The Diamond Ring

diamondless ringI can still remember it like it was yesterday. We were having lunch at Pizza Hut. I looked down at my hand. The diamond–the one that my husband had lovingly given me when he asked for my hand in marriage that Thanksgiving break so long ago–was gone. My heart was sick. The symbol of our love was gone. Instead I was left with a ring that had a large gaping spot where the shiny stone had spent the last 17+ years.  But it was just a thing–an inanimate object.

Another incident I am reminded of happened a few years ago. We were talking in the kitchen. Our kids were with friends in the basement. That night a girl that had never been to our home came with another friend. The group of young people were having a great time playing Wii together. All of a sudden, this sweet girl came upstairs with a tear-stained face, while our daughter informed us that she had accidentally thrown the Wii remote into our brand new 42″ flat screen TV, cracking the screen.  Oh, our hearts sank. It was a very recent purchase. But, again, it was just a thing–a possession.

Matthew 19:16-22 tells the story of the rich, young ruler.  A young man that wants to follow Jesus. Sort of. Verse 21:  “Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”   As we continue to read on, we see that the young man went away sorrowful because he had great possessions and was not willing to do what Jesus asked.

Does that mean that it is a sin for Christians to have wealth? Or is it more about our attitudes about our wealth?  I believe a poor man can be just as possessive and greedy about his new 19 inch TV as a wealthy man can be about his new airplane. It is all about our attitude.

Matthew 6:21 tells us that where are treasure is there our heart will be. I think that is a question we all need to ask ourselves. What do we truly value?  My husband has been such a great example in this. He values me and his kids more than he values his stuff. This means that when we accidentally damage something (like a car!) he does not hold it against us, raging and blowing up in anger. It also means that our house is a fun place to be because he is not worried about others ruining his “property”, but instead he wants to share the blessings we have been given by the Lord. I would tend to be the opposite. I am thankful for my husband’s good example in this area. It has challenged me to re-think the values I place on the “stuff” in my life and has actually been very instrumental in changing my attitude.

Of course, we need to be good stewards. It is that fine balance, as always. Caring carefully for the blessings, but not becoming attached and possessive about them.

Most of us here in America or any other Westernized country, no matter where you find yourself on the “income” scale, have been tremendously blessed materially. While we need to be very thankful for the material possessions we have been blessed with, we also need to always be thinking how we can use them for God’s glory, instead of how to use them to fulfill our selfish desires.  A challenge indeed!

 

 

Turned Around

This is an actual conversation (not exact words)–

BOSS:  So, if you would like to eventually become a supervisor you need to step it up a bit.  You need to improve your attitude.

EMPLOYEE:  Yeah, but I do not have any incentive to do that.

This young employee’s thought is that in order for him to step up and do his best, he should be given financial incentive.  Come again?  What happened to the natural process of stepping up to do a difficult job, doing your best, and then being rewarded for that behavior?  It seems like so many have it all turned around.  Anyone who deals with employees, or children, for that matter, sees this on a regular basis.

Reward me first.  Like that is going to change how they perform.  This sense of “entitlement” has permeated our culture.  I see it in my kids.  “I deserve this” is not said, but certainly implied often.

What happened to hard work for hard work’s sake?  For a sense of accomplishment?  And most importantly, for pleasing God with an honest, hard day’s work?

Colossians 3:23-24 were my homeschooling theme verses.  I would quote this to my kids often when they complained of school work.  I still try to keep it mind as I go about the mundane duties of being a wife and mother.  I still quote it to my family now and again, as well!  It says:

And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.

When we do the work the Lord has set before us, we are doing it for Him.  Not for others.  Not for ourselves.  But for Him.  And we are to do it heartily.

Heartily, according to Dictionary.com, means:

1.  in a hearty manner; cordially: He was greeted heartily.
2. sincerely; genuinely: He sympathized heartily with their plight.
3. without restraint; exuberantly; vigorously: They laughed heartily.
4. with a hearty appetite: The campers ate heartily.
5. thoroughly; completely: I’m heartily sick of your complaining.

Personally, I find this word rather convicting.  Am I doing my daily work “heartily”?  I know the answer is oftentimes “NO”.

These verses also inform us that material, earthly rewards are just an extra reward.  Our actual, eternal reward will be given to us by the Lord.   Am I working for my eternal reward, or am I focused on the reward I receive here on earth? Perhaps we are focused on a paycheck or a raise or maybe on receiving a compliment or praise from someone we respect.  It is so easy to get caught up in these things.

May we be challenged to do our best today…for the Lord…whether we be in school, at work, or at home.  We all have tasks set before us each day.  May we accomplish our tasks heartily, as unto the Lord, not to men!

Aging with Grace

Grandmother Talking With Teenage Granddaughter On BenchI am forty-four years old. 44! When I was in college I thought 40-somethings were OLD and, I guess if I were honest, somewhat irrelevant to my life. I was young and excited about the future before me. The last 20 years have flown by in a blur–so filled with activity and new experiences and busyness. And now much of what I was looking forward to is in my past, to some extent. Things like falling in love and getting married, having babies, and buying a home. I feel blessed beyond measure to have experienced each of these things. Some of you have had other dreams–maybe it was traveling the world or being a missionary or owning your own company. Many of us, by this time in our lives, have seen the fruition of some of our dearest and most important dreams. So now what?

Now what do we look forward to? Age spots? Wrinkles? Gray hair? Eyes that can’t see as well? Should my priority be to make myself look as young as possible? I can use all  kinds of powders and gels and creams and I can eat right and exercise–and they may delay the process of growing old–but they will not stop the process of my body aging. We cannot stop the clock.

In this culture, where physical beauty and youth are so highly valued, it is sometimes easy to feel very irrelevant. We feel like we have little of value to offer young people. They seem like they know it all. But, if I think back on those days, I know two things without a shadow of a doubt–

One (and, by far, the most important): I didn’t know it all, I only thought I did.   

And two: The adults who influenced me–the ones I would listen to–were the ones who cared deeply about me.

The Bible says:

Job 12:12 Wisdom is with aged men, and with length of days, understanding.

Proverbs 16:31 Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.

Proverbs 20:29 The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.

There is a natural occurrence of getting wiser as you get older. Yes, there are some exceptions to this. I am sure we can all think of at least one.  But most of us, as we experience joy, devastation, even endless days of routine, will be learning.  Learning to grow in a deeper walk with God, to trust Him, and to walk by faith. Over the course of the last 20 years, I have learned that I do not have all of the answers. And I have learned that I still have much growing to do on this journey.

But I have also learned how to handle some things in a godly way. And I am learning how to react and respond to the things I cannot change. And, as this learning process occurs, whether we are 22 or 52 or 91, we have learned something that could help a person coming behind us in this journey of life.

May we care deeply about those coming after us. May we share the wisdom that God has granted us through our experiences of living life. And may we continue to look to Him and His word as our final authority.  We must remember that it is not our opinions that matter, but what God says. If we live that and speak that and share that, maybe God will use us to help a younger person in need of guidance. Let’s turn our eyes outward and use these years to glorify God and help others along their way!

If You Don’t Like Who You Are…It Is Your Fault.

Do you agree with this statement?   I heard someone say this the other day.   My initial reaction was, “Hey!  Wait a minute!  I can’t control the circumstances in my life!”  But then I thought about all of the things I can control.  I can control how much I eat and exercise.  Which affects not only how I look but how I feel and how much energy I have.  I can control how I use the money that I have been blessed with…whether it is a little or a lot.  I can choose to spend, save, give.  The choices I make directly correlate to the peace I experience in my life.  I can control how I respond to my husband…my children…my extended family…my friends.  I can respond in love and kindness or I can respond in irritation or bitterness or indifference.  I have the choice to make a withdrawal from that relationship or a deposit into that relationship.

What about the circumstances we can’t control?  An illness or a job lost or a tragic death in the family,  just to name a few.  This is where I had trouble with this statement.  And yet…it still comes down to facing these circumstances (eventually) with submission and trust.  My sweet cousins lost their dear father (my uncle) at the beginning of this year.  The way they have responded to this tragedy has been such an inspiration and example to me.  They are godly women who have chosen to submit their wills and lives to God and to trust in Him, even through the darkness.  This attitude is the only one that brings peace and contentment.  If  they would have chosen to shake their fists at God and shout “WHY?”  it would not only have harmed their peace of mind, but their families’, as well.  I imagine that their first response was to question God and to respond in anger.  But, somewhere along the way, they both made a choice.  A choice to trust our Heavenly Father.  A choice to follow God even when it is painful.  A choice to believe that God loves them, even though He allowed an incredible tragedy to change their lives forever.

My conclusion is that this statement is probably true.  If I am unhappy, do not have any friends, struggle with being overweight, or am in debt up to my eyeballs, or any number of things…my first action must be to look at myself.  To find out if there is any sin that may be causing this problem in my life.

Of course, there are things that cause much pain and heartache, bringing about some of these things that are beyond our control…medical conditions that mess with our metabolism…spouses who do not join us in our financial goals…etc.   These things are tough things to deal with and may be completely out of our control.  But I guess it still comes down to attitude and living out the fruits of the Spirit in my life as I deal with the things that are difficult and painful.    Love.  Joy.  Peace.  Patience.  Kindness.  Goodness.  Faithfulness.  Gentleness.  Self-Control.

We all make wrong choices sometimes.  May we be prayerful enough to recognize them,  humble enough to admit them, and obedient enough to draw our strength from Christ as we pick ourselves up and move on.

Galatians 5:22-23; Proverbs 3:5-6

Wet Feet

Have you ever watched sandpipers at the beach? I love watching these small birds  that hang out along the ocean’s edge. They will go as close to the water as possible, using their long bill to dig in the mud for edible treasures but as soon as a wave comes they run away from the surf as quickly as their strong legs will carry them. On the occasion that the wave can’t be outrun, the smart bird will take flight at the very last possible second. They don’t want to be overcome by a wave. Apparently, wet feet are okay, but they have no interest in getting completely wet. We can be a bit like this, too, sometimes, can’t we? We don’t mind getting our feet a bit wet, but we aren’t ready to give 100%. We run away from the shore for many reasons but one big reason is because of fear.

For instance, sometimes God will give me this awesome opportunity to share the Gospel with someone.  And instead of sharing the Truth directly and with love, I tiptoe around the edge of the shore and then, when I get too worried about offending someone and “losing their friendship”,  I get scared and run away– just like the sandpiper.

Or how about with our kids? Sometimes we know we shouldn’t let them do something or watch something or listen to something. But they let us know that ALL their friends are doing it, watching it, or listening to it.  And we get scared that they will hate us or tell their friends mean things about us so, instead of standing our ground, we turn and run away from the conflict. Because of fear.

Or maybe God is calling us to take on a new ministry or reach out to a neighbor who is hurting or change our career or to use a talent that will stretch us. We think about it. We go online and investigate it. We daydream about it.  And then the fear takes over and we run away. We make the decision to stay in our comfort zone. Because we are scared.

Sometimes circumstances are such that  it is not prudent to share the Gospel. Sometimes we need to pick our battles with our kids. And sometimes it is not God leading us into a new adventure but our feelings and emotions getting the best of us. It is important to be reading God’s Word, praying, and seeking His will.  But if we truly believe that God has granted us an amazing opportunity to share the Gospel with our unsaved friend or acquaintance or if we know we should stand up for what’s right with our kids or He is leading us to venture onto a path into the unknown, well, then we need to face our fears and get our whole body into the ocean!

Psalm 31:24; Galatians 6:9; Joshua 1:9

Several Ways to Make Yourself Miserable

grumpy girl

Elisabeth Elliot wrote the following list. It is such a great list that I had to share it. And most of us are susceptible to a few things on this list on a daily basis. It is certainly something to think about–

1.  Count your troubles, name them one by one- at the breakfast table, if anybody will listen, or as soon as possible thereafter.

2. Worry every day about something. Don’t let yourself get out of practice. It won’t add a cubit to your stature but it might burn a few calories.

3. Pity yourself. If you do enough of this, nobody else will have to do it for you.

4. Devise clever but decent ways to serve God and mammon. After all, a man’s gotta live.

5. Make it your business to find out what the Joneses are buying this year and where they’re going. Try to do them at least one better even if you have to take out another loan to do it.

6. Stay away from absolutes. It’s what’s right for you that matters. Be your own person and don’t allow yourself to get hung up on what others expect of you.

7. Make sure you get your rights. Never mind other people’s. You have your life to live, they have theirs.

8. Don’t fall into any compassion traps– the sort of situation where people can walk all over you. If you get too involved in other people’s troubles, you may neglect your own.

9. Don’t let Bible reading and prayer get in the way of what’s really relevant–things like TV and newspapers.  Invisible things are eternal.  You want to stick with the visible ones–they’re where it’s at now.

 *From Elisabeth Elliot's "Keep a Quiet Heart."

Appreciating the Sunshine and the Rain

I love the sunshine.  The sun beating down on my face on a warm summer day…the way it brings clarity and beauty to almost anything it shines upon…the clear blue skies or the puffy clouds that accompany the sunshine.  Can we ever have too much sun?  Well, we all know the answer to that.  Of course, we can.   Yesterday I heard my husband say yet again how dry it is and how worried he is.  Our company is very dependent on the weather.  When it doesn’t rain, the lawns turn brown and go dormant (and sometimes die).  When the lawns turn brown, they stop growing.  When they stop growing, our lawn-mowing division runs out of work.

There is another side to this equation, though.  We have experienced too much rain, as well.  With an over abundance of rain come different problems.   When it is too wet, the lawns and plants are plagued with fungi, unsightly mushrooms, and disease.  If it continues to rain, flooding occurs and lawns and plants eventually die.

As I was thinking about the balance of sunshine and rain that the ecosystem needs to survive,  my thoughts turned to my life.  You see, we have a tendency as humans to do an awful lot of complaining about the rainy days.  When will the sun shine again?  How long will it rain?  This rain is ruining our picnic…or baseball game…or trip to the amusement park.  We feel frustrated about this thing that is beyond our control.  And, interestingly enough, we often do the same thing when it “rains” on our lives.  Bad times come and we complain.  Why me?  Why now?  “I didn’t need this right now” is often something I will murmur under my breath when something goes wrong (which begs the question -when exactly would I have liked the negative circumstances to occur? )

But just like the earth needs a balance of sunshine and rain to not only survive, but to operate at its optimum level, so we, too, need both kinds of days in our lives.  The sunny, peaceful days and the stormy, shadow-filled days.  The moments filled with confident decisiveness and the moments filled with questions and doubts.   The tears of joy and the tears of sorrow.

I don’t always understand why some have so many storms and others seem to have  a lot of sunshine.   I was talking the other day with a friend who is going through a very difficult time.  She jokingly said she is trying hard to learn the lesson the Lord wants to teach her so she can shorten the learning process!  We all sometimes feel like that, don’t we?  Let me learn the lesson, so that the rain will stop.  But sometimes there isn’t a specific lesson to be learned.  Sometimes we end up under someone else’s rain cloud (maybe a spouse’s or a child’s bad decision) or perhaps it is to further God’s kingdom.  But no matter the reason for the rain (and often we never find out why certain storms came our way), we need to make a choice to grow in our faith and trust in our Heavenly Father.  Because to choose otherwise, is to choose bitterness, resentment, or anger.

I Peter 1:6,7

Are We Asking the Wrong Question?

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So many of our Christian conversations and questions revolve around what forms of entertainment and behavior are “allowed” for a Christian. There are many varied views on this topic. What about all the gray areas that aren’t covered in scripture? The accusation of legalism is a common one if one shares conviction on any “gray” area.  But I would propose that maybe the question isn’t “Is this right or wrong?” but instead “Will this move me closer to or away from the God I love?” A second question that must quickly follow this one is “Will this help or hinder my Christian brothers and sisters in their walk with Christ?” This changes the whole conversation, doesn’t it?

So much of our gray area conversations are rationalizations on why it is okay to do things that go against principles in scripture. We grab the typical passages used out of context for our arguments. But in thinking through what direction I want to go–towards God, if I am a believer–I have to challenge myself to think through WHY I am trying so hard to rationalize a particular behavior or action. Oftentimes it is for my own self gratification. It is because it is something I want to do and has nothing to do with bringing glory to Christ, reaching others for Him, or furthering His kingdom in any way, shape, or form.

The other thing worth mentioning here is that there are certain things that are not going to be cut and dried. For instance, while a  glass of wine with dinner or attending a horse race may be fine for some, these activities are going to present some pretty serious problems for the alcoholic and the gambler. And, while, perhaps some of us can do these things without stumbling,  it is imperative that we, as believers, show love and care for our fellow believers and not tempt them unnecessarily; always taking very great care in all that we do.

When it comes right down to it, our walk with God is all about love. But it is not only His love for us, but it is also our love for God, which translates itself into our selfless actions–denying ourselves worldly pleasures and showing immense selflessness towards others (see James 1:27).

So perhaps we have been asking the wrong question. Perhaps I need to ask myself will this help me or my fellow believers in their walk with Christ? Or will it be a detriment?  Will I please the Lord with this action or will I grieve Him? Do I love the Lord enough NOT to do this thing I really want to do in order to please Him? We need to stop trying to rationalize and, instead, take an honest look at our hearts’  intentions.  The excuse that “it isn’t specifically in the Bible” is pretty weak when we ask ourselves the question of direction, rather than the question of legislation.

Mark 12:30 And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment.

 

The Lonely Road

empty road

It was a beautiful, hot, summer evening. We were traveling on an interstate highway in the middle of nowhere. Tree-covered mountains were around us on all sides. As we were driving along we passed other cars and trucks intent on getting wherever it was they were going.  And then–quite suddenly–we were completely alone. There was not another vehicle anywhere before us or behind us or beside us. We were the only car on this stretch of highway.

For a brief–very brief–moment I panicked.

Had we missed a sign that says the highway is closed? Surely, at this time of day, people should be traveling on the highway? I reined in my thoughts almost before I had them, they were that ridiculous. But as I pondered on my momentary panic, I realized that sometimes we do this in our Christian lives, as well.

We are trying hard to obey God’s Word in a certain area and, yet, when we look around us, we feel so alone, because none of our Christian brothers and sisters seem to be obeying God in this area. We question ourselves–is this really a conviction from God’s Word or just a tradition or opinion? Should I be making myself or my kids hold to this standard when it seems like we are completely and utterly alone in doing so?

Being alone is not a fun place to be. It is easier for some than for others. But when it comes right down to it, we all would rather be a part of the crowd. We’d rather not stand out for things such as what we are not wearing, what we are not watching, where we are not going, and what we are not listening to.

We’d rather just melt into the crowd and allow our kids to do the same. It is so much easier to just follow the crowd and allow ourselves or our kids to wear that immodest bathing suit or listen to that obscene band; to play that violent X-box game or go to that R-rated movie.

But let me encourage you to stay on the lonely road. It will be worth it. Your kids will thank you someday (as long as you give them a good discussion about basing your rules on God’s Word alone; don’t just lay down legalistic laws without reasons). Don’t lower your standards.

I Timothy 6:12 tells us to–Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”

Let’s fight the good fight and stand for truth together! But in those moments when you feel alone, keep standing! You will never be sorry!

P.S.  I have made many mistakes in this area–caving in instead of standing–as I am sure many of you have. We need to be very careful not to judge others, but instead encourage and edify one another, gently admonishing and always loving each other.

Embracing Change

Wow.  Twenty-two years ago I got married. I worked full-time for two and a half years and then quit when I had my baby. When that baby was four we started homeschool kindergarten for fun. If it didn’t work, we hadn’t lost anything, right? But it did work. We both loved it. Three more babies came along and as they grew they joined our school room. The oldest baby graduated. That seemed like a good time to put one of the babies into Christian school for high school. And the next year, another baby started her 9th grade year in the Christian school. The plans were to keep the last baby home until 9th grade. But, alas, I was not counting on just how lonely that baby would be without her siblings. How much she desired structure in her education. And how worn out and tired I was of homeschooling.  And, so here we are, the last baby left our home this morning for her first day of school.

I thought that I would homeschool  all of my kids through high school. But God directed us differently.  There are a lot of emotions and questions that go along with a decision like this one.  Are we giving up?  What will my homeschool friends think? How did time move so quickly? Can’t I go back for just a day?

I recently read a book called “Who Moved My Cheese?” I highly recommend it for anyone who is dealing with a lot of change in their lives. It is a short little book that can be read in a half hour. I got it from the library. It is a little parable that opened my eyes to the necessity of embracing change and moving on.  Sitting and mourning for days gone by is not helpful to anyone. It is important to follow God’s leading and then move forth with purpose and confidence.

Change is a constant in our lives. Some changes are big and some are small.  Not cooperating with change doesn’t mean that change will not occur. Of course, there may be a period of mourning and sadness, but in time we need to make a conscious decision to stop looking at the past and set our eyes on the path in front of us.

And, hey, I will always be a homeschool mom at heart.  I will always be learning new things and ready to teach anyone who wants to hear what I have learned.  It is just who I am.

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