Is This Really Love?


Maybe I have grown a bit skeptical after so many years of being married. Perhaps my doubts have come with age and life experience. You learn things. Like about love, for instance. I like a good love song as well as the next person. There really is something special about someone crooning their love for their soul mate. But one of my kids had a song on the other day and as I listened to the lyrics–well, I pitied the poor girl that the song was being sung to because there is no way on earth that the song could be true. Here are a few of my (not so) favorite lines–

Oh her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they’re not shining

Oh, really? Eyes that shine that bright would look…odd.

Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying

Maybe I’m just jealous? My hair has never done that.

She’s so beautiful and I tell her every day

Every day?? Good for you!  Keep that up for 50+ years–even when that stuff above isn’t true anymore.

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile

Wow! Maybe I AM jealous. I don’t think even one person has ever stopped and stared when I smile.

You know Id never ask you to change; if perfect is what you’re searching for then just stay the same

Perfect? Is anyone perfect? Can you live with someone even a few months and still believe they are perfect?

We can only conclude that the sweet guy who wrote this song has not been through real deep waters with this girl. It is probably a new relationship, just blossoming with infatuation.

I know, I know…I am being so skeptical.  And I definitely agree that there is a place for “sweet nothings” and romance. But for some reason this love song really got to me. I guess it’s because by now I am fully aware that love isn’t about how someone looks. Or about how they smile. And if my husband actually said I was perfect, I would know that he is either A) stupid or B) lying.

Is this what our kids are expecting when they fall in love? It’s not realistic. It’s not practical. While for an infinitesimal amount of time someone might feel like this about someone, those feelings do not last very long. Sooner, rather than later, the hair is sticking out all over the place and the eyes are burning with anger, not shining with love.  And I don’t think the whole world stops and stares when even the most beautiful movie star smiles.

True and abiding love comes when someone loves you in spite of your faults. Your lack of perfection.  Your angry eyes. Your gray hair. They love you because they have committed to love you. They stick by your side, even when they don’t feel like they love you. Because the feelings will come back around again. After all, love that lasts is more about commitment than feelings.

And, so, I will take a husband who knows my imperfections and loves me, anyway. A husband who is honest with me about my faults and wants to see me become a better person. A husband who will stick by me, even in the worst of times–even when I am the worst me.  And, I, in return, will do the same for him. Because that is what makes true love last.



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