Discernment

There is a sin that has been accepted by generations of Christians.   We rarely hear sermons on it.  We rarely read books or articles on this topic.  And yet…

It has destroyed countless churches.  Families have fallen prey to its merciless grasp by the thousands.  It is has ripped apart friendships.  It has influenced school boards.  It has  shaped government in a big way.  But it has also affected small children.  This serpent slithers its way through most of our lives, rearing its head at any given moment.

It reared its ugly head in Bible times, in the Middle Ages, and during the Civil War.  In fact, it has existed in many different forms throughout all time.

What is this sin?  Pride.  Pride has invaded, in one form or another, every relationship and every institution.  Think for a moment.   The last time you had an argument…what was it about?   Or the last time you grew stonily silent and angry…what was it about?    So often we are so full of ourselves.  We are so convinced that we are right.  We are so determined to get our own way.   And when we realize, oftentimes later, that we have messed up, do we humble ourselves and apologize?

Why is apologizing so hard?   It takes a lot of courage for a person to admit they were wrong.  It takes a lot of humility.  Humility can be rather elusive, can’t it?   It is so valuable in a Christian’s life and yet so few of us have genuine humility.  Oh, there is lots of fake humility going on…”You did great at such and such”….”Awww, shucks, no I didn’t”.  But that is not humility.

So what does humble mean, anyway?   It means “not proud, not arrogant; modest” according to dictionary.com.   And pride?  Pride means “a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.”

Humility requires thinking of the other person at the expense…yes, EXPENSE, of ourselves. Humility costs a lot.  It may mean we are tramped upon.  It may mean we are taken advantage of.   It may mean we need to forego our own advancement and our personal “rights”.  We cannot even come to the cross without humility.  Unless we realize just how sinful we are…how full of self…how depraved…we cannot begin to even comprehend what the Savior did for us on the cross.

As I am writing, I can think of dozens of examples of situations that could have been solved except for pride.  They were not issues of biblical doctrine.   People just couldn’t get along.  Husbands or wives who just could not admit that they were wrong and take steps to fix the issue, but instead decided to part ways.  Church leaders who held themselves aloft and would not admit to wrongdoing chose instead to split their churches into pieces.  Business owners who continue to claim they handled things well…even as their companies are in bankruptcy.

But, let’s bring it a little closer to home.  When I think of the last few times I have found myself in a disagreement with someone, I know that most times it was stupid.  Yes, I admit it.  It was stupid.  I was standing up for something because of my stupid pride.  It didn’t even matter.  And for the handful of times that it did matter…that it was truly important to express my viewpoint…well, how I went about it was prideful.

I think pride has so invaded our daily lives, that we give it little thought.  In fact, I think in our culture, we often condone it.  We hear that we should stand up for “our rights”.  We hear that we need to “love ourselves”  and increase our “self-esteem”.  But the Bible tells me we already love ourselves (Luke 10:27).  We are commanded to love our neighbor like we already love ourself.

I fear I have not done this topic the justice it deserves.  I fear that churches and families around me will continue to fall, unless we…one by one…kill this serpent within our own homes and churches.  It needs to start with us.

In conclusion, I leave you with a list of verses on this topic:

Proverbs 8:13 The fear of the LORD is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate.

Proverbs 13:10 By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised is wisdom.

James 4:6 But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “ God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”

Psalm 25:9 The humble He guides in justice, And the humble He teaches His way.

Matthew 23:12 And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 29:23 A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.

1 John 2:16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.

Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom.

Psalm 147:6 The LORD lifts up the humble; He casts the wicked down to the ground.

Psalm 18:27 For You will save the humble people, But will bring down haughty look.

Romans 12:16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

1 Peter 5:5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “ God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”

We know– and tell our children– that a diet made up of only desserts and candy will lead to an unhealthy body. In fact, in our current culture this has become all-important. We have recognized the need to fuel our bodies with good-for-you things like meat, vegetables and fruits, and healthy carbohydrates. There is little discussion or debate about this.

I would like to suggest that perhaps it is the same way with what we read. If you are not a reader, then I challenge you to think about what you listen to or watch and apply the same principle.

When I was fresh out of college and a young mom, a friend of mine gave me her very negative opinion about the Christian fiction that was so popular (and still continues to be popular).  I was kind of offended at the time. When I had the time to read, that was what I read. I filled my mind with stories of lovely damsels in distress finding the perfect guy. But after that conversation, I found myself honestly looking at my reading habits.

Gradually, over many years time, I changed my diet from all fiction to hardly any at all. As this has evolved over the years, I have found that my desire for these types of books has dramatically decreased, as well. Have  you ever talked to a person who has changed their eating habits? Several people have told me that they don’t even really desire to eat a lot of candy and desserts anymore (I am still working on that one!).  I am told that their appetite for the junk food their body craved dramatically decreased when they overhauled their diet.

I believe the same thing applies to what we read.

I do enjoy an occasional Christian fiction work. There are some great authors out there who use the medium of fiction to not only tell a beautiful story, but to also teach us a lesson or cause us to think (and quite honestly, I do not put these authors in the same category as the authors of the light, fluffy stuff).  However, if we are spending hours reading the typical romantic, unrealistic fluff, then we are not only wasting our time but we are developing expectations about life that aren’t real. Oftentimes, we are using it as an escape from the real world. I know this, because I did this.  And, just like eating candy, reading like this is fine–in moderation. But, if this is what we are filling our mind with, then it will take up the appetite that should be used for better things–the good-for-us “mind food” that will keep us growing and challenged both spiritually and intellectually.

If you can relate to what I am saying then I would like to challenge you to read (or listen to or watch) more vegetables than you do candy. Read some biblical, sound books that will help you grow in your walk with the Lord.  Read some biographies of great men and women. See how the Lord has worked in the lives of real men and women to change the world.  My personal favorites are missionary biographies. How my short-sighted view on how God works has been deeply challenged by reading about the lives of believers who took a giant leap out of their comfort zone! Or pick up a good classic and stretch your mind with the vocabulary and the complexities of the story. And soon you will find that you, too, have changed your mind’s appetite for candy along with stretching your mind and growing spiritually.

Dave Ramsey says that in 5 years you will be the same person except for the people you meet and the books you read. How are the books you are reading changing you?

P.S. If you’d like a few suggestions of books to get you started, you can check out some of my favorite books here.

A dear friend of mine told me of an interesting thing that happened to her recently. Earlier in the week, she had stopped at a fast food restaurant for a quick meal. After she had placed her order, the young clerk asked her if she would like a senior citizen discount. My friend is not a senior citizen. She laughed it off–until it happened again that same week in a different scenario. Only this time she was actually given the discount.  She was starting to wonder–was she not feeling well? Maybe she looked more tired than she actually felt?

But her discouragement was erased the following Friday night.

That was when an older lady she had never met asked her a few questions about herself. And then said the glorious words: You look like you are 25. Twenty-five! To this woman, my friend looked like she was 25.

It is truly all in our perspective.  When I was a teenager, I thought my parents were OLD. Now that I am the same age as they were then, I still think they are old. But not me. I’m not old. Not yet.  And I wonder at my naivete thinking that they were old when they were in their 40s.  But I was so young. Not that I thought was young then.

I was thinking that this perspective thing might affect more than how we view someone’s age. Perhaps it transfers into other areas of life. Sometimes we can’t understand why someone responds to a tragedy or crisis  in a totally different way than we think we would in the same situation.  But perhaps we would respond the same way–if we were looking at it from the same perspective as they were.

A long, long time ago I had a friend who was experiencing some very serious marital issues. I told her kind of flippantly –remember I was so young and rather foolish, too– that I would just leave. I remember her sighing, “You don’t know what you would do if you were in my place.”

You don’t know what you would do.

I have remembered that all of these years. And when I see someone reacting to a situation in a way I believe to be unwise or even just plain stupid– well, I remember what she said.  Maybe if I was in that situation, I would do the same thing.

That doesn’t discount our responsibility to confront sin or to come alongside and help our friends. But it should make us much more compassionate and a lot less judgmental.

Today, may we extend compassion to those around us, realizing they are seeing their situation differently than we are. And may we not give senior discounts to anyone who is not a senior!

P.S. My friend is still married to her husband. She wisely stuck it out when it didn’t look like the wise thing to do. I am so glad she didn’t listen to me when I spoke my unwise words–which I thought were so wise at the time.

Why have so many people missed that verse in Hagamuk? You know the one–

Hagamuk 2:10: “Thou Shalt Wear Thy Best Robes to Worship.”

Okay, so I tried. As you most likely already know,  there is no “official” verse on why one should dress up for church. And since the church has been busily throwing out traditions for the last 20 years, dressing up is now completely out of vogue. It is the exception–and certainly not the norm–to see people dressed in their best for Sunday mornings. And since there is nothing official in scripture stating why one should dress nicely–well, I don’t have much I can say, do I?

And, I would like to say right here–just so you are not confused–I am in no way judging you if you do not agree with me. Since there is not anything directly spoken to this issue in scripture, what you wear to church is between you and the Lord.

But just in case someone wonders why anyone would hold onto TRADITION so tightly like my family and me–well, I thought I would give some insight. Because it is a decision that our family has carefully thought through and not based on some thoughtless dedication to a long-held tradition that has now been completely tossed to the wind by most church-goers.

As I have mentioned already, within the past 20 years churches have gradually become a place where anything goes. Wear your jeans, your t-shirts, and your shorts. All people will be welcomed, no matter what you wear. And so they should be!! But dressing up doesn’t mean that we make people unwelcome. Do you feel unwelcome at a bank? Or when you go to see a lawyer or accountant’s office? It is so interesting that people still dress up to go to work. If you go into a bank or you work in a corporation, you still find “business attire”.  It has long been understood that if you are dressed nicely, you act differently–more respectful and more professional–than if you are dressed casually.

I have also noticed that people still dress up to do things like meet the President of the United States, attend a wedding or a funeral,  or to go to a symphony. Why do they bother to go to the work of dressing up? It is because they want to honor the person(s) in whose honor they are attending the function. It is a sign of respect and honor.

And so this is why our family has continued to wear our best on Sunday mornings, when the world around us has decided not to. Yes, we know that God looks on the heart (the argument we hear over and over again about why you don’t need to dress up for church). But let’s turn it around and instead of putting the focus on ourselves, let’s move it to God. What is the best way we can honor and respect God when we worship? One of the ways our family thinks this can be accomplished is by dressing up when we go to God’s House to worship.

And, by the way, just because some people wear nice clothing to church and then have hearts that are filled with legalistic garbage, doesn’t mean that all people who wear nice clothing are doing so because of legalism. This just isn’t the case.

I will close with a quote from Elisabeth Elliot’s book “Discipline”. She has encapsulated my thoughts perfectly.

“I know I am skating on very thin ice to bring up the question of dress, since it has, for several decades, been considered by most Christians as of very minor importance or of absolutely no importance since God looks on the heart.  But I believe it is worth reconsidering in terms of respect.  Is it not an indication of my regard for another person’s worth when I am willing to “dress up”- for a job interview, for example; for a special guest I am entertaining; for a social event to which I feel honored to have been invited?  Is it not a sign of a performer’s respect for his audience and of the audience’s for the performer, when they dress for the occasion?  It may be scorned as a form of pride (“who are you trying to impress”), but it may be genuine humility of the same sort that would prompt one to polish the silver, get out the beautiful tablecloth, and have candlelight and flowers for someone greatly loved.  The attitude of students, I have noticed, is strongly influenced by a professor’s dress, as well as his manner.”

The Watchman
by Scottish pastor, Horatius Bonar (1808-1889)

Thy way, not mine, O Lord, however dark it be;

Lead me by Thine own hand, choose out the path for me.

“…if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet, and the people are not warned, and the sword comes and takes any person from among them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at the watchman’s hand.’ … I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; therefore you shall hear a word from My mouth and warn them for Me.” Ezekiel 33:6-7

“Some one, then, must undertake the ungracious task of probing and laying bare the evils of the age; for men must not be allowed to congratulate themselves that all is well. If others will not, he will.

If others shrink from the obloquy of such a work, he will not…. He loves his fellow-men too well. They may upbraid him; they may call him a misanthropist, or a prophet of evil; they may ascribe his warnings to the worst of motives, such as pride, or arrogance, or self-esteem, or malice, or envy; but he will give no heed to these unjust insinuations.

He will prefer being thus misunderstood and maligned, to allowing men to precipitate themselves upon a ruin which they see not. Rather than that they should perish, he will allow his own good name to be spoken against. He will risk every thing, even the hatred of brethren, rather than withhold the warning. If they give no heed to it, he has, at least, saved his own soul. If they do, he has saved both his own soul and theirs.

He would rather take up the glad tidings of peace, and tell men of Him who came the first time for shame and death, and who is coming the second time for glory and dominion; but he feels as one who has a special and personal message to deliver, which cannot be postponed.

He must remember that he is a watchman; and, having seen danger pressing on, he must not hesitate to make it known. He must speak his message of forewarning and rebuke, sparing no arrows, and neither smoothing down nor hiding any form of sin, but laying his finger upon every sore, and beseeching men to turn from their ungodliness. The evils around him press upon him sadly; the coming evils are foreshadowed upon his spirit, and, therefore, he lifts up his voice like a trumpet.

Satan has many snares which need to be detected; the world has many spells and lures which must be disenchanted; religion has many guises which must be unmasked, many devious paths of inconsistency which must be pointed out, many cherished errors which must be condemned, many carnal taints which must be abhorred and shunned. All these he must protest against without fear or favour.”

Smooth let it be or rough,

It will be still the best;

Winding or straight, it leads

Right onward to Thy rest.

I dare not choose my lot;

I would not, if I might;

Choose Thou for me, my God,

So I shall walk aright.

 

Have you complained yet today?  I mean…you know…been frustrated or discouraged about something and expressed that with your mouth?   You could have knocked me over with a feather when one of my kids described me as a “complainer” the other day.  I did not realize just how much I vocalized my feelings.  I mean, I already know that I talk a lot.   And that generally means sharing a lot of what I think.  I am not much of a mystery (as most of you readers probably figured out already!).   But, I was challenged.   Just because I think something negative about my circumstances does not mean I need to speak it.

Do you have any problems with that?  Or am I alone in this propensity?   Do you complain when an activity you were looking forward to is canceled due to weather?  Do you complain when your husband comes home late for dinner?  When your children leave their things on the floor right where you walk?  Or perhaps when you are doing your gazillionth load of laundry?

It is human nature, isn’t it?  I would go even further and say that it is of our flesh…our old nature.  It is not of the Spirit.  It is not a fruit of our new nature.  You see, I think complaining is one of those things that we often do without even thinking.  We don’t even realize the sinfulness of it because it is a habit.  And habits are hard to break.

But Paul tells us in Galatians that we are new creatures.  Old things have passed away.  There should be a battle going on when we sin.  Galatians 5:16&17 says  “I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. ¹⁷ For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.”

As has happened so many times in the past…God has brought something to my attention that is sin. It is not just a bad habit that is annoying to my family.   It is not just something that I say that sounds ungrateful and unloving.  It not just a vocalization of a discontent heart.  It is sin.

The funny thing is…and I don’t know if you find this to be true in your own life…but I am not discontent.  I am not ungrateful.  I thank the Lord often for the many blessings in my life.  I find that I just have this tendency to speak my mind when something doesn’t suit me.   James 3 talks about just how powerful the tongue is.   Perhaps thinking before opening my mouth would be a good start to ridding myself of the habit of complaining!

If you don’t struggle with this, you can thank the Lord that you are not like me.  But if you do, I hope that I have helped you see that you are not alone and that I have given you cause to think before you speak today.  Because it is never appropriate to whine about our circumstances!

We all do it, don’t we?  Ignore something because it is just…easier.  At least, it is temporarily easier.  Here are a few I can think of:

–If I discipline and communicate with my child on a consistent basis, they will become a responsible adult.

–If I confront this person in love, we will be able to continue in a friendship full of love and grace.

–If I eat things that are good for me, I will stay at a healthy weight and feel so much better.

–If I study God’s Word, He will use that study powerfully in my life to grow me as a believer.

–If  spend carefully and wisely, I will be financially secure and be able to give with generosity later on.

 
Of course, there are exceptions to everything.  But,  like Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it) is a guideline for life…a golden nugget of wisdom, so the above statements are guidelines…patterns for us to follow.  But we are awfully good at ignoring them, aren’t we?

And we all struggle with different things.  I, for one, struggle with the whole food thing.  Which I think I have mentioned here before!  But I did learn a lesson the hard way this past month.  I threw my whole eating plan to the wind and filled my body with junk on a pretty consistent basis.  I was not careful of my sugar intake and felt too busy (operative word is FELT) to care about how many fruits and vegetables I ate.  And, do you know what?  I paid for it dearly.  I felt so sick the whole month of December.  Like I was operating at 50% power.  Until, on December 30, I got incredibly sick…sicker than I have ever been as an adult.  No one else in my house got sick.  Just me.  And it has made me wonder…did ignoring the TRUTH that my body needs good food to eat and cannot handle all of that sugar so weaken my immune system, that I had no way to fight back?

You may think that had nothing to do with it.  But I will never let my guard down like that again.  I will always be much more diligent, no matter what the time of year.  That way, if I do get sick, I will know it is not due to my lack of self-discipline and my unwise way of eating.

You may not struggle with eating.  You may religiously eat your vegetables and fruits.   Sugar may not even appeal to you (could you tell me how you got to that point??!)  But, I would encourage you to check other areas of your life that you may be ignoring an “inconvenient truth”…perhaps you know that your teenager is disobedient in the music they listen to…or the friends they hang out with.   You know that no good can come of that behavior.  But it is easier just to ignore it.  Because you are tired of the battle.

Or maybe you are a spender.  You go to the store and the beautiful merchandise calls your name.  When you are swiping a credit card, it is so easy to forget that you will have to pay for that later.  You ignore the truth that you will eventually have to pay for that item.

Or perhaps you are really struggling with a sin in your life.  Or you have a decision to make.  Or perhaps you need to forgive someone.   God gives us the wisdom for life in His Word.  And, yet, we ignore it.  We would much rather “discuss it”  or read the latest bestseller on how to help ourselves.

Or perhaps there is someone who has sinned against you or offended you deeply…they may not even know it.   And instead of talking it through with that person, you have made the choice to just ignore it.  Which is fine, if you are truly letting it roll off of your back.  But, instead, many of us dwell on it, until anything that person does becomes irritating to us.  They cannot even open their mouths without annoying us.   We are ignoring the truth that loving confrontation  heals relationships.

Romans 2: 5-11  says “But in accordance with your hardness and your impenitent heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God, ⁶ who “will render to each one according to his deeds”:^{[a] 7} eternal life to those who by patient continuance in doing good seek for glory, honor, and immortality; ⁸ but to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness—indignation and wrath, ⁹ tribulation and anguish, on every soul of man who does evil, of the Jew first and also of the Greek; ¹⁰ but glory, honor, and peace to everyone who works what is good, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. ¹¹ For there is no partiality with God.” (emphasis mine)

We have a responsibility to pay attention to the truth in every area of our lives.  Not just the convenient ones.  Not just the doctrinal ones.  But every area.   It is my prayer that I will never let my guard down again.  That I will never again ignore any truth.  But, given my very unhealthy past month, it would appear I have a lot yet to learn!

The Book of Psalm abounds with verses about truth.   In conclusion, I will leave you with a few–

Psalm 51:6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts,And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.

Psalm 86:15 But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious,Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.

Psalm 91:4 He shall cover you with His feathers,And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler.

Psalm 119:30 I have chosen the way of truth;Your judgments I have laid before me.

Psalm 119:151 You are near, O LORD,And all Your commandments are truth.

Psalm 119:160 The entirety of Your word is truth,And every one of Your righteous judgments endures forever.