A Better Question for the New Year

Today I am writing about something I’ve never written about before. And, until just recently, I have never given it a lot of thought. But several things over the course of the past few weeks have brought this to light and really made me start thinking about it. On this New Year’s Eve, as we prepare for a new year and a fresh start, I’d like to turn our focus to this specific thing.

Have you, like me, noticed how many broken relationships there are? How many people are outright rejected? Parents rejected by children who have written them off and never talk to them. Friends rejected by friends who simply disappear. Siblings rejected by siblings because of past hurts, current disagreements, or different life philosophies.

Rejection is a common, recurring theme in today’s world.

This is a relatively new thing. How and when did it start? And why have those calling themselves “Christians” jumped on board and joined the movement?

I have to confess that I have, a time or two in years past, said “life is too short” for a friend that has sapped my energy. And sometimes family members can try our patience, can’t they? People can be demanding and unpleasant and downright annoying.

Psychology has labeled these people “toxic” and told us to run from them in order to keep our personal peace.

But I have been thinking a lot about this over the past few days. Is this biblical counsel? Would Jesus tell us to avoid people we have decided are “toxic”?

Let’s take a moment to be reminded of our life’s calling as a believer—

Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. (I Corinthians 10:31)

This verse tells us something very important about our new life in Christ: Instead of being “me-centered”, I now desire to be “God-centered”.

And so this naturally should cause our questions to change. Instead of “Is this person messing with my personal peace?” or “Is this person toxic?”, our question should become “What would bring God glory in this situation?”

Instead of basing my decision on how I feel, we want to base our decision on what will most honor God.

I know some of you may be thinking right now—but you don’t know my situation. You don’t know how this or that person brings strife and drama to my life.

That is 100% true. And I’d rather guess that there are situations where the strife caused may merit separation.

But even in those situations, it has to be about honoring God instead of giving ourselves peace.

What will most honor the Lord? Is the question we need to be asking as we navigate difficult relationships.

There are certain beliefs that have crept into Christian culture through humanistic psychology and this is one of them. I have no doubt some of you have even heard you need to flee a toxic relationship from your “Christian counselor”.

Fleeing “toxic people” is nowhere to be found in scripture. Instead, we see the opposite. We see that we are to love others like we love ourselves (note we already love ourselves, we don’t have to learn that!) (Mark 12:31); we see that we are to have speech filled with grace (Colossians 4:6); we are to treat others as we want to be treated (Matthew 7:12); we are to live peaceably with others, as much as it is up to us (Romans 12:18); we are to honor our parents (Ephesians 6:2) There are other verses that direct our relationships with others.

I can’t find even one about rejecting toxic people.

Now, keep in mind: There ARE quite a few verses about being very careful who we hang out with because of the danger they are to our spiritual health. That is a completely different subject and we would do well to heed scripture’s counsel on this.

If someone is dragging us towards sin or the world, we are to quickly flee from them. If someone is sinking us down into the mire of false teaching, we are to mark and avoid them.

But, that is not generally the reason that people reject others, is it? No, it’s for far more selfish reasons.

I don’t know today if you have chosen to reject someone and remove them from your life. I hope that if you have done this, that you will make the subject a matter of prayer and ask the Lord what He would have you do.

And I don’t know if you have been rejected—utterly and outright—by a precious child, or by a dear friend, or by someone you trusted. Rejection is a deep, searing type of pain, isn’t it? And it’s being experienced by so many these days. If we are that person, may we continue steadfast in prayer and keep our hearts from bitterness.

Life IS short. And that is why we must live for eternity.

So as we head into the new year, may we change our question from “what will bring me personal peace?” to:

What will most honor God?