Lessons to Learn

Last week was hard. This week is no walk in the park, mind you. But last week was hard. In a “temporary, we-will-get-through-this” kind of way. As many of you know already, my husband had major back surgery a week and a half ago. We expected some discomfort and some pain. Our expectations were a little off!

I wrote a personal email sent only to “engaged” subscribers* regarding some of the struggles and lessons I was learning last week. I always process better when I write and so I wrote to them. I wasn’t ready to make my feelings public or open to judgment at that point, but I also realized that I was not alone in what I was feeling and I hoped what I wrote might be an encouragement to someone.

I want to thank my readers who prayed for me and wrote to encourage me. God timed your emails and texts to me perfectly and they were some of His kindest mercies to me when I felt down and discouraged. I want to let you know that God answered our prayers (and your prayers, if you prayed) and we did not need to go back for a second surgery for my husband. The surgeon could give an explanation from the MRI as to what was going on and he confidently told us that it would take care of itself. We were elated. The need for a second surgery–no matter how minor– was weighing heavily on us with my husband’s condition last week.

I have to be honest: I am beyond grateful to the Lord for answered prayer. But I also struggle because I know prayers do not always get answered. How does the Lord decide when He will say yes…or wait…or NO? I have no explanation but we must choose to rest in God’s Sovereignty when things go like we want them to and when they don’t. That’s a very profound and important lesson in the Christian life.

I am reading a book currently by an online pastor friend of mine who walked his wife through cancer and to heaven a few years back. I will share more about this book in a later post but I wanted to share something here that I read in his book yesterday. He shares often about the grace and mercy and peace God gave them both during their journey. But there was one night where something spilled. The night was already frustrating because she couldn’t sleep and kept asking for things and he was tired. And then something spilled. He grew angry and frustrated. And, suddenly, he stopped and thought: Who do you think you are? If God had ordained this night for him then he needed to change his attitude.

This incident struck me profoundly. Who do you think you are? So much of our angst comes from our unwillingness to bow our knee to God and yield to His will. Instead, so often we are like wailing two-year-olds banging our heads against the wall in our anger and frustration at not getting our own way.

I am thankful that sometimes God does give us what we want. That is a true blessing in this life. But we can rest assured that He always gives us what we need. It doesn’t always feel like it, though, does it?

When we don’t get what we want is when we recognize the true state of our hearts. Last week, I did not have what I want. While I love my husband dearly and did what needed to be done, I was not (and never have been) comfortable at all in the role of nurse. I was so anxious that something would happen at night and I wouldn’t know what to do. I was lonely because he wasn’t up for visitors and I couldn’t leave him. I knew this was temporary and yet, even with the knowledge of its brevity, self-pity would worm its way into my heart.

Now…I am grateful for God’s Word hidden in my heart and for the encouragement and prayers of friends and for the sanctification in my life through the past years because I was not who I would have been even fifteen years ago in a situation like this. But as I look back at last week I realize I could have done better. Not so much outwardly but, rather, inwardly with my attitudes.

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(NOT in ORIGINAL POST but ADDING THIS IMPORTANT SECTION) So how does God decide how He will answer our prayers? The same pastor friend wrote this to me just this morning in response to my post (read it carefully, it’s so profound!)–

How does God decide when to say yes, or wait, or NO? It’s right there in Romans 8. We disconnect verse 28 from 29, rejoice over and rely on verse 28, and let the theologians argue over a word or two in verse 29. But verse 29 is there for all of us, not just the theological keyboard warriors. It tells us that all things are working together for “good” because He has a plan to conform his children to the image of His dear Son. That both helps us to understand what “good” really means (it’s not what I want or like or is comfortable for me, but what makes me more Christ-like), and it helps us to understand His yes/no/wait. He decides to say yes/no/wait by what fits into His plan to refine me and conform me to my Savior’s image.

I am so thankful he wrote this to me after I originally posted this because I kind of left you all hanging, didn’t I? I knew this and I’ve written about this but it should have been clarified in this post. God is always working in our lives to conform us. And He even protects us from our lapse in judgement when writing a simple blog post. He is so faithful!

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Last week gave me an important glimpse into the life of care-taking. I had just never really thought through that before. Some of you have been caring for your child or spouse or parent or someone else you love dearly for months. Perhaps years. I just didn’t realize how sacrificial and selfless that is. And lonely.

With that in mind, may I encourage you to reach out to someone who is taking care of someone full-time right now to let them know you are praying for them or to give them some encouragement from the Word? One week of full-time nursing is easy. Anyone can do that. But week after week, month after month, year after year…these people need our love and support. Too often they are forgotten.

And one final thing I’d like to just mention briefly. When we went to the hospital for the surgery we weren’t sure what to expect. Would the staff be competent? Would they be kind? Or would they be rushed? The medical world was a bit upended with all that happened in 2020 and this was our first real interaction with it since that time. Naturally, we were a bit hesitant.

We needn’t have been. We had the best care we could have possibly asked for. Every single person that we came in contact with was so kind and helpful. They knew what they were doing and they were willing to help when needed. We were there for three shifts of nurses and they were all amazing. I just want to share this because it is so important to remember that there is still so much good in this world.

Yes, there is much that is bad, too. And every day news stories hit our ears that are hard to hear– even if we don’t watch the news. But it’s not all bad. We want to be careful we don’t just focus on the negative. Because there is lots of good, too. We must always stay balanced. ALL negative and we become morose and depressed. ALL positive and we become unrealistic and naive. We must stay balanced.

Well, that’s an update on me. Not quite my normal post but I hope it was encouraging, anyway. And, again, if you are a full-time caretaker or have been at some point in your life, I want you to know that my admiration grew and my empathy deepened considerably for you last week. Our world has heroes all wrong. YOU are the true heroes–serving the one you love week after week, giving up your own dreams and longings. I can’t even imagine doing that long-term and yet there you are, doing it and often smiling while you are (God’s grace, right??). And if you are blessed to not be in that role today, then don’t forget to encourage someone today who is! They need it!

This email was a bit scattered. I learned a lot of lessons and am still learning them through this little hiccup in our normal routine. When a hiccup comes in your routine today, no matter how small or large, stop and think: What lessons is God trying to teach me here? Because there are always lessons to learn!

*My email service was able to choose my “engaged” subscribers (those who open my emails fairly regularly). If you feel like you do open the email but didn’t receive my personal email but would like to, please feel free to reply to this email.