The other day I was walking through an unfamiliar grocery store, browsing though the many aisles where there is a selection I cannot find at the stores near home.
I soon found myself in the Christmas candy aisle, gazing at all the many treats to be found there, when my eyes landed on a tin covered with a photo of brightly colored candies.
In an instant, my mind went back to Christmases of yesteryear, where this candy always had a place. Ribbon candy, the hard candy with the flower in the center, the straws and squares filled with chocolate or mint…
I could almost taste it.
I don’t normally buy candy (I am not its biggest fan) but that drew me in—despite it’s rather expensive price—and I picked up the box and put it in my cart.
When I got home, I opened that box and picked out a piece. I savored it and enjoyed it and…haven’t touched the box since. It was good but not as good as I remember and I am still not much of a candy fan. I will enjoy it throughout the season, I am sure. If I don’t, my husband will, as he is a big fan of candy.
Memories are funny things, aren’t they? They can trick us into forming opinions. Sometimes those opinions are accurate and sometimes they just aren’t.
I was thinking about this as I realized over the past few weeks that I have formed opinions about a few people based on one thing they may have said in the past or one thing that happened.
Is this even fair?
Is my memory even correct about what was said or what I “remember” happening? Or did it become exaggerated? Was it “mis-remembered”?
As I was reflecting on this, my heart sank, realizing that people were probably still judging me on one of the many stupid things I have said in the past. One of the biggest crosses to bear if you are a “talker” is this. Many times we aren’t even aware that we offended or hurt someone and it was never our intention to do so.
I don’t think I talk without thinking like I used to, although I am sure it still happens sometimes. I have started praying as soon as I leave a conversation that has made me worry about offending someone. O, Lord, please let them know my heart. Please let them know I didn’t mean to offend them. O, please help them to forgive me if I said something with the wrong tone or in a sinful way.
I don’t know if He has answered that prayer. And I cannot control how someone else responds. I can only continue to work on making sure anything that leaves my mouth is said with love and humility. It will be a lifelong struggle for someone like me. But it is truly my desire to please the Lord in all I say.
But as I was thinking about my struggle in this area and the grace I long to receive from others, I realized I was not extending the same grace.
And so now I am going to choose to extend grace. I am going to stop judging someone based on a past offhand comment that my imperfect memory has contrived to give motive or purpose to.
Life is short. Relationships are hard enough without imperfect memories crowding our minds and adding dark shadows to our relationships.
That candy was good but it wasn’t as good as I remembered. The joy of that candy was in the memory of it.
It was a good reminder that my memory is not perfect. Sometimes it remembers things in an exaggerated good way and sometimes it remembers things in an exaggerated bad way. And many times it doesn’t remember anything at all! Isn’t it amazing how much we don’t remember from the past? But that’s another subject altogether, isn’t it?
I am sharing this today in hopes that it may encourage us all to extend grace to others and to not rely on our memories that really cannot be relied upon.
And if someone did say something hurtful or awkward or stupid, then let’s make the choice today to forgive them and wipe the slate clean.
Because life is just too short to base our relationships on the past.
**PLEASE NOTE: This post is NOT referring to serious things that have happened in the past. I am not referring to abuse or to habitual actions and words that have caused much pain. I am referring here only to the off-hand comments or actions that are said or done (often unintentionally) and which we tend to exaggerate in our minds.
AMEN!