Life – Page 19 – Growing 4 Life

When You Feel Like a Loser

5 Comments / March 9, 2015 August 14, 2023

Failure. Loser. Unimportant. Irrelevant.

A couple of weekends ago, all of these words came to my mind and I was using them to describe myself. It was just one of those weekends, if you know what I mean.

I made a lot of mistakes and also realized that I had made some pretty serious mistakes in the past that I am fairly powerless to fix. I questioned my purpose and the reason for my existence. Who even cares?

Sure, these are pretty serious questions and no, I am not looking for anyone to fill the comment section below with praises and compliments.

Instead, I want to know what the biblical response should be when I feel like a loser. I know what the world says–Love Yourself. Be Kind to You. You are Beautiful. You Can Do Anything.

But is this what the Bible teaches me?

When I search the Bible for a command to love myself, I can only find verses that assume that I already do–

Leviticus 19:18; Matthew 19:19; Matthew 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:27; Romans 13:9; Galatians 5:14; James 2:8.

These verses all–without exception– say the same thing: To love my neighbor as myself. This shows us that we already love ourselves.

And I recognize that when I fall into self-pity, it is because I love myself, not that I need to love myself more.

But Paul tells us in Philippians 1:21 that to live is Christ.

And further on in Philippians (3:8) we read Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.

Usually, when I feel like a loser it is because my focus isn’t on Christ, but it’s on me. I have started worrying about my glory, my popularity, my feelings, and, mostly, my hurt pride.

So I have to make the difficult effort to turn my eyes from me and put them back on Jesus. I have to very purposefully remove my focus from my hurt, humility, shame, and mistakes and instead remember my true purpose as taught in God’s Word– to glorify God and to make Him known.

This can be very difficult, can it not?

And, yet, when we do so, it changes everything.

How can we practically do this?

I had a friend show me a really good example. She was feeling down and depressed. She wasn’t sure how to get out of the familiar cycle. I rather offhandedly suggested that she do something nice for someone else. And did she ever! She organized a drive to raise funds to encourage and bless a struggling family. By the time she had finished this project her blues had left and she was feeling stronger again.

Doing things for others naturally removes our focus from self.

I guess Philippians 2:3-4 says it best–

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

I know that the world is telling us differently. It is telling us to focus more on ourselves. But this is not what the Bible teaches. Instead, we are to be, with great effort, removing our eyes from ourselves and placing them purposefully on Christ, so that we can be used for His purposes and His glory.

And, ironically, when we actually do this, we become filled with incomparable joy and peace. It really is amazing, isn’t it? God receives His glory and at the same time gives us the peace and joy we long for so much.

A Journey Through the Wilderness

Leave a Comment / March 5, 2015 March 5, 2019

Wilderness– an uncultivated, uninhabited, and inhospitable region.

Sometimes I think we forget just how amazing the Israelites’ trek through the wilderness really was–

God provided direction.

God provided food.

God provided water.

God provided the necessary laws to keep the people unified.

God protected them.

This is a good reminder, isn’t it? Because sometimes we find ourselves in our own wilderness and we feel so abandoned.

Traveling through a wilderness is difficult. Whatever your trial may be, grieving, longing, fighting, hopelessness are all part of the process.

Is there anything we can learn from the Israelites about traveling through the wilderness?

1. Complaining not only doesn’t accomplish anything, it also displeases God. In fact, so much so that some people were put to death for it. (Numbers 11:1-3) Were you as shocked as I was that God dealt with complaining so harshly?? And, yet, so often we complain without a second thought. This passage certainly gives us cause to pause before opening our mouth to voice our displeasure, does it not?

2. We need to keep our deepest affection placed on God alone. God kept Moses on a mountain and the people grew restless. Finally, they begged Aaron to build them a golden calf to worship. After the way they had seen God work to bring them out of Egypt, they so quickly turned to worship an idol. Seems impossible, doesn’t it? And yet, how quickly we turn our affections to other things– trying to medicate ourselves from the pain of the trial we are experiencing. Alcohol, gluttony, materialism, entertainment, gambling, and love affairs are all ways we try to escape our pain, aren’t they? And sometimes we even turn to a legitimate, really good thing, such as our children or our church work or ministry and they capture our affections and provide the much needed escape from reality, giving us the security and self-esteem that we long for so desperately.

The really interesting thing is that when we love God first and foremost, we actually live such a fuller, more meaningful life. The good things of life and work God has called us to do become more productive, there is peace knowing we are in His will, and our lives glorify God.

But giving up the idols that capture our soul is a painful process. One that is so very worth it, but so very difficult.

3. We must follow God’s direction. The Israelites had it easy, didn’t they? They followed the cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night. It was so obvious when they should pack up and go and when they should stay. Sometimes I wish my life could be directed so plainly. But, alas, it’s not.

But maybe it is.

All the direction we need can be found in God’s Word. There is such an insatiable desire for supernatural experiences and visions, but are they really necessary? Personally, I think that all of this hearing from God is mostly counterfeit. God’s Word holds so much about His will for our lives and most of us just don’t want to follow what it says.

We are to forgive (Matthew 6:15). But we just don’t want to.

We are to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44). But that’s too hard, Lord.

We are to think of others before ourselves (Philippians 2:3-4). But that’s not what the world says.

We are to be holy and separate from the world (I John 2:15-16). But that’s no fun!

We are to be share the gospel (Matthew 28:19-20). But then people might think I am strange.

We are to exercise self-control and temperance. (I Corinthians 6:19-20) But I just want one more piece of that chocolate cake and then I’ll start eating more healthy tomorrow.

We are to keep our hearts focused on eternity, instead of the here and now (Matthew 6:20-21). But I really want to drive a car that’s just a little better than my neighbor’s…

And, so, because we don’t want to follow the plain will of God, we instead turn towards the vague, supernatural feelings and “words” we hear. They are so much more pleasant and easy to swallow.

But that’s not how Christianity works. And so, following God’s direction and living in the center of His will is doable and certainly not dependent on any special revelation from God. Of course, it is not always what we want to do.

But avoiding dire consequences as we travel through the wilderness is very much dependent on us doing things God’s way.

4. We must trust God to provide. Multiple times through their journey in the wilderness, the Israelites panicked about their situation. Where are we going to get water? What are we going to eat? What are doing to do? And yet, each and every time, God provided. It may not have been in the way they wanted, but He did provide. Have you seen God do the same in your life? I know I have. Just when I think I can’t take one more step in my personal wilderness, He provides an encouraging word or makes the next step very clear. These moments are like an oasis for our souls, aren’t they? Just as God remained faithful to the Israelites, so He will do for us. God will not desert us.

And so we keep reading. I won’t deny that some of these Old Testament books are challenging for me. All of those names and laws. Wow. But God’s teaching us, isn’t He? This week, one of the things He has been teaching us is how not to respond as we take our own journey through the wilderness.

About Love

Leave a Comment / February 9, 2015 February 9, 2015

When I was a kid, life was a lot different. I can remember when Dad brought home our first microwave, our first VCR, and our first Video Game Console. I remember the Christmas as a young married woman when I received my first CD player. I was so excited! I didn’t know it at the time, but just like life had changed so drastically with the development of machines in the late 1800s, so would life change again in the late 1900s with the development of the computer.

One of those changes — a seemingly very minor one — is that instead of buying the whole album of our favorite artist to get the song we love, we can now just buy that one song. This option means we don’t have to buy the songs we don’t like. But I wonder if it doesn’t also mean that we miss a few we would really like?

Sometimes I think we approach love a little like that. We want to just experience the easy, good parts of love. Let me explain–

If we are a parent, the easy, fun parts are the hugs & kisses, the snuggling up at night and the “I love yous” and the proud moments when you get to say “I’m that kid’s parent!”

If we are a spouse, some of the good parts are when we are in complete harmony in purpose, holding hands and talking, looking across a room and knowing exactly what the other person is thinking.

If we are a son or a daughter, the good parts are the cool ways your parents take care of you even as an adult, or the friendship that has grown deeper with your older parents.

If we are a friend, the easy part is the connection we feel, the support we know we have, no matter what befalls us.

These are some of the best things about love. The joy that comes from interpersonal relationships.

But I wonder if, with the advent of all of this technology, we have become a little unrealistic in our expectations of love, thinking we can just pick the good times. Trying to hang on to “perfect”– just getting the pleasant experiences and bypassing the unpleasant ones.

It doesn’t take long to figure out that sometimes there are far more unpleasant ones than pleasant ones. We are all sinful human beings and life is hard–

As parents, we need to discipline and provide consequences for sinful behavior. We need to have hard conversations. We need to endure a few “I hate you!”s and quite a few seemingly hopeless moments that just aren’t any fun at all and certainly not easy. But that is love.

As spouses, we don’t always jive, we disagree, and we have periods of crazy, busy times where we hardly see each other. We argue, we fight, we lay in bed not talking. But this is just the hard part of love.

As adult children, we see our parents growing weaker, they need us to do things for them that they used to be able to do for themselves, we take them to dr appts, or do their finances, or change their diaper. But we remember how hard it must have been to raise us, and we do it because we genuinely love them with all our heart.

As friends, we disagree– sometimes on major things, our kids may fight or not get along, or we may move far away from each other, but if true love abounds, the friendship remains, because that is what true love does.

I just wonder if we have become so used to pulling only the good things and avoiding the bad things, that we have not experienced love in its fullest, most satisfying way. For when we walk away (physically or emotionally) from a tough situation, we are in essence saying that we don’t want the hard stuff.

Now, please don’t take this to the extreme. There are a few very legitimate reasons to walk away from certain relationships, at least for a time. But this is not the norm. Most relationships are broken because they just weren’t easy or fun anymore.

Many of those who walk away go on to start a new relationship that sours faster than the first one.

But true love accepts the bad stuff along with the good stuff. Rejection isn’t even an option. Divorce or abandonment aren’t even a passing thought in our brain. True love means commitment and work but, oh, the rewards are tremendous.

I have no idea if you are struggling in a relationship today. Many of us are. Don’t give in to the thoughts that tell you to quit and move on. Keep loving. Keep doing what’s right. Do what you can do and then pray. Hard. We can’t change the other person, but we can surely do all that we possibly can to salvage the troubling relationships in our lives.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (I Corinthians 13:13)

Seven Things to Learn from Job

4 Comments / January 29, 2015 January 29, 2015

If you are still reading the Bible Challenge, you are now in the book of Job. We are reading together as a family and if I may be honest, we had a conversation yesterday about the difficulty of reading this book. It is not really a narrative (aside from the first couple of chapters) and the style makes it hard to read. So I wanted to encourage you to keep going. And I was thinking about some lessons we can learn from this book, despite its flowery, hard-to-understand language–

1. God may allow trials in our lives to prove (or test) our faithfulness. At first, it’s tempting to wonder why God would let Satan torture Job is such a manner, isn’t it? And, yet, God had confidence in Job’s response to his trials and, through it all, Job’s understanding of God was deepened considerably.

2. There is a whole drama playing out which we cannot see or hear. Satan hasn’t stopped torturing and tempting believers and there is a spiritual battle that we are always fighting! Paul even talks about it in Ephesians 6, encouraging us to keep all pieces of armor firmly in place so we can stand and fight effectively!

3. God may use the trials in our lives to encourage others. I was thinking about the fact that here we are — in the year 2015– reading the true story of Job. Many Christians are comforted and gain great insight into their own difficult trials through this book. Job’s experience was not in vain.

4. Trials show us our true friends. Job’s friends certainly seemed judgmental and unkind. They did come to sit with him for seven days (Job 2:13) which I am sure was a cultural (but pretty cool) thing to do. So that’s good. But when they open their mouths, instead of comforting him, they accuse Job of great sin and tell him he needs to repent. His friends were short-sighted and arrogant, weren’t they? They had no idea the drama that was playing out above their heads. But if Job had sinned (which he didn’t) true friends don’t respond this way in a trial, do they? And, honestly, many of our trials are a direct result of a sinful choice or action. And it does need to be addressed. But it’s so much about timing and the great love with which we would choose to share such information that shows if we are a true friend. Job’s friends just didn’t seem all that loving to me. Like Job didn’t have enough problems without having to defend himself to his “friends”.

5. The book of Job shows us how not to respond to someone going through a trial. This piggy-backs off of number 3, so I won’t say anything else about his friends. But we also have his unsupportive wife (Job 2:9) who gives a great example of what not to do. For she tells Job to “curse God and die.” Doesn’t seem to be a great thing to say to someone who has lost everything.

6. Don’t judge too quickly. I can tend to judge Job’s wife pretty harshly for her words and wonder how a wife could be so unsupportive–until I remember that she had suffered terrible, terrible losses as well. She lost all of her children and her total way of life. In a day. There isn’t mention of grandchildren here but if all of the children were adults, there is even that possibility. Her pain must have been unbearable. And then her husband gets deathly sick on top of it all. I don’t know about you, but trials and tribulations and stressful times cause me to say things I don’t mean. I hope that these lone recorded words of Job’s wife just indicate a bad day. I think, given her situation, we should give her the benefit of the doubt and not be too hard on her. I think this is a good lesson to think about in our own here and now. People always do things or say thing for a reason. I have said many a foolish thing before thinking and hope for great grace in those situations. I desire to extend that same grace to those around me.

7. We need to keep reading, even when we don’t get it. Some of you by now are probably contemplating giving up reading through the Bible. You just didn’t realize it would be this hard. You may even be thinking it’s rather uninteresting. Please don’t give up. Remember the Bible Study Trap I wrote about? Go re-read this post if you don’t remember what it says. It’s important. We are reading to know more about God, not to entertain ourselves. And don’t underestimate the power of prayer. Pray for insight and keep going. I promise you that you will be glad you did!

This is certainly not an exhaustive list of things to be learned from the book of Job but just a few things I thought of as I have been reading. Have a great day and keep reading!

Unfinished Houses

4 Comments / January 26, 2015 January 26, 2015

As we traveled through the Ukrainian countryside, I took in the scenery with amazement. For there, dotting the countryside in great numbers, were unfinished houses. Some of these brick structures were only half-built, but most looked almost finished, slowly fading in the Ukrainian sunlight as they waited for owners to fill them with life.

When I expressed my wonderment at this unusual sight– for there were many of these houses, not just a few– whoever I asked just shrugged their shoulders and said that the owners ran out of money. Apparently, after the Soviet Union broke apart, these bricks and other building supplies were available at deeply discounted prices and so lots of people started building these beautiful homes. But a functioning house is much more than the lumber and bricks of its shell. And so funds ran out and the owners walked away.

Because they did not count the cost.

I was reminded of this incident a few weeks ago in our Sunday School class. We are doing the Radical series by David Platt and he was talking about Christianity as Jesus defines it in the Bible. It is very different from the cultural Christianity that demands nothing– that requires no sacrifice– that only needs a prayer to declare oneself as officially in the Lamb’s Book of Life. He used the following quote by John Stott. Actually, this is a bigger portion than he used, but it’s all so good, I wasn’t sure what to eliminate–

Jesus never concealed the fact that his religion included a demand as well as an offer. Indeed, the demand was as total as the offer was free. If he offered men his salvation, he also demanded their submission. He gave no encouragement whatever to thoughtless applicants for discipleship. He brought no pressure to bear on any inquirer. He sent irresponsible enthusiasts away empty. Luke tells of three men who either volunteered, or were invited, to follow Jesus; but no one passed the Lord’s test. The rich young ruler, too, moral, earnest and attractive, who wanted eternal life on his own terms, went away sorrowful, with his riches intact but with neither life nor Christ as his possession…The Christian landscape is strewn with the wreckage of derelict, half built towers—the ruins of those who began to build and were unable to finish. For thousands of people still ignore Christ’s warning and undertake to follow him without first pausing to reflect on the cost of doing so. The result is the great scandal of Christendom today, so called “nominal Christianity.” In countries to which Christian civilization has spread, large numbers of people have covered themselves with a decent, but thin, veneer of Christianity. They have allowed themselves to become somewhat involved, enough to be respectable but not enough to be uncomfortable. Their religion is a great, soft cushion. It protects them from the hard unpleasantness of life, while changing its place and shape to suit their convenience. No wonder the cynics speak of hypocrites in the church and dismiss religion as escapism…The message of Jesus was very different. He never lowered his standards or modified his conditions to make his call more readily acceptable. He asked his first disciples, and he has asked every disciple since, to give him their thoughtful and total commitment. Nothing less than this will do”
― John R.W. Stott, Basic Christianity

I guess the deeper my relationship grows with Jesus Christ, the more I realize that much of what passes today as Christianity isn’t really true Christianity. This is such an unpopular message. And I can understand why! Because true Christianity costs us something. Yes, it’s a free gift, but it costs everything. But when our hearts are changed by the power of the Holy Spirit, our lives are transformed. This isn’t a begrudging obedience to God’s laws — a list of do’s and don’t’s that plague us and keep us from having any fun.

Instead our stone hearts start beating with love for the Father and following His will not only becomes a pleasure, but our main priority.

This brand of Christianity sounds so foreign to most of us. Even as I write, I realize this. And I wonder– what does this mean for all of us in this day and age? How does this kind of Christianity look in a Western culture where indulgence and comfort reign supreme?

All I know is that I am not walking away from an unfinished house. I will keep working and building until I die or my Lord returns. Yes, it’s hard. And yes, there is sacrifice required. Great sacrifice. There is turning away from the world, being unpopular with people, doing what’s right at all costs. It means we love and forgive even when we don’t feel like it. It means we stand alone if we have to. And that our time and resources are no longer our own. This does not sound all that appealing, does it? But when we read in the New Testament, we can’t help but conclude that this is what it’s all about.This is what Jesus demands of His disciples.

And, honestly, the costs for us are really nothing compared to so many of our Christian brothers and sisters. I can’t help but think of them as they give up homes, loved ones, and even their lives for the sake of Christ. I can’t help but wonder how comfortable, indulged America would respond in the same situation. Oh, may we be found faithful if (or shall I say when?) that happens to us!

If you have started your house of faith but are ready to walk away, please don’t. If the enemy of your soul is throwing arrows and you are just so tired, hang in there. Open your Bible and read Ephesians 6, put on your armor, and beg the Lord for strength to keep going. Let’s keep our eyes focused on eternity instead of the here and now. And, remember, God’s great power is shown best through our great weakness. You aren’t alone. Don’t give up. Keep building.

Why didn’t I ever see this before?

4 Comments / January 22, 2015 January 23, 2015

I can’t imagine why I never noticed this before. I have read the story of Joseph and his brothers many times. And yet, I had never considered this one thing.

You see, I have always viewed this story from Joseph’s point of view. I have thought of how it would feel to be him—lonely, despised, framed, imprisoned. I have admired and respected his strong stand for God as he suffered many persecutions and rightly so.

But I missed one really important point. Until today.

When Joseph’s brothers traveled to Egypt for food they were completely unaware that their brother would be the one giving them food. But we know as we read the story how it ends. And today I realized that God took something completely evil and not only rewarded Joseph but rewarded the evil-doers! God used the brothers’ gross sin against Joseph and actually turned it into something good not only for Joseph but for the brothers, as well.

I just never thought about that before.

I mean we often trust God to use the evil, hurtful things against us for good, but I guess I never thought about the fact that God can take something I did that was sinful to bring about something good for me.

Doesn’t this give us a different perspective about our past?

I guess as I think about this, it does make sense. For some of us have had the same thing happen to us—

-Out of sexual immorality came a beautiful child.

-Out of a broken marriage or a stay in jail came eternal salvation.

-Out of a rebellious youth, where we chose to marry an unbeliever, God drew us to Himself and rescued both for His glory.

We have seen these occur. And we see how God plucks some (not all) from the mire and mess they have made and blesses them.

I don’t know the hearts of the brothers. We know by some of their conversation that selling Joseph has weighed very heavily on their hearts for a very long time. It would seem that they are extremely sorry about what they did. (Genesis 42:21-24)

And so could it be that God will not choose to bless us until we come to a point of repentance, where we admit our guilt?

And, once again, we come upon that word humility. If there is anything I have learned through my Old Testament readings it is how much God hates pride!

And so, let us remember that God can use even our most wicked sin and turn it into something good for us. But, first, we need to have a heart of repentance and humility.

Now, the following is specifically for my Bible Challenge readers–

I hope that you are sticking with me on the Bible Reading Challenge. By now, it may be getting rough. You have read things that don’t make any sense and you are struggling. Or life has happened and you are behind a couple of (or more) days. I want to encourage you to keep going! You will be so glad you did! I promise you this. I also want to encourage you to focus more on what you do understand and the lessons you are learning from these stories than on what you don’t understand. You won’t understand everything but that’s okay. Just keep reading. Remember we are reading to know and understand God better–it’s not about us or our enjoyment of what we are reading! It may be helpful for you to read (or re-read) the most common Bible Study Trap, at this point.

Thighs are jiggly in the real world

2 Comments / January 19, 2015 January 19, 2015

I saw a video on Facebook the other day that showed real women exercising. Their bodies weren’t perfect, their thighs jiggled, most had a little tummy, and they broke a real sweat. They looked like they were having a great time. It was a commercial put out by a foreign athletic company for the same reason that the Dove soap commercial came out a few years ago with Jamie Lee Curtis–to present the truth about women. And it was beautiful.

Sometimes I get so weary of trying to be perfect, don’t you? We are constantly barraged by photos on our computers, tablets, and smartphones that tell us we do not measure up. We’re not skinny enough, our houses aren’t beautiful enough, our kids aren’t perfect enough. There is always this elusive, impossible standard that hangs over our heads.

That standard didn’t really exist even 25 years ago. It was just starting to affect us. Now it can control us if we aren’t careful. A big problem in our pinterest-facebook-instagram world is the standards and expectations we set for ourselves because of the pictures we see.

It reminds me of a blog I landed on a few weeks ago. It was a young mom’s home and she had taken some holiday pictures of it that were gorgeous! She obviously has an eye for decorating and design. But even as I scrolled down through, I felt inadequate.

Now, don’t get me wrong– I don’t think there is anything necessarily wrong with posting beautiful pictures. Our world is a much more creative place now that the online world is filled with blogs and Pinterest. But, oh, how careful we need to be as we surf the online world.

Life is so much more than the pictures you see on social media. It’s full of jiggles and cellulite. It’s full of dirt and messes. It’s okay if our houses don’t look like they belong on a blog post. It’s okay if we have a little tummy pooch. Who in the world ever gave us the impression that’s it’s not? And why do we listen to them?

This post is not about losing weight or enjoying interior design but, instead, about trying to be someone we are not because of pictures we see. It’s about young, healthy moms who think they are overweight because they don’t look like the single girl they graduated with ten years ago. It’s about being discontent with our body shapes and our possessions. It’s a vicious cycle, isn’t it?

And if we get into that cycle of discontentment, all gratitude is gone. And without gratitude, we lose sight of our many blessings — a critical part of a healthy relationship with God.

We need to be careful of the subtle call of discontentment and view it for what it is and then take necessary steps to change it. Because life is just too short to try to be something we aren’t. Let’s instead live lives of joy and gratitude and turn to God’s Word for our standards of living. Because, in the end, the fruits of the spirit and a godly life will be so much more important than any external change we may have made.

I Timothy 4:8 For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.

Why Waiting Is Sometimes the Best Option

3 Comments / January 15, 2015 January 15, 2015

I think I may have done the same thing. It’s hard to know, isn’t it? But if my husband would have been promised heirs as numerous as the dust and I very obviously couldn’t have children, I may have tried to fix it, too. Because that’s what we humans do. We try to fix uncomfortable, inconvenient, unpleasant situations.

Only sometimes –many times– it backfires.

I couldn’t help but think of this as I read Genesis 16. If you are doing the Bible Challenge this year, you will have recently read (or will soon read) about Sarai giving her maid, Hagar, to Abram to bear children for her. In a culture like theirs we can’t conceive of giving our husband another woman, but that was a different time and place and Sarai was obviously desperate for a baby. So instead of waiting, she took matters into her own hands. As we read on, we see that her decision to do that not only caused heartache for her and her family, but caused strife and anguish for generations to come. She took matters into her own hands and many, many people suffered –and continue to suffer–because of it. For Ishmael is considered to be the ancestor of the Arab nation and this seems to be the birthplace of the historical strife between them and the Jews.

It is easy for me to sit back and point a finger at Sarai. How could she be so hasty and foolish to think she could fix a problem that only God could fix? And, yet, how often I am guilty of the same thing.

I have been known to rush in and try to “fix” my husband and my kids on many occasions. I have tried to fix situations at church and in my extended family. These efforts are usually not helpful and I have been slowly learning to back away and pray instead.

Of course, sometimes, God would lead us to confront someone (Matthew 1815-17) or to pull them from the fire (Jude 1:22-23) but this should only be done with much humility and after much prayer. There is a place for thinking outside of the box to solve problems and giving our energy to changing our own bad habits but human efforts should never be done impulsively or out of desperation. They should never take precedence over God’s will. And we should never, ever try to change someone else’s bad habits unless they ask for our help. Because I have learned that this is a completely fruitless and utterly hopeless task.

Of course, this is so easy to write about but much harder to put in place. For example–

The other day, I found myself growing extremely frustrated that once again my floor was filled with muddy footprints. I found myself in a bit of a panic, as Bible Study was going to be taking place in my home shortly and my family seemed to have no care about this, but continued to walk across my clean floor with their wet boots on. And so I took matters into my own hands and started yelling. Yeah, like that’s going to fix it. In my experience, yelling has never fixed anything. So why do I keep doing it?

Thankfully, this pathetic effort at trying to fix something in my life in the wrong way only humbled me and reminded me of my great sinfulness. I was absolutely mortified to be yelling at my family just before my friends walked in my house. And instead of fixing the situation, I had just made it worse.

Which is what usually happens when I try to fix something without praying and considering the ramifications beforehand.

And this was just a wrong response to a muddy floor– a tiny blip in the timeline of my life with no long-lasting consequences. I can’t imagine how Sarai must have felt after she tried to take matters in her own hands. A lifetime of strife would follow and she was to blame. Taking matters into our own hands can have minor consequences or they can have major ones, but there are always consequences.

And so perhaps we would be better off if we would wait quietly, taking time to consider and pray, bringing our baffling problems and unsolvable puzzles to the Lord instead of trying to impulsively fix them ourselves.

And the wonderful thing about doing this is that so many times, the Lord proves Himself so faithful in these situations! Even just recently, a friend shared how God worked in an absolutely astounding and surprising way to solve an impossible situation. For it’s only when we can’t solve it ourselves that we really see God work, just as He did in Sarai’s life by giving her baby Isaac. For, with God, nothing is impossible.

A Call to Prayer for Our Men

Leave a Comment / January 12, 2015 January 12, 2015

{my apologies that my subscribers are receiving this post twice. I actually had to restore my site and re-post this.}

My daughter and I met some friends for lunch on Friday. The hour and a half drive there took us through a section of road that has adult stores dotting the roadside for several miles. Usually these stores have cars in front of them that are very obviously parked so that no one can see their license plates. A sure sign of embarrassment and shame.

As we drove back home on Friday, I happened to see a man get out of his work truck in front of one of these stores. He went around the side of his truck to fix or rearrange something. I stared at him as we went by. I wanted to see just what kind of men frequent such places.

And guess what? He looked like an ordinary guy that we’d hire to fix our car or stand and talk to at a sports game. He certainly didn’t look like an evil monster.

Now, truthfully, I didn’t expect him to look like a monster. So what’s my point? I believe that we women have done a great disservice to our men if we are not praying for their sexual purity.

It makes us so uncomfortable to even talk about this. Even now, some of you will be appalled that I would be writing about such a thing. But, honestly– unless you are living in blind ignorance–you must realize that pornography has become a problem of epidemic proportions in the American family. Even in Christian families. So many face the consequences of this deadly, secret sin in one way or another.

I’m not going to speak to the men since I obviously can’t understand how that temptation works for them. However, I am going to challenge the women reading this– wives, mothers, aunts, grandmothers– to pray for the men in their lives regarding sexual purity. Pray for your husbands, sons, nephews, grandsons. Ask the Lord to protect them from this particular temptation.

We can’t just turn our heads and pretend this problem doesn’t exist. Because that doesn’t keep it from existing.

Will you join me in praying for the sexual purity of our husbands and sons? Our nephews and grandsons? Our brothers and brothers-in-law? And even our pastors and spiritual leaders? God will use our prayers to help them to resist the temptation of this secret sin that destroys so many marriages and families. We must never underestimate the power of prayer!

Obviously, this is not my typical kind of post. But when I saw that normal-looking man walk into that store, my heart broke for him and his family because I know that they have a serious problem that will only grow worse unless he seeks help. And it reminded me to pray hard for the men in my life in this particular area. I thought I would share this with you, in case you, too, would like to ask God to strengthen and protect the men in your life.

Helping your kids through a tough time

Leave a Comment / January 8, 2015 January 8, 2015

How well I remember that moment. I was peaking around the door to check on my oldest daughter. She was only two or three and was in Sunday School for the first time. As I watched, I saw a couple of little girls treat her unkindly. I saw the hurt look on her face and I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart.

That was the moment I realized that it hurts far worse to watch my kids experience hurt than for me to experience it personally.

Watching all that was going on from that door was rather torturous. But I knew to step in and try to fix the situation would only make it worse. And so I stood helplessly by, trying to comfort myself with the thought that I went through the same kind of snubs and survived.

Little did I know at that time just how often my kids would experience pain and hurt throughout their lives– no matter how much their father and I tried to protect them. Since that time I’ve grown older and, hopefully, wiser. And I’ve learned that there are some things we can do help our kids as they travel through those painful times.

But before we can help them, we need to understand a few things ourselves. First, we need to understand that we can’t– nor should– fix every little problem that comes up in our kids’ lives. As my oldest was going through terrible times with some friends in middle school it was all I could do to not to get involved, but, thankfully, I chose to heed my mother’s advice: do not get involved. I am so glad that I did now, although at that time it felt like I must do something.

I think we also need to understand that shielding our kids from hurt is actually hurting them in the long run. Let’s say that we were actually able to keep them from experiencing pain and hurt for the first eighteen years–can you imagine what would happen when they left our shelter and struck out on their own? What a cold and harsh introduction to a cold and harsh world. And not only that, but in our attempts to protect and shelter our kids from pain, they start believing that they are the center of the world. They become self-centered and self-absorbed and eventually end up hurting themselves (and us) in the long run.

And so we cannot think it is our duty to shield our kids from pain. It isn’t.

But just because we can’t keep them from feeling hurt, doesn’t mean we can’t help. There are some things we can do to help our kids–

1. Remind your child that they are not alone. Let them know that you love them unconditionally and keep them secure in that love. No matter what’s going on — whether bad grades, a broken heart, or not making the team– be by their side and encourage them. But, just as importantly, remind them of God’s love. Remind them that they will never be alone if they turn to God in their trials.

2. Talk about the Sovereignty of God in their life. Sovereignty is a big word, but basically we need to discuss with our kids how nothing happens outside of God’s Will and how whatever it is they are facing is something God is using to turn their hearts toward Him or to grow them spiritually. Nothing happens without a reason. Encourage them to have a humble and teachable spirit as they face trials and troubles and then follow those words up by having a humble and teachable spirit yourself when you face your own personal trials.

3. Think outside the box. So often we tend to throw our hands up in the air and say, “Oh, well, we just need to walk through this” and we put our heads down and trudge on. But sometimes– not always, of course– we can think outside the box and come up with a solution. Or we come up with a way to creatively deal with a situation. Talking and discussing in this way will help them with problem-solving later on. We never want to teach them to just “accept their fate” without first exploring all of the options. We never want to encourage them to dwell in a place of self-pity. But it is very important that we never have these discussions without prayer. Be in prayer with them and for them. God has answered and provided in many seemingly impossible situations in our family’s life– building much faith in the process.

4. And, finally, always help them to keep a proper perspective. When one of my kids and I were discussing something difficult that they were going through recently, it was so helpful to remember that this particular trial really wasn’t that much of a trial, in light of what so many others go through. It really does help to remember that it could be so much worse. At the very least, gently and lovingly turn their thoughts to how much gratitude they should have simply because they have a warm home, food to eat, and someone who loves them to take care of them.

As you have these discussions with your kids, you will see them start handling their own trials in this way. But, of course, most of our discussions with our kids will be utterly useless if we don’t respond to our own trials well. How true the old saying is: Much more is caught than taught. And so we need to be ever mindful of responding and reacting to our own trials by applying these same four principles.

Our kids are going to experience pain. It is the very nature of life. Instead of jumping in to shield and protect them, let’s do all we can to prepare them for the future, so that they will be ready to go out into the world as capable and unselfish adults who want to live for God’s glory.