biblical counsel – Page 27

How Then Shall We Respond?

Leave a Comment / May 2, 2013 May 2, 2013

I normally shy away from writing about current events, but recently I saw an interview by a popular sports announcer regarding the sexual sin in this country. He was straight forward in expressing what God’s Word says and yet very loving in how he presented it. I admire him very much. It took great courage for him to say what he said.

Why?

Because, as Christians, our views are not only unpopular, but considered downright unloving and repressive in the eyes of the world. It has become an anything goes world and if anyone dares to say that something is actually wrong, they are labeled a bigot and many other choice words.

But this sports announcer hit on a very important topic in his little speech. It is this: I still love you, no matter what you do, but don’t call yourself a Christian while living in perpetual sin. That’s where it gets tough, doesn’t it?

These people want to call themselves believers, even though they go against everything in God’s Word.

So how do we respond?

For me, it is so much easier to extend grace to those who do not claim to be believers. How could they know what is right and wrong if they have not heard? Many in this country today have only a vague notion of who Jesus Christ is. Many have assumed that evolution and abortion and homosexuality are all quite normal views, because Christians have become so marginalized. It is a sad state of affairs, but a good majority of people do not realize that a Christian world view was normal just a short time ago in this country. And so they are doing what they have been taught to do by our public schools, our talk shows, and our magazines–look out for number one: themselves. And honestly, can you blame them? They don’t know any better.

The problem comes for me when people who call themselves Christians do the same thing. Scripture assures us that a true believer will not live a lifestyle of perpetual sin (I Corinthians 6:9; Matthew 7:16-20; I John 2:3-6). YES, Christians make mistakes and may get caught up in something for awhile, but the Holy Spirit convicts us and changes us, so that we cannot stay in that state for a lifetime. If we are doing something wrong, the Spirit’s presence creates in us such an unrest that we can’t find peace until we confess our sin. This is the marvelous, amazing work of the Spirit in the life of a true believer.

So how do we respond to these people who claim Christianity, while going against everything God stands for?

Many of us grow disgusted and angry. How dare they sully the name of my Lord with their profane and ungodly lives? Many of us say absolutely nothing. Hey, if they want to do such and such, it’s their lives. Many of us grow confused. Maybe what I was taught all of these years wasn’t really the right thing, after all, if the whole world says it’s wrong?

Thankfully, scripture shows us in many places what our proper response should be–

COLOSSIANS 4:5-6 Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

II CORINTHIANS 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

2 THESSALONIANS 3:14-15 if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

I CORINTHIANS 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.

I CORINTHIANS 16:13-14 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong. Let all that you do be done with love.

Could it be that God knew our human response is to grow angry in the face of opposition? Is that why the words “let all you do be done with love” is added after Paul’s exhortation to stand fast in the faith?

Note that in all of these verses, there is nothing about anger or malice. There is also a strong recommendation to avoid the company of those who claim to be a believer but aren’t living like one. This doesn’t mean we can’t be friends with them–we still need to pray for them and love them and talk with them but I do believe it means that we do not seek their company. They are not our closest confidantes and we should not turn to them for advice or to share our deepest struggles and joys.

This is a crazy, crazy world. I knew it was going the wrong direction even as a teenager, but not even I could have guessed the deplorable condition we would find ourselves in this many years later. As I watch brothers and sisters in Christ suffer persecution across the world, it is with the awareness that an immense thundercloud is just above our heads in this country. We are kidding ourselves if we think the toleration that is extended to everyone else will be extended to us. God’s Word is clear that we will be hated in this world.

And so it comes down to this: do we stand or do we cave? Do we speak truth or do we back ourselves into a corner and try to remain inconspicuous?

And if we stand and speak, we are commanded to do so with love. Love for a lost world, love for blinded people who think they are going to heaven, love for those we meet each and every day who have no idea that Jesus can truly change their lives.

And we need to remember that the biblical definition of love is quite different than what the world is telling us. True love tells the truth. Worldly love says any opinion is valid. True love extends grace and mercy. Worldly love is conditional. True love speaks with kindness and gentleness. Worldly love turns hostile and malicious in the face of disagreement.

May we stand strong but may we do so with true and biblical love!

Wednesday Wisdom: The Incompatibility of Faith and Anxiety

2 Comments / May 1, 2013 May 1, 2013

In this current day it is not difficult to find something to worry about. The economy, financial woes, diseases and illnesses, the future of our country and the church, and struggling relationships are just a few things that can cause us to worry. But our generation doesn’t have the corner on the anxiety market. Throughout the ages, people have struggled with anxiety and fear. Thankfully, the Bible speaks to this sin (yes, it is a sin and not a disorder). In God’s Word we find that not even a sparrow falls unless it is God’s will. When we worry we forget just how big and powerful God is. We forget that His will, His timing, and His ways are not ours. Of course, this is so much easier to write than to live out. John MacArthur wrote a blog series on this topic on his Grace to You website last fall and I want to share one post here today. You can find a link to the whole series after this post. I hope you are challenged by this as much as I was–

If you worry, what kind of faith do you manifest? “Little faith,” according to Jesus (Matthew 6:30). If you are a child of God, you by definition have a heavenly Father. To act like you don’t, nervously asking, “What will I eat? What will I drink? What will I wear for clothing?” is to act like an unbeliever in God’s eyes (vv. 31-32).

Christians who worry believe God can redeem them, break the shackles of Satan, take them from hell to heaven, put them into His kingdom, transform their nature, and give them eternal life, but just don’t think He can get them through the next couple of days. That is pretty ridiculous. We can believe God for the greater gift and then stumble and not believe Him for the lesser one.

The Worrier Strikes Out at God

Some might say, “Why make a big deal out of worry? It’s just a trivial sin.” No, it is not. I suspect many mental illnesses and some physical illnesses are directly related to worry. Worry is devastating. But more important than what worry does to you is what it does to God. When you give in to worry you are saying, in effect, “God, I just don’t think I can trust You.” Worry strikes a blow at the person and character of God.

The Worrier Disbelieves Scripture

It breaks my heart to hear some Christians say, “I believe in the inerrancy of Scripture,” but then live as perpetual worriers. That’s blatant hypocrisy. It is incongruous to say how much we believe the Bible and then live in doubt and worry that God won’t fulfill what He has said in it.

The Worrier Is Mastered by Circumstances

When you or I worry, we are choosing to be mastered by our circumstances instead of by the truth of God. The uncertainties and trials of life pale in comparison to the greatness of our salvation. Jesus wants us to realize it doesn’t make sense to believe God can save us from eternal hell, but can’t help us in the practical matters of life. The apostle Paul reflects a similar desire in Ephesians 1:18-19.

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.

When you catch yourself worrying, go back to Scripture and have your eyes opened again.

The Worrier Distrusts God

When we worry, we are not trusting our heavenly Father. That means we don’t know Him well enough. Take heart—there’s an effective remedy: study the Word of God to find out who He really is and how He has supplied the needs of His people in the past. That will build your confidence in Him for the future. Stay fresh in God’s Word every day so that His truth is constantly on your mind. Otherwise Satan is apt to move into the vacuum and tempt you to worry about something. Instead, let God’s track record in Scripture and in your own life assure you that worry is needless because of God’s bounty, senseless because of God’s promise, useless because of its impotence to do anything productive, and faithless because it is characteristic of unbelievers.

Find this entire post here, and the entire series on attacking anxiety here.

The World of Unmet Expectations

4 Comments / April 29, 2013 April 18, 2015

This weekend I had the not-so-delightful opportunity to be on both sides of the expectation equation.

On one occasion, I fell woefully short of someone’s expectations of me. The feelings that arise in that situation — frustration, irritation–come rushing over me like a waterfall. I chafe a bit under expectations that I can’t possibly meet and grow quickly frustrated before eventually tossing the whole thing to the wind and trying to forget about it. But it does cause some blocks to be built in the dividing wall of a relationship.

And, then, I was on the other side, as well. I expected someone to do something and when they didn’t do it, those familiar emotions came whirling back into my heart and head. And again some block-building takes place.

Frustration and irritation and wall-building are all routine in the World of Unmet Expectations.

This world is fraught with other dangers, especially if it is a regular occurrence–

–breakdown of communication

–grudges

–anger

–vengeance

You see, we grow to expect certain things. We expect our kids to behave in a certain way, we expect our spouses to treat us in a certain way, we expect our family, friends, leaders, and pastors to do certain things. And the funny thing is–we all have very different opinions of what those expectations are.

Much of it is built during our childhood and what we saw in our homes and churches growing up. Some of it is built from the books we read and the movies we watch. And some of it is simply human nature.

But, wherever those expectations come from, they can cause serious chaos if we don’t make careful effort to keep them as a lower priority than the actual person we are expecting something from.

Let me give an example. Let’s say that I am expecting my child to do something and they choose not to do it. If I make my expectation more important than my child, then I will place myself at the center of the offense and yell and scream and altogether handle it badly. If I make my child more important than my expectation, then I will focus on what exactly needs to be fixed (if there was actually sin involved) and handle it calmly and rationally.

Many times expectations aren’t even sin issues, but simply two people who desire to do two different things.

I am sure you have heard the joke about the newlyweds who fight over the toothpaste tube. Should they roll it or just squeeze it? Or the toilet paper roll. Should it go over or under? That is all about expectations.

And in those situations, someone has to give. That has been a hard lesson for me over the years, one I continue to have to work on. When I have an agenda that includes someone else and they have a different idea, then I have to learn to release my expectations wholly and completely–no sarcastic or hurtful remarks, no sulking, no holding grudges.

When I can do that, my family and friends desire to spend time with me. If I can’t, then I become one of those people that they would prefer not to be around–because they can never make me happy.

Think about the last time you had an argument with someone. Was it over something serious or moral or was it just an unmet expectation of relative insignificance? Was it something that was worth standing on or something that was simply opinion?

We need to keep this in mind when the next situation crops its ugly head–which will probably be today, so let’s keep our eyes open, our hearts humble, and our minds ready!

Arsenic-Laced Conscience

2 Comments / April 25, 2013 April 25, 2013

Do you remember those old stories of arsenic poisoning? For some reason, we don’t hear much of that anymore. I guess people have found more updated ways to murder someone.

But sometimes in old books or movies, the story will contain a case of arsenic poisoning. The angry maid or the jilted wife would put just a little of this deadly poison in their victim’s food. The victim would start with headaches and drowsiness, perhaps some confusion and stomach upset. But as time went on and they continued to, unknowingly, ingest the arsenic, they would grow sicker and sicker and eventually they would die.

Perhaps feeding the world to our consciences is a little like feeding arsenic to our bodies.

The cry today is so much about rights and freedom. No one has the right to tell me anything. Don’t tell me what to do, what to watch, what to read, or what bands to listen to. And, truly, the Christian life isn’t about rules (sometimes I think it would be a lot easier if it was) No, instead, the daily Christian life is about living wisely. The Christian life is about our loving response to the God who reconciled us to Himself.

God does tell us to avoid certain things, to do certain things, even to think on certain things (Galatians 5:16-25; Colossians 3; Philippians 4:8) And in His Word we are counseled to surround ourselves with godly friends and not to walk with the ungodly (Psalm 1; Proverbs 12:26) He tells us this because He desires that we live righteous lives. He calls us to live separate from the world (James 1:27; I John 2:15-17) It’s not a popular message. We want to be in the world but I wonder if we realize that one of the serious side effects of dabbling with the world and its entertainments is that it is slowly killing our conscience?

Think about it with me for a second. When we see two people having illicit sex on a giant movie screen for the first time, it makes us squirm a bit in discomfort. But in another time or two, we have grown so used to it that we no longer give any consideration to the fact that what we are seeing on the screen is a terrible offense before a holy God.

Or, as another example, how about the first time we realize that the lyrics that we are singing along to are talking about doing cruel, horrible things to women or maybe they are about abusing drugs. They could be filled with bad language we wouldn’t dream of speaking and so we laughingly sing out “bleep” when the bad word is sung by the artist. If we ignore our conscience at that point and let the song play out to the end–because we tell ourselves it’s just a song and doesn’t matter–well, it’s like feeding arsenic to our conscience. The next time it comes on it won’t bother us as much. And when an even worse song comes on, we get to the point we aren’t even thinking about it anymore, because we have swallowed so much of the world that our conscience is no longer working properly.

And, suddenly, the people who say “Hey, wait a minute! Are you sure that pleases God?” seem like absolute prudes and like their goal in life is to steal all the fun. But are they really prudes? Or could it be that they remind us of the time when we were more sensitive to sin? Could it be that their concerns make us feel just a little bit guilty?

Or have we allowed our conscience to become so hardened that we have stopped realizing what is even sin anymore?

Arsenic was (and still is) a quiet and unsuspecting way for someone to commit murder. Feeding the world to our minds has always been and will always be the surest way to kill our conscience. A steady diet of worldly music, movies, and books will slowly render our conscience completely ineffective.

It’s not about rules, it’s about wise choices and keeping ourselves spiritually healthy!

The good news is that this is reversible! While we will always have to live with memories and worldly desires, we can reverse this damage to our consciences.

The treatment for arsenic poisoning involves washing out the stomach and the prompt administration of dimercaprol.

The treatment for our hardened consciences is washing our minds (confession) and the prompt administration of God’s Word. First, we need to turn to the Lord in repentance and sincerely ask Him to help us–to show us what is sin according to scripture, not according to what my church or my friends or my family say. And then we need to administer the only remedy that can help us: God’ s Word. We need to start feeding our minds God’s Word instead of the world.

How much world can you consume before becoming deadened? I have no idea. We are probably each a little different in that aspect. But, just as any arsenic is unhealthy for you, so it is the same with the things of this world. So many of us try to figure out just how much world we can consume without it being detrimental, which seems like the opposite of what we should be doing. Shouldn’t we be trying to avoid poisoning ourselves?

But, honestly, when I think of God’s holiness and hatred of sin and then I think of how this modern world has been inundated with all of the things that God hates through the vehicles of television, books, and music, I realize we probably all have arsenic-laced consciences to a degree. Even those of us who are making great efforts to be pure.

But God’s Word is the anecdote for all of us. If we fill ourselves with it, He will be faithful and keep us sensitive to sin. How I thank Him for His Word, the only remedy for an arsenic-laced conscience.

Wednesday Wisdom: Saved From What?

2 Comments / April 24, 2013 April 24, 2013

Wow. This is good. It seems like A.W. Pink should have written this yesterday, not many years ago. It shows me that what is going on now in Christianity has been going on for a very long time. This excerpt is from A.W. Pink’s Practical Christianity. I am not finished with it yet, but so far I have found it very interesting and thought-provoking. It makes me shudder to think of the many who believe they have obtained fire insurance from hell, but, unwilling to turn from their sins, will eventually learn the very sad truth that they were never saved in the first place. Here is why (in the words of A.W. Pink)–

Multitudes desire to be saved from hell (the natural instinct of self-preservation) who are quite unwilling to be saved from sin. Yes, there are tens of thousands who have been deluded into thinking that they have “accepted Christ as their Saviour,” whose lives show plainly that they reject Him as their Lord. For a sinner to obtain the pardon of God he must “forsake his way” (Isa. 55:7). No man can turn to God until he turns from idols (1 Thess. 1:9). Thus insisted the Lord Jesus, “Whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:33). The terrible thing is that so many preachers today, under the pretence of magnifying the grace of God, have represented Christ as the Minister of sin; as One who has, through His atoning sacrifice, procured an indulgence for men to continue gratifying their fleshly and worldly lusts. Provided a man professes to believe in the virgin birth and vicarious death of Christ, and claims to be resting upon Him alone for salvation, he may pass for a real Christian almost anywhere today, even though his daily life may be no different from that of the moral worldling who makes no profession at all. The Devil is chloroforming thousands into hell by this very delusion. The Lord Jesus asks, “Why call ye Me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?” (Luke 6:46); and insists, “Not every one that saith unto Me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of My Father which is in heaven” (Matt. 7:21). The hardest task before most of us is not to learn, but to unlearn. Many of God’s own children have drunk so deeply of the sweetened poison of Satan that it is by no means easy to get it out of their systems; and while it remains in them it stupefies their understanding. So much is this the case that the first time one of them reads an article like this it is apt to strike him as an open attack upon the sufficiency of Christ’s finished ‘work, as though we were here teaching that the atoning sacrifice of the Lamb needed to be plussed by something from the creature. Not so. Nothing but, the merits of Immanuel can ever give any sinner title to stand before the ineffably holy God. But what we are now contending for is, When does God impute to any sinner the righteousness of Christ? Certainly not while he is opposed to Him. Moreover, we do not honour the work of Christ until we correctly define what that work was designed to effect. The Lord of glory did not come here and die to procure the pardon of our sins, and take us to heaven while our hearts still remain cleaving to the earth. No, He came here to prepare a way to heaven (John 10:4; 14:4; Heb. 10:20-22; 1 Peter 2:21), to call men into that way, that by His precepts and promises, His example and spirit, He might form and fashion their souls to that glorious state, and make them willing to abandon all things for it. He lived and died so that His Spirit should come and quicken the dead sinners into newness of life, make them new creatures in Himself, and cause them to sojourn in this world as those who are not of it, as those whose hearts have already departed from it. Christ did not come here to render a change of heart, repentance, faith, personal holiness, loving God supremely and obeying Him unreservedly, as unnecessary, or salvation as possible without them. How passing strange that any suppose He did! “Many people think that when we preach salvation, we mean salvation from going to hell. We do mean that, but we mean a great deal more: we preach salvation from sin; we say that Christ is able to save a man; and we mean by that that He is able to save him from sin and to make him holy; to make him a new man. No person has any right to say ‘I am saved,’ while he continues in sin as he did before. How can you be saved from sin while you are living in it? A man that is drowning cannot say he is saved from the water while he is sinking in it; a man that is frostbitten cannot say, with any truth, that he is saved from the cold while he is stiffened in the wintry blast. No, man, Christ did not come to save thee in thy sins, but to save thee from thy sins, not to make the disease so that it should not kill thee, but to let it remain in itself mortal, and, nevertheless, to remove it from thee, and thee from it. Christ Jesus came then to heal us from the plague of sin, to touch us with His hand and say ‘I will, be thou clean’”(C. H. Spurgeon, on Matt. 9:12). They who do not yearn after holiness of heart and righteousness of life are only deceiving themselves when they suppose they desire to be saved by Christ. The plain fact is, all that is wanted by so many today is merely a soothing portion of their conscience, which will enable them to go on comfortably in a course of self-pleasing which will permit them to continue their worldly ways without the fear of eternal punishment. Human nature is the same the world over; that wretched instinct which causes multitudes to believe that paying a papist priest a few dollars procures forgiveness of all their past sins, and an “indulgence” for future ones, moves other multitudes to devour greedily the lie that, with an unbroken and impenitent heart, by a mere act of the will, they may “believe in Christ,” and thereby obtain not only God’s pardon for past sins but an “eternal security,” no matter what they do or do not do in the future.

Pink, A.W. (2010-07-26). Practical Christianity. Kindle Edition.

If Walls Could Talk

Leave a Comment / April 22, 2013 April 22, 2013

Are you the same person both inside and outside of your home?

Aah…what a challenging question. I consider myself to be fairly open and honest with who I am. If you don’t like me, well, then, so be it. What I mean is: I’m not going to purposely offend you, but I am not going to pretend to be someone I am not just because you won’t like the real me, either.

But I can’t deny I am still a little different at home than I am out in public.

When someone does something that upsets me in public, I may frown a bit and fume a bit inwardly. If I am really upset, I may grit my teeth and grumble to my husband. On a very rare occasion, I will say something and try to keep my tone kind. Notice the word try.

But when I’m at home…well, that’s a different story.

A few months ago, I realized just how true this is. I was having a little fit of temper with a couple of my kids while their friend, unbeknownst to me, was waiting in our mud room. Although it is now a bit of joke among us all, it wasn’t very funny to me at the time. Actually, I was quite ashamed of myself.

And I had to ask myself–would I have had that fit of temper if I knew that friend stood listening to me? Absolutely not. I would have controlled myself.

Many of us tend to be very different people when we are around people we don’t know very well.

And it begs the question. What would our walls say about us if they could talk?

What would they say about–

—Our tempers?

–The websites we visit and the movies we watch?

–The tone of voice we use when we talk to our husbands?

–The way we treat our kids? Our parents? The salesperson on the phone? The neighbor who hates us?

What would the walls say about–

–The language we use?

–Our organization and cleanliness?

–Our Christian testimony in our homes?

–Our use of time?

Fortunately– at least for most of us–walls can’t talk.

In this Christian culture, there is so much emphasis on being real. Be real and show your struggles. Be yourself wherever you go. And while I think there is value in being honest in who we are, I don’t always want to show my real self to the public–because it’s not always pretty.

But I am not suggesting that we become fake at home.

No, I am suggesting that we allow the Lord to take control of our lives no matter where we are. That our appropriate reactions and kind responses, even in public, would come from our hearts instead of from social etiquette.

Because only then can we truly be the same genuine and godly person both inside and outside our home.

How to be a true friend

Leave a Comment / April 18, 2013 April 18, 2013

When asked to speak on the friendships of woman I got a little nervous. I have messed up and made many mistakes in the area of being a good friend. Thankfully, the Lord has used some of those mistakes to teach me. While I still have a lot to learn, I hope that I am a better friend today than I was twenty years ago.

One of the most important and helpful things I have learned regarding friendships is that I cannot control others. I can’t control if someone wants to be my friend. I can’t control their reactions or words or choices. I can’t control if they are nice to me or mean to me.

I can only control myself.

With that in mind, I offer this condensed version of what I spoke on this morning at a local MOPS group.

How do I become the best friend I can possibly be for my friends? How do I become a true friend to those who are so important to me? As a bonus, this is a great way to become a great husband or wife, as well!

I have used each letter in the word friend to remind us of a few of the characteristics of a true friend.

F – FORGIVE

Matthew 6:14-15“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Friendship is impossible without this word. In fact, ANY healthy relationship is impossible without this word. Forgiving can be very difficult. True and complete forgiveness can only come when God works in our hearts. If you have a friend you haven’t forgiven, pray about it. Ask for a forgiving heart.

R – REPAIR what’s broken

Ephesians 4:2-3with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Repairing is part of forgiveness. But it is also part of a normal relationships, where misunderstandings and hurt feelings abound. True friends make an effort to stay friends. Friendship takes work. If there is a falling out, someone needs to take the first step. Sometimes there isn’t really anything to be forgiven, but simply a misunderstanding. Someone needs to humble themselves first. You be that one. Be willing to apologize! YES, It can be awkward, uncomfortable, and downright unpleasant! And sometimes, it doesn’t go well.

But we need to do what we can do, as much as it up to us. I often think of that verse, in Romans 12:18–

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

You see, things don’t always turn out like we want. But that doesn’t excuse us from doing the right thing.

I – IMPROVE each other

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

I am not talking here about FIXING one another. None of us likes to be someone’s “project” (a good thing to keep in mind for spouses, too!) No, I am thinking more of the idea of helping one another become more godly. We should have an enhancing effect, rather than a detrimental one. And this is not only by giving godly advice or honest criticism, although there is occasionally a place for that.

No, it is more than that.

I can think of a dear friend immediately who makes me a better person just by being around her. She is godly and humble. She is joyful and pleasant. She says she wants to please the Lord in all she does and her life choices match her words. When I’m around her, it rubs off on me and she encourages me to be more godly without ever saying a word.

E – ENCOURAGE each other

Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.

This is so important! Use your words to build your friends up. So often, we use the 15000+ words we speak per day to complain, gossip, or brag (build ourselves or our children up). But rarely do we use our words to encourage. There is so much competition between moms. I remember hearing it on the soccer sidelines. I remember hearing it in church groups. But we aren’t supposed to be in competition, we are supposed to be lovingly encouraging one another.

Oh, the power in our tongues! James puts it so succinctly in chapter 3, verses 4&5:Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. ⁵Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.

We can choose to build up or we can choose to tear down. I want to encourage with my words.

We can encourage with more than words, too. How about taking care of the children when our friend needs to be with her sick mother? Or taking a meal to them when they are sick? Or giving rides without expecting a returned favor? Perhaps it is just making time in our busy schedules for a cup of coffee or a lunch date together. There are so many ways we can offer encouragement to our friends.

N – NOTICE what’s going on

Matthew 10:29-31 Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

The purpose of these verses is not to show us that Jesus cares about the little stuff but instead to show the absolute sovereignty of God. Not a sparrow falls without God knowing it. How amazing is that?! But am I stretching it to suggest that this shows that Jesus obviously does care about the details?

And if Jesus cares about the small stuff, shouldn’t we?

Let’s make an effort to notice the little stuff– our friend’s hairstyle change, her new shirt, her child’s new accomplishment–and offer kind words.

And let’s notice the not-so-little stuff– Perhaps you haven’t heard from your close friend for awhile. If this is unusual, call her and make sure she is okay. Perhaps she was unusually quiet when you ran into her at the store. Show her that you notice. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, just let her know you care and are praying (and then make sure you are!)

Noticing goes hand-in-hand with encouraging. We can’t encourage if we don’t notice what is going on in the lives of our friends.

D – DON’T DWELL on real or imagined offenses

I Corinthians 13:5 {Love} does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs (NIV)

So let’s say we are offended by something our friend says or does. It happens to all of us at one time or another. They speak sharply to our child (how dare they??) or they make a comment about our husbands or our homes or our family and we can feel the hackles go up in our neck. We grow quiet and we start sulking a bit.

Or we hear that somebody said that somebody said that SHE said she doesn’t think we are doing a good job raising our kids. And, suddenly, without knowing the context or details of the actual conversation, we have decided we don’t like HER after all.

But is that honoring to God?

We need to control our thoughts. We can’t dwell on our hurts and our real or imagined offenses.

Life is way too short for that. So they said something hurtful or did something you didn’t like. Do you imagine that you haven’t done the same thing at one time or another? We all do things without thinking sometimes.

Let it roll right off your back.

Long and lasting friendships depend on both of you being able to ignore offenses.

DISCLAIMER: Of course, there are some things that happen between people that need to be dealt with. That’s where forgiveness and repair come in. But I am talking here about the stuff people say that they don’t even realize is hurtful. They don’t realize their tone or how it sounds.

Or the stuff we hear that’s 15 people down the line. The exaggerated story is probably nothing like the actual truth and yet we get all up in arms and choose to end friendships over it. If you are going to choose not to talk with your friend about what you heard then your only other {healthy} option is to LET IT ROLL :)

In conclusion, this list is my no means exhaustive. I find myself wishing there was an “L” in the word friend because LISTENING is so very important in being a good friend. But this list will, hopefully, get us started thinking about how we can be a better friend.

Friendship is a beautiful gift from God. I have been so blessed through the years with many friendships. Even when I’ve been hurt and the relationship has been severed, I believe the hurt was worth the relationship. But I can’t talk about friendship without making sure to mention that we will never find our fulfillment in our earthly friendships. All friendships will disappoint us at one time or another.

Friends come and go, but Jesus is the friend that is always there. He will never leave you or forsake you.

Let me close by sharing the 2nd verse of the well-known hymn, What a Friend We Have in Jesus–

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

I truly hope you know Jesus as your Savior and friend. If you don’t but would like to know more about it, please feel free to e-mail me at leslie {at} growing4life {dot} com. I would be privileged to share God’s wonderful plan of salvation with you!

Looking Back or Looking Forward?

4 Comments / April 15, 2013 April 15, 2013

Sometimes you hear just the right sermon at just the right time.

That’s exactly what happened yesterday. The pastor didn’t know that I needed to hear his message. But God did.

You see, I’ve been spending quite a bit of time recently looking in the rear view mirror. Unexcited about what’s ahead of me and mourning what is past, I didn’t really think much of it. Just figured that it’s part of this time in my life. I certainly didn’t think that I was disappointing my heavenly Father with my longing looks back to the past.

But yesterday I realized that I need to stop looking in the rear view mirror and place my focus on what’s ahead of me. Here are a few points that really hit me as to why this is so important, straight from this sermon–

1) While some review of history is helpful (we’ve all heard the quote “those who ignore history are destined to repeat it), we need to be so very careful that this focus doesn’t turn into an obsession with regret, revenge, or remembering the “good ole’ days”.

2) Looking in the rear view mirror always leads to a focus on self–looking at my reflection, looking at what I’ve accomplished, how I’ve been hurt, what I have lost, my failures, my successes–it’s all about me. But when I look forward, that all fades and I can embrace the future and place my focus on God and others–right where it belongs.

3) Success and failure are always history. We can’t let our past successes define us. We can’t let our past failures destroy us.

4) We are told to look straight ahead in the scriptures. I am not sure why I never noticed these verses before. Notice the words in bold:

PROVERBS 4:23-27

²³Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
²⁴Put away from you a deceitful mouth,
And put perverse lips far from you.
²⁵Let your eyes look straight ahead,
And your eyelids look right before you.
²⁶Ponder the path of your feet,
And let all your ways be established.
²⁷Do not turn to the right or the left;
Remove your foot from evil.

Let your eyes look straight ahead. Not behind you nor to the right or left. But in front of you. There it is–commanded right in scriptures.

Wow. Never noticed that before.

And so it is with humility that I realize that longing for the past is not only detrimental to me, but displeases my heavenly Father. Funny how you can be so blind to some things–and then one day, God opens your eyes.

I thank Him for showing me this. And now that my eyes have been opened, I have a responsibility to change my focus. It won’t happen instantly, but, thankfully, I know I don’t need to do it alone, but can be confident that the Holy Spirit will be with me, strengthening and guiding me.

Where is your focus today? Are you stuck in the past? In regret? Or thoughts of revenge? Or perhaps dwelling on past successes or failures? Let’s take our eyes off the rear view mirror this week and instead turn our eyes straight ahead towards our Savior and others.

Wednesday Wisdom: God, You are Faithful

Leave a Comment / April 10, 2013 April 10, 2013

There are so many beautiful words that describe God: Loving, Kind, Good, Just, Perfect, Omnipotent, to name a few. But I am not sure any is more comforting than the word FAITHFUL. Lamentations 3:22-23 tells us about this: Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.

About five years ago now, Christian music artist Steven Curtis Chapman found out about God’s faithfulness the hard way. He and his family experienced a tragedy that none of us would wish on our worst enemy. I heard him say in an interview that he had to figure out if all of the stuff he had sung about for so many years was actually true. Through it all, he grew to understand God’s faithfulness in a way that only those who experience anguished and heart-breaking adversity can. I love this song so much. It is honest and raw and oh, so hopeful. God is faithful!

FAITHFUL by Steven Curtis Chapman

I am broken, I am bleeding,
I’m scared and I’m confused,
but You are faithful.
Yes You are faithful.
I am weary, unbelieving.
God please help my unbelief!
‘Cause You are faithful.
Yes, You are faithful.

I will proclaim it to the world.
I will declare it to my heart
And sing it when the sun is shining.
I will scream it in the dark.

You are faithful!
You are faithful!
When you give and when You take away,
even then still Your name
is faithful!
You are faithful!
And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe
You are faithful.

I am waiting for the rescue
that I know is sure to come,
‘Cause You are faithful.
Yes, You are faithful.
And I’ve dropped anchor in Your promises,
and I am holding on,
‘Cause You are faithful.
God, You are faithful.

I will proclaim it to the world.
I will declare it to my heart
And sing it when the sun is shining.
I will scream it in the dark.

So faithful…

Though I cannot have the answer
that I’m wanting to demand,
I’ll remember You are God
and everything is in Your hand.
With Your hands You put the sun, the moon,
the stars up in the sky,
for the sake of love, You hung Your own Son
on the cross…to die…

You are faithful…
Yes, You are faithful…
When you give and when You take away,
even then, great is Your faithfulness!
Great is Your faithfulness!

And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe You’re faithful!
Oh, oh, oh…
Oh, oh, oh…
When you give and when You take away,
even then still Your name
is faithful!
You are faithful!
And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe…

…You’re faithful…

**If you are not familiar with the tragedy that beset this family, you can read about it here.

**You can listen to this beautiful song on YouTube here.

The Real Deal

Leave a Comment / April 8, 2013 April 8, 2013

We were sitting in Friendly’s waiting for our ice cream. Normally we don’t get dessert with dinner, but who can skip dessert at Friendly’s? As we waited, a waitress brought out some luscious-looking sundaes to a booth across the restaurant, one of them being a mint chip sundae with hot fudge. And suddenly, the air was filled with the aroma of mint chocolate! “Wow! Can I smell that from here?” said my husband in disbelief.

Unbeknownst to him, I had pulled out my mint chocolate hand sanitizer to remove the stickiness from my hands at just the same moment the waitress had brought out the yummy looking sundaes. We all started laughing because the timing was so impeccable. Of course, we couldn’t smell the ice cream from across the store. But my hand sanitizer gave us the illusion that we could.

Many churches are becoming a little like this. They smell like the church. They look like the church. But when you walk in the doors, they aren’t really functioning like a biblical church.

While church is a great place to feel loved and to fellowship and perhaps sometimes to even win the lost, there are some other really important functions that get totally ignored or are done rather as an afterthought.

The first and most important job of a church is to teach doctrine. Paul mentions this word in several of his letters. I Timothy 1:3 and Titus 2:1 are two of them. Doctrine has become a bit of a “bad” word in most churches. That is because people aren’t interested in learning biblical doctrine. The word makes many cringe. But doctrine simply means “something that is taught; teachings collectively” according to dictionary.com. Paul urges ministers to teach their flocks about what the Bible says. That is the most important priority.

I Timothy 4 shows us another important duty of a church: Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from foods which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. For every creature of God is good, and nothing is to be refused if it is received with thanksgiving; for it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer. If you instruct the brethren in these things, you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished in the words of faith and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed.

Church leaders have a responsibility to help their flocks discern. There are a lot of false teachings floating around out there. But because the world’s philosophy of “if you believe it, it’s true for you” has crept into the church, church leaders have become afraid of confrontations. And I can see why, as most times accusations start flying immediately and the leaders are branded narrow-minded and old-fashioned and stuck in tradition and too uptight. But Paul expressly commands ministers to teach discernment. Churches need to be willing to do this.

And, finally, one other important job of a church is to discipline. One of the passages that talks about this is I Timothy 5:20 where Paul urges elders to rebuke those who are sinning in the presence of all, that the rest may fear. Most churches ignore any passage on church discipline. And, honestly, I can understand why. In this day and age, you are considered judgmental and narrow-minded if you stand against any sin. But does this excuse the church from doing it?

These are three important jobs of a biblical church: teach doctrine, protect from false doctrine, and discipline wayward believers.

We have been sold the lie that churches only exist to save the lost but that isn’t biblical. While many have been drawn to a church service and been saved there, that is not its main purpose. We have been sold the lie that church is about experiencing love and community. While many of us have made wonderful friends and enjoy being part of a community, that is not its main purpose.

I have no idea what type of church you attend. And finding a good, solid, biblical church is getting harder every day. But there are still some good ones around. I hope you are in one of them.