Sin Struggles

What Are You Willing to Give Up for Jesus?

6 Comments / October 11, 2018

I was having a conversation with an elementary-aged girl about unicorns a few weeks back. As you are probably already aware, they are currently all the rage. You find unicorns everywhere. They are the theme of birthday parties, plastered on lunch boxes, school supplies, girls’ clothing, and almost everywhere else. I have even seen them on baby clothing at Carter’s.

This little girl was telling me how much she loved unicorns. And then she stopped and looked at me: “Wait. Are unicorns bad?”

I do not know why she even asked me that question. I had not said even a word as she went on and on about how much she loved them. And the conversation took place while I was giving her a ride home in the evening so she couldn’t see my face. But she asked it. She asked me if they are bad.

And I had to answer honestly. I had no interest in bursting her bubble, but, yes, unicorns are bad. These mystical creatures are a symbol of feminism, magic/occult, and the LGBT movement, among other things. (Just do a search and see what shows up. It’s a bit disturbing). But I realize that most people don’t know this so I am not making any judgment on you if there are unicorns in the life of the little girls you love. This post isn’t about unicorns but about this little girl’s response…

I tried to kindly explain that unicorns might not be the best thing to love. But she cut me off and announced matter-of-factly that she didn’t care if they were bad because she loved them far too much. Nothing would make her give them up.

And I had to laugh inside. Not that it was all that funny. But how often are we just like that little girl? How often do we respond exactly like her? We are not willing to give up what we love even if God clearly directs us from His Word that we should do so.

Whether it’s unicorns or it’s–

• A TV show, book series, or music genre that we just love but recognize, deep-down inside, that it shouldn’t be a part of our lives.

• An unbiblical church that isn’t preaching truth…but all of our friends are there.

• Bad habits of eating too much, spending too much, drinking too much, knowing full-well we are not pleasing our heavenly Father.

• An unsaved boyfriend or girlfriend that, in our flesh, we want to date.

• Some secret sin that no one knows about or a secret place we go or a secret vice we cling to.

• A grudge or unforgiving heart towards someone that we love to nurse.

• Our penchant for gossip, or “white” lies (a lie is a lie, btw), or cheating our bosses or perhaps even the government (on our taxes).

• Allowing worry and anxiety to consume us and control our lives.

 

And we respond like the little girl:

I don’t care if it’s wrong, I am going to do this anyway.

Can you see how a seed of rebellion shows it first green leaves at this declaration? Oh, we may not say it out loud or even in our thoughts, but we know. We know when we are holding on to something sinful with an unwillingness to budge.

And this is when a wall starts to grow between us and the Lord.

Jesus says that if we love Him, we will keep His commandments (John 14:15). James tells us we must submit to God so that the devil will flee from us (James 4:7). Peter tells us to turn away from our former lusts and to be holy (I Peter 1:14-16). Paul tells us this same thing in Ephesians (Ephesians 4:22-24).

When we refuse to put away worldly, ungodly things that we know full well are sinful we are quite effectively blocking our own growth as a believer. Rebellion is what caused Satan to be removed from heaven (Isaiah 14:12-15) and it’s what led Eve to eat that apple (Genesis 3). She wasn’t going to let God tell her what was good and evil. She could decide for herself.

How often do we have this same attitude? God, I’ll obey you in this, this, and this but I am not going to give you that. I can make up my own mind about that and I don’t need to submit to you.

But these little decisions and behaviors do not go unnoticed by the God who loves us. I wonder if He grieves at our selfish, spoiled child mentality of wanting what we want and refusing to give it up?

We know that sinful choices always lead us away from Him. And as they lead us away from Him, they are moving us towards heartache, chains, and despair. Affairs, addictions, and broken relationships all begin with a seemingly insignificant decision of rebellion. But, even if it’s not going to lead us into something like that, we know that every sinful choice takes us just a step further away from pure fellowship with God. Rebellion always does this.

I am not here to give you a list of what you can and cannot do, where you can and cannot go, what you can and cannot watch or listen to. But, instead, I simply want to encourage you, as a believer, to follow your conscience. Listen to that niggling doubt that is in the back of your head. Ask the Lord to open your eyes to your sin and to any choices that are leading you away from Him. Be willing to surrender your own will and desires to the God who loves you.

I write this to myself, as well. Maybe mostly to myself. I found this to be oh, so challenging. A supposedly insignificant conversation with a little girl about unicorns filled me with conviction over how I can be so rebellious in the “little” sinful things I refuse to give up.

Maybe that little conversation will convict you, too, which is why I decided to share it.

Just what are we willing to give up for Jesus? What are we willing to give up so that we can have the best possible relationship with Him? Is any sin or selfish choice worth a break in our fellowship with our precious Lord and Savior?

 

 

 

The Issues Behind the Issues

6 Comments / October 4, 2018

We have become a people that responds to issues. Whether it’s our own emotional health (anxiety and depression) or our kids well-being (ADHD, anger issues, rebellion), our situations at work and church (relationship problems), or our marriages (struggles and strife) we work hard to find an escape hatch very quickly. We want to be free of the hassle, inconvenience, grief, and pain that these things bring. And so we quickly medicate, change jobs or churches, or leave our spouse.

Before I continue on, let me be clear about something. I am not judging you individually. I know that some people legitimately need medication, that sometimes we must change jobs or churches, and that there are even times that warrant leaving our spouse. So please know that this is not about any individual but rather about a trend I have been noticing.

It is easier to take the escape hatch than to wade through the unpleasant waters to fix the issue. It is easier to just fix something temporarily than to take the time to fix it for the long haul. Tape is easier to apply than digging and drilling and nailing.

So I do get it.

But there are almost always deeper, spiritual issues behind the issues we can see.

A hyperactive child may be crying out for discipline. Refusing to discipline in a biblical way leads to undisciplined, uncontrollable children.

An angry child may be frustrated by the lack of control he feels because mom and dad are always fighting or perhaps because something happened that they just don’t want to tell you. Instead of parenting to the issue, it is critical that we get to the bottom of things.

An anxious woman has an issue with trusting God and submitting to His will for her life.

An angry man may be struggling with his loss of control over his circumstances.

A struggling relationship at church or work is driven by envy or jealousy.

And sometimes there is no big underlying issue but it’s just a certain stage in our lives or our children’s lives that we must walk through.

And on and on and on the list goes.

But as a culture we have been conditioned to simply fix problems without digging deeper. When we do dig deeper it is through the use of a humanistic psychologist and not through God and studying His Word or even by using a biblical counselor. (This is a tricky area because even a lot of “Christian” psychologists and counselors use a lot of human wisdom that is in complete opposition to what God’s Word teaches. See here for more information.)

And there is nothing wrong with getting the right outside help. Sometimes our pastor or a good biblical counselor or even a friend can help us see things we can’t see. But may I suggest that we first pray and ask the Lord to guide and direct us and start digging into His Word to see if there is something we are missing?

I know that as I have struggled with terrible bouts of anxiety and depression these past few years that it has been a sin issue for me. Yes, I have had a tremendous amount of change in my life over the past 5-7 years, some that I saw coming and some that I did not. And, yes, I have hormones that are wreaking havoc in my body. And, yes, owning a business and having a ministry that is not the most popular can be extremely stressful. But at the end of the day, it was a sin issue. I was not trusting God, I was self-centered and self-absorbed, and I was not in submission to God’s Will for my life. Plain and simple.

I thank the Lord that He showed this to me. It was extremely painful (another reason we avoid digging beyond the issue) and it’s not over yet. I still have days of great struggle and pain. I share this to hopefully encourage you because I know that I am not alone in this. Others have shared with me their struggles in this area.

But mostly I share this because I think it is so important that we do a little digging and wading through the gunk before we find that escape hatch. I believe that we must give some effort and prayer before we head to the pharmacy or walk away from a situation. Perhaps this is just the thing that God is using to teach us and/or our children an important lesson. Perhaps by lessening the pain, we are actually missing out on learning something very important. In our urgency to diminish the pain and grief and hassles, we may be missing out on something very glorious.

And so today I want to encourage you to spend some time in prayer and God’s Word and to be patient as you work through issues in your life and the lives of your children before heading for that escape hatch. God is so faithful and He will meet your needs–sometimes in ways you could never even have imagined! But when we are so quick to fix our own problems, we miss out on seeing His provision.

And sometimes…

We can’t fix the issue. And God doesn’t fix the issue. That doesn’t settle very well with our 21st century selves. We believe we should be able to fix everything. But sometimes God allows a situation in our lives that remains unresolved. Just like Paul’s thorn in his flesh, we plead for it to be removed and God says no. But we know from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, that we can rest in God’s sovereignty even when this is the case. God has a reason and we can trust Him (Romans 8:28-30).

Life is not fun and we are burdened with all kinds of heartaches and frustrations living in this fallen world. But God is faithful and will meet our needs. But we are so often caught up in fixing and solving our own problems that we leave little opportunity for God to work in the way that only He can.

So let’s take some time to figure out the issues behind the issues, praying and asking the Lord for guidance as we study the Word to find out what He has to say on the matter. And let’s do this first rather than as a last resort.

 

 

The Odd Disconnect

6 Comments / July 8, 2020

This summer has to be one of the wettest on record in our area. And not only the wettest but, for the last eight weeks, also the most humid. There are certain diseases and fungi that are inevitable when your lawn is wet, humid, and without sunshine for days on end, no matter what kind of Turfcare program or fertilization you use.

Customers are calling us, “What is wrong with my lawn?” and they are frustrated because they have paid for a Turfcare program and it’s not working. And we have to tell them that even our best Turfcare plan isn’t designed for such unusual conditions as these.

And this got me started thinking about entertainment.

Just follow me. I know it’s a big switch.

I think some of us Christians do this same thing. Our Turfcare program is our Bible reading and church attendance. We believe we have ourselves protected and covered. And the wet, humid weather pattern is our entertainment habits. We engulf ourselves in the evil of this world, by filling our brains with books, music, TV shows, movies, and video games that blaspheme God, that are filled with violence, that promote sinful sexual relationships, that use crude and profane language, and that teach ungodly philosophies.

We seem to think that because we read our Bibles we are somehow immune from the effects of these things.

But we aren’t. The ugly fruit that is born in our hearts from our sinful entertainment habits is told in the current Christian culture that is now starting to teach that homosexuality isn’t a sin. This is just a natural direction to go for professing Christians that have already been hardened to couples living together and rampant divorce. It’s a natural progression for a Christian culture that has accepted almost any sin known to man via the little screens positioned strategically all over their homes.

Christians find themselves weak and powerless and prayerless. And they can’t understand why. But I propose that it is a natural outcome for people who have soaked themselves in sorcery and witchcraft at unprecedented levels. For people who watch other people having sex on a screen and torturing, maiming, and killing others in cold blood. For people who hear their precious Lord’s name taken in vain and no longer even cringe. It’s a natural outcome for people who have filled their minds with all that God hates.

No amount of Bible reading or church attendance can withstand that deluge of evil coming into your mind.

This is why God has commanded us to be holy and pure (2 Timothy 2:22; James 3:17; I Peter 1:15-16). Growing in Christ includes both filling our hearts and minds with God’s Word, as well as eliminating evil influences.

I confess I don’t understand the really odd disconnect in this area of entertainment. It is like we have the rest of lives and then over here in a little box we have our entertainment. It is the one box we don’t even consider submitting to God.

But why?

May I challenge you today to start purifying your life in regards to your entertainment. May I encourage you to submit this area of your life to God without reservation? If you don’t feel convicted about this then I would suggest that you start digging in the Word in regards to this specific topic, asking the Lord to open your eyes and show you the truth about what you have been reading, watching, and listening to.

Too many of us are the lawn with the great fertilizer program and yet find ourselves full of disease because we have been submerged in the world’s philosophies and sinfulness. By choice.

Somehow that makes it worse. We choose to put ourselves in this condition. Unlike the weather that is outside of our control, what we fill our hearts and minds with is our choice.

God wants all of our hearts. He desires that we live in purity and holiness. He calls us to repent and leave sin far behind us. This is hard under the best of circumstances, but it is almost impossible when we are filling our heads with all that we are supposed to turn away from.

And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. 12 The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. 13 Let us walk c]”>[c]properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. 14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts. Romans 11:11-14

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever. I John 2:15-17

An “Unofficial” Kid Study

4 Comments / August 9, 2018

The other night our company participated in a community fair (which I also wrote about last time). We kept it pretty simple with just a few brochures and portfolios and then filled the table with bins of different types of treats. To the left side of the table was a big spinning wheel (like a small “wheel of fortune”) that was labeled with all of the items on the table.

There is just something about spinning a wheel to see what you get. Even some adults were drawn to spinning the wheel at our encouragement. But, mostly, it was kids.

Toddlers and big kids, shy kids and bold kids, poor kids, rich kids, happy kids, quiet kids. Kids with the light of a good life in their eyes. Kids who were already knee deep in the struggles of life. But for a few minutes all of that was put aside as they’d tug at that wheel.

I enjoyed observing them and started doing my own unofficial “kid study”. As the evening wore on, I was able to break them down into a few different types–

The Shy Kid–The boy or girl who had to be pulled by the arm towards the wheel or cajoled by a parent or sibling in order to be brave enough to spin the wheel.

The Greedy Kid–The kid (many of them) who came back over and over until we had to tell them {very politely} that it would be nice to give someone else a turn.

The Embarrassed Kid–These are the ones that were just on the cusp of being an adult and felt like they should be too old to enjoy something like this–but they just couldn’t resist.

The Manipulative Kid–This is the one that would try to manipulate the wheel to the item of their choice. I only saw this once and he was also a greedy kid–trying to come back over and over to get what he wanted until, finally, with the last spin, he just moved the wheel to what he wanted. I pretended I didn’t see.

The Happy Kid–These are the ones that were just having a good time. It didn’t matter what the wheel landed on, they were happy about it.

The Discontented Kid–These are the ones that were never happy with what the wheel landed on. Sometimes they’d even lie and say they couldn’t have such and such kind of candy but they could have this other. What gave them away was that both kinds they’d mention had the same ingredients (dyes, sugar, etc) so it wouldn’t make any sense at all. But we’d just laugh and give them what they wanted.

The Charismatic Kid–The one that would lead all his friends to the wheel.

All of these kids had one thing in common–they were sinners. They had all different types of personalities and traits and life experiences, but they are all sinners. Just like we all are.

Isn’t it so interesting that we can see those same types of kids in the adults around us? We never really outgrow our personalities.

We have the shy and embarrassed ones–the ones who are so concerned about how they will look (selfishness) that they won’t step out in faith and do what they should. We have the greedy ones that are always looking for a deal, always searching for a way to get ahead or to get rich quick. We have the discontented–oh so many of the discontented–no matter how much they have it is never enough. And the manipulative ones–the ones using people and stepping on them to their own advantage. And the happy ones. The only thing we realize about the happy ones as we become adults is that it is often a cover for a lot of pain and hurt underneath. Not always, of course, but often.

These things don’t go away just because we become adults. Our challenge is to take our natural bents and personality traits and to use them for good and not evil. To eradicate the sin and to maximize the gifts God has given us.

This isn’t always, easy, for certain, but it’s one of our most important assignments, as believers. Think about how many people turn away from the Gospel each year because of these two things–

1. Christians living in their sin and not turning away from it (hypocrites)

or

2. Sinners who claim Christ but are probably not saved because they have zero fruit (liars)

There is nothing to turn people away from the Gospel more than hypocrites and liars. And how do we keep from becoming one of those? We stop pretending like we are perfect and acknowledge we are sinners–

not broken, not sick, not diseased

but downright, ugly, hopeless, lost

SINNERS

And then, with that recognition, we recognize Christ’s sacrifice for us. That we cannot be saved without Him. That reconciliation with God is utterly hopeless unless Christ’s takes our sin on Himself, presenting us spotless before God.

And then we start our journey of sanctification and holiness–a never-ending task. Difficult but not unpleasant. God changes our hearts so we want what He wants. His commands are not arduous and distasteful to follow, for we are changed. Sure, our flesh cries out in dismay at the rules and we long for things we can’t have sometimes but we recognize that for what it is. We can see the bigger picture and we know that God has our best interests in mind. Our hearts long to serve Him. And, along the way, we strive to give God the glory in our victories. It is Him working through us that brings change and transformation.

Let’s be honest. Kids are cute. And we find things like a little boy turning the wheel to get what he wants quite humorous. But it isn’t so funny in an adult. What is cute for a kid is often distasteful or even downright ugly in an adult. It is important that we grow up and out of those sins that would beset us so that we can shine the bright (and rare) light of an authentic, Christian testimony in this world.

 

 

The Half Trees

6 Comments / August 6, 2018

I was driving along on a familiar road when I saw them. I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed them before. I wish I could have stopped and taken a photo.

Towering pines reached to the sky and yet they were forlornly bare on one side because of the electric wires that ran next to them. The choice had been made to remove the branches to protect the wires, rather than to cut down the trees completely. They had been granted life but at what a cost!

Imagine if you will a strong, tall pine tree without any boughs on the one side. Only the scars of cut off branches remained. There was a whole row of them.

It reminded me of us. We desire to be so perfect but our bad choices starts removing our boughs. The axe of consequences and sin scar our trunk and starts cutting off our beautiful, green boughs. Sometimes it is the choices of others that brings that terrible axe into our lives and starts hacking away. And many times it is the axe of trials that are completely outside of our control that starts to remove those branches, one by one.

Until some of us are left with a half a tree.

And yet, in Christ, we can still be so strong.

The trees I saw were beautiful in their own way. Sure, they weren’t perfect but they stood so stately as if to say–we survived. We are marred and imperfect but we are strong and we have survived.

You can’t really imagine how something so imbalanced could grow so tall and strong–and yet–they did.

And so can we. God is in the business of strengthening, supporting, nourishing, and transforming those He has saved. Sure, we won’t ever be perfect. And we will continue to live out the consequences of sin and a fallen world. Some of us more than others. It is the nature of life.

But that doesn’t mean the Lord can’t use us. That we are rendered ineffective for the cause of Christ.

In fact, if those trees wouldn’t have been cut in such a way, I wouldn’t have even noticed them. It was in their very uniqueness that they stood out. They were different. They showed that even without wholeness there can be health.

Just as those trees remained a tall and stately witness to living a healthy life of incompleteness, so, too, are we called to live out a testimony of a healthy life lived in and for the Lord–despite our imperfections and deformities.

And, rather than be a deterrent to the Lord, we actually stand out and can draw people to the Lord when we bring glory to His name and point people to Him, no matter what the struggle or trial.  Sure, we come out on the other side minus a branch or two, but God will often use this very thing to demonstrate His power and strength. As healthy, imperfect “half-trees” we give people hope!

Just as a light shines so much brighter in the darkness, so the power of Christ is evidenced more fully when we turn to Him in our trials and struggles. No matter what the consequences (or lost branches), God can use these things to make us stronger, to draw people to Himself, and to be a witness to His power and glory.

Paul says something about this in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10–

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to [b]buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

So I want to encourage you this morning to use your scars, your past, your current trials–whether brought on by bad choices or they are hopelessly outside of your control–to point people to Christ. To show that God is the great and ultimate healer and that we can be strong and healthy despite the consequences of sin in our lives.

Just as those tall, stately half-trees stand as a testament to health despite their many removed branches, so let us, too, be a testament of our amazing God, showing how He has worked and is working to make us whole and healthy on the inside–no matter how we might look on the outside.

 

 

And Then There Was Only a Trickle

2 Comments / August 2, 2018

I stood under the shower trying to rinse out my short hair in the pathetic stream of water that trickled from the shower head. What in the world? The water stream had been weakening as the weeks passed by. And I kept forgetting to ask my husband about it.

Finally, after weeks of these miserable showers, I asked him what was going on. He informed me that the shower head needed replaced, as years of gunk and buildup had impeded the water flow. He had already bought a new one but hadn’t gotten around to installing it yet.

A day or two later, he switched out the shower head and–Wow! What an incredible difference! The change in pressure was like night and day. Taking a shower was once again easy and even enjoyable. I had not realized just how weak the water flow actually had been because the change had been so gradual.

This incident reminded me of I Thessalonians 5:19–

Do not quench the Spirit.

I found this paragraph on this verse at StudyLight.org, written by Adam Clarke–

“The Holy Spirit is represented as a fire, because it is his province to enlighten and quicken the soul; and to purge, purify, and refine it. This Spirit is represented as being quenched when any act is done, word spoken, or temper indulged, contrary to its dictates. It is the Spirit of love, and therefore anger, malice, revenge, or any unkind or unholy temper, will quench it so that it will withdraw its influences; and then the heart is left in a state of hardness and darkness. It has been observed that fire may be quenched as well by heaping earth on it as by throwing water on it; and so the love of the world will as effectually grieve and quench the Spirit as any ordinary act of transgression.”

Just like our shower head became filled with debris that stopped its flow, so, too, can our lives so gradually become filled with habitual sins, unholy attitudes, or a love for the world, that we quench the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives. We can quench it by following after false teaching, by our lack of submission and obedience to God, by holding grudges, by keeping immoral company, and by a lifestyle of idleness or selfishness.

A lack of prayer and a disregard for our time spent in the Word keeps the gunk and buildup firmly in place, hardening there and diminishing the flow of the outworking of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

And then one day–just like that day in the shower when I realized just how bad the pressure really was–we suddenly realize that we are living a powerless Christian life that feels dead. We do not feel close to God and we do not understand why.

An honest inventory of our lives will often reveal the real reason. Some sin we love. Some worldly entertainment that we aren’t willing to give up. Some person we aren’t willing to forgive. A lack of trust in or anger over God’s sovereign will in our lives. The list goes on. Something is there that is quenching the work of the Spirit in our lives.

I Corinthians 13:5 puts it this way–

Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified.

But most of us do not enjoy self-examination. It is painful and change can feel daunting. Or we love our sin and aren’t willing to give it up. And so we content ourselves with a weak and ineffective Christian life, never feeling like we live in victory.

And this is when so many fill in the gaping gaps left with the things that make one feel close to God–supernatural experiences, personal messages from God, being led by dreams and visions. I am convinced that an unwillingness to examine our lives for sin and unholy attitudes has left us with a gaping hole that is being filled in a desperate attempt to feel close to God without sacrificing our own personal and fleshly desires.

You see, scripture makes it clear that a holy life is necessary if we are going to truly be close to God. But that takes a lot of work and sacrifice and so we must decide: Is it worth it?

Are we going to stand in a shower that trickles, looking for counterfeit ways to convince ourselves that we are in a shower that is full pressure? Or are we going to go to the work of cleaning, fixing, and repairing so that we actually return to full pressure?

Are we going to pretend that we are close to God (something that Satan is more than happy to help us with) or are we going to follow the scriptural principles of self-denial, confession of sin, and sacrifice that is required for a healthy relationship with God?

And let’s not forget: Confessing sin and denying self leads us into the most fulfilling and wonderfully victorious Christian life we could live. It seems a contradiction, but it is true. What looks so unappealing to our flesh actually leads us to the full working of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

Which is truly a miracle.

 

A Real Rarity

4 Comments / July 5, 2018

The other day I was listening to a podcast where two men were discussing the rarity of people who are really willing to listen to an opposing viewpoint anymore. The context was in discussing discernment and how–even with solid biblical evidence–few people will really listen to someone who simply wants to share with them their concerns. Instead, they regularly encounter a defensive, arrogant spirit and often endure personal attacks. Simply from speaking up against a false teacher.

They went on to say how this is very different than in years gone by, where two people could have an intelligent and thoughtful conversation about Bible teachers, authors, pastors, (and I will add: Anything else).

Why is this? Why this crazily defensive and hostile attitude towards someone who disagrees with us? What has been fomenting this strange relationship phenomenon over the last few decades?

But why isn’t really the question I want to deal with today. I am more interested in what this change in how we accept and give confrontation has cost us as Christians–and what we can do about it personally.

You see, when we aren’t willing to listen to and to think on a viewpoint or opinion that is in opposition to ours we set ourselves up for failure. How in the world can we grow in holiness and keep ourselves pure and separated from the world if we think we know everything? Do we honestly believe we know all there is to know about God and His Word? We don’t have to agree with someone but we can always listen and consider what they are saying in light of God’s Word. Instead it is most common–even for Christians– to get angry, to attack and malign, and to hold grudges.

This plays itself out in a myriad of ways–

–When someone comes to us with a concern about a favorite teacher or author. How do we respond?

–When our spouse confronts us about a sin in our lives. How do we respond?

–When our child seems confused about something we said or did and asks us about it. How do we respond?

–When someone at church doesn’t like our decision about a ministry we lead. How do we respond?

–When a parent, sibling, or friend lovingly questions our entertainment choice, our child-rearing, or some other aspect of our lives. How do we respond?

At the heart of this all is arrogance. Plain and simple. “Who are you to tell me…anything?”

So this leads us to two important points that we need to consider today.

First, what kind of “hearer” are we? Are we willing to reflect on the words someone speaks to us? Or do we immediately go on the defensive? Do we allow our relationships to change or be destroyed because we don’t like what someone has said to us? Do we lash out in attack? Do we hold grudges?

This is of the devil, my friends. Even if what someone is saying to us has zero biblical merit, we should choose to listen and consider. And then, if necessary, we must forgive. Satan would like nothing more than to break down the friendships and families of Christians. And this is a very effective way.

We can cut him off at the pass by responding to unpleasant words with humility and love.

Proverbs is full of counsel about the fool. And one of the main things about a fool is that he does not listen to wise counsel–

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But he who heeds counsel is wise. (Proverbs 12:15)

Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, For he will despise the wisdom of your words. (Proverbs 23:9)

And then Proverbs 26:12 shows us that there is more hope for a fool than for someone who is wise in their own eyes!–

Do you see a man wise in his own eyes?
There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Do we think we know all the answers? Then there is more hope for a fool than for us!

And, second, this new dynamic should make us consider very carefully what is worth a confrontation. How many people do you know that, with a critical spirit, sarcastically attack people about the most inane and insignificant things? If this is us, then we will not be listened to when it really matters. It is extremely important that we confront lovingly on biblical matters and then let the other stuff roll. After all, does it really matter if they chose to go here instead of there? Does it really matter if they did their preferred “this” instead of our preferred “that”? Is it a biblical matter? Does their choice have eternal ramifications? Asking these questions can help us determine if it is worth a confrontation. Instead, we sometimes get this all mixed up and we confront (or make sarcastic remarks) on the trivial and never touch the stuff that has eternal ramifications. This is another subtle trick of Satan’s.

And, third, we should consider our own attitude about confrontation. It takes courage and a lot of love to confront someone in a biblical way. It is so much easier to just sit by and let it go. True love speaks the truth. Self-interest often leads to either ignoring it or saying sarcastic, back-handed remarks that hurt instead of heal.

Just recently, I was part of something like this and that experience has given me a real-life example of how all of this should work –in the right way. I will be purposely vague. I felt compelled to talk with someone about something. I hesitated for a very long time because of the possible ramifications. I have lost friends over things like this. I knew the risk and I basically told God I didn’t want to take it. But I knew that I was not doing the right thing. So I prayed and told God that if He would open up an opportunity, I would take it. Otherwise, I would stay quiet. Of course, the perfect opportunity presented itself a few days later. And, so, I, faltering and lovingly, shared my concern. And, wonderfully, the other person heard me without getting upset. They took what I told them and they acted upon it. This is how this should work between Christians (Proverbs 27:17). I was beyond thankful. And I wondered: Am I as mature and wise as this person when someone confronts me?

This is a question we should all ask: Do I hear? Or am I like the fool?

And the second question: Do I confront lovingly and only on the things that really matter?

Let’s be one of those real rarities: A Christian who is willing to thoughtfully consider what someone has to say to us and to also be one that has enough love and courage to confront when it’s biblically necessary.

 

 

The Other Side of the Equation

7 Comments / May 31, 2018

On Monday I wrote about the “Tactless Art of Making People Feel Small”. In that post I shared how important it is that we treat others as we want to be treated instead of acting like we are better than they are. It was an important post because it’s an easy (and acceptable) sin to commit. I hope you will take the time to read it if you haven’t done so yet.

Ironically…

On Tuesday (the day after that post was written), I was planting flowers for a few of our customers. I actually don’t do a whole lot of on-the-job work for our landscaping company but planning and planting the flowers in the busy month of May is something my husband has asked me to do.

Our second job of the day took us to the house of a customer who has mastered the art of making others feel small. We just know that this is the case with him and I tried to prepare myself for his condescension and abrasive attitude. While we were there he came out of the house and got into this car that was parked in the driveway. I glanced over with a smile and a ready wave, but he completely and absolutely ignored my daughter and me planting flowers in his front yard as he drove away in his {very expensive} car. And, yes, I’m pretty sure he knew we were there. That’s just the kind of guy he is. This is not the first time this kind of thing has happened and I am sure it won’t be the last. Unfortunately.

But my reason for writing is not this customer’s treatment of me. Rather, it is about my very wrong reaction to his treatment of me.

I was actually rather surprised at the intensity of the feelings that stirred up in my heart against him. Who does he think he is? The smallness I felt was almost tangible and my first reaction was indignation and animosity towards him.

The Holy Spirit almost immediately convicted me as I realized that this man doesn’t know the Lord. He is lost in his sins and my sinful anger won’t help Him to know my Savior but, in fact –should he ever find out my bad attitude towards him–would serve to drive him away from Christ. This really had me thinking as I sat there digging holes in the dirt and planting pink supertunias.

You see, there is another side to this equation of making someone feel small and that is: How we respond when someone makes us feel small. Because I think we have all been there. Whether it’s a customer who thinks they are better than us, an arrogant co-worker or boss who is constantly demanding things from us, a friend who directs unkind, sarcastic remarks at us, or any other countless situations that remind us that there are those who think we just aren’t important, all of us have been there at one time or another.

And how do we respond? Actually, don’t answer that. If you are like me, you won’t be very proud of the answer.

So let’s, instead, go to the Bible and see how we should respond–

First, Jesus tells us to love our enemies in Matthew 5:44: But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.

While this is talking specifically about those who hate us, I think we can safely say that if we are to love those who hate us, we should do the same for those who would make us feel small. It is easy to build a lot of resentment and bitterness towards someone who does this because it feels so very personal. But, instead, we must forgive and then forgive again. We must let the remarks roll off our backs without building up a mountain of anger inside that festers.

In fact, Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:21-22 that we are to continue to forgive someone, even if they continue to hurt us: Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

This can be hard to do with someone who is making us feel so incredibly unimportant and small.

(And if I may go down a quick bunny trail–I had to wonder why I was so angry about this as I stood in the front yard with my frozen smile on my face as I watched him drive away. And I realized it is that ugly old sin of pride cropping up yet again!! It revealed my own ugly self-importance that will probably plague me my whole life. And it makes me glad, once again, for a wonderful Savior who covers my sin and makes me right before God.)

And, second, I think it’s important we take it a step further as we respond to people like this by remembering that something is going on. While many of us struggle with making people feel small on occasion, there are those who do this to us all the time, which makes it harder to forgive. And yet, we have to understand that if someone is living in a pattern of this type of behavior, we can know that they are either lost and headed to hell in their arrogance and pride or they are saved but struggle with a deep-seated problem of insecurity and the only way to make themselves feel better is to make others feel small. Either way, they should be the recipients of our forgiving loving-kindness that would echo the same forgiveness and loving-kindness that God showed us– But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.(Romans 5:8).

If we need to wait for someone to treat us kindly before we treat them kindly, we are doing it all wrong. God can fill us with His love for someone like this, if we only just ask Him.

And, finally, we have to remember to put ourselves on the back seat and consider our ultimate objective–to save those who are lost and to draw believers to the Word of God and to walk closer with Him. What reaction will best further this goal? Instead of worrying about our foolish pride, we must toss it aside as the rubbish it is and turn our eyes towards eternal matters. What does it matter if someone thought they were better than us if they end up in hell?? It is sobering to think how often we let self  keep us from our ultimate objective.

Anyway, these are all the things I have been thinking about since that incident on Tuesday. I am sure that some of you do not struggle in the same way with that ugly root of pride, but for those of you that do, I hope that this post has encouraged you. God’s Word has the answers, it is just a matter of obeying it. Therein lies the real challenge.

 

The Tactless Art of Making People Feel Small

2 Comments / May 28, 2018

There is a way to instantly get on someone’s bad side. This builds walls between parents and children and creates barriers between friends. It can ruin ministries and destroy relationships.

I have seen it take place between adult children and their elderly parents. And between teenagers and their bewildered parents. I have seen it take place between teacher and student, pastor and congregation member, husband and wife, and clerk and customer.

It isn’t talked about a whole lot as a sin, but it is a very real (and accepted) sin for which we need to be on guard at all times.

So what is it, you may ask?

It is the art of making people feel small. The great art of condescension, which is defined as an attitude of patronizing superiority; disdain.

Have you ever been around someone who has done this to you?

How did this make you feel?

I can tell you how it makes me feel. It makes me feel unimportant and ridiculous. It makes me feel that I have no more value than a bug to be squashed on the sidewalk.

I know I have done this to others myself and I mourn over this. Do you feel the same way? Some of us are more prone to this than others.

I am especially heart-broken when I see this happen between adult children and their elderly parents. The rolling eyes, the patronizing attitude as I watch an adult child treat their parent with such disdain just fills me with sadness. Shouldn’t someone who raised us be worthy of our respect?

Now, first let me state that I have not been in the place of taking care of elderly parents yet. All four of our parents are still very independent so please know that I am not casting a pointing finger of judgement at any of you. I know there are real challenges in being a caregiver for someone who resists your care.

Rather, what I hope to do with this post is to gently encourage you to consider your communication with and attitude towards your elderly parents. And your children. Your co-workers and fellow believers and family members and friends. And clerks and bank tellers and landscapers and the people who pick up your trash.

Because there is little more to crush the spirit of another than to act like you know everything and they know nothing. Anger and frustration quickly build when someone gives the impression that they are way more important than the other person. There are few things that will as quickly create barriers between people than for one person to make another one feel stupid.

I’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum on this. I used to be condescending on a regular basis with my husband. It shames me to say it, but it’s true. I am thankful that he brought this to my attention and that God has worked in my heart but I am still so imperfect in this area (as well as so many others!) And, as lowly landscapers, we often feel condescension from those who would never choose a laborious job such as working with their hands and digging in the dirt. Quite thankfully, we have so many wonderful customers that make up for those that would treat us like dirt–no pun intended!! ;)

And, as is the case with all sin, the ugly root of this sin is pride. And, once again, we see clear evidence that–

Pride destroys and humility repairs

Pride builds walls and humility tears them down

Pride leads to dissension and humility leads to harmony

 

Another thing we need to keep in mind in regards to condescension is that it can be done with a big smile and sweet words. Have you ever run into one of those people that appear so sweet and kind but underneath it is hardened pride that keeps you from having any productive conversations with them? They are condescending but it is in the nicest way. In some ways this is the art of making people feel small at its finest. It can be done while still maintaining a godly and wholesome reputation.

So how do we keep ourselves from falling prey to this sin? What can we do to make sure we don’t patronize others? These are two things that I have found helpful, so I am passing them along–

1. Remember how Jesus treated others.

Jesus was never patronizing with people. We read of so many accounts he had with others–Zaccheus, the Samaritan Woman, Nicodemus, and others and condescension is never conveyed by even the slightest word or deed. Even when Jesus was angry with the Pharisees for their false teaching, He demonstrated that anger in clearly communicated words and not through snide and sarcastic condescension. Jesus’s sinless example is the one we want to follow as we reflect on how we should treat others.

2. Treat others as you would want to be treated.

Mark 12:31 says this: And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Love your neighbor as yourself. How would you want someone to tell you a hard truth? How would you want your adult child to treat you if you were the elderly parent losing your ability to do things independently and your dignity right along with it? Imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes and really take to heart how you would want to be treated if you were them.

 

Remembering these two things will bring a big change in this area of condescension. Keeping these in mind will fill us with a special grace and thoughtfulness that will naturally yield an attitude of loving-kindness and gentleness towards others rather than an air of superiority and disdain.

So let’s discard the tactless art of making people feel small and develop the art of making people feel special! Let’s eliminate the destructive root of pride that yields a superior, patronizing disdain for others and, instead, develop godly humility that tears down barriers and builds relationships.

This is God’s will for all of us, so we know His Holy Spirit will guide and direct us as we seek to make changes. We know that this is a prayer that God will answer if we are seriously seeking to do what’s right. God will be with us all as we seek to build rather than to tear down and as we strive to make others feel important and loved rather than stupid and worthless.

 

 

 

The Smallest Crack

5 Comments / May 10, 2018

If you live in the country you know that mice can get in the smallest, teeniest, tiniest crack there is. They can slip under a door or scurry through a small hole in the wall. They will find any area that has not been sealed properly. Even when you think you have everything boarded up tight, you will find that mice will often find a way in. Especially in the fall when it’s starting to get cold.

As I was finishing up the final chapter of a *Bible Study based on the book of James last week, there was a list of questions given at the end that made me realize that pride is just like that mouse. It slips in quietly, often unnoticed, in the unsealed places of our hearts and minds. We had spent the last several chapters of the study learning about biblical humility and pride. James does not mince words, as we can see in chapter 4, verses 6–

But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:

“God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”

God resists the proud. And He gives grace to the humble. We already know this. But have we given thought recently to just how pride will slip in through even the smallest crack in our spiritual armor? It slithers in unbeknownst to us while we are patting ourselves on the back for not being prideful. It slides down into our hearts when we are least expecting it. Compliments and applaud and rewards make us even more vulnerable.

The more I study the Bible, the more I understand these three things: 1) how much God hates pride 2) just how deadly pride is to godly, righteous living and 3) how susceptible I am to it at all times.

As I worked on that final chapter and read through those questions, I thought that you all might appreciate this, as well. I think these questions are very revealing. They help us understand that pride isn’t simply boasting or having an arrogant attitude. It is so very much more than that, as we will see by this list of questions. At the end of the final chapter of his Bible Study on James, Steve Pettit says this–

Sometimes we view humility as the absence of outrageous vanity and boasting. But evaluating our pride should go much deeper than such surface observations. Consider the following questions (I have added a few comments in parentheses):

1.  Am I a critical person?

2. Do I regularly question authority?

3. Do I make fun of weaker, less privileged people?

4. Do I treat people differently based on their status? (Or on their wealth or their position in the company where I work or their leadership role at church?)

5. Am I dissatisfied with God’s Word as sufficient for life and godliness? (Or do I crave a supernatural experience that will make me feel special and important?)

6. Do I make plans without making the Lord the center of my life?

7. Do I shift blame instead of taking responsibility for my actions? (Do I get defensive if someone confronts me?)

8. Do I widely proclaim my views but rarely listen? (At home, at work, at church, on the sidelines–am I more concerned with being heard or with hearing others?)

9. Do I hold grudges instead of extending forgiveness?

10. Do I put up a front instead of confessing my faults to those who can help? (Do I confess my sins to God? To others? Am I willing to humbly apologize?)

11. Do I pray sparingly? (Lack of prayer indicates that we believe we can do life on our own.)

I don’t know about you, but this is quite a list! How did you do? Were you as convicted as me?? Does this list help you recognize that pride is something very real in your life? That it has seeped into the cracks of your armor–even when you didn’t realize it? Like that tiny mouse or a slithering poisonous snake, it slides through the smallest crack and takes up residence in our heart before we even know it.

Pettit gives this final paragraph–

The point of these questions is not to drive you to simply to do better. Answering yes to some of these questions is the first step toward repentance and receiving God’s grace, because a humble person is honest. He understands what David confessed–that God wants us to have integrity in our hearts (Psalm 51:6). Recognizing spiritual unfaithfulness and pride does not mean we pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. It means running to Christ for superabundant grace. It means humbling ourselves to get back on the path of wisdom from above.

We have to face the fact that we can’t fix ourselves. In this day and age of self-help, we think we should be able to. Removing ourselves from the path of earthly, human wisdom means discarding our pride and putting on humility, recognizing that only God can give us the grace and strength we need for permanent change and righteous living.

And then we must remain in the Word and keep our eyes open because that deadly pride will slip in through the cracks once again, as soon as we leave even the slightest chink in our armor. We will see it when we argue with our spouse. It will crop up when someone criticizes something we did. And when we are tempted to criticize someone else. It rears its ugly head when we are hurt and rejected, when someone tells us what to do, when someone compliments us, or when we get too busy to pray. It is a constant danger to all believers and we must be on the lookout at all times.

So, over the next few days, let’s reflect on how pride tends to manifest itself in our own lives. Let’s ask the Lord to grow us in humility. Let’s be sure to keep our spiritual armor on (Ephesians 6:10-20), so that we may withstand those arrows of temptation thrown at us every day. And let’s thoroughly and regularly examine our spiritual armor for chinks and gaps so that– while we are busy defending ourselves from the “bigger sins”–pride doesn’t slip in, quiet as a mouse, and take up residence in our hearts.

 

*From Wisdom from Above: A Study in James by Steve Pettit

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