouraging world where lies will win. But Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44) and the world is currently under his influence (I John 5:19). We also know that Satan is a Christian’s greatest enemy (Ephesians 6:11-12;I Peter 5:8). Therefore we should’t be surprised when we are the target of lies and slander.
So let’s not give Satan any handles to grab on to. Let’s live a life so above reproach that there is not even a hint of truth found in any accusations against us. It is in this way that we can honor the Lord Jesus as well as preserve our peace of mind and heart.
And while we are struggling (and hopefully growing in our faith) through those false accusations, we dare not forget this:
You have heard that it was said,‘You shall love your neighborand hate your enemy.’44But I say to you,love your enemies, bless those who curse you,do good to those who hate you, and prayfor those who spitefully use you and persecute you, (Matthew 5:43-44)
Nothing is outside of God’s care, including false accusations. Even this is under His sovereignty and can be used to teach us and grow us in holiness and righteousness.
A few weeks ago I came downstairs to find ants. Normal-sized ones and teeny-tiny ones* were making themselves right at home on my kitchen counter. I had been fighting a battle with them since it got cooler. I thought we had beat them, although I would still find an occasional one making its lone way across the countertop. Until that morning.
I grabbed some thick sheets of wet paper towel and just started wiping it across the counter, gathering all I could see in my broad swipes, muttering to myself all the while. I. Hate. Ants. Especially in my house.
Nearby sat a container of apple cider donuts leftover from a gathering the night before. I carefully lifted them up in the dim light, twisting and turning the clear container all around. I didn’t have my glasses on but from what I could tell, they looked okay. I breathed a sigh of relief and moved them to the kitchen island where, at least so far, no ants had been spotted.
A little while later, my husband mentioned that the donuts had ants all through them. Rather shocked, I put on my glasses and sure enough! They were all over those donuts. What looked like hundreds of them crawling over, under, and through the holes in the middle.
How could I have not seen them?
I threw the donuts away and went on with my day.
But I’ve been thinking a lot about this incident. There are a few lessons to be learned.
The first lesson that came to mind is that worry and anxiety are like those ants. They crawl in and around and through everything good in our lives and destroy it. While worry and anxiety do nothing to help change the future, they do destroy the present. I think this is why Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:34–
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
The fact that Jesus mentions this would tell us that worry has always been around. What is the antidote for worry? How do we get to “Do Not Worry”? I am actually still working on that. However, I think there are two things that can really help.
First, and most importantly, we need to fill our minds with God’s Word. His Word fills us with comfort and peace and gives us an eternal perspective. We should memorize a few verses about who God is. And Matthew 6:34 (or even back up a few verses and catch the rest of what Jesus has to say about worry). Saturating our minds with God’s Word will serve us well when the anxieties loom over us and steal our joy.
Second, we need to turn our attention from inward to outward. It is hard to see the needs of others when we are focused on ourselves. We render ourselves fairly ineffective for God’s Kingdom when we are overtaken and haunted by worry and anxiety about the future. But when we can think outside ourselves and serve others, we will find that the thoughts of anxiety and worry will melt away as other thoughts fill our minds.
I believe that our battle with worry and anxiety is a sin because it shows that we are not trusting God or submitting to His will for our lives. I also believe that this sin is one that almost all of us fight at one time or another. The first key is to recognize it as a sin (and not just blame it on our personality or circumstances) and then we need to actively work to eradicate that sin from our lives.
The second lesson from those ants is this: We need our glasses on in order to see the ants. The Bible functions as our glasses. It gives us understanding and shows us who God is, who we are, what sin is, how we can be saved, and how we can grow in Christ. Everything we need for life and godliness is within its pages.
But, too often, we try to navigate life without it. And so we have ants on our donuts but we don’t even realize it! We think all is fine when it’s not fine at all. The Bible not only helps us get rid of the ants, it shows us that the ants exist.
You may think you’d just rather know the ants don’t exist. And I feel that way, too, sometimes. But God’s way is always perfect and finding those ants (and sins!) sooner rather than later is always going to be best for us!
So we need to put on our Bible glasses in order to see ourselves as we really are (instead of our “friend” glasses that have us comparing ourselves to those around us).
And then we need to do something about it. Remember what James says–
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; 24 for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. 25 But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. James 1:22-25
I don’t like ants, but they did give me something to write about this morning, so as it’s the first day of November I can say, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, there’s even a reason to be thankful for ants on my counter! Have a great day!
*The exterminator told me the really tiny ants were baby ants! Who knew??
It has been quite some time since I did a Changed Life post here at Growing4Life. It isn’t because there is a lack of testimonies, that’s for sure. But it is sometimes hard to work out all the details. Many do not feel comfortable writing their stories. Some do not want to relive all that pain or would rather not share their story publicly. Many times I don’t even ask because of a variety of reasons.
However, one person I did ask awhile back was my cousin, Michelle. She kindly said yes and last week she e-mailed me what I am going to share here today.
It is hard to believe that it is coming up on nine years ago this December that her beloved dad was in a terrible car accident. For three and a half weeks, while the rest of world was celebrating the holidays, she was wondering if her Dad would survive. Michelle, her mom, Lorraine, and her sister, Melissa, put their lives on hold while they lived in a tiny church apartment far from home, traveling back and forth to an unfamiliar hospital, as the days melted into weeks.
The shock wasn’t for her family alone. Her dad, my Uncle Larry, was a much beloved member of the family by all of us. He was my mom’s brother and they were especially close. He was the kind of guy you knew you could call if you needed help. He had a great sense of humor and, as an over-the-road trucker, always had lots of stories to entertain us with! But, most importantly, he (and my aunt Lorraine) love(d) the Lord and, with God’s help, have created a wonderful Christian legacy through the lives of their daughters and families.
Michelle, a wonderful writer, is willing to share with us about this time in their lives and how the Lord used it to grow her and so, without any further words from me, I share her story–
O God, our Help in ages past,
Our Hope for years to come,
Our Shelter from the stormy blast,
And our eternal Home!*
With this hymn flowing through my mind, my eyes searched the buildings of the city that loomed before us. I wondered how would we ever find our destination in the darkness and falling snow? We relied on a traditional map along with limited directions…and ceaseless prayer. Then, appearing through the murkiness like a longed-for beacon, were these bold letters: E.C.M.C. I remember feeling relief mingled with uncertainty. We had arrived at Erie County Medical Center in Buffalo, New York.
The previous day, December 21, 2009, the beloved patriarch of our family had been brought to E.C.M.C. following a tragic auto accident. We had traveled all night to get to Daddy. In the back seat, Mom and I looked pale with the stress and the wondering. The front seat held my husband along with our son and, of all things, his puppy who was too young be left behind. Togetherness gave us hope. Ultimately, we traveled with hope that centered on our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
If you’ve faced a similar pathway, you know that the Lord uses life’s storms to teach and equip us. Here are some of the vital lessons we learned.
The Lord’s Gracious Provision
There were some provisions that came well before Daddy’s accident. Dad always spoke highly of “his boys.” My husband and brother-in-law were the sons he’d never had. He expressed more than once that he was thankful for the men who took care of his girls. Our husbands, who were both pastors at the time, kept up with those responsibilities along with supporting us, our parents, and fulfilling the role of “Mr. Mom.”
During our time in Buffalo, my husband took on various roles. He quickly became our mediator, making and returning phone calls on our behalf and driving us where we needed to be. He became our spokesman, especially when we didn’t even know the questions to ask. When he and our son had to return home, I recorded in my journal – “I feel a bit fearful of Mom and I being ‘on our own.’ Praise the Lord, [Christ] is our Rock (Capital R) and God has moved in the hearts of His people to assist us. We are not alone!”
In God’s providence, He had already prepared a place for us to stay. The day after Christmas, we moved into the guest house of a nearby Baptist church. In my journal, I wrote —“After settling in to our new ‘home-away-from-home’ and washing clothes until 12:30 am, we had a fairly good night’s sleep. What a blessing to get most of [our laundry] completed. The guest house is cozy and clean. In the morning, we attended their Sunday School. The church family received us warmly. It’s always amazing to see how Christ’s love reaches across the miles and the way we are bonded together with other believers.” Furthermore, the pastor assured Mom and I that transportation would be provided to and from the medical center. I later wrote – “We keep crying and offering thanks to the Lord as we see His provision.”
Strength and comfort came through family and friends who surrounded us with prayer, made visits, gave thoughtful gifts and words of encouragement, and sent a plethora of cards, particularly when Dad celebrated his birthday. The Lord’s faithful provision also included the medical team who skillfully cared for Dad. He had several physicians plus a nursing staff of at least 22 different women and men who tirelessly ministered to his needs.
The Greatness of His Sovereignty
Michelle and her Dad on her wedding day
As days blended into weeks, God clearly revealed His supreme authority. Despite how it appeared, the Lord was completely in control of our circumstances. Although we deeply desired for Daddy to be restored to health on this earth, we eventually began to realize that this may not be a part of God’s plan. When these heart-wrenching thoughts came, God’s sovereignty gave us security. On one particular day, I found, nestled in a pamphlet, an excerpt from Amy Carmichael’s little book, If. A moment of dread passed through me as the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart through her words–“If the burden my Lord asks me to bear be not the burden of my heart’s choice, and I fret inwardly and do not welcome His will, then I know nothing of Calvary love.” I knew, then, that I must welcome God’s will, regardless of the outcome.
The greatness of God’s sovereignty enables us to welcome His will whether or not it makes sense to us.
A truth my husband shared in a recent sermon dovetails with this beautifully– “Prayer is not getting what we want but aligning our will with God’s will.”
The Gift of the Ordinary
At one point, as the unknown future stretched far in front of us, I remember a longing to do ordinary, mundane chores–washing dishes in a fluffy mountain of bubbles, cleaning my kitchen floor on my hands and knees, chiding our two female dogs who always seemed to be fussing with one another. Perhaps these tasks seemed so appealing because, if they were taking place, it meant life had returned to normal. We would be living in a new rhythm of days, one flowing gently into the next and Daddy would be well and whole again. We learned that ordinary days and simple joys are meant to be cherished.
The Goodness of the Lord
God’s goodness was clearly displayed through His Word that brought comfort coupled with conviction. We were filled with confidence in the Lord’s plan as we read Romans 15:13 –“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” I counseled my heart with verses Daddy had recently shared with me — “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” When my Uncle, Dad’s brother, came for a visit, he read Romans 8 to us. What a precious reminder that all things work together for good to those who love God and that nothing can separate us from His love! Even when our precious father went home to be with the Lord on January 15, 2010 the goodness of God remained evident. Certainly the grief was excruciating. Yet, our hearts were gently lifted up by our loving Heavenly Father Who is always and only good. A friend wrote a poem for us that she penned the day after Dad’s funeral. Below the title, When God Is Good, she included this verse – Psalm 34:8 “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him.” An excerpt of her poem asks,
When is God good? Is He good when life is filled with pain, When the dreaded phone call comes, When your world is turned upside down, When it seems there can be no gain? When God is good Do we trust Him?
Perhaps there are easier ways to learn these lessons but those were not chosen for us. Instead, the Lord took us through this difficult time and gave us precious reminders –the graciousness of His provision, the greatness of His sovereignty, the gift of the ordinary, and the abundance of His goodness. And when the next storm comes–and it will–may we find our refuge, our ONLY refuge, in Christ.
“He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in Him will I trust.”
Psalm 90:1-2
The author, second from left, enjoys an afternoon at Sight and Sound with her family. Her husband is to her right, her son and daughter-in-law to her left. To the right of the photo is her mom and our aunt, Sarah.
*A portion of the Hymn: O God Our Help in Ages Past
TEXT: Isaac Watts; based on Psalm 90
MUSIC: William Croft
We dropped our youngest daughter off at college last week. Thirty-four years ago, I was the one being dropped off at college. I remember my dad loading everything in our red and white van and then our whole family, along with a favorite aunt and uncle, climbing into that van and heading west.
As a freshman, I was both nervous and excited. Mostly, if I am honest, I was excited about meeting some new guys and possibly (hopefully) meeting “Mr. Right”. In that era, girls were teased about going to school for their M.R.S. degree. While that wasn’t why I was there, I have to admit that I was harboring a hope that I would find my husband.
A week or two in, I spotted the guy while I was working in the cafeteria. I found out later that he was a sophomore majoring in Business Admin. He must’ve thought I was cute (so he tells me now) because he’d always be sure to pick my line and chat with me whenever he was in the cafeteria. But he had a girlfriend and another guy was showing interest in me and so that seemed to be where it would all end.
But it did not end there. I won’t go into all of the ups and downs of our next three years, but let’s just say I knew he was Mr. Right long before he knew I was Mrs. Right!
At the end of my junior year, we sat down and had a long talk. We decided to give it one final try. He would be graduating so this was it. We started to hang out together and he asked me to the Junior/Senior Banquet (the picture above is from that night). Ironically (and perhaps providentially), his family had recently moved a half hour away from my hometown and so he suggested we try dating over the summer to see how it would go.
Well, it went. Really well. And neither of us ever looked back. (Well, I might have taken a slight glance back after we were engaged. You know how you can do that sometimes when you finally get what you want? I found myself asking: Did I actually want this?? Is this really the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with? Happily after a day or two of doubts, I realized I most certainly did.)
So why am I telling you all of this? Well, today, August 20, 2018 is our 30th wedding anniversary!
Those two immature and naive kids got married and started a life together. We had absolutely no idea what we were doing. At one point, in our seventh year, we struggled so. We still don’t really know why. We had three kids and a young business. Life was crazy busy. And we just couldn’t get along. But we clung to our commitment to each other through that rocky sea and held on tight. And, soon enough, we were through it and on to calmer and sunnier seas.
We’ve had periods like that throughout our marriage. If you are married, I am sure you know what I am talking about.
So what makes certain people stay committed and others walk away? Why the raised eyebrows of surprise, the congratulations, and the “wows” when we say we have been married for thirty (or twenty or fifteen) years?
Because marriages that last are getting rarer and rarer these days. Many men and women don’t take their marriage vows seriously anymore and it has caused no end of hurt and pain. Especially when it is only one who decides to disregard those vows and their heartbroken spouse is left to pick up the pieces and try to make the best of it.
I am thankful for the godly examples of marriage we have around us. We are the rare family that has both sides still intact. Our fathers have been loving our mothers for over fifty years now. Our mothers have been loving our fathers. They have set an incredible example of love and commitment.
This year it has been especially evident as we have seen my father-in-law care for my mother-in-law through a difficult season of her health. He has been so dedicated to her and his love for her is so incredibly inspiring. (She actually has a pretty serious back surgery scheduled for this morning at 9am, so if you are reading this on the day that I have posted it, a prayer for her would be much appreciated!)
We hope we can only set the same example as our parents for our kids and grandkids. And that our kids can then do the same for their kids and grandkids. We pray for this.
But, of course, sometimes it doesn’t work out like that, does it? I know that many of you already have kids with broken marriages and grandchildren with divorced parents. Perhaps you yourself are divorced. What then?
Well, the best news of all is that God is a God of mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Sure, divorce isn’t His best plan for anyone. But that doesn’t mean He loves you any less or that you have forfeited all of His blessing in your life. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin.
I don’t want to make light of it. We know that God hates divorce. But we also know from scripture (Matthew 5; 19; I Corinthians 7) that it does happen. And, so, at that point, we must pick up the pieces, deal with the consequences, and make the best of it, trusting God to see us through. Supporting and loving our children as they face the challenges and heartache that divorce brings.
So what is my point?
I guess there are two–
First, if you are in a marriage where you are going through a tough patch, keep on keeping on. Do what you can to make it work. It might not be possible because you are only one person of the two involved. You can’t change that other person. But do what you can.
Second, if you find yourself in a situation where divorce is part of your life story– in whatever capacity– then know that God loves you and can heal your broken heart. Some of you may have great regrets about how you handled that first marriage or perhaps that you didn’t warn your child of red flags you saw in their future mate during the dating period. You just wish you could go back and change things. But it’s too late. Others of you just long for your spouse to turn away from sin and back to you and to the Lord. But you can’t change your spouse’s heart and desires and the whole thing seems hopeless. There are so many things outside of our control and we can’t put the sand back in the hourglass. And so we must move on, trusting in God to turn something ugly into something beautiful. One day at a time, one step at a time. Even when we can’t understand how He possibly could.
And here’s the thing– married, not married, divorced, remarried, single–we all have sins, temptations, trials, and problems. Some of the greatest trials and sins are unseen from the public eye. Even the happiest-looking marriages and families are not free from the effects of a fallen world.
How did I end up here when I started out talking about my anniversary? I am not sure. I feel such grief for several I know who are going through really hard times in their marriages right now. My heart aches for them and I so want them to know that they are loved and supported as they travel a road they never thought they’d take. One they hate with all of their hearts.
I am thankful for my marriage. And for my husband. If we have a spouse that loves us, we can be grateful. But let us remember our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling in their marriages today. Let’s uphold them in prayer and give them lots of love. Because that’s what we should do in the Body of Christ.
