Christianity – Page 58 – Growing 4 Life

O, to be Like a Crossing Guard

Leave a Comment / November 17, 2011 November 12, 2024

Each morning I pass by a busy intersection near our local middle school. And every morning, I see the same lady faithfully directing traffic and protecting children. She stands with confidence and is dressed appropriately for the conditions, whether there is sunshine, rain, wind, or the dangerous fog. She is observant and always on her guard because any lapse of judgment would put the children she protects in great peril. And, given it is middle school children she directs, I can imagine that the “thank yous” are few and far between. She has also probably put up with a couple of obscene gestures and angry drivers, as well. But she keeps doing her job. Because she is dedicated to that job and takes it seriously.

There are a few lessons we Christians can learn from crossing guards–

1. We, too, should know what our job is and do it with confidence. God’s Word tells us the “job” description of a true believer in Jesus Christ. We should know what that is according to scripture and then go about it with confidence. There is such an emphasis on tolerance in this culture, that many of us, while being and looking like true believers in our hearts and homes, are not so confident out in the middle of the intersection. Fearfully, we “kind of” tell those who don’t know Christ to slow down and consider their eternity, but we are afraid to offend anyone by saying “Stop! Do you know where you are spending eternity?”

2. We should stand strong in all types of weather. It is hard to do our job when tough times come. And tough times are not just the big stuff, like job change, death, or divorce. Sometimes tough times can be a long week of being unable to sleep at night. Or they may come with a child who is simply downright difficult. For some, it is related to children leaving the home or perhaps intrusive in-laws. We all have different weather conditions we face. But I think it is safe to say, we all experience different types of weather. Just like the crossing guard shows up and does her job, no matter what the weather, so we, too, should be standing strong with Jesus, no matter what the weather.

3. We should be dressed appropriately. Ephesians 6: 10-20 gives a vivid description of the armor of a Christian. Paul describes how we should be covered from our heads to our toes. And, yet, so many of us are missing a piece of armor. Perhaps it is Truth that is to be girded around our waist, or maybe the Breastplate of Righteousness. It could even be the Shield of Faith. But no matter what it is, when we are missing our armor, we become very vulnerable to our enemy. Any chink in our armor becomes a target, where we can be attacked and destroyed. We need to make sure we have on the whole armor of God, as Paul teaches us in this passage.

4. Apathy puts our children in peril. If the crossing guard was not paying close attention to what she was doing, the children would be in great danger. If she stood on the corner lazily smoking a cigarette, the intersection would become a difficult and very hazardous place for the children she has pledged to protect. Why is it any less important for us as we guard the hearts and minds of our children (and also for the baby Christians that are watching us)? We can never let our guards down. We can never stop striving to discern, protect, and make decisions that please the Lord both within our family lives and in our public spheres. There is no time this is tested more than when you have teenagers. Oh, the many times I have been tempted to throw my hands up in the air and shout, “I am tired! Do what you want! I don’t care!” At those moments, it is my husband who tells me, “we have to care! We cannot grow tired!” How thankful I am for his perseverance. It is critical to have this perseverance when raising children. To not have it is to put their souls in great danger. We need to parent with a purpose. We are responsible for these children God has entrusted to us. We can never grow apathetic or lazy in this duty! But this perseverance and purpose can’t disappear when our children are grown, it has to continue on as we strive to set a godly example for all those who come after us.

5. We can’t care too much about what people think of us. As most of us have already learned, there is very little thanks that comes for standing what is right. More often, we are attacked. But if we are standing on God and what His Word says, then we can stand with courage and confidence. What would happen if that crossing guard walked dejectedly out of the intersection every time an angry driver made an obscene gesture? And, yet, so many of us walk dejectedly away when we are criticized or someone disagrees with us. While we are to be at peace with all men to the best of our ability (Romans 12:18), we are never instructed to compromise. So, while we need to go about standing for truth with love and grace, it is important that we stand. Not saying anything when God’s Word is being compromised is sinful. We can never afford to back down when Truth is attacked. May we stand strong even when the heat of the fire starts to burn us!

As Christians, we have been called to be salt and light. God gives us everything we need to know in His Word. May we be like that crossing guard, standing in all types of weather, dressed appropriately, and always persevering. May we give little heed to those who criticize us unjustly. And may we hear “well done, good and faithful servant,” when we meet God face to face.

Which matters more?

Leave a Comment / November 14, 2011 November 14, 2011

Casey said “I love you so much, mom!” and gave her mother a big hug as she walked out the door. She was headed to her boyfriend’s house, where they would be alone for the next 2 hours. She was disobeying something her mother had specifically told her not to do. So what did her words mean?

Jack passionately kissed his wife good-bye and said, “I love you, honey”, before he walked out the door to meet his mistress for lunch. What did his words mean?

“You are my best friend! I am so thankful for you!” is what Marta heard in her ears…the day before Janet betrayed her deepest secret. What did her words mean?

Which said love? The words? Or the actions? The words are great—if they match the actions. If we truly love someone, we show it with our actions.

So how does this transfer to our spiritual life? Thousands of people across America sing their hearts out, dance to the worship music, raise their hands, and feel “close to God” each week during Worship. But if they are living like they want, giving no heed to God and His Word the rest of the week…are they really “close to God”? The answer is no. It is not possible to live in disobedience and still be close to God. Is it possible that we are being fooled into thinking we are close to God? Perhaps the music, the words, the raised hands are giving us a false sense of closeness. Perhaps we are not really close at all.

This is not about judging the sin in the lives of others. This is about common sense. Just as a child cannot have a close relationship with his parents if he is living in rebellion to their rules and wishes, so it is impossible for anyone to have a close relationship with God if he is living in rebellion and disobedience to God’s commandments and desires.

And yet, if you had the opportunity to peek in worship centers across the country each week, you would see thousands of people raising their hands and “feeling” close to God. Are some of these feelings genuine? Of course. Absolutely. But if we are living in sin–according to the Bible’s definition and without conviction; without any effort to change–then our feelings are deceiving us. How we feel when we worship is irrelevant to the truth.

It is sobering to think about and yet so important. You see, our Sunday worship time should simply be an extension of the rest of our week. Worship is so much more than one hour during the week. It is about how we live our whole life. May we live with a heart that longs to please God with every moment of every day and may we not be deceived by feelings that are oh, so fleeting.

John 14:23-24 Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father’s who sent Me.

The faith of a child

Leave a Comment / November 10, 2011 November 10, 2011

When I was around 9 years old, we had a miniature dachshund named Romeo that I loved dearly. I don’t really think he loved me that terribly much. But he was very patient with me, as I played with him, dressed him up, and basically tortured him. If any dog, no matter what size, dared to cross our property line, he would run towards it, ferociously barking, and then back away and let our Labrador do the real work of keeping us safe.

For some reason I don’t remember, my parents decided it wasn’t going to work to keep him and they needed to find him a good home somewhere else.

I was heartbroken. He left and we all moved on. But I prayed that he would return. I was 9. I didn’t know that God “doesn’t care” about such things. And so I prayed.

And then came that day, a few months later, when the phone rang. It was the family who had taken him. He was a great dog but some circumstance in their life prevented them from keeping him. They wondered–do we want him back? They wanted to check with us before they found him a different home.

As my mom and dad discussed this at the dinner table, they pondered what they should do. About that time, I piped up in my childish voice, “I have been praying that he would come back!”

At that point what choice did they have?–as my mom laughingly points out when she retells the story. And so, Romeo came back to live with us.

But I think we all learned a lesson that day, even my parents. I had been innocently “casting all my care upon Him” (I Peter 5:7) and He was building the faith of a little child and her family by the unlikely and amazing return of a dog to its previous owners. And when I think back upon that, even all of these years later, I view that event as a building block in the ever-increasing faith and trust in my loving Heavenly Father that has continued to develop over the years.

Do not ever think that God doesn’t care about the little stuff. Oh, we don’t always get what we want and, often, those seemingly unimportant prayers will go unanswered. But every now and then God will give us an answer so clear and so specific that we realize that it could have only been by His intervention and, once again, we are reminded that He knows all and He truly does care.

And so we thank Him for those obvious answers to prayer and realize that He is working, as only He knows how, even when we do not get the answer we want. And we continue to trust and to cast our cares upon Him. How thankful I am that He has shown me how much he cares, not only in my own life, but in the lives of others; not only about the important issues of life, but sometimes about the insignificant “stuff”. If we have put our faith and trust in the God of the Bible and the message within its pages, then we serve a Living God! Praise be to Him.

What hunting, running, and following God have in common

4 Comments / November 7, 2011 November 7, 2011

The air was cold and it was still dark as my son stepped outside with his bow. It was around 5am and he was headed to a special location he had picked in the woods to wait for the elusive 8-point buck we had seen frequently over the past few weeks. It was a Saturday morning and he could have slept in. But instead he had given up his sleep and his time (and I would even add his comfort…brrr!) to indulge in this pastime we call hunting. He also sacrificed quite a bit of his money to buy the items necessary for this hobby. I am glad he enjoys it and I am rooting for him to find that buck and fill my freezer. But I find it interesting that the time and money he spends on this hobby does not feel like a sacrifice to him because he wants to do it.

You see others who love the sport of running. I mean love it…not merely like it. Have you seen those people? They run in all kinds of weather. They are covered from head to toe on the cold, rainy mornings and wearing expensive, “moisture wicking” shorts and tanks on those hot, humid days. Maybe you are one of them. Many runners sacrifice their time, comfort, and money for this sport. Running is a great sport for fitness, but it takes sacrifice.

There are any number of pastimes, hobbies, and passions that we gladly sacrifice for, aren’t there? We all have favorite activities for which it is a pleasure to sacrifice our time, money, and even our comfort. And, if in the proper balance, these things are wonderful blessings to us. I thank the Lord that most of us have available hours and dollars to participate in these activities. In the not so distant past, people did not have the luxury of extra hours or extra dollars. We are truly blessed!

But I wonder–why are we so unwilling to make the same sacrifices for God?

Do our fellow church members only see our faces at the weekly worship service? Do we always have something else to do when there is something going on at church? Maybe we have even gotten out of the habit of going to church at all. But we need to remember that church was designed to help us to grow and deepen our walk with God.

And many of us say that we don’t have time for prayer and Bible study, and yet, like the hunter or the runner, we could get up early in the morning to do these things. We could carve time out of somewhere to do this…if we really wanted to.

We now have Saturday evening services in many churches because people don’t want to get up on Sunday mornings or perhaps they have some other activity scheduled for that day. Of course, a Saturday evening service isn’t wrong, in and of itself. I realize some people need to work on Sunday and that Saturday evening services are a real blessing to them. I just wonder about the pattern I see to keep pushing God to a more and more convenient time, without a willingness to make a sacrifice for Him.

You see, we find the time, and often the money, to do the things we want to do. We sacrifice our sleep and our comfort for the pastimes and activities that are important to us. Most of us (myself included) do not bring the same willingness and desire to our relationship with God, as we do to our hobbies and favorite activities. Why is that? Why aren’t we as passionate about God as we are about running or hunting or our favorite sports teams? I don’t know the answer to that.

But I do know that the more time you spend with God, the more passionate you become about being with Him. The more you make Him a priority in your life, the more you actually enjoy your time with Him. The more you contemplate how He would respond or what He would do in a given situation, the more natural it becomes to think on Him.

I know that when that alarm goes off at 5am, my son does not want to get out of his warm bed. But he does it because the (possible) payoff is worth it to him. When the runner dons the appropriate clothing and heads out into the elements, he believes the payoff is worth the sacrifice. And often they don’t feel like getting up and going out into the cold, but they do it anyway.

May we bring the same willingness to sacrifice and dedication to our relationship with God. Doing what we should do, no matter what we feel like, realizing that the payoff will be great!

Counting to Ten

Leave a Comment / November 3, 2011 November 3, 2011

Last Friday night Macy, our Chocolate Labrador Retriever, had puppies. This was a brand new experience for her and for our family. We really had no clue what we were doing. Neither did she. She went into labor around 10:30pm at night and I think all of us were on edge. After reading that they stay in the beginning stage of labor for six to eighteen hours, we decided to go to bed. Around midnight, my husband went to check on her.

When he found her she had already had one puppy. Have you ever seen a dog look bewildered? The wet, slimy little guy was lying on the floor all alone crying and Macy was huddled in a corner, staring at him and looking completely bewildered. But, after birthing the 11th puppy, she was getting the hang of things.

Sadly, we lost the smallest puppy early in the morning. She was only half the size of the others. We did all we could, but she was just too weak. And so we were left with ten squirming, furry bodies to care for for the next eight weeks.

This began the “count”. We all find ourselves counting. Are all ten accounted for? Are all ten breathing? Are all ten growing properly? It is quite natural now to walk in there and count to ten. Sometimes we are short one and we find it under a blanket or pushed to a corner, behind Macy. But, as she gets used to being a mom, we worry a little less each time we check on them. As she grows into being a “mom”, she is becoming wiser. But we will keep counting.

Can you see where I am going with this? 2 Corinthians 13:5 tells us to examine ourselves, to see whether we are in the faith. Just like we count to ten every time we go in that room that holds the puppies, so we should constantly be “counting to ten” in regards to our walk with God. There are a few checkpoints we can examine that will act like a barometer for the health of our spiritual life. Things such as:

–Are we studying God’s Word? Be careful here not to replace Bible Study with a 5 minute devotional written by a man or woman. While these can be good and challenging, don’t let them replace study of God’s Word.

–Are we praying? Do we have a regular time in prayer with God? And do we spend time praising Him and praying for others, or are our prayers focused mostly on ourselves?

–What does my heart desire when it comes to shopping, entertainment, or how I spend my time? Do I desire things that would line up with His Word…with what pleases Him?

–Am I loving others? Am I thinking outside my own selfish world, to see (and meet) the needs of hurting people around me?

This is a short list. Many things could be added. In fact, perhaps each of our lists looks differently, as we all struggle with different things. Perhaps some of us would add things like: Have I had outbursts of selfish anger? Or have I lied this week?

As we grow more mature in Christ, our list will change. We may overcome the lying, but perhaps will realize that we have a problem with submitting to our husband. We will grow wiser and not as susceptible to false teaching and temptation. But we need to always be examining our lives in light of the Bible. We can never stop being vigilant in our walk with God.

In the event we do find a puppy who isn’t growing at a good rate, we take the necessary steps to ensure it is getting enough to eat. We need to do the same thing for our souls. We need to make sure it is getting the healthy “food”–the bread of life– so that we can continue to spiritually grow properly. All is not lost when we find a puppy who is not growing. Adjustments just need to made. But you do not know a puppy is not growing unless you are counting…weighing…paying attention. We need to do the same in light of our walk with God.

Just like we are constantly counting to ten to make sure all of the puppies are alive and well and growing, so we all need to be checking to make sure our souls are alive and well and growing.

The little girl on the beach

Leave a Comment / October 31, 2011 May 24, 2015

The little girl on the beach was investing all of her childish energy into making obscure shapes in the sand and digging holes to find the tiny sand crabs and the water beneath the surface. It was the perfect pastime on this hot summer day. After awhile, she realized that she hadn’t seen a familiar face for awhile. She looked up towards the mosaic of colorful towels, beach umbrellas, and bathing-suit clad crowds all along the beach. Her little heart started to pound.

Where was mommy? Her heart pounded harder.

Where was daddy? She started to scan from left to right, growing alarmed.

As she stared at the horizon full of strangers, full-blown panic set in and she started to race down the beach as fast as her short legs could carry her. She had no idea where she was going. She just knew she was lost and she had to find someone to help her. Her safe, comfortable world had suddenly grown dark and frightening.

Meanwhile, her parents looked up to notice that their little girl wasn’t where she had been just a split second before. They started to panic as they searched in vain for her blonde head. The beach was especially full that day and the nightmare of a lost child—their lost child—started to become real.

Getting ready to head over to the lifeguard, the father gave one final searching glance that just happened to be in the right direction. He saw a little girl in a navy bathing suit running down the beach as fast as her chubby legs could carry her. It was his little girl. And she was running in the opposite direction.

Before he could even give it a thought he was tearing down the beach after her. His young, strong body was fast—but this tiny 6-year old was making it hard to catch her. The adrenalin flowing through her little body made her much quicker than normal.

As her daddy finally overtook her, she stopped. She looked into his face and she knew that she was safe. That familiar face changed everything. She grabbed her daddy’s neck and hung on for dear life. So very thankful and relieved he had found her, her daddy carried her back to safety.

That little girl was me. I don’t really remember all of the details, so some of them are from my imagination. However, I do still remember the fear and panic that was in my heart as I looked up and couldn’t see my family. I remember running. I vaguely remember the safety of being in my daddy’s arms. My parents tell me the story of how frightened they were when they couldn’t see me. I do know that after that incident I was deathly afraid of getting lost for at least 20 years. I was in my mid-20s before I realized that I was smart enough to find my way home if I got lost.

As this memory came to my mind a few days ago, it started me thinking about how sometimes we get scared in life and we just start running, searching for safety. We find ourselves in the midst of an unforeseen and uncomfortable trial and when we realize that we are in trouble, we start running like our lives depend on it.

Only we run away from God.

We run towards what looks like the exit door, only to find out it is not an escape from our trial at all but a fake exit door or maybe even a trap. Fake exit doors and traps take all kinds of shapes. They can look like a chocolate cupcake. Or a player-laden green field with lines on it. Maybe it is in the shape of a red Mustang GT or a nice boat. They can look like a thick best-seller or virtual military men on your TV screen. It may be in the shape of a wine glass or a small, white ball. It could be a court room or a corporate conference room. Whatever it looks like in your life, one thing is certain: There will be no escape there. Nor eternal peace or fulfillment will result from going the wrong direction.

But if you are one of God’s children, saved by His grace alone, God will catch up to you. He loves you and nowhere you can run can take you so far away that He can’t find you and catch you and bring you back to His fold. Just like my daddy did what he could do to protect me, so our Heavenly Father protects us. Even though, in ignorance, I ran a different direction than where my daddy was standing, he found me. Our heavenly Father will find us, too–if we are His.

This reminds me of Romans 8:38-39:

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

If we are His, then nothing can separate us from His love and care for us. We may get lost for a little while but He will find us. Great is His faithfulness!

May we find our safety and peace in God alone and not waste precious time running the wrong direction.

saturating your soul

Leave a Comment / October 27, 2011 October 27, 2011

What am I feeding my soul? That is a question I found myself pondering, as I read the story of a missionary who was captured by guerillas. His captors covered his head and placed him in a stone box. They tied his hands to his belt and his feet about a foot off the ground to a tree. There he lay for hours and hours. As he lay there, he quoted memorized scripture. He sang hymns. He tried to show love to his captors, instead of hate.

And I found myself feeling ashamed. Would I even know enough memorized scripture word-for-word to make it effective if I was without my Bible? Probably not. Sure, I know the general message of a lot of verses and can quote a few of those verses by heart. And I certainly know where lots of things are found in scripture. But to quote an entire passage? I have never worked that hard at memorizing scripture.

He sang hymns. Maybe now, for you, it would be worship songs. Again, we know the songs. But do we listen to them enough to sing them without the aid of a worship leader or a band? If Sunday morning is the only time we hear them, then the answer to that is probably not.

Would I be able to love my enemies instead of curse them? If I am filling my head with movies and books and music and video games that promote revenge and the very common theme of “getting even”, then I would probably struggle with this immensely.

You see, I think many of us spend so many hours of our days listening to secular music and watching the news or talk shows, that it ends up being way out of proportion to the beneficial things we fill our minds with. I believe we are so attached to our cell phones, our ipods, our tablets, and our laptops, that the time we dedicate to them becomes time wasted, instead of a good use of time.

I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, saying that secular music, the news, or our gadgets are evil. They are not. They can be great blessings. My question would be what kind of priority do they have in our lives? On what do we spend spend most of the precious hours we have been given? With what are we filling our minds that will help us to understand God’s Word better and grow us in the grace and knowledge of our Lord?

Are we saturating our souls with the things that will stymie, or even hinder, our spiritual growth? Or do we spend our time filling it with things that will augment and strengthen our walk with God? That is a good question for all of us to ponder.

2 Peter 3:17-18 ¹⁷ You therefore, beloved, since you know this beforehand, beware lest you also fall from your own steadfastness, being led away with the error of the wicked; ¹⁸ but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen.

Joshua 1:8 This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

Figuring out the alarm clock

Leave a Comment / October 24, 2011 October 24, 2011

SO…the other night I was trying to set the alarm on my new alarm clock. I had finally splurged on an alarm clock that could play my ipod. I don’t usually set my alarm and just get up when I hear everyone stirring. But it was Saturday night and I needed to be the first one up the following morning. I had been enjoying my alarm clock’s music capabilities for awhile, but I had no idea what I was doing when it came to setting the alarm. At first, I half-heartedly turned around and started pushing buttons. I quickly realized that I was going to need to put more effort into it. At this point, I turned on the light and tried to figure it out. When that didn’t work, I got out of my warm, cozy bed to hunt for the instruction manual. I had intentionally put it somewhere that I wouldn’t lose it. Now, understand, I am famous in my house for this. Putting something somewhere so that it won’t get lost…and then not remembering where that place is! As I searched through every possible drawer, cabinet, and cubby-hole that it could possibly be, I became more discouraged. It was late and I obviously wasn’t finding the directions anytime soon. So I did the obvious thing–I asked my husband to help me figure it out!

He spent some time looking at it and between the two of us, we tried to figure it out. I am not really sure we ever did. I think we set his alarm as back-up. At any rate, I woke up on time.

But, it got me thinking…setting that alarm clock without the instruction manual is a little like living life without the Bible. You try all kinds of stuff on your own power and intellect. And you may figure it out…at least occasionally. And you might get it mostly right…at least from the outside looking in..but you won’t really know what you are doing.

I have a lot of gadgets with instruction manuals. I doubt I use any of them to their full power. Why? Because I have never sat down with the instruction manual to see what they can really do. I do put the manual somewhere safe (usually!) where I can find it when I run into a specific problem…like setting an alarm! I guess we can be a little like that, can’t we? Putting our Bibles on a shelf, where they can be found in case of an emergency. And for church, of course. And when we run into a problem, after exhausting all of our human resources, we may run to the shelf and find a verse that matches our situation and encourages us. All of this–instead of abiding and walking with the Lord always. May our Bibles be well-read, well-marked, and used every day!

Amazing what you can learn from a silly little thing like an alarm clock, isn’t it?

Lesson from Les Mis

Leave a Comment / October 13, 2011 October 13, 2011

The Bishop was quite poor by worldly standards. One of his few worldly possessions of worth was a handful of silverware. When a dejected man knocked on his door, quite bereft of worldly goods and looking quite frightful, the Bishop welcomed him warmly and provided both a meal and a bed. When, during the night, the man stole his silver and departed, the Bishop took no care. When his sister and the maid cried out in dismay and indignation, he stated that it wasn’t his to begin with. It was God’s and he should have given it away a long time ago.

Stop there for a moment and think about one of your prized possessions in light of this story. I don’t know about you, but I would have been right there with the women, crying out about the unfairness of giving someone a hot meal and warm bed and then have them turn around and steal from you.

But the story gets better…and even more convicting. A few hours later, the Bishop hears a knock at the door. It is the local police with the man. They have caught him with the silver and have brought him back for arrest. Upon seeing him, the Bishop serenely welcomes them and then turns his gaze upon the thief. But he does not treat him like a thief. He proceeds to ask the wretch why he did not take the candlesticks he had offered to give him, as well. The Bishop then takes the candlesticks and hands them to the man, all the while treating him like a friend.

At this point in the story, I am starting to squirm. I am becoming aware of my unhealthy attachment to my worldly possessions. If my silver (or iPad?) had been stolen, I know that this is not how I would have reacted. I would have pressed charges immediately. I would have demanded that my things be returned to me.

Because after all, they are my things. But perhaps that is where my thinking takes a wrong turn. Are my possessions really mine? If I have given my life to Christ, wholly and fully, do I own anything? And I realize that while my mouth says, “yes, yes, it all belong to God”, my actions speak quite differently and I am ashamed.

And I wonder how it would change the world if we Christians loosened our tight grip on our stuff? Would it matter if our cars got scratched? Would it matter if we lost our cell phones? Would we be more thankful? Would we complain less? Would we be less materialistic? Would we give more? I don’t know. I am just wondering.

I do know that the Bishop– a fictional character in a story written long, long ago– has challenged my heart and my priorities. My simple re-telling of just a minute part of that classic does not do it justice, but I hope that perhaps you were challenged, as well.

When Forgiving Is Hard

4 Comments / October 6, 2011 October 9, 2015

Forgiveness is difficult enough with proffered flowers and a humble apology. It feels almost impossible when there is no repentance from the person who deeply hurt you. But that happens to most– if not all–of us at one time or another. So how do we deal with it?

How do we handle the moments we are unjustly or dishonestly accused of something? The times that we are hurt by unkind words or thoughtless actions?

You see, I think a lot of Christians talk about forgiveness but I am not sure all of us practice it. It is easy to say we forgive someone. But how do we truly make that happen? How do we move that forgiveness from our head to our hearts?

There is no formula and there is no set timeline. But there are a few things that have helped me tremendously that I would like to share with you–

1. Ask the Lord to show you how you could have handled the situation differently or if there is any truth to the accusations. While this is a painful process, it is also very helpful. Sometimes we can learn and grow from a situation, no matter how painful or unfair the original situation was.

2. Realize that the offense was not personal. Oh, this is hard. But after you replay the situation in your mind for the 100th time and after you have offered any necessary apology, then you have to realize that it is the other person’s problem. It is not yours. Recognition of this is very helpful in the forgiveness process.

3. Stop thinking about it. I find that the angry thoughts and feelings build up the more I dwell on what happened. The hurt and the sadness can overwhelm you and you feel like you are drowning. Don’t stay at that place. Make a conscious effort to move your mind to a better place. This is a difficult process but it needs to be done. Train your mind to think about something else. Get out and do something. Focus on your blessings.

4. Understand that your lack of forgiveness will only hurt you and those you love. Yes, we have all heard this but it is so very true and it bears repeating. I see in my life an example of someone who chose not to forgive someone a very long time ago. The fruit that has been born from that decision has been devastating. And I have actually seen that process start to take place in my own life as I struggled through forgiving someone. Graciously, God showed me that the person who hurt me was completely indifferent to how I felt about them and my actions were only hurting myself and my family.

5. Give your broken heart and anger to the Lord. Ask the Lord to help you supernaturally love the person who hurt you. Ask Him to do a work of forgiveness in your life. I have found that it is only when I surrender my will and my feelings to Him that I move towards true forgiveness. Sometimes you are so hurt you can’t even pray. If that happens, ask a few of your closest friends to pray for you. Cover yourself in prayer. Satan would like nothing better than for you to be at odds with that person for forever.

These are a few thoughts that continue to help me deal with unfair accusations or deep hurt from someone who never says they are sorry. I would love to hear how some of you have dealt with similar situations? What has God taught you about forgiveness?

How I long for the day where difficult relationships and hurt feelings will be a thing of the past but, until that day, we need to bravely be the better person. To be at peace with all men, as we are told in Romans 12:18–

“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”