Growing 4 Life

It is all in your perspective.

Leave a Comment / March 3, 2011 August 2, 2014

A dear friend of mine told me of an interesting thing that happened to her recently. Earlier in the week, she had stopped at a fast food restaurant for a quick meal. After she had placed her order, the young clerk asked her if she would like a senior citizen discount. My friend is not a senior citizen. She laughed it off–until it happened again that same week in a different scenario. Only this time she was actually given the discount. She was starting to wonder–was she not feeling well? Maybe she looked more tired than she actually felt?

But her discouragement was erased the following Friday night.

That was when an older lady she had never met asked her a few questions about herself. And then said the glorious words: You look like you are 25. Twenty-five! To this woman, my friend looked like she was 25.

It is truly all in our perspective. When I was a teenager, I thought my parents were OLD. Now that I am the same age as they were then, I still think they are old. But not me. I’m not old. Not yet. And I wonder at my naivete thinking that they were old when they were in their 40s. But I was so young. Not that I thought was young then.

I was thinking that this perspective thing might affect more than how we view someone’s age. Perhaps it transfers into other areas of life. Sometimes we can’t understand why someone responds to a tragedy or crisis in a totally different way than we think we would in the same situation. But perhaps we would respond the same way–if we were looking at it from the same perspective as they were.

A long, long time ago I had a friend who was experiencing some very serious marital issues. I told her kind of flippantly –remember I was so young and rather foolish, too– that I would just leave. I remember her sighing, “You don’t know what you would do if you were in my place.”

You don’t know what you would do.

I have remembered that all of these years. And when I see someone reacting to a situation in a way I believe to be unwise or even just plain stupid– well, I remember what she said. Maybe if I was in that situation, I would do the same thing.

That doesn’t discount our responsibility to confront sin or to come alongside and help our friends. But it should make us much more compassionate and a lot less judgmental.

Today, may we extend compassion to those around us, realizing they are seeing their situation differently than we are. And may we not give senior discounts to anyone who is not a senior!

P.S. My friend is still married to her husband. She wisely stuck it out when it didn’t look like the wise thing to do. I am so glad she didn’t listen to me when I spoke my unwise words–which I thought were so wise at the time.

Feelings…Nothing More Than Feelings

1 Comment / February 28, 2011 February 28, 2011

Do any of you remember that song of…was it the 70s?? I guess you would have to be older than 40 to remember that song. I don’t even know the rest of the song. But that first line…Feelings/Nothing more than feelings…is critical for me to remember today. Maybe for you, too?

I came off of the busiest week of my year (it is like this every year…you’d think I would get used to it!). It is full of preparation and activity and not much housework. When it is finally over and I wake up on Monday morning, I find myself feeling exhausted after all of the activity…feeling discouraged about the housework that is screaming at me to be done….feeling grumpy because I am so tired and discouraged. The question is: will I allow myself to obey those feelings? Or will I obey God’s Word? Will I be short-tempered, impatient, unloving, and selfish? Or will I be long-suffering, kind, and unselfish?

I think all of us are susceptible to giving in to our feelings. They scream inside our heads. Sometimes so loudly that we can’t hear anything else. But if we don’t heed them, it gets easier and easier to ignore them.

It makes me think of Paul and Silas in Acts 16. They were beaten with rods until they had “many stripes” and then they were thrown in prison in an inner cell with their feet in stocks. I can’t help but wonder if…had they given in to their feelings…they would have laid there plagued by discouragement and blaming God for allowing this to happen. I could just see it. “God, how could you have allowed this? We were doing YOUR work and you allowed us to get beaten, thrown in prison? What will become of us? What now? Are we going to die? Are we going to endure more beatings?” They (like I often do) could have stewed about what is to come. They could have (as I often do) dwelled on all the horrible things they had endured and were continuing to endure. They could have blamed God.

But if you read on, you see in verse 25 that they prayed and sang hymns. Prayed and sang hymns. Yes, I wrote that twice on purpose. For my own good. I don’t know about you, but when I am giving in to feelings of discouragement or depression or selfishness or anger, the last thing on my mind is praying or singing hymns (or worship songs!)

I wonder if Paul and Silas sang because they FELT like it…or if they felt like it after they started singing?

And so, today, I hope- instead of focusing on my discouragement and exhaustion…instead of complaining- I hope that I can work above my feelings and be a blessing to my family and friends. I hope you can do the same! Because, after all, they are only feelings. Nothing more than feelings.

Spiritual Wisdom Worth Remembering

Leave a Comment / February 24, 2011 February 24, 2011

H.A. Ironside (1876-1951)
Holiness the False and the True
I have been learning all along my pilgrim journey that the more my heart is taken up with Christ, the more do I enjoy practical deliverance from sin’s power, and the more do I realize what it is to have the love of God shed abroad in that heart by the Holy Spirit given to me, as the earnest of the glory to come. I have found liberty and joy since being thus freed from bondage that I never thought it possible for a soul to know on earth, while I have a confidence in presenting this precious truth for the acceptance of others that contrasts with the uncertainty of the past (p. 33-34).

Robert Murray McCheyne (1813-1843)
Memoirs of McCheyne, edited by Andrew Bonar
The only way to be kept from falling is to grow. If you stand still, you will fall. Read Proverbs 11:28, ‘The righteous shall flourish as a branch.’ Remember you are not a tree, that can stand alone; you are only a branch, and it is only while you abide in Him, as a branch, that you will flourish. Keep clear your sense of justification; remember it is not your own natural goodness, nor your tears, nor your sanctification that will justify you before God. It is Christ’s sufferings and obedience alone. Seek to be made holier every day; pray, strive, wrestle for the Spirit, to make you like God. Be as much as you can with God. I declare to you that I had rather be one hour with God, than a thousand with the sweetest society on earth or in heaven. All other joys are but streams; God is the fountain: ‘all my springs are in Thee’ (p. 48).
Pray much for the Holy Spirit to open your eyes, to soften your heart, to make Christ lovely and precious, to come and dwell in your hearts, and fit you for glory (p. 99).
Let your soul be filled with a heart-ravishing sense of the sweetness and excellency of Christ and all that is in Him. Let the Holy Spirit fill every chamber of your heart; and so there will be no room for folly, or the world, or Satan, or the flesh (p. 110).
You know what true holiness is. It is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Let Him dwell in you, and so all His features will shine in your hearts and faces. Oh, to be like Jesus! (p. 112).

Charles Spurgeon (1834-1892)
Spurgeon on Leadership, Steve Miller
As I sat under a wide-spreading beech, I was pleased to mark with prying curiosity the singular habits of that most wonderful of trees, which seems to have an intelligence about it which other trees have not. I wondered and admired the beech, but I thought to myself, I do not think half as much of this beech as yonder squirrel does. I see him leap from bough to bough, and I feel sure that he dearly values the old beech tree, because he has his home somewhere inside it in a hollow place, these branches are his shelter, and those beechnuts are his food. He lives upon the tree. It is his world, his playground, his granary, his home; indeed, it is everything to him, and it is not so to me, for I find my rest and food elsewhere. With God’s Word it is well for us to be like squirrels, living in it and living on it. Let us exercise our minds by leaping from bough to bough of it, and find our rest and food in it, and make it our all in all. There are hiding places in it; comfort and protection are there (p. 107).

R.A. Torrey (1856-1928)
How to Bring Men to Christ
But how is one to get a love for souls? This question is easily answered. First of all, a love for souls like every other Christian grace of Christian character, is the work of the Holy Spirit. If then we are conscious that we do not have that love for souls that we should have, the first thing to do is to go to God and humbly confess this lack in our lives and ask Him by His Holy Spirit to supply that which we so sorely need, and expect Him to do it (1 Jn 5:14,15; Phil. 4:19). In the second place Jesus Christ had an intense love for souls (Matt 23:37; Lk 19:10), and intimate and constant companionship with Him will impart to our lives this grace which was so prominent in His (p. 9).

John Newton (1725-1807)
Letters of John Newton
But how then may the Lord’s guidance be expected? After what has been premised negatively, the question may be answered in a few words. In general, He guides and directs His people, by affording them in answer to prayer, the light of his Holy Spirit, which enables them to understand and to love the Scriptures. The Word of God is not to be used as a lottery; nor is it designed to instruct us by shreds and scraps, which detached from their proper places, have no determinate import; but it is to furnish us with just principles, right apprehensions to regulate our judgments and affections, and thereby to influence and direct our conduct. They who study the Scriptures, in a humble dependence upon divine teaching, are convinced of their own weakness, are taught to make a true estimate of everything around them, are gradually formed into a spirit of submission to the will of God, discover the nature and duties of their several situations and relations in life, and the snares and temptations to which they are exposed. The Word of God dwells richly in them, is a preservative from error, a light to their feet, and a spring of strength and conslotation. By treasuring up the doctrines, precepts, promises, examples, and exhortations of Scripture, in their minds, and daily comparing themselves with the rule by which they walk, they grow into a habitual frame of spiritual wisdom, and acquire a gracious taste, which enables them to judge of right and wrong with a degree of readiness and certainty, as a musical ear judges of sounds. And they are seldom mistaken, because they are influenced by the love of Christ, which rules in their hearts, and a regard to the glory of God, which is the great object they have in view (p. 81-82).

Anonymous
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, Where can mortal be more blest?
There I lay my sins and sorrows, And, when weary, find sweet rest.
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, There I love to weep and pray
While I from His fullness gather, Grace and comfort every day.
Bless me, O my Savior, bless me, As I sit low at Thy feet!
O look down in love upon me, Let me see Thy face so sweet!
Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus, Make me holy as He is
May I prove I’ve been with Jesus, Who is all my righteousness.

A Different Kind of Christianity

2 Comments / February 21, 2011 February 21, 2011

My eyes have been opened to something in the last few years. Christianity is more than standing up for the Truth. It is more than going to church. And it is more than giving 10 percent of your income to the church…or to charities. Christianity is more than a desire to please God with our choices in entertainment. And it is more than how we dress. While all of these things are an important part of the fruit a true Christian shows, for some reason I always missed another really big part.

I have missed LOVE. Love for others that is self-sacrificing. Love that is giving at the expense of my time. I first started to realize this lack in my life when I was introduced to some lovely women who showed me something different. They have such hearts of love. They are constantly giving up their personal time, their money, and even some much needed peace and quiet to meet the needs of one another. If someone needs help they are the first to step up. Oftentimes, they even anticipate needs and meet them before they are even spoken.

You see, I have grown up always knowing this is important in theory. And, in fact, my husband and I find giving financially a true blessing. But time? In the midst of our busy schedule? Now that is something else. But how we spend our time is just as revealing of where our treasure is as where we give our money (Matthew 6:21).

This principle became even more clear to us after reading David Platt’s book Radical (Taking Your Faith Back from the American Dream). How are we spending the precious hours God has given us? How are we furthering God’s Kingdom? How are we making a difference for eternity? Is the eternal destiny of those around us important to us? Is there a way we could touch just a few lives by sacrificial giving of our time?

I know it is difficult to feel like it makes a difference. It often feels overwhelming. There are so many needs–both physical and spiritual–here in America and in all other parts of the world. But I remember a story I heard once. There was a father and daughter walking along the beach when they came upon thousands of sea stars. The poor things had been stranded by low tide upon the beach and could not get back to the ocean. The father started throwing the sea stars one by one back into the ocean. The little girl looked up at him and asked him why he was doing that…he would never really make a difference, given the thousands of sea stars still stranded on the beach. As he looked at his little girl he said something very profound: “It makes a difference to the one I threw back in.”

It makes a difference to that one. Let’s look for the opportunities God gives us and step up and embrace them. We all have them every day. Let’s step outside ourselves and offer smiles and genuine warmth to the grumpy cashier. Let’s find ways to volunteer, not only to meet physical needs, but to share the marvelous gospel. Let’s notice the hurting and desperate people that are attending our churches, even if they are bravely wearing a smile. Let’s make conversations with co-workers opportunities to turn the conversation towards eternal things. Let’s not be afraid to speak of our love for our Savior while sitting on the sidelines watching our kids play soccer. Let’s not be afraid to share the love of Christ with our neighbors. And let’s remember that Jesus loved others with his time, his resources…and his life! He loved them so much he wasn’t afraid to offend them by speaking the Truth. His is the only example we have that is perfect in every way. Let’s follow His example as we go about our daily activities today.

P.S. I really recommend the book. Here is a link to cut and paste–

http://www.christianbook.com/radical-taking-faith-from-american-dream/david-platt/9781601422217/pd/422211?event=HPF2

Achy Breaky Heart

2 Comments / February 17, 2011 February 24, 2015

I just finished reading GQ’s article on Billy Ray Cyrus. Not because I love country music. And I can take or leave the Hannah Montana TV show. But our family loved (and still loves) the show Doc, which Billy Ray starred in in the early 2000’s. I was curious to see what he had to say.

I found the whole interview heart-breaking. Truly heart-breaking. Here was a man with lots of talent who had made a lot of wrong choices. But I think the following quote on parenting is probably one that can teach all of us something:

“How many interviews did I give and say, ‘You know what’s important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids’? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, ‘You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.’ Well, I’m the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, ‘Enough is enough–it’s getting dangerous and somebody’s going to get hurt.’ I should have, but I didn’t. Honestly, I didn’t know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere.”

If you are the parent of any teenagers, I would imagine you have struggled with this issue. To be a cool friend or to be the irritating parent. Because it is really difficult to be both. There is this innate sense of wanting our kids to like us. And, yet, ironically, the more we cater to that desire, the less our kids do like us.

Instead of a rock in the storm, we become someone who shifts our position with every slight change in the wind. Do we do this because we truly think it is okay? No, most of the time, we will bend our position because we don’t want them to be mad at us. We feel like giving them an answer they don’t like will cause them to not like us.

I have found myself in this position many a time. And I have chosen both ways. I can honestly admit to the following–

When I have gone against my better judgment and allowed something that I knew I shouldn’t allow, I have always been sorry. Sometimes it is just for a moment and sometimes that little thing I allowed turns into a bigger problem. But, in contrast, when I have stood up for what’s right and not allowed something that they truly wanted with all of their heart, I have always felt great. And if you believe that, let me tell you another story! Actually, that doesn’t always feel so good. Sometimes I feel like I absolutely did the right thing. But many times I second-guess myself. Occasionally, I even change my mind. And, sometimes, I should change my mind.

And that’s where the friend part comes in. We need to listen to our teenagers. Listen to their side of the story. Listen to why they want to do what they want to do. And then let’s take them to God’s Word. Often, we would still stand by our decision as parents. But that was often after lots of discussion. Teenagers need reasons. And, as they get older and mature spiritually, gradually put some of the final decisions in their hands. That way they may make mistakes on the little things and hopefully be preparing for bigger decisions.

If I can do anything before my kids leave this house, it will be to instill in them accountability to GOD. If they think they need to please me, then they will do what they want when they leave. But if they realize that God is always with them and they are living to please Him, rather than to live by some man-made set of rules, then one of my main goals as a parent will have been accomplished.

As the decision-making becomes more my kids’ responsibility and less of mine, the friendship grows. See, the friendship comes later. Trying to be friends with your 13 year old is a big mistake. But hang on a few years. If you hold your ground with your 13 year old, your 20 year old will be more of a friend. I can only imagine that the friendship continues to grow as they grow into an adult, and then perhaps even a deeper friendship as they become parents themselves.

Thankfully, whatever happens and wherever we find ourselves right now, God is gracious and loving and can work beyond our mistakes. So, just keep praying for your kids and trying to find that balance. And don’t get tired! Make sure your teenagers know that you are there for them and that you will keep God’s standards in your family, no matter what is going on in their friends’ houses!

Joshua 24:15

Note (2/24/15) I wrote this almost exactly four years ago now. Since then, Miley Cyrus has went completely wild. I am truly saddened over that situation. How much worse her situation is now than it was even then. How her parents must mourn over her choices.

We, too, are at a very different place– one birdie has already spread her wings and flown away and two more are making their plans to fly this coming summer. Only one birdie will be left at home come September. Our kids are certainly not perfect and they make mistakes, but my husband and I have a good relationship with them and with each passing year, we do see a friendship that grows as they become adults. We, too, continue to make our share of mistakes and certainly lay no claim on perfection. We would both say, however, that we have never regretted standing our ground and providing boundaries on entertainment choices, activities, and friendships. If anything, we feel like we left way too much of the world invade our home and would probably change some things if we could do it over.

And so let’s remember– strict boundaries without explanation are the cause of most rebellion. Permissive love without boundaries also leads to waywardness. Only boundaries placed with love is a winning combination when it comes to parenting. My prayer is that this will encourage you to stand strong in biblical conviction, but with so much grace and love.

Love is like the weather

Leave a Comment / February 14, 2011 February 13, 2016

Since it is Valentine’s Day , it seems only fitting to write about love. Specifically the love between a husband and wife. I have now been married 22+ years. That means I have been married approximately 8030 days. Or 192, 720 hours. And I would be lying to you if I said that I felt love for the guy I am married to all 192, 720 hours–or even all 8030 days. Marriage is a bit of a roller coaster ride, isn’t it? Or maybe it is more like the weather.

Winter has felt long this year. It snowed at the end of December and continued to snow. There has been snow on the ground for a long time. At least for this area of the country. It has been cold, too. Not many, if any, warm, sunny days to remind us that spring is coming again. It felt like winter was going to last forever. But when I got up this morning, I looked out and it felt almost warm. There was a large patch of grass…not just the itty bitty ones I had been seeing.

Even when it felt like winter would last forever and spring would never come, I knew differently. I think perhaps marriage is a lot like that. Just because you don’t feel love doesn’t mean that there isn’t love. We all have moments in our marriages that are like the weather–long, unending spells of indifference like the long winter months or sudden moments of impossible impasse like a summer storm. But, no matter what it feels like, if both parties choose to stay committed to the relationship, the feelings of love will come back around.

I remember when my husband and I were married around 7 years. We came to a sudden and, what seemed impossible, problem. It lasted for months. Our children were affected by it. My mother was worried about us. The funny thing is that I have no recollection of what the specific issue was. I can’t remember at all. I do know this, though: If there was ever a time in our marriage where there was a danger of one of us walking away, that was the time. It was that bad. But I think I can honestly say that neither of us ever even contemplated it. Not because we were so wise to know that things would get better. We were young. My focus was on the dark, gray present time, not some unseen likelihood of sunshine again in the future. We stuck it out because both of us were committed to the marriage.

You see, we had seen marvelous examples of marriage in the lives of our parents. We had seen them go through ups and downs. Both couples had been through some really tough times. But they had stuck it out. They had promised to the Lord and to each other to love and cherish in sickness and in health. In good times and bad. And they stuck by those vows, even when the going got tough.

We feel blessed to have parents who have such a commitment. But there are amazing examples of this everywhere. If you aren’t blessed to have parents who have stuck it out–and, let’s face it- that is probably true for many of you–take a look in your extended family. Or your church family. You will find couples celebrating their 30th, 40th, and 50th anniversaries. Sometimes even more. That is true love. True love sticks around through all types of “weather”. It does not disappear when the going get tough. It is commitment to the partnership above commitment to self.

And, so, while I thank God for the feelings of love–can you imagine life without feelings??–I also thank Him for the tough times that make us work beyond our feelings. The tough times are what yield the strong, sturdy love that can weather any storm and are a blessing and example to those around us.

Here are the typical marriage vows. I thought it might be a good reminder for all of us married people to remember that we said something similar to this one very special day in our past. And that the vows we made are no less true now, than they were then–

I _____, take you ______, to be my wedded husband/wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

Sermon on the Mount (in a nutshell)

4 Comments / February 10, 2011 May 17, 2014

I have always struggled to understand the beatitude verses in Matthew 5. What did they mean and how did they apply to me? My brother, a pastor, helped me understand that these verses are a beautiful and comprehensive description of a true believer. I thought some of you may appreciate this, too:

1 And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. 2 Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:

3 “ Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

**Those who know they are terrible sinners. They are well aware of the fact that they can never measure up to God’s standards by their own efforts or on their own merit.

4 Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.

**Those who mourn deeply because they know they can never measure up…mourning because there is no possibility of reconciliation with God on their own merit.

5 Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth.

**Those who submit their lives to Christ. Who obey His commands and walk faithfully with Him.

6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.

**Those who continue to learn and grow in Christ. Who want to get to know Him more deeply.

7 Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.

**Those who love others. Who treat others the way they would want to be treated.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.

**Those who walk in purity. Work hard at keeping themselves as far away from sin as possible.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.

**Not the world’s peace, but bringing the peace of God to this world by sharing the gospel.

10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

**Being persecuted for sharing the gospel and living a righteous life.

11 Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

I know that this really helped me understand this passage. I hope that it helps you, too.

Is This Really Love?

Leave a Comment / February 7, 2011 October 23, 2015

Maybe I have grown a bit skeptical after so many years of being married. Perhaps my doubts have come with age and life experience. You learn things. Like about love, for instance. I like a good love song as well as the next person. There really is something special about someone crooning their love for their soul mate. But one of my kids had a song on the other day and as I listened to the lyrics–well, I pitied the poor girl that the song was being sung to because there is no way on earth that the song could be true. Here are a few of my (not so) favorite lines–

Oh her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they’re not shining

Oh, really? Eyes that shine that bright would look…odd.

Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying

Maybe I’m just jealous? My hair has never done that.

She’s so beautiful and I tell her every day

Every day?? Good for you! Keep that up for 50+ years–even when that stuff above isn’t true anymore.

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile

Wow! Maybe I AM jealous. I don’t think even one person has ever stopped and stared when I smile.

You know Id never ask you to change; if perfect is what you’re searching for then just stay the same

Perfect? Is anyone perfect? Can you live with someone even a few months and still believe they are perfect?

We can only conclude that the sweet guy who wrote this song has not been through real deep waters with this girl. It is probably a new relationship, just blossoming with infatuation.

I know, I know…I am being so skeptical. And I definitely agree that there is a place for “sweet nothings” and romance. But for some reason this love song really got to me. I guess it’s because by now I am fully aware that love isn’t about how someone looks. Or about how they smile. And if my husband actually said I was perfect, I would know that he is either A) stupid or B) lying.

Is this what our kids are expecting when they fall in love? It’s not realistic. It’s not practical. While for an infinitesimal amount of time someone might feel like this about someone, those feelings do not last very long. Sooner, rather than later, the hair is sticking out all over the place and the eyes are burning with anger, not shining with love. And I don’t think the whole world stops and stares when even the most beautiful movie star smiles.

True and abiding love comes when someone loves you in spite of your faults. Your lack of perfection. Your angry eyes. Your gray hair. They love you because they have committed to love you. They stick by your side, even when they don’t feel like they love you. Because the feelings will come back around again. After all, love that lasts is more about commitment than feelings.

And, so, I will take a husband who knows my imperfections and loves me, anyway. A husband who is honest with me about my faults and wants to see me become a better person. A husband who will stick by me, even in the worst of times–even when I am the worst me. And, I, in return, will do the same for him. Because that is what makes true love last.

Don’t Believe Everything You Hear

2 Comments / February 3, 2011 August 30, 2014

A long time ago, a young man and a young woman fell in love and decided to get married. Several months before their wedding day, they decided to attend some marriage counseling sessions, knowing that this would help them to identify any future problem areas on which they may have disagreements– such as how many kids, financial issues, and how to handle the in-laws.

The pastor with whom they were meeting gave the engaged couple an “official” personality test, designed to determine any possible problem areas in their new life together. The young woman eagerly filled it out, wondering what wonderful things she would find out about her and her future husband’s relationship when the results came back. She was in for a big surprise!

When the next week’s marriage counseling session came around, the young couple sat before the pastor and were told that the test showed that the two of them should not even get married. Should not get married! The test showed that they were quite incompatible. This was certainly not the report that either of them was expecting to hear.

Obviously, my husband and I did not listen to what a test had to say about us and we continued on our path to wedded bliss. 23 years later, here we are–still best friends, more in love now than we were then. Hopefully, we are a bright and shining testimony that, with God at the helm, any relationship can work.

But as I remembered this incident many years ago, I started thinking about we should never take anything at face value. We have to be very careful to not believe everything we hear. Just because it is on the 6pm news or your pastor said it does not mean it is true. There is only one place we can find the Truth and that is in God’s Word. Any thought, philosophy, or science that disagrees with scripture is a lie.

Here are a few popular lies that we hear today:

-The world took billions of years to create/form.

The Bible says God created the world in 7 days (Genesis 1). If God didn’t create the world in seven literal days then death entered the world before sin. That changes everything.

-Listen to your heart.

The Bible says the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9). Listening (and obeying) our hearts is the cause of a lot of heartache in this world.

–Live your best life now!

Really? That is not what I read in the Bible (John 16:33, I Peter 1:6-7). II Timothy says it best: “Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.” It can’t be any more clear than that. I wonder what a Christian facing great persecution would have to say about living his best life now?

–Make your dreams come true at all costs.

Make your dreams come true. Your dreams. There is the problem. When we turn to God, we give up our dreams. When we choose to follow Jesus, we also choose to deny ourselves (Mark 8:34). This is not a popular philosophy today, is it? DENYING ourselves and laying our dreams at the foot of the cross, living to glorify our heavenly Father instead of ourselves. Even as I write that sentence, I almost cringe knowing that even most fellow Christians do not ascribe to this “sold out” Christianity.

When we received the discouraging results of the personality test, I admit I did really have to struggle through that, worrying about that “nugget” of man’s wisdom for a day or two. But I knew that my fiance loved me. And I knew that I loved him. And, most importantly, I knew that we both loved God and were headed the same direction in our goals for our faith, family, and finances. What more could you ask than that?

And so, I am glad I chose not to believe that particular lie. It is almost daunting to think of the life I would have missed, had I backed away in fear! Not everything we hear is true or has merit.

How important it is that we put everything through the grid of the Bible. Satan is like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour and, while the test we took as a young engaged couple didn’t really fly in the face of scripture, there are many things we are told today that do. Let’s pay attention so that we are not deceived.

Why I Still Dress Up for Church

11 Comments / January 31, 2011 December 5, 2016

Why have so many people missed that verse in Hagamuk? You know the one–

Hagamuk 2:10: “Thou Shalt Wear Thy Best Robes to Worship.”

Okay, so I tried. As you most likely already know, there is no “official” verse on why one should dress up for church. And since the church has been busily throwing out traditions for the last 20 years, dressing up is now completely out of vogue. It is the exception–and certainly not the norm–to see people dressed in their best for Sunday mornings. And since there is nothing official in scripture stating why one should dress nicely–well, I don’t have much I can say, do I?

And, I would like to say right here–just so you are not confused–I am in no way judging you if you do not agree with me. Since there is not anything directly spoken to this issue in scripture, what you wear to church is between you and the Lord.

But just in case someone wonders why anyone would hold onto TRADITION so tightly like my family and me–well, I thought I would give some insight. Because it is a decision that our family has carefully thought through and not based on some thoughtless dedication to a long-held tradition that has now been completely tossed to the wind by most church-goers.

As I have mentioned already, within the past 20 years churches have gradually become a place where anything goes. Wear your jeans, your t-shirts, and your shorts. All people will be welcomed, no matter what you wear. And so they should be!! But dressing up doesn’t mean that we make people unwelcome. Do you feel unwelcome at a bank? Or when you go to see a lawyer or accountant’s office? It is so interesting that people still dress up to go to work. If you go into a bank or you work in a corporation, you still find “business attire”. It has long been understood that if you are dressed nicely, you act differently–more respectful and more professional–than if you are dressed casually.

I have also noticed that people still dress up to do things like meet the President of the United States, attend a wedding or a funeral, or to go to a symphony. Why do they bother to go to the work of dressing up? It is because they want to honor the person(s) in whose honor they are attending the function. It is a sign of respect and honor.

And so this is why our family has continued to wear our best on Sunday mornings, when the world around us has decided not to. Yes, we know that God looks on the heart (the argument we hear over and over again about why you don’t need to dress up for church). But let’s turn it around and instead of putting the focus on ourselves, let’s move it to God. What is the best way we can honor and respect God when we worship? One of the ways our family thinks this can be accomplished is by dressing up when we go to God’s House to worship.

And, by the way, just because some people wear nice clothing to church and then have hearts that are filled with legalistic garbage, doesn’t mean that all people who wear nice clothing are doing so because of legalism. This just isn’t the case.

I will close with a quote from Elisabeth Elliot’s book “Discipline”. She has encapsulated my thoughts perfectly.

“I know I am skating on very thin ice to bring up the question of dress, since it has, for several decades, been considered by most Christians as of very minor importance or of absolutely no importance since God looks on the heart. But I believe it is worth reconsidering in terms of respect. Is it not an indication of my regard for another person’s worth when I am willing to “dress up”- for a job interview, for example; for a special guest I am entertaining; for a social event to which I feel honored to have been invited? Is it not a sign of a performer’s respect for his audience and of the audience’s for the performer, when they dress for the occasion? It may be scorned as a form of pride (“who are you trying to impress”), but it may be genuine humility of the same sort that would prompt one to polish the silver, get out the beautiful tablecloth, and have candlelight and flowers for someone greatly loved. The attitude of students, I have noticed, is strongly influenced by a professor’s dress, as well as his manner.”