Christianity – Page 45 – Growing 4 Life

The Death of a Friendship

8 Comments / February 4, 2013 June 11, 2013

This post has been sitting in draft mode for at least six months. It is rather difficult to post because of the very vulnerable feelings I have chosen to share. I have also hesitated to post it because I don’t want anyone to think that I am pointing a finger at my old friend. I’m not. However, because I have talked to so many other women who have gone through similar situations, I felt I must share this sometime. That time is today. I hope that there is at least one other person out there who receives comfort and hope from reading what I am going to share.

So here we go–

“This friendship is taking too much work and I just can’t deal with you right now,” were the icy words issuing forth from the mouth of my best friend of fifteen years.

I felt my heart sink deep within as I tried to comprehend her words. I knew that our friendship was on rocky ground, which was why I had requested we meet together over coffee. However, I never expected to be so fully dismissed and rejected in the fell swoop of one sentence.

This woman and I had shared a kindred spirit that many other women envied. We had cried together over our children, she had been there for me through a difficult miscarriage, and I had supported her through a painful time in her marriage. We had discussed our passion for God and living a godly life in countless phone conversations and during dozens of play dates.

As the weeks, and then months, went by I realized that she was serious. Our friendship was completely and utterly over. She had rejected me with an entirety that was astonishing.

All these years later I continue to look back on that moment with bewilderment and hurt. But God also used it to teach me some very important lessons.

I discovered that He never changes. While men and women on earth change constantly, God is the rock that will never move. I can trust Him wholly and completely with my life. Oh, what a comfort in the midst of difficult days!

I learned to trust in God’s sovereignty in all areas of my life. As I reflect back on the final two or three years of that friendship, I realize that it had been draining me of precious energy instead of building me up. Perhaps she felt that way, too, and had the courage to just end it instead of letting it die a long, torturous death. Perhaps God was protecting both of us from further hurt down the road. Whatever the reason, I learned that I must believe that my heavenly Father knows best and rely on His plan, rather than my own.

And God taught me that wherever there is love, there is also great risk for hurt. But I also learned that He will walk with me through that hurt. I had loved deeply and I had been hurt deeply. For awhile afterwards, I held myself at arm’s length from everyone but my family. But over time, I realized that God wasn’t teaching me never to love again but instead that He will be there for me when the inevitable hurt comes around. And choosing to love, if we are believers in Jesus Christ, isn’t an option but a command.

He also taught me that my worth is found in Him alone. I don’t know if you have ever experienced such utter rejection, but I found it the most devastating, empty feeling I have ever experienced. Even now, all these years later, when I think on it, I still feel the sting of it. The tendency is to start making assumptions about yourself. I am a terrible person. I am a rotten friend. I must have done something just awful. God taught me to rest in Him. I wasn’t a perfect friend. I know that. But I have found forgiveness and acceptance from my heavenly Father. He is so faithful! He will never say that I am not worth the effort, but stays by me no matter what mistakes I make. What a comfort in a time of such complete and utter rejection.

And, lastly, I had no choice but to learn that some answers are never going to be available to me. I have come to understand that I will probably never truly know exactly why my best friend chose to end that friendship the way she did. For awhile, I hung onto the hope that we would have a good, long chat to air things out. I knew that the friendship would never be the same, but I was hoping for some insight into the situation. I now know that I need to relinquish my insatiable curiosity and move on with my life.

I will always remember that friendship with great fondness. God provided much needed support through that special friend and He gave me wonderful memories that I will treasure all of my life. I will also remember the friendship with great sadness. It was a tragic end to a beautiful relationship. But I know that God has taught me many things through this trial and for that I am deeply grateful. God knows best and I know that I can rely on Him to see me through even the hardest of times. He has proven this to me over and over again. I may never know why, but I rest in God’s plan and thank Him for helping me to forgive and move on with my life.

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Wednesday Wisdom: Light and Joyfulness

Leave a Comment / January 30, 2013 January 30, 2013

Okay, so by now you are probably getting tired of the joy theme. I am actually ready to move on to something else myself. But hang in with me for this. If I could pick one post for you to read about joy this entire month of January, it would be this one. It is, by far, the most concise and best thing I have read about joy. It is written by Andrew Murray in a book entitled The New Life: Words of God for Young Disciples of Christ. I hope you will be as challenged and blessed as I was by Rev. Murray’s words:

Chapter 32: Light and Joyfulness

‘Blessed is the people that know the joyful sound: they walk, O Lord, in the light of Thy Countenance. In Thy name do they rejoice all the day.’ — Psalm 89:15, 16

‘Light is sown for the righteous, and gladness for the upright in heart.’ — Psalm 47

‘I am the Light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in the darkness, but shall have the light of life.’ — John 8:12

‘I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no one taketh away from you.’ — John 16:22

‘As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.’ — 2Cor. 6:10

A father will always be eager to see his children joyful. He does all that he can to make them happy. Hence God also desires that His children should walk before Him in gladness of heart. He has promised them gladness: He will give it. (Psalm 89:16, 17; Isaiah 29; see John; 1Peter 1:8) He has commanded it: we must take it and walk in it at all times. (Psalm 32:1; Isaiah 12:5-6; 1Thessalonians 5:16; Phil. 4:4)

The reason of this is not difficult to find. Gladness is always the token that something really satisfies me and has great value for me. More than anything else is gladness for what I possess a recommendation of it to others. And gladness in God is the strongest proof that I have in God what satisfies and satiates me, that I do not serve Him with dread, or to be kept, but because He is my salvation. Gladness is the token of the truth and the worth of obedience, showing whether I have pleasure in the will of God. (Deut. 28:47; Psalm 40:9; Psalm 119:11) It is for this reason that joy in God is so acceptable to Him, so strengthening to believers themselves, and to all who are around the most eloquent testimony of what we think of God. (Neh. 8:11; Psalm 68:4; Proverbs 4:18)

In the Scriptures light and gladness are frequently connected with each other. (Esth. 8:16; Proverbs 13:9; Proverbs 15:30; Isaiah 60:20) It is so in nature. The joyful light of the morning awakens the birds to their song and gladdens the watchers who in the darkness have longed for the day. It is the light of God’s countenance that gives the Christian his gladness: in fellowship with his Lord, he can, and always will, be happy: the love of the Father shines like the sun upon His children. (Exodus 10:23; 2Samuel 23:4; Psalm 36:10; Isaiah 60:1, 20; 1John 1:5; 1John 4:16) When darkness comes over the soul, it is always through one of two things, through sin or through unbelief. Sin is darkness, and makes dark. And unbelief also makes dark, for it turns us from Him, who alone is the light.

The question is sometimes put, Can the Christian walk always in the light? The answer of our Lord is clear, ‘He that followeth Me shall not walk in darkness.’ It is sin, the turning from behind Jesus to our own way, that makes dark. But at the moment we confess sin, and have it cleansed in the blood, we are again in the light. (Joshua 7:13; Isaiah 58:10; Isaiah 59:1, 2, 9; Matthew 15:14, 15; 2Cor. 6:14; Ephes. 5:8, 14; 1Thes. 5:5; 1John 2:10) Or it is unbelief that makes dark. We look to ourselves and our strength; we would seek comfort in our own feeling, or our own works, and all becomes dark. As soon as we look to Jesus, to the fulness, to the perfect provision for our needs that is in Him, all is light. He says, ‘I am the Light: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.’ So long as I believe, I have light and gladness. (John 12:36; John 11:40; Romans 15:13; 1Peter 1:8)

Christians, who would walk according to the will of the Lord, hear what His word says: ‘Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. Rejoice in the Lord always: again, I will say, Rejoice.’ (Phil. 3:1; Phil. 4:3) In the Lord Jesus there is joy unspeakable, and full of glory: believing in Him, rejoice in this. Live the life of faith: that life is salvation and glorious joy. A heart that gives itself undividedly to follow Jesus, that lives by faith in Him and His love, shall have light and gladness. Therefore, soul, only believe. Do not seek gladness; in that case you will not find it, because you are seeking feeling. But seek Jesus, follow Jesus, believe in Jesus, and gladness shall be added to you. ‘Not seeing, but believing, rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory.’

Lord Jesus, Thou are the Light of the world, the Effulgence (meaning radiance or brilliance) of the unapproachable light, in whom we see the light of God. From Thy countenance radiates upon us the illumination of the knowledge of the love and glory of God. And thou art ours, our light and our salvation. O teach us to believe more firmly that with Thee we can never walk in the darkness. Let gladness in Thee be the proof that Thou art all to us, and our strength to do all that Thou wouldst have us do. Amen.

The gladness that I have in anything is the measure of its worth in my eyes: the gladness in a person, the measure of my pleasure in him: the gladness in a work the measure of my pleasure in it. Gladness in God and His service is one of the surest tokens of healthy spiritual life.
Gladness is hindered by ignorance, when we do not rightly understand God and His love and the blessedness of His service: by unbelief, when we still seek something in our own strength or feeling: by double-heartedness, when we are not willing to give up and lay aside everything for Jesus.
Understand this saying: ‘He that seeks gladness shall not find it; he that seeks the Lord and His will, shall find gladness unsought.’ Think over this. He that seeks gladness as a thing of feeling, seeks himself: he would fain be happy: he will not find it. He that forgets himself to live in the Lord and His will, shall be taught of himself to rejoice in the Lord. It is God, God Himself, who is the God of the gladness of our rejoicing: seek God, and you have gladness. You have then simply to take and enjoy it by faith.
To thank much for what God is and does, to believe much in what God says and will do, is the way to abiding gladness.
‘The light of the eyes gladdens the heart.’ God has not intended that His children should walk in the darkness. Satan is the prince of the darkness: God is light: Christ is the Light of the world: we are children of the light: let us walk in the light. Let us believe in the promise, ‘The Lord shall be to thee an everlasting light. Thy sun shall no more go down, for the Lord shall be to thee an everlasting light, and the days of thy mourning shall be ended.

—The New Life: Words of God for Young Disciples of Christ by Andrew Murray

(This book, valuable for young and old disciples of Christ, is only .99 for Kindle and $7.49 for the hard copy. You can find it here.)

Joy Challenge #4: An Important Question

Leave a Comment / January 28, 2013 January 28, 2013

Oh, my! What a morning! I had planned out awhile ago what the 4th Joy Challenge would be, but last night when I sat down to get started on this post, I was completely blank. I walked away from the computer, deciding to try afresh in the morning.

How gracious of God to make it happen right in His timing. Since I am only writing now and it is already almost noon, it is a little late according to my plan! But, as always, He knows best.

So, anyway, last night I had trouble falling asleep (for whatever reason) and so I slept straight through until 7am. I knew there was a possibility of a school delay this morning and so I looked out my window as soon as I woke up. Sure enough, the roads were snow-covered and I assumed the kids were going to be off or at least have a delay. But just to be sure, I called my husband, who had already been out for an hour or two salting parking lots. He is almost always aware of the school closings.

“They are on a two hour delay. I heard it on the radio.”

I gratefully sighed in relief and almost lay back down in my warm bed but then decided I’d better get up and write today’s blogpost. After all, I didn’t want to be late. I was just getting started, when my daughter came downstairs and told me that one of her friends said that the school didn’t have a delay. Now I was confused. Just about that time, I received a text from a friend I was meeting for breakfast who said she couldn’t meet today because the kids did have a delay. I told my daughter to just go back to bed, since her friend obviously didn’t know what he was talking about ;)

Over the course of the next several minutes I tried to get to the bottom of what was going on. Apparently, a local radio station had broadcasted in error the delay of our school district. When I figured it out, I called school to let them know we’d be late (and why) and then told the girls to get up and get ready.

It was a crazy morning. And it could have been very stressful. However, I learned a long time ago that things like this don’t really matter. Okay, if I am honest, I don’t always remember this. But this morning I did–perhaps because of what I knew I had to write when I got home!

Years ago, I remember reading a book called Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. It was an interesting secular book, but lacked one key thing. While this book gave helpful reasons why not to “sweat the small stuff”, we Christians do not have to sweat the small stuff because of some very good, eternal reasons.

1. We are saved from the penalty of our sins by Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross. This salvation is not based on my works but on God’s grace alone.

2. We know that we will have a home with God in Heaven eternally.

3. We know the final ending of the story of the world.

It’s called having an eternal perspective. When’s the last time you thought about Heaven? I mean really thought about it — not with just a passing thought, but focused on what is to come for you and your saved loved ones? It is an amazing, incredible thought. Revelation 21 gives this amazing description of Heaven. And we are going to go there! At least we are, if we have been transformed by the saving grace of Jesus Christ alone. This is what God promises us in His word (John 14:1-3).

And so we know that we have been saved from the penalty of our sin and that we are going to live with Jesus in this awesome place called Heaven after we die. Can anything be too terrible when compared with that?

I am not trying to make light of trials, but somehow so many trials and frustrations pale when compared to this hope we have within us.

Somehow getting it wrong about the school delay this morning and having to drive my kids to school in the snow (which I really hate to drive in) doesn’t really matter.

If we can just ask ourselves: DOES THIS REALLY MATTER? We could really avoid a lot of stress and conflict, which would in turn increase our joy.

However, many times we lose sight of eternal perspective and down we slide on the slippery slope of complaints and criticism and worry and fear and stress. The fruit of a short-term perspective is rarely good.

So here’s our FINAL JOY CHALLENGE: Spend some time this week thinking about Heaven. Read Revelation 21 and John 14. And then, when you are faced with small frustrations this upcoming week — a bad cold, a potty training accident, a car that breaks down — ask yourself: DOES THIS REALLY MATTER IN THE SCOPE OF ETERNITY?

So How Do We Know?

4 Comments / January 24, 2013 January 24, 2013

So how do we know if we have true, biblical joy?

I recently started a Bible Study guide on the books of Thessalonians and this week, in the first chapter of I Thessalonians, I came across this verse:

And you became followers of us and of the Lord, having received the word in much affliction, with joy of the Holy Spirit (v.6)

Hmmm…the word joy pops up so much more in scripture now that I’m thinking about it for this month! It reminds me of getting a new car. You don’t really think about how many cars there are like yours until you have one. Then all of a sudden, your color and make of car are everywhere!

But back to the topic at hand–

My eyes then fell to the Bible Study guide notes. And this is what it said:

—See Romans 14:17. Joy in the midst of suffering evidenced the reality of their salvation, which included the indwelling Holy Spirit (I Cor. 3:16; 6:19)

Joy in the midst of suffering evidenced the reality of their salvation.

And I thought about the last few times I have suffered. I cringed as I realized that I probably didn’t show a whole lot of joy. And then I thought of the big things in life that were really hard. I may have come around to joy, but I don’t think I would have been accepting the praise of Paul over how I showed the joy of the Holy Spirit.

Perhaps the phrase “Holy Spirit” is the key here. As I have been focusing on joy this month, I realize that I have spent most of my life trying to concoct this holy joy on my own. And so I work hard to act like I have joy and peace — because that’s what we Christians do– but haven’t always felt that way on the inside.

But I am starting to wonder about that.

Yesterday, as I was listening to a radio program, I heard the testimony of a woman who was very tempted to have an affair. She and her husband were missionaries and she fell in love with another man. She talked about how she allowed herself to think things that eventually turned into the fruit of betrayal. While the affair never went into physical betrayal, she got herself so involved emotionally that she wrestled greatly with the thought of turning her back on her husband and walking away.

But here is why I am telling you this: When she talked about making the decision to stay with her husband and to walk away from the potential affair, her heart (never follow your heart! Jeremiah 17:9) urged her to go with the other man. It took everything in her being to go against her feelings. But she did it. And, eventually, this woman felt love for her husband again and the marriage was able to heal.

What does that have to do with biblical joy? I think we have a choice to make. And our feelings will not always be ahead of that choice, but will often come afterwards.

The joy of the Holy Spirit isn’t something we always feel immediately in affliction. But if we are given the gift of it during our time of trial, we know it is not of our own making, but purely the mercy of God. And the verse in I Thessalonians showed me that this joy is one of the evidences of our salvation.

That is a sobering thought, isn’t it? Have you shown evidence of your faith during your last trial? Let’s obey and let the Holy Spirit do the work of giving us the feelings that go with the obedience.

—As I read over what I just wrote, it feels a bit disconnected. Like maybe I tried to stuff too much into one post. But this post is full of all I am learning this month and I am not sure what to leave out, so I am going to just leave it as it is. I hope that it is possible for you to at least walk away with a tidbit or two, even if the whole thing only makes sense to me! ~Leslie

Wednesday Wisdom: Can you have one without the other?

Leave a Comment / January 23, 2013 January 23, 2013

Today’s post isn’t specifically about joy. However, I think these two things are so closely related that you can’t have joy without this being part of your life.

What is it? It is a heart of GRATITUDE.

In her book, Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy, Nancy Leigh DeMoss shares what she calls the Instigators of Ingratitude. I found them so practical that I knew I had to share them with you. If we find ourselves stuck in the habit of something on this list, we can almost guarantee that we will experience very little joy. Here it is in her words:

So much of what is wrong in our lives-out of sync, out of sorts, out of harmony- can be traced back to this root of ingratitude. So we must guard our hearts against it at every turn, watching for the telltale signs, feelings, and attitudes that can set it off in us; things such as:

Unrealistic Expectations. We can start to expect a lot– from life, from work, from others in general–until no matter what we’re receiving in terms of blessing, it’s never as much as we’re hoping for. Needing God but not always wanting God, we expect others to take the place of God in our lives, depending on them to guide our decisions, to love us continuously and unconditionally, to provide for us emotionally, physically, socially, totally. And when they disappoint us — which inevitably happens–rather than being grateful for God’s unchanging love and His faithfulness in meeting our needs, those unfulfilled expectations easily turn to resentment that poisons our hearts and relationships.

Forgetfulness. God warned the Israelites to be careful after they entered the Promised Land, not to forget the One who had rescued them from brutal slavery under the Egyptian taskmasters and had brought them into this good land. (Here she lists several verses to show her point). Forgetfulness and ingratitude go hand in hand. They forgot to thank God for His deliverance, His faithfulness, His provision, His protection, and His miracles on their behalf.

We must never forget that “he has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son” (Colossians 1:13). We must remember that He has faithfully met our needs and sustained us by His grace.

To forget is not only to invite ingratitude but (as God told the ancient Hebrews in Deuteronomy 8:19) to “perish”– to watch a little of us die every day when we could be experiencing abundant life.

Entitlement. …When we take simple blessings for granted as if they were owed to us, or conversely, when we start to think that our house, our car, our wardrobe, or our general station in life is beneath what we deserve, ingratitude finds all the oxygen it needs to thrive.

One of the unseemly side-effects of all the effort and energy our society has invested in building our individual and collective self-esteem is that our culture is now rife with this super-high level of deservedness. The more affluent we are, the higher our standard of living, it seems, the more demanding and discontented we become. Be careful where you place the bar for what you can and can’t live with or without. The height of that baseline affects just about everything.

Comparison. This is more than just keeping score on who has what and being perturbed because we don’t have as much as they do. It is every bit as dangerous and deceptive for us to focus on the many sacrifices we’re making, the hard work we’re performing, the extra hours we’re putting in, comparing our level of labor and commitment with what others are investing. Any time our focus is on ourselves — even if it’s on the good things we’re doing–it keeps us from being grateful for what others are contributing. We lose our appreciation for our spouse, children, friends, and coworkers when we constantly view them through our own shadow.

Blindness to God’s Grace. We are debtors. We are the ones who owe. The mercies of God that are “new every morning” (Lamentations 3:23) are not blessings we deserve but graces given by God’s loving hand to fallen creatures, those whom He has redeemed by His good pleasure. To ignore such unmerited favor or consider it God’s obligation to us is to miss out on the vision of His loveliness and glory that will sustain us through life’s battles and keep joy flowing into and out of our heart.

Ingratitude steals it all–healthy relationships, humility, contentment, enjoyment, and the sweet walk with Christ that provides our only access to abundant life. *

How’s that for convicting? I see several things on that list that are a daily struggle for me. And yet, because we don’t tend to view these attitudes specifically as sin, we live in them without examination or any work at eradicating them from our life.

But ingratitude is listed with some pretty serious sins in 2 Timothy 3:2–

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: ²For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, ³unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, ⁴traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, ⁵having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

Perhaps we had better take this sin a little more seriously! And while we work on it, we will see our joy increase as our ingratitude decreases. How cool is that?

*Choosing Gratitude: Your Journey to Joy, pages 53-57

January Joy Challenge #3: The Obedience Connection

4 Comments / January 21, 2013 January 21, 2013

Last night, we were awakened by a loud and incessant sound around 4am. My husband jumped up to look out the window. Our son came over from his bedroom because he had heard it, too. The three of us went racing down the stairs to figure it out. When we opened the front door, we realized that there was a vehicle horn stuck on somewhere nearby. Now my mind started racing. Someone must have had an accident. My eyes tried to focus in the darkness to look for something out of the ordinary. My ears strained for the sound of human suffering. Nothing. Meanwhile, my husband had started running towards the noise. As he got closer, he realized that it was one of our old work trucks. Somehow (who will ever know how?!?) the horn had gotten frozen in the ON position. He hit it briefly and it released itself. He came running back in and we all went back to bed. But I couldn’t go back to sleep. How had that happened? And I confess my imagination started running in all different directions. After awhile, I found myself thinking on today’s blog post. Was there a connection between the horn and joy? And if so, what was it?

I started turning it over and over in my mind and realized yes, there was a connection. A big one.

You see, most of us have warning bells that we hear in our mind when we first choose to sin. Whether we choose to do something wrong or not to do something right, God has created our conscience to warn us. And our conscience is like that horn, loud and relentless…at first.

But after awhile– after we have continually been drowning ourselves in the world and its ways–we start being able to ignore it.

A good example of this is television. If we are in the habit of watching a lot of TV that is so good at glorifying all that God hates, we grow hardened to it. Instead of choosing to turn it off when we see something which we know goes against biblical principles, we trick ourselves into believing that it’s no big deal. Instead of running away from sin, we immerse ourselves in it. Each time we make that choice, our ears grow a little deafer to the horn of our conscience.

But this is just one example in a sea of thousands. Galatians 5:19-21 gives an example of the works of the flesh:

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness,²⁰idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, ²¹envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Look at that list a moment. How many on that list have we fooled ourselves into thinking are just a part of life? Statistics show us that “Christians” (I use quotes because I have my doubts that all those surveyed are actually saved) are having affairs and living together outside of marriage at almost the same rate as non-Christians. Many churches are failing because of contention and jealousy and heresies. Homes are sad places because of outbursts of wrath. Selfish ambitions lead mothers away from homes and young people to lives of indulgence and eventually hopelessness. But, instead of boldly pronouncing these things as sin, we make excuses. We make excuses for ourselves, for our children, and for our churches.

The thing is– we hear the horn when we first move in the wrong direction. But we become so used to ignoring it, that we start to think like the world. We actually start thinking that we are doing the right thing, responding the right way, saying the right words–even when we aren’t.

What is so ironic is that if we would just stop and examine our lives for a minute, we would realize that we don’t have an ounce of joy. Not one thing on the list in Galatians brings joy. In fact, I would propose that it does just the opposite. They bring strife and tremendous grief into our lives.

And then we cry, “Why me? I don’t deserve this!”

But, wait a minute. Maybe we do.

God is an amazing, personal God. When He wrote His Word, He included many commands for us there. He did not do this because He is cruel and hateful, but instead because He loves us so much. He knows, and has always known, the turmoil and chaos that is a guaranteed part of the human life when the sinful self is allowed to rule. And so, in His great goodness, He showed us a better way to live. He has made it so clear how we can have true joy. But most of us leave our Bibles on our shelves the whole week (we may dust it off on Sunday — although that is even becoming less and less frequent in this modern church age). We don’t know what the Bible says and we don’t really want to. Instead we turn our backs to God and go our own way, always wondering why we don’t have any joy.

So what’s the challenge for this week? Here it is: Pray and ask God to help you see what sin in your life may be causing you unnecessary heartache and strife. Ask your spouse, or someone else you trust to tell you the truth, for their opinion. And then throw out your pride and get to work.

This is no easy exercise, I know. However, the rewards of this will be great.

JOHN 15:10-11 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.

But true joy, happiness, satisfaction, and all other such feelings are by-products of knowing and obeying God’s truth.

~John MacArthur

My Way, Please

Leave a Comment / January 17, 2013 January 17, 2013

Last night, I was in the toddler nursery at church. During that hour, I enjoyed playing with three adorable toddlers–something I don’t often have the opportunity to do anymore.

At one point, two of them started fighting over a toy. The little girl’s brown eyes widened with indignation as the little boy headed towards her toy. She was quite talkative, and so she let him (and me) know that this was her toy and she didn’t want him playing with it. He was a little younger, but his big eyes said it all. He was determined to have that toy, as well. My daughter (working in there with me) told them to share and then we watched what would happen. There were a few moments of tension in that room, before she finally walked away and found a different toy.

Later on, the little boy was carrying around two horses and the little girl wanted one. When I asked him to share one of them, he looked down at them and then promptly put out his hand, offering the small red horse to the girl. She gratefully accepted and his face lit up with a smile, as he handed his other horse to my daughter, as if to say, “I like sharing!”

Why am I sharing with you these nursery stories? Because these stories don’t only happen in the nursery and they are related to joy.

Don’t we often stamp our feet and argue and debate and manipulate to get our own way? To keep our own “toy”? And, how do we feel afterwards–even if we were right? Joy and peace are not two words that come to mind. But, if we can be like the little boy, and release what we are holding on to so tightly, while it seems totally contradictory, joy and peace often come.

My point is this: joy is never found in self-seeking. We think we know what we want, but when we get it, most of us aren’t satisfied and want something more. We can create a path of destruction trying to get money and power. We can knock down others as we seek to fulfill ourselves. And yet, when we get to the top, will we experience peace and joy?

I think just a little bit of human observation answers that question in a hurry. True joy is never a result of getting our own way.

The funny thing is, we continually think it is, so many of us try so hard to get that car…or that friend…or that bracket of income. We think we will be satisfied if we just can have a big house, a leaner body, or that brand of clothing. And none of it brings any joy. Oh, it might make us happy for a little while but then we will start feeling empty again.

But joy isn’t related to our circumstances. John MacArthur gives this theology of joy (saying it better than I ever could!): True spiritual joy is not related to circumstances. It is a gift from God to those who believe the gospel of Christ being produced in them by the Holy Spirit because they receive and obey the Word of God mixed with trials and keep their focus on eternal glory.

I love that! Because it so clearly shows that joy does not lie in getting our own way! It isn’t until we yield our will to God’s that we can experience true joy. What a challenge for us in a culture obsessed with personal fulfillment and purpose. How ironic that we need to give up our own definition of personal fulfillment to actually experience being fulfilled in a better way that we could have ever imagined. Isn’t God so amazing?

Don’t forget to check out my 10 day devotional on Joy. You can get it free! See the details here.

Wednesday Wisdom: The Secret of Joy

Leave a Comment / January 16, 2013 January 16, 2013

As I have focused on joy this month, I have become aware of just how much I confuse happiness (based on circumstances) with true joy (based on my relationship with Christ). A.B. Simpson talks about joy in a very profound and helpful way, defining what true spiritual joy is — the kind talked about in Galatians 5:22-23 as a fruit of the Spirit. Hopefully, this helps you too–

The joy of the Lord springs from the assurance of salvation. It is the joy of salvation. Its happy song is,

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine,

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!

Heir of salvation, purchased of God,

Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

This is my story, this is my song,

Praising my Savior all the day long.

If you would know this joy, you must accept God’s promise with full assurance of faith and rest upon His word without wavering or doubting.

This joy is the joy of the Holy Spirit. “The fruit of the Spirit is… joy” (Galatians 5:22). It is not indigenous to earthly soil; it is a plant of heavenly birth. It belongs to the kingdom of God. To know this joy, we must receive the baptism of the Spirit in full surrender and simple faith. It is characteristic of all who receive this baptism that they know the joy of the Lord. Until we receive this eternal fountain in our heart, all our attempts at joy are but surface wells. They are waters often defiled, and their bottoms are often dry. We talk about the great Artesian stream, the “spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:14).

This joy of which we speak is likewise the joy of faith. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him” (Romans 15:13). There is indeed a deep delight when God has answered prayer and the joy of fulfillment and possession overflows with thankfulness. But there is a more thrilling joy when the heart first commits itself to God’s naked promise. Standing on His simple word in the face of natural improbability or seeming impossibility, it declares, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (Habakkuk 3:17, 18).

If you are doubting God, you need not wonder that your joy is intermittent. The witness of the Spirit always follows the act of trust. “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3). It is just as true conversely that “if you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all” (Isaiah 7:9).

—Larger Christian Life, A.B. Simpson

January Joy Challenge #2: Finding the Balance

4 Comments / January 14, 2013 June 23, 2013

Balance is very important in the life of a Christian, but most of us have a very, very difficult time finding it. You see, somehow we have to find the balance between —

Accepting where the Lord has placed us

and yet,

Continuing to learn and grow from the trials

And between–

Accepting and resting in the grace of God to cover all of our sins

and yet,

Striving to be more pure and holy with each passing day

And between–

Accepting the way God has made us

and yet,

Never giving up on improving ourselves

This is all especially personal to me, because about this time in life (speaking only for myself, you understand), I am not always accepting with much of anything (just being honest here). My kids are almost grown up and I find myself nearing the end of the only full-time job I ever wanted. I don’t look like I want to look. I often don’t act or react like I think I should. I am frustrated that I haven’t progressed more as a Christian. And, a few years ago, I started to realize that happy endings are mostly in movies. Thankfully, there are a few in real life, but even those take a ton of work. Mostly, you just do the best you can with what you are given.

And, look, I have a great life. I know I do. I am not complaining–not a bit. But, somehow, I have to figure out how to accept who and where I am–right now– without giving in to complacency and apathy. And that’s what is so hard. And that’s where joy comes in.

You see, if I can’t accept the circumstances in which God has placed me or in who God created me to be, then discontent will reign in my heart, pushing out joy (Romans 9:20; Psalm 139:14; Philippians 4:11). But if I am too accepting of myself or of my circumstances, then there is no desire to change for the better, also pushing out joy (Philippians 3:12; I Corinthians 9:24-27; Romans 12:1-2) . And, so, somehow we have to find the balance.

So how exactly do we do this? I confess I am not totally sure. But maybe we should start with this week’s challenge:

Take some time this week to do an inventory of yourself. Think about what you don’t like about yourself or circumstances. Are they things you can change or are they outside your control?

Prayerfully, give the things you can’t control to the Lord (you know–things like the scar on your face, your husband’s horrible boss, the wayward adult child). In fact, go a step further, and thank the Lord for these things, for they have probably led you to a deeper walk with the Lord.

And then, look at the things you don’t like that you can control (things like a huge amount of debt, laziness, bad temper, extra pounds) and develop a plan to start working on them, yielding them prayerfully to the Lord.

Of course, sometimes issues get lost in the big black hole between the can control and the can’t control –things like marriages and wayward teens. Okay then, if that is the case, we do what we can do and then submit the outcome to God, praying confidently for His will to be done. After all, we know it is His will that our marriages stay together and that our teens follow hard after Him.

This challenge is a little deeper this week and a little more work, too. But, I truly believe that until we can find the balance, we will either be stuck in the land of discontent or find ourselves in the fields of laziness and apathy. May we always be striving, instead, for the life of balance, which will lead us to deeper joy.

Joy Killers

4 Comments / January 10, 2013 January 10, 2013

Yesterday, I shared some excerpts from a sermon by Spurgeon on the Joy of the Lord. As I thought about his words, I thought of how often I desire to walk in the joyful sunshine of God’s light but then choose, instead, to walk through the dark, cold shade of my own sinful choices. What are some of those sinful choices–or what I like to call Joy Killers–that are so effective in leading us to the shady side of the street? The list is probably endless, but here are a few that came to mind–

Joy Killers

Holding a grudge
Entertainment that glorifies what God hates
Caring too much about what people think
Loving money
Eating more than your body needs
Wasting time
Gossiping about someone else
Caring more about your physical health than your spiritual health
Watching too much news
Anger and Frustration
Caring too much about what you look like
Focusing only on what’s wrong in the world
Making yourself and your needs your top priority
Complaining
Criticizing
Trying to fix, control, and manipulate people and circumstances
Taking something that isn’t yours
Envy and jealousy
Sex outside of marriage
Hating someone
Putting sports (or anything else) ahead of the spiritual welfare of your family
Language that is filthy and crude
Pretending to be someone you are not (hypocrisy)
Abusing our bodies with substances
Twisting scripture to make it mean what you want instead of what it really does
Living only for today, with no thought for eternity

Many on this list are specific things listed in scripture as sin (see Galatians 5). Others are simply unwise to do if we want to live a life of joy. There are so many others that could be added. We humans have been very creative at concocting ways to steal our own joy!

I have been really convicted lately that we need to pray that we (and those we love) would hate sin. No, we will never be perfect here on this earth, but if we have a heart that is yielded to the Lord and we desire to be pure and holy, it is then, and only then, that we make it possible to have deep, abiding communion with our heavenly Father, thus leading to true and lasting joy.

Do you have anything to add to my list of Joy Killers?