Christianity

Niceness Doesn’t Always Equal Goodness

A few years ago, we had a young man stay in our home as part of a ministry team that was visiting our church. He was a kind, courteous, and handsome young man with a sense of humor to boot – just the kind of boy a mother dreams of for her daughter.  In fact, I joked around with my daughter about what a great catch he would be.

It wasn’t until a few months later that we started becoming aware of who this young man really was inside, where it counts.  We learned of his values, his entertainment choices, and his activities. And, several years later, we realized the depth of this grown-up boy’s sinful lifestyle (thank you, Facebook!)

You see, we can’t always tell a person’s true character by their niceness.  Although we do tend to do that, don’t we?  I find myself thinking that so-and-so is SO NICE, therefore they must be spiritually solid and strong.  And sometimes that would be true. But it isn’t always true.

Facebook is a wonderful tool to use to help us discern if someone loves the Lord more than anything else.  I can’t tell you the amount of times I have met someone who is incredibly nice in how they treat others, but when I see their facebook page I see ungodly pictures and language and choices on their info page and on their wall and I realize that their heart is far from God and is instead solidly entrenched in the activities of the world.

We can be as nice as nice can be, but that doesn’t make up for worldliness, or selfishness, or immodesty. Of course, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes – even on Facebook.  But we need to be discerning, especially when we are praying for spouses for our children.

As parents, let’s be careful not to make niceness a priority over spiritual health. Yes, our child’s choice should be nice – but the niceness should be an outflow of the potential mate’s choice to love and follow God with all of his/her heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30).

Choosing a spouse will be the second biggest decision our children will ever make (the first is to choose to follow or reject Jesus).  We need to be there to give wise counsel and guidance, helping them to discern if the niceness is indicative of a transformed life or simply a personality trait.

Do you care more about others than you do about yourself?

A few months ago, I ran into an acquaintance from my son’s baseball days. Our boys had played the sport together years before and we had completely lost track of each other after that.  When we saw each other we smiled with recognition and started to chat. Only the chatting was very one-sided. I asked about her kids and she told me everything. Apparently, anything that had happened to my kids was unimportant.

And then a little bit later, I found myself in a conversation with someone I hadn’t talked with before. Again, the conversation was one-sided, as I asked about her history and her family and her life. There was no interest expressed in my life whatsoever.

Both my husband and I have noticed that, in the last few years, this has become a rather regular occurrence for both of us. When we run into people, most are very interested in talking about themselves and will take the time to answer any question you ask.  But when the conversation is over and they walk away, not even one question or thought was expressed that showed any interest in us.

Now, let me be clear -it is not the lack of interest in my life that concerns me. While it can be hurtful to appear so unimportant to someone, it doesn’t really matter in the scope of life.  But what I am concerned about is the lack of interest we show in the lives of others, in general.  I, myself, have been guilty of being the one doing all of the talking, as well. I will have spent the last twenty minutes talking and answering questions with someone and after I walk away I realize that I never once asked them anything or expressed any interest in their affairs. The next time I see that person, I will try to make up for the one-sidedness of the previous conversation.

Do you agree with me that their seems to be a great lack of concern for others in our busy culture?  You see, many people are so willing to discuss their own affairs, but have no interest in anyone else’s.  And this shows itself when we have conversations with others. Think about the last conversation you had on the sidelines of the soccer field, in the lobby at church, or when you ran into someone at the store.  Did you take the time to ask them questions and find out about their life? Or did you simply talk about yourself?

The Bible tells us that we are to look out not only for our own interests, but also for the interests of others.  We are to do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind we are to consider others better than ourselves. (Philippians 2:3-4).  Paul knew that our natural inclination is to only care about ourselves.  But, as Christians, we are to think beyond ourselves and to genuinely care about those around us.  This care should show itself, not only on mission trips and in soup kitchens, but in everyday conversations.

We should be more interested in what someone else has to say than in listening to our own voice.  We should genuinely care when a friend or acquaintance opens their mouth to speak.

The next time we have a few minutes to talk, let’s think of a few questions we can ask to show that we genuinely care about the person we are speaking with.  And when they don’t return the favor…well, then let’s know that this is a ministry and that we are doing the right thing in the eyes of the Lord.

My Held Hand

The adorable two year old skipped by her daddy’s side.  She was trying awfully hard to behave and when daddy reached for her hand, she said “No!” and pulled away.  Thankfully, she had a very wise daddy who insisted. He grabbed her hand and together they walked along.  As they walked, in her excitement and immaturity, she would slip and almost fall but her daddy would hold her up. When she strayed to look at some interesting distraction, he would gently guide her back onto the path. And when a car came swerving around the corner, daddy whisked her out of the way.  He could do that because he was strong. Way stronger than the little girl.

Isn’t this just like God?  I was challenged by just this illustration last night at church. So often I try to do it all by myself. I skip along and ignore God and then I get discouraged when I can’t do it. But, if I am a believer, God is there to protect, comfort, and guide–just like that little girl and her daddy.  When we fall, God is there to pick us up.  Where we are weak, He is strong.  And when we stray off the path, if we hold tight to His hand and follow Him, He will get us back where we need to be.

I don’t know about you, but as I was listening last night, I felt a wave of relief  upon hearing that.  Funny thing was, I knew all of this already.  But, here lately, I had been trying to win some of my battles on my own.

I am ready to give my best this morning with the knowledge that someone far greater and more powerful than myself is always there – to catch me, to guide me, and to steady me.  Thank you, Lord, for that reminder last night.

Jesus loves me, this I know.  For the Bible tells me so.  Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  The Bible tells me so.

Wednesday Wisdom: The Words of My Mouth

I am currently reading a wonderful book called 40 Days to Healthy Living, written by author Danna Demetre.   We only think of healthy living in the physical sense, but this book has some very insightful points on living healthy spiritually, as well.  As I was reading “Day 18”,  I knew it was what I would have to share with you today.  I do not normally recommend a book before I have completed it. However, I have been so thoroughly impressed with this author’s handling of both the spiritual and the physical side of our health, that I am counting on her to continue to do so through the end (I’ll let you know if the book doesn’t live up to my expectations!)  

Nourish Your Spirit— The Words of My Mouth

Matthew 15: 18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man “unclean.” 

The mouth can cause us so much trouble. From putting too much food in to letting the wrong words out, it is often a key player in many of our challenges. Too often, we say something before we’ve passed our thoughts through the filter of God’s truth. Words that tear down and wound don’t please God. Words that gossip or slander don’t either. Yet it is so easy to want to share a juicy tidbit about someone or pass on some interesting news in the cloak of a “prayer request.” I wonder how many of these kinds of prayer requests were ever really prayed about.

It seems if we can get to the root of controlling our mouth and our tongue, which we are told in James 3: 6 “corrupts the whole person,” we may be able to control our entire self. Our verse above says that what comes out of our mouths actually originates in our hearts. If we want to know the state of our own hearts, perhaps we should listen more carefully to not only the words we are speaking but also the silent conversations we are having inside our own minds. In the Bible, the word heart refers to the soul. And the mind is the soul’s pilot. As we have already learned, our words are by-products of our thoughts, and our thoughts originate from our beliefs. If we want our hearts to be pure and have words that flow naturally from our mouths, we must change our thinking.

If the words we are speaking are tearing down more than building up, we definitely need some “heart surgery,” which begins by identifying the lies we believe so they can be excised from our minds. These are the “unclean” things that Matthew is speaking about.

Angry words come out of an angry heart and despairing words out of a desperate heart. Whatever negative, destructive words seem to flow out of our mouths freely and regularly reveal the condition of our hearts. But the opposite is true as well. Kind words flow from a kind heart, lovely words from a loving heart. By identifying our negative emotions and words, we can begin the process of transformation as we replace that which tears down with that which builds up.

As with all spiritual concerns, this is not a matter of self-control but rather of surrender and transformation. It took time for those lies to become imbedded, and it will take some time to dislodge them. As our hearts and minds become purified, so do our thoughts and our words. And surprisingly, a changed heart may also produce changed appetites for food and other things, as the “mouth” may no longer need to try to fill the gaps of a damaged heart.

Demetre, Danna (2012-03-01). 40 Days to Healthy Living (pp. 217-218). Baker Book Group. Kindle Edition.

 

You can find this book on Amazon here.  As of the date of this post, the hard copy only costs $6.99 and the Kindle edition is only $5.38.  If you have been struggling with the topic of living a healthy life, this is definitely worth the few dollars!

Safe or on the edge?

Have you ever seen one of those TV nature shows about lions and their prey?  On the TV screen we see hundreds of  innocent wildebeests standing there innocently while a lion quietly prowls on the edge of the herd looking for the weaker ones.  The lion waits and watches.  A few of the wildebeests look up and sniff the air, sensing that something isn’t right.  A sense of unrest permeates the air.  And then, at just the right moment, the lion starts running towards the pack at high speed.  This sets them all in a frenzy and they start running – all of them – in the same direction.  Unfortunately, there are always a few stragglers.  They are sickly, or weak and old, or perhaps young and naive. We watch as the lions chooses his prey and then pounces on it.  His powerful claws rip into its fur and take it down to its knees. And then he uses his powerful jaws to kill the poor, innocent creature.  About that time, they break to commercial and we are left feeling sad and sorry for the ill-fated beast that met death so violently.

Did you ever think about why Peter talks about the devil being like a lion?   I Peter 5:8 says: Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.  

I think Peter wrote that because he knows that we are just like those wildebeests.  Some of us are leaders in the pack and we are the ones that shout “run” and lead the pack away from danger.  Others of us aren’t leaders but we are careful to keep ourselves protected by keeping our eyes open and staying safely away from the edges.  And then there are those of us who just seem to always want to be occupying the edge.  We are crippled and weak spiritually and we can’t keep up with the group. Or we are naive and think we don’t need Jesus to help us live on a daily basis, trying to make it on our own strength.

And then there are those who are weak just because of where they find themselves in life.  Some are young and naive and need our protection from pride and foolish choices as they grow in discernment and wisdom.  Some are old and weak and need our help to protect them from falling prey to things like depression, loneliness, and self-pity.

I know it is not very flattering to compare people to a great big bunch of wildebeests, but I find it amazing how God directed Peter to write that verse about the devil.  We can never forget that the devil is seeking to devour us!  He is setting temptations before us and he is spotting the weak and sickly Christians among us.  And while he can never take our salvation away, he is trying to destroy our faith and render us ineffective for the cause of Christ.  He is trying to steal our joy and our peace.  He is trying to extinguish our gospel light.

The sad thing is we often allow him to do so, don’t we?  We become so disenchanted with life and so frustrated by outward circumstances that we are often rendered ineffective.  Or we become so enamored with the world that we lose sight of what is most important in life.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be one of those poor creatures on the edges.  I would prefer to remain safely among godly Christian friends and leaders.  I want to help encourage and protect. But it is only by relying on Jesus  and filling our minds with His Word and praying without ceasing that we can elude the clutches of the roaring lion.

Wednesday Wisdom: What are we striving for?

My grandpa and me

 

My grandfather, Charles S. Good, was a pastor for many years.  He was a wonderful, wise man who loved God. He died some years back but before he died, he wrote a series of meditations and thoughts.  I would like to share one of them with you this morning.

GODLY CONTENTMENT

Hebrews 13:5 “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'”.

It would seem following this scriptural directive has never been easy.  Certainly at this time in America it appears to be very difficult.  I need to confess that, with my failing health, it has become increasingly difficult to be content with what I am able to do, as well as with what I have. However, I am finding God’s grace is sufficient.

If we study carefully the biblical context of contentment, we see a very interesting challenge develop. On the one hand, we are to be content with that which relates to the material and the physical. On the other hand, we are to strive for that which relates to the spiritual.

In regards to the physical we need to hear Paul in Philippians 4:11. “…I have learned in whatsoever state I am therewith to be content.”  I Timothy 6:6-8 “…having food and raiment let us therewith be content.” There are many other verses which speak to the matter of being content with our material and physical condition.

In regards to the spiritual, we need to note verses as in Hebrews 12:1 “…let us run with patience the race that is set before us.” and Philippians 3:14, “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” There are other biblical references which use such words as strive, covet earnestly, etc. that depict what our attitude should be toward our spiritual life.

In looking carefully at our text in Hebrews, it seems to me our trust in God can be measured by the degree of contentment we have towards material things. I am not suggesting it is okay to be lazy in regards to physical labor but to be careful in setting priorities in life. If in our lifetime we had kept a record of time and energy spent to minister to our physical desires, and had done the same in regards to our spiritual life, would we be pleased with what we find?

We need to be well aware of the fact that in our day the presence of peer pressure, media advertising, and easy credit make it very difficult to be contented. In fact, because these things appeal to the flesh, we are very prone to be discontented. In order to conquer this tendency we need to put forth special effort in our relationship with Jesus Christ.

Brothers and sisters, if we would gain the victory in this regards, let’s keep in perspective James 4:14, “…life is but like a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.”

As Christians may we strive for spiritual health and not for material wealth!

Charles S. Good (July 1994)

Mind Clutter

On Saturday the girls and  I spent a good part of our day cleaning our shop office for an upcoming Open House.  It hadn’t been cleaned for years so it was extremely dirty.  We scrubbed and swept and sprayed.  As we cleaned we came across old catalogs and coffee makers and phone books.  The cabinets and shelves were filled with things that no one ever uses anymore.  We started piling the unused things in two piles – to give away and to burn.  All of that stuff took up precious room in our office and was serving no purpose whatsoever.  A couple of hours after we had begun, we were able to walk away from that office knowing we had not only cleaned it but cleared it of the unnecessary clutter, as well.  It was a good feeling.

Of course, as usual, that got me thinking.  Do we do that in our minds, too?  Could it be that it is time to do a good cleaning of our minds and rid it of the clutter that has settled there?   Things like:

–Opinions and feelings formulated about others before we really knew them.  Maybe we never even gave them a chance because we made an assumption about them ten years ago.

–Past hurts and failures that keep popping up whenever we try to accomplish anything.  Oh, I know there are some things we can never forget, but those things belong in the basement of our minds…not in family room where we see them every time we turn around.

–Awards, special prizes, and trophies.  I know the world would tell you to keep these things at the very forefront of your mind to help you remember how special you are, but I would beg to differ.  I find that these things tend to lead to pride and arrogance and it is better if they, too, are packed away in the basement.

–Grudges, resentments, and ill will towards others.  These things need to be put on the burn pile.  Burn them up and leave them in the ashes.  They do no good to anyone.  I am truly shocked at how many Christians hold grudges.  Someone didn’t treat my child right on the soccer team…a teacher who didn’t understand my child…An unfair boss…malicious gossip behind my back…a misunderstood comment directed my way…we rationalize that any real or imagined offense directed towards us or someone we love gives us the right to hold a grudge.  But may I remind you– grudges are truly worthless.  They not only are worthless but they often cause great harm. They deserve no space in our minds whatsoever.

–Worry and Fear take up needless amounts of effort, energy, and mind space, don’t they?  They crowd our minds sometimes until we can’t even focus on anything else.  They, too, need to be put on the burn pile.  We would be much better off to fill the shelves of our minds with Trust and Faith.

And so, many of us have our minds cluttered with this stuff instead of leaving that space for the good things.  Philippians 4:8 is one of my favorite verses:

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Let’s think on things that encourage and edify and help us to grow in our relationships with God and others.  Life is just too short to spend it with a cluttered mind.

Invisible Pain

All of us will have times in our lives where we suffer pain that is very obvious to those around us – the illness or death of a loved one, a fire that destroys our possessions, a wayward child, or a divorce.  But then there are the times that we suffer very invisibly.

Everything looks like it should be okay from the outside looking in.  And no one could guess that we are falling apart on the inside.  Invisible pain may be due to a chronic illness that we choose not to discuss.  It may be due to a marriage that is falling apart inside the home, but maintains its perfect picture to those outside of it.   It may be the betrayal of a friend or family member.  Or it may be a high stress job where we are called to compromise our faith or perhaps we are even living under the threat of losing a job.  Many times it is as simple as there isn’t enough money to pay the bills and it’s causing great turmoil in our home.  It may even be struggling through the consequences of past sin that only we know about – an abortion, a child put up for adoption, an affair.  Whatever it is, it is personal and private and only those closest to us realize we are suffering.  And maybe we haven’t told another soul…maybe only God knows.

There is one certain thing about invisible pain:  it is a lonely place to be.   Whether we are watching a soccer game, working at our job , or shopping for groceries, the invisible pain follows us.  It is constantly just a thought away in our minds.  And yet we remain silent.

This has happened to me several times throughout my life.  I was suffering deeply and to the rest of the world everything looked perfect.  I have learned from those experiences that looks can be deceiving.  I can’t automatically assume that all is perfect in someone else’s world just because it looks like it is to me. It makes me think of one of those bright, shiny, red apples.  It looks perfectly delicious.  You can’t imagine it being anything other than fresh and crunchy inside.  And then you take that first bite. The apple is tasteless and sandy.  Just because everything looks perfect on the outside, doesn’t mean it is perfect on the inside.

We may not be in the position to know what is going on in their life, but it is important to have a realistic view of people.  All people struggle through tough times.   There is no one alive – whether they live in a 45,000 square foot mansion in Hollywood or a hut in Haiti– who doesn’t face tough times at one time or another.  We all do.  And many of our struggles are not noticeable to the rest of the world. We can never assume that someone who looks put together on the outside feels the same way on the inside.

So let’s be kind and considerate in our relationships with each other, always edifying and encouraging.  And if we find out that someone is struggling silently, let’s come along side and offer our love and support instead of gossip and malicious words behind their back. Let’s share the love of Jesus, so that we will never be filled with regret in how we treated someone.  It is likely that you will run into someone who is struggling through incredible, invisible pain today.  Brighten their day with a warm smile and an encouraging word.  And let’s be careful not to make assumptions about others.

I Thessalonians 5: 14-15 Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all.

P.S. I can’t help think, as I write this, about my run-in with the old man at the mall this week.  I wish I would have responded differently. I actually wrote this blog post before that happened, and I am finding myself filled with regret at not handling that with a smile and kind words.  Just because I can write good things, doesn’t mean I always live them.  Please…never hold me up as any kind of perfect model.  I wish I was, but alas, I am just a woman who loves the Lord and likes to write.

Wednesday Wisdom: Empty Me

Yesterday, I sent my daughters to get a head start in a clothing store, while I made a quick stop at the AT&T store.  As I crossed the aisle to find my daughters, I saw a tall, thin, older man walking with purpose.  He had a thick head of grayish white hair parted to the side and big, dark-rimmed glasses and looked quite dignified.  I hesitated, thinking he may let me step in front of him, but not wanting to assume anything.

He barreled towards me and as he got close, he glared at me and said in a hard voice, “you’re wrong if you think I’m moving” and continued walking past me.  I don’t think I have ever been so surprised in my life!  To be so rudely treated was surprising but for it to be by someone so dignified-looking, well, I think you could have knocked me over with a feather.  Well, at least after I yelled after him that he was quite a gentleman!  (probably shouldn’t have done that…)

This world is so full of people who only care about their agenda, their purposes, and their lives.  And the scary thing is– if I am not careful, I can quickly become one of them.  It is so easy to get caught up in my own selfish world.

A few years ago, a young man named Chris Sligh sang the following song.  I can never listen to this song without feeling convicted of my selfishness.  I think how true it is that selfish ambitions are vain and that pride is like a poison and then I sing along with Chris, “empty me of me, so I can be filled with You”.

EMTPY ME

I’ve had just enough of the spotlight
When it burns bright
To see how it gets in the blood
And I’ve tasted my share
Of the sweet life
And the wild ride
And found a little is not quite enough

I know how i can stray
And how fast my heart could change

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you

I’ve seen just enough of the quick buys
Of the best lies
To know how prodigals can be drawn away

I know how I can stray
And how fast my heart could change
Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you

‘Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you
Compared to you
‘Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you
So I surrender all

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you.
Filled with you
Empty me

 

You can listen to this song here.

Wednesday Wisdom #9: The Sin that No One Escapes

This past Sunday our pastor spoke on a subject that affects us all.  In fact, he said something like “if you don’t think you struggle with this, it means you probably do.”  He went on to share some very convicting and challenging points regarding this issue.  So this week’s wisdom comes from Pastor Wayne Burggraff and the subject?  Pride.  The sin that no one escapes at one time or other.

His sermon was based on the life of Joseph and he first gave multiple reasons why Joseph could have been proud.  Think about it.  He was shown special favoritism by his parents (with a multi-colored coat to prove it), he was made head of his master’s household in short order,  he was good-looking and desired by the master’s wife, he could interpret dreams and visions, and he ended up being second in command, second only to Pharaoh, in the great civilization of Egypt.  And yet, Joseph gave the glory to God and concentrated on serving Him (Genesis 39:4, 40:8, 41:16).

So how did Joseph manage to do this? How did he not get all caught up in how wonderful or powerful he was? Pastor Wayne gave six ways to keep this sin far from our lives. I would like to share them with you here, followed by a few comments of my own in italics regarding each point.

1.   Lean on the Lord (and not on yourself!) if we lean on the Lord, we never have to think how amazingly resourceful we are, because we know the truth: God can strike us dead at any moment. He can move men’s hearts. He is Sovereign and He is the one in control. We aren’t all that amazingly resourceful, after all.

2.  Lift up the Lord  (and not yourself!) Pastor put it this way: Deflect any credit to God.  I had never quite thought about that before. But any good thing we can do, anything in our lives of which we are proud, is only because of His gifts and by His grace. He should be praised!  

3.  Lift up others (not just yourself) Pastor made the observation that selfish people feel threatened by other people’s successes. You know, that’s true. If we are prideful and selfish, we don’t want good things to happen to other people. But someone who is genuinely concerned about others will be happy for their successes and sad at their losses — not the other way around.

4.  Labor hard at your job (instead of becoming slothful or lazy) There isn’t much time for pride and “self-esteem” conversations if you are laboring hard at your work and focusing on what you should be doing.  

5.  Let go of your past and its’ hurts (and its’ successes, too) The past is past. Yes, it has shaped us, it has molded us into who we are, but hanging on to it, whether looking back at the glory days or looking back at the hurtful days, is not beneficial to anyone, and least of all, to us.

6. Live a holy life.  Never assume that you can live as you like just because of your successes or position in life.  Many of us do this.  We think because we are such and such in the company or church, or because we are the star of the team or we are popular, that we deserve special treatment. But, no matter where we find ourselves, we need to be willing to serve others willingly and whole-heartedly.  No matter what position we have or how big our house, if we are focused on holiness, it helps us to remember that we are a sinner, saved by grace alone. Living a holy life keeps pride far from us.

I don’t know about you, but I found this message challenging. I wasn’t aware of just how much pride creeps -oh, so subtly- into my own life. As I listened, I spotted troubling areas that I need to confess and change. I wish I could play the whole message for you, but I guess the six points will have to do. Unfortunately, I forgot to write down all of the Bible verses that went with the points.  Most came from the story of Joseph in Genesis. If you are looking for something new for your devotions, his life is certainly worth reading again.  He is an amazing example of a godly man.  At any rate, I hope that some of you are challenged, just as I was, even though Pastor Wayne’s presentation was so much more thorough and better than mine!

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