As a young family, we would open presents on Christmas morning and then scurry off to both sides of the family. After a few years, this became so burdensome and both my mom and my mother-in-law offered to move their gathering to a different day. “It’s just a day.” Our hearts were tremendously blessed by the flexibility of our parents and I determined to do the same when my time came.

Well, my time has come. Christmas will be a different affair for us this year. For the first time we won’t all be together during the holidays. And for the first time we won’t have our Christmas celebration on Christmas Day. And while I will especially miss our daughter and her family, I totally understand their decision to stay home every other year. And, in fact, I am glad they have made that choice for their own little family. Thankfully, the examples of our parents showed me that it can’t be about me but it must be about what is best for others.

But I’ve been thinking a bit about how big of a deal we make “family” this time of year. Christmas is no longer about Jesus to most people. It’s about love and good will. It’s about romance (thank you, Hallmark). And it’s about family. And while most of us have plenty of good will and have simply given up on the romance, we do still have this longing for the perfect family.

But what if you don’t have a family? Or yours is broken? Or super stressful? Or ill? Or part of yours is missing or gone on to heaven?

Most of us have something that messes up our ideal dream of family at Christmastime. We live in a fallen, sinful world and life just isn’t ideal. Perhaps we have expectations that we shouldn’t have. Perhaps we are focusing on the wrong thing.

I don’t know where you find yourself today. I am guessing many of you are living with unbearable hurt due to a tragic loss this Christmas. Some of you will probably do a lot of pretending, giving the impression that your marriage and your family are okay when they just aren’t. Some of you will face uncomfortable moments of conversation with angry or abrasive relatives that carry chips on their shoulders. And others of you will be alone, for many different reasons.

But it’s just a day. It’s one day out of the rest of year. Yes, it’s precious to get together with family. Family is a true gift from God. But it’s not the most important gift from God. Not even close.

God sent His Son into the world. He began humanity as a tiny baby laid in a manger. But that perfect baby grew up to be the perfect Man, a Savior who would die for you and for me so that we could be reconciled with God and have eternal life. An additional blessing included with God’s precious gift to us is also to provide us hope and joy and peace in this life.

But instead of finding our hope and joy and peace in Christ we often turn to other things. And one of those things that is most tempting to turn to for most of us is our families. But family will always disappoint. Because it’s made up of a bunch of sinners who won’t live forever.

So, whatever our circumstances may be regarding our families, may we remember to face our challenges with Christ as the center, instead of our feelings. May we take one step at a time and faithfully serve Christ in each and every moment. In the hard conversations; in the feelings of loneliness, grief, and loss; in the midst of those old familiar feelings that come boiling to the surface whenever a certain person draws near; and in the midst of the changes that inevitably come as the years pass.

Christ will not disappoint. He alone will not disappoint. If we abide in Him, He will abide in us. Apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:1-5).

So may we keep our eyes focused on Christ this Christmas and all through the year. Because, after all, Christmas is just a day.

Today I present Part 4 of this year’s Christmas story–

     Four weeks had passed since that first day in the mansion and Helen was beginning to learn that dreams rarely remain golden and that “grass is rarely greener on the other side of the fence”. While she did enjoy having her own room and not having to do housework, she desperately missed her big, noisy family and the cozy farmhouse.
     Here in the mansion life was simply…boring. She quickly learned that Aunt Ida, while always very kind, remained rather distant when any discussion of importance came up. There was no talk of anything that mattered. It was all parties and events and social gossip. Coming from a family that would discuss anything and everything with passion, Helen found this change the most difficult of all.
     She especially missed the family Bible time that her father led each Sunday evening. It was always a wonderful time of discussion and learning every week. She kept up with her Bible reading on her own but it wasn’t quite the same without the challenging discussions each week.
     Truthfully, she had been surprised to find out that mansions and glittering parties didn’t make one happy. And while mounds of laundry and hours in the kitchen had been frustrating, this boring life with little to do was far worse.
     This particular morning, a month or so before Christmas, found Helen rather glum. And the cold winter rain wasn’t helping her mood. Other than an hour or so working with Aunt Ida on meaningless correspondence, she had little to do. There would be another fancy dinner party that night but Helen wished she could just stay home instead of having to make idle talk with people she didn’t know.
     She climbed out of bed and considered ringing for Annie but even the idea of being waited upon had lost its luster. She found that she much preferred to just get herself dressed and ready for the day.
     An hour later she sat at the breakfast table with Aunt Ida eating bacon, eggs, and toast while listening to her discuss her schedule and her friends and her world. It was all so monotonous.
     The dreary morning passed slowly and, as usual, she was left to herself after lunchtime. One afternoon, a few weeks before, she had put on her coat and decided to check out the grounds. She had wandered through the gardens, which had very little to offer in December, and then had made her way to the stables. There she felt at home more than any other place. She had visited the stable most everyone day since then, developing a friendship with Mr. Walker and his favorite horse, Winnie.
     Deciding to go visit with Mr. Walker, she stopped by the kitchen, where friendly Mrs. Bundle was happy to give her a few carrots for Winnie. Helen always looked forward to her visits with Mr. Walker, for he alone on the mansion grounds was a fellow believer in Jesus Christ. He was effusive and enthusiastic as he talked of his salvation from sin and the wonderful faithfulness of God. Helen was drawn to him in the midst of the spiritually dead household.
     This particular day, Mr. Walker asked Helen if she had a few minutes to go with him to his cottage to meet his wife. He had a feeling they’d be “kindred spirits” as he put it.
     “Oh, I’d love to,” Helen’s eyes sparkled at the suggestion. She longed for a Christian woman in whom to confide. She had been so very lonely.
     They walked the trim path to the little white cottage the Stableman called home. They were met at the door by a pleasantly plump woman who wore a big smile.
“So this is Helen? It is so nice to finally meet you!”
     Helen smiled timidly as she stepped through the doorway. But inside the cottage was a warmth that reminded her of her own home. Mrs. Walker reminded her so much of her own dear mother and the two soon developed a friendship that was to be of great encouragement to Helen during her stay at the mansion.
     A week later, while Helen visited with her, she confided to Mrs. Walker her discontent in her new life. She told her how she had been so wrong in thinking that happiness was based on wealth and luxury and how she so longed to go back home.
     Mrs. Walker just listened as Helen poured her heart out to her. And then she gave her some profound counsel that Helen never forgot for the rest of her life.
     She said, “you know God has taught me a thing or two throughout my life. And one of the most important things I’ve learned is that you can’t look for joy—true joy—in your circumstances. Whatever they may be.”
     Helen listened closely.
     “I surely learned this the hard way,” she continued with just a bit of moisture gathering at her eyes, “you see, our dear Billy used to be quite the challenge. I’d complain about him loudly and often to whoever would listen. As a three year old he was already defiant and troublesome. He got into scrapes almost every day. Herbert and I just didn’t even know what to do. We just prayed and did what we thought was best. But I was always complaining in my heart about this troublesome boy. Why couldn’t he be like his sister? What did I do to deserve such a boy? Oh, my heart and my focus was more on my own troubles even more than on the dear boy that God had given as a gift to Herbert and me,” she heaved a heavy sigh.
     “And then one day, Lucy ran into the house screaming. Here Billy had walked out onto the pond, thinking it was frozen solid when it wasn’t. By the time we got to him, it was too late,” She stopped her story for a moment to blow her nose in her handkerchief.
     “Oh no, I am so sorry…” Helen murmured.
     Mrs. Walker held up her hand, “Oh, my dear, it is awful and, as you can see, I still get choked up when I think of my dear beloved Billy. Because I did love him so much. I often lost sight of that fact in the midst of my frustration. I didn’t realize just how much I loved him until he was no longer with us. But through that time, the Lord grew me up quite a bit. You see, I sadly realized that I wasn’t happy when Billy was alive and I wasn’t happy when Billy wasn’t alive. Oh, I was a fickle lass back then, never happy, always something not right. But as time went on and the shock of Billy’s leaving us started to fade, the Lord really began a work in my heart and taught me to be grateful for what I have. He taught me that my joy should be based on Him rather than on my situation. And you know what I realized most of all? That much of this complaining spirit I had was born out of one thing: My focus was always on me. Oh, woe is me. Poor little me. God taught me that I needed to get my eyes off of myself and on to Him,” She said emphatically and then she smiled sadly at Helen before saying, “I just wish we didn’t have to lose our son for me to learn this.”
     Helen thought about what Mrs. Walker had said for the rest of the day. Later on, after the dinner party was over and she sat cozily in her chair by the fire, she pondered further, considering the ramifications of the older woman’s wisdom in light of her new and rather unsatisfactory life at the mansion.
     She realized that she was just like the young Mrs. Walker. She hadn’t been happy at the farm and now she wasn’t happy here. And she wisely began to understand that she was the problem. She reflected on Mrs. Walker’s confession of thinking only of herself and she realized that this was again describing her perfectly. Every bit of discontent was because of her focus on self. Her happiness. Her desires. Her comfort. Her convenience. Her free time. Her room. And on and on it went. Helen grew more disgusted with herself. It was like Mrs. Walker’s words had ripped the blinders from her eyes and she was seeing herself as she really was for the first time ever.
     And, oh, how agonizing it was to finally see. She didn’t like to think of herself as selfish and self-absorbed. But, if she was going to be honest with herself, she had to admit that this was true.
     So how to change? What to do?
     She started to think about what God’s purpose might be in bringing her here, for He had obviously directed her path to live with Aunt Ida in her big mansion—at least for now. Perhaps it was to encourage and support her aunt. Even to share the Gospel with her? She thought of Annie and Alice and Mrs. Bundle. So friendly but so lost. They didn’t know that Jesus had died to pay for their sins and that they could live for eternity if they would put their faith and trust in Christ. Was she here at this time to share this Good News with them?
     As she sat there quietly by the fire, she realized all the many ways that she could be a blessing to the household in which she found herself.
     When she attended the next dinner party she viewed it as an opportunity instead of a dreaded activity. She tried to be more intentionally kind and interested in what others were saying, planting seeds for the Gospel as God gave her opportunities.
     And each evening she would take a moment to write in her journal something for which she was specifically thankful to God for on that day. She soon found that His grace and mercy on each day was enough. When she took her eyes off of herself and put them on God, she was filled with a joy that wasn’t based on her circumstances.
     She practiced this through the next few weeks. Soon Christmas approached. And, while this new perspective on life did give her a sense of purpose and made the days fly by faster, it didn’t take away the awful sadness that enveloped her just a little more each day. She was missing her family terribly and the closer Christmas came, the sadder she grew. The only thing she wanted was to be with her family for the holidays.
     Aunt Ida was kind enough but it just wasn’t the same. She kept telling herself that it was just a day. She would survive. But many evenings after the lights were turned off and the fire was low, her pillow would grow wet with tears.

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You can find the previous parts of this story and all of the other stories I’ve written for Christmas here.

Last week I visited Longwood Gardens, near Philadelphia, PA. They put up a lovely display for the holidays in their enormous greenhouse and then they also do an outdoor light display that provides a delightful winter walk in the evening. I hadn’t been there at Christmastime for several years and I was looking forward to meandering through the poinsettias, orchids, and other gorgeous flowers. I like the lights, too, but there is something about a greenhouse that just really captivates me. Especially one as large and well-maintained as Longwood’s.

As I walked through the different areas, I often stood back in awe. Sometimes I moved closer so that I could see the detail of a flower. I am really no fun to go to a greenhouse with because I am constantly stopping to look at an unusual bloom or to take a photo.

Eventually we got to my least favorite part of the house…the “desert” house. There we found the succulents and cacti. While succulents are rather nice, I really dislike cacti. They are spiky and uncomfortable if you accidentally rub up against them. Some of them look downright dangerous. And there is such a lack of color. Everything is a dusty or tannish green. Very few are bright and vibrant.

But then I saw a group of short cacti planted along the walkway. On top of a few of the bulbs was a bright pinkly-purple color. I leaned closer to see what was causing the color and I realized that this cactus was getting ready to bloom. It was a lovely sight, knowing that this prickly cactus was getting ready to bring forth lovely blooms.

Many of us (probably all of us) have our own “desert” room in life. The prickly people, the sticky or even dangerous situation, the boring, ho-hum job. All of the stuff we don’t like about our lives and would even be tempted to complain about if we didn’t know complaining was a sin! (Oh, alright, yes, the stuff we complain about… we just have to keep working on that one, right??)

But in the midst of that desert room, we can often find unexpected blooms. They often come from the most surprising places and bless our souls immensely.

I am reminded of a quote by Richard Sibbes that I came across yesterday: The depths of our misery can never fall below the depths of God’s mercy.

Those blooms are like God’s mercy, and they are especially wonderful when we need to spend more time in that desert room than we’d prefer.

But sometimes we forget to look for the blooms. I could have easily walked by the cacti at my feet without noticing that slight flush of pink. The blooms don’t always hit us at eye level but can sit close to the ground or sit behind another plant. Oftentimes, the mercy may be just a small thing that, when we reflect back, we recognize that God’s hand was working to encourage and comfort us.

As is the case for so much of the Christian life, seeing the blooms really starts with getting our eyes off of ourselves and on to our God. It’s the purposeful removing of my focus from my own misery and affliction and intentionally trusting God to work out His Sovereign plan. Only then can we see the blooms that God sends on our pathway through the desert room. Of course, most times this is easier said than done, is it not?

Shall we try to look for a bloom or two in our desert rooms today? There may be one right where we least expected it.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:3

Today I offer part 3 of this year’s Christmas story. It’s a bit different than stories from previous years but I do hope some of you are enjoying Helen’s adventure. You can find Part 1 here and Part 2 here, if you missed them.

     Helen stepped off the train with trepidation to the platform teeming with people. Holding her valise, she managed to step through the crowd and move into the station where she searched for the “large window on the far right” where she had been told to wait. Helen watched the crowds of people move to and fro in the busy station as she waited nervously in this less bustling area. It wasn’t long before she heard her name called.
     “Miss Andrews?” A bald, kindly man who appeared to be middle-aged stepped towards her and, after Helen had given a gentle nod of her head, he continued, “I am Mr. Walker, Mrs. Hart’s Groomsman and Gardener. Welcome to Cleveland.”
     “Nice to meet you,” she smiled.
     “Follow me this way, Miss.”
     Helen followed the man through the cold November drizzle to a grand horse and carriage. He opened the door and she stepped inside, “wait here while I go get your trunk. I’ll be but a moment,” and with that, he was gone.
     Helen, both exhausted and excited, leaned over to look out the window. This was her first visit to the city and she didn’t want to miss anything. Within a few minutes she heard a big clunk outside as her trunk was put on the carriage.
     Mr. Walker opened the door, “are you all set to go, Miss?”
     Helen nodded with a smile and soon they were on their way. She slid over to the window to watch the city streets pass by. Large and small storefronts, as well as apartment buildings filled her view. After several blocks, she began to see the row homes that sat at the edge of the city. But within a few blocks these homes gave way to larger and larger homes. Soon they turned on to a tree-lined avenue where stately mansions stood far back from the street.
     A beautiful red brick mansion, with a grand cupola on the left and a beautiful round turret on the right caught her eye. She was delighted when the carriage turned into the long, winding driveway in front of it.
     Soon Mr. Walker was guiding her to the front door of the home that stood tall and upright in the large, sprawling yard.
     A serious, dignified man met them at the door, “Thank you, Mr. Walker. Come and follow me, Miss.”
     For the first time since she had arrived, Helen began to wonder if she had made the right decision. The inside of this enormous home was lovely but it felt rather cold and impersonal. Nothing like her friendly farmhouse back home. Would she get used to it?
     Following the man back the main hallway, he led her to a sitting room, where an older woman sat with a cup of tea. The gold curtains that hung beside each of the two tall windows echoed the color of the fire roaring in the large white fireplace, giving the room a cozy and warm ambience.
     “Aaahh! You’ve arrived!” The woman exclaimed with delight. She left her chair and came to greet her with a kiss on each cheek, “It is just marvelous to have you here!”
     Helen observed her Aunt Ida with curiosity. She wore an old-fashioned green day gown with little sprigs of flowers on it. Around her shoulders was a cream-colored lace shawl. Her lined face was pleasant and open. Helen breathed a sigh of relief.
     “Come, come, and sit down. I am sure you are worn out from your journey,” she led Helen to a large wing-backed chair that stood across from her own seat not far from the fire.
     “Now, let’s get you a cup of strong hot tea. What do you like in your tea, my dear?” She asked as she started to pour her a cup from the tray on the table that sat nearby. She added a bit of sugar and milk before Helen even had time to answer.
     Handing it to her with a smile, she went to the wall and pulled a rope. A slender older woman answered her call.
      “Oh, Mrs. Jenkins, would you be so kind to get our young guest something to eat? I am sure she is just famished after traveling.” Helen realized suddenly that she was quite hungry and appreciated her aunt’s thoughtfulness.
     Mrs. Jenkins smiled and said that she would be right back.
     “Now, dear, please tell me all about yourself! Your Grandmother believes you are just perfect for what I need. Of course, she is excited for you to be here because now she will get to see you more often! In fact, we already scheduled a dinner for Saturday,” Aunt Ida seemed to just burst forth with energy and enthusiasm.
     Helen smiled timidly, unsure if she was supposed to say anything now or just let her keep talking. Soon she found out that Aunt Ida would keep talking. Aside from a few specific questions she was asked, she mostly listened for the next hour as Aunt Ida shared about her life here in town and what she would expect Helen to do with her and for her.
     She also told her about how the household ran and that only recently she had pared her staff down to six servants since her needs were so minimal. She told her that Jenkins, the butler and Mrs. Jenkins, the housekeeper had met and married while working for her and Harry and had continued on with them through the years, becoming like family. Annie, the only lady’s maid, would help Helen with any needs she had. Alice, the house maid helped Mrs. Jenkins, and Mr. Walker took care of the stable and the grounds. Mrs. Bundle rounded out the staff as the much-loved cook.
     “You will meet them all by and by. Overall, I am quite blessed by the staff I have here,” Aunt Ida concluded her lengthy explanation regarding the servants.
     While her job description didn’t appear difficult, the enormous change this move would bring to her life suddenly felt a bit overwhelming to Helen. Aunt Ida must have noticed because, upon completion of the tea and delicious scones that Mrs. Jenkins had brought, she looked upon Helen with kindly eyes and said, “Well, that’s enough for now. Let’s get you to your room so that you can rest a bit before dinner,” and with that, she rang the bell again and soon Helen was following Mrs. Jenkins up the grand staircase to her new bedroom.
     She had dreamed of the day of having her own room and now her dream was coming true. Following staid Mrs. Jenkins through the hallway they finally entered a grand room. On the walls were the small blue flowers of Helen’s daydream. Long, lovely windows looked out on the gardens at the back of the house and were surrounded by thick, blue velvet drapes. The four poster bed was both high and inviting.
     “I’ll leave you now, Miss. Please don’t hesitate to ring the bell if you need anything,” she pointed to the rope hanging near the bed and then continued, “dinner is at six. Mrs. Hart does keep the tradition of dressing for dinner. If you need any help getting dressed, just let me know and I’ll send Annie up,” and with that, Mrs. Jenkins smiled politely and left.
     Helen looked down at her traveling clothes wryly. Well, they certainly wouldn’t do for dinner but she wasn’t sure she had anything that would do for dinner. She sat down on the bed and looked around the large room. A fire crackled pleasantly in the fireplace directly in front of the bed and two cozy chairs sat nearby. Between them stood a small table. Over to her right were the three tall windows and along the wall to her left stood a large wardrobe and a dresser complete with the lovely creamy white pitcher and bowl of her dream.
     Helen sighed with pure bliss. She was living what she had dreamed and so far it was grand!

The conversation was years ago now. But I can still remember it. Immature behavior of the past continued to bring censure and judgement from another Christian who just refused to see past the past. It was a source of great frustration. I could feel their pain. Perhaps you can, too. Many of us have said or done stupid and wrong things and have had Christian siblings who have walked away from us because of it. They have never forgiven us or gave us room to grow in the Lord. Even if it was five or twelve or thirty years ago.

I never fail to be amazed at the lack of grace and forgiveness we show one another in the church when it comes to personal offense and hurt. We have much tolerance for all kinds of sin but when it comes to this there is zero tolerance. Personal offense has become the ultimate sin.

We can see how this wreaks havoc on a church and in families. So-and-so doesn’t want to be on a committee with this person or serve in a ministry with that person. Or they pretend to like someone, all the while gossiping about them or harboring ill-will in their heart towards them.

Now, of course, we need to admit that we aren’t going to feel kinship with everyone. Our personalities are all different and we will naturally be drawn to certain people and not to others. Ideally, this should be no cause for strife. But, of course, we don’t live in an ideal world, do we?

I thought of all of this as I was reading Philemon yesterday. The letter never used the words “forgiveness” or “second chance” but that is the theme of the book. Paul is writing a letter from Rome to his Christian brother, Philemon, regarding a slave by the name of Onesimus that had stolen from him and ran away to Rome. Through God’s Providence, Onesimus had become saved through Paul’s ministry there and was a new creation. Paul was writing to Philemon asking him to forgive Onesimus and give him a second chance.

I wonder if Paul had his own experience in mind when he wrote. He, who had been one of the worst persecutor of believers, had become a new creation in Christ and, understandably, the disciples viewed him skeptically and held him at arm’s length. It was Barnabas who gave him opportunity to share his testimony. The rest were afraid. There are only a few verses in Acts 9 that talk about this but I can’t help but wonder if proving that he was not the same man as before to his fellow Christians was no simple process and I wonder if this may have been cause for much discouragement and heartache.

And so when Paul is writing to Philemon, asking him to give Onesimus a second chance, Paul knows exactly how Onesimus feels. He understand his desire to make things right now that he had been transformed by Jesus Christ. And so he pleaded with Philemon to give him that opportunity.

I think this is a message we all need to hear. As believers, we should be people known for forgiveness and second chances. Not just for those who have been transformed by Christ through salvation but also for those who are being transformed by Christ through sanctification.

Because the encouraging truth is this: If we are believers, we are not the same person today as we were last year. Or the year before that. Or two years before that. We are growing and changing and maturing in the faith. It is so critical we remember this as we reflect on our own hurts and offenses from others. They, too, if they are saved, are growing and changing and maturing. We need to offer love and forgiveness and grace.

But what if we struggle with someone that hasn’t changed and doesn’t seem to be in the process of change? What then?

That’s a great question. And one that can be answered so clearly from this verse in Matthew–

But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:15)

Our call is to forgive and offer grace to all people (regardless of their desire or lack thereof of that forgiveness and grace), just as God forgave us and offers us SO MUCH grace.

Our forgiveness and grace isn’t based on that person deserving it. It’s based on the undeserved forgiveness and grace we have received from God.

I’ve noticed in my own life that my forgiveness and grace for others has become easier (not easy) as I am growing in my understanding of just how much I need God’s forgiveness and grace.

As a young believer I truly had no concept of the depth of my own sin. I thought I was a pretty good person and my pride in my “goodness” made me a person who was easily offended. But study of the Word and examination of self through the years started opening my eyes. And, while I still have such a long way to go, I am thankful to God for His work in my life. If you are a growing believer, I know you can say the same thing.

I think this topic of forgiveness and grace for one another is such an important one. While the culture (including the Christian culture) calls for effusive grace when it comes to SIN the call in regards to personal disagreements, hurts, and offenses is to offer NO grace. This is completely opposite of what is written for us in scripture.

There, we find that we are not to tolerate sin but rather confront it gently with the idea of restoration. (Galatians 6:1) AND that we are to offer forgiveness and grace for personal wrongs (Philemon).

A long time ago now, I started intentionally thinking three little words when I would be personally offended: “Let it roll”. Just let it roll.

This little phrase has served me well through the years. When I was tempted to hold a grudge or say something unwise in response, I’d think of this little phrase. When I was mulling over hurtful words or a bit of gossip said about me, I would first evaluate the truthfulness of what was said and take action if necessary and then I would think of this little phrase: Let it roll. This phrase continues to help me even to this day.

Just as rain rolls right off of a duck’s back so should those personal offenses and hurtful words roll right off of our backs. Now, of course, there are times when we need to have hard conversations due to patterns of behavior. Times when those little words aren’t adequate.

But, in my personal experience, they often are adequate. They often do remind me to let things go rather than to hold on to them and stew about them and make the offense bigger in my mind.

Whether it is with family or friends or co-workers and anyone else God puts in our paths, may we be known as people of forgiveness and grace, rather than people of grudges and bitterness.

Below you will find Part Two of this year’s Christmas story. If you missed Part One, you can find it here. Happy reading!

     A week later found Helen outside hanging up laundry in the late autumn sunshine. It was a breezy, brisk day and the wet clothing combined with the cold air was making her fingers freeze. She looked up as she heard the wagon. Papa had gone to town for supplies and he usually brought a small treat back for each of the children. Even though Helen considered herself to mature to enjoy penny candy, she was secretly glad that Papa still brought her some.
     “Whoah,” Papa pulled the wagon up next to the house and jumped down. In his hand he held two letters. This was not unusual as both Papa and Mama had family back east in Cleveland.
     Mama was wiping her hands on a towel as she came out to greet Papa with a smile.
     “Two letters today,” John handed them to her. Helen knew that Mama loved the letters she got from Grandma and her sisters. It was a bit hard on her to live so far from her family.
     Helen continued hanging up the laundry until the last piece was hung on the line and then she went inside to find mama reading her letters at the kitchen table.
     “Anything interesting?” Helen asked.
     “Well, actually, yes…” Mama looked at her with speculative, twinkly eyes.
     “Well…what?” Helen laughed.
     “I’d like to talk to your father before I tell you what’s in this specific letter,” she held up a piece of paper with large, scrawling handwriting and then pointing to the second letter laying on the table, “but Grandma sends her love,” she added with a smile.
     A bit annoyed, Helen wandered off into the living room where her younger siblings were playing quietly. She busied herself with her knitting basket as she pondered the author and message of the mysterious letter.
     Several hours later the younger children were in bed and the older children sat at the table doing their homework. Helen’s parents found her in the living room reading. Her mama held the letter in her hand. Helen looked up expectantly. Now what could be in that letter?
     “We’d like to talk to you for a moment,” said Mama as she sat down on the sofa. A smiling Papa sat down next to her.
     “This letter is from my Aunt Ida. She was talking to Grandma and telling her that her companion recently got married and that she is in need of a new one. Grandma suggested you,” she paused a moment to let it sink in.
     Helen sat there, dumbfounded. Wealthy Aunt Ida was requesting her as a companion? “What would I do?”
     Her father answered, “According to her letter you would help her with correspondence and entertaining, as well as simply keep her company.”
     “That’s it?” Helen asked, surprised.
     “That’s it,” Mama laughed and then continued, “What a different life it would be for you compared to your life here on the farm. But your father and I feel like you should do this. It’s a wonderful opportunity. Aunt Ida is such a dear and she’s all alone now that Uncle Harry passed away a few years ago.”
     Thoughts swirled through Helen’s mind. She had never met Aunt Ida but she did remember Mama talking about her “rich relatives”. Aunt Ida had met and married Uncle Harry when he was an up and coming businessman. He had done very well for himself and, many years ago, the couple had moved to a big, rambling mansion in the best part of Cleveland. Aunt Ida had stayed living there despite the fact that she was all alone now.
     While Helen had spent many hours dreaming of living in a mansion, she never thought it would actually happen. The excitement began to grow within her as she thought of what lay before her.
     “Yes! I’ll do it!” she said suddenly and eagerly.
     “Wonderful,” her mama said it a bit hesitantly as the ramifications of her oldest daughter moving away settled in on her heart. As with most mamas, she wanted what was best for her beloved child but that would sometimes mean hurt to her own heart. While she did rely on Helen for help around the house and with the younger children, she knew that her other older children could fill that hole. No, what she would really miss was Helen herself. As she had grown older, the mother and daughter had developed a burgeoning friendship and she would sorely miss her. But Mama knew she had to encourage her daughter to grab hold of this exciting opportunity so she shooed the unhappy thoughts away and pasted a large smile on her face as she added, “you will love my Aunt Ida. She is a delightful lady. ”
     Papa lovingly squeezed Mama’s hand. He knew how hard this was for her but he also agreed that it was important for Helen to take advantage of this unexpected and amazing opportunity.
     Mama and Helen both wrote letters to Aunt Ida in response to her letter and the next few weeks were a flurry of activity as they prepared Helen for her big adventure.
     Three weeks later, she stood by the train station with her family. The youngest children were especially sad that “their Helen” was leaving them and the good-bye was difficult. There were many hugs and kisses and not a few tears as she climbed on to the train that would take her east to her new life.

It is getting to that time of year when we start thinking about our goals for the new year. 2022 is winding down and 2023 promises fresh starts and new beginnings. For those of us that are redeemed by the blood of Christ, something that often comes to mind when we consider new beginnings is growing more consistent in our Bible reading and study. But where to begin?

There are so many things that we have to do in this life. Children to care for. Jobs to go to. Houses to clean. Laundry to wash. Food to shop for and then make. Yard work. The list goes on and on. And there is also that long list of things we really want to do. Hobbies. Entertainment. Get-togethers with families and friends. Sports and fitness. Home decor. That list also goes on and on. So where does the Bible fit in that list of priorities?

If Bible Reading/Study is something that you want to work on for 2023, Growing4Life may be able to help. Back in 2015 I had the idea of presenting a Bible Reading Challenge for my readers. I took 2016 off, provided another challenge in 2017 and have been providing them for my readers ever since, making helpful changes along the way. I really believe that you will enjoy taking part of the upcoming challenge, should you choose to do so. :)

So why do I believe this is one good option (of so many good options out there) to read and study your Bible in 2023? There are a few reasons why I especially love this challenge for 2023 and I hope you will agree with me–

First, it is suitable for anyone. It is for those of you who are not a Christian (yet!) but want to know more about the Bible. It’s for those of you who are somewhat familiar with the Bible and for those who are advanced students of scripture. This challenge is unique in that it works for anyone.

Second, this study is so wonderfully flexible regarding time commitment. During busy months when you can hardly find a spare minute, you can spend time reading (or even listening) to the assigned passages. During other months that aren’t quite so full, you can reap the rich rewards of really studying the Bible passage. Perhaps life overwhelms you and you totally stop reading the Bible. Even then, this challenge makes it easy to jump right back in. There is no getting behind or catching up in this study unless you set specific goals for yourself that are not challenge-related.

Third, this challenge includes scripture study from both the Old Testament and the New Testament, which helps so very much with understanding the cohesiveness and consistency of scripture from beginning to end.

Fourth, there is a specific Facebook group to help support and keep you going (should you choose to join). This offers some accountability along with support from like-minded believers.

Fifth (and NEW this year), there is a corresponding workbook to help make the most of the challenge. It is full of open-ended questions for each chapter of study. The goal is for this to help you really think through each passage as well as to help you remember more by writing down what you are learning. I am excited to offer this to participants in this year’s challenge. (However, please note that it is not necessary to buy the notebook to participate in the challenge. It is simply an extra help for those who would like it.)

Find out more about the 2023 Growing4Life Bible Reading challenge at this link. I can’t think of any new habit to begin that is more important than making time to be in the Word. I truly hope that this challenge will help you to develop (or continue!) this habit in your life.

I’ll probably write more about this again later, but I did want to let you know that the challenge is up and ready to go, as well as to let you know about the new workbook you can purchase to help you to get more out of the challenge (if you choose to do so. Again, it is NOT necessary to participate.)

Have a great week!

Today I present to you the first part of the 2022 Christmas story! For the next five weeks, I will post a part of this story, wrapping it up the Friday before Christmas. This year’s story takes place back in the Victorian era, where we meet a young girl (whom I have given the name of my beloved, late grandmother) who learns a lesson at Christmastime about what really matters. I hope you enjoy it! And now for part one–

     Helen Andrews closed her eyes to dream for just a moment before being jarred back to reality by a scream from her little sister.
     “He hit me! Oh, that hurt,” Betsy cried.
     Grabbing her six-year-old brother by the shoulder, Helen guided him to a nearby chair and told him to sit. He obeyed but his expression made it clear that he wasn’t very happy about it.
     “Now, George, why can’t you just be nice to your sister?” Helen scolded. She sat down next to Betsy, who was looking at a picture book. Picking up the novel that lay close by, she tried to read.
     Helen was the oldest of nine children, of whom George and Betsy were the youngest. The Andrews family lived on a small farm out in the country. Life was hard but the family was happy in their little farmhouse.
     Except for Helen. She was not happy. She dreamed of mansions and cities and of having a bedroom all to herself. She was weary of taking care of little brothers and sisters, of washing mounds of laundry, and of cooking for an army. She was tired of farm animals and gardening and storing up food for the winter. Being part of a large family and living on a farm in the late 1800s filled her with discontent.
     She gave a deep and troubled sigh and tried to focus on the novel in her hand. Glancing over at George, she found him staring up at the ceiling, “You can get up, George.”
     He enthusiastically hopped out of the chair and went back to the toy train on the floor as Helen returned to her daydreaming. What would her life be like if she didn’t have any siblings to take care of? No chores to do every single day? What if she had a room all to herself? What if she even had a servant to help her dress and serve her breakfast? She sighed with longing as she imagined herself in a four poster bed covered with a blue and white quilt, in a room where the walls were covered with miniature blue flowers. Over to the side sat a dresser with a beautiful and expensive pitcher and bowl. The large windows spilled the rays of the sun on to the bed where she lay…
     “Helen! Come peel potatoes for supper,” Her mother disrupted her lovely dream.
     In the kitchen she found her sisters, Eleanor and Charlotte, folding mounds of laundry. Well, at least she had gotten out of that chore for today.
     George and Betsy soon wandered into the kitchen to play by the hearth, where a roaring fire sent out its comforting warmth. Helen didn’t yet realize what a lovely picture this large family made as they worked and played together in the large farmhouse kitchen.
     A few hours later, the family was seated around the large kitchen table in front of a large ham, fried potatoes, cooked carrots, and freshly-baked bread.
     “Let’s bow our heads,” Helen’s father smiled at his children. A hard-working farmer, he always worked up quite an appetite but he was never too hungry to first thank the Lord for the food in front of them.
     While he prayed, Helen’s mind wandered back to that big bedroom in her mind’s fantasy mansion. Little did she realize that her dream was soon to become reality.

Please NOTE: You can read past years’ Christmas stories here. If you prefer to read them in a book or ebook, I have compiled them and have made them available on Amazon, which you can find at this link.

On Saturday, I tiredly stood in line at the airport store with two cokes in my hand. I took a step forward as one person finished paying and the next person moved up to the cashier. Quite suddenly and without any warning whatsoever, I was unexpectedly assailed by the woman standing in front of me. Move back!! There is a law to stay back five feet! Thank you! She scolded angrily.

Before I could even really see her face, she had whirled back around. 

I eyed her back distastefully, stayed where I was, and took a look around me. I had not invaded her personal space in any way. I was several feet behind her already. There were no signs on the wall nor marks on the floor indicating any “rule”. I was not only perturbed and puzzled but, strangely, I felt hurt by this stranger who I would never, ever see again. 

(And, honestly, I respect her fear. If she felt strongly about the “stay back five foot” rule that she apparently lives by, she still could have said it in a kind and loving way. Sometimes we do need to communicate something that isn’t pleasant. But it need not be said unpleasantly.)

As I reflected on this later, I couldn’t help but contrast her rude and unnecessary behavior to another conversation I had after that. Standing in line with a Southwest Mechanic at Chick-Fil-A, he was kind and friendly. What a difference!

These conversations reminded me of our effect on others every day. Strangers, acquaintances, family, friends, and co-workers. Every single person we talk to may be cheered or hurt by us. We can encourage or we can discourage. We can build up or we can tear down. All of this is with our words.

James says that our tongues are like a fire (James 3:6). Fire is deadly and can cause terrible destruction. But used in the right way, it can be a blessing of warmth in the cold. It is used to cook, to heat our homes, to mold precious metals. But fire must always be controlled.

And so it is with our tongues. We can use them for such good purposes or we can lose control and they can cause great damage.

Do you remember that old adage “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”?

Well, it’s not true. I bet each one of you can remember something that someone has said to you that was hurtful. Words do hurt. They hurt a LOT.

We will never have a conversation with most of the people we see and run into every day. But when God gives us the opportunity to talk with someone, it should be our desire to leave them feeling loved and encouraged.

If you are like me, you will find this hardest to do with your own family. It is often much easier to be kind to a stranger. But in our families, where we feel free to let our guards down and where past hurts and frustrations mar the relationship…well, then it is not quite so easy. I find myself so easily saying unkind words to my own husband. I don’t mean to. But they are often out before I catch them. There goes that destructive tongue again! Ughhhh.

We don’t get free passes to sin at home. I think sometimes we act like we do, don’t we? We put on a nice show when we are out and about but change how we treat others when we are in our own homes.

I am so very thankful for my husband, who forgives me over and over again. Of course, I do the same for him when he says hurtful and unkind things to me. It’s part of marriage. It’s part of family. Letting things roll and forgiving much. It’s the only way to make any relationship work.

But in the midst of all of the rolling and forgiving, we must not–we cannot–stop working on how we speak to one another. We don’t want to get lazy in our efforts to really love one another.

So will you join me in really considering how we use our tongues today? Let’s make an effort to encourage and build up, both at home and out and about. Not only when we are happy but also when we are really frustrated. Both when we feel like being nice and when we don’t feel like being so nice.

It’s easy to be kind when we feel like being kind. But there are no conditions on kind and edifying words. We are to speak them always. We are to always be carefully controlling the fire that is our tongue. A true challenge for us all.

QUICK NOTE: On Friday I will begin a brand new Christmas Story. It is so hard to believe it is that time of year again already! I recently compiled my prior Christmas stories into a book that I have made available on Amazon. It includes all of the stories written so far, along with one new one. (That particular story will only be available in the book. I plan to write a brand new one here for the blog this coming month.) You can find the book here.

By the way…if you have already purchased the book and have enjoyed it, I would so appreciate your positive review on Amazon. That would be a real blessing to me. :)

Good morning! Today will be a different kind of post. I’ve been busy preparing some things that I hope will be a blessing to my readers. But before I share what they are I wanted to share a bit of my heart with you.

Some of you are new here, so let me first say that I still sometimes find myself wondering how I got here– writing a blog that points people to God and His Word and includes sharing about my life so publicly in the process. (The following will be familiar to those of you who are longtime readers, as I’ve written bits and pieces about this in past posts.)

When I started blogging in 2010, it was without much expectation. It was a place for me to write (and I’ve always loved to write since I was a little girl) and that was about the extent of it. But then I started feeling like I should “market” this blog. After all, wouldn’t that be the good? Isn’t that what I was “supposed to do”? It certainly was, according to podcasts and conferences about blogging.

I soon realized something: A biblical blog is generally not going to be a very popular blog and will both create enemies and let you know who your true friends are. While I never expected people to agree with me all the time, I was happy to agree to disagree. I don’t dislike or bear ill will towards anyone who doesn’t agree with what I have written.

It’s also important to note here that I have no illusion that I am right all the time. As I’ve said so often here on the blog: It doesn’t matter one little bit what my opinion is. The question for any Christian must always be: what is God’s opinion? That is the only opinion that matters. And the place we find that opinion is in His Word. It’s so important to examine what anyone says (or writes or sings) against what the Bible says.

But so many people–even many Christians– don’t want to know what the Bible says. Because it costs just too much to submit and to obey. I do understand the difficulty and I have much grace for the believer who has that battle raging within them. I’ve fought and continue to fight that same battle. But we dare not give up or reject God’s Word. We must keep fighting. We must hold on to the anchor and guide that God has given us for this life and seek to obey His Word.

But I found that many people did not have grace and understanding for me and what I believed God had called me to do. I have tried my best to point people to the Word for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3) but I have to admit that I have been stunned and deeply hurt over the rejection, antagonism, and misunderstanding I have received because of this blog through the years. But I am fine. Please don’t feel bad for me. I did have some rough years but God continued to encourage me through His Word and through encouragement from many of you and I have been able to feel at peace about this (Studying I Peter recently has also been a great encouragement to me regarding this!)

I would also like to add here how much I especially appreciate those of you who have afforded me grace and have continued to read (or to be my friend), despite the fact that you don’t agree with me on every point. I am grateful for you.

Around the same time I was realizing the hard truth of the cost I was probably going to pay in writing, I was also feeling a bit uneasy about “marketing myself”. I was so relieved when I heard someone in ministry say something about this. The wisdom of what they said struck me profoundly. This person had committed to never marketing their ministry in any way but to instead let the increase up to God. This struck a cord within me. Yes, I would leave the increase up to God. I became content with the small readership that God had given and just wanted to faithfully serve God through this tiny little platform.

One morning, a few years later, I sat down to write a post. I wrote it in just a few minutes and hit “publish”. Imagine my surprise when this post went viral. Over the course of the next year and a half, this post would make my blog known to people across the world. I was shocked and not a little disconcerted! God, as only He can do, had used that post to grow the blog to where it is today. Not really all that huge in the scope of things but much bigger than I ever expected.

I am truly thankful for each one of you who has taken your precious time to read the blog. I hope that it points you to the Bible, encourages you in your walk with God, and gives you hope in the midst of all that is going on in this world. I do believe God has called me to encourage the saints through this platform specifically and it is with this calling in mind that I share these two announcements–

First…

I can think of no other thing that is more important for a believer than to be in the Word, studying for themselves. This is why I started the Growing4Life Bible Reading Challenge seven years ago. I am excited to announce that the 2023 Bible Reading Challenge is up! (You can find more about that here.) I will write a special post on the upcoming challenge at a later date, closer to the end of the year. But I did want to let you know about something I’ve been working on related to this…

In December of last year, I had the very last-minute idea of creating a corresponding workbook for the challenge. I created it quickly, found a local printer, and went to the work of sending each one out individually to those who wanted it. Personally, I found the workbook very helpful in my own personal study. It made me dig a bit more and really figure out what the passage was saying. And so I decided to do another one for this year. But I wasn’t sure how to go about making it available to Growing4Life readers who may be interested in it. Especially those of you who live in different countries. At the suggestion of a few friends, I looked into making it available on Amazon. Lo and behold, this was not impossible and so I got to work. I am happy to say it IS available there. It should be available to you, no matter where you live in the world. You can find it here–

Second…

When I realized that publishing on Amazon wasn’t all that hard, I set about the task of compiling my Christmas stories into one book for you, my readers. I know many of you are not interested in this, but I think there are a few of you who may be. I have no grand illusions of this book’s success. I know that there will be a very select few who are interested in this. But it was a really great way to wade into the publishing world. I didn’t do everything perfectly, that’s for sure. There is a lot to think of and there is much by way of formatting that is complicated (and annoying, too!) It took a lot of work, but the reward of seeing the book listed on Amazon was worth it. In the book you will find all of the stories I’ve featured on the blog so far, along with one new story that has never been published before. You can find that book here–

Quite honestly, I have not grown any more comfortable with marketing myself than I was all those years ago. And I am not writing to earn money. In fact, my generous husband has footed the bills for running this blog each year (it costs me several hundred dollars each year to keep this blog ad-free). And so it goes against my grain to “sell these books”. But it is my prayer that both of these resources I’ve made available may be of great encouragement to some of you. And I really hope that An Extraordinary Christmas will plant seeds of the Gospel in the hearts of those readers who don’t know Christ personally. And this is why I published these two books– to encourage believers and to plant seeds of the Gospel in those who would never read the stories on the blog.

And one final note–if you used the workbook last year and found it beneficial or if you have read the Christmas stories through the years, would you consider writing a review on Amazon? Books without reviews on Amazon look so forlorn and lonely… I would appreciate so much if some of you would take the time to do this. Thank you so much in advance!!

I hope these brand new resources will be a great blessing to you!