Family

The Blind Spot

2 Comments / September 20, 2012
My car looked a little something like this
– only it was rust-colored!

When we first got married, we owned a rust-colored Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme.  It was a large car, which was fairly typical for the 80’s. The thing about that car is that it had a terrible blind spot.  The back windows were just tiny and there was a large area that made it hard to see if a car was coming.  Very hard.  So one day, as I came to a stop sign at a “Y”, I looked both ways. I pulled out and almost instantly heard a great crash. When it was all over, I had hit a car – a brand new red sports car the driver had just picked up.  Needless to say she, understandably, was absolutely furious with me. It was one of the worst feelings in the world.  I never saw her or her bright red car.

Blind spots are the worst. After that, I took even greater care making sure that I looked both ways and I never did have an accident again (in that car, at least!)  Blind spots are not just in cars, either.  We often see blind spots in people, too.  Everyone sees a very noticeable issue in someone’s life, but the person with the issue just can’t see it.  It may be a naughty or precocious child or a teenager that parents think is perfect (children seem to often be our blind spot, don’t they?)  But it could also be a streak of anger or self-indulgence or rebellion that the person can’t see in themselves, but is glaringly obvious to everyone else.  It may be a lack of discipline in finances or eating or drinking, that someone is blinded to think is under control, even though everyone around them knows it is not. It may even be how someone views God’s Word – as if they are the authority and whatever they believe it to say is “truth”, giving no heed to historical Christianity or the interpretation of godly men. They are blinded by their own arrogance and pride.

Blind spots can cause a lot of problems. We don’t want to speak and offend. And, oftentimes, if we do – in the case of dear family members and friends – they can’t see it, anyway, and it just causes a rift in the relationship. So I am not here to write about the blind spots of others but, instead, about our own blind spots.  How do we make sure we aren’t hindered and hurting others by our own blind spots?  How do we make sure to live a life pleasing to the Lord despite the inevitable blind spots?

Here are a few suggestions:

1.  Ask the Lord to show you any area where you may be blinded. Ask Him to make it clear to you if you are not seeing your children, or your faults, or His Word with clarity and accuracy.  I have prayed this prayer many a time.  Sometimes I didn’t really like the answer!  Sometimes the truth hurts. But, in the long run, it hurts a lot less than living under false beliefs.

2.  Stay in God’s Word.  For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)  The Bible shows us where we are blind.  If we read and study it, it pierces our soul with conviction.  If we are listening to godly preaching, we are made aware of areas we need to grow. Only through keeping ourselves immersed in God’s Word, studying and listening to biblically solid and strong preaching and teaching are we challenged to keep growing in the faith.

3.   When the Lord does show you a blind spot, be humble enough to accept it and then work to change it.  It is so hard to be teachable, isn’t it?  My first instinct is to lash out in a defensive spirit or blame others. But it is only by being teachable that we can become better people and grow more like Christ. And once we become aware of something (through prayer and God’s Word) it is much easier to recognize it when it crops up. For instance, I recognize, all these years later, that if I am tired or hormonal, I get very grumpy. I used to deny it (silly of me) and blame everyone else for my bad day, but now I am fully aware of this tendency and, while I still get grumpy, I am realistic about it’s origin and try my best to keep it short-lived.  This is because I am looking at it realistically and with open eyes, instead of blindly blaming other people for what is my own problem.

 

Do you have a blind spot today? It is my guess that we all have them – even if they are not obvious to the world around us.  Through prayer and God’s Word we can become aware of them and then the Holy Spirit will comfort and guide us as we work at changing and fixing problem areas.  The Christian life is hard work, but the rewards are great. It is so important to keep this in mind, in our mega-instant world, as we continue to grow more like Christ in a very “anti-Christ” world.

Help! I don’t know how to feel?

Leave a Comment / September 17, 2012
Making memories in the “first” truck

The other day my son was cleaning out his old truck in preparation for his new truck. As he worked, he shared his hesitation with me. Was he doing the right thing? This was his very first truck. The one he was buying was newer, nicer, niftier. But this was his first truck. He was excited about his new truck, but kind of sad about saying good-bye to his old truck.

Boy, do I know how he feels.  As I was traveling to my mom’s the other day, I was experiencing the same feelings.  You see, my mom and dad are moving, and so I was headed there to help sort through some things. As I made the turn at the pizza shop, I realized I wouldn’t be making this turn many more times. As I approached their development, my heart grew heavy, realizing that this home – my home for over 1o years and the only “grandma’s house” my kids had ever known – was going to be lived in by strangers.

And, yet, it meant my parents were moving closer to me. Instead of a half hour to visit them, my trip was cut in half at less than 15 minutes.  They are moving to a house that takes a lot less care. That’s a good thing for them.  And my dad felt it was so important that they didn’t leave a lifetime of stuff  for my brother and I to sort through years down the road, that they are going through all of their accumulated stuff now, while they are in good health. And that is a good thing.

And, so…how do I feel?  How do you feel happy and sad all at once?

Change is so tricky. No matter what the change is – whether a new vehicle, a new home, a new church, new friends, new school, new job – you name it, change brings a boatload of feelings along with it.  Feelings that confuse and bewilder.  Many times we resent change, and then years later, we see the good God was working through it all. Sometimes change comes suddenly and we can’t see any good at all…not in the present and not down the road.

And yet, through it all, God is faithful. God truly does work all things together for good for those that love Him.  I truly wish I could express just how grateful I am to my heavenly Father, who meets us in all of our changes, no matter how big or how small. He steps in and works in little, awesome ways to make change bearable. Unless we have experienced it for ourselves, it is truly hard to understand.

And, so, yes, change is a big part of all of our lives. And change will always bring conflicting feelings within us. But God doesn’t change and, more often than not, He uses change to prove Himself faithful and trustworthy. Praise be to Him!

Niceness Doesn’t Always Equal Goodness

2 Comments / September 13, 2012

A few years ago, we had a young man stay in our home as part of a ministry team that was visiting our church. He was a kind, courteous, and handsome young man with a sense of humor to boot – just the kind of boy a mother dreams of for her daughter.  In fact, I joked around with my daughter about what a great catch he would be.

It wasn’t until a few months later that we started becoming aware of who this young man really was inside, where it counts.  We learned of his values, his entertainment choices, and his activities. And, several years later, we realized the depth of this grown-up boy’s sinful lifestyle (thank you, Facebook!)

You see, we can’t always tell a person’s true character by their niceness.  Although we do tend to do that, don’t we?  I find myself thinking that so-and-so is SO NICE, therefore they must be spiritually solid and strong.  And sometimes that would be true. But it isn’t always true.

Facebook is a wonderful tool to use to help us discern if someone loves the Lord more than anything else.  I can’t tell you the amount of times I have met someone who is incredibly nice in how they treat others, but when I see their facebook page I see ungodly pictures and language and choices on their info page and on their wall and I realize that their heart is far from God and is instead solidly entrenched in the activities of the world.

We can be as nice as nice can be, but that doesn’t make up for worldliness, or selfishness, or immodesty. Of course, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes – even on Facebook.  But we need to be discerning, especially when we are praying for spouses for our children.

As parents, let’s be careful not to make niceness a priority over spiritual health. Yes, our child’s choice should be nice – but the niceness should be an outflow of the potential mate’s choice to love and follow God with all of his/her heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30).

Choosing a spouse will be the second biggest decision our children will ever make (the first is to choose to follow or reject Jesus).  We need to be there to give wise counsel and guidance, helping them to discern if the niceness is indicative of a transformed life or simply a personality trait.

My Held Hand

2 Comments / September 6, 2012

The adorable two year old skipped by her daddy’s side.  She was trying awfully hard to behave and when daddy reached for her hand, she said “No!” and pulled away.  Thankfully, she had a very wise daddy who insisted. He grabbed her hand and together they walked along.  As they walked, in her excitement and immaturity, she would slip and almost fall but her daddy would hold her up. When she strayed to look at some interesting distraction, he would gently guide her back onto the path. And when a car came swerving around the corner, daddy whisked her out of the way.  He could do that because he was strong. Way stronger than the little girl.

Isn’t this just like God?  I was challenged by just this illustration last night at church. So often I try to do it all by myself. I skip along and ignore God and then I get discouraged when I can’t do it. But, if I am a believer, God is there to protect, comfort, and guide–just like that little girl and her daddy.  When we fall, God is there to pick us up.  Where we are weak, He is strong.  And when we stray off the path, if we hold tight to His hand and follow Him, He will get us back where we need to be.

I don’t know about you, but as I was listening last night, I felt a wave of relief  upon hearing that.  Funny thing was, I knew all of this already.  But, here lately, I had been trying to win some of my battles on my own.

I am ready to give my best this morning with the knowledge that someone far greater and more powerful than myself is always there – to catch me, to guide me, and to steady me.  Thank you, Lord, for that reminder last night.

Jesus loves me, this I know.  For the Bible tells me so.  Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  The Bible tells me so.

Celebrating Work

2 Comments / September 3, 2012

Most of us do not enjoy working. We live for the weekends and the rest of the week is just what we need to get through to get to them. This is very unfortunate, because if you do your math, 71% of your week is made up of week days.  Only 29% are considered weekend days.  Of course, if you throw Friday nights in there it might be a little higher.

Do you enjoy what you do?  Are you able to glorify and praise God as you work in the office, flip hamburgers, fix somebody’s leaky faucet, repair a car engine, buy stocks on Wall Street, argue in the court room, plow a field, cut hair, pick parts on an assembly line, or change a diaper?

I believe our true character is what shows when we are working. It’s not hard to be happy and light-hearted when we are doing something we enjoy. But when we are going through the daily grind of wherever the Lord has placed us, then it becomes a little harder.  Even if we generally love what we do, we all have bad days…days when we wonder how we ended up in this job…days when we wonder if there couldn’t possibly be something better out there.

Labor Day was created to pay tribute to the contributions and achievements of American workers. It was created by the labor movement in the late 19th century and became a federal holiday in 1894.  Whether we are one of the highest paid doctors in the country or a stay at home mom raising the next generation, if you live in the United States, you are an  American worker.   Are you able to thank the Lord for the blessing of your job this Labor Day?  There are many who do not have one and wish they did.

Let’s spend today enjoying picnics with family and friends, but let’s not forget to thank God for the privilege to work.

Safe or on the edge?

9 Comments / August 30, 2012

Have you ever seen one of those TV nature shows about lions and their prey?  On the TV screen we see hundreds of  innocent wildebeests standing there innocently while a lion quietly prowls on the edge of the herd looking for the weaker ones.  The lion waits and watches.  A few of the wildebeests look up and sniff the air, sensing that something isn’t right.  A sense of unrest permeates the air.  And then, at just the right moment, the lion starts running towards the pack at high speed.  This sets them all in a frenzy and they start running – all of them – in the same direction.  Unfortunately, there are always a few stragglers.  They are sickly, or weak and old, or perhaps young and naive. We watch as the lions chooses his prey and then pounces on it.  His powerful claws rip into its fur and take it down to its knees. And then he uses his powerful jaws to kill the poor, innocent creature.  About that time, they break to commercial and we are left feeling sad and sorry for the ill-fated beast that met death so violently.

Did you ever think about why Peter talks about the devil being like a lion?   I Peter 5:8 says: Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.  

I think Peter wrote that because he knows that we are just like those wildebeests.  Some of us are leaders in the pack and we are the ones that shout “run” and lead the pack away from danger.  Others of us aren’t leaders but we are careful to keep ourselves protected by keeping our eyes open and staying safely away from the edges.  And then there are those of us who just seem to always want to be occupying the edge.  We are crippled and weak spiritually and we can’t keep up with the group. Or we are naive and think we don’t need Jesus to help us live on a daily basis, trying to make it on our own strength.

And then there are those who are weak just because of where they find themselves in life.  Some are young and naive and need our protection from pride and foolish choices as they grow in discernment and wisdom.  Some are old and weak and need our help to protect them from falling prey to things like depression, loneliness, and self-pity.

I know it is not very flattering to compare people to a great big bunch of wildebeests, but I find it amazing how God directed Peter to write that verse about the devil.  We can never forget that the devil is seeking to devour us!  He is setting temptations before us and he is spotting the weak and sickly Christians among us.  And while he can never take our salvation away, he is trying to destroy our faith and render us ineffective for the cause of Christ.  He is trying to steal our joy and our peace.  He is trying to extinguish our gospel light.

The sad thing is we often allow him to do so, don’t we?  We become so disenchanted with life and so frustrated by outward circumstances that we are often rendered ineffective.  Or we become so enamored with the world that we lose sight of what is most important in life.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be one of those poor creatures on the edges.  I would prefer to remain safely among godly Christian friends and leaders.  I want to help encourage and protect. But it is only by relying on Jesus  and filling our minds with His Word and praying without ceasing that we can elude the clutches of the roaring lion.

Mind Clutter

Leave a Comment / August 27, 2012

On Saturday the girls and  I spent a good part of our day cleaning our shop office for an upcoming Open House.  It hadn’t been cleaned for years so it was extremely dirty.  We scrubbed and swept and sprayed.  As we cleaned we came across old catalogs and coffee makers and phone books.  The cabinets and shelves were filled with things that no one ever uses anymore.  We started piling the unused things in two piles – to give away and to burn.  All of that stuff took up precious room in our office and was serving no purpose whatsoever.  A couple of hours after we had begun, we were able to walk away from that office knowing we had not only cleaned it but cleared it of the unnecessary clutter, as well.  It was a good feeling.

Of course, as usual, that got me thinking.  Do we do that in our minds, too?  Could it be that it is time to do a good cleaning of our minds and rid it of the clutter that has settled there?   Things like:

–Opinions and feelings formulated about others before we really knew them.  Maybe we never even gave them a chance because we made an assumption about them ten years ago.

–Past hurts and failures that keep popping up whenever we try to accomplish anything.  Oh, I know there are some things we can never forget, but those things belong in the basement of our minds…not in family room where we see them every time we turn around.

–Awards, special prizes, and trophies.  I know the world would tell you to keep these things at the very forefront of your mind to help you remember how special you are, but I would beg to differ.  I find that these things tend to lead to pride and arrogance and it is better if they, too, are packed away in the basement.

–Grudges, resentments, and ill will towards others.  These things need to be put on the burn pile.  Burn them up and leave them in the ashes.  They do no good to anyone.  I am truly shocked at how many Christians hold grudges.  Someone didn’t treat my child right on the soccer team…a teacher who didn’t understand my child…An unfair boss…malicious gossip behind my back…a misunderstood comment directed my way…we rationalize that any real or imagined offense directed towards us or someone we love gives us the right to hold a grudge.  But may I remind you– grudges are truly worthless.  They not only are worthless but they often cause great harm. They deserve no space in our minds whatsoever.

–Worry and Fear take up needless amounts of effort, energy, and mind space, don’t they?  They crowd our minds sometimes until we can’t even focus on anything else.  They, too, need to be put on the burn pile.  We would be much better off to fill the shelves of our minds with Trust and Faith.

And so, many of us have our minds cluttered with this stuff instead of leaving that space for the good things.  Philippians 4:8 is one of my favorite verses:

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Let’s think on things that encourage and edify and help us to grow in our relationships with God and others.  Life is just too short to spend it with a cluttered mind.

Invisible Pain

Leave a Comment / November 1, 2012

All of us will have times in our lives where we suffer pain that is very obvious to those around us – the illness or death of a loved one, a fire that destroys our possessions, a wayward child, or a divorce.  But then there are the times that we suffer very invisibly.

Everything looks like it should be okay from the outside looking in.  And no one could guess that we are falling apart on the inside.  Invisible pain may be due to a chronic illness that we choose not to discuss.  It may be due to a marriage that is falling apart inside the home, but maintains its perfect picture to those outside of it.   It may be the betrayal of a friend or family member.  Or it may be a high stress job where we are called to compromise our faith or perhaps we are even living under the threat of losing a job.  Many times it is as simple as there isn’t enough money to pay the bills and it’s causing great turmoil in our home.  It may even be struggling through the consequences of past sin that only we know about – an abortion, a child put up for adoption, an affair.  Whatever it is, it is personal and private and only those closest to us realize we are suffering.  And maybe we haven’t told another soul…maybe only God knows.

There is one certain thing about invisible pain:  it is a lonely place to be.   Whether we are watching a soccer game, working at our job , or shopping for groceries, the invisible pain follows us.  It is constantly just a thought away in our minds.  And yet we remain silent.

This has happened to me several times throughout my life.  I was suffering deeply and to the rest of the world everything looked perfect.  I have learned from those experiences that looks can be deceiving.  I can’t automatically assume that all is perfect in someone else’s world just because it looks like it is to me. It makes me think of one of those bright, shiny, red apples.  It looks perfectly delicious.  You can’t imagine it being anything other than fresh and crunchy inside.  And then you take that first bite. The apple is tasteless and sandy.  Just because everything looks perfect on the outside, doesn’t mean it is perfect on the inside.

We may not be in the position to know what is going on in their life, but it is important to have a realistic view of people.  All people struggle through tough times.   There is no one alive – whether they live in a 45,000 square foot mansion in Hollywood or a hut in Haiti– who doesn’t face tough times at one time or another.  We all do.  And many of our struggles are not noticeable to the rest of the world. We can never assume that someone who looks put together on the outside feels the same way on the inside.

So let’s be kind and considerate in our relationships with each other, always edifying and encouraging.  And if we find out that someone is struggling silently, let’s come along side and offer our love and support instead of gossip and malicious words behind their back. Let’s share the love of Jesus, so that we will never be filled with regret in how we treated someone.  It is likely that you will run into someone who is struggling through incredible, invisible pain today.  Brighten their day with a warm smile and an encouraging word.  And let’s be careful not to make assumptions about others.

I Thessalonians 5: 14-15 Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.

P.S. I can’t help think, as I write this, about my run-in with the old man at the mall this week.  I wish I would have responded differently. I actually wrote this blog post before that happened, and I am finding myself filled with regret at not handling that with a smile and kind words.  Just because I can write good things, doesn’t mean I always live them.  Please…never hold me up as any kind of perfect model.  I wish I was, but alas, I am just a woman who loves the Lord and likes to write.

Wednesday Wisdom: Empty Me

3 Comments / August 22, 2012

Yesterday, I sent my daughters to get a head start in a clothing store, while I made a quick stop at the AT&T store.  As I crossed the aisle to find my daughters, I saw a tall, thin, older man walking with purpose.  He had a thick head of grayish white hair parted to the side and big, dark-rimmed glasses and looked quite dignified.  I hesitated, thinking he may let me step in front of him, but not wanting to assume anything.

He barreled towards me and as he got close, he glared at me and said in a hard voice, “you’re wrong if you think I’m moving” and continued walking past me.  I don’t think I have ever been so surprised in my life!  To be so rudely treated was surprising but for it to be by someone so dignified-looking, well, I think you could have knocked me over with a feather.  Well, at least after I yelled after him that he was quite a gentleman!  (probably shouldn’t have done that…)

This world is so full of people who only care about their agenda, their purposes, and their lives.  And the scary thing is– if I am not careful, I can quickly become one of them.  It is so easy to get caught up in my own selfish world.

A few years ago, a young man named Chris Sligh sang the following song.  I can never listen to this song without feeling convicted of my selfishness.  I think how true it is that selfish ambitions are vain and that pride is like a poison and then I sing along with Chris, “empty me of me, so I can be filled with You”.

EMTPY ME

I’ve had just enough of the spotlight
When it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood
And I’ve tasted my share
Of the sweet life
And the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough

I know how i can stray
And how fast my heart could change

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you

I’ve seen just enough of the quick buys
Of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away

I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change
Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you

‘Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you
Compared to you
‘Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you
So I surrender all

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you.
Filled with you
Empty me

 

You can listen to this song here.

24 Years

6 Comments / August 20, 2012

24 Years ago, I sat on my parents’ porch in the early morning hours, wondering if I knew what in the world I was doing.  A few hours later I was wearing a beautiful white dress and walking down the aisle to marry the love of my life.  We were two kids in love, ready for adventure!  24 years ago, we were quite clueless as to what the word “marriage” really meant.

We are no longer clueless.

For 24 years I have looked at the same face when I have gone to sleep.  For 24 years, I have seen the same face come home at night.  We have had 24 years of rejoicing, fighting, laughing, and arguing with the same person. 24 years of changes and more changes. Changing houses, changing cars, changing employees, changing churches. For almost 22 of those years, we have had children in our home and have prayed, cried, and cheered as they grow into adulthood.  For 24 years we have run a business together, sometimes disagreeing about how to spend money, who to hire, and how many hours to work.  24 years of making tough decisions and hard choices — but always discussing them together.  For 24 years, he has tried to love me and I have tried  to submit to his loving leadership.  Both of us have failed often in our biblical roles, but we dust ourselves off and continue to try. 24 years of talking about our feelings, talking about our problems, sharing our hearts, being careful not to leave any grievances fester for too long. Some of those years have been tougher than others. We don’t always agree. Although, ironically enough, the older we get the less we argue.  For some funny reason, we are becoming more alike as we age. For 24 years we have found marvelous friendship in each other.  24 years of love and passion with just one person. 24 years of completely trusting one another in the vows made so long ago. For 24 years, we knew that neither of us was going anywhere, no matter how bad it got.  Sure, sometimes, one of us would angrily cry out “I guess I’ll just leave!” but we both knew it would never happen. Not in a million years. For 24 years we have watched each other grow older and fatter and, yet, it has not diminished our love for each other. In fact, if anything, we love each other more. We are so far from perfect and yet, somehow, we love, forgive, and grow closer.

How can this be?  It is the marvelous mystery of marriage. What a wonderful gift from our Creator!

Tomorrow, I may, once again, feel really frustrated about something my husband does or says. But for today, I feel tremendously blessed.

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