Struggles – Page 18 – Growing 4 Life

How Do Two Sinners Affair-Proof a Marriage?

Leave a Comment / April 25, 2014 April 25, 2014

I am absolutely floored by the number of affairs that take place among Christian couples. For some reason, I have become privy to information I’d just rather not know in several instances. Past affairs and present affairs have made their way to my ears. My naivete in this area is pretty much gone. I am now aware that this problem is absolutely rampant in the church today. But it really isn’t talked about very much, is it?

Of course, as I have become aware of this, the first question that comes to mind is “What about my marriage?” How healthy is it, really? For, of course, when you see couples whom you assumed were very healthy struggling in this way, it can be extremely frightening.

And the thing is– my husband and I are both sinners. We struggle with being selfish and unkind and busy and thoughtless. So how do you keep a marriage of two sinners affair-proof?

As I have pondered this over the past several months, the following things came to mind as ways to keep our marriage on a healthy path–

1. Both husband and wife need to be solidly committed to God. This is priority number one. Committed to following Him with their whole heart. Committed to obeying His Word. When this is not in place, a multitude of problems arise.

2. Both husband and wife need to be, unconditionally, committed to one another. When marriage vows are disregarded and divorce is viewed as an option, suddenly the marriage seems less sacred and, therefore, more disposable.

3. Humility is key. I have been struck over and over again in my reading of the Old Testament this year just how important humility is before God. Pride wreaks great destruction, not only personally, but also relationally. It rears its ugly head in countless ways — an unforgiving heart, an unwillingness to apologize, an insatiable desire to always prove “I” am right, and a desire to always have my own way. When one party lacks humility, a relationship cannot function as a unified unit, but instead it is fractured. It may just be a crack in the foundation, but it weakens the relationship substantially.

4. No secrets. My husband and I developed this practice long ago. We do not keep secrets from one another. In fact, I tell others not to share anything with me that they want kept from my husband. He, in turn, shares with me what he learns at board meetings, business meetings, and in conversations. While we know others disagree with this and find it unnecessary, we have found that, instead of it weakening our relationship, it has kept us unified, has helped us find perspective outside of our own narrow view, and has strengthened us to face personal problems. Of course, this will not work if the other party is not trustworthy. No secrets is only possible if the other person knows how to keep their mouth closed around other people. You can not have a no secrets relationship with a gossip.

5. Make couple time a priority. You hear this often, I’m sure. Plan a weekly or monthly date. Get away for a weekend. Okay, so let’s be honest. This is NOT possible for many of us. We hardly have time to breathe, much less find time for a weekly or monthly date, so then we throw our hands up in despair and give up! DON’T DO THAT. Think outside the box. When we were in our busiest years raising kids, we found time by just sitting quietly in the evening talking about our days. We’d spend at least 30 minutes in the evening just talking to one another. It kept us glued together in the craziness of owning a business and raising kids. And, honestly, we still do this. It isn’t ever planned. It just happens. I may saunter over to our business office next door, where my husband is working overtime and we will just fall into easy conversation for awhile. We are still best friends after all these years and it is mostly because we have made time to continue to really know and understand one another.

6. Continue to show small kindnesses and express love, even when you do not feel like it, out of obedience to the Lord. Let’s face it, sometimes our feelings are just not in cooperation with what we know we should do. So we need to plow ahead, recognizing that sometimes feelings come later. We need to be 100% committed to doing what we know is right, no matter how we feel.

Aahhh, I read the list above and I know how we have failed in our marriage. But it seems as if you really have a heart to serve and submit to God in humility, He steps up and provides so much grace and mercy in this area. I know that writing this makes us even more susceptible to problems in our relationship, as Satan seems to like nothing better than to see a Christian look like a hypocrite. I can’t stand before you here and promise it will never happen to me because I really don’t know. What I do know is that God is faithful and whatever happens, He can turn it into something for His Glory.

To those of you who have been through (or are going through) an affair, my heart bleeds for you. I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you have endured (or continue to endure). I pray that God heals your marriage, but, most importantly, that He continues to draw you to Himself.

You may be married to a spouse who isn’t committed to the Lord at all. In these instances, we have to keep praying. God, in His grace and mercy, has the power to draw that person to Himself. Be the best marriage partner you can be (I Peter 3:3) and let the rest up to God.

Life is so complicated, isn’t it? It is not cut and dried and marriages go through stages. Some are like a pleasant ride in the country and some stages feel like we are traveling through a typhoon of grief, busyness, or difficulties. Let’s hang on through it all, so that we Christians can show that God really does make a difference in this area of marriage. He will work in and through us and we will bring honor and glory to His name by having a healthy marriage.

If you find this post encouraging and helpful, would you please share it? Thank you so much!

My Four Mirrors

2 Comments / March 27, 2014 March 27, 2014

When I had babies so many years ago, I don’t think that I fully realized something.

Wait– let me rephrase that. I know that I absolutely did not realize something.

Each one of my babies– in one way or another– would mirror some of my own worst sinful traits and most annoying habits.

They say that kids change you. And that is certainly true. And, quite honestly, I expected to be changed. It was coming face to face with my own sin on a daily basis that I wasn’t quite expecting.

I have great kids. I am so blessed. But almost every day, I will spot a bit of selfishness or anger or backbiting or gossip, and, while with my mouth I am “encouraging them” to stop what they are doing, inside I am frustrated because I know–as sure as I know the sun will rise again tomorrow– where they learned that behavior.

It is rather interesting to me that, as parents, we often have the toughest time getting along with the kid(s) that are just like us. Could it possibly be because of this dynamic? These kids that are like us force us to come face to face with our sin almost every day. And we don’t like that. It irritates and frustrates us. Our pride is hurt over and over again, because we know we haven’t conquered this sin in our lives and now we’ve condemned our children to struggle with it for the rest of theirs.

Could that possibly be part of the reason?

Whatever the reason, I do believe that, instead of growing frustrated, we need to humble ourselves and recognize the sin in our own lives, while we do the necessary task of raising our children.

How important it is that we do not pretend we are perfect while we discipline our children, while all involved — children, spouse– knows full well we are not.

Life is changing now for me. My kids are young adults and my role looks quite different. And the mirrors grow so much clearer. I can see some of the struggles and battles they are going to face because of the example I set. And I feel like a failure.

But, then I remember God’s grace and the victories over sin I have experienced through the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. No, not perfection, but victories. I am not the same person now that I was twenty years ago. God is slowly, but surely, sanctifying me and making me look more like Jesus.

And I know that, through their obedience to God’s Word and the supernatural working of the Holy Spirit in their lives, my much beloved children will also have that same victory in their lives as they mature.

Now my main job is to pray.

If you like this post and believe it would be an encouragement to others, I would very much appreciate if you would share it. Thank you! :)

But Why, God?

2 Comments / March 24, 2014 March 24, 2014

Something terrible happened over the weekend to a really nice family. I don’t know them all that well, but I do know that, from my purely human point of view, they certainly didn’t deserve this tragedy in their lives.

I found myself really questioning the goodness of God as I tried to sort through all of this in my mind. Bad things happen to godly people. We know this is a fact of life. And, yet, sometimes, it just hits us and our spirit cries out to the Lord, asking “But why, God?”

It wasn’t that I was questioning Him. I know (in my head) that He is good all the time. And I know that He loves this family and that hasn’t changed because He has allowed this tragedy in their lives. But my heart was having a really hard time wrapping itself around the why. What good purpose could this possibly have?

I don’t have the answer to that. Just like good purposes and lessons learned do not always show forth through the hard moments and difficult times in my own life, I may never know why this family has suffered so.

But God knows. I try to remember that He sees the whole tapestry, while I only see a tiny speck of it. One tiny dot in the scope of all of time in the whole world. I can’t help but realize that I really know nothing and should not judge God based on my very limited perspective.

As I was pondering all of this, I just “happened” to read the following in a *fiction book I am reading–

“See, typically we measure goodness by whether we like something or not. I like this, so it’s good. I don’t like that, so it’s not good. We can do this with God, pretty easily, in fact. If He does something we like or agree with, then He’s good. If He does something or allows something we don’t like, we’re not so sure anymore. We won’t usually say it out loud; that would be impolite. But we can go there in our hearts. And once we do, we start to pull away from the Lord . Do you think that could have happened here?”

And this–

“God doesn’t just do good, Shawn. He is good. His goodness flows from his very nature. Because we don’t always understand what He’s doing, some of it doesn’t seem good to us. But that’s where our faith comes into play. We must believe, as Paul says, that God is working all things together for our good. In time, His goodness and good purposes will become clearer to us. But it can take time.”

Wow. A sermon to me right in the middle of a novel, just when I needed it. And people say there is no personal God? I beg to differ.

Of course, that last sentence — about His purposes becoming clearer in time–while that is sometimes true, it isn’t always true, is it? Sometimes we will never find out this side of heaven.

But how convicted I was by that first thought— Wasn’t I judging God’s goodness based on my perception of what is good? Only God knows the ramifications of any tragedy. He knows whose hearts will be touched and what seeds will be planted. He knows the spiritual growth that will take place and the relationships that will be changed. We can’t see it all, because we are limited by time and our own perspectives. I keep coming back to that word “limited”.

And I realized something — how dare I judge God based on my own limited and humanly flawed knowledge? How dare I? Who do I think I am, anyway?

I remember a friend once saying that she believes it is actually a sin to question God and to ask why. I am not sure about that, but I do believe that if we don’t come to a place of utter submission to His will after our initial and natural questioning, we will struggle all of our lives in our relationship with Him. It is about sovereignty and submission. Very very unpopular words in this culture we find ourselves.

And, interestingly enough, as I was thinking through all of this, another friend who is going through an extremely difficult time in her life shared with me a really amazing way she has seen the Lord take her tragedy and bring someone to Himself because of it. Now if that isn’t an encouragement to keep trusting, I don’t know what is.

But, no matter what outcomes we do or do not see, scripture teaches us that we are to keep submitting and trusting, knowing that our heavenly Father loves us and will keep us in His care, no matter what we face (I Peter 5:7; Lamentations 3:25; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

*Walsh, Dan (2010-06-01). Homecoming, The: A Novel (Kindle Locations 3581-3584 & 3588-3591). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Building and Protecting

Leave a Comment / February 24, 2014 February 24, 2014

We humans want the easy way. Water always flows in the path of least resistance. The river flows downstream. It’s easier to walk down a hill than up a hill. It’s easier to sit on the couch than it is to get up and exercise. This is life.

This past weekend our landscape company took three and a half days to set up a huge garden display at a garden show. It took hours and hours of preparation and many man hours to get it set up just right. Every plant was placed with care, every block laid carefully, and the covering of mulch was perfected. By Thursday afternoon we were all pleasantly exhausted, knowing that we had done our best and it looked great. It was very rewarding.

Of course, that feeling of reward lasted only a few brief days. Today–just three short days after we put it all up– we tore it all down in a few hours.

I just can’t help but think about the similarity of this to life. Almost everything worth having is going to cost us something — hard work, sacrifice, self-denial, etc. Healthy bodies, healthy marriages, healthy families, healthy budgets do not happen with an “easy” button.

And all of that hard work and sacrifice — for a healthy body, a healthy marriage, a healthy family, a healthy budget– can be utterly destroyed in a few brief moments.

Building something takes months, sometimes years. We have to carefully protect that for which we have worked so hard!

This is why it is so important that we be on guard at all times, keeping our feet firmly rooted in the soil of God’s Word, so that we can withstand temptation. It says in I Corinthians 10:13 that there will always be a way of escape for any temptation we face. But if we are not walking in the Spirit, learning God’s Word, then we have no right to expect that way of escape.

And so the concrete space that was a beautiful garden just a few short hours before today gives evidence to the fact that building up takes much more effort than tearing down. It’s a great reminder for all of life.

The Very Easy Extremely Hard Way to Stand Out

2 Comments / February 17, 2014 February 17, 2014

When we Christians talk about standing out as salt and light in the world, many different things come to mind–

We need to love, for the world hates.

We need to be peacemakers, for the world is full of anger.

We need to love righteousness, for the world loves evil.

We need to be pure, for the world is dirty.

But God has been teaching me that there is another way that we need to stand out to the world around us. May I suggest that one easy {but extremely hard} way to stand out is to–

Rest calmly with a heart of gratitude in God’s sovereignty, for the world complains…and complains…and complains.

What a testimony this is to unbelievers.

And, if we are honest, how rare for Christians to do this.

Well, let me speak for myself. Maybe you have this down, but I certainly do not. For instance, when someone I know well asks me how I am today, it is very normal for me to begin a conversation by mentioning something that is wrong in my life right now. I try to put a positive spin on it, but it is still a thinly veiled complaint and I know it and God knows it.

I am reading through the Bible this year (yes, pleeease hold me accountable! I am determined to finish it! I would so appreciate an e-mail now and again asking me how I am doing!) and I have been very struck by how God handled the Israelites when they complained. In several incidents, the punishment was–get this–DEATH. They were struck down forever via plagues and fire and snakes because of a complaining spirit (Numbers 11:1-3; 21:4-6). Now there were times that they complained that God had mercy (Exodus 15-18) and supplied these whining people with their requests. But the Israelites seemed to make complaining a habit and it is obvious that God took this very seriously.

As I reflect on the seriousness of this sin, I wonder how often I complain without even realizing it? This winter, especially, I think there are many of us who are tired of the snow, tired of the cold, weary with being stuck inside, some of us caring for family members who are sick or perhaps we are fighting illnesses ourselves. If we aren’t careful, we may begin to believe that these kinds of moments in our lives give us the “right” to complain.

But if anyone had a right to complain, it would have been the Israelites. I don’t want to be too hard on them. Here I am in my warm, safe home with lots of variety to eat, modern medicine to help heal and comfort me, and technology to keep me entertained and I still complain. They were wandering in the hot desert and eating only manna and quail. I might have complained, too.

And, so, my conclusion is that we can truly stand out as a Christian if we do not complain. Instead, let us be motivated by a heart of gratitude. For it is impossible to speak a complaint and a thank you in the same breath. Let us be a light in this way to the very dark, incessantly complaining world around us. And, most importantly, let us remember that complaining is a very great offense to our Holy God.

Looking Back and Looking Forward

4 Comments / December 31, 2013 January 1, 2016

As another year draws to a close, I inevitably start looking to the new year. Budgets are again created for our household and business. I come up with personal goals having to do with my health, my home, and my walk with God. I suppose I am not alone in this past time. Many of us use this time to look forward and set goals. And while we don’t always get very far on our goals, budgets, and plans to lose weight, it is very important that we keep trying and working and praying. We can’t just give up.

One of the best starts to next year is first taking a few moments to reflect on last year. And so I decided to ask myself a few questions–

Am I closer to the Lord now than I was last year at this time?

What did I do that matters for eternity this past year?

Do I look more like Jesus right now than I did one year ago? Five years ago? Twenty years ago?

You may think I am a little obsessed with the spiritual side of things and I guess you would be right. As I get older, I can’t help but realize that it is really the only thing — long-term– that matters. And, quite honestly, out of my good spiritual health flows other good things–better relationships, self-control, joy.

But we can never manipulate God. And so it can never be our desire to have good spiritual health so that we can get what we want out of life. There is such a push to fulfill ourselves and find our purpose that we can sometimes forget that our purpose is to glorify God. As a believer, my desire is to please Him, not myself.

This takes me back to my goals for the new year. Am I creating these goals for me? Or do I have pleasing God in mind?

I can honestly say that –while there is an element of selfishness in them — more and more I become acutely aware of the fact that lack of self-control is a sin. And this is the main reason why I don’t stop trying to lose weight, to stick to a budget, and to stop wasting time.

God has given me (and you) some incredible resources. The three I specifically think of are our body, our time, and our money. If we don’t intentionally care for these resources they can be frittered away into nothingness (or in the case of our bodies — be enlarged into a great something!)

And this has been my experience on more occasions than I care to admit. And so I keep setting goals. But I try to set them in light of my spiritual health.

Because I want to serve and honor Jesus in this new year. And I cannot do that if I am lacking self-control in my life.

I know lots of people have given up on setting “New Year’s Resolutions”. But I want to encourage you to take a few minutes today for reflection. The new year is a great time to reflect on the past year and to set hopeful goals for the new year. But let’s set those goals with the Lord in mind. And let’s remember that Jesus is by our side as we fight against the sin and bad habits that so easily beset us, ready to strengthen and help us.

Isaiah 41:10

I Corinthians 10:13

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Psalm 46:1

Candy Crush Madness

2 Comments / December 15, 2013 December 15, 2013

It all started with an innocent question asked by a friend.

“Do you play Candy Crush?”

I don’t like to waste a lot of time playing iPad games, but I do enjoy a half hour in the evening to wind down and I was in need of something new and fresh. I thought I’d check into it.

At first, I sailed through the levels, enjoying the challenge of moving the little candies into rows of three. It reminded me of the original Bejeweled game, which I loved and no longer exists (to my knowledge). And so, about a week ago, Candy Crush became my game of choice.

As I moved up in levels, it became increasingly harder to pass. And if you failed so many times, a message would pop up, telling you that you would have to wait for so many minutes before playing again.

But, lo and behold, this could be avoided by paying for extra lives. Or extra treats to help beat the levels. Only $.99.

Now, I like to play games but I’ll be darned if I am paying anything to beat a level. That seems almost dumber than gambling. At least in gambling there is a slight chance to come away with more than what you put in. Apparently there are plenty of people who do pay, however. A website claims that Candy Crush makers rake in almost a million per day from people who pay to play.

So, if I wasn’t going to pay, how was I going to beat this thing? Well, at first I figured out that if I changed the date on my iPad, I could continue playing. It would fool the game into thinking that my “Life” stash was full again. Great. Now I could just play.

But, alas, I got to a very, very difficult level. I just kept playing and playing the same board, all the while telling myself how utterly ridiculous I was to waste time on this. But, finally, I passed that level and then went onto the next level. I passed that one after only a few tries.

And then I got to one that truly appeared impossible.

I kept playing and playing and the screen, offering the little treats for only $.99 became more and more appealing. Just once wouldn’t hurt, right?

Failed again.

Surely, I can get this. I continued to waste time trying to beat a level that I am still not sure it was even possible to beat without paying anything.

And then I realized something.

I had been fully sucked in. And I decided to escape while I still could. (How in the world would I explain Candy Crush charges to my husband??)

And, so I exited the game, deleted it from my iPad, and chose to move on with a more productive use of my time.

But my time spent on that game showed me one thing.

It showed me just how we get sucked in to sinful habits.

You see, at first it doesn’t cost much. There is a great deal of satisfaction and no payment–

~One cocktail or beer relaxes us and helps with our conversation skills.

~A few minutes looking or listening or thinking about something ungodly doesn’t seem to hurt a thing and gratifies something fleshly inside of us.

~A few minutes at a gaming table is all great fun.

~An evening spent playing video games is a fun evening with friends.

~Eating a pastry that is loaded with calories just melts in your mouth.

That first taste doesn’t cost us anything and the rewards are great. But, if we aren’t careful–if we aren’t self-controlled–we can get caught up in the rewards and we need more and more to yield the same feelings of satisfaction. That is what addiction is and it can happen with almost anything.

I think it is clear that there isn’t any sin in having a drink or a delicious pastry. There is no sin in spending the evening playing video games (if it is a video game that is not dishonoring to God in any way). But if we become compelled to have more and more, we will get caught in a web that becomes almost impossible to escape from.

Self-Control. A highly under-rated character trait that has almost disappeared from our world. I can tell you that it is one that I struggle with daily.

But if we don’t cultivate self-control in our lives–if we aren’t even aware of the battle– we will, at the very least, end up wasting our time on unimportant, trivial things, or, at the worst, end up destroying our family, our health, or our very lives.

And, so it is good-bye to Candy Crush for me. It is so not worth it. Glad I found out before I wasted too many of the few precious hours that make up my life. Now…to apply that same philosophy to a few other areas of my life that need some work!

The Missing Piece

6 Comments / December 8, 2013 December 8, 2013

So I realized something today. One of the reasons I have felt so uninspired in my blog post writing recently is because I have been so worried about offending people. I think I was, unconsiously, trying to gain a bigger readership and found myself avoiding subjects that would cause Christians to squirm. You see, I had become aware of the fact that my most popular posts were/are the “feel good” posts. The posts about God working and providing. The posts about love. The posts about missions and outreach and caring for others.

And don’t get me wrong. Those posts are important. But that is only half of the Christian life. And sometimes we have to hear the hard stuff.

And one of those hard things is something that, seemingly, no Christian wants to even talk about. It’s so much a part of our way of life these days that this has become a non-issue for many believers. And yet it is rendering many of us completely ineffective in our witnesses to the world.

So what is it?

Let me give you a hint: the main river of this flows from Hollywood.

Yep. You guessed it. It is what the world calls “Entertainment”.

The problem here isn’t really what the world is entertained by. Obviously, the world is not living by the same book we are.

No, the great worry for me is that Christians are watching it, enjoying it, and, even worse yet, not seeing anything wrong with it.

How incredibly grieved God must be.

This post is the result of a conversation I had with one of my children regarding a recent gathering she had with her friends. I do not want to give details because it is not my information to offer, but suffice it to say that these kids who are filling their heads with garbage are now starting to live it and see nothing wrong with it.

You think that filling your mind with pictures of adultery and fornication and naked, writhing bodies doesn’t affect you? You think seeing people shoot another human without blinking doesn’t affect you? You think that hearing God’s name in vain and the F-word a thousand times in one film doesn’t affect you?

Well, I think you’re naive.

It does affect you. I know this because of how hardened the hearts of Christians have become to sin, as evidenced by this group of “Christian” young people who have now started acting upon what they see and thinking it is all a big joke.

And my question is WHY? Why is this even a conversation among Christians? Why is the choice to practice discernment in this area so abnormal? Why do Christians get so much flack and criticism from other Christians when they choose to practice purity in this area of their lives?

We know FOR A FACT that God hates all sexual sin (I Corinthians 6:18), violence (Psalm 11:5), coarse and crude language, lying (Colossians 3:6-9), drunkenness, and witchcraft of any type (Galatians 5:19-21).

And, yet, on any given evening, many Christians are watching shows and movies that not only contain these things that grieve the heart of God, but are filled with them.

Oh, some of the plots are good — I’ll give you that. Satan is not stupid. Of course, they have to be good. It helps to draw you in. But is a good plot worth the sacrifice of grieving our heavenly father?

It’s just not.

So, I guess my question is this: How much do we really love God?

Do we love Him enough to sacrifice our favorite TV show?

Do we love Him enough to say no to a movie, even though all of our friends are going?

Do we love Him enough to pass by that very popular video game that is all about violence or that bestseller that is based on the principles of witchcraft?

Does our love run that deep for our Savior?

Yes, true Christianity is about love and caring for the needy. But it’s also about being different. It’s about being a light in a very, very dark world.

Maybe our addiction to worldly entertainment is the thing that has kept us from a close walk with the Lord. Maybe our decision to “join in the fun” drinking, partying, and living it up is what’s keeping our friend from knowing Jesus and having eternal life. Maybe our choice to fill our minds with things that grieve our God is the missing piece of the puzzle that keeps us from peace and joy in the Christian life.

Please, this is too important to ignore or to shrug off. If Satan can render you ineffective he has done his job. Don’t let that happen!

Keep Growing Up

Leave a Comment / November 21, 2013 November 21, 2013

The other day, as we were walking through a botanical garden, Eric pointed out a tree to me. This particular tree was about two or three feet in diameter and had obviously had some kind of terrible thing happen to it, for it was uprooted and the roots stuck out of the ground at one end.

But–for whatever reason– it had kept growing. It almost looked like an elbow or a knee joint, with half of the tree lying horizontally on the ground, but the other half somehow making a ninety degree angle and taking an incredible turn upwards towards the sky.

I don’t think either of us have ever seen anything quite like it (see my photo above). And, once again, we are awed by God’s creation and also its adaptability.

It made me think about humans and how adaptable some of us are. And also about how unadaptable some of us are.

Bad things–hard circumstances–toxic environments–difficult moments happen to us all. None of us are immune. And we have days or months–sometimes years– where we lie there with our roots sticking out all over the place, flat on the ground, catching our breath and trying to heal or maybe just survive.

But we all–just like that tree– should start growing upwards again. We shouldn’t just lie there forever.

Of course, part of that tree will always be lying flat against the ground. It has become part of what it is. It didn’t magically dig its roots back in the soil and lift up its entire trunk upwards. No, instead, very slowly, just a little each year, it started growing upwards.

We need to do that same thing. We can’t eliminate our scars. But we can make sure that we are growing the right direction. It will be a slow process– no doubt about that.

And it is a choice. A choice to think the right thoughts and do the right things. It is a choice to turn away from bitterness and unforgiveness and anger. It is a choice to forgive and to love so that you can start growing in the right direction again. And, most of all, it is the choice to yield our wills and desires to our heavenly Father’s, the One who knows everything.

We will all probably be knocked flat on our back at some time or other. The key is growing back in the right direction.

Impatience Is Not a Virtue

Leave a Comment / October 24, 2013 October 24, 2013

Inevitably, we run into the same problem every spring within our landscaping company. Everyone wants their patios and outdoor fireplaces and retaining walls built immediately. They are excited about the upcoming season and want to put their exciting plans for an outdoor living space in motion as soon as possible.

But here’s the problem: hardscaping is a job that requires skill and education, and so we only have a handful of men qualified in this company to take a job from start to finish. We have divided them into two crews. That means that we can only work on two projects at a time. As we are well-known and trusted in the area, we usually end up with a pretty long waiting list for installs. We try to tell people we are worth the wait, but, occasionally, some of them get impatient and won’t wait. I can understand their frustration. But that frustration can lead to a big mistake.

They call a guy who is just getting started (or an old guy who is starting a new business with a new name for the 5th time!) and hire him. These guys do not generally have a waiting list and can often start jobs immediately. Now, let me preface all of this by saying that a few of these guys are good, honest guys who do quality work to the best of their ability. But that is not the norm. Many of them are uneducated without proper insurance at best and complete shysters at worst.

As my husband always says: If someone can be there right away (or even in two weeks) in the springtime, they are probably not a very quality company.

Ironically, this decision has often ended up causing people great stress and, most times, even more frustration than they started with.

Take, for example, two recent situations where Eric was approached for a price to fix the shoddy work of these types of incompetent contractors. In both cases, the customers are also out quite a bit of money and one is looking at a lawsuit to try and retrieve at least some of it. These are not the first jobs that we have entered midstream because of this reason.

You see, patience sometimes is necessary in order to get a beautiful product that will last for a lifetime. There is so much more to hardscaping than throwing down pavers. There is great care needed in laying the proper base, great importance in using the right materials and tools, and careful precision needed in making the right cuts. Does the person you want to hire have specific training for this job and the proper insurances and equipment? These are critical questions before hiring a contractor.

So why am I writing about this on a devotional blog? Or do you already see the correlation?

We live in a world that wants everything right away. We do not want to wait for anything. And so we make mistakes.

Sometimes they are home-related –like hiring a shyster who can start right away instead of waiting for a respected and trust-worthy contractor.

Sometimes our mistakes are financial –like wasting hundreds of dollars at a casino or on lottery tickets trying to make quick, easy money instead of working hard and investing wisely.

Sometimes these mistakes are made by young singles –like marrying an unbeliever instead of waiting for a godly spouse.

And sometimes they are made as families –like settling for the first, comfortable {and compromising} church we visit rather than carrying out a thorough search for a church that is teaching sound biblical doctrine.

But all of these mistakes are also spiritual. How come?

I guess what I see as a common thread here is self-centeredness driven by feelings. When we aren’t willing to wait on an outcome, even though that outcome would be better and yield much higher dividends and rewards in the long run, then we are operating on feelings. And feelings are just never good things on which to base decisions.

Don’t get me wrong, feelings hold some weight. But when faced with a decision, it is best to look at all of the possible options with all of the possible outcomes. And then, pushing the impatient feelings aside, we make the wisest decision we can with the information we have.

There is no doubt that decision-making can be excruciatingly hard. But we should never base any decision on our feelings of impatience and frustration.