Growing 4 Life

Floating the right direction

Leave a Comment / July 25, 2011 July 25, 2011

It was so HOT. Even in the mountains. So we grabbed some tubes and headed to the creek. We were floating gently along, feeling the warm sunshine on our faces, when I felt someone bump into me. My good friend had purposely pushed her husband’s tube away from hers inadvertently towards me. She quipped, “I meant to push him away but not towards another woman!” and we joked about the symbolism of that and I told her it would probably end up in one of my blogs. And here it is!

I couldn’t let that one go. We do that, don’t we? We gently push our spouse away. We don’t plan to push them towards someone else’s arms. That is truly not our intention. Perhaps we just are struggling through something we don’t want to share with them (which is never a good idea, anyway) or maybe we tend to be more solitary and like to be alone or maybe we work too much or focus too much on the kids instead of our spouse.

Sometimes we just would rather watch TV than listen to our best friend talk about his golf game or her trip to the mall. We are too lazy to get up off the chair and look at something they created or fixed or found.

Or perhaps we have become much more comfortable at sharing the negative about them and the positive about others. When men tell their wives they are too fat or too skinny or their feet or nose are too big…that is like giving his wife a giant push away from him. And when a wife tells her husband that “you don’t know what you’re doing” or jokes about his faults in front of their friends…she is doing the same. We need to be so very careful with our words.

And, finally, one day, after years of bad communication patterns, we wake up and our spouse is in someone else’s arms. They are looking towards someone else to meet their needs for love and respect and passion. If they aren’t needed at home then they will go somewhere else. It happens over and over again…each and every day. It is one of the most tragic events in existence. Families crumble, children suffer.

A successful marriage takes so much work. And we make choices to keep our spouse close or to push them away every day. Every marriage goes through cycles, but if it is made up of only pushing away it means your inner tubes are floating further and further away from each other. And the further you float away, the harder it is–the more work it is– to swim back towards each other again.

But it is worth the work! No matter where you find yourself. And today is a good day to start! If you have been struggling giving attention to your spouse, make today a new beginning! Listen to them today. Be kind. And keep that inner tube close to yours, before they float away out of sight!

A humiliating trip to the store

Leave a Comment / July 21, 2011 July 21, 2011

It had been a long day. I had taken my youngest daughter to the city zoo and we were exhausted. I had worn a comfortable outfit and shoes to walk around all day and I am sure my hair was flat from all the heat and humidity. I knew I wasn’t ready for any magazine cover or anything!

I had been looking for a specific piece of furniture and could not find it at home. So we decided to stop at the Crate and Barrel store to look for it. We looked around downstairs for a few moments and then headed upstairs to the furniture area. As our escalator reached the top, there was a salesman standing there. I will never forget his reaction. He very deliberately looked us over from head to toe, decided we didn’t have money, and walked away. I could almost see the wheels turning inside his head.

I wanted to run over and get in his face and let him know that I did have money to spend and who did he think he was, anyway? But, of course, I restrained myself with a few evil glances towards him. Yes, I know that wasn’t the best reaction, either!

Now, I am under no illusion that I am the classiest person around. But to be “told” that by the salesman’s reaction to me was…if I am honest…a bit hurtful. He had glanced at me, judged me, and then condescendingly written me off.

As I left the store, I wondered if I have ever made anyone feel like that? Condescension can take many forms. Before that trip to the store, I had always thought of it in terms of spoken words. After that trip, I realized that condescension can be expressed without ever speaking a word. And judgment can be made without ever knowing any facts, whatsoever.

We have all heard the quote: “don’t judge a book by its cover” and we will flippantly quote it. But we do judge others on outward appearance. And, yet, so often our condescension is unwarranted…because it could very well be that the person I am so callously judging is smarter than me, richer than me, more talented than me.

That salesman made an incorrect judgment that may have cost him a sale. I was really hoping to find the piece of furniture I wanted and deliberately go to a different salesman. I was actually hoping to find several thousands of dollars worth of furniture just to show him! But, alas, I didn’t need several thousand dollars’ worth of furniture nor did I even find the small piece of furniture I came for in the first place. So, we left with a few sundry items and I chalked it up to life experience.

But my conclusion was this: What can you ever lose by being friendly? Nothing. What can you lose by being condescending? A potential friendship, business connection, or, as in this case, a sale.

Philosophizing in the Treehouse

Leave a Comment / July 18, 2011 March 1, 2017

When I was about 8 years old, my dad built a treehouse for my brother and me. We thought it was awesome. We even tried to spend the night out there with our cousins, but ended up too scared and came in the house.

But my most vivid memory from that treehouse was a conversation I had with a neighbor girl. She told me something like this: “Oh, I don’t worry about sinning. I just ask forgiveness from God afterwards. I can do whatever I want, because He forgives me.”

As she spoke them, I remember my little girl mind feeling uneasy. I knew that there was some truth to her words. But the attitude in which she was saying them…the rationalization she was using to permit herself to sin more often was…just wrong.

Sure, I recognize now that she probably heard her very dysfunctional parents say something of the sort. Kids are usually repeating words they have heard at home. I wish I knew what happened to her. I can’t even remember her name. But, suffice it to say, if she went into life with that philosophy, she probably didn’t truly understand Christianity.

And, yet, many of us play around a bit with that philosophy, even if we don’t fully live by it. We have our little hidden, tucked-away sins and we think, “Awww, this is such a small thing and God forgives me, so I guess it doesn’t really matter.”

But it does matter.

You see, while we are all human and will continue messing up, making mistakes, and plain out sinning against God, we should never do so intentionally. We should never think, “I can tell this lie or go to this place or gossip about this person because I know God will forgive me.” Have you ever caught yourself doing that?

How our Heavenly Father must grieve when we sin purposely. Watching us discount and ignore the incredible, sacrificial gift of His Son. Taking advantage of that magnificent grace and mercy that He has bestowed so freely onto us–that magnificent grace and mercy that we didn’t deserve in the first place.

Let’s remember today how much our sin grieves our Heavenly Father. Let’s remember that no sin is a small sin. And let’s never cheapen salvation by continuing in sin.

What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? ²Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? ³Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? ⁴Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. Romans 6:1-4

Gaps

Leave a Comment / July 14, 2011 July 14, 2011

When someone dies unexpectedly or when they hurt us by walking away from a family, from a friendship, from church, from God…we often try to comfort ourselves with the thought that everything will be okay. And it will. But it will never be the same. Because people are not replaceable. People are not like a pair of shoes or a sofa or a new microwave…people are individually designed by God with unique personalities and quirks. People create huge gaps when they are removed from our lives.

Last night I was dead-heading some snapdragons. As I looked at the bed, the plant right in the middle had died. I had seen it struggling but wasn’t quite sure what to do. I couldn’t really figure out what was wrong, since the plants around it were so healthy. Last night I finally did the inevitable. I pulled it out. And it left a large gap right in the middle of my snapdragon bed. A gap that I can’t really do anything about, since the flowers at the markets and nurseries are long gone. I will need to look at that gap until this fall when I rip them all out and can start again next spring. As I ripped that plant out I thought about how much that plant is like a person who has unexpectedly left those who love him.

Oftentimes we have no idea why…why did the flower wilt and die in the middle of healthy plants? Why did that person walk away? Why did God allow that person to die? Just like that large hole left by my snapdragon, people leave large gaps that can’t be filled. We cope, we hurt, and eventually it gets better…less painful. But every time we walk by that flower bed in our mind, we grieve. Eventually, we can focus on the other beautiful snapdragons around the gap. And, thankfully, we have the wonderful gift of memory…and we can remember the snapdragon bed when it was whole and full of bright, happy flowers.

But life changes. A lot. And there just aren’t a lot of fairytale endings. Many of us have watched our marriages wilt, our churches split, a friendship fade away, and loved ones grow sick. This is the world we are in. How we grieve…how we cope…how we move on is critical to our own health and well-being…and often the well-being of our families, as well.

So, how do you grieve in a healthy way? I am not sure I know the answer to that. It is probably a dark, lonely, rocky path we all need to walk alone and it is probably a little bit different for all of us. But a healthy start is probably acknowledging that we have a huge gap in our life left by someone we loved very much…someone who cannot be replaced. And then facing it head-on, accepting this change, and working through that loss without bitterness. Easy to write…a bit harder to live.

What should we really expect from God?

Leave a Comment / July 11, 2011 July 11, 2011

Why does God exist? Many of us treat God like a great genie in Heaven who should give us our every wish and whim and then we stamp our feet with frustration when we don’t get it. But should this be our expectation? Here are a few words of wisdom on this topic from Tozer–

Brethren, we ought to learn—and learn it very soon—that it is much better to have God first and have God Himself even if we have only a thin dime than to have all the riches and all the influence in the world and not have God with it!

John Wesley believed that men ought to seek God alone because God is love, and he advised people in his day: “If anyone comes preaching and tells you to seek anything more than love, do not listen, do not listen!” I think in our day we are in need of such an admonition as, “Seek more of God—and seek Him for Himself alone!” If we become serious-minded about this, we would soon discover that all of the gifts of God come along with the knowledge and the presence of God Himself.

Actually, anything or anyone that keeps me from knowing God in this vital and personal way is my enemy. If it is a friend that stands in my way, the friend is an enemy. If it is a gift that stands between us, that gift is an enemy. It may be an ambition, it may be a victory in the past, it may even be a defeat which still overwhelms me—any of these allowed to stand between the Lord and myself becomes an enemy and may keep me from further knowledge of God.

Have you had any part in this cheapening of the gospel by making God your servant? Have you allowed leanness to come to your soul because you have been expecting that God would come around with a basket giving away presents?

Perhaps some of us have a tendency to think of God standing around and tossing dimes to the children as John D. Rockefeller used to do. Can it be true that Christian believers are engaged in scrambling for those shiny, new dimes and then write a tract about it, such as “I Found a Shiny Dime and It Had the Image of God on It!”

Brethren, let’s not try to compare anything like that with the deep and satisfying knowledge of God Himself. Know Him! Go on to know Him! Then, if anyone comes to quote Scriptures and argue that your experience is all wrong, you can reply, “You are a good expositor—but I happen to know my Lord, and I love Him just for Himself!”

This is all that the Lord desires for us—and it is in this that we fulfill the purpose for which He created us!

—From I Talk Back to the Devil by A.W. Tozer

Who do we think we are fooling?

1 Comment / July 7, 2011 July 7, 2011

I searched through drawers. I searched through my winter bin of clothing. In the closet. Under the bed. In the bathroom. WHERE was my swimming suit? The thing never turned up. Somehow–I will probably never know what happened to it–I had lost the bottom to my bathing suit. Uuggh. I knew what that meant. I would have to purchase a new bathing suit. I HATE bathing suit shopping. Because somewhere in the last 20 years I went from thin to…not thin.

As I searched for the perfect bathing suit, I saw all kinds of words attached to suit tags or descriptions: “tummy control panel” “slimming” “shirring”. Now I ask you– have you ever seen anyone magically transformed by a tummy panel or strategically placed “shirring”? The answer is no. A thousand times no. If I am overweight it doesn’t matter what bathing suit I choose, I will look overweight. Sure, some suits will appear more stylish and slimming, but there is no swimsuit out there that can truly hide what I really look like.

And that got me thinking–we do the same thing with our spiritual lives. We put on church attendance, or sponsoring a third world child, or maybe even “personal devotions” like they are a swimsuit. We hope that these acts will hide our habitual sins. But if we aren’t living our lives to please the Lord, it is obvious to everyone. If we are spending more time at the bar than church…if our conversations are full of criticism and unkind words about others…if we allow things in our homes that would make our grandmother blush with shame…if our bathing suit leaves little to the imagination…if the first thing out of our mouth when we are frustrated is a cuss word…if we are quick to anger…these things are indicative that something is wrong with us spiritually.

We can’t hide it by going to church. Or offering “deep, spiritual” answers to questions in Sunday School. Or by attending a Bible Study at which we appear to be so attentive. We can’t hide it by being part of the worship team or by volunteering at Bible School.

Our true, spiritual selves cannot be hidden…just like our fat cannot be hidden. Sure most people will ignore the fat…and the sin…they see. Or they will broach the subject ever so lightly by a sarcastic remark or a quiet, under-the-breath comment. But everyone sees it. If we are trying to walk the fence between God and the world, we aren’t fooling anyone…except maybe ourselves!

In fact, we are often fooling ourselves, aren’t we? We want to do what we want to do and do not plan on letting anyone, much less God, stop us. And we start thinking that we are spiritually healthy, when we are not. Let’s open our eyes when we read God’s Word, asking the Lord to convict us of the sin in our lives. Let’s ask of every choice we make: which choice will most glorify the Lord? And if we have a friend or parent or mentor who is honest enough to tell us the truth…we need to thank them…and then turn from our sin and keep growing. Because otherwise we are parading along on the beach, thinking we have covered our flaws so spectacularly…when really we haven’t fooled anyone.

James 1:22-25

America the Beautiful

Leave a Comment / July 4, 2011 May 22, 2015

I hope that everyone will take just a few minutes this weekend to contemplate just how amazing the United States of America truly is! No other nation like ours has ever existed. Sure, we have a ton of problems. Sure, we are overloaded with debt. Sure, we have government leaders whose reputations are shrouded with immorality.

But we also have glorious freedom. Freedom to purchase land. Freedom to own a business. Freedom to raise our families. Freedom to go where we want.

We have our basic needs met. The need for shelter. The need for food. The need for clothing.

We not only have our needs met, but so many of our wants, as well. Most of us have multiple televisions, iPads, cell phones, and video game consoles. We own hundreds of books, DVDs, and more music than we will ever listen to. We have cars. We have enough money to go to a nice restaurant or to take the family for ice cream. We go the beach and fly in planes across the country. We can afford to educate ourselves.

Do you realize how many people outside of this country do not have these privileges? Do you realize that many of the world’s population only lives to survive? There is no entertainment. There are no cars. There is no shampoo, soap, or towels. There is hardly any food. No hope for a better life.

We still have the right to stand on a street corner and preach our faith. We can still worship in our churches. We are able to home school our children.

With all that is going on, we tend to focus on the negative. It’s an easy thing to do, as the winds of change seem to be scented with hard times and persecution.

But for today why don’t we celebrate the wonderful? The positive? The amazing privilege of being born in this free and prosperous land? A land in which many people from all parts of the world only dream of living.

Let’s remember that –right here and right now–we are blessed.

Giving Second Chances

Leave a Comment / June 30, 2011 April 5, 2014

Leslie and Kelly — Kelly and I in our freshman year, when we both still had a lot of growing up to do! So glad we were able to give each other a second chance and go on to enjoy a lifetime friendship!

We always hear about taking second chances–but how about giving them? We all know that first impressions are often behind firm opinions we make about others.

But what if your first impression is wrong? What if what you heard them say wasn’t really what they said? What if–in a moment of fear or anger–they said something they didn’t mean? What if that air of arrogance and pride is a wall of protection that has been built by a deeply hurt heart?

But judging on first impressions means two things. First, we make a snap judgement that is often inaccurate and unless that person comes back into our world in a very profound way, we will keep that opinion forever. Second, we lose all opportunity to minister or develop a friendship because we figure they are “too far gone” or “we won’t have anything in common”.

In my freshman year of college–over 25 years ago now– I ended up with a roommate who was about as different from me as you could get. I was the sheltered, opinionated girl from a Christian background. She was the worldly, new believer from a difficult past. We both made very serious judgements about each other, causing our freshman year to be extremely challenging for both of us. By the time it was over, we weren’t speaking much. In fact, all of our sophomore year was mostly spent avoiding each other. But at the beginning of our junior year, we ran into each other and just started chatting and we realized something– we had both grown up a bit. We had both changed. Ironically, and by the grace of God, we developed a strong, wonderful friendship that continues to this day.

That friendship developed because both of us were willing to give the other a second chance. We had to forgive and we had to believe that people can change.

Do you believe that? Do you believe that people can change? Or do you make a snap judgement that you never re-visit? Think about someone who just irritates you or maybe someone you wrote off a long time ago. Think on why you made that decision about them. Have you thought about them lately? Have you considered that they might have changed? Or that maybe…possibly…your original judgement may have been wrong??

Sure, some people never change. And some people make it difficult to give them a second chance. But– if we truly believe that God is God–then we have to believe that God can change people. We should never, ever write someone off as hopeless. And we should never, ever make a permanent decision about someone based on a first impression. But we all do it.

Do yourself a big favor–strike up a conversation with someone you decided you don’t care for–or maybe even downright dislike. You may be surprised. You may realize that you can get along with each other, after all. At the very least, you may gain insight into why that person behaves in the way they do. You may walk away saying you never want to do that again but at least you tried. At least you looked past that one bad impression to see the real person.

When right feels wrong

Leave a Comment / June 27, 2011 June 27, 2011

It is so much easier to do the right thing if our percentages for a positive outcome increase. For example, drinking and driving leads to a much greater chance of an accident…succumbing to a fit of anger leads to strife within your family…stealing could lead to an arrest and jail time.

But…it gets a little harder to do the right thing when the percentages for a positive outcome look a little fuzzy…or even downright nonexistent. What happens then? When you have a friend who is living in sin, do you confront them in love, like the Bible tells us to? Or what about a child who says they will “hate” you if you don’t let them do “X”? Do you stand up for what’s right, even in the face of that heart-breaking statement?

You see, when we choose to do what’s right, we do not always have instant gratification. We do not always see the benefit of that right away. And, frankly, sometimes we never see the benefits.

Many, many years ago, I watched someone confront someone about something that was sinful in their life. It was done with love and grace. But it didn’t really matter…because that person’s heart was hard. And the relationship between them was affected permanently. To my knowledge, it was never restored. So, did the person who did the confronting do the right thing? Yep. Did they have a positive outcome? Nope.

But sometimes you just have to wait for awhile to see the positive outcome. Like, take me, for instance. I have written in journals since I was in 6th grade. One day, while dealing with my own teenagers, I decided to read over what I had written as a teenager. What I found there was surprising. I did not remember the anger…true anger…I felt towards my parents when I was not allowed to do certain things. The anger was shocking! But here I was, 30+ years later, and it had all faded. The only feeling that was left in me was deep appreciation and a grateful heart for my parents’ solid commitment to be obedient to the Lord above all.

So often we find ourselves caving in to the “possible outcomes” instead of doing the right thing. We think through all of the possibilities. And then we grow scared. And we do nothing. But, in the long run, we pay. That friendship you are guarding will grow weaker as you and your friend travel in different directions. That child, who is crying out for boundaries (no matter what their mouth is saying), will often walk away from God, figuring it just doesn’t matter.

But not everything needs a conversation, either. After much experience, I have learned to speak up with much more hesitation and discernment. Let’s be honest–some things…many things…are not worthy to be confronted. And many people who are outside your intimate circle have no interest in listening to you (unless you are their pastor or another spiritual leader). We need to be wise!

If we determine that we need to take the step for a conversation, here are a few other questions to ask that are helpful: Is the sin I see habitual? Is the person committing the sin truly committed to the Lord? Will this sin destroy their life if they continue on in this path?

Doing the right thing is not always easy. In fact, it is often the opposite. But we need to strive to do the right thing in all circumstances. Not just when we can rely on positive results. Easier said than done.

2 Thessalonians 3:13 But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good. ¹⁴ And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. ¹⁵ Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

On traveling to a third world country, part 2

Leave a Comment / June 23, 2011 April 26, 2017

As I have been processing all that I observed and experienced on my trip, I have come up with a list of insights and thoughts. It is not comprehensive, of course, but here are some of the things I realized and learned while on my trip to Haiti–

1. If you have enough food to feed your children you are blessed. If you have enough food to feed yourself, you are doubly blessed.

2. People have very similar emotions and relationships and personalities…no matter where you travel.

3. America is a beautiful place.

4. What I complain and moan about often isn’t all that important.

5. Happiness is not dependent on material wealth.

6. The choices here in this country for just about anything (cereal, paint colors, golf courses) are almost unheard of in other parts of the world.

7. If living for Jesus doesn’t ever take us outside our comfort zone, then we are missing out on some huge blessings.

8. Don’t let the porters at the airport intimidate you into handing over your life savings!

9. Clear, pure water from your faucet is an amazing blessing that most of the world does not have.

10. Sharing the gospel isn’t as hard as we think it is.

11. The sky in Haiti is unspeakably beautiful.

12. Trash Collectors provide us with a wonderful service which we take very much for granted.

13. America is a beautiful place (yes, I know I put that one twice).

14. A person’s conscience will inform them that they are living in sin if they are living with someone of the opposite sex and they are not married.

15. The few flowers I did spot were like beacons of color in a mosaic of brown, sandy dirt and green weeds.

16. Hearing a familiar worship song or hymn sung in a different language is a reminder of how all nations will all worship together in Heaven.

17. If you have a house with electricty and running water, you are in the top 20% of the richest people in the world.

18. God’s timing is impeccable.

19. Heaven must look much sweeter to someone who lives in a barren field, in a small tent, with rice and beans making up 90+% of their diets.

I could go on and on. Mostly, I realized the many blessings I take for granted, but instead should be deeply thankful for. But many of these things are material blessings. And while I realized how rare and unusual it is to enjoy them, I realized something even more important—

20. If we have heard the gospel and embraced it…If we have changed and transformed lives because we are so in love with our Savior…if we are truly saved from our sins and not just making an empty profession…THEN we can claim to be brothers and sisters in Christ. And it doesn’t matter from what country we hail…the color of our skin…or the language we speak. And the joy that can be found worshipping with other brothers and sisters who also love the Lord is unspeakable.