There are those who would say we should never speak (or write) negatively about someone. That this is the essence of gossip.
But we know that cannot be true because of 3 John, where John writes in his letter to Gaius about a man by the name of Diotrephenes. John does not mince words: This man likes pre-eminence among his church family; he speaks with malicious words; he is a bad influence on others, seeking to lead them in a wrong direction.
The Holy Spirit would never direct John to gossip, so we know what he has written here cannot be defined as gossip. Clearly, there is a time and a place to speak negatively about others.
John was simply stating a fact and issuing a warning about this dangerous man. This is not sinful. In fact, we see this happening in scripture more than just here. Both Jesus and Paul speak hard, unpleasant truths about others (Matthew 23; 2 Timothy 4).
So if speaking negative words is not sinful, in and of itself, what makes gossip…gossip?
It is clearly the motivation behind the words.
The sin of gossip stems from a malicious heart or a nosey mind that relishes in hearing juicy tidbits about others. The gossiper wants to be “in the know” and they love nothing more than hearing updates about people—particularly negative updates—that they can then pass along to others.
So how did we end up believing that all negative words about others equal gossip? Well, let me give you the answer in a nutshell.
In 1952, a false teacher by the name of Norman Vincent Peale wrote a book called “The Power of Positive Thinking”. With this book, he planted the seed of this belief: “Positive words are good. Negative words are bad.” This philosophy was warmly received by many and the seed of this heretical teaching grew and grew, until it has tentacles in almost every church.
Never speak negative words. Only speak positive words.
Even solid churches, where they revere the Word of God, seem to think it is sinful to speak negative words—even if it is for their very important calling to warn and protect their flocks.
This is when we must stop and think. Are we following the Bible or are we following a manmade philosophy?
As believers, we get our guide for life from God’s Word. It is important that we evaluate everything by its grid. What does the Bible have to say about our words?
In scripture, we find that there is a time and a place to warn. There is a time and a place to speak the truth about someone—even if it’s not “positive” or uplifting. This is clearly not wrong.
So when is it wrong? It’s wrong when our motives are impure. It’s wrong when we are speaking to bring glory and attention to ourselves. It’s wrong when we relish the shocked responses of our audience. And it’s wrong when we speak (or write) without edification to our hearers (It is not to warn or for any other beneficial reason).
I think we all struggle with gossip at some level. I know I do. I praise God I am not who I was, but I know I am still not who I should be.
We live in a world that relishes gossip. For some, it’s as natural as breathing, and spending time with someone like this can draw us into this sin before we even realize it.
Oh, to grow in this area of recognizing the sin and being the person that shuts it down.
I read a delightful page in a fiction book just recently about this very thing. Two women were talking and as the one offered a tidbit of gossip, the other one simply said this: “Why, I don’t believe I need to know that”. She said it kindly and lovingly but the intention was clear: I am not going to gossip about this person.
I want to be like her. It’s not easy, is it? It’s not easy to be the one that shuts down gossip.
We also live in a world that loves bigger and better. And this includes the stories that swirl all around us every day—in the office, at church, and especially on social media. The bigger the story the better. People, in general, have a thirst for bigger and better. This leads to a lot of exaggeration and a lot of lies.
So it’s not just about speaking the truth. Turning from gossip is also about carefully discerning what we hear, as well. There are a lot of lies and half-truths told about people to make a story “bigger and better”. Not everything we hear is true.
Having been the victim of ugly gossip and lies at one point in my lie, I can tell you how grateful I was for the one person who actually came to me personally and asked for the truth. May we be that kind of person.
So how do we show we are different in this area of words?
We stand out as believers by not joining the gossip swirling around us. We stand out by simply speaking the truth, as it is. We stand out as believers by seeking the real truth, rather than just believing what we hear. We show we are different by the love and grace we offer to others, no matter what we hear about them. And, yes, we show we are different by lovingly warning others of false teachers and dangerous spiritual counselors, while never being defined by just this aspect.
In other words, we should never be known only for our negative words. But we should also not be known as someone who only speaks positive words. Both are necessary for spiritual good health.
John gives such a wonderful, well-rounded example for us to follow, doesn’t he? In the scriptures that he has written (through the Holy Spirit) we find that, while he does warn of those who bring spiritual danger, his books are not defined by these warnings. He also exhorts, loves, and rejoices in those to whom he is writing.
Occasional and well-timed “negative words” about others are not wrong, but may our lives never be defined by only these. May we seek to be like John, willing to speak both positive and negative words, always discerning carefully as we choose what to say and when to say it.
And may we examine our hearts for the sin of gossip and ask the Lord to help us to stay far from this troublesome sin that causes so much heartache and damage.
Our words hold so much weight. We can make a difference with them—both through our positive words and our negative words. But this will only happen when we keep our hearts free of impure motives.
Praying for a pure heart is probably a prayer we should all pray as we seek to live for the Lord.